Child Support Issues: Letter Templates

Originally written by Abigail Taylor, updated by the editorial team on 2nd April 2026

The Child Maintenance Service (CMS) is the governing organisation for all matters relating to child support (which replaced the former Child Support Agency). The rules are set to change slightly but child support itself is around to stay and there will always be a need for an organisation to regulate and administer payment collections. With that in mind we have produced a series of letter templates to accompany our guide to child support. The letters are self explanatory, just fill in your own details. The letter templates are as follows:

Denying or questioning paternity of a child
Disputing calculations made by the child support agency or your ex
Requesting an end date for payments
Asking for a breakdown of calculations
Explaining about extenuating circumstances (rendering you unable to pay as much)
Explaining a change in your circumstances

If you need to know the exact amount you should be paying or receiving, you can quickly work it out using our free Child Maintenance Calculator.

1. Letter denying or questioning paternity

#todaysdate#

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing in relation to the letter you sent me stating that I owe child maintenance in relation to [child's name and date of birth].

I deny / am unsure that I am the father of this child and so do not owe any child support.

The courts have not adjudicated on this matter and I was not married to the child's mother at any point between the child's conception and birth. I am willing to take a DNA test to settle the issue.

Please contact me within 7 working days to acknowledge receipt of this letter and detailing how the matter will proceed.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

2. Letter disputing calculations

#todaysdate#

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing to dispute the amount of child maintenance you stated I owe in your letter dated [enter date of letter stating amount you owe which you dispute]. In this letter you calculated my child maintenance at [amount].

I dispute this amount and calculate that my child maintenance amount should be [amount].

My calculation is based upon my gross income at [amount] and paying for [number] children:

[child A name and date of birth]
[child B name and date of birth]

I am entitled to the following exemptions / discounts:

I am a student at [name of college / university].
I am a serving prisoner at [name of prison].
I am aged 16 or under
I have shared care of the above named children for [number] days / month.
I have [number] other children living with me - [name and date of birth of other children].

Please contact me within 7 working days if you dispute my calculated amount of child support.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

Child Maintenance Calculator

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Try our Child Maintenance Calculator free, here on this site →

3. Letter about payment end date

#todaysdate#

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing to enquire when my child maintenance payments will stop.

I currently pay for [child A and date of birth]
and
[child B and date of birth].

I calculate that they will turn 16 years old on [date] and [date].

I am not aware that they will continue to study full-time after this date / I anticipate that they will continue to study full-time until [date] and [date].

Please contact me within 7 working days to let me know when my payments in relation to each child will stop.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

4. Letter asking for calculation details

#todaysdate#

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing to request a breakdown of your calculation which results in me owing [amount] in child maintenance in relation to [child A and date of birth] and [child B and date of birth].

Please outline what you consider to be my gross income, any exemptions or discounts I have been awarded, the number of days you consider me to have joint care of my children and any other children living with me included in the calculation.

Please provide the above information within 7 working days so that I can review your calculations to see why you consider that I owe [amount] in child maintenance.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

5. Letter indicating extenuating circumstances

#todaysdate#

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing to tell you about a change in my circumstances. I now have extenuating circumstances which will affect my child maintenance payments.

My new circumstances are [enter brief details of extenuating circumstances - e.g. illness]. This means that I have less / no income available to pay child maintenance and my current gross income is [amount].

I anticipate that my extenuating circumstances will last [amount of time / for the foreseeable future]. I will be able to continue payment of child maintenance on [date] / I am unsure when I will be able to continue paying child maintenance.

Please contact me within 7 working to discuss my new circumstances and how they will affect my child maintenance payments.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

6. Letter about a change of circumstances

#todaysdate#

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing to tell you about a change in my circumstances which will affect the amount of child maintenance I pay.

My gross income is now [amount] as I have changed job / my pay has changed. I am now entitled to the following exemptions / discounts:

I am a student at [name of college / university].
I am a serving prisoner at [name of prison].
I am aged 16 / 17 and receive income support / job seekers allowance.
I have shared care of the above named children for [number] days / month.
I have [number] other children living with me - [name and date of birth of other children].

Please contact me within 7 working days if you dispute / require any further information on my new circumstances.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

If there you'd like to know more about child support take a look at: Child Support Payments: A Downloadable Detailed Guide.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Child Maintenance Calculator lets you find out how much child maintenance you should pay or receive. Takes less than a minute. Try it now →

101 questions

Ask Separated Dads a Question

GP 19/03/2021 at 8:31 am

goodday i am lady residing in SA i went to child support court for my son who is now doing grade 8 this year firstly the people whom works as the local court are people whom we grow up with it took me time for me to get the father of my child to get the gurnish order since he was saying a lot of things and i had to tell the judge to solve the cash finally he then started paying under gurnish order.

after a year paying for a year we stated having problem of ups and down like for three consacative months without money in when i went to complain then they pay and as we speek now the owe me money for like 10 outstanding months

now my complain is like this some last year in january he then left working and i went to tell them that he is no longer working and the official gave garanteed me that i shouldnt get worried i was going to get money from the lap sum that he was getting and i was going to be called to come and sign for a certain percent for the child upkeep

two months later i was called to come by the father of the child to come sign for money and proberly a 25% . i went to court to put signature but was told to with him if call him to come with me he would tell he is sick or he drank to much he cant go on that state

i kept on putting until the official offers to give me 20k i refuse because i was supposed to 120 please can to help to write a letter and are measure steps to take

Ripped off by ex 03/01/2021 at 11:44 pm

It's not always dad's that get ripped off. Mums do too, I had my son until he was 16 and didn't go through the courts for child maintenance. His dad and I had an agreement which worked, he made a small contribution of 50% towards school uniform, meals and school trips. I asked for nothing else. When we divorced everything was split down the middle, even though I came into the relationship with assets and he did not.. I made sure my son spent time with his father. When my son moved in with his father at 16 things all changed he claimed Child maintenance and this has continued until he is 20 as he is in college. I pay £250 a month. I no longer see my son. I was fair and considerate yet the system has allowed this man to sponge off me when I didn't do the same to him. CM have treated me like an absent parent, I not only brought my son up but paid the largest proportion of his upkeep, then was completely ripped off by his father who saw an opportunity to make money out of me and the system has enabled this. In law you are considered to be an adult at 18 so why do I have to pay maintenance. My son has a part time job and more luxuries than I have. His father exploited me and the CMS enabled it.

Sheza 26/09/2020 at 1:50 pm

Hi I want to write a letter to Bolton MP on behalf of my child who live here from more than 7 years and by the law we have to remain stay here on the basis of life in uk .

