Child maintenance: What Am I Paying for?

Originally written by Abigail Taylor, updated by the editorial team on 14th April 2026

What child maintenance covers

Child maintenance helps with the basic costs of raising a child: food, clothing, heating, and housing. The money contributes to keeping a roof over your child's head and ensuring they have what they need day to day.

If you're not sure whether you're paying the right amount based on your circumstances, you can check using our free Child Maintenance Calculator.

There's no official list of what should and shouldn't be covered. The Child Maintenance Service doesn't specify that a certain percentage should go on food or clothes. The system assumes these costs blend together in the reality of running a household with children.

The parent receiving maintenance doesn't have to account for how they spend it. There are no receipts to provide or budgets to justify. Child maintenance is treated as a contribution to the overall cost of caring for your child, not as payment for specific items.

The Child Maintenance Service calculates payments based on the paying parent's gross income and the number of children involved. They use set income bands to determine amounts, though you can apply for a variation if special circumstances affect your case.

Overnight Stays Calculator

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Try our Overnight Stays Calculator free, here on this site →

Why there's no itemised breakdown

This approach exists for practical reasons. Children's needs vary enormously, and costs fluctuate throughout the year. Your child might need new school shoes one month and winter clothes the next. They'll eat more during growth spurts and less when they're unwell.

Many costs of raising children can't be divided up easily. A larger home to accommodate children costs more in rent or mortgage payments, heating, and council tax. These housing costs can't be separated from other household expenses in any meaningful way.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

When you feel the money isn't being used properly

Paying parents often worry that their maintenance isn't being spent on the children. You might see your ex buying things for themselves and wonder whether your child maintenance helped pay for it. This can feel unfair, especially when money is tight for you.

Unless there's evidence of child neglect, your options for challenging how maintenance is spent are limited. The receiving parent has discretion over household budgeting decisions. They might spend your maintenance on groceries while using their own income for other purchases, or vice versa. Money goes into the same household pot.

If you genuinely believe your child is being neglected or their basic needs aren't being met, that's a safeguarding issue rather than a child maintenance one. In serious cases, you might need to contact social services or seek legal advice about your child's welfare.

Extra costs and shared care

Child maintenance covers basic living costs, but it doesn't stretch to everything. School trips, music lessons, and sports equipment often become a source of disagreement between separated parents.

Legally, you're only required to pay the child maintenance that's been calculated or agreed. You're not obliged to contribute to additional expenses, though many parents choose to do so. Some parents find it helpful to discuss larger expenses in advance or pay schools and clubs directly.

The amount of time your child spends with you affects calculations. If you have your child overnight regularly, this reduces the amount you pay. The Child Maintenance Service recognises that when children are with you, you're covering their costs during that time. This reduction only applies to overnight stays, not daytime visits.

If you want more say over specific purchases, the most effective approach is maintaining good communication with your ex and buying things directly when your child is with you. Many fathers find that taking an active role in shopping for school clothes or equipment gives them confidence that their child's needs are being met.

The system doesn't give the paying parent control over day to day household spending decisions. Child maintenance is about ensuring your child has financial support from both parents, even if the lack of detailed oversight feels uncomfortable.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Overnight Stays Calculator lets you see how overnight stays affect your child maintenance payments. Takes 30 seconds. Try it now →

83 questions

Ask Separated Dads a Question

SeparatedDads Editor 02/09/2026 at 7:00 pm

@Nanny Honestly, you don't have to justify the spend to the dad at all. Child maintenance is paid to the person caring for the child and it's up to you how it's allocated across housing, food, clothes, travel, school kit and so on. If it puts your mind at rest, keep a simple spreadsheet with rough monthly categories, but there's no legal duty to share it. The CMS calculation already assumes it goes into the general pot of raising them.

Nanny 02/09/2026 at 6:20 pm

my grandchild lives with me and I will be claiming child maintenance. I worry that I will be seen as not apportioning it properly, what % to bills, food, clothing and college fees. How can I regulate it so if asked, I can provide an honest acceptable breakdown to the dad? And still provide an acceptable allowance for my grandchild? Help.

SeparatedDads Editor 23/08/2026 at 7:00 pm

@PHF36 That's a really tough situation, and the Isle of Man has its own child maintenance rules separate from the UK CMS, so you'll need advice specific to there. Get in touch with the Isle of Man Office of Fair Trading or a local family solicitor urgently, as any variation needs to go through their courts to be legally recognised. Gather your evidence of Carer's Allowance, job loss and health issues from that period, as the court can potentially backdate a variation. Don't ignore the arrears letters, engage now before enforcement escalates.

PHF36 23/08/2026 at 6:55 pm

I have 3 daughters in isle of man, i lost mu job just prior ti covid due to mental.strain and have since been carer for my elderly mother. As such i was only in receipt of Carrrs Allowance i informed ex of this and sent new proposed payment but as Covid had kicked in and my continuing downward mental spiral, nothing was ever confirmed in the Courts i am now being chased for £40k in unpaid maintenance. What can i do?

SeparatedDads Editor 04/08/2026 at 10:00 pm

@Stocky Your £600 a month is meant to cover the children's everyday costs at their main home, including clothing. You're under no obligation to buy a second wardrobe for her house on top of that. Keep clothes at yours for when they're with you, and let her sort hers out with the maintenance she receives. If she keeps pushing, point her to the CMS guidance on what maintenance is intended to cover.

Stocky 04/08/2026 at 9:45 pm

I dont have the children 50/50 like I want to. I pay almost £600 a month child maintenance and want to who should provide the children with clothes at both house as I am being told by my ex that I should provide clothes for her house as well as mine.

