I feel let down buy all the people I contact. My solicitor won't go any further until she gets legal aid and I haven't seen my children for nearly two months. I have been told it could be another month before she can apply for the aid.
Where does a father go from here? We should be able to have responsibility for our children - we are not here JUST to bring them into the world and then leave. We want to play an active role in their development.
I would like to go to college and gain some qualifications that will enable me to help fathers in distress, as we all suffer from being on our own. What are the best steps I can take to help myself and other dads in this situation? Is there something I could learn about in college that would be useful? I really need to get help with my problem with my ex so I can help others in a similar situation and reassure them that they are not alone.
As a father you are setting a good example by wanting to fix problems with your ex and be able to see your children regularly. Unfortunately, the legal system can be slow to sort things out and this can be very frustrating for you, especially when you are unable to see your children in the meantime.
If your ex is preventing you from seeing your children, you can get immediate guidance with our free Access Denied Action Plan.
Ultimately, it is still the best route to go down in order to secure your Rights To Visitation and to play an active part in your children’s upbringings, but there are other steps you can take. The legal system is there for good reason and does play an important role in securing fathers’ rights, but is not the only solution.
You do not say what your relationship with your ex is like but you may want to consider asking her to attend some Mediation Sessions with you. You both need to work hard to put your children first and Find A Way To Communicate With Each Other. By agreeing to visit a mediator it gives you both a chance to express your feelings and opinions and to try to understand each other a bit better. You are always going to have a relationship because of your children so the smoother this can be, the better.
Check what legal rights you have as a separated father. Takes 2 minutes.
Try our Father's Rights Checker free, here on this site →This may also be the best route for you to go down in order to help other fathers. Most men who are dealing with this kind of situation have a lot of emotions to deal with and could really do with someone to talk to. As someone who has experienced it, you would be in a great position to help them. There are many counselling and mediation courses available, either through your local college, private classes or distance learning that would be a great start.
Another thing to consider would be for you to visit a support group or talk to other men who are dealing with Visitation issues. There are a number of Internet forums and also groups that meet in person. As well as helping other men, you need to feel that you are not alone and it would probably help you to talk to other fathers who have dealt with the same thing. Why not read up about your rights as a separated dad here.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
After the initial NMO your ex will then repeatedly contact the police with lies. The police will come to your home and arrest you. You will be released because these things never happened. However, your ex will face no consequences. During this time she will not hand over the children. She will continue to use the police and courts to harass you. Eventually you will snap (which i did by text) and you will be arrested and charged.
In family court the judge will make a song and dance about fathers seeing the children. You will get court orders saying you are allowed to see your children. However, your ex will not hand them over as there is no consequence to her. If you show up at her door to demand to see the kids your ex will ring the police. You will be arrested for harassment. You will be in and out of court for months listening to ridiculous allegations made by your ex. In most cases you will have to pay for this privilege whilst your ex receives legal aid.
Also if you are a man being abused by your wife DO NOT report this if you have children. In my case i was able to prove my ex partner had split my head. I was able to show photos. However, a woman just has to claim you were the violent person. She does not need evidence.
I have not saw my children for almost 2 years. In court I have proved her NMO was fabricated. I have proved that her subsequent allegations were fabricated. Through her own text messages she admitted that she told lies to court. That her solicitor told lies. That her solicitor made up lies to simply obtain legal aid. Neither faced a consequence to their actions. And here is another fact. A judge on a colossal wage has no time to learn about the facts of your case or read the facts of your case. However, he will go through every allegation made by your ex with a fine tooth comb.
I am choosing the court route so I can show my kids in later years that i fought tooth and nail to see them.
However, I understand now that there is no hope of seeing the children again. Courts cannot and will not enforce their own orders. Men have no chance from the outset in family court simply because they are men.
I'm currently looking for advice on how to get some form of access to see my son,
my ex partner split up with me when my son was a month old she called the police and got me arrested on many false allegations to which I have been proven innocent, I've been to mediation to get the c100 form but looking at solicitors but they all seem really costly! I wouldn't mind the price its the fact I can't afford it due to losing everything, my little boy is one this month and I really want him back in my arms. if anyone could point me in the right direction it would be really appreciated!
many thanks.