NYY 11/08/2020 at 1:09 pm

Hi im trying to find out when child support paid up. I dont have case or record #s as Domenic Carmine Barba's (my sons full name) father (Joseph Barba)& I don't communicate. Id been incarcerated so its about a year the $169/ mo backed up. My son will be 19 on Aug 29th& not in school. Supposed 2 be studying for GED but think he stopped. Originally went thru CT court in Norwich where we 3 lived. Now Im in PA & theyre in Sammamish WA. My s# 046726926. Dont have his cuz his dad took all the ppwk. My#570-998-3247
Address: ,405 E Sunbury St Apt #4-3 Shamokin PA 17872.
Any info or direction you can point me to would be much appreciated.

Hilly 15/05/2020 at 4:09 pm

When will the child maintenance stop my daughter is 18 and is no longer going back to college also they have sent me a letter to say the payments have increased yet I’m earning less now than last year how’s this right

C.laurie 26/10/2019 at 11:37 pm

Truth is I have (recovered) .and time to act( my age )men in my (age group )don’t have there children full time .and (very few )have visitation this is (reality).truth Is have never paid child support and never went to court for visitation.it is what is is in my circle sorry for all the stupid posts .i have a grip now and it’s full stream ahead for me these blogs are not for me .they are for younger people .

C.laurie 26/10/2019 at 8:50 pm

sorry website this my final post .@pjd.people think I am (mentally ill) because I didn’t want to be with the child’s mother and never went to court for visitation .been called a criminal a fraudster and the latest thing i heard people saying is I am autistic homeless man with a micro penis .haters are going to hate .yeah and with the government child benefits women get is (enough )for them I don’t need to pay child support the way I see it .because I will remind them I am mentally ill I am criminal fraudster homeless men with a micro penis that needs all his pennies .

Pjd 26/10/2019 at 7:22 pm

I have recently had to look after my son full time, as the x-wife is mentally ill. I Have applied to have child benefit paid to myself and stop payment to my x-wife , but just received a letter from CMA saying they have investigated my claim and basically they have contacted her and she has said that my son is still living with her. How do I prove that this is not the case. Any advice welcome!

daddyP 13/09/2019 at 8:37 am

I'm paying in excess of £1200/month as instructed by the CMS. I work away but I am home for 3/5th of the year so over 30 weeks per year. When I am home I have the children every Tuesday, every Friday and for 2 out of the 3 weekends I am home I have them from Friday morning to Sunday night. I am also very flexible and have them many extra days and nights when the mother asks me. I also had them for 9 days whilst she went on an extravagant holiday. This year I will easily have had them for a minimum of 52 nights (I have been keeping a diary). I am inclined to apply for a reduction to the CMS of 1/7th. However, I fear that if I do this, she will stop me having them so much as she is completely money obsessed and would stop me having them purely to ensure she receives the full amount. Where do I stand?

Steve 30/06/2019 at 2:03 pm

I am a dad not been able to see my son due to his mother, the only way I could have see him is if I went back to her which would never happen. My son is now 19 in so called full time education and working yet I have just received an attachment to my earnings of £535 PM how does this government expect dads to live as if they care. Women who use their children as weapons against dads are the one who should be made to struggle.

Angie 10/06/2019 at 6:38 pm

My son in law works in Saudi for BAE he is paying nothing to my daughter and sons can she get him to pay child support as he pays no tax or national insurance but still claims medical etc here in Britain

nst 17/03/2019 at 5:12 am

I am paying child support for an adult special needs son that's 21. He's able to get state assistance.

Michael 04/02/2019 at 3:56 pm

My son is 17. Last year, November, he stopped full-time education (less than 12 hours/week). His mother, however, is fraudulently receiving Child Benefit and so also Child Maintenance.

I've been in contact with Child Benefit who refuse to speak with me about any aspect of maintenance as I do not hold the Benefit Book, but forwarded me on to the Fraud department.

I understand from them that it could be six months or longer before this is investigated. In the meantime, I continue paying Child Maintenance which I should not have to.

The bureaucracy is impermeable. What do people do in this situation?

H 26/01/2019 at 10:15 am

My daughter's dad has been paying maintenance of £30 a week by mutual agreement since she was 3 years old and she is now 18 years old in full-time education he has stopped the payments 4 weeks ago she is still living with me and not working and so still financially dependent on me what can I do as I understand he should be paying maintenance until up to 20 if she's in education

Chris 08/01/2019 at 5:34 pm

@sjh.child support and child visitation are to (completely different things) .if you partner is on benefits or working they only take a little witch wouldn’t make him homeless .get to the (courts )for visitation his child and he self have a (blood right) to no each other do not be dictated bye his ex he will get rights gods truth .then smile and say to his get that into you ha ha .

Sjh 08/01/2019 at 1:53 pm

Looking for advice. Partner has been told to pay child maintenance and arrears that will leave him financially unable to pay his rent and bills. CMS do not appear to be interested in his actual income and expenditure. He wants to pay as much as he can afford for his daughter. He has had no access to his daughter for nearly 2 years. Surely CMS are not allowed to make someone homeless?

Fullyinvolved 21/10/2018 at 8:58 am

Hi, I’m a fully involved Dad to two children, been separated 4 years and divorced 3. Have always paid maintenance (and then some in the early days). My kids stay with me approx 160 days a year / 3 nights a week on average, plus additional time I’ve been asked to have them (always happy to do so). I have a decent salary as a headteacher and so pay quite a bit. On top of this I pay roughly an equal amount on basics and activities during my time I.e. food, clothes, football subs, drama club, weekend spends etc. More is paid for holidays too. My ex’s boyfriend has moved in with her and is contributing to her household costs. As they’re not married I know I still need to pay but my question is...am I within my rights to request that the maintenance I give covers the cost of their general upkeep i.e pays for the activities they do when they are with me / clothes etc?

I’m getting quite frustrated that Im paying for lots on my time and also paying for equal amounts on my ex’s time. To clarify though, being able to support them to access such activities is important to me so long as I can afford it.

Also just for info I have just written to her to ask for shared care as we’re virtually there now but I feel I’m getting the short end of the stick.

Any advice welcome. Thank you

Danny 17/10/2018 at 9:59 pm

@sandy .i am sorry to tell you this but yes you are to late the child support ship has sailed for you my dear it’s about I am guessing 9 years to late ?.i don’t mean to be rude are you disabled?.or a narcissist ?.did you just wake up after 9 years and go oh wait I want child support now ?.do you think that’s fair on the bio father ?.if you are struggling financially do what romans did get a job if you have one get second job .

