Your Separated Father's Rights

Your Separated Father's Rights

When you've split up with your ex it's important to know what your rights and responsibilities are regarding your children. The most important thing is to determine whether or not you have parental responsibility for your children. In the case of married couples, you're responsible for any children born in wedlock.

Unmarried Couples

In general terms, an unmarried mother is deemed to have "parental responsibility" for her children. For births registered in England or Wales; as a father you have parental responsibility if:

  • The child's birth was registered after December 1st, 2003 and your name is on the certificate as the father.
  • If the child was born before that time with no father listed on the birth certificate, but the birth was later re-registered with you named as the father.
  • If you and the child's mother sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement.
  • If you're given a parental responsibility order by the court, or a Residence Order for the child to live with you.
  • If you marry the child's mother.

If the parents are not married, parental responsibility does not automatically pass to the natural father if the mother dies.

Same Sex Couples

With same sex couples, after a civil partnership, you have parental responsibility if you have a parental responsibility agreement or a parental responsibility order from the court.

What Parental Responsibility Means for your Rights as a Dad

If you have parental responsibility, you have a say in the upbringing of your children, even if they don't live with you any more.

However, this doesn't apply to the general, day-to-day life of your children; that will lie with the mother if they live with her. But in other questions, such as religion, upbringing, medical treatment and so on, you have the same rights in making decisions as the mother.

So what rights does parental responsibility give you?

Important Decisions - we've already mentioned that decisions on everyday matters lie with the parent who has residency. But if you have parental responsibility, even as the non-resident parent - you have the right to be consulted over important issues such as:

  • Changing schools
  • Going on holidays with others/other organisations etc
  • Serious medical issues
  • Changing surname
  • Emigration
  • Their marriage
  • Adoption

Once your child gets older, he or she may express their opinions and you may feel that your parental responsibility rights are reduced. At this stage, it is therefore important to consider the wishes of the child in major decisions too. For more details on parental responsibility, take a look at our guide and letter templates.

Rights Checker

Check what legal rights you have as a separated father. Takes 2 minutes.

Try our Rights Checker free, here on this site →

If you feel your rights are being ignored and you have parental responsibility, you can apply for a specific steps order or a specific issue order. More information about those can be found here:
Specific Issue Orders.

Applying to the Courts

As a father you can apply to the court for parental responsibility. The court will consider:

  • How committed you are as a father
  • The attachment between you and your child
  • Your reasons for applying for the order

Based on what the judge believes to be in the child's best interests they will either accept or grant your application for parental responsibility.

If you've been part of a couple where the children are yours and you don't have parental responsibility, you can still apply to court for certain types of orders, mostly Contact Orders to see the children, but even for a Residence Order to have the children live with you (if granted, you'll then have parental responsibility).

Note that if your former partner has a Residence Order, she can take your children abroad for up to a month without your consent. However, if the trip is longer, or she plans on moving abroad with the children, she will need the consent of both you and anyone else who has parental responsibility for the children. However, if you wish to take your children abroad for a holiday, it's a tougher issue, and legally you're advised to have her agreement first. (Taking a child abroad without the mother's consent can be deemed as abduction in the eyes of the law. Read our article What is Abduction? for more information).

Child Maintenance

Parental responsibility also means you have the duty to support your children financially. If you already have a case ongoing this will probably be done either through the Child Support Agency (CSA) or by an arranged agreement between you and the child's mother. In general terms, you'll pay 15% of your net income for one child, 20% for two and 25% for three children. However, there are adjustments, depending on how much time the children spend with you. If you move abroad, support will be done through the court rather than the CSA. Note that from 25 November 2013, the Child Support Agency (CSA) no longer takes on new cases but will continue to deal with existing cases. The new body handling maintenance issues is the Child Maintenance Service.

When Does Parental Responsibility End?

Your parental responsibility to your children ends when they turn 18 and become legal adults. However, if they're over 16 and marry, it ends with the marriage. If you've obtained parental responsibility through a Residence Order, though, and that Residence Order changes, you don't lose parental responsibility.

You should be aware that if you weren't married to the mother of your children, you're on slightly trickier ground, even if you have your name on the birth certificate or a parental responsibility agreement or order. In that case, any other person with parental responsibility can apply to court to have your parental responsibility ended. Even your children can do that, if they acquire permission from the court.

Court

To help prepare you for going to court for residency or contact, we have a free, comprehensive guide to the whole process here.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Rights Checker lets you check what legal rights you have as a separated father. Takes 2 minutes. Try it now →