I am writing to you because I don't know where to turn and I am desperate to know about my children. My name is Jose Simoes and currently live in Ipswich, I have a full time job as a registered care home manager.
I used to live in south Wales more precisely in merthyr tydfil and I have 2 children with my ex wife. When we first separeted (now divorced) she allowed me to see my children, and I always paid and still paying child maintenance every month without fail. Now that I remarried she wont allow me to see or talk with my children, I don't even know where my children is, and this has been going on for too long now.
I am a completely desperate to see my children but unfortunately no one has been able to help me. There is no reason in the world why I shouldn't see my children. PLEASE HELP ME
My ex then practice alternative life style that is meat free; chemical free and pretty much technology free too. She moved to France with her boyfriend after the home was sold. So seeing the children were no longer easy as before; restricted technology used meant I did not even have regular contact with my children via messaging apps or even just normal phone call. I ended up seeing the children 2 times a years by going to France to bring them back to UK for a week each time.
Recently my ex have refused children to visit during the summer time and also for Christmas time; labeling my house is “Toxic” for the children because we have WIFI on 24X7; using laundry detergent like every other house; wash ourselves with shampoo and shower gel like everyone else; having meat on dinner table; watch TV; play games; buying clothes and eating chocolate. I see my house is a typical British house; following typical life style but unfortunately my ex see these thing poisoning the children.
My ex want to lay down conditions when the children visit that I cannot agree; she always had the upper hands using the children to get what she wanted because she knew how much I love my children. So I can no longer give in and there should be no conditions for father to see their children.
I wanted to take her to court buy stopped by my wife concern how my children might be affected and angry at me instead.
My children are 15 and 13; are children allow to make their own decision which parent to stay with when they turn 16?
Someone I used to work with is going through a rough time, he is now unemployed and hasn't seen his daughter this year as his ex has just cut him out of her life.
I know he is also in debt so says he has no money to get a solicitor etc.
Is there any free legal aid available to him please?
The needs of his daughter have gone, as a disabled person she has achieved a lot. He Bragg’s about her but he didn’t help one jot. She sees him, the whole time I get text about what he and her are doing.! The last text text says, “ he has bought her a car, a mini, that was for me wasn’t it”? Yes, in 2017 that’s what he promised and help with everything else, now the door is shut. He is so desperate for company in his life, What do I do? Not my business.......but my daughter is so defeated?
So me and my girlfriend have recently split up say a few weeks now. She has my 3yr old daughter that she is giving me real limited access too? The reason I am looking for advise on the situation is I have a 10yr old girl too from a previous relationship and she obviously loves her sister and they are both crazy for each other. I have my eldest daughter every other weekend where she will stay with me from Friday to Monday morning when I take her to school. But the only access my ex is giving us is a couple of hours on a sat morning. And it’s at her home witch happens to be the flat that I am still paying for while I am sleeping In my parents spare room with my 10year old. I am trying to get access and I am constantly asking how she is and when we can see her and she purposefully does not reply. I understand she is hurting and upset with me because I left her. But I think she is damaging the relationship between the two girls and between me as well. I just really don’t know what to do with any of it at the moment? I want to go mental at the woman but obviously I have kept calm and not used bad language or anything towards her. To that though she has been the reverse calling me dumb and a f*##ing sh*t dad. I really need help as to what I can do to get this woman to realise she is damaging two sisters relationship.
Divorced 12 years and still no sign of letting up.
At 11 she refused to see or speak to me.
I call every day. He has messages go directly to his cell. If I go there he threatens police and causes a scene. I'm blocked from all his phones.
Three years now.. If she talks to and sees me he causes drama making it look like I'm at fault.
Last week I received emails from his lawyer. He than made fraudulent email looking like I sent it saying I wish to sign off on her. All lies. He showed her this email,, saying he wants her to know what I've done.
At Whit's end. I advice and what I've done is anyway I can I tell her mons here and never leaving. I'm a min away .