Sandy 16/10/2018 at 1:09 pm

Hi me and my husband seperated 7 months ago and we havnt really spoken or sat down and discussed things properly i didnt wont to go down the route of child matience he has the children every other weekend im struggling financially is it too late to put a claim in thankyou

Charlie 09/10/2018 at 7:55 am

Hello looking for some advice on behalf of my husband as he’s rubbish at this sort of thing! He has a 17yr old daughter from a previous relationship who we have always paid child maintenance to, the mother stopped us seeing the child from the age of 9 and we have no contact with the Mum only through sending letters to her mothers house as they all live 2 hours away and we have no contact numbers either. Anyway, at the moment we have a family arranged agreement with the mum but this year the child left school and we have since found out on social media that her and her daughter have been in Benidorm for the past month and the child has been working out there, lots of photos and tags to prove this which I have saved. Should we no longer be paying the child maintenance? And how can we go about doing so as I don’t want to stop it just in case we are wrong ( what if she starts college after Christmas?) and we end up having to back date the money.any constructive advice appreciated:-)

SeparatedDads Editor 06/08/2018 at 10:17 am

As we are a UK-based site, we can only unfortunately give information on UK-based child maintenance laws.

Tam 05/08/2018 at 7:30 am

My kids father is trying to decrease his child maintenance. He has had two children with another woman( his reason for doing so) this is the fathers only form of support. child support in GA is now adding my income (which is not a problem) but I do not make what the office claims I do. my hours at my job vary so I never see a decent check. I was told by the support office that its what I have the "potential" to make. laws here in Ga and where I am from are very different. please give me advice on what to do.

SeparatedDads Editor 29/06/2018 at 12:21 pm

I am surprised that you have agreed to give a person who has no concept of money a lump sum amount to last the period of when your children are 18. Unfortunately, I do not think this is going to have an effect on you having to pay monthly or weekly child maintenance payments if your ex has gone to CMS, as it's about the ongoing needs of your children.

SeparatedDads Editor 26/06/2018 at 2:49 pm

As a rule, when your child leaves approved education or training payments will stop at the end of February, 31 May, 31 August or 30 November (whichever comes first). You can see more via the link here which will tell you all you need to know as when child benefit stops, so do child maintenance payments.

caring parent 26/06/2018 at 10:03 am

Hello,
I am an non resident dad,( I live and work 140 miles from my children although return every 3 weekends and have care of the children during all Christmas school holidays,half term weeks and share half care in Summer holidays ) my daughters aged 10 and 12 live with their Mum. Unfortunately, although their mum works and receives child maintenance from me and child benefit and child working tax credit she has been in constant difficulty financially, ie moved rented house 5 times in six years (Due to houses being kept filthy, She does not clean she moves),I have paid water rates, council tax etc. I have always tried to support her giving her child maintenance payments and future child maintenance money in advance and they have been used to pay off 2 £5,000 loans she defaulted on,paid two 3 year car leases to enable her to take the children to school,( I have refused to take up another car lease ( her response was " Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of my friends!" She is 32 years old! I have paid bailiffs, missed rent to landlords,deposits for houses etc. paid for all school uniform, paid money direct to school meal cards to make sure the children had money for school meals, bought all clothing, shoes and the girls ring me regularly to transfer money usually £30 a time to their mother for entertainment costs while in their mothers care, We have now reached the point where I have made a total of upfront child care payments ( under family arrangements) to cover in advance until the girls reach their 18th birthdays respectively. Now their mum has contacted CMS for payments although we have agreed via email that she has already received all maintenance payments in advance to help cover her and the children's current living costs. Where do I stand with her going back on this agreement.

Shawny 25/06/2018 at 10:52 pm

My child from a previous relationship who i pay for was in education/college and as recently finished and looking for work. Do i still pay for her..

SeparatedDads Editor 12/06/2018 at 10:32 am

Firstly, all biological parents are deemed responsible by law for financially supporting their children, regardless of whether they see their children or not. Child maintenance and child access have no bearing on each other and are considered completely separate issues. If you wish to have access to your child, Child maintenance payments are based on a formulaic calculation on the non-resident parent's earnings, 'not' expenditure. Therefore, on the basic rate for one child, the non-resident parent will pay 12% of their gross weekly income. You can see more regarding what CMS takes into consideration via whichThis should tell you all you need to know about how child maintenance is worked out.

Mike 22/05/2018 at 5:51 am

My son is 18 he has learning disability. He can claim esa in in own right. My x is claiming Enhanced child tax credit and high pip she claims a care package for him also carer allowance. Do I still have to pay my 20% until he is twenty. I see him once every two week which I spend £ 30 / 40 on that day

SeparatedDads Editor 01/05/2018 at 12:41 pm

Child maintenance payments fall in line with when child benefit payment eligibility stops. The child benefit agency will inform CMS when your daughter leaves full-time further education, , which will explain further.

Leon 30/04/2018 at 11:21 am

I have never had any contact with my daughter or her mother even though I have always paid for her - she will be 18 this month and I assume she is doing A -levels as I know she goes to a very expensive private school -

Am I correct in assuming I will no longer be liable for payments after her A level course is completed?

Who informs the CMS of this? does her mother have to tell them she has finished?

SeparatedDads Editor 05/04/2018 at 3:31 pm

If your ex is still in receipt of child benefit, then it points to your child being in full-time education. When your child leaves full-time education or approved training child benefit will stop as will child maintenance payments automatically.

Davey 04/04/2018 at 8:45 pm

How can I obtain proof of continuous education after 16.
I have no contact with ex wife.

SeparatedDads Editor 15/03/2018 at 10:11 am

When any change in circumstances occurs, your partner must inform CMS, so that CMS can keep a clear record, If your partner kept CMS/CSA abreast of changes, then these changes should be on your partner's back record. However, we are not CMS, so we have no knowledge of its administration procedures and what evidence CMS requires when carrying out an assessment or investigation. You would have to speak directly with CMS to find out this information.

Gemma 14/03/2018 at 12:48 pm

My partner has been sent a liability order stating he owes over 3000 in child support over a two year period. My partner has hardly worked in these two years due to circumstances. He’s worked around 5 months out of the 24. There’s no dispute he owes some money but the amount they are asking for is very steep. I am looking into mandatory reconsideration but I was wondering what I would need to provide and looking for a template to follow. Also if you have any knowledge on how much if he should be paying for all the months he was unemployed. Many thanks, Gemma.

SeparatedDads Editor 06/03/2018 at 2:14 pm

Regardless of whether your partner sees his children or not, by law he is still responsible for paying child maintenance to help towards the day-to-day care of his children. Child access is a different issues and if his ex won't let him see his kids, then he would have to try to resolve this either; with his ex, through mediation, or if his ex refuses to attend mediation, he would have to apply to court.