SeparatedDads Editor 26/03/2026 at 8:10 pm

@Isle of Wight Dad I really feel for you in this difficult situation. The financial strain after separation is incredibly tough, especially when you're trying to maintain a meaningful relationship with your children while managing high living costs alone.

Your frustration with the CSM system is understandable, and many fathers share similar concerns about the assessment process not considering both households' circumstances. While the current system has its limitations, there might be options worth exploring.

It could be helpful to speak with a family solicitor or Citizens Advice about your situation. They can review whether your overnight care arrangements are being properly calculated and if there are any grounds to request a variation based on exceptional circumstances.

Please don't let the financial pressure stop you from seeing your children. There are many low-cost activities you can enjoy together, and your presence matters far more than expensive outings.

Saddleup 06/06/2024 at 9:11 pm

My ex and I had an arrangement regarding child maintenance but she's now decided to get the Child Maintenance Service involved. They did a calculation based on my tax return and what she told them about shared custody.
She lied and they're taking her word for it so I have to pay more.
I've tried talking to them but they just believe whatever she says and so any change is refused and they take her side.
I'm banging my head against a wall.
The system is so corrupt it's ridiculous.
I understand that there will be idiots out there trying to dodge their responsibilities but the rest of us are being unfairly penalised .
How can I prove the amount of time my son stays with me?!
I

SeparatedDads Editor 07/08/2026 at 10:09 pm

@C laurie Fair enough that parenting wasn't for you, and at least you paid your way rather than dodging it. Worth saying though, if a grown child ever did make contact, they're not "stupid" for wanting to know where they came from, it's a pretty human thing to wonder about. You can always decline politely if it happens, but bracing for it might be easier than dreading it.

C laurie 10/03/2024 at 12:53 am

My situation is much different then what I read here .I have never had contact with the child in question (my choice I was never cut out for been a parent .)the kid now has grown up I have read other stuff online where adult kids come looking for the other bio parent.(god that’s my biggest fear to have sum random stranger turn up on my door step calming there my daughter )(god what’s wrong with those people can’t they take the hint they are not wanted ?)I pray that doesn’t happen to me I’m sure it won’t they are not that stupid I hope anyway.

Saj 29/02/2024 at 8:47 pm

Hi,
I have an 8 yr old son and I've split up many years ago from his mother, we had a mutually agreed shared care for our son where I was paying her £200/mth maintenance and then paying for his other extra curricular activities which was over £300.
Recently she decided to move 250 miles away (approx. 6 hrs away), I stopped her by going to court and they put a prohibited steps order on her, then she got very upset and made false allegations against me as a result my son cannot stay with me during the nights.
She has also gone to CMS and now they are asking me to pay £666/mth and I know that money will not be spent on our son, she will spend it on herself, and her friends.
She is also expecting me to pay for the extra curricular activities (e.g. football club, kung-fu, private tuition, coding/programming classes etc.) on top of the child maintenance payment.
I called CMS and 3 different ppl told me that extra curricular activities are included in the main payment calculation, she has told me that when she rang they told her that extra curricular activities are not included and she expects me to pay all of them and all that could amount to £1K/mth.
Could someone please clarify what the situation is, does the £666 child maintenance include extra curricular activities or not?
Regards
Saj

Fazza 29/01/2024 at 9:30 am

Hi, I separated from my Childrens Mother recently and we have family agreements for both Childcare and Maintenance payments. My Ex earns low income and now needs to rely on some benefits. I agreed to only having the children every othewr weekend as she didnt just want the kids on school nights. i used the CMS calculator to work out the payment and also pay £50 on top of that for school lunches, £650/m total. My wife is demanding extra money for school uniforms and books and other things. I feel that these should come out of the "extra" I pay as a resault of agreeing to let her have the kids every other weekend. Effectively, this agreement costs me £130 per month - Im not sure what to do and wondered what other's thoughts might be ?

Airport king 14/01/2024 at 3:54 am

When I’m back in Queensland I would love to see my (adult daughter) but I don’t even know what state she lives in or have any contact doesn’t matter what state she was in I just fly there if she wanted to see me .

Airport king 14/01/2024 at 3:09 am

I work in the goldfields and Pilbara remote wa .

Beryl80 13/01/2024 at 10:52 pm

We have split up my sons dad works shifts on a rolling basis. So 6 on 2 off would we work the nights spent with him out as an average as it’s 2 nights some weeks, then 4 or 3 or 1! It’s about 135 days a year so would I use 2/3 nights a week to work it out? Thanks

Beryl80 13/01/2024 at 10:47 pm

We are currently separating, my child’s dad works shifts on a rolling basis. So 6 on 4 off, would we work the nights spent with him out as an average as it’s 2 nights some weeks, then 4 or 3 or 1! It’s about 135 days a year so would I use 2/3 nights a week to work it out? Thanks

E 10/12/2023 at 10:17 pm

My ex partner pays maintenance for his child and now my ex is saying this money should be used to buy our child a Christmas present from him surely he should be paying for this out of his own money and not expecting me to use the csa money?. He also wants me to drive and meet him halfway so he can see our child when it was his decision to move over 6 hours away he says csa will take the money from me so he can keep it for petrol so he can travel surely this isn’t right as it was his decision to move that far away?

RosieMcG 11/09/2023 at 10:02 pm

My partner has 2 children - ages 15 and 19.
He split it with their mum 13 years ago and have shared the kids 50/50 (although she got the benefits for the children). For 5 years his 19 year old chose to live with us full time, this was from age 14-19. She has just started spending more time at her mums, although she is now out of education. My partners 15 year old has always done 50/50. Just recently his ex (after being separated for 13 years) has asked for money. Now considering my partner has his son 50/50 and pays a lot of money for his activities/clothes etc, can she do this? She has now gone to CSA.

