How Visitation Rights Work for Fathers

Author: Chris Nickson

As a father you want to stay in close touch with your children, even after you and your partner have separated. Obviously, the best and simplest way to do this is an agreement between you and your ex, which can be made legally binding by solicitors. This means it doesn’t have to go through the courts, and will work when relations between the pair of you are amicable.

Before taking any formal steps, it's important to understand exactly where you stand legally by using our free Rights Checker.

If you have Parental Responsibility, either by being married to the mother when the child was born, being present when the birth was registered and having your name on the birth certificate as the father, or through a Parental Responsibility Agreement or Parental Responsibility Order, you have rights and responsibilities to your children.

Obviously, part of that is support in financial terms, but also in emotional and legal terms, too. In return, you have contact with your children. Family Courts have a principle called “presumption of contact”, under which they have to do everything possible for fathers to see their children.

Contact Orders

Very often, Court-issued Contact Orders prove unnecessary, since arrangements will have been worked out privately or in mediation between the two parents. However, even where a Contact Order is issued, often the parents are allowed to work out the details for themselves. Before any Contact Order is issued, however, the court must take several things into consideration:

What the child wishes, if he or she is old enough to make any kind of decision
The educational and emotional needs of the child
Whether there’s any risk of harm to the child
Whether you’re capable of meeting the child’s needs during contact

These might seem possibly weighted against you, but the sole intent is for the welfare of the child. In the vast majority of cases – well over 90% – Contact Orders are granted. If it’s come to a hearing, one important factor will be the report by the Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) officer. Both parents, as well as other carers and teachers, will have been interviewed, and in most cases the court accepts the report as it stands (although you can challenge part of it or even ask for a new report from a different officer if you disagree).

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Residence Order

A Residence Order determines who the children should live with. If none has been issued, then the children will stay with their mother. You can apply for a Residence Order to have full custody of your children, but realistically speaking, unless there are pressing reasons they should not stay with their mother, it’s unlikely your request will be granted custody.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

Things Not To Do

When you have contact with the children, you should not attempt to take them out of the country without written permission from their mother. Even if it’s for a holiday, this needs to be discussed and permission in writing given. While you have the children, don’t say negative things about your ex-partner. It creates confusion and a bad atmosphere for the children. You have more positive things to concentrate on during your time with them, anyway.

Take at look at our article Making the Most of Your Time With Your Child for some ideas about what you can do together.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Father's Rights Checker lets you check what legal rights you have as a separated father. Takes 2 minutes. Try it now →

Showing 20 of 506 questions

Ask Separated Dads a Question

SeparatedDads Editor 20/05/2026 at 9:17 am

@Supporttoseperatedda No, that's not a valid legal restriction. Once contact is agreed or ordered, it's up to your partner how he looks after his son during his time, including using grandparents for childcare, just as she would be free to do. Mothers don't get to dictate who supervises during the father's contact unless there's a genuine safeguarding concern. Push the solicitor to apply for a Child Arrangements Order if she keeps blocking holiday contact, as informal back and forth rarely gets resolved.

Supporttoseperatedda 29/03/2024 at 6:20 pm

Hello everyone,

Looking for some advice if anyone can help! My partner is currently going through the divorce proceedings, and he has asked to have the child more in the holidays. His ex has said he cannot take his son in the holidays unless he is off work and if his parents are helping he has to return to her. Does anyone know if this is a valid reason and the courts would agree? At the moment they are back and forth with solicitors, and his solicitor is taking his sweet time to respond. Thank you in advance!

M 15/08/2022 at 12:06 pm

Hi all
Me and my ex split up about 5 year's ago when our daughter was 2 year's old it's was an amicable split and we agreed on child maintenance costs and that I would hace my daughter every weekend from Friday evening then take her home Sunday evening also school hoildays ect work permitting. And this has worked fine bit the last few month's I've just been getting lots of abusive text's saying how bad a father I am and last weekend as there were on hoilday together I made plans to do something over the weekend but she message me saying I needed to take my daughter out on the Saturday I said I'd made plans and the abuse just got worse. I met with her and my daughter on the Sunday to take them home after there hoilday I was constantly told I was a let down and a waste man ect I ended up just leaving after that and had to block her number ect so I've seen mediation but really don't think this will work and want to carry on seeing my daughter so was just after some advice as this has just happened and I don't know what to do. I will add that she is a great mum but with have become toxic and I don't want that around our daughter