SeparatedDads Editor 06/03/2018 at 1:46 pm

No. If you name the biological father to CMS, even though he is not registered on the birth certificate by law he is still deemed responsible for paying child maintenance for his child.

?? 06/03/2018 at 8:02 am

My other have to 2 kids to his he Is on the bc but is ex won’t let him see them and since ask him for full custody of the 2 kids so he has no right over them at all so will he still have to pay Cas for the two of them since she the one that want him to give up his right over them. This is in Scotland. Can someone let me know pls

??? 06/03/2018 at 7:56 am

Dose the father have to be on the child bc to pay child maintenance

Meagan 16/01/2018 at 1:51 pm

I have gotten a letter in the mail that it was it was acceptable at this point to reevaluate my child support order. I feel like the first order was based off of false claims of income. So I want to have it reevaluated but am not sure how to proceed. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

SeparatedDads Editor 09/01/2018 at 9:32 am

Yes, your husband would have to let CMS know otherwise he could be subject to arrears, Regardless of where your husband lives, he is still deemed responsible for paying child maintenance for a child that is biologically his. The child's mother can apply to the The Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Order (REMO) Unit, which helps to register and enforce child maintenance orders internationally (where non-resident parents leave the country without maintaining responsibility for their child). There are REMO and non-REMO countries where child maintenance can and cannot be enforced.

LindaB 08/01/2018 at 3:12 pm

Hi,
My husband is paying Child Maintenance for a child that was the product of a one night stand many years ago of whom he has no contact with.
We are planning on moving abroad to a non EU country. Does he need to let Child Maintenance know and will he have to continue to pay through the Child Maintenance service if we live in a non UK country, he will not work for any UK based companies or her majesty's services or be on secondment.
He will also be unemployed with no income ahead of the move so will Child Maintenance still expect him to pay if he has nil income?
We have no contact details for the mother so cannot arrange 'family based' arrangement.
Thanks in advance.

Kitkat 29/11/2017 at 5:11 am

My ex just got out of prison and kidnap my son and filed child support on me due to me being homeless.. I havent seen my kids i. 3 months i do work but being homeless in shelter isnt child abuse i knkw.. How do i go about fighting?

Crys 25/10/2017 at 8:06 pm

Hello I need help with writing an agreement letter to stop child support payments. I am the custodial parent. I was living in the same state as my daughter's father and has since moved but my daughter stayed to finish school and both the father and I have come to an agreement to have the payments stopped. Would be able to assist me in writing a letter to have his payments stopped to submit to the courts since we both no longer live in the state that order was originally issued in?

SeparatedDads Editor 10/10/2017 at 9:54 am

You don't say why your ex is not paying. If he is not working, then CMS cannot take any more money than a basic rate as it would leave your ex very little to live on, whereas a primary carer can at least claim child benefit and/or child tax credits. Child maintenance is taken from taxable earnings logged through HMRC. If your ex is working illegally and not registering his earnings, then yes, this says more about your child's father than it does about the system. The system is not fullproof, it can only do the best with the tools it has. This means while some benefit, unfortunately others fall through the net.

Unhappy Parent 09/10/2017 at 1:07 pm

I write this as a parent rather than being a mother or father that feels hard done by.
As parents regardless of how you feel about the other person the child should always be a priorty. I find it sad that our dislike for one another far overides the love for the child.
I am faced with a partner that keeps pay below the threshold and only contributes £1 a day whilst this person and new partner enjoy a great life. Not sure what i am suppose to do with £1 a day when as someone that earns over £100 a day i find it funny that parents think that children grow up on thin air.
Even if you look at the basic cost of a child, uniform, dinner money, trips this would amount to more than £7 per week.
Put your hate aside stop being greedy and for those who have to pay do the right thing and let your child have the upbringing that they surely deserve.

Richey 14/09/2017 at 2:01 pm

Hi, my name is Richard an I'm having issues with reduction in my child support. I was paying roughly 800 a month for my son. I had gotten laid off due to reduction in force, after witch I faxed my CLEAN lay off slip to my case worker explaining I could not pay that any longer. Well they continued to charge me 200 a week 800 a month. I'm currently having to write a letter to a judge for reduction in my case. My question was simply how do I go about writing this letter an how should I go about writing my introduction paragraph. Can any one give me an tips?

Loulou 09/09/2017 at 6:58 pm

My husband has been paying child support for 12 years, initially for 2 children but now just 1. This child turns 20 next month so we are aware that csa should finish but our payment schedule still goes up to the end of the year? We have no idea if the child is in full time education as there is no contact between the ex or any of the children. Can we just cancel our direct debit or is there a letter we have to write?

Nate 31/08/2017 at 9:16 pm

Hi, I longer wish to receive maintenance from my child's biological parent, my long term partner is applying for parental responsibility & then adoption. The biological parent is perfectly ok with this, hasn't had any contact, & only pays monthly maintenance. I need to draft a letter for us both to sign with witnesses but I'm unsure as to what to actually put! Any ideas?? Thanks.

SeparatedDads Editor 11/07/2017 at 2:21 pm

The fact that you volunteer to have your your grandchild overnight would not make any impact upon the amount of child maintenance your son is entitled to pay. Unless circumstances change and your son comes to live with you would he be able to apply.

NannySprinkles 11/07/2017 at 11:07 am

Hello. I hope you can help. I write on behalf of my son. My question is in regard to overnight stays. Since separating from his wife 4 years ago my son has been living with his father and grandmother. He is not allowed to have his daughters for overnight stays so the arrangement over this time is for his daughters to stay with me (paternal grandmother)and my son picks them up for days out etc. I have provided substantial support to the mother by having them most weekends and during holidays as well as periodic days to enable her to work. I work full time but I feel that it is important to provide mum with down time and space as I have been a single parent myself and know how hard it can be. This is more than what is usual for grandparent stays and has been detrimental to my other grandchildren and my child (by my second marriage). So, my question is, can any of these overnight stays count towards a deduction in child maintenance? I know the regs state that the children must stay at the same address as the NRP but what if the NRP doesn't have anywhere for them to stay overnight?