Any tips/advice? Can this be happening after 13 years? Why when they have him 50/50. Can we counter claim for the 5 years she claimed their daughter lived with her when in fact she lived with us? We didn’t ask for a penny whilst we had her full time too.

JDawg 13/08/2023 at 5:54 am

Hi, up until a week or so ago, I had my daughter 50% of the time, but also fully engaged with schools, Dr appt, arrangements of outside activities etc. I was paying her mother £250 a month as well as paying for my daughters phone, football, football kit, half towards uniform school trips etc. This has been for the last two years. However what I was finding is that every time I disagreed with her mother over something she would threaten me with going to the CSA, so I spoke to them, they advised that she had no claim so I stopped the £250 payment (only one) and asked she contacted them as well so they could advise her. In response to this she has now stopped me seeing my daughter stating pay me and you can see her but also contacted the CSA saying I don’t see her at all and now they are saying I must pay her about £800 per month. How is this right and is there anything I can do. I’ve spoken to a solicitor and simply can’t afford to instruct one.

Evs 03/08/2023 at 12:36 pm

Hi I have been paying £600 per month for the last 14 years, my eldest has turned 18 and say his a levels in the summer and left school. He is likely to go to university, in our agreement it says until he is 18 or finished school. I paid in July aswell but he has officially left school. My ex wants me to pay august and September aswell before he goes to university ???

Nozmo 02/08/2023 at 6:43 pm

Hi, I pay the correct amount of child maintenance to my ex for my son. For 5 years she has paid his football membership and I pay the subs and for his boots. Growing teen means lots of boots and they aren't cheap. I don't request money for these but now she is refusing to pay for his membership. Can I reduce the amount of maintenance I pay to cover this cost. I do not want him to stop as he does very much enjoy it and it's the only thing extracurricular that she pays for. I don't have a bottomless supply of cash and it seems.unfair that my son will suffer missing out on what he enjoys as she is being selfish.

Jas 24/05/2023 at 10:44 am

Hi i pay child maintenance every month if i earn more then 50000 do i have to pay child benfit as well

kayz 16/05/2023 at 3:10 pm

hi,
i’m looking for advice on behalf of my partner who is struggling. We’ve taken his children on they are now living with us and not their mother who has disappeared off the face of the earth. social services were involved and have said they are to stay with us and not go back to their mum if she returns. we have put in place for child benefit to be moved over to us. however this can take 16 weeks. Spoke to child maintenance and he is still expected to pay the full amount until she rings and closes the case? how can this be right. we cannot afford that aswell as feeding, clothing breakfast club and not to mention we now need a bigger car and an extra bedroom. surely there must be a way round this or we are paying her money for not even having the children?

andrew 16/05/2023 at 12:57 pm

Hello there I'm seeking advise on child maintenance,I pay my ex £350 per month ,I have my kids every weds from 5:30till 8:30
And then every Sunday from 1:30 till 8:30 in the evenings and then I have them alternative Friday nights over night ,based on my wages I'm paying too much a month but with me having them not over night on the weds and sun of every week is this even considered towards my child maintance , I also have them over night on bank holidays and I take them away on holiday for 2 weeks a year ,IV ask my ex if I can keep them over night on the Sundays but has refused ,IV mentioned lowing my child maintenance but she won't allow it ,there is just no reasoning with her ,my kids are always well looked after and well fed when there with me IV also contributed to extras as well like going half for my daughter to go to a concert ,I need advise because I feel like my ex is just being totally in reasonable,she also says I can't move or re arrange the times I have my kids for instance if I wanted to go away for a weekend she won't let me have my kids on a alternative day

Dave 15/05/2023 at 5:53 pm

Hi all. Looking for some advice. I have a 2 year old but been split from his mum for a year now. I’ve been paying more than double what CSA calculator asks me to pay as she had said I need to contribute towards childcare costs which I now know I don’t. Arrangement is that i have my son a Thursday night and 1 day/night each weekend. Because I am about to move in with my new partner and we won’t have a spare room available for my son to have his own room just now, she is trying to stop me having my son overnight. Can anyone advise what rights she has and if she can actually stop my overnights with my son? Thanks

Dad 10/03/2023 at 9:47 am

When me and partner split up I had my son 3 x a week. We had an informal agreement and i paid for all his expenses e.g school lunches, child care, uniform etc. my son now lives with me 6 days a week (his choice) but his mum refuses to pay for anything. She has even refused to get his phone screen fixed because I get the child benefit. I have tried to come to an arrangement with her however this has come to nothing. I am debating whether to go to the CMS but am worried that because we had no formal arrangement when my son lived with his mum that she will be able to claim for back payments. Is that something that can happen?

Frog 06/03/2023 at 4:26 pm

Hi just asking for some advice. Ex is taking the kids on holiday this year. They have no passports now because they have ran out. I paid for everything last time in 2018 to Spain. Is it his responsibility to provide passports and clothing for this holiday because it’s on his time in summer holidays.

Leah 31/01/2023 at 9:29 am

Hi,

My ex has our child every other weekend Friday until Monday morning. I am currently applying for CSA.

Am I legally obliged to provide him with clothes for the weekend or because it’s his weekend is it his responsibility?

Also whose responsibility is it for the after school club on the Friday he picks her up and the school lunch on the Monday when he drops her to school.