Thanks

Hippo 22/08/2021 at 3:27 pm

Me and my children’s father separated on good terms in 2019. He moved back with his mother and we shared custody of the children , he had them 3 nights a week. When the pandemic hit, his mother decided they were no longer allowed to stay and he could only then see them at my house. Of course I don’t mind this he’s a good father and his children adore him. Almost a year and a half on she is still saying the same thing. My mother had to shoulder the responsibility of helping with the children, but due to poor health she can no longer do this and she is STILL saying they can’t stay. What rights do I or their father have in this instance of any? Can I take her or him to court? The children want to stay with their father but she’s making it impossible

Dave 25/07/2021 at 8:29 pm

Sorry the 14 days on my previous message I ment during the school holiday.

Dave 25/07/2021 at 8:24 pm

Hi all,my wife recently when to court to get on paper when his kids can see him as he chooses when he wants.sometimes it's twice a month sometimes once a month it varies on how he fills each week.on the court paper is states he can take both boys up to 14 days but to let my wife know 3 months in advance there's other stuff but I won't go into that just this situation,he's contacted my wife saying he's allowed maximum 14 days but can choose if he wants 7 or 10 days along as its not over the amount court states.am I right in thinking if it states 14 days then can't choose less ?.thanks for anyone's advance

Carri 03/04/2021 at 2:40 pm

We were not married . we are separated. Are they legally allowed them overnight as I don't want my child too as still young doesn't sleep through etc I only think when older

Tani 13/02/2021 at 12:58 pm

My 9 year old has said he doesn't want to sleep over at his dads when him and his partner gets a new 2 bedroom flat soon. I said I'm not gonna force him but his dad said he's staying over and that's that. He hasn't slept over with dad since December 2018 because when his dad was with his ex all they did was drink and argue. Just need some advice please

Alex jade 20/12/2020 at 12:47 am

May - hi I’m in the same situation as you now, he hasn’t admitted seeing anyone but my 7 year old is refusing to go anywhere with him as he doesn’t feel safe ( we also have a 1 year old - 10 months when he left) and he never looked after them in anyway, I am allowing him to come to our home to see them but mother in law is playing mind games on oldest, keep mentioning going to hers with his dad as she can’t play with him at his home (which I am gonna put a stop too next time I see her) any advice would be great x

Josie 21/10/2020 at 12:10 am

I have been split up with my ex for nearly 5 years. I have never stopped him from seeing his son, talking to him on the phone every night, staying at his place once a night at the weekend. He met someone quiet quickly after we finished I was ok with this all I wanted was to meet his partner for a coffee and a quick chat this is the women who would be in my sons last. I was single for 2 years my ex would have his son one day at the weekend he sometimes caused problems if family members were coming to see my son. When I met my current partner who I am getting married to 2 1/2 years ago my ex started playing silky games like complaining that he can’t see our son that weekend and little things like that. My partner has custody of his boy who is the same age as my son well we all live together now me and my partner and his boy and my son live a hectic life kids come first, football training playing football school work it’s hectic. But my son still talks to his dad every night and he can see him after he finishes work in the week day when he wants. He also stayed at his home mostly one a weekend not all the time as my ex partner has a life which I am constantly having thrown in my face. He has now decided he wants to see out son every other weekend for the whole weekend, my son is not keen on the idea sometimes maybe but not all the time he would prefer once a week. My ex had heard this from my sons mouth my ex asked him why and I said because that’s what he wants. As he hadn’t seen our son for about 4 weeks due to my ex not able to doing once a weekend as his has a social life!!!! My son stayed with his dad for 3 nights they had lots of fun. He dropped my son off today saying I’ll see you in 2 weeks I said but he doesn’t want to see you every other weekend and stay both nights you know this he said but we can have more fun together but my son said no my ex actually said well he has a life and wants to do social things at weekends and relax!! Anyway my ex stormed out blaming me for brain washing him and stopping him from seeing his son. As soon as he went my son went straight to the toilet as he will not poo at his dads so my poor son hadn’t been a poo since Friday evening when I try to explain things like this to me ex all I get is verbal abuse and accusations that I’m stopping from seeing his son??? Which is not true! My son as football matches on Saturdays and football training for 2 hours on the Sunday plus homework. I have never stopped him from see our son it’s all because he wants to go out every other weekend and trying to use emotional blackmail and and false accusations about me.

