What Is Shared Custody?
Shared custody means your children spend significant time living with both parents, rather than living mainly with one and visiting the other. You may also hear it called shared residency, shared care or shared parenting. These terms describe the same basic idea.
This differs from a standard contact arrangement, where children live with one parent most of the time and see the other on set days or weekends. With shared custody, both parents take on day to day care in their own homes.
The time children spend with each parent does not need to be an exact 50/50 split. Some families divide time equally, while others settle on a 60/40 or 70/30 arrangement. What matters is that both homes are genuine bases for your children, not just places they visit.
Check what legal rights you have as a separated father. Takes 2 minutes.
Try our Father's Rights Checker free, here on this site →Do You Have Parental Responsibility?
Before thinking about shared custody, you need to know whether you have parental responsibility. This is the legal status that gives you the right to make decisions about your child's upbringing.
If you were married to your child's mother at the time of birth, you will have parental responsibility automatically. However, if you married the mother after the birth, marriage alone does not grant you parental responsibility. You would still need to acquire it through a formal agreement with the mother, by being added to the birth certificate, or by obtaining a court order.
If you were not married, it depends on when your child was born and whether you are named on the birth certificate:
- For children born on or after 1 December 2003 in England and Wales, being named on the birth certificate gives you parental responsibility automatically.
- For children born before this date, or if you are not on the birth certificate, you will need to acquire parental responsibility separately.
You can get parental responsibility by entering into a formal agreement with the mother, or by applying to the court for a parental responsibility order. GOV.UK has detailed guidance on both routes.
Without parental responsibility, you can still apply for a child arrangements order, but having it makes shared custody arrangements far more straightforward.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
How Shared Custody Works in Practice
There is no single template for shared custody. Families organise things differently depending on work patterns, school locations and what suits the children.
Common arrangements include:
- Week on, week off, where children spend one full week with each parent.
- Split weeks, where children might stay Monday to Wednesday with one parent and Thursday to Sunday with the other, then swap the following week.
- A 2/2/3 pattern, with two days with one parent, two with the other, then a three day weekend that alternates.
There is no standard arrangement that is considered universally superior. Each has its pros and cons depending on your specific circumstances. Younger children may find frequent transitions unsettling, while older children might prefer longer stretches in each home. Be prepared to adjust arrangements as your children grow.
Practical details matter. You will need to think about school runs, uniforms, homework, medical appointments and keeping spare clothes and toiletries at both homes. Clear communication with the other parent makes all of this easier.
Getting a Shared Custody Arrangement in Place
If you and your ex can agree on arrangements, you do not need to involve the courts. Many parents reach their own agreement and simply get on with it. Putting your agreement in writing can help avoid misunderstandings and, while informal, can provide a useful reference if needed later.
If you cannot agree, family mediation is usually the next step. A trained mediator helps you work through disagreements and find common ground. Most people are expected to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting before making a court application. You can find a mediator through the Family Mediation Council.
If mediation does not work, you can apply to the family court for a child arrangements order. This sets out where your children will live and when they will spend time with each parent. The court's main concern is always the welfare of the children. Judges do not automatically favour mothers or fathers, and shared custody can be considered by the court when it aligns with the children's best interests.
Court proceedings take time and can be stressful. Legal advice from a family solicitor can help you understand your options and prepare your case. If cost is a concern, some solicitors offer fixed fee consultations, and you may qualify for legal aid in certain circumstances.
Organisations like Families Need Fathers and Resolution can provide information and support throughout the process.
Whatever route you take, focus on flexibility, cooperation, and meeting your children's needs rather than what feels fair to either parent.
Solicitor saying he not going to pay bills from October but will remain to pay the mortgage she has got really nasty- she says she want custody of the kids because it means he will have to give her maintenance. She isn't capable of having the kids, she has history of mental health issues and cannot cope with 2 kids full time. Medical record have her saying so. She only wants it because it comes with money!!
Does anyone have any experience or a judge awarding a mother sole custody when the father is keen to have the 50 if not more abs for the last year that's the routine they have been used too! The kids would be beside themselves if they didn't see their dad until the weekend. Sadly it doesn't look like UK law really sided with the Dad.
My ex and I (after 25 years) split November 2019, I bought her out of the family home and she moved out Feb 10 2020.
We have 3 children (daughter 23, son 20 and daughter 15). The older 2 live with me in the family home. My ex and I agreed between ourselves we would jointly/evenly share our youngest daughter between us - ie on a week on week off basis - Sunday to Sunday, no parent looks after our daughter more than the other.
I believe my ex has applied for Child Benefit and is now stating she wants Maintenance from me.
I would like to ascertain if she is entitled to claim maintenance from me considering we look after our daughter evenly, additionally I pay towards school uniform, school dinners, her mobile phone and a TV subscription, I also give my daughter pocket money whenever needed and purchase anything she wants (within reason!).
I am not sure where I stand with maintenance and I have been advised (by a friend) to apply for a Joint Residency Order.
I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this matter.
She trying to push for me getting as little with my daughter, I wanted to know would I likely get split custody of my child.
Is there any regulation regarding this? I'm not asking for her to do all the way, but at least closer to the motorway.
I am seeking advice about myself and my kids. I have split with their father for over 6 years we have had shared care for the past 4 years but I need to go home to England to be with my family. I have no support or help here in Scotland. I have been told I need consent from the father but I know he will say no. I have bad depression and anxiety due to being isolated and alone. Myself and my kids would have a better life being in England. What can I do?
For my brother. He has been separated from his daughters mum since she was born. Since she has been 3 months old they alternate 5 days each. She is now saying that that’s doesn’t suit her and the he’s only allowed
To see her at the weekends. She is pulling all the string like she is the boss. Also she is Constantly telling him that he has to pay and give her maintenance, surely if they have her 50/50 he doesn’t. And I believe this is why she wants to change the plan so that it doesn’t look like it’s 50/50 anymore and then she can ask him for money.
How would we go about getting shared parenting custody ?
Thanks
My ex has gone on to have two more children with her new partner.
The problem I am having is my two children are telling me they are unhappy living with their mum and crying on the days they have to go back to her, and asking to come an live with me.
Really not sure how to handle this.
Any advice would be grateful
I get 2 days of work as I am a bus driver I work shifts, I always tell my ex in advance by 6 weeks my days of so she can plan things etc but now she’s being awkward saying I have to quit my job and not work because it doesn’t suit her life style and she wants to go to work and I should look after them wail she goes to work but still wants me to pay maintenance like I currently do but if I don’t work I wouldn’t be able to do so, and I’ve recently moved in with my partner who has 3 children and my ex is demanding I have my over night witch currently isn’t available due to my partners house and her children and now she’s saying if I don’t have them over night I’m
Not allowed to see them at all even though all my days off I get I have them all the time I can’t possibly have them any more as I don’t get any more days of please help!!
Question about Shared residency.
sadly the children are being shouted at for wanting to see thier other parent ( parent 1) and that the parent shouting ( parent 2) cant move while they do.
Parent 2 wants to move 25 minutes away if no traffic but1 hour in traffuc ( school time)..
Covid and no school i think are being used as a stop gap to make the move happen.
Problem is the children change home every 24 hours its 1 day swap , 2 days then swap every other weekend. live half a mile apart now so thats easy.
The 12 year old wants to live with parent 1 already, but cant get anyone to listen.
The solicitor they went to see shrugged them off said come back at 13 ( that could be to late) .
The 12 year old does not want to live with parent 2 now or when moving.
They know which school and which friends they want to be with. Parent 2 is very mentaly abusive. At this time niether child -12 ( just going secondary) is in school due to covid, ages 12 and 7. Very worryung the 12 year old has said they won't go bk as the 7 year old will be open to mental abuse, arguments shouting.
12 year old does want to return to school but can't leave the youngest so as long as there is a choice it will be wants to stay home.
Why doesnt anyone listen to the children yet?
All because parent 2 works in child care they are given a free pass an automaric belief of good care.
All is not ok and if parent 2 moves thier lives will not improve due ro drink and realy not wanting them puerly for status.
This is ownership vs parenting. This is benefits vs working. This is rent vs risking homlessness. This is not a person who sees 2 children as having needs of thier own, They are owned.
What can be done please without a big court fight which had to happen just to place the children with some relief from how they have to live.
Court cases ( fights) are exhausting when there is a child that knows what they want.
With a residency such as this with only 1 extra night at parents 2 each week the residency is 4 nights a month away from 50/50.
Is this enough to block a house move?
I havent read any answers on here only questions, i can but only hope for a reply please.
I am the rare father that has the majority of care for our child. He lives with me full time and is due to start infants in September.
His mother is asking for a 50/50 arrangement when before now it's been every other weekend.
I live in Ringwood and she lives Salisbury which is a 40 min drive on a good day.
She doesn't drive so is reliant on buses or lifts. Please help, I've said that it would be impossible with that much travelling and the ability to get to school on time.
I want my son week on week off at the moment as not working during this crisi
Sharon
Please can anyone answer the following question if possible. I currently live around 25 miles away from my children. For the past 3 years I have driven and picked my kids up from their moms every Friday and have taken them back either on the Saturday evening or sunday morning, however, with the latest news and rules set out by the government over the coronavirus, it explains that I would not be able to pick my kids up for the next 3 weeks plus. I am not a key worker, but can anyone confirm if there is something I can do to get around this matter?
My question is should i actually need to be paying anything if we are sharing child care and sharing costs for after school clubs, uniform, clothing, food etc
any advice gladly accepted
thanks
The mother and I agreed to go 50/50 child custody. So I have to rent a bigger house.
My question is: who is going to get the housing benefit and the child benefit? How is the state benefits is going to work between us?
Thanks
I'm in a little bit of a situation and could really do with some advice.
Last year we had a 8 month trial as ex wouldnt let me see daughter. All alligations you could think of were made against me and these were cleared.
My ex is very unique and doent appreciate we both are parents to our daughter.
I was awarded every other weekend and one after school until drop off and half of all school holidays.
This arrangement has been working for a year and me daughter want more time together but ex is determind to reduce contact.
Daughter is nearly 5. I would really like joint care so that i could be more involved but ex seems to be very awkward and so our daughter is missing out this.