Em 28/12/2022 at 9:48 pm

My partner pays CMS calculated amount of £35 a week for his child. He also pays £25 a month for phone contract, £40 a month for dance class, gives £10 a week pocket money, puts £40 a week into savings account for said child, buys shoes, coats and other clothes for child, mother makes him pay for martial arts tournaments if he takes her on his weekend( even though she signed her up for the classes). We also have her for 174 days of the year minimum as the mother drops her off for me to look after. There is a court order in place that has never been abided by on either side, only when it suits them. CMS have told him to only pay the £35 a week, but he refuses to pay that amount. The mother earns more than he does, yet she says she wants more. Can the CMS make him pay more based on what he voluntary pays? By the way, I'm not supposed to look after the child as the mother had added to the court order that the father had to be the main carer for the child when she's supposed to be with him.

Luke J 20/11/2022 at 11:32 am

Hi all,

I currently pay child maintenance and I have my daughter every weekend which I am more than happy with and I had to sort a Friday after school and then take her home Friday night then pick her up Saturday but I have currently changed jobs and my shift is 13:00-22:00 and I cannot commit to getting her after school any more which is a shame but needs must, my ex is saying I have to pay the after school club which is £100 a month on top of my maintenance, is this correct or can anyone guide me to where I find out the correct amount I should pay, my ex does not pay anything towards the after school club.

Thanks

Ying 19/10/2022 at 9:53 pm

Hello,
I have seperated and paying Child Maint everymonth as per .gov website and also at times extra club expenses. Now, she is asking me to take care of our child for 4 nights every week in her home when she is away for work. Am i bound to make myself available on those four days of every week and spoiling my plans. or else she is demanding child care fee @15 or 20 per hour, if she gets someone to look after.
pls advise..

Muggins 11/10/2022 at 9:51 am

Hi

Me n my ex partner split when my Twin Daughters were 5, no payments were made to me the 1st 2years, then an agreement between ourselves was made,he paid £250 for both, last October it went to £100 for both, now this October he refuses to pay anything - the girls are 16 in Dec, final year at school but then going onto college... should i persue through child maintenance service

C laurie 08/09/2022 at 12:36 am

@ish,in my situation there is no expectation (this women child has no home at my place) .I have never pay support or had visits. Her child is a adult she can stand on her own two feet I seriously consider myself a men who had no children and she will be left nothing in my will when I pass .she is not even welcome at my funeral. People can hate on me all they want .

Ish 07/09/2022 at 3:28 pm

Mummy
There is an expectation on both resident and non resident parents to provide a home for their children. Food, shelter, warmth, clothes and entertainment.
There would only be a case for deductions in child maintenance payments, either privately agreed or through CMS, if the non resident parent was making a payment above the cm contributions to the resident parent for a specific item or event.
Tldr: he should not expect nappies, change of clothes from you. If they come back to your's in 'dad's' clothes and you don't return them then he can make a (petty) claim.

Ish 07/09/2022 at 3:22 pm

PompeyT
Child maintenance services have a bad reputation but don't let that stop you from using their services. In your case the payment may not be as high as you think.
For you the upside would be a flat rate that is paid to your child's mother every month and there can't be any quibbles about extra for travel, food, books or clothes. It might be worth it just to avoid the stress, as she can't demand extra payments for travel on top
You are of course always able to help your child out as a parent in your own way above the CMS payments if you see fit, but there is no obligation on you to do so and remember a parent is more than a bank account.

Ish 07/09/2022 at 3:16 pm

Shotgun 77
Do not stop paying CMS
Make an application for variation in your account as you have a strong case for a reduction due to the amount of time your children stay with you.
Child maintenance payments are for a child's expenses,. including clothes, school fees, holidays. You are not obliged to pay more, you can communicate with your children's parent to share certain expenses like revision books but it is wholely unfair for you to pay unvaried child maintenance, and additional items on top.
Provide evidence of children staying with you multiple nights, any travel costs involved in spending time with your children.

Ish 07/09/2022 at 3:10 pm

Haz.
If you sell it, declare it and pay the appropriate taxes on the profit to HMRC then it will factor into CMS calculations the next time they audit your account.
V.
He can make the argument that he has paid you the amount through the uniform and school fees. However the child receives the money be thankful that it is received. He is not obliged to pay more than the CMS calculations.

Haz 05/09/2022 at 7:44 pm

I have 1 child which I pay over 4 hundred a month for , my question is if I sell a second home which I currently rent out , will the cms want a chunk of it .

V 03/09/2022 at 7:08 pm

Hi, I'm really confused. My daughters dad took maintenance off me as he gave my daughter money for a school trip so he deducted that, he also bought her uniform and deducted 150 for that and only gave me £30 for the month. I've tried to be amicable and explain that he's actually taking money off of her which just erupted in him getting angry and blocking me. Is he legally allowed to take that money off of me? He also said that the money he spends on her when she's there, he could take off of the maintenance. I tried to just explain, which he took as me in his words "squeezing for more money" when the truth is I just don't want my daughter to go without. Any advice would be appreciated thank you ??

Shotgun77 30/08/2022 at 9:39 pm

Hello, looking for some advice please.

I have two children (16&14) and have a family based arrangement in place that I have paid without fail for the last 7 years.

Currently, out of 14 nights I have them stay with me 6 of the nights (spread out over two patterns). I would consider this almost 50/50 childcare - what would you say?

So I have the children almost 50/50 and pay maintenance and I also pay extra for things like uniform, school trips, buy them clothes at mine and also my eldest has recently done his GCSEs and needed revisions books which I paid half towards and am likely ti do the same when he goes to college.

I live alone bar when I have the kids and run a mortgage on my own whereas my ex lives with someone. I totally understand my responsibility to my children and have always stepped up - but with rising living costs it’s beginning to make me question why I have to pay maintenance as well as all the extras and the fact they are with me almost 50/50 if the time.

Any advice on where I stand regards stopping maintenance payment or if I can refuse to pay towards the additional costs of schooling is welcomed.