He even messaged me and told me to write in my calendar that our son will be staying at his every other weekend. I have tried to explain our son doesn’t want this and he want to stay every weekend just one night but he is just not listening to either of us and making it out to look like I’m the problem I told him that I gave my life up for my son and still will

c laurie 30/06/2020 at 2:48 am

@leo.hey if the mother off this child reads this .hey i don't want [visitation] and don't want no trouble the child is all yours [100 percent you raise her the way you won't] .i want to call a [truce] i don't want any trouble .i love my life now .truth is we should have never been[ together] in reality [you and gordon make great couple] and would make great parents together .hey sam you should hit him up he[ loves you so much in reality] blind freddy can see that .truth is i[ never wanted to be with you] i only stayed because off old ways you no do the right thing .but that means nothing these days .if i am honest you where only a bit off fun in my twenties [ no offence ]but thats the gods truth .anyway this is my last post do want you want with your daughter .

C laurie 29/06/2020 at 9:20 pm

@leo.i love my single life (living with my bro and wouldn’t change a thing I was born for this lifestyle gods truth people may judge but at the end off the day it’s my life and I will live it my way) .how ultimately the chid in question is way better off with the mother and partner in a (family environment) you know with mum and dad .and I wish them the best in life .now I only have one request (LEAVE ME ALONE) and I will do the same I give my word .because if they don’t the fire in my belly will most likely fire up again it’s the laurie curse or mental issues .(so it’s best to leave me alone and let me live my life in peace) .because it’s taking me nearly (40 years) to control the beast inside And sometimes he wants to explode. and have sum ex partner from a million years ago came annoying me will push me over (edge) and I will (100 percent will be jail) .and would have hurt them (permanently) .so if you read this (sam )take what I say (serous) .and let me grow (old peacefully).and I promise I will never bother you again .(you will never understand why messaged so much) .it made sense to me that’s all that matters but it’s over now .(have a good life with your children and partners) .

C laurie 29/06/2020 at 8:37 pm

@leo.after I read all these posts wow it’s quiet remarkable to me .i had the best set up with child’s mother years ago she didn’t want child support and she didn’t want me to have contact because I would get in her way with her little fantasy off playing happy family’s with hubby she thought she would hurt me doing that ha ha .little did she know that was exactly want I wanted .now I use to get ask a lot about going to court for visitation because my family wanted to see the child they are (weird )like that good people but .(they stopped asking now which is great) .i am calm these days the fire in my belly for( fight has gone out) .i am a (old men now) I like to relax and get fat grey or in my case bald And fat .(i am totally happy to step aside and let her mother partner play happy family’s And totally content with the idea )I am to old fighting with sum some (old hag and partner) good lord I couldn’t think off anything worse to be honest( they can have the child now go play mummy and daddy and leave me alone this is what I think anyway) .i am to old to care these days I got my own life to worry about and they should worry about there family .

Leo 29/06/2020 at 4:14 am

I am full time working dad and my ex is part time working. Informal
Parenting plan was working fine between us for while till she got married and my daughter don’t like staying with her that much. She took me to court yet cafcas asked her to
Allow me to see my daughter for our daughter wellbeing. Now my ex want to formalise a parenting plan which both we don’t agree. What court will decide in this case? I have given her 2 chooses but each time she put them down and she suggest a complicated plan for me . Please advise