SeparatedDads Editor 11/05/2017 at 10:12 am

Child maintenance and child access have no bearing upon each other i.e a non-resident parent is by law co-financially responsible for their child whether they see their child or not. The courts or CMS would never write-off the arrears on the basis of not having contact. Unfortunately, it's a hole that many NRPs fall into by having the misguided opinion; if they're not seeing their kids, then why should they pay for them. I can't really advise fully on this as we do not have any knowledge of the CMS's administrative procedures. However, it can ask for up to 40 per cent of a person's income, depending on their circumstances and other financial commitments. CMS may sometimes negotiate a repayment schedule and your partner may have to put together a financial statement to prove his level of hardship in order for this to apply, please see CAB whichLikewise, if your partner thinks he is being treated unfairly, I can only suggest he complains or appeals

Jrob89 10/05/2017 at 7:22 am

Hello, I am writing on behalf of my partner, who pays maintenance to his ex for his 5 year old son. He got into arrears whilst the matter went to court last year as she refused access - the matter took 3 or 4 months and the courts restored access as it was frankly unfair. During that time he paid her no maintenance (silly but he was angry). CMA purported to take almost all of his wage due to the arrears which left him in financial hardship and without enough money to even get the bus to work. At the moment he is on JSA but starts a new job next week. He will be writing to them to tell them this. Can he request a repayment schedule to help him pay back the arrears? Surely they have to work with him so he isn't suffering as a result. Do they have to take into account what he earns and his outgoings or can they take what they want?

Secondly he cares for his ex's other child (not his but the child thinks he is his dad). Child maintenance refuse to acknowledge this? He sees his the same amount of time as his son, spends just as much money and yet he is still paying the same amount of maintenance. Is there anything we can do about this? My partner has both children on average over the year, more than 1 night a week overnight. Thank you!

SeparatedDads Editor 27/04/2017 at 12:18 pm

I can only suggest you take legal advice here as the split is very fresh and presumably you wish to determine who your child should live with permanently. If you are the usual primary carer of your child i.e you are the main day-to-day carer of your child, then a court may opt for a shared -care arrangement, or for you to continue your role as primary carer. However, if your are usually the parent who goes out to work and your ex stays at home with your child, then it is more likely she will remain the primary carer and you will become the non-resident/paying parent, in which case you will be assessed on your earnings as to the amount of child maintenance you will pay. Therefore, you need to explore your options fully and take legal advice regarding whether you should fill in the CMS assessment for and/or if you don't whether you may be subjected to arrears. As it stands, your ex has taken the stance of primary carer and if you object you will have to let the courts decide with whom your child should live.

ARAN 26/04/2017 at 7:14 pm

partner ended relationship 2 weeks ago during a holiday she went on with our child, booked on a return ticket, i know now this was planned with her mother. They are in England i am in Scotland so i have began court proceddings. Received child maintenance service letter asking for collect & pay dont want this because of charges but thinking do i fill it in at all as i am hoping to get her home

Mr Jon 18/04/2017 at 10:04 am

HI - I am writing on behalf of my son - he is paying maintenance to CSA via his wages - the child is finishing school this June/July and is 20 in December 2017. I notice that the age has recently changed from 19 to 20.

question 1 - should the payments have stopped on the 19th birthday

question 2 - will they automaticly stop when they are 20 or do we have to tell the CSA.

question 3 - we have just noticed that the wife has had a partner staying with her since 2016, should the CSA be told about this and would it help reduce the payments.

thanks for your site

Kaz 12/04/2017 at 4:42 pm

Hi there i need some advice please,i have just found out that if my son has left school last year but i still have to pay child support until he finds a job,his father no longer gets child benefit and my son claims for himself,he is now 17 and my payments stopped last year when he was 16,now all of a sudden 237 pound has been deducted from my wage,my son isnt happy either as i have given him 100 pound a month since he was 16 anyway and he is happy with this,so is it true i have to pay his father until my son finds a job?

SeparatedDads Editor 06/04/2017 at 11:36 am

Mutual rational discussion is always the best way to air such views by putting forward your points fairly and logically putting your own case forward and what you intend to do as an alternative. However, as we are all aware this doesn't always work in principle. If your proposals don't go down well, then you can always suggest that you would prefer to be assessed through Child Maintenance Services in order to pay the correct amount. It's a tricky question to advise on as there is no correct answer, only the one that works for you. However, I do not advise you pay anything via cash and that all payments are recorded as if your ex is trying to falsify a claim for housing benefit purposes, this could inadvertently backfire on you.

Paul 05/04/2017 at 6:19 pm

Hi there, I am wondering if you would be able to offer some advise please. I am separated from my wife and we have 4 children, eldest 11 and youngest 5. We both still get on well for the benefit of the children and both consented to a divorce. However, when I left the family home 3 years ago, I agreed to pay £800 per month towards the upkeep of the children which I have done every month . My wife now has a job and through benefits and my maintainance, she runs the house herself. Looking on the maintainance calculator, I should be paying around £630 per month. I'm not trying to be selfish, but with my own living costs , the amount I pay is tough and I want to reduce the amount I pay, but use the money saved in giving the children better weekends when they stay with me. I hope I'm not sounding unreasonable, but my wife will definitely say I am. I feel it may jeopardise the divorce and open a can of worms to what she has declared for housing benefit. Any thoughts , ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

SeparatedDads Editor 22/03/2017 at 11:38 am

You certainly should not attempt to lie in court. This can heavily backfire and you too could be charged if you are found out not to be telling the truth. Your ex is deemed responsible for paying child maintenance for his child whether he sees her or not. If he has not paid, then he should be made accountable.

Charlie 21/03/2017 at 3:35 pm

I need advice, my daughters farther has only seen her 11 times since she was born (she is now 2 and half) the CSA finally got him with a court date and he has now called me asking to provide a letter saying he has paid me the amount they are demanding which he hasn't, he is refusing to give me any help unless I ask him for it and tell him what it's all for. I don't want my daughter to loose out in her farther as I believe every child should know their dad but this would be me lying to the courts and I am not comfortable doing that.

Can someone advise me on what's best as I don't want to be the bad person and I definitely don't want to go to court and lye as will get charged for contempt

Justin 17/02/2017 at 8:48 pm

Hi everyone, could someone please be kind enough to give me some advice. I have been contacted by the new Child Maintenance Service to say my old CSA agreement has expired and i need to arrange a new one with them. I have my son fortnighly and only pay the rate applicable to over 52 nights. My ex-wife has told them i only have him once a month and now they are saying i am not entitled to any reduction. I offered to supply an excel spreadsheet with a rota that i have and supply my ex-wife with annually, but they won't take that into consideration. They are just believing what she is telling them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated please.

msmousesmom 27/11/2016 at 3:40 am

Me (msmousesmom)continued....
I live in an 23 ft RV in a mudhole making 8.50 an hour 24 hours a week minus 50% with no gas, no food and cant even pay my space rent. Im going crazy. He says I owe him! Well I told him its called "child support" not spousal support! I obviously can not afford an attorney; nor can I afford to quit my job and lose my drivers license! Idaho does not have a court order signed by a judge or myself. I have never denied that I owed the 7000.00 to the state for the welfare checks they paid to him but that balance is still owed .They haven't been taking their monies but have been paying any support received to DAD! I asked Idaho to do a modification but they said they cant because it is arrears and not an Idaho order. I asked WA to modify the order and they said what order ? Your case is closed with a -0- balance. !!! I dont know what to do... I cant get anyone to help me and I keep getting further behind. Any suggestions?????

