How Divorce Works for Fathers

Originally written by Chris Nickson, updated by the editorial team on 2nd April 2026

Divorce is what legally ends the marriage between you and your former partner resulting in a decree nisi and a decree absolute. It can be simple, or a lengthy, contentious process, depending on the parties involved, and how they agree to divide property and assets.

The CMS uses a statutory formula based on your income and number of children, but you can get an estimate of what you might pay using our free Child Maintenance Calculator.

Concerning children, divorce can be equally straightforward or problematic. You will have Parental Responsibility for the children born in wedlock with your partner. You will have to Pay Child Support, or maintenance, which can be worked out with your ex or a monthly sum mandated by the Child Maintenance Service (CMS), depending on your income.

Working Out Of Court

This is the easiest way, if you can reach an agreement in direct negotiation with your ex or through mediation. There's less acrimony and generally a much better atmosphere to the proceedings and you can take the agreement to court, and it becomes legally valid if signed by the solicitors employed by you and your ex.

Be aware, however, that mothers have flouted these agreements in the past, and some will again. If so, you'll need to obtain a court order to have them enforced, and even then those might be breached. A great deal depends on the goodwill between you and your former partner.

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In Court

Some feel it is better if you represent yourself in court, using someone called a McKenzie Friend, who is a person familiar with experience of the legal and divorce processes. Others feel your interests will be better served by employing a solicitor to argue your case for you.

In the case of an acrimonious divorce, you might find your ex making accusations against you. You'll need to be prepared for this. If you've had contact with your children before the divorce hearing, keep a parenting diary with full details of the contacts, dates, etc adding photographs if possible.

Where children are old enough to voice opinions, their wishes are taken into account by the court regarding contact and residence. Another important part of the proceedings is the Cafcass Report, where both parents, other carers, teachers and others are interviewed to reach a determination. Courts mostly follow all the recommendations of the report. However, if you're unhappy with any part of it, you can challenge that, or even request a new report by another officer.

The tradition in contact tends to be every other weekend and half the school holidays with you, with your children spending the rest of the time with their mother. However, it's quite possible to suggest other arrangements, especially if that's what your children desire. Joint residency, for example, is a relatively new concept here, but one which is widely practiced in Europe and gaining traction in America.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

Things You Should Do

Keep up your maintenance payments, making them on time and in full. This shows responsibility to your children and eliminates at least one legal hold your ex might have over you. If unemployment or other factors make payment impossible, keep full records and present them to the court.

If possible, create a co-parenting plan with your ex. This can help head off any future problems and means you really are putting your children first.

Finally, never use your kids to pass messages to your former partner. Keep them above the problems you two have.
For more information about the Cafcass family report - see here.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Father's Rights Checker lets you check what legal rights you have as a separated father. Takes 2 minutes. Try it now →

119 questions

Ask Separated Dads a Question

C.laurie 26/09/2019 at 12:23 am

@sare-z.the gods truth is I will never talk to the mother off my child again .she might think it’s game it’s no game .and I do think I’m better then her (gods truth ).

C.laurie 25/09/2019 at 11:27 pm

@sare-z.i have never been married and will never marry (gods truth) . There is a chance I might have a daughter (maybe) never got a (DNA test done) .but the gods truth is I don’t want any (contact )with the child that’s why I never went to court for visitation gods truth .the reason I contacted her mother frequently was to pick a fight gods truth .

C.laurie 25/09/2019 at 11:10 pm

@sare-z.after reading your story .i myself use to send vulgar messages to my child mother to pick a fight .(what really bothered me no one come to sort me out gods truth ).now I could afford to go to court for visitation but I think it would be a waste off money and then I would have to look after a child waste more money on buying stuff for her f that .i think she needs to be with her mother children need mothers and if her mother has found some guy or girl to take on her and her children well that’s good for them .because the gods truth is a have no interest in her daughter gods truth .

Sare-z 25/09/2019 at 2:27 pm

So was with my wife for 12 years married 3
I did not have control of any money and she raked up some serious debt.

Last year after finally getting the courage to end it (tried before that but always had my son Who’s now 10 used against me) now divorced and moved 180 miles away.

I currently am unemployed due to lack of transport (but hoping to rectify this soon)
My new partner has been giving me money to travel down and see him plus’s pay some sort of support (just under £500 pcm) which comes straight out of the support money for her daughter.

I contacted my ex to explain that I can no longer afford to sustain this arrangement.

And offered to reduce her payment in order to continue travel down every 2 weeks or continue with the usual amount and see him only once a week.

To no avail she hit the roof telling my son I don’t care about him and have let him down along with wishing me dead in front of him.

She continued to send vulgar messages for the next 48hrs and told me I can longer see my son.

I have been in touch with CSA to explain my financial predicament and they have stated I do not need to pay anything due to that.

I’m now at a loss as to what to do as I can not afford to go to court.

Immy 25/08/2019 at 1:30 am

I was married for eight years with two lovely boys but sadly divorced we bought house together. In short what I find there is no support for men’s and women can do whatever they want in majority case they keep house and kids and play with your emotions. In my experience everything all systems police, courts everything works for them. I feel I’m honest very good dad and work always hard my ex got anxiety, depression, jealous and very controlling behaviour I can see my kids life ruining I’m loosing them but very helpless.

Shaun 19/06/2019 at 4:01 pm

Can anyone help?! So I am currently going through divorce proceedings, me and my ex have separated for over 3 years and we have a son together, since this I have become involved in a relationship which I am very happy with. Me and my ex have a care arrangement in place which has been working well, however i have been abroad with work friends for a few days but still kept my care dates, so my son has spent time at home with my current partner, nice for them to get to spend time together I thought. My ex has found out I am not home and has totally kicked off, and will not allow my son back to my home with my partner because I’m not there. Is this really an issue? Am I in the wrong? My ex is very annoyed to say the least

Benkite 15/04/2019 at 11:28 am

Seams like we are all in the same boat ever man who was hard working and thought they were doing to right thing is getting hurt and screwed by there wife's now don't love them and fancy the single life but want the money how is any of this fair

Sam 19/02/2019 at 9:55 pm

You want to know (my plan ex )well here goes get your daughter off social media with my surname and you do it (legally ,officially )like you where going to do back in 2015.you do that for me and I won’t come for you otherwise I will come for you and reclaim my honour( gods truth) .now I want her to (understand) this and be (crystal clear ).the truth I am (Timmy and proud ).so now she knows where she stands with me .

Timmy 19/02/2019 at 12:40 am

@Fu2019.your post reminds me off Someone ?it’s quite( astounding to me ).i am a big fan off technology I love the( brain age ).i keep finding my ex all over the internet it’s quite remarkable to me this has been happening sence 2015 everywhere I look she is already there .so she must know that she is in the( wrong )and this is the thing that gets me .she still withholds my daughter out off spite .so I like to play games with her because she deserves it .she even copies my hand writing.i personally think she wants it real bad ?

Fu2019 18/02/2019 at 11:13 pm

Im currentky struggling,, my wife cannot see any good in me, anything i do or try to do is wrong. I own my own business and work all the hours to provide for out children(2 from her previous marrige 16 and 18) and our own girl whos not even 2 yet. I adore them all but shes been saying she wants a divorce and want to take the kids and and speak to her solicitor about the business. She doeant work, she does the accounts for the business but has started back at college so basically i work and pay for everything including all the holidays she needs every year!!! I dont know what yo do. Im afraid shes going to take all the kids away from me especially my little girl who sits ans watchs for me coming home and want half the business which will make me go bankrupt. Theres credit card bills into 20k and the morgage at over 1k per month and i cannot afgord that all plus finding sonewhere else to stay etc. Sorry if this make no sense im pretty uoset to tonight and heads all ovee the place. Where do i stand and any info?

Nononono1 06/02/2019 at 7:56 pm

Sad and depressed I am in exactly the same situation as you. 3 kids want 3 nights Don’t know where to turn.

Bob cat 08/01/2019 at 6:25 pm

@sad and depressed.you deserve 7 nights a week mate and the only one at fault is your ex so get yourself to court get bloody good solicitor .then you be happy as Larry .

