Martin shares his story about how he eventually obtained a residency order against the odds:
Two years ago my ex-wife had an affair with a much older man. I was aware that something wasn't right in our relationship, but I guess I was in denial because I didn't want to consider the break up of what had been a very happy marriage up until that point. We also had a very young son – at the time she met this other man he was still not two years old and I dreaded what a break up of our marriage would do to our child.
Although I was usually working long hours, when at home I loved to spend time with my son right from the day he was born. In comparison, my ex-wife had never been a particularly involved mother. I won't say she doesn't love our son, but she's never been particularly good with children and finds them 'boring'. As time went by her interest in our child seemed to lessen rather than increase. She also took on more work (or rather visiting her boyfriend and claiming to be working), so that our son spent virtually his entire week either with me, or with my parents.
Obviously it couldn't go on like this forever and when I discovered I'd caught a STI (from my wife as I certainly wasn't involved in any other relationships!) I hit the roof and it all came out in the open. We did attempt to patch things up, for the child's sake, but not long after, just before Christmas, I came home to find my house stripped of all possessions worth taking, and my wife and son missing. There was a letter on the table saying she and my son had 'gone to live with a better man' and a very strong hint that I might as well top myself because she was going to take the house and everything else I owned. Apparently I wouldn't want to carry on living as I'd 'spend the rest of my days paying for her and my son to live in my house while I lived in poverty'.
Importance of Getting a Solicitor Quickly
That was the lowest point in my life, I don't ever want to be there again. I admit I phoned the Samaritans many times that Christmas because I seriously considered doing just what she'd suggested, but love for my son and very supportive friends and family kept me from going crazy. Luckily I'd been to see a solicitor the day after she left, one of those 'first hour is free' consultations. They were very good and helped with my application for divorce. I can't state enough how grateful I was later for getting to the solicitor immediately after the event rather than waiting.
Then in the New Year things started, slowly, to pick up again. First, my ex-wife dumped our son on me, as she couldn't cope/didn't want him and her new partner was not interested. Shortly after, she went to see a solicitor and I started getting official letters demanding all kinds of things. But as I had a solicitor myself to deal with these things, I wasn't bullied into anything foolish, again counted my blessings on getting a reputable solicitor so soon after it all happened. We agreed a schedule, but immediately she started messing around with it and changing days on a whim – so I was often left sat in a cold car for hours waiting for my son.
Help from the Police
Following the advice of my solicitor, the next time she 'forgot' to hand over our son I contacted the police, who turned up on her partner's doorstep and persuaded her to hand over the child. The next day she, my son, and her new partner all turned up on my doorstep and her partner attempted to make threats. I just slammed the door on him, but I later found out from the police that I would have been within my rights to punch him – something to bear in mind if you're in this situation. Make sure it's clearly seen as defensive though and, if possible, that a witness is present.
The first (directions) court hearing passed without any major changes in childcare arrangements. The divorce itself came and went – my ex-wife NOT being able to make a claim on any more of my property, so I kept my house, car and sanity, despite all her threats. She and her new partner split up, she moved into a tiny flat completely unsuited to a two year old.
To get 'even' with me she had me arrested for an alleged assault and attempted rape that never happened. After arresting me, locking me in a cell and interrogating me, the police were so convinced nothing had happened they let me go with a great deal of sympathy. In dealing with the police about matters like this it seems absolute honesty and patience are the best options. They have to go through their routines even if they don't believe anything has happened. Another lesson, never lose your temper when fighting legal battles, try to stay calm, focused and logical.
The Cafcass Report is Crucial
Then started a year of legal battles over the residency of our son. The big decider here being the assessment of the Cafcass Officer and her report. Luckily for me, my ex-wife's instability and messy private life was picked up by the Cafcass Officer. Again, absolute honesty is the key. As I believe is usually the case the Judge in the Family Court went almost entirely on what was said in the Cafcass report. So if there is a key to 'winning' in the Family Court it is to leave a good impression with the Cafcass Officer, as they're only interested in what both parties can offer the child. The end result for me has been a final court order in my favour with my son having two days of contact a week with his mother.