I've set up mediation but fear it will go to court. If it does no doubt ex will dv and get legal aid and cafcass will pause my contact.
Is there much point of going to court? In anyones experiance has awarded time been reduced. With me and my exs lack of relationship would shared care be concidured?? Or am i hoping to fight a loosing battle?
Any advice appreciated
-do young teenager daughters reunite with their dads positively after periods of total cut-off at their choosing lasting at least half/three-quarters of a year (or longer)?
- if they do reunite how did it happen and who played the key role/s?
- any positive outcome restoring contact with children aged 13 and 14 even if they tell CAFCASS they don't want it with one parent?
- do CAFCASS consider slapping/smacking on an in frequent basis like mine (on average once a year and within the definition of Children's Act 'lawful chastisement' which I hasten to add would never happen again anyway) insufficient grounds for children aged 13 and 14 to separate from one parent who they clearly had a loving relationship with?
-Is the least I would be granted by a court some kind of newsletter from the mother (or preferably the girls themselves) about how my daughters are getting on?
- have courts instructed children in similar situations to be supported by the parent they are with (or any third party) to engage in talks, or reconnecting in some way, with their Dad to restore the positive relationship they had?
For info - I was an active loving father both before and after my separation from my children's mother 7 years ago. After that I positively co-parented my 2 lovely daughters (just turned 13 and 14) successfully from the date of separation with their mother until earlier this year when first the older one then the younger one cut off completely from me. Their mother says this is due to a slap I gave each of them for fighting terribly in the back of the car around New Year and which they have retained a strong anger about, but I only have her word on that. I have tried to write to my girls but no response and when I tried speaking with their mother she refused to help them reconcile the situation with me and has since insisted I communicate only through solicitor's letter to her and has refused to attend mediation so preventing any re-connection between the girls and I so far.
This is very bemusing and deeply upsetting for me as my daughter's mother has always acknowledged that I am a good dad. Right up until she stopped communicating with me she said the girls would get back in touch but its now 8 and 4 months respectively and not a word from them. Everyone always says I am a good dad and have a very positive and loving relationship with my daughters and I am very open about my parenting.
I had managed to keep communication with their mother relatively amicable for these last 7 years despite her vexacious texts and repeated claims that I was to blame for the break-up even though it was completely her choice. I have always given all my love to my kids but there were a few occasions when their behaviour was unacceptable and regrettably I slapped them (on the legs). I am not proud of this but believe it wa
So I'm only allowed to see them twice week, when before it was 3-4 times a week, all because I couldnt have kids over night on my oldest daughter a birthday because i was at work early the next day, but she says it because the kids need routine which is a lie, she just annoyed because I couldnt have them over night, any advice would be appreciated
When she left the family home in London under false pretences. She claimed she wanted to move, as she did not get on with my mother. I started looking in the Northampton area as asked by her, I also placed an transfer request at work while we were looking. So she left the house on 27/9/15 Stating that she would go to Coventry to her sisters and stay there while we still looked. I was meant to join her a week or so later. Before this she had packed all her and my son belongings and placed them in storage that only she had access to. On the 2/10/15 I rang her and she told me she did not want to be with myself and more and wanted a divorce, well as you can imagine I was taken back a bit as I was not expecting this. From that moment she made it quite difficult for myself to see my son and was being very secretive. At one point she had agreed for me to see my son but when I drove to Coventry from London she was not answering her phone and was not at her sisters in Coventry. Eventually I managed to see my son and she then told myself she was moving from Coventry but did not tell me where to. While all of this had been going on I had found out she was seeing someone else half her age from her work place and they had both left work at the same time in September 2015.
We then attend mediation and I got her to agree on a shared custody agreement. Then I found out she had moved to Nottingham in Oct 2015. So I looked online and moved there by 7/12/15. We now have a court order stating our shared agreement.
But she has now told me she wishes to move back to Coventry and I applying for full custody as she no longer want to live in Nottingham and wants to be closer to her family.
IS there anything anyone can suggest to help me in this situation many thanks.
KC
In around 10 years i have only had half of one summer holiday. All other holidays the mother does not allow our son to come stay. She takes all holiday periods to herself even with our son begging to spend time with me.
For all these years i have paid maintenance and spend extra on suppllying half for school uniforms, shoes and clothes. The mother and I donot meet on the same page ever as I am more concerned that she and her mother are always telling our son he is not allowed to spend any more time with me even though my son is begging. This behavour has made me so ill. For 8 months i have been suffering with severe depression and have not worked. It is affecting my now marriage and our financial stability as i have become so unwell I cannot find the wood through the trees.
My ex does not see that my son's mental wellbeing is being destroyed by her not allowing my son to have one of his wishes. He has told me himself, unprovoked, that he has given up even asking his mother as he knows the answer. He is starting to suffer with depression too at 11 years old. I wished i knew how to work this out. His mother is abusive toward me whenever i raise the issue as my son is an emotional wreck when he stays now.
I'm being dared to take it back to court by her. She is stating she will put this to rest once and for all and i will see our son less because any judge will see i'm not financially suppotive. Its a joke. Equality in men and women with a child is not there. I had always without fail paid her maintenance until i waas placed on medication due to this mess.
I separated from my ex-wife in 2014, and was divorced in 2015. I re-married in 2017.
We have two daughters, 11 and 13, and we joint parent them. They are with me every Tuesday, and every other weekend (Friday-Sunday) and every other Thursday (When not my weekend). When they're with me they are living with me not staying with me, they have a bedroom, their own things, toys, clothes etc...no different as they do at their Mum's house. We both take responsibility for decisions, and school stuff, like parents evenings etc..Although I obviously don't see them every day anymore, i'm no less involved with them than I was when their Mum and I lived together.
I earn a bit more than their Mum, but she gets all the Benefits relating to them and from the settlement has no mortgage to pay (whereas I am now renting). It feels unfair that she can afford to put money aside and go on several holidays a year, whereas we haven't had a holiday in three years, and often struggle just to have enough food and petrol to live on.
My question is, given that we are both active parents, both feed and clothe them at our respective homes, why is it that I have to pay maintenance to my ex, leaving me at times so broke that we lack for the basics?
All i got was the buisness end of school nursery etc and she got the quality end. She kept alternating changeover days and here and there refused to pay for school activities if it were not her 'day'. Most activities were on my end.
I decided then week about and gave her notice of change and agreed to assist taking the children to and from school if it were an issue. She does not want to change as she has helpers take kids to and from school thursday takes Friday off and has quality leisure time.
She says if i persist with week about she will refuse me access to children. Can She?
Thank you for the clear article.
I am a separated dad of a wonderful 3 years old daughter. I have her from Saturday 5.30 until Tuesday morning each week.
Next September she will start school. Her mum wants me to have my daughter 1 weekend on 2. Means that I will have her 4 days a month!
Compare to the time we have to gether now, it is a massive drop!
How can a judge decide that?
What are the risk that I lose my daughter?
I'm really upset by this as I want to be part of her life and not just a babysitter!
I ask the question why is it better a child spends more time with one parent (usually the mother over the father)?
And why can't a child be cared for by both parents?
I have not yet heard a valid answer.
I hope the law will change soon as many fathers and children are suffering an injustice.
Around a year ago my and my partner split up, she left or home and left me with a two bedroom flat to run by myself, her reason for this was a) she has somewhere else to go to b) she wanted a stable place for me to have where I can have my daughter every weekend Saturday - Monday or Friday - Monday depending on what the mothers needs are for that week.i work part time to accommodate the time I spend with my daughter every weekend but only recieve a deducted rate of housing benefit as in there eyes I’m only entitled to a one bedroom flat and therefor reduce my housing benefit due to the bedroom tax, is this right?! Surely having my daughter EVERY weekend since the split up, 3 or 4 days a week should effect this and I should get more help with the cost of rent and council tax?
Can it be arranged/agreed to have one house where the child/children live all the time and the mum and dad move in/out every week depending how much time is agreed to spend with the child/children?
Thanks
Jay
Thanks
Thinking that,as the court has allowed her to move,she’s automatically allowed to change her daughter’s shcool.But after finding a flat and paying for it ,she was told that her ex has to give his consent! SHe thought that she has only to tell him as he can always benefit of the alternate weekends!
I wonder if she moves and applies for an emergency issue in the court meanwhile,will that be against her or not !
Is there any possibility she can change her daughter’s school without the father’s consent
My issue is, we live about 80 miles apart. I left her the marital home and everything in it to be able to keep my son in a stable home. I live with my parents. Im About to move in with my gf and her 2 toddlers, its an hour and half drive min. Now, if i get overnight i can only co.mit to monday and tuesdays. My job is long hours and every weekend. Head chef. 14 to 16 hr days.
If i get overnight, needless to say my son will be with myself my partner and her 2 kids in our home 80 miles away, i dont know what happens to schooling. He turns 3 next march. He will.attend nursery 3 hours a day. Which 3 hours i dont know my ex wont even tell me which nursery he will be going to or where his day care is etc or even his shoes size....
Can nursery be split between 2? The way itl play is i could pick my son up at 3.15pm on the monday but id need to drop him back off for 12.15 the next day..... or pick him up at 12.00pm and drop him back at nursery at 9.15am the next day....neither is even 24 hour hours with him.
What do people do in these cases.. i could drop him on day 2 at 9.15 and wait 3 hours somewhere and hope i dont get wet or cold but its not ideal.
Any suggestions???
Thanks
I am the registered father and they bare my surname. Also i coverted to the islamic faith and my wife also. My kids were born in Doha. It states on the birth certificate that they are muslim and so is the mother.
Contact
I see them every weekend from friday to sunday and also for a few hours each wednesday.
My wednesday contact has now been cut and i fear my weekend contact will soon follow.
My children dont really want to go home and get very upset when its time to go.
Religion
Also she is going back to her old self and fèeding my kids pork. Although i respect orher cultures and religions i have my own principles. I wish my children to grow up with the same values and understanding as myself. From birth they were muslims.
Custody
Although we live in seperate towns they are in the same county and i live only 20 mins away. I live with my family and a stable home.
I want joint custody as it is important i am in my boys life as an active parent. I feel any mediation will be blocked by her.