I’ve always contributed as I don’t want the children to be caught in the cross fire. But of late I feel like I’m the one that’s the single parent with no help whatsoever but it’s just expected that I can and will pay for whatever is needed.

PompeyT 22/07/2022 at 6:42 pm

Hi all. First time posting so appreciate any guidance or help! Me and my ex agreed child maintenance payments through personal agreement, using the Gov website to calculate each April based on my earnings.

My son starts college in September, and that brings with it the cost of buses to and from when he is at his mums (5 days a week) and train from mine (2 days a week). Total cost estimated at £250 across four months (£220 bus and £30 on trains). I have offered to pay half of the travel costs. Ex has basically refused saying i am obliged to pay half of the cost of travel from hers, plus the cost of travel from mine. Am i going mad, or is that just totally unreasonable?? As i understand i dont have to pay anything over and above what is already paid through child maintenance (which is a considerable monthly payment). But i wanted to offer to pay towards his travel costs too. Guess i can call her bluff and just pay the travel costs for when he is with me, but trying to avoid my son getting caught in the middle of a battle. All comments gratefully received!

Mummy 24/06/2022 at 9:42 am

So my 2 kids 7 and 2 go to there dads every other weekend and I always supply clothes nappies ect but I’ve now told him he needs a supply at his for the kids so all I have to do is hand other kids and not everything else. He says that’s what he pays me the child maintenance for am I right in doing so or should he already have supplies clothes for them at his?

Chris 02/06/2022 at 10:25 pm

Well get jacbo or Gordon to support your child whichever one is the biological father .truth is I was born sterile. And you caused myself alot off mental damage bye lieing to me and registering my name on the birth certificate as her father .I'm in my rights to take you court and sue make you pay me .for the damage you caused to my life .you won't be smiling then I can tell you that .

Skippy 27/05/2022 at 2:00 am

@ROO7.I live in a boarding house .who knows the future now my daughter is a adult she might want to meet me I might be able to shout her steak sandwich and couple off beers at my local pub .get to now each other she can work it out for herself that I'm not this bad monster her mother would off told her I was .

Skippy 26/05/2022 at 11:44 pm

@roo7.holy hell I didn't pay support I had a very troubled break up many years ago now and got myself into big trouble with johnny law and I just gave up after that .like she wanted me out the picture for good and I was done once released I was put on probation in my head I was like you can have children go and be a happy family. And I never looked back sence .that's a lie I did go though a stage where I wanted to be dad to my daughter be like every other guy .put that was pipe dream and never happened and now she is all grown up now so yeah it doesn't matter anymore.( Now I dont even care) .

C 26/05/2022 at 9:24 am

I pay £540 a month (3 children 13 & under) and have been overpaying for 9 months (in error) and therefore I’ve reduced the payments to this amount.
My ex-wife asks for payments for school trips & after school clubs etc. With what I’ve read I have stated I’ll pay whatever I can although I see this as extra and not my commitment. I also pay for a monthly phone contact for my eldest child and will do the same for the other 2 children as and when we decided they can have a mobile phone.

My ex wife is incredibly money orientated and it’s often challenging as she’s very direct in landing her point of view as regards what she thinks I should pay.
Regrettably she’ll say to the children they are missing out as ‘Dad isn’t paying enough’. I worry this will have an impact on the children and cause them to worry about finances which they shouldn’t at an early age. Additionally they may hold this against me by taking on the same point of view as their Mum. They are still young and I am not prepared to fight fire with fire and will not discuss finances with them.

I base my payments on my affordability & obligations rather than their Mums financial position (she’s re-married, has 2 household incomes and additionally a further income from a property we formerly shared) which is significant and actually about the same as I pay monthly.

I hope you other Dad’s are managing to stay afloat and take care of yourselves and your own mental health

Lex 02/10/2021 at 8:02 am

There's a child maintenance calculator on the .gov website. Its worth checking out.

Lex 02/10/2021 at 8:01 am

There's a child maintenance calculator on the .gov website.

L 27/07/2021 at 4:32 pm

I currently have my children 3 nights per week. I have a verbal agreement to pay my ex £220.00 per month which I pay have never missed a payment. I have asked for 50 / 50 access for the extra day ever fortnight and she is refusing. I think knowing that she'll loose her maintenance payments. I pay this and pay for my own clothes, clubs, uniforms anyway. I work two jobs 6 -7 days a week and I'm still flat broke at the end of the month. By Saving money I could quit the second job and fact I get to spend that extra night my children that extra night is a winner. I'd get to spend more time with them and arrange more days out and provide a better living for them. She's threatened me with CMS and I'm at the point of telling her to go to CMS because I'm financially at rock bottom, and I don't care anymore. Do I have a case or am I being greedy to want the extra night stayover? Any advice would help me dearly. Thank you in advance.

Lowski 23/06/2021 at 8:30 am

My kids live with me, they're 12 and 14 and see their mum two nights a week. When this first happened, we agreed that maintenance would stop and we'd just provide for them when they were with us. My ex is now, out of the blue, insisting on paying maintenance, when she's never offered before. I can't help think she has an ulterior motive so my question is, would I as their primary and main carer have to pay her maintenance for the two nights they visit her? We don't get on at all so can't see why she'd do this unless she has something to gain from it!

Stretch 17/05/2021 at 5:54 pm

After a bit of help, I pay my ex £70 a wk for my daughter and I have her every Monday and Wednesday night sleep over and every other weekend, she has now started a full time job and has to put our daughter into school clubs and school holidays clubs which she is asking me to pay 2 days a wk during school holidays. So she is asking £70 a wk child maintenance aswell as £55 for the child care. Don’t know where I stand as she is now working more and earning more and then wants more from me. I also pay half towards clothes and shoes. I feel I don’t need to pay that. Thank you

Kaykay 08/05/2021 at 8:44 pm

I am at words with this rubbish.

