Perhaps you have been used to daily contact with your child or children. Post splitting with the ex this is very likely to change.
When you are not with your children all the time communication with them can become more difficult. That can become worrying, since you want to stay close to your kids, to know what’s going on in their daily lives, and what they’re thinking and feeling. But there are ways to make sure that growing apart doesn’t happen, at least if your children are old enough.
If you need to discuss communication arrangements with your ex in writing, you can quickly create a professional message using our free Letter Builder.
Online
For most kids over the age of eight, computers, tablets and mobile phones are a completely normal part of life. They are also an excellent way for you to communicate with your children. Many kids have email addresses through school, and there are plenty of web-based free mail services. You should, of course, teach them about online safety.
If your kids have a computer at home, set up an email account with gmail, hotmail or one of the many free email services. Instant messaging is also a great way to chat. This makes for a great way to keep in touch. You can set aside time on the weekends you don’t see your children to spend time together online, either chatting or playing online games together. Most computers have a webcam so visual communication through a much more interesting manner - you get to see your kids as well as hear them.
Generate a professional letter to your ex, solicitor or school. Takes 2 minutes.
Try our Letter Builder free, here on this site →Mobile Phones
The old fashioned way of communicating through speech on the phone is an excellent way of staying in touch. You can call your kids in the evening, or buy them mobiles and talk to them on their way home from school. It’s a chance for chatting on a regular basis – every evening, if possible. The calls don’t have to be long, just an opportunity for you to catch up on what’s happened during their day. Text messages are equally valuable, especially for teenagers, and texts will often cost less than calls.
My kids seem to have emmbraced snapchat as their preferred form of communication. It's good, if not slightly frustrating, because you get to see and send a picture along with your one line of text and some amateur scribbles. It has a benefit over say Whatsapp because your kids don't need a mobile phone for a snapchat account. They also have a messenger service now in direct competition to Whatsapp. Give Snapchat a try...
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
What to Talk About With Your Children
Children can be notoriously uncommunicative. Ask about school and you’ll hear “it was okay”, or something similar. Draw them out where you can, by asking a few questions, enough so you can gauge what’s happening. But don’t just talk; listen, too. Let them lead the conversation, talking about things that are important to them. Develop an interest in their interests so you can talk more knowledgeably about them (and you’ll discover that in many cases, interests can change from month to month, so you’ll be playing catch-up). If that fails a few 'How R U? xxx' messages should stimulate some conversation. In my experience it's just good to talk about anything - however short or abstract.
Above all, simply talking is the most important thing, and often it doesn’t matter what you talk about. The more you can do it, the stronger the bond between you and your children will become. Many men only talk to their children when they have contact, and it takes a determined, ongoing effort to keep regular contact, but the results are more than worth it.
Obviously, the situation is far easier when your ex doesn’t put obstacles in your way. But if you have Parental Responsibility, you should be able to have regular access via phone calls or online with your kids.
It’s important to keep as many channels of communication as possible open with your kids. Don’t be afraid to discuss issues they’ll face in life – sex and drugs, for example. These might be addressed at school, but it never hurts to reinforce them. Also, if you talk to your ex and hear about issues that the children have, discuss those with them, too. It’s not simply part of being a parent; it’s also caring and wanting the best for your children.
Good luck with however you decide to communicate with your kids...
Finally, I gave up to go to court and ask the court to make a final decision as my ex asked my daughter to write a letter to judge saying that she doesn’t want to see her father. I couldn’t take it anymore as it is the same daughter who could leave everything for one hug when I get home after work. I was broken and shattered.
I have my own family now and suddenly I saw my ex on tiktok, started chatting with her. Requesting and pleading to talk to my kids and see them. She goes where have you been for the past 5 years, oh hello, u cut off the contact and I was in court requesting to see my children. And when I said that then she goes you have done this and that to me. But she doesn’t talk about children. She is only focused on her and herself.
When the court had made a final hearing I was given an indirect contact, but she and her lawyer gave me the wrong address where my cards and letters never reached my children.
I have no clue on my children’s well being their studies and their health and so many other things. I even told her I want to support her and children with whatever I can. But she blocked me eventually on TikTok too.
Any advice how to proceed ahead.
In a recent phone call his daughter told us how she has her moms old phone and can message her friend at school, my partner asked if she could have his number to which she denied and stated she could only speak to her school friend.
This is even more frustrating as we live in the midlands and his daughter in Portsmouth, we are only allowed to visit her once every 4 weeks for the day term time and half of the holidays.
Can anyone help? Are there rules or people that can help us open the communication lines with his daughter.
to say they missed him and gave him a hug. He is at his wits end and does know what to do. He thinks if he just leaves it for her to come around that that will go against him. But it's affecting his mental health. It all seemed to go astray when he meet his new partner and her 2 children. Please can you give some advice to help get out of this situation. Thanks from a grandmother who is missing her grandchildrrn
Off her that I bought my daughter because my daughter is talking to me.we have dual custody but my ex doesn't want my daughter talking to me when she in her care but it's ok to ring my daughter when she in my care, which i don't have a problem with.
Is there anything i can do as my ex is really hard to deal with.
At what age can my partner give them a mobile phone and would she be allowed to confiscate it?
She is trying to erase him from their lives completely.
I am mostly restricted to an hour after work twice a week and one night at the weekend when she wants to go out. This is not enough time with my kids.
What is my best approach to worthwhile and meaningful time with my children?
I have put in contact order and the court has provided us with a company to help build the relationship between myself and my daughter but the only problem is she is conflicted. My ex has lied to her a lot as during the sessions we had she says things her mom told her.
I have parental responsibility, please i need help on how i can push more communication with my daughter ; is there anything i can do as i have parental responsibility. She is only 7 years old; please can you advise. Her school has called me but just once is there anything i can do more to be in my daughter life as the case is still going on in court.
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