What are my chances of getting joint custody.
Do you have any statistics on the likelihood of a shared care order being granted?
My boyfriend is currently battling for this and it goes to a contested hearing later this month.
The mother has been difficult all along and refused to attend mediation twice, has claimed abuse (we suspect to take advantage of legal aid) up until the point cafcass got in touch.
We have asked for no more than we feel is fair, although we would love to have his child full time, but I’m nervous about his court date as his solicitor told him that shared care is pretty much down to the whim of the judge hearing the case and their feelings. What if the judge is one of those who believe the child belongs with the mother? And what options are there for us if we get much less than we’re happy with?
What are my rights regarding seeing my children during school holidays. They live with my ex wife, we have joint responsibility. I see them over a weekend every fortnight as we live 100 miles apart. I have requested that they spend half of all school holidays with me but my ex is threatening to restrict the amount of time I see them during school holidays to much less.
I'll see how it goes and keep you posted
Only accept court papers saying I have shared custody or child benefits to allocate me extra bedrooms as they don't recognise shared custody! Any one got any advice on how to fight this! I have letters off the children's mum stating I have shared custody! But it feels like I am being discriminated against it is the year 2018 shared custody is very common! Why dose the uk government not recognise shared custody!
I expect my ex to disagree as she is basically decided not to work, she is now remarried and a baby is due immenently.
So tr question is.
IWhat can I do if she refuses to let me have him one more night and have him equally?
You should be very aware of the consequences of an arrangement such as this:
The reality is (and I do speak from experience). The resident parent will be in receipt of
Child Maintenance
Child Benefit
Wage (if working)
Working Tax Credits
Child Tax Credits
and possibly further government assistance.
The above payments are paid entirely to the resident parent with the exception of Child Maintenance where the payer can expect a reduction if they operate on a 1/7, 2/7, 3/7 time basis - so if you have them 51 or 103 nights a year, you will in effect be paying the other parent for children while in your care for up to 51 nights per year.
Also, the most expensive times are to have your children are of course the weekends and holidays, which I can assure any prospective person (gender neutral perspective here) that this arrangement is very unfair to the non resident parent who will probably be struggling to maintain a relationship with the children, without this extra and unfair financial pressure (who may also has lost their home in the process).
My suggestion for anybody facing such an arrangement, which unfortunately seems to have become a default order. Is firstly, to hopefully come to your own private arrangements, or to ask for a more proportionate contact arrangement, such as 2/7 of weekends, 2/7 of term time and of course 2/7 of holidays. or even if a financial arrangement can be achieved to address the disproportionate distribution of funds.
The children deserve to be cared for on an equal basis or at least fairly by both parents.
Good luck and I would be interested if anybody has had any court judgements that considered this?
I have attended mediation and my wife did not respond.
My wife has only stated she has had professional advice to not allow over night stays as it can have many issues with my daughter.
No actual concrete reasons to why coincidently she sent this email the day after a financial disagreement.
Thank you for your reply it has put my mind at ease.
Me and my wife have been separated now for three months in this time she has allowed me to see my daugther and have my daughter over night.
However after a dispute over finances she then sent me a email stating that she will no longer allow my daughter to stay with me over night and I can only see her once every two weeks. She stated in her email that she has spoke to professionals and they have informed her that allowing my daughter to stay with me over night can cause MANY issues for my daughter.
I was wondering if what she is stating is true would “care professional” tell my wife such things as stated above?
I have already contacted my solicitor to start court proceedings.
Regards
Amit
I have had them with me for about 50% of the time including overnights since their mothers death, I have been keeping a record. We have a schedule of when I have them, which for the most part is kept to. They have bedrooms both at their dads and my home. I also do most of the school/health appointments, school runs, clubs etc.
Currently I have absolutely zero legal/parental rights, which I would like to change. This is a joint custody arrangement in all but name, I am their parent, in all but name, and I want it to be made legal. How do I go about doing this:
1, if dad agrees, and as I doubt he will;
2, without his agreement.
If you have a joint care agreement, does that mean you can both apply as main carers for tax credits?
So now she's aiming 50-50, custody.
My concerns are, can they kick my son out of the house. Even though he's had girls there as single parent. And he's doing a great job please give me your thoughts on this, thankd
I’m in a real predicament and need some advice. I gained an access order for my daughter 10 years ago that gives me roughly 8 days a month. However it’s been fluid for that time and would say I have her closer to 12 days a month depending on school holidays etc. Over the last few years my ex partner has become more and more ‘neglectful’ From not bothering to take her to any of her chosen activities because she’s ‘too busy’, not being able to cope with being a mum meaning she stays at my daughters nans house in a double bed shared by 3 of them or my daughter sleeps on a sleeping bag on the floor (she is 11 by the way) and when they do stay at their flat she feeds her complete rubbish the flat is full of damp, condensation and freezing cold coz she can’t afgird the heating bills, to now sending her to a terrible school when I have one of the best schools in the country on my doorstep and it’s just out of spite towards me. So over the last few months my daughter has approached me saying she wants to do a week at mine and a week at her mums, but her mum refused to even discuss it, my daughter said she wanted to attend the school close to me her mum again refused to discuss it. My daughter asked me to take the matter to court yet 2 days after returning back to her mums has now decided she dosnt want to see me anymore leading to her mum breaking the court order and picking her up from school early without my knowledge. I havnt seen or spoke to her since (2 weeks ago) so I am now lookjng at going back to court to seek a change to the order granting me shared custody and placing her in my local school. I’m doing it with a heavy heart as my daughter already has been and will continue to be in he middle. However her mother is both unable and unwilling to give her the quality of life she both deserves and is able to get being with me. She has refused mediation and any form of negotiations. My questions are what is the likelihood of the judge changing the order and me getting what I seek? Is it worth the heartache it will undoubtedly cause my daughter if the chances of change or very small? And finally has the courts stnace changed in recent years as I found it so ‘mother’’ Orientated 10 years ago even though my daughters life would have been far better with me. Thanks in advance
I’m the main one who cares for our son, he spent limited time with him since he was born
What are my rights
any advice or similar experience would be greatly appreciated.
I have a 6 year old son with my ex partner, I have him 6 nights out of every 14. I am on the housing register for a 1 bed property but the council refuse to upgrade that to a 2 bed property unless i can prove that i have joint custody. When i eventually get a property 1 bedroom will not be adequate for a myself and a growing boy so id like it changed as i'm waiting anyway. Does anybody have anything that can help me. The ex partner was given a brand new house within weeks of the seperation (standard) and after several months of not coping with my mortgage payments my house was sadly repossessed.
cheers
He has been trying to get a solicitor to assist with his case and has applied for legal aid.
He eventually received a letter from them today saying that he was entitled to up to £4000 of legal aid but that he would be liable for approx £11000.
My son is now very, very upset as this sum is ludicrous in the extreme and being on a very, very low wage well outside his ability to pay or even consider.
Can you give me an idea of the realistic potential cost of attempting to get some access to his daughter.
I say its for my son and that is true but myself and my wife really want to see our granddaughter as well.
My boy will be 3 years old in April, I have not seen him since he was 9 months old.
Prior to that I was with him everyday.
I most likely won’t begin to see him until after May.
My question is will he know who I am, what a dad is? How will Cafcass help in this area?
Thank you
I have a court order in place whereby my ex has residency but we have a 50:50 split with the kids same days every week that has been in place since 2012. I didnt dispute this at the time as my concern was the 50:50 contact split. Neither of us have deviated from this but she is now planning to move 5 hours away. Kids are 8 and 13.
This is not acceptable for me and I am wondering how the courts may view this and if I would be best to seek joint residency or to apply for a prohibited steps order?
Thanks
Thanks
We have tried a few different rotars but the one we've found works best for the girls is Friday to Sunday alternate weeks then she has them Monday and Tuesday every week and I have them Wednesday and Thursday every week so it keeps a routine.
Oh and Skype is a single parents blessing!
Hope this is of some help to someone I know these are very hard times to get through.
me and my wife have agreed shared custody of our son. she is not willing to give me her address where she will be havingvmy son on her agreed days. we have separated due to breakdown in marriage. no court orders no violence or anything has happened. i just feel i have the right to know where my sons other home is with his mother. she has my address.
hope someone can clear this up for me
All of a sudden she's decided to change his routine and saying I can only have him 2 nights a week and for tea one other night.
Can she do this? What's to stop me saying the same things to her? I don't get where I stand on the matter legally
They got back together and now after 3 years it’s not working too well( and they moved to Spain 2 years ago)
Does it mean that the english court order still stands after 4 yrs and being back together 3 and in Spain for 2 .
As my son wants to have her full time if he can
Many thanks
My concern is I get no financial support even though I have my daughter nearly half of the week including one full day at the weekend. My daughter has her own bedroom including a wardrobe at mine and I am expected to contribute to other aspects of my daughters life-most birthday parties are on a Sunday, school uniform etc.
My ex also changed my daughters school without consultation which I thought was wrong.
Should applying for custody be an option for me?
My Son & His exgirlfriend split up recently and they came to a verbal agreement that he would have his Daughter (who is 18 months old) from Sunday morning until Tuesday night.Recently she has rescinded on this arrangement and demanded that he only has her on a Saturday & Sunday from 9.30am until 5.30pm.He declined this demand and when he went to collect his Daughter as normal of the Sunday morning she refused to open the door or answer any of his calls or text messages.He has had no contact with his daughter in over two weeks.Please can someone advise what course of action he should take.
Thanks
Garry
I want to apply foe joint custody to protect my legal rights and my future contact with them. She has said no in case she wants to move in future. She claims the child benefit and tax credits and does not help me out although she does buy clothes and pay the childcare fees, after this she has 400 left over a month. even though I am starting from scratch as I left her everything when I moved out.
Would applying for joint custody be worthwhile? Would a judge decide if I would be considered primary carer? I have spoken to amediator but I just want to get the MIAM and go to court as she would not be willing and it is also not legally binding and she could change her mind at any rime
Many thanks
Also does anyone have any advice or experience about applying for joint custody?