Stay Focused on What's Best for the Child
A final word of warning though. Having said all this, my battle for my son is not over yet. My ex-wife has come back (yet again) with a bid for residency. I shall, of course, fight it, in court if necessary, and I won't let her win. It's not easy, it's not cheap and it's lengthy, so any father who wants to fight for residency really needs to think long and hard about what they will go through. At the end of the day although it might be tempting to go in with guns blazing in the heat of the moment, in quiet retrospect the only thing that really matters is the health and wellbeing of the child, isn't it? As a father if you focus on that and not on your own hurt and anger, you will be doing the best for the child in the long run regardless of the outcome of the legal battle.'
Martin Spencer (not his real name)
Thanks to Martin for sharing his experiences with our readers.
If you have a story to share that could help or inspire dads in a similar situation to the one you have experienced, please Contact Us. We can change names to ensure your anonymity.
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Hello, I am wanting some advice please. My ex partner is attempting to move my son to another school without my consent. Do I have any rights in regards to this.
Blaine - 30-Sep-22 @ 9:48 PM
Wow
I am dumbstruck as to why a so called satisfied Man (with his life) would waste time reading these blogs of a sensitive nature and is perplexed that other men who have seen that white substance they splurged out actually had something to do with this little person who has my eyes, face, whatever.
The hardest part of separation isn’t the woman/man although most aren’t without challenges etc. It’s the guilt of splitting up the little world the child had become accustomed to.
Personally I cannot fathom why any parent wouldn’t want to be involved in their own flesh and blood development for the foreseeable.
Being accountable for ones actions and being Responsible for the upbringing of another is the most rewarding voluntary work ever.
I say voluntary but IMO parents have a moral obligation after all we created them
We’reResponsible - 18-Sep-21 @ 1:10 AM
Nice post, however, the detail about how (in your words) got to keep everything is unclear.
I have a home owned solely by me prior to marriage.
Every solicitor doesn’t have the appetite to justify exclusion from joint assets and same goes for my pension.
I would love full custody not only because I’m also the involved parent, this way benefits the child massively as she is left unattended from anywhere between 3-6 hours whilst the mother works (from home). She’s then eating past 8 etc.
When I brought this up, as expected it was met with a tirade of, I have no choice what would you rather I don’t work at all and she won’t be able to do this or that.
I’m stuck as to what to do.
Resolve&moveon - 18-Sep-21 @ 12:55 AM
Well Rose, it would appear you have the same situation as my ex wife but since this is just your perception of situation can I offer the other side? Your ex may kot have been reluctant to work or get full time work... She may have felt forced into getting jobs that met your need to work and be the main breadwinner whilst she raised the child you both had a commitment to. The house situation should in fact be tied to what's is best for the child. Who will the child live with in the main? Would her keeping the house leave you financially worse or better off? And vice versa? The law states an "equitable and fair share." If you are the main earner and your position was afforded you by the fact that your ex wife cared for your child and therefore saved money on child care, is she now in a position where she is unable to earn what she perhaps did before you had the child? What was her earning capacity before you had the child, is she financially disadvantaged now? Are you looking for vindication to walk away from your responsibilities and bad mouth your ex wife. Gender is not of consequence here, there are good responsible dads who want to provide for their children and that includes not leaving their ex in abject poverty as punishment for no longer being their partner. That means dads who are able to see that in being honest about the financial position that benefits both parties, both he and his ex are able to provide the same sort of lifestyle the child has enjoyed whilst they were together, post separation. Are youbgoinfng to be one of those parents or are you going to be bitter and selfish and unable to see how your child might benefit if you sell the house and share the money from it equitably, which may not mean equal if you have a far greater earning potential. Once your child is old enough to understand, do you want to be the a-hole who made their mum struggle as a single parent or the parent who has a relationship with their child in their own right, free of guilt, because you did the right thing? As the guy who said not bad mouthing their ex and being a kind human being put it, karma will find you. What are you looking for here, good karma or bad?