Sad and depressed 08/01/2019 at 4:54 pm

Been wife my wife for 15yrs married 10yrs. Have 3 kids which I adore. My wife hasn't worked whole marriage cause I worked hard to keep them. Things started going wrong before last child born about 5yrs ago. Both sides at fault but my wife started an affair with personal trainer. Last straw for marriage. We are happy to part ways but I'm entitled to see them 3 nights a week surely? She isn't allowing this. Need some advice please.

Marky 01/01/2019 at 4:19 pm

My wife has racked up over 28k of debt mainly on credit cards and a car loan etc. Things haven't been going too well for about 3 yrs too. A couple of weeks ago we had a big argument over the phone and I said some bad things (which I regret and have apologised for since)
My wife left with our 13yrs old daughter and because of the things I said both aren't communicating with me at all. My wife says she needs time to think about things.
I've lived in my house 8 yrs before marrying and I pay all our household bills. My wife mainly pays for our daughters things and music/dance classes etc. Our daughter's bedroom is an absolute disgrace due to all the things my wife has bought and every draw and cupboard is crammed full of things that have been there for years.
I work part time and earn about 10k a yr. My wife works full time and earns 18k plus gets all the credits etc.
A couple of months ago she got a Family protection order on my house (our home)
So where does this leave me?
I think she will want a divorce.
Thanks...

Paul S 06/12/2018 at 10:39 pm

My wife wants a divorce. I agreed as there is no way to fix the situation. We have 1 child. Married for over 10y. The mortgaged house is 50/50 base equity although she paid the deposit when we bought it. She wants to keep the house, keep the children and me out ASAP. I am unemployed at the moment although I used to make a very good salary for most of our marriage and I used to pay a lot more than her for the house cost, credit cards repayments, bills, etc but she always paid her half of the mortgage. We want to go through mediation.I want to sell the house, get my share of the house, help her relocate somewhere suitable so we can both move on with our lives. But she just wants everything. What is the likely scenario to happen ? My divorced friends are telling me that as the primary carer and if we go to court ( after mediation fails), she will be likely to keep the house and I will be forced to leave and pay for child maintenance, house cost & mortgage. Is this true ?

Mich 21/09/2018 at 6:12 pm

I would love to understand if I can take my ex to court because of the alienating reasons

Jeb 18/09/2018 at 8:59 pm

I have been divorced for 10 plus Years, my ex wife lives in the family home. We have two children, our son is 21, and our daughter is 18 and has lived with me for 4 years in my flat, she is still in education. Can I not now request that the house be sold?

SeparatedDads Editor 17/09/2018 at 11:30 am

I am sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, if your ex wishes to be awkward then she can be. whichwill tell you all you need to know regarding the process required. Our dads on the Separated Dads forum may also help you further, as they can advise from personal experience.

Dragonex 15/09/2018 at 9:43 pm

My estranged wife is saying that if she doesn’t like my new girlfriend she will not let her meet my daughter. She left me 9 months ago, and we are going through a legal separation. I see my daughter often and I’m very devoted to her. However she’s being really horrible and unreasonable, especially seeing as she was initially fine with me seeing someone but found that they have a mutual friend and has accused me of lying to her. There’s nothing wrong with my new partner - she’s been very respectful.

I don’t think she has a legal leg to stand on, any ideas? Thank you for your understanding, this is such a horrible position to be in! Any advice very gratefully received!

SeparatedDads Editor 03/09/2018 at 11:35 am

There are no laws governing this - much depends upon the parents.

Tommo87 01/09/2018 at 4:12 pm

I have been married for 3 years and have a daughter, my wife is pregnant again and due in December but I don’t think our marriage will last that long as have ongoing issues with her son.

Where do I stand with rights to seeing my daughter who is 2 and then the baby when they are born?

I’m so frustrated as my wife doesn’t work and I basically pay for everything. She’s going to leave me because she says I don’t treat her son the same way as treat my daughter.

Help please

SeparatedDads Editor 10/07/2018 at 12:38 pm

Unless the children are yours, then your ex doesn't get automatic residence of the house as she would if you had children together. Much depends upon whether she can afford to buy you out or keep the house on. In this case, you may wish to seek legal advice.

Niniansman 09/07/2018 at 11:33 pm

Hi...I've been married for 4 yrs, and have a joint mortgage and three stepchildren aged between 10 & 15, I also have 3 slightly older kids which come over every 2 weeks, anyway things aren't working out, and can't see this marriage lasting, I've tried mediation etc but she refuses to co operate, would I be correct in assuming that she has the right to live in the marital home until the youngest is 18?...not sure I can handle 8 years of misery, what advice can you give me?

SeparatedDads Editor 11/06/2018 at 2:37 pm

I am sorry to hear this. As a rule, if the matter went to court, the resident parent is usually allowed to remain in the house until your child has finished full-time education. If you took the matter to court, the court will always put your child first in making any decision. Court will also cost, so if you can it is best to agree between you or via mediation so that you can come to a more formal mutual agreement.

Steven 09/06/2018 at 4:19 am

My wife dropped a bomb shell over three weeks ago and said she want her space and wants to break up we have a joint mortgage and a young son aged 14, I have done everything to persuade her to make it work for our child's sake so not to affect him in anyway,we are doing things amicabley and have come to terms and agreed to the split and plan to sell the house and split the proffet equally,but she's turning so bitter as Iam playing it her way and I don't think she expected my actions to be so cool about the situation Iam at my Witt's end with worry as Iam unsure of how this is going to go leagaly.i have not done anything wrong and she said she will try and buy me out but but only offered me a small amount of the proffet and said she will stay in the house and pay me the rest in a few years is this write? I don't no if she is planning something else how do I stand in this situation can she dictate to me and is this her Wright's because our son is 14 years old I refused her term's as I have to find somewhere else to live and safe hard my self and my son futer please help.Thank you.

Bobafett 06/05/2018 at 3:50 am

Hello ... Me and wife have come to an end after 19 years. She is under the impression that I cheated on her . I have been kicked out from home and now stay with my parents . She has hidden my house keys therefore no access. Although the mortgage is joint I pay all the monthly fees (mortgage, utility bills)
I have tried to reason with her but not getting anywhere at the moment .
She basically wants me to stay away from home, pay all expenses which I'm not keen to do so. I have offered that we put the house for sale and split the profit and we carry on with our lives . She has refused my offer and has come up with another proposition. She would allow me back home and give our relationship another chance on the basis that I file a legal document that I give up all my rights on the house , for example any further problems and we decide to get divorced I don't a penny from the sale of the house which once again I'm not keen to do so.
Now my question is do I have the right to return and stay at home until the we resolve the matter. Because she has also made threats to call police and get me arrested although no threats or violence.
Also we have 15 year old daughter who is getting badly affected from the ongoing dispute. How would custody work ? My wife is from Cyprus and If we agree to sell the house she would want to take our daughter to Cyprus , would she have the right to do so ?
Many thanks

mrJ 30/04/2018 at 10:50 pm

My wife left me over a year ago, she has asked to divorce me on 3 occasions i finally agree and she states i have to pay !

so i start the process but she wont let me have the foreign wedding certificate even though she previously had agreed.unless i pay her off when we had no money or assets

I'm a good father who has our daughter half the time and pay maintenance. she is awkward at every moment - even after she left me suddenly.

I dont know what to do, does anyone have any guidance for me, i just want to move on with my life, she now sees that and has carried on like this.

SeparatedDads Editor 29/03/2018 at 12:39 pm

Only a court can remove your PR and PR is only removed from a parent by court if there is a very good reason.

Bj 28/03/2018 at 9:30 pm

I have been separated with my wife for nearly 3 years now, and have asked for a divorce the past years, she has filed for one under the rights that I had an affair, but wants me to sign the divorce papers, I a mother refusing to as she wants to take me off the parental responsibilitys, can she do this , so I don't have no say in my children

Deedee79 17/02/2018 at 6:25 pm

Hi my ex has my daughter once a fourtinght for 5 hours, he keeps taking her to his new wifes house, i wasnt told he was getting married not that i care, but i live 30 miles away and he keeps taking her out of my home town without my concent, im only finding out once she gets home she is only 7 and has autisum. What can i do about this i hate that i dont know were she is when she is with him who i dont trust due to the past actions with my daughter , please help someone!!!!