Thanks much appreciated
my ex refuse contact. he is using our 10years old daughter as a messenger.
he told her he is going away and wi see her on wednesday instead of thursday.. ( the days he decided to see her are tuesday. thursday and sunday. 3hrs each)
its not the first time i have to cancel our plans so she get to see her dad. and so he can go on holidays.. he always wait the day before if not the same day to let me know.
i had my first meeting with a mediator but he hasnt.. he doesnt call mediator back even so she send letter and called him..
what are mh next step?if i were to aske for sole physical residency would i get it?
we have been separated 18 monthd and not once as he ask for her to spend a night..
i am totally at lost.. i am the primary carer( drop at school and pick up from school. i make all the dentist/doctor appointments. i organise childcare when needed. since started school in september he only had her 18 hrs( 8.30 till2.30) on a half term but he has been taking about 10 days off so far for him to go on hokidays..
i please advice. thanks.
Does anyone know how many nights a week I could have them in order to possibly get an extra room?
I have thought about going private but I had a stroke after the breakup and had to go on sickness benefits so I can't afford it unfortunately.
Thanks in advance.
I have a current contact order in place whereby I see my daughter 4 days / 3 nights in every 10. I recently asked the courts to extend this to 50/50, the relationship between the mother and I is acrimonious at best to the point whereby she argues everything to the Nth degree. This has led to the court appointing a guardian from CAFCASS this is worrying as previously i have only seen them almost acting on my ex partners behalf. Will the guardian be a normal CARCASS officer or are they specific to that role, when the talk to my child will they take into consideration that mum manipulates her into saying what she wants and surely there would be a
human rights issue if they denied me 50% access to my child without very good reasoning. I am going for this access as it is as much as I can around working and as a direct result of bringing stability to my little girls life. We live within 5 miles of each other.. I know this is sometimes raised when arguing these cases.
Many thanks
Lee
After separating I was the main carer of my daughter however she started really missing her dad and complaining that she hardly sees him. In my country it's quite common to share custody equally and I have offered to try it out till end of September. So we agreed a week here and a week there. Though it's early days It seems to work well. She seems more relaxed, less tensed.
If we make it permanent my ex will need to move as at the moment they are sharing a room at his mum house and if they move he would like to claim housing benefit. I work part time and renting our home too. I receive some housing benefit, child tax credit and the childcare element of the working tax credit. What I read online it seems to me that child benefit and tax credit cannot be claimed by both parents. Is it correct? Can Housing benefit be claimed by both of us?
Also how do I go about taking my ex parnter to court
For weekends
For joint custody
Costs
And just general information please.
I split with my ex 4 years ago...my 2 kids live with him, due to me working shift patterns, it's not feasible for them to live with me full time.
Anyway, I currently have them every other weekend and during the holidays. My days off aren't set, so it's been hard work trying to get the weekends off, swapping jobs and using lieu days, whereas he works monday - friday, 9-5!! But now, my shift pattern has changed as I've changed jobs. Ive shown him a copy of my new shift pattern which is a 9 week rolling pattern. My ex is now saying that it's not acceptable and won't budge from the alternate weekends, even tho my new shift pattern means I can see my kids more, albeit during the week. There are some occasions where my days off fall over the weekend, but there are also some that are during the week.
Is he being unreasonable?
Where do I stand with this?
Can anyone offer some words of wisdom please as I'm struggling with this.
Thanks in advance.
Sorry I've just realised that this is separated dad's forum...whereas I'm a separated mum, although I hope this doesn't make a difference..
I split from my ex wife 3 years ago. I custody of one of my 4 children 1 of which has recently returned to my ex wife based on his wishes.
As it stands she has agreed a court order after a 3 year battle. 142 nights to child maintenance service and now trying to backtrack to 87 nights to a private arrangement.
I have my children 150 nights. My ex is claiming 8000 of benefits tax credit child benefit which is technically for my shared care how can I challenge it.
It costs me 80 a month in fuel for contact I have asked for a variation to ensure this cost is reimburst but I need a court order to ensure tax credit and child benefit is equally shared. Does anyone what I need to do?
Myself and my ex split in February we have two children a 6 year old daughter (who is not biologically his but he has had her name changed by deedpoll) and a 3 year old son who is his. He was paying me £50 a week for both (which isn't much but I was fine with it) he stopped pating me for 3 weeks then I finally got the 150 and he has now decided to cut it from 50 to 30 a week between them... even after we had a talk and I disagreed with the idea.....as I am now a single mother....who is classed as being homeless with 2 children i just dont have a clue what to do so I was just wondering if you had any advice you could offer x
My daughter is two in June and I've been asking to have her more and particularly over night. Before we split I was doing night feeding, nappy changing and bathing whenever I was home and I still do all these with her now. My ex will not allow overnight still.
I went to a mediator but my ex dragged it out so long my mediator advised to try other means and I have contacted solicitors who have contacted ex with a draft proposal of contact arrangements which she has rejected.
I work four days on four days off constantly over the entire year and have proposed having my daughter for three of my days off including the nights between. My ex solicitors keep saying that my daughter needs 'stability' which I fail to see my plan doesn't provide. My solicitor has come up with a one night in the week and every other weekend which is impossible for me and in my opinion is less stable.
I do all pick ups and drop offs and I pay more than I am liable for as I wanted my daughter to go to nursery for her social well being.
All signs point to me losing even more if I go to court. Is there any chance of being awarded shared custody or is it pointless to ask?
This does.not seem fair. She has the house . Child maintenance and also my child maintenance. Surely to god if it's a split in parenting tight down the middle and she earns good money why should I have to prop her up. ? I pay for food nappies everything when he is over here on top of the 200 I give. Her. So in fact it's probably close to 300 a month instead of 200. Surely this is wrong and against everything that split parenting should be about ???
I don't know what the issue is. He's the children's father and is perfectly entitled to see them 50/50. If he has parental responsibility, then there is nothing your partner can do to prevent him and the police will not get involved without a Child Arrangements Order. It is your opinion that the current arrangements give 'continuity', but from the sounds of it, not the father's. I am afraid that the refusal of your partner not to provide any flexibility is not responsible parenting and would be viewed dimly. Cafcass and the courts support flexibility under shared care arrangements. On the face of it, your partner is likely to be the route cause of an Application to the court by the father. It disgusts me when I hear stuff like this. She doesn't own the kids and didn't make them herself, so has no right to deny access under the thin veil of 'continuity '.
Either be flexible and stop seeking CMS by way of frustrating access or get prepared for litigation. Unless there is safeguarding issues, courts or more willing to issue Shared Care Arrangements and where both parents can cover half the care, 50/50 is becoming more common. Between me and my ex, her unreasonableness has cost in excess of £30k in litigation, only to end up with the same shared care 50/50 split we had before.
I suggest she puts aside her own CMS claims and lack of flexibility or get ready to go to court.
I feel like she's taking advantage of me and using our child as a weapon, while she socializes with her new boyfriend & uses money that should go to our child on her social life.
Alternative question this one!!! I am living with my new partner for over a year now and she has two Children.
Her ex husband is completely disagreeable however they have a good childcare arrangement at the moment where the children stay every Tuesday and Wednesday evening and every other weekend with the father. This gives the children good continuity and good contact with both parents.
The father however is ALWAYS trying to change the evenings and days that he has them and my partner has refused and stood firm because she is adamant that a set routine is what is best for the children.
Our house is their registered "primary carer" home as they spend the majority (slightly) of their time here and are registered with Dr, Dentist, etc here.
My partner recently applied for CMS payments as nothing has been forthcoming in the least 12 months since the seperation and the ex husband has tried to argue with the CMS that he is the primary carer. Even changing contact details at their school to a doctors surgery that they weren't even registered at near to his home! (Dangerous)
The ex husband is constantly accusing my partner that he is being denied access to his children. This is clearly not the case as they have a good arrangement in place at the moment, albeit he keeps trying to change it. My thoughts are that he is doing this to prove he is the primary career has the children 50/50 to avoid CMS payments.
My partner has asked he ex husband to attend Mediation service and he has refused. Twice.
My partner is petrified that he will take her to court to get a 50/50 legally binding agreement and my question is will be able to do this. Will the court take this case seriously and would a court award such an order in these circumstances???
Thank you.
My ex has heavy involvement with social services due to mental health issues and several incidents involving the police and drink.
She uses the children as a weapon against me and will make a issue out of nothing.
She has told me that she has got a barrister for the court hearing and that after the barrister has finished with me she and the children won't have to deal with me at all.
I have nothing to hide and have nothing derogatory against my name.
I only want contact to see my children.
Do you think it will be wise to arrange for a barrister myself.
Ive read also that the court can also award something you don't expect.
I'm happy for contact or full custody but am worried about about joint custody because the children would be stuck in a battle field she's totally unreasonable likes making false allegations and I would end up paying for everything.
She lives with the children in my home I live 50 miles away and am staying with my mum and can't afford to buy or rent a place nearer to her.
Is it possible the court could consider this and tell me that I have to move nearer
I'm separated with the mom of my child since the beginning of 2017 (not married). I found a house for me and my daughter since three weeks.
I have her 3 nights a week and two full days.
I want to be able to provide for everything when she is with me and be sure that she understand that she's got two houses.
I pay child maintenance, but the minimum because my incomes are not high. I wanted to ask for a child tax credit but my ex did it already.
She's got around £500 or £600/ month plus her salary and my child maintenance.
She earn double of my incomes.
Is there anyway that she has to share the child tax credit with me ?
And the fact that I have her 3 nights a week, is it a shared custody or considered as a weekly contact ?
There is no mediation or court involved for the moment it is an agreement between her mom and me.
Thank you
This causes huge friction and now i at the stage of having to say to the children that all these tings they do or want to do are going to have to stop.
She claims every benefit going inc housings even though we share equal time.
Can i get this in forced in court that she has to pay half insted of drinking the money away in the pub
I'm wondering now if it is worth me seeking Joint / Shared custody of my boys (aged 10 and 12) as for the weeks we have them we do the shcool run, we fill out school club forms, consent letters, etc. Plus if i did apply for it, would it mean i pay less CMS payments, and is there anything she can do to stop me getting it. Bearing in mind the kids have a very happy dual home lifestyle and have been living it for almost a year... Many thanks for any assistance on this,
Although the split was his decision, we remained amicable and made our own arrangements regarding his access to our son.
