One of the most heartbreaking things that can happen is for a divorced or separated father to only have infrequent in-person contact with his kids. Where a contact order is in place and adhered to, the usual reason behind all this is distance – either the father’s had to move for work or personal reasons, or the mother’s moved. Whatever the cause, it means that the father doesn’t get to see his kids often, and can’t fully share in the joys of them growing up and their daily lives.
If the move happened without your agreement or proper legal process, you may have grounds to challenge it using our free Moving Away Rights Checker.
Rearranging Contact
If your original contact order was for the kids to spend every other weekend (or possibly even more) with you, and circumstances change so that’s no longer practical, it might be possible to change the contact order – this is especially true if your ex has moved.
Try to negotiate a change so that, although the kids aren’t with you as often, it can be for longer blocks of time during the holidays. You’ll need to change your work schedule, but with notice that’s not a problem for most people, and the majority of fathers will willingly do that in order to have time with their children.
If you have a reasonable relationship with your ex, there’s a very good chance you can reach an agreement that suits you both. Depending on the distance, you could have them for a week at a time, or even longer. If the move has taken them (or you) abroad, then during the summer holidays for a few weeks would make an ideal time. You need to be sure you have proper, legal, written permission from the mother for the children to travel, and those children under the age of 12 who are flying without an adult will be doing so as “unaccompanied minors”. Many airlines have special arrangements for this group, but you’ll need to ask your individual airline. It generally costs a little extra, but it’s worth the money for the peace of mind.
As anyone who’s gone through it can testify, there are pluses and minuses to being a holiday dad rather than a weekend dad. You get a long period when you get to know your kids well all over again and really enjoy them, as well as the luxury of time to do things. The downside is that you end up just seeing them a few times a year – in some cases, just once for a long period in the summer, so you miss out on the smaller, daily things.
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Keeping Contact
Not being physically close to your kids doesn’t mean you can’t keep in touch, however. These days most kids use mobile phones, as well as email and instant messaging. They’re used to being in constant touch with their friends, and there’s no reason you can’t take advantage of that. Call them on their mobiles for a chat after school, at home in the evening when they’re more relaxed, or get online and talk to them or send them emails. Ask questions about the things that matter to them, keep up with the things that are happening at school and at home. Remember, too, that snail mail is good for sending presents. They don’t have to be large, just reminders that you’re thinking of them.
If you’re on good terms with your ex, talk to her periodically to receive a more objective opinion on how the children are faring at school and otherwise.
It’s true that it’s not the same as being together. But where that can’t happen, it’s a good substitute. Even five minutes a day keeps you in touch, and reminds your kids that you love them.
My ex and her current partner Who she was having a affair with have done everything possible to stop my family and myself from seeing my daughter.
There’s been Two police incidents (both dismissed by police)
We’ve had Social services involved recommending I have full access.
I’ve attended mediation, my ex was a no show.
I call once/twice a week but I am met with voicemail (I’m blocked)
I have done everything possible to keep things amicable for our daughter but worry them two are turning her against me and my family.
It’s PAS.
I’ve got a date booked for court which I always hoped it wouldn’t come to this.
Is there any advice from anyone as to what I can expect while there?
How to deal with trying to re-establish contact without being aggressively confronted by numb nuts...
all and any help is appreciated.
Thankyou.
I split up with my ex wife a few yrs ago...i was seeing my boys quite regularly untill i met some one else.... i moved away to yorkshire but still made the travel from yorkshire to liverpool and still paid maintenance to
...my boys had started to take to my new partner... telling me how much they like....This is when my troubles began....my ex started refusing to let me see my boys not even phone contact either... I had no choice but to take her to court medition had broken down with cafcass.... iwe were both told to attend prental classes i think thats what it was called...i attended and my ex failed to attend even tho this was oredered by the courts .......it went all the way to court and the judge had told us to be amicble about our children and grow up...that was nov 2011....after court my ex approached me and said that she will make sure that she will make it hard for me to see my boys even tho she told the courts she was going to encourage it.... i seen my boys then untill xams/new year.....then she stopped me again wen she discovered i had remarried....
i m in the process of taking her back to court as she told me that the interim court order does not stand ie visittion rights.... this is wat i had untill the final hearing...which included phone calls with my boys ...i hve not seen my boys since easter 2012... ive tried everything letters to her txts to her phone clls to her none have ever been answerd... ive tried the same with my elder son who is 14 my other son is 5....i no they wnt to see me but i lso no they re scred of their mother.... with me taking her back to court can the courts make her let me see my boys ..... the interim order stated tht i shud see the boys once fortnight the finl hering the judge told us to be micble so does the finl hering cncel out the interim i still dont have telephone contact that was also in the interim please please help
She hasnt come even once. She says she will never let me see baby's face.
Is this in breach of the contact order and what rights or recourse do I have?
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