Ask a Question or Comment
Christopher 19 Dec 2024
In Australia, there is an Anglican church in Drayton Harbour I want to be the Priest there that’s my calling
tireddad 15 Nov 2024
I'm struggling iv got a son in australia and iv not had contact after his mum attacked me with two knives 3 days before he was born. I suffered with ptsd and depression and was forced to leave the country as I dropped the charges on his mum, as the police wanted to cause issues, I got the blame when I got attacked and manipulated by a crazy BPD mother that manipulated everything. Back in uk need some help please
Chris 4 Nov 2022
I would like to apologise for the spam messages, they where not to be taking seriously. Apparently there is this 18 girl that I'm on the birth certificate thing is I haven't seen her sence she very little .and she wants nothing to do with me .so I will respect her wishes because she is adult with her own life .that's life happens to every guy .so there is really not much I can do about it now. But I won't posting silly posts ever again .
Pacer 9 Oct 2022
I a waiting for the District Judge to give me directions to what happens next? After completing a DAPP 26 week she ordered me to do before I can see my 5 kids, its been 15 months since I last was with them, So the Judge has had my DAPP report since 13th September 22 but has not had the decency to reply as I have asked her do I need to do anything else to get contact, but nothing from her? I have phoned the Court but admin just tell me they are also waiting on the Judge directions, call me paranoid but I rubbed up the Judge the wrong way in the Directions & fact finding hearing & she took a dislike to my behaviour & demeanour yes I know not too clever of me but was going through a breakdown, seperation & divorce at the time so my head was not with it, I have completed her punishment & moved on trying to concentrate on what matters my 5 kids since the court proceedings, This Mickey mouse Judge is playing God, So has anyone got any advice or been in this situation & know what happens next? Be much appreciated cheers Pacer
C laurie 29 Aug 2022
Stop Sam you dont have a clue your the dumb ass ,you can have precious little daughter and rasie her with all your random partners. You want truth I gave up 15 years ago after you (jailed) me .so deep down I have so much hatred for you( so stay away from me )because I will bash your old 50 year old ass and must likely slit your throat thats( gods truth) .for the record you are a worthless shank just used up hooker .do you know what my first impression off you was a worthless slut the father off your son just committed suicide and here you are in the pub toilet getting gangbanged ha ha .you are trash and there is no way that daughter off yours is mine.
Jolie14 28 Aug 2022
Hi. I've been trying to contact the mother of our daughter for many days to which she has ignored my calls... I have evidence of her declining my calls and also answering my call from a different number speaking and then after hearing me ask about seeing our daughter and she hung up. Do I have a case?? What should my next move be?? I don't wanna turn up to the house in case I get accused of anything as well. Pls help
C laurie 18 Aug 2022
I'm so lucky I never had to pay support or have the burden off looking after a child .I dont class myself as a disgusting father I class myself as a guy who never had children .I want even date women with children there is just to much baggage and dealing with the children's fathers thats just something I dont want to do .I was all for the mother changing her daughters name and letting mark have parental rights I would off signed the papers 15 years ago I told her that the day she left .(in reality I dont ever want to see this child and I know the mother will respect my wishes).
Kev 18 Aug 2022
I’ve booked a holiday with my partner to take my daughter abroad my ex was all happy for me to do this now she found out why my daughter was staying with us me and my current partner had a disagreement my daughter is not allowed to go because she is branding me as a disgusting father is still allowing me to see her she’s holding the cards what do I do
Chris 9 Jun 2022
@sam,if you wanted a guy to take you to court im the wrong guy .go play your games with Gordon or jacbo or whoever eles you where seeing .(in reality I look down on women like you )you are that screwed up in the head that you think your a catch well sorry to burst your bubble every women out there thinks the same ha ha ha .in reality you belong with Sum one like Gordon a old tradie like my dad .I just can't understand there thinking most likely it's age difference different generation. But in my opinion that's your level .so you should set you sights on Sum one like that.
Chris 9 Jun 2022
@sam,just quit seriously( I don't care who you date or where you move to ).I have no interest in seeing your daughter in case you forgot your daughter is a (adult with her own life) .I'm just grateful I (never have to deal or interact with sum one like you) .you should be able to work out bye now there will be no court cases or c100 filled out (obviously).for the millon time the day you left that was it I'm a men few words but in heart (I was happy to see the back off you and your kids) .now go focus on new men or women .(instead off been on pointless blogs )
Boo 8 Jun 2022
Really struggling, i have not seen my 2 sons 6&4 for almost 9 months. I have had them as much as allowed by the mother since the split and after a new guy came on the scene they have moved 5 times and access and contact dwindled away.I have instigated a court date with the C100 form and spoken to Cafcas indicating that she was abusive. The FHDRA is soon and i have been asked for a statement of our relationship and the abuse, as she placed a counter abuse claim, which i have sent to court. I have not however been asked for position statement which is worrying as this states what i would like toput in place. Any advice?
Nardine 5 Jun 2022
My friend has found out that he fathered a child 20+ years ago and wants to attempt contact, he has very limited details of the mother and isn't sure what surname his child would have. Is there a way of tracking down such a relative and how? Thank
Ben 4 Jun 2022
Recently split from my partner out of spite she has left me off the birth certificate and she won’t let me have any time with my daughter. I want joint custody 3 days a week and every other weekend. I believe she’s suffering from postnatal depression as she’s behaving irrational. Being apart from daughter is absolutely killing me. I want to be able to co parent. I want my family to be able to spend time with my daughter. My ex partner is insisting that we go to court and she has previously done this with a previous partner and knows how to play the system. I really need help. Thanks Ben Kershaw
Abdullah 8 Oct 2021