Pressured dad 13/02/2018 at 8:04 pm

Hi,
My wife and I are splitting up. We've been married for ten years and have two daughters (9&6). We both work full time and have similar stature and pay.
My question is quite simple really. If/when we decide to live apart how can I be the parent that the children live with? Do the authorities still side with the mother or is it more equal now? I ask as I'm the parent who does most of the childcare, cooking cleaning etc. and I genuinely believe they would be better cared for with me.
Thank you

Daddy 11/02/2018 at 1:57 pm

Hi I am worried me and my wife have been apart for 1 and a half years now and we are living apart . We are in the process of getting a divorce and we agreed that when it comes to are daughter we will share custody and she would let are daughter stay at mine but now she is changing her mind every time we try to work it out but yet she wants me to have so 6 children plus her new boyfriend child to look after almost every week end . I keep a diary but I am worried that I will now not be aloud to see are daughter . What can I do to stop her playing games

Jack 10/02/2018 at 1:56 pm

Hi I am worried me and my wife have been apart for 1 and a half years now and we are living apart . We are in the process of getting a divorce and we agreed that when it comes to are daughter we will share custody and she would let are daughter stay at mine but now she is changing her mind every time we try to work it out but yet she wants me to have so 6 children plus her new boyfriend child to look after almost every week end .
I keep a diary but I am worried that I will now not be aloud to see are daughter .
What can I do to stop her playing games

SeparatedDads Editor 06/02/2018 at 11:48 am

Much depends upon how long you have been married for regarding what the division of capital/assets will be. If you have been married for under five years, then it is likely you will both financially take out of the marriage what you put into it percentage wise. The fact you have a child from another relationship will not be factored in, if the matter goes to court. Your best option is to decide amicably between you both, as if you disagree court will cost and has a habit of sucking up in legal costs any financial benefits you could hope to accrue. Hopefully, you and your wife can come to an agreed arrangement between you that will satisfy you both, allowing you both to comfortably move on.

aDAD 05/02/2018 at 7:11 pm

I need some legal help. I am currently married but close to separation/divorce. Me and my wife currently have a joint mortgage in place and no prior financial agreement. My wife put a considerably higher amount into the house than me. However, I have a 6 year old child from another relationship whom stays at mine every other weekend, on the basis she is in a comfortable safe environment with her own room which she has.
Should I get separated/divorced I will not have the fiance to afford a two bedroom property close to my child to maintain access over night.I'm actually sure how I would house myself. My wife earns more than me and we have no children. What rights do I have to the property / potential capital ? What options ? As getting divorced and losing access to my daughter will be a huge blow. HELP.

Adviceforpartner 11/01/2018 at 9:27 pm

My partner and his wife split 2 years ago. He continued to pay everything (mortgage, all house bills, her car, her phone bill, internet everything) for almost 2 years. He’s been trying to get her to come to a financial settlement but she keeps avoiding the conversations. They are now divorced but still no financial settlement. My partner now pays the mortgage in full (which is almost £300 more than his child maintenance costs would be) in lieu of child maintenance at her request as she has chosen to become self employed and doesn’t qualify to take over the mortgage. Her car is also in my partners name and she is still avoiding getting rid of it or buying it off him to get him out of the lease agreement. They both have a lot of debt and my partners Dad lent them £20k as a deposit on the house which he now wants back. My partner has suggested selling the house, paying the debt off, paying his dad back and then giving her 60% and him taking 40%. She is refusing to do this. She wants to stay in the house forever and have him continue to pay the mortgage in full. They have 3 kids who live with her. Where does my partner stand? It doesn’t seem fair that he has to stay tied into a mortgage for a house that he doesn’t live in until the youngest leaves school (another 9 years) or have this car in his name. He’s paying more than he should. He’s a great dad and a wonderful person who is being taken advantage of. What are his rights? Can he force a sale of the car or house? He suggested selling the house in 13 months time which gives her plenty of time to sort work and living arrangements out. He’s trying to compromise but she won’t budge. It doesn’t seem right than she can be ‘self employed’ with no stable income when she wasn’t ever before and demand he keep paying the mortgage? He can’t afford solicitors and court, any advice?

SeparatedDads Editor 12/12/2017 at 11:39 am

This is a difficult question to answer regarding your sister as you don't say whether any financial agreement was made with regards to making sure your sister is provided for. If your sister thinks her ex husband has sidelined money or part of the family estate which is rightfully hers, then she would have to seek legal advice about taking the matter to court. Most long marriages work on a 50/50 share basis of financial assets and savings. Her ex is entitled to move who he wishes into the house post-divorce, if he is living there (you don't say). If your sister is living in the house, she can refuse to move as she is as equally entitled to live there. Much depends upon who is living in the house and who your sister's son is living with. Priority will usually be given to the primary carer of the child to remain in the family home (with the child if they are already living there) until the child finishes full-time education.

rosered 11/12/2017 at 9:59 am

My sister and her ex-husband are both very religious. They are divorced 2 years, 1 child in early teens. The divorce was paper only no court and ex-husband will not tell me if there are any settlements. My sister and my ex-brother-in-law have had a rocky marriage and she shows signs of domestic abuse - no confidence, not worked for 8 years, no money of her own. My sister cut herself off from us her family 2014-2017 and ex-husband invited us back into their lives. The ex-husband is now re-marrying and wants to move new wife into family home, under religious banner as all belong to the same religious persuasion. I am very unhappy at this turn of events. My sister will be humiliated and degraded if new wife moves in. Can her ex-husband do this?

Grandpa 23/11/2017 at 12:16 pm

My son's marriage has come to an end with him walking out after a year of frustration. Both parties have said they no longer have feelings for each other. You
They have a joint mortgage which my son has always paid for and continues to do so. His wife has an expensive car in her name but again he pays for. He pays his daughters nursery fees and also contributes £400 per month towards her upkeep.his wife denies him and us as grandparents access to his daughter apart from the occasional visit when she has to be present. What are his and our rights with regard to his daughter and does he have to keep paying in full for the mortgage, her car nursery fees as well as maintenance?

BeNjd Editor 13/11/2017 at 11:33 am

@ The flash - you can leave whenever you want to. If you have kids then you would have to pay child maintenance to your wife once you leave.

The flash 12/11/2017 at 5:40 pm

Me and my wife are no longer happy together. But we have dept and I am the only one that works full time. Have we got to wait till the divorce is finally settled before i can leave and start a new

Mez 28/08/2017 at 11:02 am

Hi,

I've recently split with my wife and I'm after some advice on how best to move forward with the divorce. I have two children, aged 5 and 18 months. I'm trying to keep the split as amicable as possible although my ex is pushing for mediation/court proceedings.
Thanks in advance for your help.

Barry 13/08/2017 at 9:16 am

I have removed myself from the family home due to separation. We have a joint mortgage and I am paying half that and also paying child maintenance. I have agreed to pay half mortgage for 12 months to let her sort herself out and then we are going to talk about the house/mortgage then. She has just called and said; she has looked into the mortgage and I'm legally required to pay half until my children have left full time education? Is this true and is there away to remove myself from the mortgage if she isn't willing to sell or buy me out?

NickU Editor 26/06/2017 at 4:25 pm

@LP - You can refuse to sell and then your ex would have to take the matter to court and the court would decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your children. It would be more straightforward if you were the primary carer, then the court wouldn't force you to sell and would let you stay in the house until your youngest was 18. It might be a different story if you have shared care.