His father picks him up from school on a Monday and Wednesday and puts him to bed in my home. He also has him Friday evening to Sunday evening every other weekend when he takes him to stay at his parents or girlfriends.
My ex now wishes to keep my soon over night at his place on a Monday and Wednesday - which means I'll not have my son a further two mornings a week.
I feel that our current arrangement is sufficient and reasonable - where do I stand with this matter? I really do not want to lose any further time with my son! Ex does not appreciate my view and is adamant he will have 50:50 access. Advise much appreciated.
Where abouts a court can set time and days in stone?
Thank you.
What constitutes a non resident parent. How many days a week minimum please?
My partner and I split up several years ago. I voluntarily pay her maintenance not via CAS based on the child support calculator, but we have an informal agreement in place to share custody, I actually have the children more often that her due to her shift work. Despite the fact I pay her full maintenance and have the children more than 50% of the time, she still seems to be able to pick and chose when she wants the kids and when not, which does cause stress within my new relationship. is there anything I can do legally (without huge cost) to assist the situation?
But my ex is unpredictable, now she is in a new relationship , I pay her well above the CSA
In maintenance ,and pay for all clothes school trips etc, I would like to make this legal,
Also would this entitle me to a bigger council flat , as we have to all share a small one bed flat and they are a boy and girl,and I don't go through CSA, the money I pay is in cash and bank transfers to her account ,I want to legalise everything ,how do I go about it as I said my ex can be unpredictable and has already reneged on verbal agreement we had about our former property costing me lots of money resulting in me living in a one bed council flat
We were not married
I wont go into the full ins and outs of my divorce what has happenend. But straight to the problem.
My ex lives in the UK with my 3 kids, I moved abroad to Germany to live with my new partner (who I met after my ex and I split up).
Long story short. I would like for my kids to be in a position to come and visit me here, over the last 2 years I have been visiting them once a month ( on 2 occasions I had a 3 month and a 4 month period where I did not see them which was down to my ex being awkward)
I would be happy to come over and pick the kids up for a week or 2 during holidays but she's not allowing it. Here in Germany there is a law that the person living abroad has the right for their kids to visit at his or her home...
Is there such a thing in the UK?
Thanks
So my female partner of 16 months left our family home with our 3 month old baby in July 2016. She had called the police one night after a basic disagreement and I woke up to find them at my front door....
I was arrested for common assault but released after 7 hours with no charge due to lack of evidence....as it never happened
I returned home to an empty house my partner, child & lots of my belongings gone.
This experience has hit me so hard because we were extreamly happy & in a brilliant place with our new baby-every day she was telling me how happy she was.
She has now moved 70 miles from our family home to her parents home & I am travelling there twice a week to see our child, she is allowing me 1-2 hours per visit with my baby and not including me in any decisions for our child future, I am paying for food, milk, clothes toys-the total cost of the baby's development but feel my contact with the child at such a great distance away.
I am awaiting a contact order to go into place in December, her parents are very controlling and telling her exactly how to play things in order to make my life very difficult, but is there anything I can do to increase my contact with my daughter? Thanks in advance
I wonder if I can get a little information as this topic seems as straight forward as a rubix cube!
I split with my ex-partner around 6 months ago due to her cheating.
We have a 3 year old boy together and I've been in his life since day one and my name (as well as the exes) is on the birth certificate.
Our son spends most of his time with me as she likes to be out drinking, partying and shopping. I have my son 4 nights per week, sometimes 5 nights per week and when it comes to taking him to his mother's he cries to stay with me.
I don't claim any benefits for my son, his mother gets them all, but it's not about the money for me. I'd like to know where I stand with claiming custody?
Thanks guys.
I was with my ex partner for 9 years, we never got married and we had a beautiful daughter which is almost 8 yo now, both of us are in the birth certificate.
I have been heavily involved in my daughter growing as the mum used to work night shifts, so I took care of her overnights, school and everything else, also I'm Italian and she has been 11 times in Italy even under the grandparents supervision only in summer time only and she speaks fluently Italian.
We recently split up with the mum and my daughter asked me to spend more days with me which because the mum refuse to listen me or either my daughter I took a solicitors and going to court.
I attended mediation and the mum didn't, I got a lawyer and the mum will represent herself, Cafcass got involved but as no welfare concerns where raised from either of us they cannot be involved but they seems positive the fact that I kept contact with my daughter.
The mum involved my daughter in adult conversations, showing solicitors and court letters to her and I received treats from her family which have been recorded by police.
I have a new partner and I move to a bigger house to have an extra spare room for my daughter. I would be able to drop/pick her up from school and look after her as I live close to my daughter house and school. The mum is unable to drop/pick her up from school and she delegates relative family members and friends and childcare and she denying me to drop/pick her up as she know I can claim contact costs with CSA (even though my daughter asked her lots of times that she prefers see me in the morning and get a lift by car rather than walking).
She said to Cafcass that she refuses share care and she would agree to alternated weekends and one night a week at mine which I don't accept as all the above reasons, but the main is that my daughter asked me to spend more time with me at my house and Im fighting for her wishes (got all on video while she asked me that) and to bring her to holiday to Italy without her mum permission as her mum doesn't want to send her there anymore to do something against my parents.
I got my first hearing in 2 weeks time, I spend almost 2K in lawyer and 1.7K to move house to be able to accommodate my daughter.
Will I have any chances to have share care for my daughter?
Please advise.
Thanks so much.
My ex has my daughter 3 nights one week and 4 the next week on set days. He has her the monday, wednesday, friday and every other sunday. So its 50/50 although due to the days he has her I actually have her more hours than he does because I have her the full saturday and he has her only the friday night. So is this actually 50/50 custody or more in my favour? I need some advice as he is refusing to pay maintenance.
Thanks
The article refers to "Research has determined that when children have experience of shared custody they have better relationships with both parents and are more satisfied with their lives".
Can you please send me references to that research so that I can use as part of my argument in mediation?
Thanks
I love my nephew, he is a wonderful, lovely kid ! He should get the best care, and his dinking, courising and aggressiv mom, is not good for him.
PLEASE, help. Every advice is helpful.
Thank you, and good luck to all dad´s fighting for their rights.
I have shared residency of my daughter who is due to start high school next year. I am desperately trying to find out why my name and address cannot be added on to the admissions data. My exwife is down as the primary address even though we have shared residency and my daughter lives with me for the same amount of time. On occasions when I do get copies of letters from the county council they have my ex wife's address on. I have pointed this out to the admissions department but they can only have one address on the system. I have never given my permission for my ex wife's address to be the primary one. I have lived at the same address for over 10 years and my ex has moved 6 times. My address is the more perminant and stable one. My daughter will need a bus pass for high school from my address but not her mothers, so if my address isn't registered on the admissions system I may not get a free bus pass for her. Does anyone out there know why the mother has to have priority and why can't my address be the priority one or both be on the system? No one seems to know any answers and I'm being passed from pillar to post. We both applied for her primary school place and will also apply for her high school place. So who gets the priority?????????????? Dads once again get second place to the mother!!!!
Recently she has requested maintenance from me, which I have re-proposed with shared residency, however due to her displeasure with my proposal she has threatened me with legal action to seek maintenance from me.
I have tried to communicate with her by phone and arrange sit down conversations, but this is increasingly been made difficult by her commitment to follow through.
As a responsible father to my daughter, how do I go about achieving shared residency, so that I can balance her care from myself and her mother?
There is no court order in place.
Can he just keep her?
Can I counter claim the child benefit... not so I benefit money wise but just so I am equal to the 'primary' parent leaving me with just as much right to make decisions for my daughter? because as it seems my word will be over heard just because she claims benefits which is ridiculous...
I have 50/50 shared care through court.
My daughter is coming up 3 and we need to decide what school she goes to.
Me and the ex are from different towns and have different views. We cannot agree on where our daughter goes. How do we manage ?
Also because I do not claim child benefit and the ex does, apparently that makes the mother the main parent ? how the heck does that work !
She also demands more money. I have been paying a child maintenance since we separated (300 Euro per month- as they were living in Spin) but she now demands more.
I would like to put a stop to it. Would you know whether i can seek some legal advice as to set the amount i need to pay her and establish the visits, etc.
Also is my wife's salary taken into account when calculating child maintenance.
Please help me I am at my wits end.
I have the following questions : 1) the Residence order states that I should claim benefits for A & B. Can the child benefit agency over ride the Residence order even though we share the care equally and pay my ex the child benefits.? 2) The Residence order specifies that my ex claims for C&D however they agreed that I was the main carer in writing to the Child benefit office who began paying me untill they stopped it when she changed her mind. I have contested this and they are re-investigating. Can they still give her the child benefit for C child who is not living with her .3) Can they pay her the child benefit even though she agreed for me to receive the child benefit for C & D. 4) Is the order still in force even if a child is not with her. Thankyou Sky
He is also not named on the birth certificate, what are the chances of him getting joint custody if he applies for PR and how can I prove he has a personality disorder.
When the children were much younger, I continued to pay for pension, and she used the time to complete further education courses while I looked after the children, so she could get a better job when children started school, which she did.
If I'm paying for shared costs for the children's clothes and everything else, what i'm I paying maintenance for? The only difference I can see if that my ex is a female, so she benefits from this gender. The children a more or less at both parents homes equally. So can I suddenly suggest I will receive maintenance for the children from her and child benefit.
I feel this is very wrong, I would never see my children go without, but I hate the thought my ex sitting comfortable and me being overdrawn every month. the system is wrong and very one sided.
over night weekend contact since the split and we live a 30 minute drive apart. I have shared xmas birthdays always seen myself to be fair. Will the courts grant him 4 days as I've received a solicitor letter with his requests but I've denied any change to the current arrangement. Child is 17months old and in a fantastic routine along with her 8 year old sister from a previous relationship.
Thankyou
My nearly 4 year old daughter has been living with myself and my ex wife. The situation has been that she since just over 1 has been living in the married house with either her mother or me her father.
My ex wife has a new partner who lives 100+ miles away. She is now pregnant and plans to move there.