I live my partner whos ex has stopped his daughter from seeing him.and on top of that shes 11 and *trans* her mother influences her to change her to a boy.. yess she does ..
Fast foward my partner had a letter from child maintainance this morning for his child he hasnt seen in 9 weeks!!2grand a year on 19 k a year with debt and on top of that she has gone bankrupt against the house deliberately..i will call social services that this evil wicked * mother who drink drives earns 26k a year gets child benefits and ontop is gunna pocket 2k year for what..her drink her hair her own life and not her child.

Luckily i can afford to take her to the cleaners...just remember the law is backwards and dodgy...explain!! what if this mother was abusing her daughter which she is mentally ..throw 2 k a year at a unfit mother thats ok is it!!! The child has issues 1 big issue is her mother!!!!

Chas 05/05/2021 at 1:10 pm

I haven't done this but were would a seperated Dad stand legally if he decided to pay the child maintenance into a pre-paid debit card and passed that card to the Mother? Whilst not preventing the mother from spending the maintenance on items not directly for the child, it may act as a deterent as the father would see all transactions. ATM withdrawls could also be disabled. Is there any legal requirement on the method that child maintenance has to be paid?

GRP 19/01/2021 at 2:03 pm

Bit of a long one but need some advice. I have kids with my ex and pay her £200 maintenance. Whilst we were together, we moved away from my home town (about 130 miles away). We split up, I moved back to near my family.
I earn minimum wage so struggle to be able to afford to see my kids. I pay for them monthly and that money is never late and I make sure the kids have all they need in terms of clothes, shoes, stuff for school etc. I call a couple of times a week and the kids have tablets that they can contact me on if they want to talk any other time.
I’m doing the best I can with what I can. I want to be able to see my kids more but it works out at a £200 weekend on top of my £200 maintenance due to having to get a hotel and pay for petrol.
I really just don’t know what to do at this point.

Tortu 23/12/2020 at 3:18 pm

Dear all,
Thanks for your comments. It has helped me to ge a better insight into this issue and gave me an awckard feel that I am not alone (unfortunetely). I can see many people is complaining about CMS. I have been put on Deduction from Earnings Order unfairly. The service is very poor. Now the amount I have to pay is 20% higher and also paying fees on top. And this can't be changed in six months. I have raised a complain and need to speak to CMS. If no sensible solution is given to me I am going to raise the complain through them and also the Ombudsman. Has anybody here have had any experience complaining to CMS? The system is not working for many fathers in many ways and this should change.

G 09/12/2020 at 10:54 pm

My advice to separated fathers especially those not married to their ex.
1. Put the welfare of the children first.
2. Negotiate or use Mediation Service to agree sensible split of assets and reasonable child support.
3. Avoid solicitors at all costs and avoid Schedule 1 proceedings in court.
4. Avoid CMS if you can
5. Set up agreeable access to the children and don't discuss issues with them
6. Respect your ex as mother of your children - it's not an easy job!

Solicitors and courts are not on the side of the Father. My experience is that Solicitors and Barristers on both sides will clean out all your cash and equity in any assets you have and award her the rest. Be careful and avoid if you can.

Benefitsareajoke 16/11/2020 at 3:14 am

Well here goes, split with my ex 3 and half years ago, always supported her every month even paying for holidays and foreign trips for her to go on with friends and to see her family, regularly having my son more than 4 or 5 nights a week even though I work full time, first lock down came and my place was not suitable for him to be back and forth between us, so spent four months on pretty much a camp bed in his room at his Mums so she could still do her 16 hours a week in a supermarket. In 4 months she only bathed him twice and maybe put him to bed 4 or 5 times, as I was furloughed I did 99% of the cooking cleaning washing etc.. (why we split in the first place) Had the nerve to tell her friend in front of me I was living there rent free (£600 a month paid to her and still had to pay my bills on top) that lock down ended so made sure I got a new place on my own with 2 bedrooms just in case it happened again! Sure enough it did this time he’s started school so she enrolled him in breakfast club a few days so can take him to school before work and she only has to twice a week, it’s going to be a struggle with work and financially especially as back on furlough so thought would see if I can get any help as he’s with me pretty much all the time again (not entitled to a penny) Never looked into it before, but disgusted to find out that for over 3 years nothing is being taken into account of what I give, turns out better to be on benefits than work, the more I earn the more I have to give over but benefits stay the same!! only thing I got from that exercise is very angry and realised I have been giving far to much. Makes me feel like it’s better to get sacked and go on benefits. I am Lucky as I do get to spend so much time with my son but what a joke the benefits system is. Rant over

Airz 11/11/2020 at 1:06 pm

I have recently split up with my partner we have 2 young kids
(sons 5 daughter 3)
Anytime I try to get in contact with my kids we end up arguing.in 1 breath she tells me not to ring her fone or turn up to the house to see the kids then next thing she’s ringing me to come and deal with the kids because she can’t cope,
How am I surpose to deal with this how am I surpose to have a relationship with my kids like this
What am I surpose to do???
HELPP!!!!

Harry Potter 06/11/2020 at 4:09 pm

I pay £840 a month and had to give my ex half the equity in our house, so she has no mortgage, works part time in a good job and also gets tax credits and child benefit.
I estimate she nets about £2500-£3k whilst I pay off the mortgage I took on to buy her out.

Can't see as that's particularly fair, especially when she sends them to school in uniform with holes in or 2nd hand from the school stall.