Thank you for your advice on the above, whilst I appreciate your comments i should have said that it is not me that has been harassing her it's the other way round. Also I had forgotten to say that she did not need to contact the Child Maintenance Service as she receives over £1000.00 per month of rental income from a property which I should be receiving half of that sum namely £500.00 therefore being as she has kept my share for herself she should have spent the matter on my child, therefore I am perfectly justified to state that she should never have contacted the CMS unless it's a matter of revenge and no I have never buried my head in the sand, try understanding a dramatic change of live which has been foisted upon you suddenly then you'd have been more understanding with your comment. I am not asking you to agree with me whatsoever, as the saying goes he who feels it knows it!!
My ex-wife has committed innumerable amounts of fraud and identity theft against me for some time pretending that we are still married and have moved to the same address!!
She has even taken out a Child Maintenance Service Order as some form of revenge in order to solicit money from me, everything she does when it comes to me is to try to solicit money from me if it's not through having the utility company send debt letters, it the Council Tax now the CMS. This situation goes beyond belief!!
What advice, guidance, support or direction can you give?
Recently, I have found out I have high blood pressure and a few other health issues. Nothing major, but enough to get the conversation going of 'what would happen to the kids if I passed away?"
Their dad has them 2 nights and 3 days a week, but we are about to have talks to reduce and change this as his severe physical disability-muscular dystrophy-and mental health issues (psychosis and personality disorders) and the side effects of the medications for those are making it likely that he will be more and more unable to care for the boys in the years to come, and it is likely he will pass away early, too.
My partner has been in our lives and lived with us for the past 5 years, and we are a family of our own. The kids have a different but important relationship to the ones they have with me or their dad with him. Mix of uncle, big brother, and teacher. While I'm here, he is a step parent that has stepped up. If their dad were to pass away, or become too ill to see them one on one, just for short visits etc, then my partner is there to fill in that role of support that they will need. He'll never be dad, but he is a big someone looking out for them.
If I were to pass away, they could not safely live with their dad now, let alone in the future. My family would step up and take my boys in to live with them. As it is a real reality, my mum has purposefully bought herself a house the boys can live in if they needed to.
I would want them to keep the relationship with their dad if I were not to be here. If my family were to object - grief does do funny things to people, and discrimination against mental and physical health is not uncommon in the world - he can at least pursue a legal challenge to continue access as their dad. It might be accompanied access or something rubbish, but he'd still have them in his life.
I was wondering though, would my partner have any right whatsoever to see them again? He is a big part of their lives, and they are a big part of his. If I were to pass away, would he lose his whole family? Would they lose him?
we ended the call. Her mother then calls me saying i had told her partner "a pack of lies" i told her it was the truth but she is just as irrational as her daughter. They were both very abusive to me on the phone. I do not know what my ex has said to them but they have informed me that upon advice from social services, they have been instructed not to let the children stay at my house, and that i can only see the kids at their house with their supervision??? i have contacted social services only to be told that they can't give me any information other than to seek legal advice for access to my kids. I don't know what to do with my ex, i live in constant fear of her and its making my life unbearable? What dod i do? i just want to be there for my kids.
My partner has 2 girls from his relationship prior to me, she hates me as blames me for relationship breakdown even though it was over before we got together, my partner initially could see his kids whenever he wanted, now she us stopping him unless he ends it with me or very least I am kept away from his kids, which will be difficult soon as moving in together as he currently stays with his mum and dad, I am good person, good job with a child of my own, she is also harassing me at work and spreading gossip about me around the town I work in which is where she stays, my partner is withholding the £100 plus he normally gives her per month and putting aside until he gets to see his kids again.
Any advice on how we go forward would be great?
I was able to trace where she lives now but i want to know the necessary steps to take so i dont lose both ways.
PLEASE HELP!!!!
Went to work and when I arrived she left with boys I really don't know what happen everything seems good .but seeing this is guess it wasn't. I made a report haven't got no answers .can't get my boys certicate because I made the report and still the investigator having gave me any solution tours this case and I havenever slept looking for them .
my ex make false allegation on me to look my self bad person.
i need help.
she cheated on me and my kids, and she left my kids once home alone. but i didnt get any help from social services, im saving money so i can get place for kids. One person already left my ex wife and now she got another man, my kids dont like that. dont know what to do...
Is that right because I thought I could self litigate so would I still have to pay for the court order any help would be appreciated.