Art's 14/11/2016 at 7:07 pm

Hi, I would like to tell you about my situation with child support agency, I have 2 beautiful daughters with m ex, we had a lot personal problems due to her addictions, we got divorce long time ago, but for some years I couldn't pay the child support, even do, I paid the full principal balance but I have pending the interest, it is a big amount, my concern now is.. I would like to make payments to the interest but child supp. is asking for the full amount 31700.00 and they are found a small bank account that I have, and now they are getting my money, I was asking if the Child supp. Ag. could give the money to my daughters but they told me that my ex-wife is requesting her money.

Dave 14/10/2016 at 7:59 pm

Hello
I wish we lived in a fairer society that took into account all aspects of being a biological parent
I'm a father of three beautiful children by two exs that life didn't work out
The equal contact with my children only worked because I made that effort for them
My ex wife thinks that I'm a **** because I could not forgive her for being a cheat
My other ex was so dirty and neglectful that I could not be near her and I went to family court to get some kind if access to our children
The child support is another weapon for ex partners to attack
If the pwc is in another relationship getting money from them aswel as me then it's fraud no matter how much statutory law says
It's fraud in housing benefit working tax credit and to give my child to her grand parent for two nights a week without paying her a wage
But she needs a weeks wage from me every month
Is not a fair and balanced system
But proving it the domestic abuse the denied access
Just a scam and all children are being used
And decent people who want their children in their lives are being punished for being employed having a home and wanting children
The law is a long way from decent and honest

Dave 14/10/2016 at 6:00 pm

Hello
When does this abuse end ?
My ex is a cruel devil doesn't care about nothing besides money and being greedy
Housing benefit part time wages child support payments working family tax credits and has adopted her eldest daughter
Me a wage I'm not a bank thank you child support but I guess I must be
Hardship tough get on with it
If you are in extreme poverty oh well get another job so we can take even more if your earnings in a child tax
We should pay but not because it's law but as a moral standing that we the biological parents what the best for our children
So how can family courts be in favour of domestic violence and lack if dignity over access to our biological children
Me I've been to family court 9 times over access the law has to work both ways
It's just a scam another Tory meal ticket to attack working people to be put in the bread line
So how is this getting rid of child poverty if your putting the biological parent in hardship over a bs
And garnish of wages they say they never received
Then we get told oh the computer system that's got f all to do with my case it just means you are stealing my living wage
Abuse if a company leaves you with nothing to live on to buy food clothing or contact with your children it's financial abuse
The children's act 1989 it's detrimental to put either parent into hardship because it's also detrimental to the child
The Bristol report of 2005
It's easier to TARGET the parents who has a living a home and regular contact with their children than chasing a dead beat dad
Oh and dead beat mums don't exist ?
Just a massive scam
Scare tactics shambolic organisation the left arm does not know what the right one is doing
Time fir a change of thinking
If you work want access contact have a home don't sponge of the state then why are me we being punished for it
The most stupid of it all is
Fathers are not working to provide fir their kids
So the 1950's mentality is defunked
The man being the bread winner
Is a myth because of a law that is discriminative abusive and unlawful
Thank you x

Billiard 22/09/2016 at 6:30 pm

Any advice on writing a letter to my ex husband for maintenance for two boys aged 17 and 14 he's never paid any amount for the last 9 years part from pocket money to them when he sees them every weekend he sees them both for an hour on a Tuesday and Thursday where he takes them to McDonalds then on a Saturday he has my 14 year old from 5pm until 5pm on the Sunday my 17 year old goes on the Sunday from 12 until 5

ceevee 04/08/2016 at 7:04 am

Hi, my daughter's father is a seaman. We have agreed that he will be giving 5k every month for child support ( that's with the help of a PAO attorney) last May of 2014. When he went to embark again in 2014 he's been giving 3k every month only, and everytime he disembark he will only give 1k every month. Can I pursue a case against him or a petition perhaps since the amount that we have agreed was not followed?
Hoping for a response. Thanks a lot.

Zed 07/07/2016 at 4:19 pm

My husband and I split up years ago but We have become friends again he looks after the children make sure they have everything they need and has been paying for the children for a while now .
I would like to cancel child maintenance and have the debt cleared ,could you please let me know how to do so .

NTOTO 01/07/2016 at 8:33 am

i have a 2yr old son and the father of my child has been paying child maintenance but now we have come into good terms and resolved issues among us and we want to raise the child together. please provide me with a sample letter that i will present to the Magistrate. he is taking care of my son and we have a good relationship now. how to write the letter to cancel it?

URGENT

SAM123 22/06/2016 at 1:45 pm

I have been separated from my husband nearly a year now, it has been a very difficult time with regards to our 2 year old son,
the reason i left was because my husband was drinking and taking drugs, he was having our son on a Saturday on his own providing he was sober, i have also invited him to come up and spend time with his son, for dinner putting him to bed ,reading stories and bath time ect ... he has declined these offers .
i have recently found out that he is dating and the girlfriend has bipolar and he has told me she is very unstable and not taking her medication.. he has also said she is a nutter and keeps banging on his front door screaming in the night until he lets her into the house, she has contacted me via the phone with threats and screaming.
she girlfriend has 2 children that were taken away from her and is now pregnant again.
i do not want my son to be involved with all this mess, and i cant trust that my ex will keep my son away from the situation. so what do i do ??? let him see his son on his own still and hope he does the right thing or only allow him access if i supervise.
this is something he doesn't want to do , he feels he is entitled to do what he wants with his son.
he tells me im playing god , all i want is safety for my son

Jackrowe 13/05/2016 at 5:13 pm

My ex and I split up 8 years ago we have a 9 year old daughter together and she just loves to play God with my daughter. Up until 2 years ago I had my daughter several times a week and also every other weekend this was whilst my ex was out partying every night. Now she has settled down and found a new partner my ex only communicates through my mum and dad and I can only see my daughter every Tuesday for a couple of hours after school. I have sent letters to her I have rang her but she is just blanking me out. What help can I get I am really frustrated in this and my daughter is too she keeps asking can she stay with me for the weekend and there is just nothing I can do. Please help me

SeparatedDads Editor 04/03/2016 at 12:03 pm

Your fiance does not have to pay child support to the mother for a child that lives with him. Does the money go through the CSA/CMS? If so he would need to give either agency a call in order to sort this out. If the payment is through a court order, then before he begins proceedings he may want to consider Mediation with his ex. In Mediation, an impartial, trained mediator, not connected with the case, will help him and his ex come to an agreement regarding residency and the maintenance payments.