Rose2 - 29-Nov-20 @ 2:15 PM
Well Rose, it would appear you have the same situation as my ex wife but since this is just your perception of situation can I offer the other side? Your ex may kot have been reluctant to work or get full time work... She may have felt forced into getting jobs that met your need to work and be the main breadwinner whilst she raised the child you both had a commitment to. The house situation should in fact be tied to what's is best for the child. Who will the child live with in the main? Would her keeping the house leave you financially worse or better off? And vice versa? The law states an "equitable and fair share." If you are the main earner and your position was afforded you by the fact that your ex wife cared for your child and therefore saved money on child care, is she now in a position where she is unable to earn what she perhaps did before you had the child? What was her earning capacity before you had the child, is she financially disadvantaged now? Are you looking for vindication to walk away from your responsibilities and bad mouth your ex wife. Gender is not of consequence here, there are good responsible dads who want to provide for their children and that includes not leaving their ex in abject poverty as punishment for no longer being their partner. That means dads who are able to see that in being honest about the financial position that benefits both parties, both he and his ex are able to provide the same sort of lifestyle the child has enjoyed whilst they were together, post separation. Are youbgoinfng to be one of those parents or are you going to be bitter and selfish and unable to see how your child might benefit if you sell the house and share the money from it equitably, which may not mean equal if you have a far greater earning potential. Once your child is old enough to understand, do you want to be the a-hole who made their mum struggle as a single parent or the parent who has a relationship with their child in their own right, free of guilt, because you did the right thing? As the guy who said not bad mouthing their ex and being a kind human being put it, karma will find you. What are you looking for here, good karma or bad?
Rose2 - 29-Nov-20 @ 2:14 PM
@Joe same story here this is what I did - go to court and request parental responsibility and a double barrelled surname as well as visitation. Make the request for the surname to be in the interest of the child i.e. so there is a paternal link between father and son. Cafcass are likely to be in favour of this. Once you have parental responsibility and an order to double barrell the surname then file a GRO 185 form. This will allow you to change your sons surname and add your name on the birth certificate without your exes permission.
Notes of cautuon:
Get a solicitor. Costly but worth every penny. You can do it without a solicitor as I did but it takes a lot longer. I am going back to court this time with a solicitor as she has stopped contact.
When you do your position statement not one bad word about your ex. You only state what you think will be in the best interest of the child. Let your ex say bad words about you and even slander you. Mine did and I provided evidence everytime so she just looked vindictive and a liar.
Always wear a suit/smart clothing definately no trousers.
Lastly be polite to everyone and do not shout in the court process. I remeber at East london family court I smiled at someone and helped them with something that later turned out to be one if the three judges for my hearing
Connor0110 - 28-Nov-20 @ 10:28 AM
Hi there, how much would this cost... ball park?
kedbet - 20-Oct-20 @ 6:04 PM
@Joe all these can be solved by taking legal route. If shes in UK, file a child arrangements order - form c100. Leave it to court to track her down.
Steve - 18-Sep-20 @ 11:33 PM
Hi
my girlfriend and I are not married and we have a son now 3 months old. we have separated and gone away separate ways.
she has also gone and registered our son's birth however, my name is not on the birth certificate.
she has now moved away without informing me of her address and has taken my son with her.
Please can you help me with the following questions.
1. can I force my girlfriend to provide her address by law and how can this be done.
2. can I be added on to the birth certificate even though we are not married.
3. what are my legal rights and responsibility as a father over our son.
Joe - 17-Sep-20 @ 7:55 PM
Hi
I have been married for over 14 years and have a10 year old child.
I own a property with my soon to be ex wife.
I have always paid the mortgage and all the bills since our marriage.
She has been reluctant and resistant to workIng full time which has meant that i have had to work exceptionally hard doing additional hours to cover our expenses.