Thanks Alec
Any help would be very appreciated.
I could do with some advice/support. I am in the process of divorcing my wife. First part completed and awaiting settlement of financials. We have two children aged 10 and 7. I moved out and still pay the mortgage (£1,900 per month) to ensure the children are comfortable and they have stability. This will need to be addressed in order for me and my ex to move on and we had agreed to sell and split equity (split being decided as part of the divorce). I am staying with family and have had an on going understanding that I have kids every other weekend Saturday morning to Sunday evening. Due to space and reliance on other I am unable to offer more overnight stays. I had previously also seen them for a couple of hours twice during the week. My ex has cancelled that citing I can only see them if I pick them up from school and with my working hours that is not possible. She works part time as she wanted to do this. She has now stopped me seeing them at all and taken the kids phone off them so I am not even able to talk to them. She is happy for me to take them away for holidays throughout the year and we have always been so close and I am a very hands on father. It suits her when I take them away but that is now in doubt. I am in turmoil and want to get my own place (with equity from home)
in order to see them on a properly agreed basis. In the interim, what can/should I do?
My ex and our daughter (12)have allways clashed resulting her living with me more or less full time also I was awarded both child benefits and tax credits as both were spending more and more time with me but the last couple of weeks my ex has been trying to convince our son (8) to live with her and now is saying that I can't have him on his days. Today (01.06.16) is supposed to be my day of having him until Monday this has kept me up all night and is breaking my heart. PLEASE could you give me some advice of who to contact before this gets out of hand. Thank you
Man suffered the same emotions then he would be demonised. I believe society in applying equality need to apply the same principles to both men and women. My partner does an amazing job of bringing his daughter up and has always encouraged a relationship with his daughters mothe and know there are thousands of men out there who are the same but get treated unfairly. People may think it's strange posting this comment but feel it's important that there are women out there who believe in equality to men just as much as women.
Firstly I am a woman, writing this on behalf of my partner and would appreciate all the help I can get on this one. Its quite a long one so here goes...
My partners Ex wife is extremely difficult, long story short: she left him for another man, after a couple of months of them being separated I met my partner and we began seeing each other. She saw how happy we were and wanted that for herself, so she left the guy who she left him for and started trying to get back with my partner. Now because he hasn't gone back she has tried every trick in the book to hurt him.
She stopped him seeing the children because they had been introduced to me, so he went straight to a solicitor and got a court date for 3.5 months later. During that period he was only allowed to take the children out if she went with them etc everything had to have her involved. She would then tell him he could have the children over night or for tea and then just cancel at the last minute. It was an extremely difficult time for us all.
Court day - so it came to the big day and the solicitors ask you to meet an hour before the scheduled hearing to try and make some ground work beforehand. So they were back and forth for the hour and seemed to be making progress, they had agreed he could have them 1 night on the weekend and 2 evening after school (collect from school and return at 6:30), the agreement concerning me was after 3 months the children would be allowed to be introduced to me and I would be allowed around them.... so all this was agreed out of the court room, between the solicitors. It started off fine, drop off and pick ups went smoothly, stuck to days and times etc. Then she started asking if he could keep them later on the evenings and longer on the stay over nights, sometimes extra nights. So on paper he is down to have the children 1 night per week (so she can claim more maintenance from him), when in actual fact he has had them for 2 nights and 3 evenings for the last 3/4 weeks.
So the 3 month period is almost up and she has really upped the ante. One minute she is saying that they are as much responsibility as hers (when she is wanting him to have them more nights, extra time etc) but then will arrange for the children to be going to friends houses for tea on the days he has planned to have them. She is still dictating when he can and cant have them even though this court order states days and times. Also its getting nearer to the time I am allowed to be introduced to the children, and she is now trying to dictate when I am allowed to be there and what we can do with them. I am the constant topic of conversation.
Please bear in mind that this woman has bad mouthed me since day 1 to these children, all lies, telling them things that children should not hear and know about. We are going to have problems with the eldest all from what her mother has said to her. She has tried turning them against their dad too, again more lies and actions of an extre
I used to have them over night at my parents of a weekend, Where they had their own room and everything was alright and it worked for them, I would take them to dancing every Saturday and Rollerskating every Sunday, But they are no longer allowed, And they loved it.