SeparatedDads Editor 04/05/2017 at 11:36 am

If you cannot agree between you on how you should split the house, then you would have to seek legal advice. There are many factors to consider such as whether the house was in both your names, how long your marriage lasted, whether you have continued to pay the mortgage etc.

vjay 03/05/2017 at 1:57 pm

Hi
I have been divorced from my x wife now for 2 years she is living in our house with her fiancé now for 4 years she also has joint guardianship with my little brother who now lives with me after she decided she did not want him there anymore
However my youngest son is soon to turn 18 and I want her to either buy me out or sell the home
She shafted me in the divorce she was an adulterer however I did not site this as I did not want to upset my sons I ended up paying her legal fees I lost everything
How do I stand getting my share of the house ??

Calhel 05/03/2017 at 9:00 pm

Separated nearly 2 years ago, we agreed 50/50 split of our son however I have him around 80% min as she constantly says she's busy etc. Throughout this time I have continued to support financially despite her earning more than me and the fact that I have our son more. As well as I get the child benefit in my name. I always have full responsibility for his Drs appointments etc as well as I take him on holidays etc but she does not.
I need to know if all of this classes me as main career (for info we are still married and I was married when son was born)
Thanks

SeparatedDads Editor 01/03/2017 at 2:57 pm

Much depends upon how long you had been married and other circumstances. However, it is likely if the matter went to court, then you would be allowed to stay in the house until your children are 18. Your former contributions and your current ones would be taken into account. The fact she was not willing to work and didn't contribute financially when you were together would not count, as she was fundamentally contributing to the marriage as the primary carer. Legal advice in order to explore your options would might be helpful here.

Stu 01/03/2017 at 10:47 am

Hi. My wife had an afair and move out almost 2 years ago leaving me with 2 kids of primary school age. She now lives with the person she was seeing. She wasn't willing to work and had never paid a penny towards the household. She also continued to take the child tax credits and benefits for around 1 year without handing any of it over for the kids. I am now seeking divorce and she is now seeking equity from the property. I was left to pay £10k to a trust deed with no help from her and I also put £12k of my own money into buying the house. Where do I stand with this given there has never been any contribution from her and she has left me with the kids? Is she entitled to anything?

Shaggy 02/01/2017 at 8:49 am

Hi I am coming out of a long term relationship. We have been together 18years. 2 years ago my wife fell for a man. Nothing happened and we continued to work at our marriage so I thought. She contacted this man 6 months ago to see if anything was there. It wasn't for him. I thought everything was good we talked about another baby. But the beginning of December she road me it was over for good. I've since found out she is on dating sites before we split. She has already had a one night stand. She seems to like rubbing my nose in it. All she says is I should of treated her better. Saying I was abusive towards her and controlling. If anything she was more on both. She has gone to women's aid care workers and all her friends this. They are not hearing my side. Since xmas she has threatened me with not seeing my boys. She said I have to go to the house and look after them there while she goes out. If I don't agree I can't see them. I feel as I'm just a baby sitter so she can stay out. It's messing with my feelings. Before I left the house for a bedsit. She would just sit on the sofa talking on datesite sites in front of me. Shw even planned to meetva married man 3 days after we spit. I had to leave it felt like she was mocking me. All she said was it her business we are over. I was there for Christmas then she told me she may be pregnant by me. Then said she had a 1 night stand 2 nights before. She left me Christmas day to look after the boys screaming at the oldest it all your dad's fault. She has since done that again. I have to do as she wants or I'm not having the boys. She has hit me in the past and had me by my throat. But she don't tell people that it's all what I've done. I still love her and always thought we would be together but who she has changed into I don't know. She says if we go through the courts I will have to look after the boys at her house as I have a bedsit. And probably more but I work full time. I'm not saying I don't want to see them but in her house when she goes out I think is degrading to me. I need some advice and hope you can help please.Kind regards

shereph 27/12/2016 at 3:32 pm

hi. i have a query. i am married since last 9 years, i am a housewife with 3 daughters age 6, 3.5 and 1.5. my husband earns good money but my husband do domestic violence on me, as psychological, financial and emotional. he is controlling, coercive, threatening and abusing me. he even hates to see me or talk to me. if i want to get separated, can i have my daughters custody even if i am currently unemployed?

Mossey 23/12/2016 at 2:36 am

I'm divorced and I have my children once a week my ex wife now wants me to have more time off work during the holidays to have them and says if I don't she will go to the solicitor to make me !! Can this be done ? I'm regular and up to date with agreed support.....

Mally 09/11/2016 at 7:04 pm

As a father of a 17 year old who lives with me and a father of a 8 year old who lives with my ex partner who now wants a quick divorce after commiting adultry for the second time in 18 years we have lived apart for 5 years but still been in a relationship spending one day a week and all weekends together and going on holidays together in this time now my 8 year old wants to live with me my ex wife is unstable drinking with her new partner most of the time but now she is divorcing me on the grounds of living apart for 5 years when thats not true we were still a couple up until recently I dont know what to do ?

Spaceman 18/10/2016 at 11:54 pm

My friend is dating my husbands best man, who has been separated for over 3 years, as a woman I wanted to find out a few things for them both should his "wife" take him to the cleaners so to speak...basically, his wife has gone back on her word is not agreeing to a divorce (we think it's because she's after his business which she wants half of and she has found out that they have a few big deals in the next two years) therefore she wants to drag this out for the full 5 years. Like with anyone else, it's painful to see them not be able to carry on with their lives, they've both confided in us for different things, they both want to start a family together and don't want their child to be labelled as one born out of welock / with a married man etc (due to a technicality). However we don't think they should put their lives on hold.
In this circumstance, what are her and the child's rights in terms of entitlement? Will that have any effect on her patners divorce? We think not, but we want to check that her child isn't going to completely be left out.
Is he able to be recognised as the father as the law will class their children as illegitimate? Any advice? We are struggling to help them.

ah1961 08/10/2016 at 10:18 am

Hi,I have a question, I am in process of getting Divorced,at present my wife and 3 children live in the same address,I am paying all the bills even though she earns as much as I do ! She refuses to contribute at all, we should get the decree nisi soon does she then have tp pay some of the bills or am I stuffed until the house is sold?ThanksAndy

SeparatedDads Editor 27/09/2016 at 1:57 pm

You would need to seek legal advice regarding this matter. Yes, a court may let your ex stay in the house with the children until they finish their education, but this does not mean you have to sign the house over. You still may be entitled to half the estate once your kids reach this age. Much also depends upon the other assets you have.

SadDad999 27/09/2016 at 9:57 am

Hi
I am divorcing my wife due to her committing adultery. I understand that this has no bearing on settlement, but what are my rights in extracting equity from the house - we have over 400k of equity.
She is refusing to sell and says the law is on her side as she has the kids and I will get zilch from the house, which seems completely unfair.

Willy 26/09/2016 at 8:06 pm

I'm getting divorced. My partner is saying that I am not allowed in the house at any time. Is this true? Plus can I stop paying half the mortgage at any time? The house is currently up for sale

SeparatedDads Editor 08/09/2016 at 2:22 pm

Much depends on how long the marriage was on what his ex may be entitled to claim. However, if the children currently live with him in the house and he is the primary carer, it is likely (should the matter go to court) he will be allowed to remain at least the youngest has completed his/her education. He would need to seek legal advice.

Stussy 07/09/2016 at 10:46 pm

Hello,
I friend of mine is recently divorced, all 3 of his children live with him, the youngest is in the eyes of the law the only depedant, he owns his own home is self employed, his ex is engaged and living with this man, she doesn't have regular contact with the kids or pay anything for children or the home, but wants 50% of house!! Surly this can't be right that she's entitled to that?? Many thanks

SeparatedDads Editor 31/08/2016 at 12:23 pm

In the first instance, I would make sure you do not leave your house on the request of your ex, as once you do you will lose all rights. Parental responsibility for children is equal in the eyes of the law, and while the majority of mothers are assessed as primary carers/resident parents of their children, many fathers are too. This means you have exactly the same rights as a mother to continue to take care of your children in your marital home. If you refuse to move out from your home, then your ex will have the opportunity to take the matter to court. However, as you are the primary carer, it is unlikely a court would rule to upset that equalibrium (as it will always opt for what is in the best interests of your children) Therefore, it 'may' continue to allow you to stay in the house until your children are of school leaving age. To answer your latter question, no your ex will not automatically get everything or be granted what she is asking. As your children are older, they will also be granted a say regarding where they live, should the matter go to court. Therefore, in order to explore your options further I would seek legal advice. A simple letter of refusal from a solicitor that highlights your PR rights may do the trick. Once your children have left education, then you may/can decide between you what to do with the house.

