Using Reverse Psychology Effectively

You don’t have to be an intellectual genius or mind reader to learn how to use reverse psychology effectively. This method of influencing simply requires that you pay attention to what another person is communicating – by reading body language and demonstrating active listening – and then offer an exchange that creates a response that is in your favour.

As a separated dad you may, from time to time, find yourself dealing with frustrating and/or challenging situations with your ex partner, that restrict access to your children or limit contact in some way (see our article Your Separated Father's Rights on this site). Reverse psychology can provide a useful method of encouraging your former partner to see your point of view.

Recognising Techniques

Many parents often use reverse psychology techniques with their children but may not be fully aware they are doing this. Because children naturally want to demonstrate independent thinking, they will generally want to do the opposite of what a parent suggests. For instance, think of a time when a child is refusing to eat a particular food. Chances are they soon change their mind once the suggestion that they couldn’t possibly eat more than four forkfuls is voiced by a parent. This is reverse psychology used effectively and it can be used on partners as well as children.

In the same way that a child is influenced to act in an opposite way, an adult can be tempted into changing their thoughts, opinions and views on a situation. Reverse psychology simply plays on the weaknesses of an individual so that you are able to persuade through suggestion, which is rather like making someone think an idea was their idea all along. In a difficult relationship, with an ex partner, using these techniques can help you gain advantages and opportunities.

How to Have Your Needs Met

If you are experiencing difficulty in communication the first step to ensuring reverse psychology works for you is to acknowledge the other person’s point of view. This means remaining calm and controlled no matter how difficult the situation gets. You need to be able to demonstrate how in control of your emotions you are so that the other person is able to see you have their needs in mind. Allowing them to think you have all the time in the world also means that they will begin to give thought to any issues you want to address, which is the opposite to the way they will react if you are demanding and controlling.

By suggesting that you are putting someone else’s needs first you will create a reaction that stimulates interaction and communication, and will mean that your needs are considered also. Reverse psychology can be used successfully in difficult relationships that include some form of power struggle. This does not, however, mean pretending or lying in order to get your own way. Using reverse psychology techniques enables you to influence by suggestion, which means that the other person will become more willing to prove a point or act out of character in order to do as you want.

How to Exploit Thinking Types

People with a stubborn streak, exaggerated self-worth or a high level of confidence can be more easily exploited than those people who are more level in their thinking. Reverse psychology works effectively with people who possess a pattern of behaviour because it is relatively simple to spot potential thought and expression. Individuals who thrive on proving a point will naturally want to do the opposite of what you suggest which makes it easy to use reverse psychology techniques for your benefit.

Difficult ex-partners may create parenting restrictions that limit access to your child/children and impact on the growing relationship you are trying to foster. In these cases, using reverse psychology techniques can help you improve the level of Communication and Contact You Have With Your Children, and also ease the tension between parents. For instance, creating a suggestion that your ex-partner may desire to have more personal free time, to pursue wellbeing or personal interests, will influence thought and bring your idea into reality. This in turn may increase time you spend with your children.

Maintain a Good Reputation

However you choose to develop your psychology skills, it is important that you do so for the benefit of all. Using reverse psychology in a negative way can be seen as being manipulative and controlling, and very few people will welcome the development of relationships with a person who uses psychology techniques to get their own way.

Understanding the importance of mutual expression and exchange will provide many openings for increased communication, and this method of establishing and accepting situations and solutions is far better than having to persuade someone to change their mind to suit your needs. Ensure you show respect for another’s needs and you will have your own needs met more readily.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.