I dont earn a great deal of money and my family have helped me buy essentials like uniforms for schools and dinner money etc, I work away from where they live, but travel to be with them every weekend, Well i did until, recently her and her new partner took them on holiday during school time, and wanted Me,my Mum whom works at the school and the girls to lie and say they had to go to Devon because of a family emergency, I explained to them that I would not lie and thought it was not right morally to expect the girls to lie in order to prevent them from getting a fine. Do we not teach children not to lie. To cut along story short the welfare officer rang and asked me if I knew where the girls were, So i told them the truth, They have now received a fine, Bless the girls they actually said to friends and teachers that they went on holiday and she is blaming me, Which i dont mind, because i dont want to put the girls in an awkward position with their Mum. But surely they only have theirselves to blame.
She called me a few choice names contacted the CSA who are now on my case asking for £194.50 a month, Which i have know problem paying but feel a little hard done by as it feels like im now paying their fine but this really restricts me when paying for things like their dancing, which their mum wont take them to or pay for.
I still go round every weekend, and see if they are allowed to come with me, and sometimes they are playing outside the front, so i will just stay with them outside, anytime is better than none. She constantly says they dont mind that they are not coming with me, but i know they want to, I have asked them.
I just think its so unfair on all of us, I would not mind so much but just today her partner rang me and said why has he got a fine, so i explained because he went on holiday, he then went onto say that its not a problem because he is raking it in and how does it feel that he has paid for the girls stuff, taken them on holiday and that i havent, I have not contributed at all to weekly shopping etc, I explained that if the girls lived with me then of course i would and i do contribute to the girls and yes i do get help from my loving parents but alot of the things i do do go unnoticed to them because i have not taken them on a £4000 holiday, I would love to but more so now that will not happen as the money i was trying to save to take them to a caravan is going to CSA. It frustrates me as i pay into their child trust funds for when they ar
I on the other hand went through a really hard time, I constantly have problems with my ex, jealousy, anger, etc etc, this time she has gone to far and really hurt me, she came to collect our child on Tuesday and she came early, I was round the corner with my child and my ex walked in where there was my mother, and a female friend, apparently her face dropped, my mam ushered her out and my ex asked who is that woman, I then came round the corner with our child, my ex asked if she was my girlfriend I said no, then she stormed off, stopped at the top of the street and shouted ( YOU HAD ONE CHANCE AND YOU HAVE BLOWN IT YOUR NEVER SEEING YOUR DAUGHTER AGAIN ) I just came in the house, then she rung my phone and asked, who is this woman? is it your friend or your mams friend, I said my mams friend but I know her, then she called me from a pig to a dog, said I did not care about my daughter and hung up, two days later she changed her Facebook profile picture to her, and him with my daughter, he is holding my daughter ( IT HAS KILLED ME ) I never contacted her but really felt like it as the pain is unbearable, I messaged her today asking if I am still seeing my daughter this week she said ( what after some strange woman has been around her, I don't think so ) this really knocked me off my feet, then I am told she is posting pictures of her boyfriend with our daughter on Facebook and tagging him with ( our little family ) I feel empty, she left me for this guy, I am civil still, she has a new boyfriend and he lives with her, could someone please tell me why she is being so cruel, I have never felt so emotionally destroyed in my entire life, my daughter is all I have, I am a great dad, please help me understand her, i dont have enough money to go to court, so this is not an option
Mike
We're should I start or begin , So I'm from Washington and had my spouse living with me than I cheated on her but she took me back but she always had trust issue with me and accusing me of stuff so after that we'll fight so much and agree she left my house with my girls and move to Texas.
I we'll go up there and and visit them when I can and she diceded to give me another shot so I came back to Washington gave my 2 weeks notice and rented my house to go up there before 2 days of moving up there she started asking questions and wanted to know if I have cheated on her again so I got affended after everything I done and me going up there she came up with all this so we fought a couple days pass I try calling her and nothing so after a week I took the courage to move to Texas but she doesn't want noting to do with me and doesn't let me see my daughters at all I try calling her . Emailing her an texting her . I don't know what should I do need some advise I'm going crazy not knowing about my daughters anything we'll help thank you .