Corporate Dad 30/08/2016 at 4:53 pm

Hi, I'm a Dad of an 18 and 16 year old. My wife earns significantly less than me. she moved out of the family home 5 years ago and while we have co-parented, I have managed the majority of the care as they live with me and they visit her. Now that we are divorcing she wants me to move out of the house so that she can move in and have me pay her maintenance. While I have a good income, I can't afford to maintain 2 houses so we can both have one. The kids are used to living with me and prefer that arrangement. Will she automatically get everything as their Mum?

Stocky 27/08/2016 at 2:24 pm

Hi
My sister was divorced a few years ago now. She has 3 children aged 16 and under.
Her ex husband constantly refused to pay maintenance for his children saying that he couldn't work due to ill health (self employed builder - we know that he continued to work which will give you an idea of the type of individual we talking about here)

The situation went to court a few years back and the court ruled that if he didn't pay maintenance his share of the equity held the family home would reduce accordingly for each unpaid month.

He has continued to pay nothing.

My sister has now decided that she would like to move house to a 4 bedroom property (currently on a 3 bed property) to give her kids a bedroom each instead of two of them sharing.

In order to sell the house she needs to get her ex (and father to all of the children) to sign the relevant papers. He is refusing to do so and I quote "I'm not feathering your nest"

My wuestion is..Does he have the right to dictate in which property his equity lays if moving house is in the best interests of the welfare of the children?

Jas 24/08/2016 at 2:18 pm

My wife is talking about devoice - I have a two year old son - I but all the money I had in to are home from a previous house I bought with my parents - is there any chance I could get this back we only been married for 3 years in November, I would be happy to keep the house and sale it when my son is older- hower I don't under stand how this works. Eg what if she move house or what if she re-marries will the money be release then. I also read that are assets may not be splits 50/50 if she keeps the house until my son has left I don't understand why they wouldent be. The others aspect is would I pay the mirage still or would she have to? Out of the child support?

SeparatedDads Editor 23/08/2016 at 2:44 pm

Your first option would be to discuss this with your ex to see if she agrees. If your ex doesn't agree, your next stop would be to suggest mediation in order to try and resolve the matter. If your ex refuses to attend, your next option would be to apply through court. However, the court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child and if your ex can put up a fight that it may disrupt his school week, then she may succeed. I can only suggest you seek legal advice to explore your options.

Shana 23/08/2016 at 10:28 am

I m a srlankan I want to get Devorse from my British husbund... My baby is one month old can I take her back home with me,, how dose it work

DaddyCool 23/08/2016 at 2:13 am

HI, My Wife and I are separated, she wants a divorce. SHe moved back to her mums house and I am still insisting on reparation. We have a 4 year old and I have moved from London to Birmingham just to be closer to him. Currently see and have him stay at mine every other weekend as part of a temporary arrangement we made when we separated a year ago. Now he is about to start big school I would like him to stay over more like 1 or 2 days a week. He has his own room in my house rather than the over crowded house at her mums. He loves with me and always cries when it's time to go back to his mums. I intend on asking for this but what legal right do I have to this reasonable request, if she refuses can I go legal and how? Thanks

Dad 31/07/2016 at 4:20 am

Hi
I have been seperated 6 month. Our house is on the market and when it sell both myself and my ex are going to buy houses.
I work mon-fri
My ex works 3 days on /off shifts.

I want to do weekend on/off with kids plus a midweek night. Is that possible due to her working pattern ?
Kids are 4 and 7.

inaquandry 14/07/2016 at 11:25 am

Hi, My wife wants a divorce,we have 3 children aged 7,9 and 11yrs. I am retired (since 2011) and therefore financially secure I work 2 days a week just for extra money but this is not a necessity.I currently look after the children from early morning to early evening wed-Sat afternoon when we both look after them.My wife works 3 1/2 to 5 1/2 days a week.She states that obviously she would have the children when we split and wants the maritial home! I have in reality been their primary carer since 2011 and want to stay in this role.She has to work so would either work 5 hrs a day or have to employ child care which puts my children in the hands of a stranger for no good reason as I could be with them 24/7 how do I realistically stand getting custody of them?
Thanks in anticipation for any comments/advice/similiar circumstances that have been resolved

SeparatedDads Editor 18/05/2016 at 12:52 pm

It's a situation many ex couples find themselves in. You don't say whether you have children or not but I assume given the site you have commented on, you have. Having children would make a difference and a court of law may allow your ex to remain in the house with your children until they leave full-time education, if your ex is the primary carer. However, if there are no children involved, or they have left home, or full-time education, then I suggest you seek legal advice as you may be able to force the sale.

H 17/05/2016 at 7:58 pm

My wife and are are separating, where do I stand with the house, she cannot afford to keep it on but refuses to move out I cannot afford a second home. Stalemate

SeparatedDads Editor 17/05/2016 at 2:55 pm

In a perfect world you would agree this between you and your ex mutually. However, this is not always the case. Your ex has no rights to try and restrict you , it is up to you where you decide to take your children to visit. There are no rules regarding what you can and can't do. If you can't negotiate rules between yourselves, regarding access or talking to the children in a particular way then mediation may help resolve such issues, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.

Miki 17/05/2016 at 6:27 am

I would like to know what rights a father has and what rights a mother has when getting divorved and there is a young child invloved... is he allowed to refuse me to go visit out of town to my parents.. what can i also do when he keeps telling the young child things he shouldnt... etc....

SeparatedDads Editor 09/05/2016 at 2:21 pm

Twenty miles is not an unreasonable distance if your ex still has the same contact to your children. However, if you have moved your children's school etc, and your ex has PR, then you should have asked for consent before the move - this may be why there is some animosity. If you cannot resolve your differences over this, try suggesting Mediation with your ex as a way of making sure you both still can share the parenting of your child.

Confused 1986 09/05/2016 at 7:02 am

Hi. Due to living costs we have moved 20, instead of 5, miles away from my partner's daughter's home with her mother. The mother is kicking off about this. It's not an unreasonable distance is it?

Woldul 03/05/2016 at 7:48 pm

In process of divorce – all very amicable and thought we had it all sorted, agreement was she keeps the house and I keep my pension. Overlooked the fact that not all that easy to get my name taken off mortgage and I don’t much like the idea of signing the house over to her and staying on mortgage for next 20 years. She is looking into whether the mortgage company will let her go alone on the mortgage which would be win-win for us both but I’m not very hopeful they will agree – just wondering what my options are? One non-option is to sell up and split the profits, she loves that house and it’s the family home for my 2 kids aged 15 & 16 (who stay with me 3 nights of the week). At the moment I’m not seeing a way for a clean break!

SeparatedDads Editor 08/04/2016 at 12:17 pm

I can't speak for the assets as this can either be agreed between you, agreed through mediation, or decided upon in court. If you have 50/50 share of residency child support is normally waived, as you both have an equal share to the care of your children. However, if you become the primary carer then your ex may be the one to pay child maintenance. There is also the house to be taken into consideration if you own; whether you are going to split it, or allow one parent to reside in it with the children until they come of age. Therefore, it may be advisable to seek legal advice here.

wandering 07/04/2016 at 3:32 pm

We are getting divorced at the moment. I'm 50, shes 42. I retire from service in 2 years with a lump sum and basic monthly pension, no confirmed job from that point. She currently earns 10k a year more than me and this will only increase, she has 15-20 years left and her earning will only go up on pay scales. We have 3 children 13 to 7 years old. My question is .... how likely am I, based on earnings and a 50/50 child custody arrangement, to get a 50/50 split of assets? Is her higher earning power meaning she would have to give me more assets, and could I even have a chance of spousal maintenance from her?