I’m living with anxiety and depression because of my wife, I can’t contact her to see my son because she blocked me and i end up sending an email but her mom reported me to the police and i got arrested for harassment!! And i must pay child maintenance and I can’t see my son I don’t know what to do
Nawaz 14 Jun 2021
I want to see my child's ?? Please help me I divorced my ex wife and she took my kids She allowed me to see first but now she stopped me to see my kids
Bigpoppapump 11 May 2021
My ex died and her parents will not let me see my child , what rights do I have if any and how long it’s the court process ? I already know it’s expensive but I seem to be getting nowhere at all , help
Personal 6 May 2021
Me and my wife have arguments for months and suddenly she left and and put charges on me (which she couldn’t prove) now she took both kids and moved in other country first i used to contact kids over the phone voice call video call and suddenly kids dont want to talk to me any more i have court case running in that country (kids stopped talking to me after she recived court papers) I haven’t seen my kids face-to-face over year (she has brain washed the kids) what will happen if kids say in court they dont want too see me ?? Will judge still give me right to see kids
Art 31 Dec 2020
Disgusting revolting daughters in law. Why my son married such a person? She made ‘all the right noises’ to get him! But basically she was desperate and my son had no ‘local knowledge’ of this female and she ‘acted’ until she ‘got him’. She put on a sweet lovely voice all the while. Then when they had been married for 2 x weeks my boy realised what a terrible mistake he had made! Then I actually got to see my beautiful son as a grown man cry and sob! . The courts are on the side of the mother and don't let any solicitor tell you different! They say a father has a chance to get custardy but in reality they dont!!! Sorry you caring loving fathers out there as my son and his family have been through the year from hell! You fathers deserve more than you are getting and I very much hope the Law will wise up to this fact. I don't want to tell you this because as a grandmother I have observed and I wish it was different for Dads, but one unfeeling and manipulative and uncultured woman can and will make your life hell on legs! I wish I had the power to put things right for you. And if I was. judge I would hope that I could see through all of those lies and never join in with the status quo. Just continue to fight my friend! You Dad’s are valuable and much loved.
Lol 18 Dec 2020
My 15 year old son has become a father and the mother not let him have access to the child which is destroying him, do we have any rights to see the child?
George 5 Dec 2020
Our Son has recently separate from his Fiancee. They have a two year old Daughter. He has recently received a letter from a solicitor following their separation. The letter states that: 'Our Son's Partner wishes to sever the joint tenancy held by our son and his ex-partner now held as joint tenants both in law and in equity. This means that you and your ex partner hold the property as tenants in common'. Could anybody advice what we should do please. Our Son is a full time student with no income or funds for legal fees. Thank you.
Le reda 25 Nov 2020
Hi i have 2 daughters in london which i didnt see for 3 years iam not living in uk iam living sweden and my x not allowing me to see them and i went many time to uk and tried with her family and friends to let me see them but she doesnt want and the reason was when we were married she left them outside the uk with my parents and she said she gonna leave them for one month summer holidays and she left them for 8 months and i brought them back to uk as i work in sweden and she moved from sweden back and she lives in london but left them there because she find a job and they were so young 3 years old and 2 years old and she left them with their old grandparents. The question is there and legal way to see them even at school ?
russ 8 Nov 2020
hi my ex is telling me what i can and can't do with my kids when have them is she aloud to do that
Woohbies 6 Oct 2020
Myself and my child’s mother separated in 2009. I had to take her to court as she stopped me from seeing my son, I from then have him every other weekend, 2 weeks in holidays, bank holidays and extra days in between if we do anything as we want him involved, I have always paid child maintenance and feel proud to do so. Since the pandemic started my job was on the line to which I was made redundant July. I have found a few jobs since but they were just to get me and my family by. I have now started a job I enjoy it is a huge wage drop but in my eyes still an income but it entails I have to work some weekends!! For reasons my wife and step daughters will not be left alone with my son so I have had to let his mum know on some weekends that he is due to be with us I have to work but have put to her during the week I can pick him up from school take him out and if I’m off on her weekends we will have him. She is just so unhelpful with it all. If I wasn’t working and I couldn’t pay her the child maintenance she would take me to court I just cannot win. I don’t want to not see my son I just need her help to rearrange on certain weekends.
Nix 28 Sep 2020
I have 3 children to a boyfriend that has left me. He gives me £80 a month out of his £1000 a week wage to support the children, that’s everything, meals, washing school trips the lot. I have now moved back to my home town 30 miles away from him. Now out of the children’s money he is expecting me to pay half of his costs to come see his children. I do not drive so would have to take the children on a 2 hour bus ride from Hull to Grimsby or pay him petrol money to come pick them up. Please let me know your comments. Nix
wdjace 17 Sep 2020
Hi All, I have been trying to see my 2 year old daughter for 11 months. i have been trough courts and still going through them. why does all the power on when i see my daughter still with the mother when she does all the crazy things and i am being treated like i have committed crimes? it seems i have no power no PR, who said the ex can dictate when or not i can see my daughter? What about the damage she is doing to my daughter, and i say that my daughter should be with me? how does this work in the 21st century still that by default the child stays with mum even though i had my daughter 60% of the time when we was together and i was the one who always put my daughter to bed every night for nearly 2 years while the ex was asleep on the couch.
Micky 16 Sep 2020
If my daughter is being christened do I have a choice to reject it cause I’m none religious and where not together as a family anymore can I stop it
Gt1000uk 10 Sep 2020