Seems to me that at some levels child maintenance is actually borderling spousal maintenance.

Ac 02/11/2020 at 6:50 am

I pay £160 to ex for food, told her if kids need clothes let me know and i’ll pay half, i spend £200 a month on food for when kids come mine for tea 2/3 times a week, they stay over at the weekend, i also spend about £120 a myh on treats at weekends when they stay but ex says i dont pay enough, when we were together she spent £80 a week on food that was for 4 of us

Amity 30/10/2020 at 2:09 pm

At the moment I am paying child maintance to the csa. What was calculated for me to payed for my 2 sons I have to be doing 2 jobs to meet the payments I have two property's but nothing coming in from them often paying the mortgage I just got a letter from the inland revenue my sx - partner asking for more money. And also lumpsum from the property can she do this she has known shares in the properties we wasn't married. Was only leaving together please advice me on my rights to this.

topher8 18/09/2020 at 2:04 pm

I have been paying csa for 3 years for my 3 children. I have an agreement with my ex-wife. We agreed I would pay less during lockdown as I had them more than my usual 3 nights a week. Due to the extra days it works out I have had them 4 nights a week. On top of CSA I contribute towards school uniform, tennis lessons aswell as food shopping, clothing and holidays when they are with me. I do not ask my ex for any contribution towards anything I purchase or spend on regarding the children. Any advice.

Nc. icole 15/08/2020 at 12:13 am

Does the father have to pay weekly if they have them a week in summer just one week out old 4/5 weeks the mum has the
daughter re
Dad has her every other Friday 6pm - Sunday 6pm
That’s it no half terms

Christopher 29/07/2020 at 1:24 am

@,S.C,well on a brighter note .the child might get see my head stone when in the grave yard .but I highly doubt that as well .this is the hand dealt so note to self suck it up boy get on with your own life not much time left so start living .

Christopher 28/07/2020 at 9:49 pm

@s.c.my reality is I will die at a young age I think heart failure 100 percent . and never see my daughter i am (not complaining it is what is) .would have been good to meet the girl before I do die but that is not going to happen .so I found peace with that now .but good luck to all you younger dads I hope you all get to see your children .

Christopher 28/07/2020 at 8:01 pm

@s.c.i never payed support never new where the child lived or school she went to never spent a birthday with her or Christmas. I have never known if she been in hospital or has any illnesses. Never held my daughter when she hurt herself I never known anything about her .but this is normal for the men who are my age .i just like to read these comments and see what other younger men do these days. What I worked out men have changed big time .

Christopher 28/07/2020 at 7:40 pm

@s.c.after I read these posts and the way father's are these days ,I realise how old I am my daughter who is 16 doesn't even know me or I her .i don't even no what she looks like .oh well things where different back in my day .men where different two today's younger men .i guess it is what is .

S.C 28/07/2020 at 10:56 am

I have one 8 year old child, I have paid regular maintenance for the 5 years ( never missed a payment) I also have my daughter every weekend and holidays This summer she is staying with us for 8 weeks because my ex refuses to pay for child care!?! ( this is completely fine with me as we get to spend much more time together) however, I asked the ex send some of my daughters with her she refused and said we need to buy some, that’s also Ok my daughter gets a new wardrobe !! Is this right? Does maintenance cover clothing for my daughter to bring to our house ? Advice is greatly appreciated

Gavmarko 03/07/2020 at 10:18 am

I have my 2 kids 13 and 11 boy and girl ,I pay every month for them .i am taking them on holiday next week but they have no clothes .i asked there mum to buy clothes for them but she said they do not go anywhere so they don’t need anything .is there anything I can do ?

Charlie 18/02/2020 at 10:25 pm

I had a one night stand with the mother of my child... still pending DNA results.i work alot from my home, weeks on End so dont see my child very often. I pay just under £250 a month agreed with her without CMS. Shes now asking me to pay half for his nursery fees and I have the feeling that she'll ask for more and more saying that I need to pay towards her rent and Bill's even though she doesnt ask for any money from her other childs Dad isnt involved at all. I agree that you should pay for your childs up keep and maintenance, but would it be advisable to go through Cms to prevent more and more money being asked for. Any advice would be grateful.

Confused 25/09/2019 at 6:12 pm

My last year child maintenance was calculated on a base of 26.7 k as my gross annual income because that’s the figure they had in their system. But in reality I’ve made only 23.5k so I phoned and told them about it but I was told they won’t change my child maintenance rate because it’s not 25% more or less from the figure they’ve used and unless I’ll make 25% more or less from 26.7k they won’t change my rate. Now after annual review they’ve put my child maintenance rate up even though I haven’t exceeded 25%. So how does this annual review works ? Is amount of income from a year before matters?

Ammer 25/08/2019 at 5:49 pm

Hi. How is fair that child maintenance is worked out on gross earnings and they don't take into consideration what we are spending on the basics to live on? With all the benefits and working 40hrs a week my ex gets more a month then I do. I can't even afford to rent a room and am living at my mums and that ain't permanent.

DC123 23/08/2019 at 2:36 pm

Reading through these is really hard, I am going through a divorce at the moment and my ex is responsible of the breakup, however as she pressed the divorce button (to save the £550.00 divorce fee as she is on UC) I am now having to foot her legal bill on top of £800 per month. My ex technically earns more than me some months as I am in sales and earn commission, if I dont earn any and pay her the £800, her universal credit is £810, she gets £400 from her part time job and also £100 per month for child benefit - those mathematicians will work out that is £2100 per month - thats equivalent to a £30,000 a year salary! The money I pay covers the mortgage and her car and she has the same lifestyle prior to our split.. however because of my earning potential I am also about to loose 80% of the equity in my house and only be allowed 20% of it when she chooses to sell...