SeparatedDads Editor 25/02/2016 at 2:19 pm

I am sorry to hear this. Please see link: The Different Types of Court Orders, here and here, which should help you. If you read as many of the Separated Dads articles as you can this should help outline your best options. The Separated Dads Facebook page may also give more information, particularly the answers to the questions posted. The court is likely to suggest Mediation first, so perhaps this is something you can offer your ex, then if she refuses you would have the option to take it to court.

H 24/02/2016 at 2:36 pm

My ex wife was agreeing for me to see my 2 children. The agreement was 5 days with her and 5 days with me. I have been paying full amount of child support to her even though I have them as much as I do. Soon as I get in touch with the CSA she has now stated I can only see them at weekends. Problem with that is I work shifts and would only see them every 2 weeks or less some months. How is this fair I want my children with me as much as possible but I know that they need to see their mum and that's why the 5 on 5 off shared contact was good. Could I get a court order to get this in writing and how much would it cost. I don't know where to start. Please help.

SeparatedDads Editor 01/02/2016 at 2:21 pm

I can only suggest seeking legal advice here. You don't say how old your daughter is - but if she is over the age of 11, then her opinion will be taken into consideration whether she wishes to see you or not. Your ex does have the right to stop you seeing your children. However, you also have the option to take this to court and let the court decide what it thinks is in the best interest of your girls.

Mook 01/02/2016 at 9:01 am

Hi
Final stages of divioice jkst house to sign over and finances all agreed
My ex made serious allegations concerning my eldest daughter that I got her with a belt and kicked her.this went as far as being interviews by the police and dos not see my kids whilst investigations were happening . She then said she did not want to pursue her allegations as Blake dos not want to upset the girls. The girls now have a social worker youth worker who will not speak to me and my ex stopping me seeing my kids eventhough they txt me periodically .
Does she have any legal right to stop me seeing my children as she says if I turn up to our house that she lives in that I pay for she will call the police

I'm just lost

Fedup 18/01/2016 at 12:07 pm

My partner who had been seperated for 6 years before i met him. We are now living in a small 1 bed flat which he was lucky enough to get via housing associations when homeless from separation. The ex wife lives in marital home with two of children we have 1 child with us. He pays the joint mortgage fully plus maintenance. We have the 2 children 2 nights wk. We have tried to get 2 bed house so the daughter with us can have a bedroom and space to study for a levels. We cant get social housing because of shortage nor rent private because over half his income goes on the otherhouse and maintenance. Is there any way we can use equity from ex marital home towards financinga home for us and his daughter.

SeparatedDads Editor 08/12/2015 at 2:15 pm

She can apply for a Specific Issue Order through the courts. Specific Issue Orders, much like the name suggests, are orders sought from the family court to determine a particular matter in connection with the exercise of Parental Responsibility. These orders can cover a wide range of issues that you and your ex-partner cannot agree on, This is also something you could apply for should you wish. If the court granted it, it would supercede your ex's decision and the schools, should it get involved at the request of your ex. However, if for any reason it went in your ex's favour, then you would not be allowed to attend. I hope this helps answer your question.

tim 07/12/2015 at 7:55 pm

Hi All, my ex is attempting to prevent me from attending the schools sports day next year, is there anything legally that she can use to prevent my attendance. please note there was no violence in the relationship, she is just trying to be awkward?

SeparatedDads Editor 18/11/2015 at 10:43 am

If you are struggling financially, and if you are on good terms, it would be advisable to sit down and talk the situation through with her in order to try and come to some sort of financial family-based agreement (as it seems that is what you have in place already). The fact she has a partner and what he earns and what they earn together has no recourse legally, as I assume you have shared-care of your children. This agreement and support is fundamentally between you, your ex and your children. However, you may appeal to her better nature and if you can't find a resolution between you and you see this as an ongoing issue, then perhaps you could try mediation in order to try and sort this out. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.

JackL 17/11/2015 at 3:17 pm

I have been divorced since July 2015. My ex has a partner with who she lives (cohabit) since the divorce became final. They both work full time and their earnings are higher than mine. I work full time too. We have two daughters ages 11 and 8 who are quite active in and outside the school. One is a member of amateur swimming club. The other is also engaged in out of school activities such as swimming, dancing, etc.

For my older daughter I pay monthly and yearly fee for her swimming trainings. I also pay for her swimming competitions and training aids. My ex pays for my younger daughter's activities. I also pay monthly for my older daughter's mobile phone bill. All in all monthly pay ratio is - I pay an average of £65 per month whilst my ex pays around £40 per month for all activities.

I claim £40 per week for Child Tax Credit for their afterschool care whilst I am at work as my salary is below treshhold, and my ex claims Child Benefit of £34.40 per week.

I am really struggling to pay all of the bills. I am paying off the mortgage, kids' aftershool care, usual monthly bills, etc. I am single dad and I have the girls on 7 days off, 7 days on basis. My ex and her partner jointly earn close to £80k p/a. My earnings are much less.

Do I have right to any financial claims from my ex? I don't know what my rights are hence this question. Or, should I ask her to start paying for my daughter's activities?

Her partner is also divorced and has two sons but only on 2 day basis, if that has any significance.

concerned mom 10/10/2015 at 10:28 pm

My son has been divorced for 9 years. They have joint custody on their 3 kids. 6 years ago ex-wife demand child custody but my son would not agree since she was not working and do not have any income at all. She won, instead, the child support and had been garnishing my son's salary, even though my son continued to take care of the kids every other week, as agreed upon since divorce. 3 yrs ago, my son bought a property as his sole ownership. He is ready to sell it but he does not want the ex wife to have part of his proceeds since he bought the property himself and they were divorced already for 5 years when he bought this property. Can the ex wife get any of the proceeds on the sale of his house.

Masha 18/09/2015 at 9:30 am

I have been married with my husband for 5 years and we have two young children 5 and 2. I have been out of job for 2,5 years. The relationship seem to be dead for some years now and I would like to end marriage. How complicated it will be considering i don't have a job but happy to start one and happy to do what it takes to support my children on my own. Is it possible I will not be granted divorce because my husband won't be be agreeing to it and because right now I don't generate any income? Sorry I don't know much about it.

SeparatedDads Editor 14/09/2015 at 12:42 pm

I'm afraid given the complexity of the situation your son would have to seek legal advice reagrding this question from the solicitor who was overseeing the case.

lindy 13/09/2015 at 2:10 pm

My son seperated from his wife in 2013 after he found out she had been having an affair. He applied for a divorce and everything was going ahead amicablly and she agreed to joint custody and signed the divorce papers to say this, he has to work a lot of weekends and get rotered days off through the week so joint custody worked for them both with me looking after the boys when both parents worked.
In May 2015 they decided they would try again to make the marriage work, so my son spoke to his solicitor and put divorce proceedings on hold for six months. in August 2015 my daughter in law decided she no longer wanted to try to save the marriage saying it wasnt working. Now she is saying she doesnt wanthim to have joint custody. Can she does this after signing the papers?????

Ando 29/07/2015 at 6:02 pm

Hi. Separated from wife of 9 years at her request, completely out of the blue, really struggled to get any sort of fair and decent contact agreement sorted out for our 2 young children aged 6 & 4. Been through mediation if you could call it that, had to conduct it all via email because she refused to do it any other way, and I can only get contact 10 days a month, I'm in a position to share care of our children but feel like I'm being restricted due to child maintenance amounts she would get. I've paid full CM since we separated nearly a year ago and some months have the children stay with me anything from 6 to 11 nights, she's not interested in making any adjustments to take into account the number of nights I have them and still find myself having to pay her to have them 7 nights a week, every week, plus feed and clothe them myself, she's got the house, the kids, everything we ever owned, child benefit, tax credits, my full maintenance, everything! I've done so much investigation and it seems to me there's no help out there for fathers that are forced out of a relationship, forced out of their home, forced into minimum contact with their children and forced to suffer financially!! What are good devoted fathers supposed to do when dealing with such discrimination? No help anywhere, right????? Other than going to court and who knows what kind of result may happen? So unfair that court is basically the only option fathers have. Any advice please?