I have my 10 year old daughter living with me as of 2 months ago. I have joint responsibility with her mother and no legal agreements since we split. I’ve reduced work hours and taken child benefit and am about to claim benefits. My child’s mother is living in the marital home and is refusing to pay the mortgage. It will be repossessed after the government block ends in October. If I go to court can I get her removed on the grounds it’s the family home and she no longer has the child living with her ? Many thanks
Zade 7 Sep 2020
Hello my ex who is my babies dad he wants to have the children on his own and stay with him but he has always told me that when he gets them he’s gonna take them but that was 3 years ago now I have some trust issues with this situation and I want some advise if it was the chase that he dose take them how would I be able to get them back or what would I do
rainyday88 3 Sep 2020
My current partner has split from his daughters mother and had nothing but problems. The mother tells him when he can see her, more often than not she cancels the day before cause she has plans. She stopped him seeing her for approximately 6months and this was devastating for him. Now she has to move and is saying that she doesn't know how he will see his daughter as she isn't going to tell him where they are living. This situation is made even worst as his daughter is disabled and cant make choices for herself. He needs help
345 30 Aug 2020
I have been separated from my children’s mother for 5 years , since the split I’ve has both my daughters 99% of the time they are now 16 and 14 . My youngest daughter has not seen her mother since May this year , but the mother still claims everything she can for the children . I am lucky enough I have a good job and can support the children . She constantly lets them down not turning up for appointments not picking my eldest daughter up from work when she has agreed to . I want to know where I go from here why is she able to claim all these benefits and yet do absolutely nothing for the children , when I questioned it I was told as we’re not married I have no parental responsibility’s. Looking for some advice
Kay 28 Aug 2020
I have a friend who separated from their girlfriend and she is now refusing him to see their child, what rights as a Father does he have? What can he do to get visitation, would he have to go through the courts?
Lee 27 Aug 2020
Hi can you call me to discuss what rights I have a father
Bert 15 Aug 2020
Hi I have a court order that states I am allowed to see my children every other week and their mother has to bring my children down to my city every other month, my issue is that I do not want my children around their maternal grandmother as I know what trauma she has put my children’s mother through when she was growing up and I do believe she has a criminal record involving drugs, I brought this up in court and my kids mothers said she Has no contact with the maternal grandmother however she does have contact and my children sleep over at their grandmothers for a weekend. How do I stop contact between my kids and their maternal grandmother on the grounds I believe they are in danger off suffering mental abuse due to their grandmothers past experiences with doing this to her own children.
Sdwan100 10 Aug 2020
Hello all, basically my wife left in late February of 2020, since then she has made it difficult for me to see my 4 year old son who has Autism she broken his routine and I know this has put a strain on him, she won’t allow him to come home, and spend time with me, she only allows me to see him in the park once a week and I have to text her before a certain time and day if I don’t she usually punishes me and won’t allow me to see my son or do something spiteful and only let me see him for an hour, I try not argue with her because I don’t want that used against me, she staying with her parents, unfortunately I don’t know my rights when it comes to this, I believe where getting divorced, so this is new process for me, but for now I want to see my son more often, where I should start first.
Daddude 7 Aug 2020
My situation is similar to @G-Mac Except I have my two kids 2-3 times per week and more if they need me ( youngest has Autism) so there are additional needs for him and extra time. Now she is talking about moving 100 miles away (which I have no say) and I can see them now and again. So taking them out of school, all Of their family including me is within 30 mins Currently, as well as the youngest support network and because of his Autism change is hard for him. He regularly needs me to call him and come and see him extra days because he just has to see me that minute. With all of this in mind I feel that I should have some say in some of what’s going on? It seems we have no rights as a dad?
Dee 6 Aug 2020
Me and my partner have recently split and he’s now asking me to sign the kids over so he can go to the council and get a flat. I don’t believe this is going to work the way he believes. Obviously I don’t wanna see him on the streets because he’s currently sofa jumping. Does anyone have any advice
Bothered 17 Jul 2020
Hi all I have a question. Is it unfair for my ex to expect me to use 4 weeks of my annual leave as time with my children? I don’t want to sound selfish and I know that many fathers are stuck unable to see their kids but I wondered if there was a legal point to this? I only get 25days leave which would mean I would not be able to take time away with my partner. Am I being a selfish guy here or is it unfair to expect this?
G-Mac 13 Jul 2020
Can anyone tell me if there is any specific guidance relating to travel time/distance between seperated parents? I would like my son (almost two years old) to stay with me for two nights every week, but my ex thinks the distance is too far for him to do every week. I live 100 miles away and it's approx 2 hours in the car. I'd like to think we could meet half way to make it manageable. I know it's not ideal, but I'd find it difficult to only see him once every two weeks. Any advice appreciated, thanks.
Loobylou 7 Jul 2020
My son separated from his ex after being coerced into having a baby to get a council flat. They have been apart for a year. She has had boyfriends in this time but as soon as he got a girlfriend recently who has a little girl she stopped him seeing his daughter. She is violent and controlling, even her dad has threatened my son. She has tracked his phone, stalked our house and I think she is mad. He used to have his 4 year old daughter every weekend but now he can see her for two hours a week in a public place with his ex and her dad watching. My son has done his mediation interview but she is delaying or refusing to do hers. He is treated like a criminal and so are we. Her birthday is coming up and he won't be allowed to see her. Is there any way to hurry up the process? Can he insist on his rights to see her without being watched?
C laurie 25 Jun 2020