I know we all have it bad and our own journeys all suck! But the silver lining for me is that I am no longer in a loveless relationship. I am free from it, its taken me awhile to realise that. it kills me that I dont see my children everyday and that I am starting from scratch... but you have to look at the positives and just try and get through this stuff one step at a time. good luck to everyone on here and I hope we are all ok in the end!

CMS is broken 17/07/2019 at 12:41 pm

Why is it right that a non residential parent pays for children during the time they are not in their care? It's a legal obligation but that doesn't make it right and shouldn't just be accepted as such. It is wrong on so many levels.

If both parents paid for the children for only the time they had the children. Then it clearly follows that best arrangements for how time with children is shared will be reached. Which is in the interest of everyone.

Financially rewarding one parent for limiting access is wrong and the government needs to stop meddling and change the law.

One parent can't afford to look after the children then the other parent should have the chance to increase there time with them. If that doesn't work reach a personal solution.

It shouldn't be the case that separated households are financially linked. Every other aspect in life you have a day in how your money is spent. It is not the place of the government to meddle, especially as they make thinks so much worse.

CMS is not fit for purpose if the organisation cant ensure the money is spent on the children. Their remit is to ensure the legal obligation is met they are not doing that. It would be difficult for them to do... I get that but if they can't then they shouldn't be doing half a job... They are simply taking money off someone on the pretense that it is for their children then handing it over to someone else and doing nothing to ensure it is benefiting the children.

Child maintenance and the legal obligation is wrong it does far more damage causing further disruption and hardship to families. This isn't a minor problem it has resulted in the lose of lives and needs sorting.

The question should be being asked who is benefiting from this system, its not the children... The legal system is, they make millions dealing with these cases and the government is they have made 100,000s in fines from CMS since its introduction.

c.laurie 30/06/2019 at 12:14 am

@cbs.yeah report her .i live in hostel and i am on disability pension and just loath fraudsters .when people like me need it and give as a bad name .REPORT HER ASAP.

CSB 29/06/2019 at 10:37 pm

My ex wife and I split in November, and I moved out a month later. My ex is gracious enough to allow me to stay here alternate weekends and every wednesday, as I live now in a shared house.

My ex has been a gambling addict over the years, which largely led to our split-she couldnt get a library card with her credit-never mind a credit card!! Since I moved, I;ve been paying various bills IN LIEU OF MAINTENANCE-such as Sky at my old home, the Broadband, her mobile phone-and the credit cards which, whilst in my name, she certainly contributed more than her fair share of running up whilst we were together!! I also pay for a cooker here. She has now begun asking me for money, saying that, if I dont pay it, she will take me to the cleaners with the CSA, and stop access to the kids!

In addition to me staying here every other weekend, and every wednesday, the remaining time, she has her new boyfriend virtually live here-whilst she claims single person occupancy council tax discount, benefits financially by him GIVING HER A CAR, and virtually every weekend that it's her child free weekend, she goes on jollies-I really don't know where I stand, if anywhere? Do I count myself lucky and pay, or do I report her for the benefit fraud she is committing?

JC 14/06/2019 at 3:19 pm

I have 4 children and pay my ex £1200 a month (as calculated by the CSA) and pay the mortgage for the house they and the ex lives in. I cannot afford rent nor another mortgage and as such am reliant on the kindness of family and friends for my living arrangements. I cannot have my children overnight as I am living in a spare room but provide them all their meals when they are with me. The ex is refusing to sell the house and as such I will need to take her to court with money I dont have. Im stuck. Any advice would be gratefully recieved.

Bear 25/04/2019 at 7:51 pm

I pay £200 month maintenance for my child and have them regularly sleepover at my home. I give my child all the love and attention they need and deserve. My ex partner,albeit a good mum, works part time, and claims all the benifits thats going, has a new partner who is great with my child and I'm happy for her, she goes out more often than not and goes on regular weekends away, which is cool, but then keeps asking me to buy my child new footwear, i ususlly oblige, but am i wrong in saying that's what i pay maintenance for?

PT 22/04/2019 at 7:45 pm

£150 could be very reasonable depending on contact costs. It might be all hunky dory to pay in excess of £200 should you live in the same town and you have a decent enough job to support this.
But what if it costs £460 just to see your child 2ce a month? Because theres no where to take them other than hotels. Jumping to conclusions here pal. when really she could be earning alot of money already. Every Dads situation is different. Need to stick together not put each other down.

Mrme 14/03/2019 at 6:44 am

£150 a month!!! That is disgusting. No wonder she has stopped you seeing your child. Get a better job and support your family properly.

Fraszy 03/03/2019 at 5:46 pm

CMS payments are unjustly calculated. Of course, payments should be made to the children but should be put into a controlled escrow account and be ring fenced for correct use by the resident parent. The fact that it can be spent on them is the major flaw in the system and should be addressed immediately. Additionally, the non resident parent is penalised for relationship breakdown and may not even be allowed to see their children even if they go through the charade that is the court system. Society is becoming worse because of the environment we have thanks to the authorities around relationship breakdown and children. Men in particular would be advised to take an early opportunity to have a vasectomy to prevent future pain.

ellie boo 25/01/2019 at 7:39 am

My ex partner is an officer but has 6 children, he thinks its acceptable to pay 12.50 a week which is 50 a month? Is my son entitled to more? He doesnt see him due to having too little time because hes a volonteering football coach, also just got himself a car and treated hes girlfriend to one too

Toonarmy23 22/08/2018 at 9:19 am

I haven't seen my child In a month my ex stopped me ! And I pag £150 a month how much would I have to
Pay through csa

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