Communication With Your Children

Perhaps you have been used to daily contact with your child or children. Post splitting with the ex this is very likely to change.

When you are not with your children all the time communication with them can become more difficult. That can become worrying, since you want to stay close to your kids, to know what’s going on in their daily lives, and what they’re thinking and feeling. But there are ways to make sure that growing apart doesn’t happen, at least if your children are old enough.

Online

For most kids over the age of eight, computers, tablets and mobile phones are a completely normal part of life. They are also an excellent way for you to communicate with your children. Many kids have email addresses through school, and there are plenty of web-based free mail services. You should, of course, teach them about online safety.

If your kids have a computer at home, set up an email account with gmail, hotmail or one of the many free email services. Instant messaging is also a great way to chat. This makes for a great way to keep in touch. You can set aside time on the weekends you don’t see your children to spend time together online, either chatting or playing online games together. Most computers have a webcam so visual communication through a much more interesting manner - you get to see your kids as well as hear them.

Mobile Phones

The old fashioned way of communicating through speech on the phone is an excellent way of staying in touch. You can call your kids in the evening, or buy them mobiles and talk to them on their way home from school. It’s a chance for chatting on a regular basis – every evening, if possible. The calls don’t have to be long, just an opportunity for you to catch up on what’s happened during their day. Text messages are equally valuable, especially for teenagers, and texts will often cost less than calls.

My kids seem to have emmbraced snapchat as their preferred form of communication. It's good, if not slightly frustrating, because you get to see and send a picture along with your one line of text and some amateur scribbles. It has a benefit over say Whatsapp because your kids don't need a mobile phone for a snapchat account. They also have a messenger service now in direct competition to Whatsapp. Give Snapchat a try...

What to Talk About With Your Children

Children can be notoriously uncommunicative. Ask about school and you’ll hear “it was okay”, or something similar. Draw them out where you can, by asking a few questions, enough so you can gauge what’s happening. But don’t just talk; listen, too. Let them lead the conversation, talking about things that are important to them. Develop an interest in their interests so you can talk more knowledgeably about them (and you’ll discover that in many cases, interests can change from month to month, so you’ll be playing catch-up). If that fails a few 'How R U? xxx' messages should stimulate some conversation. In my experience it's just good to talk about anything - however short or abstract.

Above all, simply talking is the most important thing, and often it doesn’t matter what you talk about. The more you can do it, the stronger the bond between you and your children will become. Many men only talk to their children when they have contact, and it takes a determined, ongoing effort to keep regular contact, but the results are more than worth it.

Obviously, the situation is far easier when your ex doesn’t put obstacles in your way. But if you have Parental Responsibility, you should be able to have regular access via phone calls or online with your kids.

It’s important to keep as many channels of communication as possible open with your kids. Don’t be afraid to discuss issues they’ll face in life – sex and drugs, for example. These might be addressed at school, but it never hurts to reinforce them. Also, if you talk to your ex and hear about issues that the children have, discuss those with them, too. It’s not simply part of being a parent; it’s also caring and wanting the best for your children.

Good luck with however you decide to communicate with your kids...

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.