With this there is no way I can get to see my daughter. I work Monday to Friday and by the time ive driven that 100+ miles its easily 8pm and her bed time. Also if I was to get her I wouldnt get home until Midnight.
Her 4 grandparents are here
Her aunty is here
Her nursery is here along with friends
Her childminder is here
She has mild ocd and needa routine and I know for a fact moving will upset her and unbalance her.
What can I do?
The daughter's going though a bit of a tough time with her extremely strict mum at the moment and also does not have an environment which is supportive in terms of support around her education. She often cooks for herself as well as doing a lot of household chores. Shes s great girl but we can see how hard she's finding things . We would really like her to stay with us more which her mum doesn't allow - and in that interest of the daughter we would like to consider joint custody. So she has a more stable home life and more support particularly in this time of GCSEs . She really wants to stay with us more but her mother won't let her so can you advise on how to apply for joint custody?
I'm wanting shared custody of my kids
We have them Friday night , Saturday night, and they go home on Sunday,
I beleive my ex's boyfriend isn't right to be around my kids so I am wanting to have them around me a lot more,
I have a good job and and good family to help me out, what the the chances of representing myself in court and winning, I don't beleive she will agree with it as she is more bothered about taking me to the cleaners for money..
Hope to hear from you soon ??
Thanks in advance
I want joint custody officially as I don't want her to be able to just chop and change as she feels like it, what chance would I have legally to get joint custody of him, there is no neglect issue from her or anything like that, I feel we are both good parents and both have great relationship with him, but issues between us has caused her to be vindictive at times.
Thanks
The only way I will get visitation is if the courts are involved what is the quickest and most reasonable and fair way about this ? I don't wanna come away with just the odd day here and there I want shared custody really.
Any help appreciated
Out of the house for 5 months with a mental health issue. I have looked after our 3 children with support from
in laws whilst she is staying at her friends house. She has decided she wants to be with the children. If this went to court, would I need to move out? I would also want joint custody.
We are looking for a divorce because my in-laws doesn't like me and they want dont want my husband to live with me. We have a 2 years old daughter. I never wanted to get seperated, but my hisband wants to do it and now he has decided to move into a new house. He wants to have my 2 years old daughter for 3.5 days a week but she is too young to leave with her father in a new house. Can you please let ,me know how to deal with this as my daughter is very young to live without me. I am happy to take full care of her as I am earning and can support my daughter
Do you think it is right if you have 50/50 shared care that you still pay the CSA?
If you have your child just as much as your partner, take them on holiday twice a year, pay for all their own things while with them etc...?
My partner and his ex wife split nearly 6 years ago and we have had his two boys every other weekend friday to sunday every sunday for 3 hours when its not our weekend then he takes them to football every wednesday night.
His ex has just this weekend threatened to take us to court and csa even tho we pay her 60 a week at her agreement straight into her bank never missed a payment, all because we got the dates mixed up and have booked to go away in march on our weekend to have the boys but said we would have them the weekend before and two weekends after, shes kicked off sending vile and abusive messages to me and my partner and stopped the boys from coming this weekend, im just wondering where she and we stand and if we could apply for joint cutody of them and if we did would we still pay full amout of maintinence etc.
And what we can do to see the boys?
Thanks
Thanks
I'm buying her out, she is going to rent a property/buy a new house.
We are cohabiting currently, and I'm supporting her and helping her find a home she's comfortable in.
I assumed we'd have joint custody. I have a very supportive, local family who assist with child care where necessary, and through the week I often stay at home whilst my wife goes out.
My wife has said she wants our daughter to live with her 5 days and me have her 2... but will be flexible to let me see her as often as I want.
She seems to be doing her best to cooperate, but I'm not sure whether this arrangement is best for our daughter.
The issue is, occasionally I work away...
Are my hands tied here?
Thank you
I have a joint custody order it took 2.5 years. I know that the mums will say anything in court to stop you seeing you kids. I was abusive alcoholic, drug addict etc. all involved court appearances tests etc. She is mentally ill and cannot cope with them. My kids are 3, 5 and 14.
she has social services round and the kids are known to them. On I go fighting to give them a proper home. There is no financial support for me. I can be homeless tomorrow and because I don't control the child benefit I am not a parent even though they live with me 50% of the time. I am going back in April to try for full custody providing I am not homeless. I cant work except part time as I get no say or help with child care. Its a constant battle . Social services will use you due to a lack of funding to get the kids away from a negligent mum. my kids are priceless so the 15k spent so far is worth it. Don't give up dads we are just as important and have a lot to offer. fight on.
my only question would be how many times do social services need to visit before someone says this is not right and go with a dad full time. the system is biased and the welfare system only sees child benefit as the way to get help including housing.
We are in a sexist society
In my experience even as a qual social worker it is only if a mother dies, walks away or commits a significant crime e.g.child abuse that the father is likely to have an opportunity to secure custody of their children. Furthermore fathers are essentially required to buy their children I as much as they are the ones that have to present their case in a court of law with associated legal fees yet the mother can immediately assume custody is hers.
Sorry dads you really do need to seek equity I the true and actual sense, women are always seeking more equality yet you as men and fathers are in my view discriminated against without question. I have to add I don't expect anyone to remain in a violent or abusive relationship but the dissolution of many relationships have nothing to do with such difficulties.
We hear frequently about the housing crisis yet no reference to the fact that each family these days needs 2 homes - mum and children in one with dad in another (if he can afford one) in order to spend time with his children.
i separated from my partner when my 2 boys were 1 and 2..
she moved away
i travelled 2 hrs each way on a friday every weekend to get them for the weekend..
this went on for a year or so..
then one day she stopped me seeing them.
she had a new partner who didmt like me omn the scene.. he tried to become daddy!! i didnt see my sons for months,, so i went through the courts and caffcass etc..
it took me months,, i was made out by her to be a violent animal.. they tried every story to deney me access, even calling me a peadophile because i bathed with my kids..
eventaully i was given every other weekend..
years have passed and she is with another new partner who unfortuantly is even worse,, a complete control freak,, he has even hoiyt my son who is now 10.. i went through the nspcc but nothing has happend.
i have moved within 5 miles of my boys now and see them every other weekend and a tues night..
i want more aaccess
maybe a thursday night,,, better still shared or full custordy... my dream is for the biys to live with me and eventually move to australia..
i was wondering if anyone knew the best way to get more access or full custordy and if i did could i move overseas with them... theres so unhappy at her home,, its awful
thx
In the last year I have met and fallen hopelessly in love with my new partner and the parental alienation that he is experiencing makes my heart break and blood boil. He has the kids (sometimes) every second weekend. She will not allow the kids to stay overnight. He rings the kids nightly at 7 which is the time agreed by both him and his ex wife yet the phone is always turned off. We sent her a list of 17 days that he could have the kids over the school holidays - she agreed to 4. Before the kids leave to go home they are hysterical and devastated wondering when they are going to see their father next. This is made even harder due to the fact that he used to be a stay at home dad.
I find it perplexing that the father has no power, no say and no choices in these situations. The woman holds all the power.
My heart bleeds for all you fathers out there that dearly want a relationship with your child and this bond is being jeopardized because of a bitter, hurt partner. Please don't give up and keep fighting for your right to have your kids because they are as much yours as they are your ex partners.
i would like to find out if a eight year old child can make her own decisions regarding contacts and residency?
So for the past 10 weeks my son and I have been staying at my parents a temporary move and I was granted interim custody, during this period myex lodged a complaint of historical assault (not true) and a bar report was carried out where again I raised all my concerns.
However when I read the bar report it was very obvious that the report favoured the mother as everything se claimed was written as fact and everything I claimed was alleged, during the interview we had a conversation about work where I said I liked working but was more than happy to be a stay at home father to my son and once he was of age of going to pre school I could look for part time work, this whole conversation was not submitted into the report other than it said I want to return to work, so on that the report favoured my ex and my son is now back with her, even though the sheriff has concerns about my claims.
my problem is now if I want to have shared residency of my son I have to find somewhere closer by to live and because my job demands long hours I now have to find a new job in that area and as was pointed out to me the less I work the more contact I can have, I feel as if I am being punished for working and earning money for my family, and after talking with a few people who have had bar reports it would seem that today these reporters still have the attitude that child is best with mother and the sheriff/judge should not rely on the report as they do, as in our case what was in the bar report contradicted nearly everything in her affidavit or was added to with great flourish and was put down matter of factually.
It has already been less than a wee since all this took place and already she is being awkward but as far as the court is concerned I have till the 7 jan to sort out a new home and work or sign on to benefit street. I went to court and told the truth and have evidence as well she went to court and lied and even with concerns of the sheriff she now has my son, this was our third time in court and twice before then the sheriff was in my favour, but because one person makes a decision, I feel now I am being punished.
Now I know its not wise to challenge a bar report and have read of people who have done and ended up having to pay damages to the reporter, but would it be worth while going for proof and if so would it be a different sheriff that wou
I've read the threads above and thought i would join in. I live in spain where both my wife and I used to live with our children. things went a little south financially, and I do believe she had a mental breakdown, the divorce was really messy, though it should not have been, partly due to her family and group of friends making things worse. Finally, I agreed that she could return to the UK with the kids and I was given joint custody. Since then, I have made sure I travel to the UK twice a month, and pay for flights, hotel, cars, food etc, which as you can imagine is not cheap - especially being paid in euros! However, I put my relationship first with my children, which has worked well. My children never wanted to live with their mother, as I was really the primary carer, but being a man, this was never a consideration. Since then things have not really gone very well, I do believe she has never fully recovered from her illness, though no one does anything about this, she has a fit every time my children ask me to intervene on their behalf over issues with either what she or her parents have done or made them do, she has recently taken up with a "character" who runs a pub, whose daughter is a stripper and lives in the pub and whose kids - well if they are not dealing drugs I would be very surprised. She refuses to speak about these issues as well, and he has threatened me on facebook! typical. Anyway, I have decided that I am moving back to the UK, as I tried to have this matter dealt with here in spain, and the judge threw it out of court as the kids are now living in the UK - a UK court would again take the womans side. I have realised that the law is sexist and being a man, you are looked upon as someone who is not able to look after your children, even if this is what they are asking for! Its absolutely absurd! So my question to the forum is this.