Many occasions her mother keeps disliking me, told that my recent partner is taking children to stay on benefits, reason i can not have relationship with this woman is partly because she has a disabled child older, [not mine.
The mother sates she is a full time carer for this child. She also sates and said this in front of me, when i went on a visit to the house, if that her daughter would date me again or move in my home her mother would put her child in care and disowned her daughter. Blimey i just wanted to get out the house. tension, i was feeling it.
In the little time i engaged with this woman, she seem to have some kind of disorder, stressing her views and not even really interested that i am a dad to her children. uncertain what's wrong with mothers health, which i really don't have any idea sitting on dvla benefits, , their is issues at the mothers home and i seen proof of it,
Recently my ex told me recently, I am made certainly not welcome at her home, brushed off and not to go near the daughter and threaten to stay away. Hum, could be lies to palm me off ?
My ex is so horrible to me, i am an unlucky guy who is faithfully and kind, loving guy. many of my family and friends say to keep well away, told they all have mental heath issues ?,
Am i feeling i am being victimize in a way and very bulled off, been slander to such a high level, it feels like it. i not certain what to do here, 1 child and one on the way and a 4 year old, im gutted and sad, promised so much. It takes a lot to man up and want to be with children, i do, i cart help getting this empty feeling inside me.
I do already have a court order from my previous ex, contact with my over disabled son is good. I like to see my new born child, I have allready been and went 3 years already in court.
Its hard.
what can i expect this time ?
sod these over children and let the mother and her mother brainwash the kids.
do i report her . get dna ?,
report to child tax credits be financially worst off long term?
get social services involved ?,
Take her to court -
walk away ?
I want a better engagement, life has really turned around. Trying to live happy, today is much hard. moving on is too. Give advice please,
I need expert advice, very troubling situation. I have so much on my mind and recently breaking down, panic attacks , light head, sick, over tired, stressed out. I need some release.
My story follows.
iv,e been dating a woman on and off for about 5 years,apparently i have a son nearly 4,
I did see this child and had only slight little engagement with him.
After a recurring relationship with this woman for sometime,
I did get constant abuse, threats and stupid lies from her, half the time i couldn't even make any sense of what was happening.
Got very fed up, so i asked for dna of this child, told lies, given abuse time after time over a long period,
I gave up the chase for a great time, i did try many of times to find the building blocks and new ways, means, but allays pushed back, time after time. after about 3 years, and the last year gone, we recently buried the hatch and made up last year. she moved in my home, last year for half a year, shortly after came the son to move in, We decided to have a child and have our own family,
Then suddenly she became pregnant of 26 weeks. before i asked to register the over son him in my name, put off, more stories shortly just to find out this son i had never really new that well, had some kind of adhd. or behaviour issues.
She quickly took the child back to her mothers, when i spotted the kid swearing and playing up so much. well last seen the child since in 5 months.
Soon then after she walked out on me and no answers to why? blanked me off and refused contact, very similar to the same as when we first dated each over. However I did find a way around to make some responding with this woman for the new unborn baby sake. hard work: on many exempts to resolve issues,
Ihad got given constant threats and abuse, lies from her, some say this is normal from woman who is pregnant, but not the kind she gave me in txts to drop dead and kill myself, over disturbing msg,
I put myself to one side, what is making her like this, bipolar disorder ? i ask her. said no i have not issues, then she would back fire on me and make me out to be mental myself. i ask the question, i must be mental to had be with you. Not how i like to see this as i am caring and fun loving. times she showed me.
She said, she knows never hurt her, that i am pre found in many ways.
So what's with all the bad ?
I did loved this woman.
i was willing to help as much i could do for her, but she states her family do not like me (same stories and she turns into a nasty piece of work. Is her family playing her off ? or is it just her ?
Well another stories, i got back stabbed by this woman recently, she made all fully remarks, about me to my ex partner as jealous of my over child and tried to spoil my relationship with my disabled boy.
