Let’s start this by saying you never move on from your kids. They will bring you joy and grief and sleepless nights as they grow, whether you live with them or not. However, there are ways to move on from the pain of not being around them every day.
Before setting those goals, it helps to understand your legal position as a separated father by using our free Rights Checker.
It’s not something that will happen overnight, or even in a matter of a few months. Like most things involving emotions, it’s a gradual process, but it’s one you can work through and emerge on the other side.
Setting Goals
One way to Cope With Life As A Separated Dad is to set goals for where you want to be in a year, two years, and five years. Working towards those goals can set you on a path where you can move ahead and leave the past behind. These can be emotional goals, work goals, educational goals, anything you like.
Set up markers for yourself so you can see how you progress. Even if things go slowly, you’re still going forward, and it’s still measurable.
Check for signs of parental alienation and get guidance on next steps. Takes 2 minutes.
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At first, you’ll find yourself missing your kids a lot, and worrying about your Relationship With Them, whether it will suffer from your lack of presence. If you keep in close contact with them, though, and make the most of every opportunity for contact, things will turn out much better than you initially imagine.
However, that nervous feeling is likely to persist for a while, and you might find yourself walking on eggshells around your children, wanting them to be happy with you. But eventually you’ll relax, and simply be yourself with them. If you had a strong bond with your kids before, you’ll find that it won’t go away just because you’re not there every day. Remember, they’re probably as full of fears as you, wondering if you’ll still love them.
Over time you’ll relax around each other, and enjoy things just the way you used to before. In fact, since your time together will really be spent together, rather than in the same house doing other things, you might well become even closer.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
New Relationships
A good relationship is an excellent way to move on, but that’s not a reason to rush into one. Take your time and let things develop naturally. Two things you should have learnt from your split is that there are no guarantees in life, and that relationships take work. Rushing things, or trying to move too fast, can rupture something that might have been good. However much you might want to feel part of a couple again, let it grow naturally, if it grows at all. Not every attempt will work, but each one will take your further from the hurt in the past, and you’ll realise other people can still find you desirable. (Read our article on Dating As A Separated Dad on this site.)
The constant throughout everything, will be your relationship with your kids. As they grow, inevitably they’ll grow away from you a little, making their own friendships, and in time moving away to start their own adult lives. Remember, though, that would happen whether you were with your ex or not. And by the time it does, you’ll be settled in your new life.
It’s a cliché, but ultimately, the only person who can move you on and make you happy is yourself – but your kids run a very close second.
It got to the extent I started looking for someone else in my life & embarked in a couple of extra marital relationships, the first she did know about until a few months after it began & the 2nd which she knew about from the outset as both of us began to realise I had to move on, despite what that all entailed.
My 2nd extra marital relationship is now over 18 months old & so serious that I live with her 6 days a week, visiting my daughter once every week. We have already looked into getting married long-term next year, once my separation & divorce has been finalised.
My ex to be has been so understanding despite the huge emotional turmoil this has caused particularly for my daughter who is still struggling to accept things & we are still friends.
My new partner however is understandably starting to struggle big time that I have not fully moved in with her yet (she is a very needy person who has been through 2 failed relationships herself, one of a year or two, the 2nd over 20 years & has 2 boys, aged 23 & 19, the eldest of which lives elsewhere & just got engaged) & she is pushing me harder to move all of my possessions, in addition to essentials I have already taken with me. Her house is over 45 miles away & I am still working not with the same employer not far from my ex.
This all must seem a very odd & unusual separation given the fact I have been so driven to find someone else before leaving the marital home permanently & that I had never contemplated my marriage would come to an end like this, having never even thought of straying or looking for anyone else up until 2-3 years ago.
Today is D-day for me as I am going to see my solicitor to sign my separation agreement (my ex has already signed hers) & at the same time I am at my old house trying to sort out all the rest my possessions to take with me & struggling to do so.
I am feeling very scared, filled with dread at the thought of moving all my stuff, worried about my daughter's state of mind through this but at the same time desperate to somehow look forward to life with my new partner.
Yes I feel so guilty as well that things have come to this, however my ex has also found someone new in her life (almost a year now) & whilst she says she will never marry again, I'm happy for her.
As much as I'm finding It so difficult & hard to make that final step in moving on, I know I have to for everyones sake as its the only decent thing I can do, given that I instigated my intention to find someone else in the first place.
But I desperately need some help, guidance & reassurance that things will work out for all of us in the long term as I cannot s
We did not end well and im worried she will try and brake us up out of jealousy by making up lies about me that my new partner might believe and then leave me.
What should i do?
My wife recently split from me and filling for divorce and we have an amazing 2 yr old daughter. It’s imprtant to me to still have the same father roll and maintain that... I do want to get her back and she’s seen big changes in me. I’m stuck in a middle road of continuing the new me hoping she’ll eventually see me for who I am or moving on with my life and start dating, as I don’t want to have false hope..
Do you have any advice as to how I should approach this?
Thanks
During the three weeks when was living with my partner I Intimation by my father in law twice wanting to square up to me even though I would not cause any seen and inappropriate Intimation towards him and in 2009 when I took my relatives to see my partner for the first time my partner went with one of her friends drinking down the road and when she arrived back she throw both myself and my relatives out because I said to her why are you so late the behaviour I received from my partner and her father was disgusting . Through having travelled 2 1/2 hours back to my home that night she rang to apologise which I throught was genuine .
but instead after time went on it got worse I was being controlled in February 2010 we got married which I through this person was genuine and decided to make it work with her. At that period my partner was 43 and I was 34 which I was gullible . In 2011 when I remained living with my relatives my partner and I talked about getting our own place and to be independent from our families that year we went in a bank and got a large loan out to originally help pay for our first property though also because my wife also was having difficulties with conceiving we also put this on the large loan. Though from 2009 to 2013 my wife still wasnt living and I was commuting to and from London everytime when my wife got pregnant I did the same including my wifes 3 pregnancy emergencies in which she remained living with her Disabilied father in london in there Housing Association 3 bedroomed council let which I again felt quite strange about my wifes chooses as we brought our house October 2011 and having done all the decorations myself for our house ready to be parents in our new home I felt seroiusly belittled and used When my wife remained living with her father we got loans to modernise it. Though at this point I knew I was being taken for a ride my wifes behaviour was unreasonable if she didnt get her own way she then she would be emotionally cruel towards me I felt trapped though I loved our children and was over enjoyed with becoming a father for the first time everytime I went to support my wife I left my work during night shifts to be there for our children when they was babies. Though what truely upset me is that when my wife remained living with her father in londo
Weve arranged that she will continue to pay her share of the mortgage and ill stay in the house where my daughter will stay with me 4 nights a week.
If she decides to change this, do I have any way to force her to keep the agreement without a court forcing maintenence payments that neither of us can afford?
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