Si 30/06/2015 at 7:39 am

After splitting with my 1st wife of 14 years I used my 30% settlement to buy a new place with my new partner. After a while we married and had 1 child.
when my parents died I paid of our mortgage in full with my inheritance.
I am 50 year old this year, and earn a medium income, paying all into our home.
she now wants a divorce, and will not try relate or anything I offer, as far as I know no other parties are involved.
can I enforce the sale of our property, so that I can live comfortably in my later years or do I have to wait until my 6 year old is 18, making me 62?

Carmen 19/06/2015 at 5:37 pm

Hi my partner of 7 years has lived with me for five in a property owned by his family. His wife who he hasn't legally separated from came over in an arranged marriage they have 3 children and she lives in his mortgaged house. She has never worked and we live in a tiny flat. Obviously I'm fed up of it all now as he gives all his wage to her and I am struggling to pay for 2. His reasons have been mainly not to upset his family and children but she also has a child to someone else which is a big secret. He thinks he has to pay all his wage as he has children and the house is in his name. Is there any way we can settle this in a fair way as I can't cope anymore watching her live for free in a 5 bed house while I work 3 jobs and live so poorly. He hasn't changed his bills either to my address as he has been trying to keep the peace as when she realised he can no longer live in this fake marriage she has threatened us both and to take his children from him. I believe is being emotionally blackmailed and he is ready to take this to the next level. I.e.divorce so we can move forward with our lives. He wants to look after his children financially plus has pressure to marry them off and pay for the weddings . We have no money . Plus he doesn't want to sell his house he wants his children to live there settled till they are older which I am on board with. He feels pressured to pay everything out of guilt as there are two big families involved in this alliance which he never wanted in the first place . I worry I am going to be poor forever while she free loads.

SeparatedDads Editor 04/06/2015 at 2:08 pm

@Mike - mediation is a voluntary agreement and therefore there are no rules about what you should and shouldn't be doing with regards to finance. The mediator has no pre-conceptions and will not force you to make an agreement. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. You can only pay what you can. However, at the same time, I imagine you do not wish for your house to go into arrears with the mortgage, so therefore you may need to ascertain whether helping towards it might be a possibility or not. You do not say what you are going to mediation for and whether, if you can't agree, the matter will be left to the court to decide. The mediator will have compiled a report that would be issued to the court which would help the court make an informed decision. I hope this helps.

Mike 02/06/2015 at 4:49 pm

HI, I have been separated from my wife for almost 11 months and she has now booked a mediation session. I currently pay the mortgage on the house that she lives in with our two children, whilst renting a property as well for myself. I have assumed by paying the mortgage this goes towards my Child maintenance support costs. Although the mortgage is higher than what the Child Maintenance says i should pay.

I have been informed that the Mediation will suggest I continue to pay the mortgage as well as paying the Child maintenance charge, do you know if this is true ?

My wife has said she is not after more money from me however I would like to understand if this could be the outcome.

Thanks

Mike

SeparatedDads Editor 01/06/2015 at 3:01 pm

@joes dad - if you wanted an official agreement, I'm afraid you would have to take it through the courts by applying for a contact order.

joes dad 28/05/2015 at 7:47 pm

my ex and I have been divorced for a few years now . We have two children 9 and 8 and I regularly pay maintenance to her . I have moved about 50iles away and see the children every other weekend and during the summer holidays .We had them whilst married so as I understand I have parental rights. last week I was told my daughter was going to a girlfriends birthday party. And not coming to be with us , now I'm being told that my son is not coming either and he's going to a sleep over with a school friend . We have no formal agreement through the the court , I always do all the collecting and dropping off and have felt unfairly treated anywayWith this . I thought I jade the right ( parental right)!to see my kids every other weekend but she is letting them decide . It seems cruel and unfair to all concerned . What can I do please !

Che 20/05/2015 at 6:50 pm

Hi, I am hoping can give me some advice.
I have been separated from my wife for over 5 years. We are starting to go through divorce proceedings ang despite having a child her solicitor has advised that all that is required is a basic divorce of which I am prepared to pay half in order to save money.
Once this flows through where is my legal standing regarding parental rights for my child as this is not outlined in the divorce.
My concern arise from finding out my ex is looking to move out the country and when confronted about what would happen with our child she advised she would take her with her.
Please can someone advise of my legal standpoint on this.
Thanks
Che

SeparatedDads Editor 18/05/2015 at 12:30 pm

@Nishu - I'm afraid we can only deal with UK family law and have no knowledge of what your rights would be under Indian law. Therefore, I cannot advise. However, I hope you manage to see your son soon.

Nishu 14/05/2015 at 7:27 pm

Sir, I m from Chennai. I have a son he is 3 years old. Due to some misunderstanding my wife went her father's home with my son. It's already 2 months over. She is not allowing me to meet my son. Pl help me out how can I meet him daily or can I take him home. But w still she or I not filled any case in court. But I want to my son with me. Pl guide me whatc can do

PB 04/05/2015 at 9:01 pm

Hello, i have separated from my wife 9 months ago due to unreasonable behaviour, we have 2 children together. My ex partner and I would like to divorce however she wants to put it down as adultery...(we are both in new relationships since we split up) will this affect my rights to the children if i ever have to take her to the court? She has threatened to take them away many times. She would also like to get a deep pole, will that affect me and my kids in any way? I see my kids 7 days our of 14 for 5 hours a day and have them over for 2 nights every second weekend so we are very close, her constant threats and abuse are making it very hard to pick the kids up and drop them off and i will eventually have to probably go to court and i do not want my decisions to affect my parental responsibilities in the future.

Isaac Editor 02/04/2015 at 12:27 pm

@Mick - I think I would just keep well away from her and speak to her only when necessary and keep it formal. The more you interact, the more she can try to bully you on matters such as these.

Mick 31/03/2015 at 5:13 pm

I need advice. Been divorced for 7 years and I am still subject to constant bullying.
For example this saturday the elder daughter was with me. On the way home we discussed the latest set of accusations from my ex and exchange was getting more and more heated. My viewpoint was completely ignored. In the end the daughter (13yrs) started shouting at the doorsteps. I told her in level voice, that she is not tolerated to shout in my house. She send her mother an sms. when her mothers response was not answered for say twenty minutes the mother called the police. All of this without contacting me by phone. She sent an e-mail, but I was outside talking to the neighbour.
Apparently the police was called, so imagine my shocjk seeing three police sgts facing me. After a lengthy conversation I was let go and the daughter (separatelly interviewed) decided to stay. So in my view she was feeling safe with me, so that she stayed. And she was very appologetic.
However there are several points I observe:
1. Message conveyed to the child - do not let your father discipline you as I will call the police.
2. Your father is useless, ignore him. I am the power, you live with me and do what I say.
3. Today she admitted she read my sms to my daughter. I had written jokingly that I might as well call the police as she is not responding for the fear her mother had molested her.

Where does presumed innocent unless proven guildty? Does she have the every right to squanter police funds, well knowing her daughter is fine? I think the aim is to abuse the system by causing distress to me. This si the second time she is doing that for no reason. In my view this is a form of bullying by police.
What are my rights? Should not she be fined if she sent the polce on a wild goose chase?
What are the legal ways to protect the parents from such harassment and bullying?
I stared contemplating moving out of the country as the abuse is unbearable.