I got the horrible txt and sent it back to her, she reply, so bloody what you sort it out and i
I understand it stinks being away from our kids. What i don't understand is how a broken system allows men who want access to their kids, consistently denies and honors the "mother" who in this day and age is probably the worst place for them based on the manipulation of/by them as stated here.
I am divorced and at the end of 2012, when the marriage was over, the day i moved out the "boyfriend" moved in. No problem, I wanted to meet the man living with my children. "That's never going to happen" was the response, which was devastating, but I could live with it. When my financial circumstances changed, I was forced to readjust the support i was paying and return to court and was granted relief. Much as i suspected, said "boyfriend" when the money was gone, so was he. As a result, my ex has some very powerful influences in the legal system in my state since she works for very powerful attorneys. She obtained and "Order of protection" against me, unwarranted and without justification, since she has some pretty close ties to the system. There is no history of abuse, no physical violence etc. I returned to Family court and obtained an order to call my kids each day, even went so far as bought them cell phones to reach them to which their mother and friends hid them, shut them off or they were "lost". Since my only alternative to communicate via the court order was to call her, she refused to answer the phone and i was charged with multiple misdemeanors and 2 felonies in violation of the order. I had valid proof in my cell phone of her meeting with police officers she had "personal" relationships with and once discovered by them by monitoring my phone, my phone was taken without a warrant, and I was arrested and rotted in jail for almost a year. While in jail, I was served to "pay back child support" to which upon my release, I went to a hearing and was told by a judge I could not see my kids until I paid back support. I appealed the decision but was told it was not appeal-able and have not seen my children in over a year, any contact with them will result in a violation of the order and I am sad and need help. The legal system is faulty and has failed me based on some other circumstances and mitigating factors. I have since been reassessed a support payment equal to 93% of my wages, back support based on an income I made some 7-8 years ago, have tried to appeal and was denied a hearing and surly again face jail time here for it if i don't get it under control. Tomorrow I am headed to CPS, but, this is ridiculous. The system allowed this woman to lie, cheat, use her influence, and my life is in turmoil as a result. Recently, she lied in a court order stating "I didn't learn my lesson" while in jail for a year. I haven't been within a thousand feet (1000 ft) nor
I love my son and thought I was married to a bright caring woman. Yet she uses all the tactics that everyone else is mentioning here when we separated. I do not recognize this person that she has become. I have not seen my son in months and the frustration of of not seeing him is killing me.
Seems if you have done nothing wrong you get no support.
I have been wondering if this is a case to take to social services, it looks to me and other that people back in her home town have been trying to take control of the situation. Everytime I speak to her, one minute she will get back to me about contact, next day I'm told I have to got o court. I tried a mediator which she refused to attend but then the next minute she agrees to meet with a family member present (as they are more neutral than solicitor??).
I don't really want to take her daughter away from her brother (which is what I will pursue if I go to court), If social/safe guarding can't help, I might have to (which just makes me into the villain).
Due to my current shifts which are 5 days on and 3 days off, I realistically only get 2 weekends off in every 7, the first being fri, sat,sun, the next being sat, sun, mon.
My ex has access to my shift planner via one of the boys iPads which is lied to my iTunes account and my iPad, so knows what. I am doing at any given point in time. However, when I have mentioned about having them on my 3 down days during the school hols, they are doing something.
It has come to a head now, as I'm having my youngest this weekend fri, sat, sun, but have been told cannot have the eldest next weekend as she (my ex) has got something planned.
What can I do about this, I don't want to be heavy handed or resort to law, but am getting to whits end now.
I was meant to have him in 2 weekends time, I went to call her the day before I was due to have my son as normal and planned and it went to voicemail, unfased i left it a couple of hours assuming she was on the phone, I tried all day, the phone wouldn't ring, I rung her mum, same thing happened, I messaged her on Facebook, she had blocked me instantly after.
And now I am back to square one again with no clue what I have done or what to do next. All I want is my son and I will be driven to hurting somebody if I do not get him back in my life. I'm at the bottom and I can't afford the court fees. So what do I do? Nothing, she gets away with it because she's not breaking any laws.
In 2014, how is this legal and allowed to happen, this is so unfair on my son and myself. I find it a disgrace that I have to pay for court and she gets away laughing at this. Something needs to be done to mothers like this.