Kate 03/03/2016 at 3:54 pm

My fiance has had custody of his daughter since August 2015 due to mother losing house and getting into trouble with the law. Nothing has been sent through the courts for legally changing custi
ody. He is STILL paying child support on his daughter whom is living with us and going to school since August 2015. Friend of the court mentioned a letter could be written to have the child support stop???

Lou 1234 01/03/2016 at 4:32 pm

I need help with template letter to get my ex to acknowledge that he needs to have set days with his child a month as she is constantly messed about by him and he has stated he should see her as and when without set days a month!!
I cannot afford court etc so want to try and lead him to think I'm now taking things seriously to get it delt, in the hoping he may see I'm no longer messing about.

SeparatedDads Editor 22/02/2016 at 2:55 pm

Every parent has the basic responsibility to provide for their child up until the age of 16, when they are legally allowed to leave school and get a job. After this age, it depends what your child chooses to do. If they continue in full-time non-advanced education, not higher than A-level equivalent, for at least 12 hours a week, then maintenance payments will continue until the child finishes the course or until they turn 20. A solicitor's letter may be more effective, as it will put an official slant on the subject and ensure the facts are correct in order to prevent any repercussions. It's definitely worth the cost sometimes.

charlie 22/02/2016 at 6:17 am

My husband and I have been paying child maintenance to his other half every month, without fail for the last 11 years and have paid for any extras that he has needed (clothes, driving lessons, passports etc). My husbands relationship with his ex is amicable but strained at times and from our perspective the whole relationship jn its entirety is based on 'they take and we continue to give without question'.
My husbands son is nearly 18, he left full time education (without any qualifications) last year and isn't doing much to find a job. How is it best to go about reducing/ending the payments?..esp now he is soon to be an adult, now he is no longer in education, and to encourage him to take responsibility to find paid employment. Is there a standard letter we can use to help?
We are concerned and would like to minimise the negative response as we have, inbthe past had our tyres slashed and abusive phone calls when things haven't gone their way, and we want to follow this process through the right way to prevent any backlash.
Thank you in advance for your much needed advice.

BReal 19/01/2016 at 7:05 pm

My son's father has to pay child support for a child whom he just found out about. He also provides financially for my son however without court order. What can I do to make sure that both children are taken care of evenly and my son isn't short changed in this matter?

SeparatedDads Editor 17/12/2015 at 12:10 pm

I am sorry to hear this and it is a trap that many men are increasingly stuck in with the rise of property prices and unaffordable rents. The Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to give you some free advice, the Gingerbread helpline on 0808 802 0925 can offer housing advice to separated dads. With regards to maintenance, it may be worth giving the CMS a call via the link here to see what it suggests to get around this problem. It may be that your child maintenance would be reviewed and lowered accordingly if you moved out of your house share and rented a more suitable place. I will also broach your question to our Separated Dads Facebook users, who are great at giving advice, so you may wish to refer to this page for some other answers.

imaparent2 16/12/2015 at 4:05 pm

In 2011 my wife and I seperated. It was decided I would leave the home and two children. Since this time I have supported the children as a parent despite the obstacles put in front of me by the mother and her family members. As a result of the divorce settlement I am bankrupt which ended a well paid job which allowed me to support myself in a home which the children could visit (after going to court as the ex wife came up with possible excuse). As a result of this and the amount I am asked to pay by the CSA I am now unable to afford a home big enough for the children to stay over. The children wish to stay over but the ex wife will not consider accepting a reduced CSA payment to support the overall well being and mental health of our children. What do I do? I am presently in a house share arrangement and until the maintenance is reduced or my income increases by around £10,000 per year I cant get my own place near the children. I am having to consider moving around 50 miles away just to be able to afford my own place so the children have a change of staying over.

none 04/11/2015 at 3:37 pm

My son has not had a job for around 5 years now, he has not been able to pay child support. is in jail for an unrelated charge and was just before the judge by phone for contempt of court on child support but has never received notice that there was a court date set. they sentenced him to 35 days for this. can anything be done to stop this? he has no attorney

SeparatedDads Editor 29/10/2015 at 10:45 am

I am sorry to hear this. If you can't afford legal representation you can self-litigate. Please see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, whichYou may also find our Separated Dads Facebook page of use. The most recent question was very similar to use and our followers have given some very constructive answers regarding fighting for access through the courts. I hope this helps.

buster 28/10/2015 at 9:26 am

I am homeless and rely on friends to let me stay the odd night.
I have not seen my son for 2 years ( no reason ever given except that she has a new fella).
Up until then I was constantly in his life and shared care as he is disabled.
I'm not allowed by her to know about school hospital or anything about him yet I still pay maintenance. I can't afford a solicitor to fight her.

SeparatedDads Editor 21/10/2015 at 3:07 pm

Child support usually falls in line with child benefit payments. It depends on what type of apprenticeship or training course your son is on. Your ex is eligible to claim child benefit if your son is on an approved training course, I hope this helps.

Rodge 20/10/2015 at 8:42 pm

My son is 19 and has had an apprenticeship at a bank for about a year. His mum is still claiming child benefit and I have been paying child support. I thought these payments would stop by now and I had a letter from CSA confirming this. Several days later I get a phone call from the CSA reversing their decision. I can't understand why I still have to pay and why the CSA can change their decision.

titch 19/07/2015 at 7:58 pm

Hi we pay child care through csa and still not allowed to see the child and wen do always get messed around how can we see her without going through court

Izzy Editor 13/05/2015 at 12:16 pm

@DanB - you could just ask her to re-phrase the letter so that it reads like a passport application one and not a change of name one.

DanB 11/05/2015 at 3:59 pm

Hi all, need some advise.
My ex wife had changed my sons surname without my consent a few years ago. I didn't know until my son was saying his name and he said the new surname. When I questioned her she gave me a sob story about him wanting the same surname as his brother, thinking of my son and not wanting to confuse him as he had started school I didn't challenge it as I am of the thinking he will have the choice when he's older to change it back. I did sign a letter after talking to my son (who is now 7) confirming that I agreed to it being done, However I have just found out that she has also changed his middle name from my fathers name to the name of the man she had the affair with and is now married too. She is trying to get my son a new passport and even got my son to knock on the door with the letter (that she has typed up) for me to sign saying please sign the letter so I can go on holiday. The letter she wanted me to sign had nothing to do with the letter that she told me about and looks like an attempt to get me to agree to the change of name. I'm stuck as I don't want to upset my son by not letting him go on holiday and give her a chance to try and turn him against me but I can't accept his change of name especially as she has done it without my consent and it's after the person she had the affair with.