Will she take the house in the divorce and will I be forced to pay the mortgage even though I won’t be living there.
Can I ask for the property to be sold and expect half of the equity.
Rose - 14-Aug-20 @ 3:33 PM
My ex and I split after I found messages to another woman, since then he has moved in with her we had a mutual agreement that the children 4 and 11months would not be introduced until they had been in a serious relationship for atleast 6 months. My ex partner decided to take my children to stay there over night without consent my daughter 4 will not go to bed on her own and is consistantly wetting the bed. I have tried to keep the contact between them but he makes things difficult and always leaves my little girl crying when he leave he's put doing things with his new partner before his children and now wants me to go to mediation and says he want full custody of the children? It is his partners address he is not named on the agreement can he do this? I worry because his new partner has previous for violence and has been locked up before due to an incident with her ex partner I'm worried that this could reoccur whilst my children are present and they are to young to contact me? Any help would be brilliant
Hayley29 - 12-Jul-20 @ 2:37 PM
I really need some advice on wether there is anything I can do to stop my ex girlfriend moving my 2 year old son into another mans house?! The thought of this is literally filling me with so much anger! i really dread the thought of what this means for me and my son! I do still have him most days but because of my work commitments it means I can only have the boy 2 nights a week! I feel as though I’m slipping into depression over it all! i don’t want another man around my son or influencing him in any way yet it’s out of my control and my ex seems to be enjoying the power ! My son is better off with me please help before I do something I may regret.
Fish - 30-May-20 @ 5:31 PM
I'm needing some advice really quickly. My ex is moving my kids away from our current home town, she is moving away to another town which is 1.5 hours away. I have no issue with her moving away as I think its the best thing for her to be honest. However if she goes she takes my 2 kids with her? currently for last 6 months I have been seeing my kids 1-2 nights a week. As this was what we agreed when we separated as it works around my work hours. I work weekends so me getting my kids during the week and every 2nd weekend is perfect for me. I have asked my ex what will contact look like for me if she was to move away? her reply is fri/sat/sun every second weekend. I have asked my work for every second Sat off to try and accommodate this but they have refused me. I have told my ex this but she has basically told me thats your choice. She has no care to how i see my kids?and no thoughts to the detriment of mine and my kids relationship. How can she be so selfish? Is court my only option?
geeps - 25-May-20 @ 4:14 PM
Hi going through acrimonious divorce.Its hard as we have two children 15 and 12.
My wife is a bullyinsistson winning every little thing.It was frustrating that I could not even have any input to family life,I ended up try to find ways to please my wife, to try to make her happy. But nothing seemed to work.
My wife would belittle in front of the children, if I stood up for myself verbally, my wife would shout and scream at me.There was no reasoning with her.I think she just hated me.
My wife decided to sleep and live in the living room about three years ago. I wanted to go to relate but she did not. She said she wanted to get divorced, and go to Mediation.She then refused to go to Mediation and refused to discuss the matter any further.
My wife then stopped me from using the lounge and I now live in the bedroom upstairs.My wife threatens to call the police on me, and calls me a child abuser and woman hater, financial abuser at me in front of the children.I
Its very frustrating, my health has deteriorated as a result.
Last year I started divorce proceedings. My wife went to mediation for one session and then refused to go further.
She said "we can not agree on anything, I want the judge to decide"
The legal costs for me have been great.My wife is representing herself, she is very smart and she appears to know more about divorce than my solicitor.I think my wife has been planning the divorve for years.
I'm getting to understand the issues more as this divorce evolves.What gets me is that everything appears to be in my wifes favour.She wants the house paid off, and in her name, half my pension and maitenance for the children.
I said I want to have the children 50% of the time.Anything less, my wife will just make it so awkward.
My wife never gives me any credit for any of my contributions to the marriage.
I'm a firm believer in equality, but it appears the family courts do not.Is there any signs of change in how the judges apply law fairly to both genders?It feels wrong that my wife wants 70% of the assets.When she did not contribute 70% of the wealth.My wife is very intelligent degree educated and could find a higher paid job. But the court seems to ignore this aspect.