Cheers
Also a friend of mind got accused of assaulting his ex wife when returning his kids to a public place in manchester. What his ex didn't bank on was he always met here in a public place where there was CCTV and unsurpsingly when the police check thed CCTV she was found to be lying. he got locked up for 1 night while they check and she got off scot free even thou he was falsely imprisoned and she was lying and wasting police time.
Not all ex are bad but the few that are are horrid
Age of child makes it possible that he may have been conceived shortly before my brake up from his mother
The child looks the spit of me in my infant years
I have since moved addresses thus meaning neither of us have any form of contacting each other, not even via telephone.
would be appreciative if you could help me in any way possible
regards
Jnr
The feed back I am getting is that she is laughing at the system and declares they will be cut out of my life.
It took me 2 years of fighting through the courts and now legal aid has gone she is laughing that I can not afford to see my kids.
Great she had the affair and left me for another bloke yet the system favours her all the way with no avenue left for me to get to see my kids.
Mediation what a laugh and yet if I tried anything the police would descend on me like a ton of bricks.
If your ex is twisted you are truly stuffed believe me.
I am waiting for court on 1st of august for a residence order and contact order, but I want to be able to speak to my son before then is there any way I could get to speak to him on phone or anything before I go to court?
The oldest is old enough to make up his own mind now whether to visit me or not.
My 12 year old comes over on a regular basis the problem is my youngest he refuses to come over I have had no contact with him for a year my ex says she is not stopping him coming over but if he says no then she won't force him to see me.
Where do I stand in all of this I've tried saying my ex that contact between father and son is important to both parties but it falls on deaf ears.
Lawyers fees is something I could not afford even if I could get money for that is it guaranteed I would still see my 8 yr old son
not a comment but a question I have an 8 year old son and I have not seen him in 5 months every time I ask my ex if he wants to come over he says no and she leaves it at that she does not try to persuade him to visit I am not welcome in her home so can't see him there.
I have another son from the same marriage who comes over regularly which I love but it is breaking me that my youngest refuses what can I do .
any info would be helpful
(Background) My ex-wife stopped me seeing my daughter a year and a half ago (she is now 12), she was annoyed I would NOT sign mortgage papers ( I did this to force a sale as my job was not secure, to compound this I was made redundant and YES I've always paid my CSS payments and was back working 3 months later).
I paid £200 to go through the courts ! What a waste of money !
A year and a half later, I attended the last hearing (had two before) and was informed that the judge was powerless to make an order for me to see my daughter (even 1 hour so I could tell her I loved and missed her)!. I feel my daughter has been stolen from me with the help of the courts. During the 1 and a half years Cafcass came to my home assured me it would be all ok. They let me down! they never responded to my letter, no support, the case worker i found out at the last hearing had left Cafcass and when she was called to court she had no notes or handle of the case.
Anyway, did everything correctly and that was the end conclusion, waste of time and money.
"We previously worked out an amount of child maintenance for your case and sent you a letter to let you know how we worked this out. I'm writing today to let you know how and when you must make your child maintenance payments"
following a review of your case, the amounts you need to pay has changed
to £26.82 a week from 16-09-2005
to £17.88 a week from 17-09-2004
to £8.94 a week from 19-09-2003
to £88.50 a week from 14-09-2007
to £88.50 a week from 14-09-2007
to £23.46 a week from 15-09-2006
This review found that you were not paying enough child maintenance in the past. We have therefore added £2,941.20 to your child maintenance arrears. Amounts to pay for your arrears are included in the table below. If you want to know the total amount of arrears you owe please call us on the number at the top of this letter.
The table below shows the amounts you are legally required to pay over the next 12 months
Total £1.23 weekly Payments 1 from 26-08-2011
Total £73.80 weekly Payments 51 from 02-09-2011
The children relating to these payments both left school last year (2010) and from what I hear never went onto further education.
I have always complied with the csa in accesments, this is the first letter I have had since they accessed me taking into account my current family situation. I now have 3 daughters ages 4, 11 & 12
Surely they cant just throw this at me when I should have finished paying last year. (I am still paying from my wage.
I would be grateful for your advice, Regards Ricky
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