Mickey Editor 03/03/2015 at 2:16 pm

@Harleyquin - you can't claim child support against a dead person's estate. You can only hope he has made provision for your son in his will.

Harleyquin 28/02/2015 at 7:29 pm

Hello
My sons father has not paid maintenance for 11 years and now I just discovered he died a few weeks ago. He had an estate worth about 350000.00 pounds.
Who can claim maintenance for my son please?
Susan

nancy 24/02/2015 at 2:25 am

My daughter is 16 her so called father has never been involved in her life he hasn't paid any money for support but recently told my younger sis that he wants to meet her in fine with him seeing her but at the mo its her doing all the txting about meeting up.with my daughter that is so I txted him and told him that it should be him making the effort with her and not the wean doing all the running but since that he's backed off again in wondering is the maintenance back dated if I take him to court

Lee Editor 24/09/2014 at 1:43 pm

@Jay, you can make a claim to the CSA if you know your ex's details and place of work.

jay 20/09/2014 at 10:50 am

I am 19 years old , I am in full t8m3 education live with my mother and I have a 2 month old son the fathers wint help support him , am I able to claim maintainance

jj 13/08/2014 at 12:59 am

it isnt just Dads you know !!! plenty ofmums have been left out

daz 15/07/2014 at 8:19 pm

I have asked the csa to make a mandatory reconsideration of my calculations due to me having a private arrangement with an ex partner for the support of my daughter.

I currently have an existing case paying an inflated amount for two sons under the 2003 csa scheme. I currently pay a further amount to my ex partner which is a private arrangement for my daughter.

The csa under the 2003 scheme are refusing to make a mandatory reconsideration to take into account the payments I make for my daughter even though my ex partner has made an application under the 2012 scheme and registered it as a private arrangement for my daughter.

Where do I stand and what do I do to get my payments reduced for the payments I make for my daughter as I am currently feel that I am paying too much for my sons and the csa are not taking into account my daughters payments.

PJ 06/07/2014 at 7:51 pm

My daughter turns 19 next month, she lives with her 23 yr old partner who has a 4yr old son . My daughter is pregnant and due in November. She has been attending I believe non advanced education. She currently works nights full time at Mc Donalds... Where do I stand with continuing maintenance payments and when do these cease??

croc26 14/05/2014 at 4:37 pm

My son leaves school on 30th may. He turns 18 in july. He is going to university. Will my payments end the day he leaves school or later?

Gill 11/06/2013 at 12:08 pm

If a 17 year old is doing a part time course 11.5 hours and also in receipt of a bursary of approximately £30 per week,should child maintenance still be paid and would the resident parent still be eligible to receive child benefit?

unhappy larry 09/01/2013 at 11:32 pm

Can anybody help me with the following? I have two daughters by my ex wife and one older child from an earlier relationship and my child support payments have rocketed recently with constant updated amounts coming into effect. My job has now posted me permanantly in germany with the armed forces and my child support payments ontop of my other expenses means its almost impossible to travel the 900 mile trip to visit them. Does me being permanently based out of the uk mean that I should be paying any less? as I am struggling to survive?

Donna 17/11/2012 at 12:54 pm

Can anyone give us any help or advice on where to begin.
My husband has been unable to see his son for approx the last two years. His ex partner made visitation very difficult. One second it was ok, then it wasnt, then it was contact centre but on a day he had to work, then at the partners mothers house which proved impossible due to a clash of personalities, Then it was ok again. He used to travel from the South to the North every weekend to see him. The partner asked if he couldnt go for a few visits due to birthday parties, family commitments etc. In the end my husband went anyway only to discover that she had moved taking his son also. Since then he had been unable to find out where his son had gone. Then unfortunatley he eventually stopped CSA payments as he felt angry at paying and yet he had no idea where his son was.
We belive we may have just found out where she is but we dont know who to contact to try and have visitation given (legal route as she blows hot and cold) , how much its going to cost, how we make CSA payments, if we have to make up missing payments or what. We are totally lost. In the mean time my Husband s getting more depressed and is convinced hes going to lose his son altogether. We would really appreciate any help. He is desperate to see his son, but unfortunately as this is real life, funds are limited.

Paul 15/11/2012 at 1:52 pm

My daughter left school in June and I was told that she was attending an educational course 16 hours a week. I had my doubts and contacted CSA? They contacted my ex wife and it transpires that my daughter has never attended a course and the CSA tell me that as she is thinking about further education I am required to pay maintence for the next 3 years as long as my ex wife continues to claim that they are seeking a further education course.Can this possible be correct. there is plenty of information about the rights of the resident parent and their rights but very little guidance for the non resident parent.

Billy 27/10/2012 at 4:30 pm

Two years ago I was awarded custody of my children through court and obtained a residency order following dispute between my ex-wife and myself over the care and welfare of our two sons who were living with her.

Part of the residency also covered access arrangements. My ex wife is entitled to half of all school holidays and one weekend every four weeks.

We both live a considerable distance apart so the travel arrangements in place currently is that she collects them from my house and I collect them from her at the end of the access time.

However, I have recently been made redundant and no longer have a car or the means to finance travel arrangements. My ex-wife is refusing to take on the return travel despite not contributing to the children's maintenance in any way, shape or form.

Mediation is not an option either as it is fair to say that any interaction between ourselves has proven to be more destructive than beneficial, and in any case, anything agreed in the past with her has been retracted further on.

I don't want to go through the legal aid route to obtain a change to the access arrangement as this would mean claiming benefit.

Nor can I finance private action as that would deplete much needed savings to tide us over until i get another job.

Is there any particular forms I can complete myself to apply to the court for a change the access arrangements in the current order and if so, where can I obtain them?

I had informed of my situation and refused to help bring the children back. I told her I would not let them go with her because I have to make sure they can get to school.

However, she continued to arrive on the collection day and still refused to bring them back so I had to deny access. It was at this point she called the police and her solicitor where I was informed I could be imprisoned for contempt of court.

Setting aside my current situation which prevents me from complying with the current order, there may also be other times in the future such as illness, school tests and simple things like car breakdowns that prevent myself from carrying out a collection or permitting it, so I don't want to be in a position where I am effectively entrapped into this position again. Hence the need to pass this liability back to her

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