I'm just fed up with the way the system works.It does not incentivise honesty.
Is there any hope of a 50/50 resolution?Has anyone heard of this outcome being successful?
Borofantwo - 23-Apr-19 @ 10:46 PM
Can anyone help me??? I live in Scotland,my ex partner lives in south England with my son who is 12 years of age. According to a letter that he wrote to the judge,he only wants email contact with me, I have tried over many years to maintain contact with him (visits, Skype, phone calls,) I genuinely believe that over time he has been alienated, as his mother has always made contact difficult between us. Because of his age and the letter he has written it makes proving he's been alienated impossible. Are there any case studies that anyone can refer me too??
Al - 28-Feb-19 @ 12:57 AM
I MEET KELLY WEEK FROM SOMESET ON LINE AND WE HIT OF STRAIGHT AWAY AND I WENT TO SEE HER AND THINGS SO WELL I ASKED TO MARRY ME BUT WHEN SHE WENT NANS HER NAN TURN AROUND SHE NEEDS TO GET DIVORCE YOU GET MARRYED I WAS SHOCKED AND SHE GOT PREGANT WITH JAKE BUT WE HAD FALLING OUT BECAUSE SHE KEEPS PUTTING THE DIVORCE OF ALL THE TIME , BUT WE GOT BACK TOGETHER AND I WENT BACK TO HER AND THERE WAS ME JAKE AND KELLY AND THINGS WERE GOOD , BUT ONLY THINING WAS SHE WAS STILL MARRYED TO OTHER MAN HOW MOVED BACK TO HIS COUNTRY , BUT I WAS NOT ALLOW TO JAKE PLAY SCHOOL AND WAS ALLOWED BE JAKE ON MY OWN AND HER SAID YOU NEED LET JASON JAKE HIS LIVE AND SHE DID PUT MY SURNAME ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE WHEN SHE DONE , BUT SHE GOT PREGANT AGAIN WITH ALISHA , BUT MAN MOTHER IF YOU JASON YOU NEED DIVORE SON AS HE WILL NOT BE COMING BACK , BUT SHE KEPT PUTTING IT OF , SO WE SLPIT UP AGAIN , BUT THE THINGS IS I DO PAY MONEY MY CHILDREN POCKET MONEY BUT I AM NOT ALLOWED TO SEE MY OR THEY DO SEND ME CARDS ALL I AM NOT ALLOWED SEND CARDS TO THEM AND I DONT SPEEK TO BUT , SHE MEET NEW GUY AND HAD ANOTHER CHILDREN HIM AND SHE TALKS MY BROTHER AND SHE LEFT HIM AND MARRY FARMER AND CHILD FROM HIM SO SHE HAS 4 CHRILDREN FROM 3 GUYS BUT I AM WRITING THIS AS I AM VERY ILL AND WITH THIS GOING I AM NOT ALLOWED HAVE ON CONTACT WITH MY TO CHILDREN WICH IS SO UP SETTING
jasonripley48 - 17-Dec-18 @ 9:00 AM
Hello,
My ex and I seperated around 5 years ago. My now 7 year old son has been seeing me every other weekend and 70% of the school holidays since then, but I have an attritional relationship with my ex. My partner and I are currently building a case for custody, for many issues, surrounding his health and emotional wellbeing.
However this weekend he is here with me, and he has been bitten by his family dog. It is not serious, but he tells me it's not the first time, and also his sister has been bitten. I have asked his mother, but she has denied it, and is now ignoring my request about how the injury occured.
I am considering refusing to take him home if I do not get an explanation, but my ex is very vindictive, and every time I disagree with her on anything, she makes it difficult for me to see him.
I have parental responsibilty, and a contact order, She has a residence order.