I am going to move to the UK, as it seems to me this is the only way my children will not only have a choice but a chance...i.e. if they want to live with me they can. However, is this legal? I have full joint custody as this was awarded in spain rather than england, which I am sure would have delivered a different verdict. So if I move to the UK, where the kids go to school and they don't wish to return to their mothers house, can anyone do anything against me?
Having suffered this for the past two years, I do believe their is a need for a full re evaluation of how men and fathers are treated by women, many of whom should not be allowed to look after their children and do so purely for the tax credits they get. Also if they decide to hook up with people who are not suitable, why do the courts and the law not do anything about it! We have many young children who are victims of abuse, based on this antiquated system which labels all women regardless of their situation as suitable mums, whilst categorising men as being inferior in this respect.
SK2016
My partner (the father) and I have joint custody of his children, there was never any official agreement made through the courts.
I am wondering if you could advise. I am looking for the best online rescource regarding the financial legalities of joint custody- primarily if the mother is a 'single' parent and the father (my fiancé) isnt?
Many Thanks In advance
H
Whenever I bring the topic up I don't get a response out of my ex-wife. Any advice to address this issue?
However she's in the last 2 years tried committing suicide. She's ok now but on sick and in debt so because I've a decent job she's decided to go down the csa route, which I don't mind paying as I've always done for the last ten years with my other two children
I went to see her support worker and arranged temporarily that I'd only have the kids for five days out of two weeks because at the time they where getting up early and where tired meaning she couldn't cope with them
However my partner now has children in the same school so they're not having to get up early anymore
But because of csa she will not give me them back for my full seven days
I've been to mediation and she point blank refused, I have all the court papers and wondered if I'd win my case?
I don't really want to go down that route because of the potential of the kids 6 and 10 being dragged through it too. Thanks Ben
I asked her to give me extra 2 nights in return for 3 nights at weekend which see has already had.
As she swopped them I didn't realise there was a problem with court order which says boys must return day before going back to school, she has now withdrawn her permision.
The boys were 2 and 4 when court order was made, now 9and 11
Please help
Basically, my uncle keeps getting back together and breaking up with his wife. I truly don't believe their relationship is stable and his wife is slightly crazy in my opinion. They'll break up because he'll do something that'll annoy her, for example one time the kids that they have (2 kids) left toys on the ground and she didn't like that, so she kicked my uncle out.
I normally find out that my uncle is often kicked out from the house because of petty reasons.
So, when my uncle got kicked out he went to his mums house. This would normally happen and she was used to having him around. But last year, his mum passed away.
My uncle doesn't have much money as he finds it difficult to get a job, so he normally gets money from his dad. His dad lives in Ireland and neither of them really understand how to give money abroad so that's where my mum comes in. She'll tell them how to do it and get really annoyed on how often it happens.
Back to the relationship, my uncle normally gets calls from his wife about a wife after they 'break up' saying she wants him back and she really misses him. My uncle doesn't want to say yes as he knows the relationship isn't very 'normal. But he has to, other wise his wife won't let him see his children. She used to make him pay to see the children when they broke up before, so he'd ask his mum for money. Well, he can't really do that anymore.
Their relationship is going nowhere, he can't get hold of the kids because he doesn't have enough money to go to court; He doesn't love his wife anymore; she is literally crazy and will snap at any time.
I don't know what to do, I hate seeing my uncle and mum this way. I wish I could help or tell them what to do. So that's why I'm here. Respond in anytime you can.
Thank you
I have 2 beautiful children with my ex wife. She had an affair last year and I divorced her earlier this year after 17 years together. She is still with this chap, an ex con with a shocking domestic violence history, and I have also moved on and I am blissfully happy with my new lady.
My ex was heavily in credit card debt and I took out a bank loan , remortgaged the family home and took out a secured loan on the home to help clear her credit card debt being the loyal and caring husband and father I was. When she left, she left debt free and I am saddled with this. She asked if I would continue to pay this debt off and that would be classed as maintenance for the children to which I agreed as I had no choice as it was all in my name as she couldnt get a loan etc due to her debt problems.
I work in the emergency services on a 10 day shift pattern, 24/7, and I have my kids for 4 overnight stays during this time and coupled with my annual leave entitlement this works out at up to 175 overnight sleeps per year.
Once she found out I had moved on and I was seeing my lady she turned and went to CMS and they demanded £450 a month on the figures she provided. I provided them with the correct figures, as above, and this dropped to £155 a month. She agreed to these figures and a shared care agreement was made. Why I have to pay at all given the amount of time I have them is unfair as she receives all the benefits and I recieve nothing.
I have my children at every opportunity and I had them for 2 whole weeks over the summer school holidays, on top of the figures provided, when my ex could not get childcare. This was due to my lady working in a school term time only.
For some unknown reason she has now gone back to CMS and told them that I am not having my kids as I should and CMS have upped my payments to £315. I have contested this and they have told me I need a legal document signed by both parties or a court order to prove my dates. How can they take her word, as they told me she has not submitted any legal documentation to back her claim, but wont accept mine or accept any evidence I have? Its like talking to a brick wall talking to CMS.
Subsequently my partner and I want to apply to the courts for joint custody to protect myself from any future vexatious claims and to negate any more riduculous contact with CMS. Can anyone assist with what evidence I need to succesfully apply for a court order? Any information would be great. Cheers.
I lived for the first three months with and at the partners accommodation while holding a full time position down.
Since separating, at best, I will see my son at the weekend early Saturday through to Sunday evening, you could call this one and a half days in a week more or less, of which is appalling and very saddening for me.
In the past I have campaigned to get a fair level of supervision and time with him but the system is incredibly bias and unfair towards the male parent in this way, especially considering the full-time employment aspect that a father is expected to have and perform for obvious reasons.
Recently I was told that I may be asked to see my son on every other weekend instead of the weekly occurrence that has been happening for most, not all, weekends since separating.
This would mean I would have even less contact and time with my son than has currently been the case.
This has been brought about because of a job that the mother is now about to start, (full-time mon-fri), which would mean her seeing my son for a short time in the morning of a day and for a few hours in the evening.
(a few hours more than what I would see of him, not just now in this scenario but all the way along the last three years, so this is what I have had to endure throughout !)
This is not my fault that the other has finally managed to secure a job, (previously never worked), but words so far have been of CSA/governing boards looking to be brought in to the equation so that I would not be able to see him at the weekends weekly. Great !
Again, whatever the father does is always chastised or compromised against.
As stated above previously, I have always campaigned for and tried to get more time with my son rather than less, a more even balance, now I am to be faced with this ahead.
How do I battle this one, any other fathers in an identical situation to myself?
I would like to hear from anyone and as always I would be very grateful.
Thanks.
I currently live in Winchester, 200m away from my 6 year old son. I see him 4 times a week. My ex want to move back to Glasgow. This would mean I would only see him 6-8 times a year.
I am opposed to the move and currently going through court. Yesterday I received the CAFCASS report which recommended that the court allow the relocation.
If my son had shared residency, would the move still be allowed to go ahead?
Next week I will see a lawyer to discuss custody of my children as there is a constant instability in my ex's condition.
My question is, what kind of arrangement can be made for someone in my position, ie a father who currently sees his children every Wednesday and every weekend but when his ex falls ill (and this happens again and again) he takes over totally, the parenting of the children for one week, or one month or sometimes more. When the mother 'recovers' she demands immediately that the children are given back as she is fit again to continue her role as a mother. This often involves things like turning up unannounced at the school gates and causing a scene and much distress to the children. I believe that I have enough evidence to support applying for full custody so that legally the children are with me, but I also don't want to cut my ex out of my kids lives as when she is well, the children benefit from her being their mum. How can I ensure stability in my children's lives, when their mother has none?
Him and his ex were split before the daughter was born and he was pretty much told that as long as he wasn't willing to convert to their religion and marry his ex that he would not have anything to do with their daughter. She has brought up their daughter supplying no knowledge about her paternal father which breaks his and his family's hearts.
Since his daughter has been born (she's now 4) his ex will when it suits her take their daughter to his family's home in Wales but not tell him he'd only know when his family rang him to tell him. She has also since got married and are bringing up their daughter thinking that her husband is her father and whenever she left their daughter with my partners family she asked that it all be kept secret so her husband never find out.
She has also had my partner look after their daughter last summer at her marital home whist her and her husband were away which was once again a secret from her husband. Can you please advise where we stand on gaining access and the correct channels we should go down?
He said he wants him 4 days a week, he isn't off for four days a week, so who is going to look after him, another family member? which i don't mind them seeing him but we had already arranged something for other family to see him.
If i was to go down the route of arranged visits by the csa (not sure who deals with it) how many days would they allow him?
Thank you
My partner has a 4 year old with his ex wife. They split when the child was 1 due to her affair. Shortly after, we got together and he was divorced from her within another year. So as it stands, he is not split from her for 3 years, is in a relationship with me for almost 3 years and has been legally divorced for 2 years. They have equal joint custody and the child lives with each parent one week on, one week off.
We are now expecting a baby, have bought a house and are very happy and building a future together. However, she has now decided that she wants to move to another country (she doesnt know where yet but it will not be her home country...she just feels like a change.) They are both Portuguese, but have resided in the UK for about 7/8 years and this is the only home the child has known. She is very much established here, has a secure home, lives in the same area for the past 3 years and is going to the same childcare for the past 3 years - she is also scheduled to start in a local school in the coming months.
In terms of finances, myself and my partner are much more stable - we have steady incomes and our purchasing a house I feel makes us even more stable. The mother rents and lives week to week....I don't think she has savings and moving abroad for her would financially be a struggle.
Can you advise what rights my partner has and what his chances are of keeping his child here in the UK?
what will the courts look into? as the reason he was refused visiting rights was because he lived at his parents who we open alcoholics and drug users. She is scared this will be overlooked or not considered if it goes to court.
anyone know what they will look at in particular?
I have seperated from my husand and we are trying to arrange days he can see the kids. As he is flatsharing with a friend and the firls will have nowhere to stay, when he sees kids he will be moving back in here and I have to find somewhere to go.....does anyone elese have experience of this and what can I do....I'm gonna have to rent someone a few days a week :(
We can't agree on days either....I have no idea where to start...help would be appreciated.