@stevie.dont blame yourself .i am the same I dont see my daughter been 11 years .if I had my time again this is (gods truth) I would have (planned proper and took my daughter full-time And never let her mother see her )because her mother was unfit to be a (parent )her own family would even say it she couldn’t even look after her first son her (elderly parents in there twilight years had to how that’s saying something).i pity the thought off what my (beautiful daughter) went though growing up with her .if she come to me now she would never go back to her mother .
Stevie 25 Jun 2020
Its six years since I was in contact with my daughter. Her mother just cut all contact off with me, even though we had an arrangement through divorce proceedings that I would have midweek access and every other weekend. The reason she stopped this is that I formed another relationship. I was a good father had a great relationship with my daughter, I blame myself for letting it go on this long, I should have nipped it straight away. My reason was that I didn't want my daughter to go through what I witnessed has a child, arguments and fighting. There isn't a day that I don't think about her. Its not right that fathers are treated this way, I am paying for her up keep through CMS. the law must change we have much right as their mothers on the upbringing. HELP!!!
Pete 24 May 2020
I apologised in advance if my question has already been answered in regards to child contact. I currently work shifts and Have 2 overnights with my children every 9 days when I’m off work. Recently I have been asking for an extra night during my working week, where I would pick them after work (5;30) and either return them the following morning or take them to school. My ex , who is extremely controlling , has refused , without giving a reason . My question is am I being reasonable to have an extra night ? And if I were to take this mater to court what would be the most likely outcome ?. ( mediation is not an option as my ex has refused ). Many thanks .
C 11 May 2020
Hi there.. Looking for advice my brother inlaw is divorced and has two kids one 19 and one 9. His ex will not allow him to see his youngest son and has sent police to him and they advices him not to make any contact with her! He is at a complete loss and desperately wanting to see his son. I am trying to help but don’t know where to start! Any help or advice would be much appreciated. Thanks
Leroy 7 May 2020
I am having trouble with my sons mother over my son she won’t let me take him on my own now because she don’t like my g f she won’t let me make any decisions and it always has to be on her terms she wants to control we’re and when I can see him once I have p/r will this stop these problems I just wamt to be able to have my son agreed times without being in her company
Richie 6 Mar 2020
Hi all, Again...if this issue keeps popping up then apologies in advance. Me and my ex split up 13 years ago. I have a child aged 17 and another 14. My ex chose to have another two with her new man. Therefore she has the responsibility of the 4 children SHE has chosen to take on. Whereas I have responsibility of 2 with her...phew ?? So...I have paid her since splitting and losing my job which has left me unemployed for 12years due to her leaving me in a dark place, causing medical issues. Anyway, since our split despite earning zero I have paid approx. 700% more in child maintenance payments since splitting up. I ended up losing all savings I had and in February 2019 I stopped paying her completely! I spoke with the CMS and they couldn’t believe it telling me as I was unemployed I didn’t have any obligations to pay!....obviously I gave her what I could for our 2 kids....to an affordable extent but never (with highensight) knew where I stood legally regarding payment amounts. My ex hasn’t had a penny off me since Feb 2019 as she has what I feel now like she has openly stolen from me as much as she could because of me not doing my homework ?? Is there anyway I could possibly get back some of that huge amount she has stole from me so I can put it to good use now I have my one daughter staying here 80% of the time despite me still seeing my youngest for less than 24hrs a fortnight? I’m going to guess the answer is no but I know for a fact that the money given did not go towards my 2’s welfare. It went towards the deposit and then the monthly mortgage payments because they now upped and moved to Stourbridge and not here in Birmingham anymore. I was paying £240p/m for the last 8 months until my money ran out and as the law states that if I am unemployed I didn’t have to pay a penny and I don’t have that anymore. I’ve lost my house and live with my aged parents now! So...ultimately, are or is there any way I can reclaim all of that money for my 2 kids that was never used towards them? Not my ex’s and her now husbands house and the pre-moved deposit on it. I bet you can tell how annoyed I feel about having the p*** taken out of me by such a ruthless mother of my 2 kids knowing this too! Please put my mind at rest and give me an answer.
John 4 Mar 2020
I used a McKenzie friend for advice and support at court much cheaper than solicitors I have used in the past.
Gary 3 Mar 2020
Hi, I have parental responsibility over my two children, age 10 and 15, who live with their mother. I am separated but have a child arrangements order in place that gives me contact on alternate weekends and half of holidays. Recently my ex partner has been censoring/blocking Skype/text contact with youngest son with no reason given. There are no court orders blocking this type of contact. My question is what rights do I have in contacting my children in this way and what rights does my ex have in unilaterally blocking these communications? Thanks in advance.
Beaver 24 Feb 2020
My GF is pregnant and has grown up in the care system I no longer want to continue our relationship due to the fact i have been with her 4 years have done nothing but try to help her get into work etc but have just been abused mentally & Verbally throughout and i am taken for granted everyday she has never worked she is 21 I/m 25 and have worked since 19 we have been through a abortion before due to finance issues etc but this time she is planning to keep it although she has been saying she is having a abortion because of finance reasons she is now making out she is being forced by social services to keep the child knowing i completely disagree with her decision as it is not right for a child to be brought up by someone who has no regards for other people she has stolen money from me in the past and now i want out of the situation i cannot let her have my child as it's not fair to bring it into the life she leads throughout the pregnancy she has smoked, drank, Used Illegal Substances and although i can't bare to think of letting her bring my child up I also cannot bare to Live 18 years tied to this person as my life has been overshadowed by hers for the past 4 years and i just want my life back i have written up a document for her to read and sign which will strip me of any responsibility regarding the upbringing and financial issues i have only done this