Any advice would be welcome.
stg1969 - 27-Jan-18 @ 11:24 AM
bkate - Your Question:
I would like some advice, the situation is my wife is from central africa and our son was born there, but he has a british passport (by descent) as I am british by birth. My wife is here on a spouse visa but wants to leave me and take my son, what rights do I have and can I keep him? I lived in central africa with her for a few years after my son was born but we had issues and ended up separating as she was unfaithful, we reconciled after some time and she said she would never do it again but 6 months later we were separating again and I came to the uk. she did not let me take my son so I didnt fight and thought id visit him every year. shortly after we reconciled again as she always says she wants to keep her family together and so I applied for a spouse visa thinking maybe we would have a better life here in the UK. its been a couple months now and she already wants to leave as it turns out the whole time she was away she was back with an ex and now wants him again and wants to take my son. I feel thats not fair as she keeps promising we will be a a family and knows how much I love my son and how hard it was to leave him in the first place but she keeps deciding when to come and go like its not destroying mine or his life. I told her she cant keep moving him around and holding his life back coz she cant decide where she wants to be. how do I keep him as I feel his life is definitely better with me in the uk. there is so much more to the story hope this suffices a reasonable response
Our Response:
Unfortunately, in such a case where two parents cannot agree, it is a matter for either mediation or the courts. Your wife cannot leave the UK with your son without your permission. If you refuse, then your wife will have to apply to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. As a rule, it is generally the day-to-day primary carer of the child that is allowed to continue that role. You don't say how old your son is (the older your son is, the more he will be able to state a preference). Likewise, you don't say who the primary carer of your child is currently and/or whether you have shared domestic care, if you do, then you may have a case. On the other hand, if for instance you work a full-time job and do not generally spend much time with your child, then it is likely the court would opt for the parent who parents your child most. However, as difficult as it may be, mutual agreement is always best.
SeparatedDads - 16-Jan-18 @ 2:06 PM
i would like some advice, the situation is my wife is from central africa and our son was born there, but he has a british passport (by descent) as i am british by birth. My wife is here on a spouse visa but wants to leave me and take my son, what rights do i have and can i keep him? i lived in central africa with her for a few years after my son was born but we had issues and ended up separating as she was unfaithful, we reconciled after some time and she said she would never do it again but 6 months later we were separating again and i came to the uk. she did not let me take my son so i didnt fight and thought id visit him every year. shortly after we reconciled again as she always says she wants to keep her family together and so i applied for a spouse visa thinking maybe we would have a better life here in the UK. its been a couple months now and she already wants to leave as it turns out the whole time she was away she was back with an ex and now wants him again and wants to take my son. i feel thats not fair as she keeps promising we will be a a family and knows how much i love my son and how hard it was to leave him in the first place but she keeps deciding when to come and go like its not destroying mine or his life. i told her she cant keep moving him around and holding his life back coz she cant decide where she wants to be. how do i keep him as i feel his life is definitely better with me in the uk. there is so much more to the story hope this suffices a reasonable response
bkate - 15-Jan-18 @ 9:39 PM
pro - Your Question:
My son his wife and his two kids 11 year boyand 9 years girl living since he married 12 years ago free, all two kids lookafter by me and my wife, now his wife file divoice case in court,she just told us. and she still living in my house free, we are in tensions how we say to her please leave my house, becouse childrens live with us since born and school is near my house, I do not know what to do. any advice, can I get custody of my grand children, she never has a proper job in her life.
Our Response:
Just because your son's wife has not had a job, it does not mean she cannot be a mother to her children. Your son and his wife would have to decide between them who is going to be the primary carer of the children. However, this is nothing to do with your and your wife as grandparents. You cannot file for residency of the children as you do not have official parental responsibility of the children. Only if the mother and/or father cannot care for them, then may you have reason to apply to court. If the mother and father cannot decide who should take care of the children, then they would have to attend mediation. If mediation fails, either parent would have the option to apply to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 13-Oct-17 @ 11:38 AM
my son his wife and his two kids 11 year boyand 9 years girl living since he married 12 years ago free, all two kids lookafter by me and my wife,now his wife file divoice case in court,she just told us. and she still living in my house free, we are in tensions how we say to her please leave my house, becouse childrens live with us since born and school is near my house, i do not know what to do. any advice, can i get custody of my grand children, she never has a proper job in her life.