Malificent 30/05/2020 at 10:41 pm

Hi,i have some questions regarding my daughter who is already 26 y/o and since then i got pregnant we never meet again with her father because of some reason behind..since then before i give birth to her i met another guy who happened to help me and he`s nice..before i give birth he wasnt able to go home because i dont know that may be before we met he has already a girl which i dont know..he Said the girl wait outside his work place and bring him home and Said that he was pikot a shotgun wedding .. he come home and go after me in a clinic were i supposed to give birth. After i give birth i stayed in my friends house because he need to go back to the Girls province to celebrate their wedding. He left us again. And during that time i decided to leave him.. But instead of Continue working he choose to go with us .. and the father of my daughter got married..Eventhough he didnt see me and we have No communication but everything that happened to him i know because of a reliable person. He has No child with his wife . his wife treat him as a slave keep on shouting at him everytime he cant understand what she mean and even around so many people she Said that she wasnt afraid to loose a husband..it come to a point that he want my number . For 27 years that we have No communication i feel Pity for his situation he told me that he is so upset that i didnt give him a child.. and because of the treatment of his wife to him i told him that yes he had a child , first he cant believed and when i told him he was so glad.. my reason of telling him the truth is to have him someone to care for him and depend him of his wife .He accepted the child he already acknowledge it as his child.The problem now is his wife Will not accept the child and she said if my daughter is there my daughter can only visit her father once a week and cannot sleep in her father house..because its the law and thats the advice of the attorney..how true is that..they dont have a child but all of his wife niece are living with them and theyre the one spending them to school.. what is the right of my daughter .. Before they got married we have already our Daughter..now because the father recognize the child she want to go to DSWD so they can Signed a paper legal separation so she want that the house Will go to her alone and the parcel of land which was the husband herited from his parents be divided.. is the wife has the right to demand of 50% to a non conjugal property of a husband..please help..Thank you in advance.

May 28/05/2020 at 11:01 pm

My Husband is in a affair for 2 months. I never denied him access to the children and that he can come see them anytime he want. I even gave him the key to the house so that he can come anytime. The only thing i asked him is that, he cannot introduce the other woman to my children yet, and when the right time comes and on my terms. My eldest has ASD he is 7 but his understanding is 4 years old and his emotional development is not really how it should be for his age. When he is sad, he doesnt express this, and he cannot explain himself if something is happening. My 2nd child is only 10months old.

Now my Husband is pursuing that he wants to take the children to his house where they live together with the other woman. And i am fighting him with this. As i cannot allow him to confuse my children most specially the eldest one. I have suggested him many times that we can do activities with the kids together like taking them out, or take them for a drive but he refuse all the time. All he wants is he wants to do activities with my children with his other woman.

My husband was never a hands on father, he couldnt manage our eldest before on his own, he always want me to be with them most of the time when we go out. I never seen him being hands on with our little one as he broke up with me 2 days i went back to work after maternity leave. I basically do everything.

Guys, do i have a stand to stop him from doing this if we go to court? I am really worried for my childrens emotional safety.

Giggs 10/05/2020 at 4:22 pm

My daughter mum does not talk to me and have to talk throw my 7old... That not right. So wht I do.
I phone her ever day
I wht a set times for her to c me..
This was before OK
But now it a joke.
She does wht she want and I fill that wrong
At mo ment we are on Lock down but she went old to c her mum today with daughter wrong again.... Chop and changed.
I need a plan with both us agree and stick to...

Dan 08/05/2020 at 5:29 pm

Hi I recently splitt with my partner she has took out a non molestation order against me were she lied about me I havent saw my daughter in 3 weeks I messaged her asking about my daughter and to check that's shes ok and that I love her the next thing I new i was arrested because she stated i was harassing her when I wasent I'm a good dad and its breaking my heart not seeing my little girl shes 2 please someone help me what can i do

Daisy 05/04/2020 at 10:27 am

Can a father still see his 4 year old son during this virus lock down if he usually lives with the mum?

ADD 20/12/2019 at 3:42 pm

I split from my ex a few motnhs ago my lil boy has just gone 1, for months she would make me jump threw hoops to see him , my msg to you all is if you have a ex who starts like that they will always be like that go mediation then court you may or may not get the result what you want but at least its set in stone and you know where you stand some things better then nothing , but something to the ex will fell like a total loss to her you will win in the long run remember your kid will grow up and know there own mind good luck all stay strong its mad how vile and evil people can be try not let it drag you down go the correct route asap
GOOD LUCK ALL

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