as she believes she can do it all alone and has said she has no intentions of getting a child maintenance order etc but as a male We all now Women say one thing but mean another my question is will this document be legally binding once signed by both parties I have no intention of signing the birth certificate as i have doubts if it is mine too where do i stand i would love to go for full custody but i am not prepared to go through months of hell for it so i would like to cut my ties i would be a brilliant dad but with Mother who understands the world not one who's life is over if she misses coronation street holly oaks emmerdale etc Please help me understand the situation as i have been kept out of the pregnancy from the start and lied too and i'm not prepared to raise a child that i have already stated i'm not ready for mentally physically or emotionally not for myself but for the well being of the child when it's born i also feel that this needs to be looked at further in the government as equal rights are not practised where Pregnancy and parents are concerned so the system Is a lie
Jhss 8 Jan 2020
My son in laws ex is mentally torturing his child. She has 3 other children to different fathers and another one on the way. He has her every weekend but his ex rings up complaining that his daughter causes lits of problems and issues and I'm putting her on a mattress in the hallway so she cant be near the other children. He asked to speak to his daughter but the mother refused. He's so upset as we all are . Tgere must be something or somewhere he can do or go to. He's so frightened she stops her from seeing him. Any advice would be so welcome .
Little legs 29 Dec 2019
My ex partner as residency of my 12 year old boy my 10 year old boy and my girl 7 and is dying do the children come back to live with me of this happens
Grim Flow 29 Dec 2019
The law is not in a fathers thought at all. We aren't criminals yet we are treated as we are the scum of the earth. The CMS are broken. How can a person just pat £20 and enforcement of a % taken without any validation on circumstance. She receives more than I earn from benefits lives in a 3 bedroom house rents out the rooms for extra income yet I work everyday to barely afford a small 1 bed apartment. She the demands mote than 25% of my net income putting me in a position that either I move to a flatshare or I have to move away from my kids. What life is this broken CMS making our children live in. It's one where the CMS are helping absent fathers be more absent. It's helping money grabbing women extort money out of men. It's leaving kids with no fathers. FAMILY COURT IS BROKEN AND CURRENTLY BREAKS FAMILIES.
Rami 13 Dec 2019
There is nothing here about which UK laws are broken by mothers who deliberately block their children's access to their father typically by malicious underhand means.
C.laurie 11 Dec 2019
@cherry.if mother off child reads this ?.women you stay out off my (business )you have (no control loser)if I want to be a (criminal or a dole bludger) I will (do it )if I want (gods truth )you better stop (following me two gods truth )this is a word to the wise .and I will f ing live where the f I want two.i answer to (no one) this is gods truth .
C.laurie 11 Dec 2019
@cherryx.if the child’s mother reads this ?.i hope she does (gods truth).a word to the wise stay away from my (house and my business )I just want to tell her you are not apart off my (life )and (never will be gods truth )this a (serous warning).i will never talk to her again (gods truth this is no game ).i am serous person and you can bank on my word .( I will see the child when she has her own house and her own life away from the mother this (gods truth ).
Chris 10 Dec 2019
@cherryx.i found some peace in my life now settled down or getting older one off the two I am not sure .i am glad I signed passport papers I signed for the (child ).best thing now the child is nearly off age so I won’t need to sign anything anymore and when she moves out off her (mothers) and into her (own place) I will come see her and (introduce myself to her that’s my plan )and (try) build some sort off relationship with her .
Chris 10 Dec 2019
@cherryx.after reading your story .i am on this child’s birth certificate and she went on holiday to USA with her mother and family .i signed the passport papers because apparently her mother was going to take her to (Disney land ).i don’t like her( mother) we get on like (Israel and Palestine ).but couldn’t deny the (child)a trip like that what little kid wouldn’t like (Disneyland )so I signed the papers and Spoke to a official women on the phone answering questions to (prove I was the father ).i really had to (think )when (answering questions) because I didn’t have contact for many years and still don’t I haven’t been to (court )but I see her when she is older when she has her (own mind )and can do what she wants without her mother and father in her ear .
Cherryx 10 Dec 2019
I’m going on holiday with my children and my parents at the end of December and have been some arguments between me and the child’s dad recently he has threatened to be spiteful and try to stop me from taking them As his name is on the birth certificate, he has no reason for concerns it’s just spiteful was due to a recent argument and he doesn’t seem to understand how much the children would be upset this is a holiday of a lifetime to Mexico can you please tell me where I stand on this ?
Sammy 6 Dec 2019
My partner has a court order in place to have unsupervised visits with his daughter at a contact centre, he is not allowed any direct contact with his daughters mum, on his birthday his ex sent him a birthday card from his daughter and he wants to send a letter to his ex but he’s not allowed any direct contact....please can someone point us in the right direction
Chris 21 Nov 2019
@deebarsy.i would say to your daughter well I no it’s been 5 years without contact .how about you come have lunch with me and we can talk face to face about you wanting to be adopted.if it was me I would listen to her .us I am a good judge character and if she (truly wanted )it I would sign the paper .
Deebarsy 21 Nov 2019
My 13 yeqr old daughter has asked me to sign adoption papers so her step dad can adopt her i havent seen her for 5 years can i stop the adoption
Gannie 9 Nov 2019
Can my sons ex refuse to put him on the birth certificate, he as a son who is 3.... from last relationship An they get on great.. he just wants to be his daddy... the law is really unfair to dads who want to do the right thing for there children but stupid law stops them.. he an jus girlfriend was still together wen she found out she was pregnant... he was so excited... now got the family he always wanted But.. then she drop bombshell I don’t want you anymore you can see him for a hour once a week and your not going on birth certificate He will be registered as father in know.... can she do that or is she breaking the law