Jamie Editor 12/02/2015 at 11:06 am

@seanyt - yes this can be a tricky situation when you have a step-child and yet have no parental responsibility for him. I would hope your ex will see the support you have given to him and allow you to continue the relationship with him that you have always had. Unfortunately, there is little you can do through the courts because of your lack of PR.

seanyt 11/02/2015 at 2:32 pm

I am in the middle of a separation and about to start divorce procedures my problem is I have a 11 year old boy who is not my own but I class him as my own child and need advice on my laws on parental rights on this. I was with my ex partner for 9 years 3 of them being married and also have another child of 6 with her I've raised the 11 year old as my own since the age of 1 he knows that I am his step dad as we told him at age 9. Unfortunately his biological farther has passed away and i never got to adopt him as my own

Mg 31/08/2014 at 1:03 am

There are so many sites like this offering support for dads but nothing if you are the victim of a man who tries to destroy your life, take your child etc. where can I find support? I'm do tired of reading how dads need support when I have been searching for help for so long and there is nothing to protect me, instead the system seems to protect him out of guilt for all the wrong that has been done to other dads over the years. He is allowed to continue to bully and manipulate and I have to continue to be his victim with no hope of escape. What is out there for women?

anything goes 01/05/2014 at 11:53 am

Myself and my ex have been seperated for over 3 years Had a contact order to see my son hes 7 with Austism The court took this away from me The court want me to get a parenting assessment but there aint any being run in dumfries Not saw my boy for over 2 years and been to court 4 times now What benifits can i claim for? Can i stop paying csa money and open a bank account and that cash in to that instead?

bluesman 16/09/2013 at 3:10 pm

I was married in 2003, since then we have had a child of our own, my wife brought two children in to the marriage with her which I loved as my own, I am a builder and gave her everything she wanted from doing the house up, holidays abroad and a brand new 4x4, my life for 10 years was my wife and kids, I gave them everything, even my life was theirs, but in 2010 something was wrong and she stopped bothering with me and no emotional contact, she insisted we move to a bigger house and sell ours, which was in my name, in 2012, an offer came in for the house and I accepted, on telling the wife, she said she wanted divorce and half of everything, what a shock, on agreement ourselves, we decided to get solicitors just for the legal stuff, nothing to costly, went to work one day, came home house virtually empty and no access to children, she got most of the proceeds of the contents and half the value of the property and I get to see my daughter for 1 hour a week, that's if she wants to, fellas I agree with rony, be a little selfish and move on, otherwise to much heartache and pain, when the child is ready they will come to you, just be there if needed, until then look after number one. thanks rony, good luck

Rony 23/04/2013 at 1:46 am

Men out there I am going through a divorce and this is the best thing you can do to stop your ex wife from making your life hell through your children. The problem that we all men have is that we love our children to the point that your ex is going to use it against you and make your life miserable. Go and pick up your child and if she say no then move on with your life. the more we show her we care and we show our desperation in our emotions the more we get screw. Women know this and attorneys know this. Besides your children are never yours, they are only borrowed temporarily and then after they become teenagers they spend more time with their friend and then they live. Think a little selfish and take care of yourself.of course if your wife is a nice human being then help her and enjoy your children by all means. You might not agree with me now but you will understand later. Good luck.

stressedoutdad 13/04/2013 at 4:20 pm

I have been through a divorce in which non of our assets were divided because we agreed to split the equity of our jointly owned property on sale post divorce. she now is refusing to aknowledge any such agreements existed and is refusing to sell the property. im such a fool for falling for this and i hate to admit that no written agreements were made. the fact is my 2 little girls stay with me for half the week and i manage to squeeze a full time job in the other half, i consider myself to be a proper parent and my girls love and respect me as such. i fully support my children, i get no help financially and i cant afford to own my own property hence im living with my parents. im worried that my ex wife is willing to fleece me out of 7 years worth of investment she may well attempt to restrict my access to the children. i have to make a stand but i dont know what to do first. i have no money for a solicitor and no right for legal aid. i feel totally helpless. what i would like is a shared parenting agreement and a least a little bit of my equity back but she is refusing even to mediate. and to make things worse my children are starting to get very upset when i hand them over to her. in fact my eldest (5 years old) clings to my leg and goes silent. this makes me feel like im letting them down and is should be doing something about it but i dont want any friction that could upset my kids even more. im also hearing of some of her friends that my ex thinks the reason my kids get upset is because she thinks i am poisoning them against her. im very lucky and grateful for the time i get with my kids, i know a lot of people do not have decent access to their children, dont get me wrong. I just feel like everything is collapsing. please help.

Suzie 07/02/2013 at 8:30 am

Hi MonzaI would tell your ex that. if she expects you to cook and clean then you expect her to half all the household bills/mortgage etc. it's fair.

Monza 05/02/2013 at 9:55 am

My wife and I are seperated but still live in the same house with our 12 year old daughter. I pay the mortgage and all the household bills and my wife does all the cooking cleaning etc however she now refuses to cook and do the laundry for me saying she wants me to pay her for doing it witch to me it seems unreasonable how do I stand should she be contributing towards the running of the house?

Greg 28/10/2012 at 2:39 pm

I have been married for 14 years 10 years ago my wife became disabled and has not had any responsibility for the children or running the house since then. She has a carer to help with her daily needs. We want to separate. I will continue to have sole responsibility for the children and they will live only with me. What is a fair settlement when we sell the house?

Stroller 23/07/2012 at 11:06 am

Divorced in 2004 and have a daughter from that marriage. Have seen my daughter regularly since divorce, although the ex never allowed overnight stays or holidays. She passed away in May and her partner who has only lived there for a year is now contesting residence. Law should be on my side, but since the death have seen my daughter for 10 hours. Grandparents are also poisoning her, saying that my ex-wife's cancer and so her death were my fault, and have cut her off even from her aunt and her children because they speak to me. Am completely shocked that have gone from a regular relationship to apoint where that is being totally destroyed or at least trying to be destroyed by the grandparents and the partner. Now £4.5k in solicitors fees and haven't even got to court yet.

tazman 01/07/2012 at 7:28 pm

I am in the middle of a divorce which has turned safe to say acrimonious and her latest in a myriad of nastiness is an allegation she is saying has been made by one of my daughters who she has managed to prevent me for seeing, for a almost a year. This is now being investigated by the police and I do have a criminal defence laywer to attend with me. As this is an open investigation I am unable to go into too many detail which I am sure you can understand!!!!! I have been dragged through Social Services who have closed the matter with no further action needed. I have tried through the Courts and CAFCASS who I have very little confidence in having read a lot of other peoples' stories. I feel my ex wife has either delusional disorder or contemporary munchausen syndrom by proxy whereby she is brainwashing the children into believing an event(s) happened. Is there anything else that anyone can suggest I try/be done. Thank you in advance for your comments/advice/help. Tazman

Dad Editor 29/05/2012 at 8:40 pm

@stel... If your name is on the mortgage and the title of the house is in your name then it is your house. If you want him to leave and he is being abusive then maybe you could call the police as a last resort. If the police are concerned then they may involve Social Services. There is a chance they will implement some measures if they consider your children to be at risk. The worry is that you open up a can of worms. I wouldn't worry about him getting custody of the kids. That's really unlikely to happen unless there is something really bad happening. It seems to me that fighting like this is damaging to the kids. The best way to sort this is to try and sort it out between yourselves. I wish you luck with it. You could always look on the Separated Dads fb page though beware how you ask - many dads on there don't get to see their kids at all down to the mums so things are sometimes sensitive!!

stel 09/05/2012 at 4:42 pm

My partner and I after 21 years have split up. We were not married and the relationship broke down 8 years ago. We have not shared a marital bed for 8 years, my partner was more like a lodger sleeping on the couch. My youngest children are 8 and 5. My ex partner has aggressive behaviour and is on medication for depression. He has never really bothered looking after the children always leaving it to me. He is a control freak. Since thr break up he wants to have the children all the time and threatens custody. He barges in my house demanding things and refuses to leave even when I ask him to, saying its half of his house and he has a right to be there I tell him doesnt as its only my name on the mortgage. He says I am an alcoholic of course I am not and I am worried about the kids in case he loses his temper. Please help. What are my rights?

fasial 16/02/2012 at 7:51 pm

This info was quite good.but one question is being divorced and then still not having contact.with my child.is really getting me down.my ex took my baby when he was 3 weeks.it is coming to nearly three years.the court have still refused direct contact.my wife accused me of being violent towards her.which was untrue..but this is what I'm been labled with as the court with the fact finding was against me aswell. I'm taking meditation.what if I still don't get access what can I do..

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