pro - 6-Oct-17 @ 7:43 AM
hi i am looking for facts.i have a 14 months breast fed daughter.i am morgage free.i am the sole owner of the property.my partner is abusive to me .she is a ok mum.but we are at the end of the line.she thinks and wants to take my daughter away to live on ther own.and she will limted my access as she is already showing signs of this.they still are in my home .am i in my legal righrt to throu here out and hold on to my daughter.why does the child always have to go with her mum
christiejas - 17-Apr-17 @ 10:03 AM
Credeam ca sinteti totul pentru mine, dar ati dovedit contrariul. Sunteti o persoana complicata. Spune- ti ca ma iubiti??Dati-mi voie sa nu va cred. Am spus ca-mi doresc o persoana care sa ma respecte. Total gresit sa imi cere- ti o suma de bani,daca v-as fi cunoscut cu cea mai mare placere as fi ajutat. Dar in cazul dv. nu e valabil,imi pare rau si de faptul ca asociati fotografia mea cu numele dv. fara acordul meu.Cred ca m-am atasat de o persoana nepotrivita mie .Imi pare rau sa o spun dar cred ca e trista realitate. Eu sincer m-am indragostit de imaginea dv. si chiar aveam nevoie de o inima pereche. Dorinta si impulsul de a avea pe cineva de incredere linga mine s-au dovedit a fi o mare greseala din partea mea .
laura - 10-Feb-17 @ 8:37 PM
Iv recently found out that my partner of 2 years has been romanticly involved with another man over the last few months.
We are unmarried but have a 1 year old daughter together. My name is on the birth certificate.
She is unaware that I know.
What are My legal rights as a father if a separation happens as I don't want to miss out on her growing up.
Am I allowed to take my daughter with Me when I've?
RB - 26-Dec-16 @ 8:50 AM
Hi, wonder if anyone can help please.
Son is 18, 19 in March, and doing college course equivalent to A levels and leaves June next year.I've paid, via a deduction from my wages (work for govt), under the old system for last 16 years.Ex wife gets child allowance of course.Son and mother don't get on, son has moved out and has a room in family friends house, rent free.
Can I ask CSA to stop the deduction now? What proof will I need of his move?Or will I have to wait until March next year when Child Benefit stops.
Thanks, Malc
malc - 22-Nov-16 @ 7:24 PM
My wife left me several weeks ago for another man.I have sole responsibility for the children and offered her regular contact.She met up with the kids maybe twice in 4 weeks. It turns out that tge man she moved in with is heavily involved with drugs.My ex wife has declared she is not interested in the kids anymore but accepts their phone calls.She constantly lies to the children telling them she will coming home soon.
This obviously builds their hopes up. The time is coming to tell the children the truth but i really dont know what to tell them.