Peter 29 Oct 2019
My wife and I have split from our marriage. We have a 5 months baby..what rights do I have?
Copey 28 Oct 2019
My wife and I are currently going through a separation and divorce. She is adamant that we are not selling the house and wont allow me 50/50 access for our 4 year old. Where do i stand on this?
A1991 27 Oct 2019
Hi I’m looking for some advice my partner has not seen his son since he was 7 month old as his mother has stopped all contact and communication he has already been to court as she tried to have his name changed the judge said no as he didn’t see any reason why she would want that and saw no reason he shouldn’t be allowed contact we can’t go to court till we have tried mediation but she just won’t turn up for mediation and ignores the letters and all contact from him and his family I’m due to have a baby in April and don’t want my baby to grow up not knowing their sibling he is an excellent roll model to my 3 other children from a previous relationship also she has had his son christened without consent and applied for a passport without his signature how is this possible any advice would be appreciated
Confused 16 Oct 2019
My wife and I are separating and she is taking them to a caravan in their half-term. I wanted to take them to see my parents and stay over night with them and then drop off at the caravan. My eldest daughter 9 yo, doesn't want to and my youngest 4 yo is unaware of the situation, he is quite happy doing whatever. My wife has said they can choose to come with me or not and she is not going to force them. What rights do I have in this situation to be able to see our children. She is beginning to be difficult and is now saying that I can stay in the caravan to help out etc. Any advice please.
JaneXx 6 Oct 2019
My partner has 2 children that live 5.5 hour drive away (sometimes 7) when roads are busy. We travel up and down the country one weekend every 4-6 weeks to see his children. The mother of his children drives too so was just wondering if she has to help with travel too i.e meet us half way with the children. As we spend so much money on fuel and accommodation. He pays her CSA so it’s not like he doesn’t pay for his children.
Charlie's angels 6 Oct 2019
Help please my ex is planning to go to court. There's new friend.my son has been referred for autism screening and steps to take.my ex won't tell me anything.have I the right to be present. With an of the future diagnosis & treatment.wadny married ,am biological father on birth certificate .I know my right to ask for medical records. ?? Many thanks charlie
Swanky 5 Oct 2019
The mother of our grandson wants parental rights removed from the farther (our son ), can she do this if the farther has not seen his son for some time,due to the mother being obstructive, he is paying csa they separated because the relationship broke down ,that’s all ,can anyone give advice thanks
Nickylou78 15 Sep 2019
Can anyone help a moved away from domestic violence with my two children and a handed my 1year old over for contact that was a thursday she still isnt home and now cause a moved after he broke my nose social are saying cause he put in major concerns a cant have her home until am assesed av done nothing wrong apart from move away to keep my self and kids safe but yet they have left my 1yr old in a mans care who is violent what can a do
WC 9 Sep 2019
My partners ex won’t let me see their child on the days he has them I was seeing them and now she’s said no But this means I have now been torn away from his family etc When he has their child for the day is it up to him or do we have to go by what she has said
GC 5 Sep 2019
I know this may seem petty but please I just want to know where I stand on thisday to day decision making. I pre-arranged (with the mother knowing) for my 1yr old to stay with my niece (17) and nephew (19) whilst I went to the barbers for no more than an hour, I 100% trust them. My partner 1 week later has said that she thinks I was bang out of line leaving her with immature children and that shes going to citizens advice to see if theres anything she can do about it and to see if I'm allowed to make these kind of decisions since she believes she has more rights than me. Yes I can see that she was nervous with it but so was I since it was the first time but I'm sorry, surely I can make those decisions no? She even knew about it prior. Apologies if this isnt the right place for this but, was I within my rights doing what I done?
Mjk 24 Aug 2019
Hi My Brother has separated from his wife. They have three kids between them. The two younger ones live with the mom and the older one (13) lives her dad. The ex wife as told my brother that the older one should not be living with him. She said the law said so. I have not heard this...would anyone know if it’s true please?
Penny 23 Aug 2019
I would like to ask and few questions please , my son has a 13 year old son and he have shared access, but he can only communicate though me but I have to communicate though his ex’s, ex boyfriend. We asked if she would allow my son to take his son on holiday abroad, this is the first time he had ever asked, though text she agreed, and said she will apply for the passport but my son will have to pay half, in which he did, she said the passport was sent on the 13 July 2019, but when we asked why it was taking so long, her ex boyfriend because off hand and started calling my son to me, but I put him in is place, I told that is only takes 3 weeks after applying, he shout say it’s be sent, so my son tried to ask the ex’s, ex boyfriend but he was abusive, then phoned me and said that my son is not allowed now to take his son on holiday, my son asked his did he sign the passport, because a child aged 12 to 15 has to sign the passport application, he said no , the passport office could only say that the passport should have arrived if she sent for one, then said if my sons , son did not sign then they don’t think she had applied for his passport........... I have every text say she gave my son permission to take his son abroad, and took the money for the passport.......... can she do this, there is not court order for parental responsibility............
Joseph 18 Aug 2019
I have a girl friend and we dated for 7 months immediately she got pregnant at the 8 months she told me she does not want me anymore in a relationship all because she wanted the baby to bear her last name and she went at my back to deliver the baby with her parents without notifying me and my name was not listed on the birth certificate after had spent alots of money by getting baby stuffs and everything. Pls what can i do to get my own right as the father of the baby.
Melee 11 Aug 2019