The childs mother is struggling with disacplining or setting any bounderies for the child and is now facing the wrath of a uncontrollable teenager (only in her home) and has asked us to have the child full time as she can not cope. We have said we can not do full time as we both work a min of a 46 - 48 hour week and to be honest as the new wife, having a full time family was never in the plan (I am 40 and have never had children as I didnt want that life style). We offered to try and have Sophie 7 days on and 7 days off as a compromise to enable the daughter and the mother to rebuild their failed relationship.
We have tried this but it is too much with the hours we both work and fitting in seeing my husbands older (19) son once a week, meaning we actually have kids 8 nights out of 14. We have said that we can only do 6 nights with Sophie and 1 with James but the ex is being totally unreasonable as it means she can not stay with her boyfriend a week at time. Any suggestions on how to resolve?
When I dropped my daughter at my ex wifes house she informed me (in front of my daughter) that I will not be seeing my daughter as much in the future as it effects her Child Maintenance and tax credits. Naturally I hit the roof and she has now made false allegations of domestic abuse and harrasment. Ive had a visit from the police telling me to stay away from the family home (My Ex's) not to contact my ex wife whatsoever and that she now has a solicitor acting for her and getting legal aid.
I have been allowed my daughter tonight from 5 PM for a sleepover but a third party must pick up and drop off at 7AM tomorrow morning, so I will only get 2-3 hours quality time with her before bed.
I have not seen my daughter for a week now and I am very much missing her, I have a meeting with mediation today but as she alleges domestic violence I dont think mediation is allowed in those circumstances.
I am at a loss
Could anyone please advise me what to do,
I am concerned that I have was not granted joint residency of my children. Has any other parents had a problem gaining this? How long should I wait before reapplying for this as I think the decision was a bit strange.
When she was working my mother would look after our two year old on a Monday, my ex is putting a total stop to this, what rights would she have?
My ex is offering me a Thursday night and Friday night then every other Saturday, I find this unreasonable and would like to challenge, would I have much chance of getting more access?
I have some questions that hopefully can help me
1. How can I find out if baby born if mother is refusing to contact me
2. Once my child is registered with a forename can this be changed
3. How will I obtain access to see my child
4. At what age would I be allowed to see my child on 1-2-1 basis
5. I don't want my child used as a weapon and would like agreements set in place such as access and living arrangements.
6. Is there any templates for letters i can use to help me communicate with my ex or draft legal letters for access
Hope everything will get sorted for everyone but as i know these situations can be emotional for all and the law is more on the mothers side that fathers.
1. Myself and my wife have split and the house is currenly on the market. We have agreed that we would have joint custody (4 days with her then 4 with me) this is currently only a verbal agreement however I wondered if there is a contract or something similar we can both sign (just in case!) I do not want to go down the court/ lawyer route but do want to protect myself.
2. How does the CSA view it if the split is exactly 50/50. There online calculator only gives you the choice of being a payer or reciever, surely if it is 50/50 and both agree then no one should be paying anything or is it based on earnings as well.
Many thanks for your advice
I have also found out after a quick google of the boyfriends name that he has a current conviction for assault and a court appearance/case 5 years ago for aledgedly beating up his then girlfriend.
I am worried about my son in the house with this guy who is telling me aggressively that my son is basically horrible, rude and generally naughty.
The boyfriend is 52 and should know better and mind his own business.
Where should I start and what should I do?
thanks
The real problem now is that is is more and more difficult to get boys when I want and if I do not agree it all kicks off this is all with a letter of agreements which states joint care. I am due to collect boys at a certain time which my pattern does not agee with how can I pick up my boys without a drama. I was thinking maybe I should call the police before go to collect my boys. Any advice would be very very much appreciated.
Thanks
She has said our daughter wants to spend it at home but what does a 7 year old know?
She should persuade her to come to me either of the days not let our daughter decide herself.
She has said I can have her for the days leading up to Christmas and Christmas eve until 2-3pm but its just not the same.
Just feel helpless
My ex has said I can't have my daughter for Christmas or boxing day. I pay her maintenance every month and I have my daughter every other weekend and when I can in school holidays. She has said I can see her before Christmas but not on Christmas day or boxing day. I am thinking of taking her to court so she can't make everything to suit herself.
Where do I stand and can I get a legal written agreement for holiday times like Christmas?
Thanks
any advice?
Thanks
After just short of 14 years of marriage my Wife and I have split up and there is no chance of any reconciliation.
We have 5 children between 9 and 14.
We have also agreed to split up and remain as friends.
I will be homeless at the end of this month and our children will be living with their Mother, but I can see them as and when I and they want to.
I am hoping that my local authority will help me out with temporary housing.
When I get a place of my own it is agreed between my Wife and I that I will have shared residency of our children. eg: 3 days a week at my house, as well as whenever they wish to pop in throughout the day etc. And having them more through school holidays too.
My question is:
Can I call it "Shared Residency" on the letter to my Local authority and to my local social housing group, in a letter from my Wife to say that our marriage has broken down, we have split up, and that there is no chance of any re-conciliation, please? or can those words be ONLY used when parents go to court and they say so.
Like I say, we have mutually agreed between us, and do not wish to go to court, put our children through that or want or need the expense and stress of it all.
Many thanks in advance.
I always knew he'd get me back for leaving him, that is his nature. I just wasn't sure how far he'd take it. I had hoped that he'd calm down after a year or two, or three, but it just didn't happen. I knew his nature, saw it in action when I was married to him. He would plot revenge against anyone who crossed him, sometimes even asking me to help him. I used to think 'let it go' because he just kept on and on about the slightest things other people 'did' to him, whether it was neighbours, or work colleagues, or just someone in his way at a shop. But he never let anything go. He always made sure he got people back, made them suffer in some way. I think he has deep rooted issues with his own father, who walked out on him when he was young, and never returned. This unresolved anger has manifested itself deep within him and his psyche, and I think ever since he's had the need to crush anyone who crosses him or who he perceives as having crossed him, or worse, anyone who leaves him. I crossed him in the worst way. I left him. Six years ago. I tried to be amicable. I never withheld contact, even before courts got involved. None of my good faith mattered. He plotted to chip away slowly, wear me down through repeated attacks over time, until he was finally able to take my child from me six years later. This included never leaving me in peace, stalking me, never showing any regard for myself as primary caregiver to our child, acting as sole parent to third parties, making false reports to police against me, and to social services, retaining our child beyond agreed times, isolation tactics, lying to and manipulating third parties, feigning victim, making constant false al
It is harder work than standard access, but the benefits outweigh the Cons:
1. Alex has continual stability
2. There are no fights or anamosity for him to see
3. As a father, I adore seeing him so often and it means he gets an equal input into his life from both parents. Best for everyone
4. We can help each other out. IE say his mother has a function to attend, we can juggle days easier to cater for it. This worked particually well when she got married a couple of weeks ago.
THE IS ONE MAJOR CON THOUGH:
our benefit system is not set out for this as it is archaic. As a result only ONE parent can be classed as the primary carer and thus meaning it causes problems with the financials. It is about time benefits could be split equally and both parents are equally recognised by benefit agencies as parents in our own rights. Child benefit is the key to all help when you have children and at this time only one carer can have it....but who is the primary carer in our case? we both do 3 1/2 days a week each!!! as a result it effects her new husbands CSA as i recieve the child benefit and my ex is no longer deemed a carer of her son!!! she recieves DLA and carers allowance and i get child tax credits and child benefits. Now there is a rift due to the fact CSA will not recognise our son in her new husbands CSA assessment as he has 2 kids from before as my EX is not deemed a mother and so he has to pay his ex a loy more ! its lunacy gone wrong!!!
We are fighting to stay amicable now!!!
I was a good father, and far too lenient with her. I let her stay in my house for 2 months, on the basis that she should find somewhere to live (we lived close to her family, mine are 200 miles away). I suggested she move in with her mum whilst she find somewhere, and that our girls stay with me until she does so. They were 3 & 2 at the time.
Throughout the relationship, I was the primary carer. I would be up at 5:30 in the morning to sort them out, get breakfast, then go to work. Home at lunchtime (when possible), then back in the evening around 6pm. Then it was feed, bathe, and bed the girls, stay with them until 8:30-9pm as the littlest was problematic when settling, then come downstairs, cook myself something to eat, clean the kitchen, and eventually sit down to "chill out" at around 10:30-11pm. Then I would wake through the night for the littlest one, every time she woke for a feed, even if it wasn't "my turn". This was because the ex wouldn't ever wake up without me waking her, even if the little one was was screaming her head off. As you can imagine my body was living on very little, broken, sleep. This started from the moment she was born, until the time we split up. Over 2 years.
Now, we're 2 1/2 years down the line, I've met someone else, who I've been seeing for 8 1/2 months, and over the last 2 weeks, I felt it was the right time to introduce her to my girls. My girls who come to me every couple of days, and spend 1 week out of every 2 with me. My ex, has decided that this is not acceptable, as when we first broke up, and tried to establish patterns for the girls, we agreed that our time with the girls would be ours, and not spent with anyone else. She has had her partner spend plenty of time with her and the girls over the past 2 1/2 years. So once again, she threatens me with taking the girls away from me, and her having them full time. This is not the first time she's threatened this, and I'm sure it won't be the last. Don't get me wrong, there are longer periods of time when all is fine, and there's flexibility on both side, but she has threatened this a number of times, including once because she wanted me to pay more CSA!!!
I'd like to have our arrangements legally agreed, but I know the mother will be a real pain in the rear and make it incredibly difficult for me to do so. Any suggestions?
I do not have much money whereas my former wife gets legal aid she has made up allegations against me in order to stop my son seeing me. I could see him st a contact centre but that eas forced on her by the judge now she has even managed to stop that I don't have any funds to fight a legal case and. I have no legal help therefore please help
Ask Separated Dads a question
Ask our editorial team a question and we will reply with our advice. Tell us as much about your situation as you can: the more detail you give, the more useful our answer can be.
You do not need to use your real name. Please do not include your full address, phone number, email address, or the names of other people. We may edit or remove identifying details for privacy and legal reasons.
Comments are moderated before publication.