Keiron76 - 19-Nov-16 @ 6:48 PM
My boyfriend of 8 years is fighting for custody of his kids, the mother is neglectful,dating a guy who is abusing my boyfriends kids, there was a recent incident,that my boyfriend had no part,apparently the mothers boyfriend beat on my boyfriends son, even the police were called and police called dyfis, on this guy, my boyfriend waS forced to return the children for the mothers visitation she picked the children up to drop them off to her boyfriend to babysit the same boyfriend the police called dyfis on the week prior, my boyfriend has an attorney but his children are not being bathed,fed right,the mother never has them,and the mothers boyfriend is abusing them,the children Are 8-9. Boy and girl, they both cry and beg daddy please don't make us go,he will beat us for telling you, my boyfriend cries himself to sleep at night he doesn't know what to do the courts are taking their good ol time on the custody issues his son will text him please come get me the children are being punished in ridiculous ways by this guy is anyone have any advice on what you can do since the system is failing him,his poor daughter comes home with feces in her underwater days old, the first night home they eat 5 meals right in row,they are old enough to say what happens to them,but social service aka dyfis keeps a blind eye for the abuse and neglect happening, years ago my boyfriend had to go threw council ingredients,home inspections,you name it,even made me and my children be interviewed to ensure that we were allowed to be around his children I have a clean record I've never been in trouble and I don't do drugs yet I was being need to pee in a cup and prove my innocence while the mother who takes Xanax is passed out half the time and the other half the time I'm not home with the children guy says has been called several times on her boyfriend for hitting the children yet they keep making my boyfriend let her have her visitation dyfis gave the mother a two week notice to do a pee test, yet made father's gf ,me,pee within 12hrs,nothing to hide I did as they requested,dyfis was called on mother and boyfriend why were we being questioned and tested? After coming out clean as a while of coarse , the actual mother wasn't tested till weeks later, the children Are intelligent kids,and are fully aware of around them, they have told police,told dyfis, about there experience while with mother,and out being started for 2 days straight, I don't understand why the courts do not see a light reason to remove them from her,place them back with there father,who has a yard,food they can bathe,mother lives over a store they never see outside bc she works while abusive boyfriend watches them,he puts them in a room,till next morning no lunch,no dinner most nights,dyfis saw for themselves only beer in the refrigerator no food, why is the law and our system not stepping in to help them why?
Sissy - 25-Jul-16 @ 6:33 PM
My boyfriend of 8 years is fighting for custody of his kids, the mother is neglectful,dating a guy who is abusing my boyfriends kids, there was a recent incident,that my boyfriend had no part,apparently the mothers boyfriend beat on my boyfriends son, even the police were called and police called dyfis, on this guy, my boyfriend wS forced to return the children for the mothers visitation she picked the children up to drop them off to her boyfriend to babysit the same boyfriend the police called dyfis on the week prior, my boyfriend has an attorney but his children are not being bathed,fed right,the mother never has them,and the mothers boyfriend is abusing them,the children Are 8-9. Boy and girl, they both cry and beg daddy please don't make us go,he will beat us for telling you, my boyfriend cries himself to sleep at night he doesn't know what to do the courts are taking their good ol time on the custody issues his son will text him please come get me the children are being punished in ridiculous ways by this guy is anyone have any advice on what you can do since the system is failing him
Sissy - 25-Jul-16 @ 5:11 PM
I was wondering if anyone could help me out. My brother has a two year old son with his ex girlfriend. He sees his son 3 times a week for 5 hours a time. We went to pick up the child yesterday and were told he would need to go to a&e as he was not walking on his right leg properly (happened in his mothers house) unfortunately the child is on a child protection register due to his mother being in an abusive relationship and then returning back to it. As we got home from the hospital yesterday my brother received a phone call from the social worker claiming that there has been a physical assault made against him towards his son. My brother has his visitations in our house with my parents and other brother so he is never on his own with the child. Nor would he ever lift his hands to his son. We don't get on with the mothers family due to the fact they were keeping her violent relationship from us and social services so this is done entirely out of spite but what could my brother do??
Many thanks.
Calvin1234 - 14-May-16 @ 9:03 AM
I was wondering if anyone could help me out. My brother has a two year old son with his ex girlfriend. He sees his son 3 times a week for 5 hours a time. We went to pick up the child yesterday and were told he would need to go to a&e as he was not walking on his right leg properly (happened in his mothers house) unfortunately the child is on a child protection register due to his mother being in an abusive relationship and then returning back to it. As we got home from the hospital yesterday my brother received a phone call from the social worker claiming that there has been a physical assault made against him towards his son. My brother has his visitations in our house with my parents and other brother so he is never on his own with the child. Nor would he ever lift his hands to his son. We don't get on with the mothers family due to the fact they were keeping her violent relationship from us and social services so this is done entirely out of spite but what could my brother do??
Many thanks.
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