I wanted in a relationship with my daughters mother. She was born 10/07/19. I had only been with her mother since October 2018. The pregnancy was accidental however we decided to have the baby. I was fully supportive and started giving her money for herself for maternity wear and signed over my death benefit for her and the baby in case anything happens. I also volunteered to get baby items needed. However she split with me in March. This made things quite tentative regarding my role as a father. (I am already a lone parent for 18 years as my sons mother died when he was 18 months old). and so want to be involved with my new born daughter. However my daughters mother refused to discuss the most simple things regarding our unborn child. Nor did she inform me when my daughter was born even though I had an overnight bag ready. I found out thru Facebook off my older sister which I had been blocked from. I visited straight away and was in quite an emotional state when finding out. To cut a longer story short she has registered our daughter without telling me and has her married name used as the surname. As I was not present or informed of register of birth where does this leave me and daughter. Was it illegal for her mother to declare father unknown?
Hayley_joanna 6 Aug 2019
What do the father have to the child if the child has dubble baral last name in the uk
Tomo 5 Aug 2019
My son and girlfriend split and they have a 8 year old daughter. She lives with her mum but my son sees her every week . He is on the birth certificate so could he get a passpot for his daughter
Dee 3 Aug 2019
Hi I have a friend whose partner the mother has not been advising truthfully where she is taking their children, they are staying overnight with him at his flat - she has asked for full address details - does he have to do that?
J 17 Jul 2019
Hi. I am a mum of two 7 and 5 I work week 16 hrs a week, my ex is navy still is for 3 years till he comes out. He works away for the last 7 years away home etc works at present away in the week. Home weekends etc. as we r not together what is the rights for custody etc the kids only ever know home as my house .as home is there !!! Please help I understand dads have rights and I am happy with that but his job always is away with the last 2 years he was away for 6months I feel that I have rights to say the kids r stable at mine and that right also that he come home for 2 nights and I have the rest ? He has them at his parents as he doesn't have a house down hear so on that note I have a home for the kids this is them what legal place does he have
H 12 Jul 2019
Hi just seeking a bit of help if possible! I am currently serving in the Army, I split with my ex wife around 3 years ago and she moved back to her hometown with my now 6 year old daughter around 80 miles away, it started off rough but in time all began to become good and we were meeting halfway on a friday and sunday so I could have my daughter in my house near my camp for the weekend. This went on for a good year and half or so. She is now pregnant to a baby with a different father and is now saying when the baby is born she is not going to travel halfway to meet me and I wi have to do the full trip down and back. Is there anything that can be done for this matter or do I literally just have to suck it up. Any help much apreciated.
CK 5 Jul 2019
Hi, a friend of mine is currently having issues with his ex wife demanding that he gives her current husband PR for their children; under the pretence of something happening to her, leaving her unable to care for her children. My friend is a very involved father and sees his children on a regular basis, his name is on their birth certificates. He is obviously worried that his ex wife has some kind of ulterior motive. Does he have anything to worry about ?
Dad 30 Jun 2019
Hi I have 3 children ages 14, 16 and nearly 18 in October from a previous relationship and now married with 2 step kids. My ex has stopped me having any contact at all for about a year until last week. I've just found out my ex has kicked my eldest out and now living with my parents. My ex text my mum to say she's signing all her parental responsibility and child benefit to my mum. I believe my eldest should live with me and my wife. Where do I stand as they are nearly 18 and I've been an absent dad.
Hayley Dowds 24 Jun 2019
hello, wondering if anyone can give me some information. my partner and i live in cyprus (where we met) as he is currently serving. before moving here his contact with his child was very limited, unfortunately the mother makes things very difficult. he took the posting for cyprus as he would see his son more even though he was in a different country. as things have become very strained between the parents we are seeking legal guidance but unsure where to start - my partner does not want to take his son away from his mother. only to see him as we are to move home very shortly, so contact needs to be constant as he’s leaving the military in order to keep her happy and see his son more. can anyone give us some pointers as to where to begin!?
Dan 20 Jun 2019
Hi, I have a 14 year old daughter and 11 year old son, my partner of 20 years illegally locked me out the family home in Dec, our relationship became toxic before this and for the kids sake I had to stay away because she is very abusive. After a moth or so of sleeping on friends couches I got my own place but with CSA payments and living alone I am struggling to start proceedings for access to the children who she has turned against me massively. I didnt abandon them I was locked out and really need to get them back in my life. Am really struggling to cope and would appreciate and advice given. Thanks.
L.1 4 Jun 2019
Id like to respond to a comment left by Bullet on 5th May. I am in a similar situation. Has anyone been able to advise you?
Leed 2 Jun 2019
My ex is seeing a guy who has money and likes taking vacations, now she's making plans to go on vacations with him without consulting me, but expecting me to take my vacations when she wants, and I'm sick of it, so I've complained and she's threatened to take me to court to try and obligate me to take on the kids during half their school vacations, can she she do this?
Mark 28 May 2019
Hi all, hoping someone might have been through a similar situation. My 12year son and 10year old daughter moved away from Bournemouth to the Isle Of Wight late last year. My son has since been in trouble with school and I would like to bring him home back to Bournemouth. I don't think his mother will challenge as I think its easier for her to let him move back ( she is an ok mother ). I plan to bring him to live with me, what im struggling to work out is how to have him and his sister at the same time so they get to see each other. Anyone in a similar situation? also how does ot work with trying to get him back into his old school? All help greatly appreciated, from a dad just trying to do the best for his son - thanks Mark
Lyn 23 May 2019
My son has 2 children not married but see children he is living back at home but we have a autistic child so the children can not stay at our house his ex keeps going on saying we should have them here but it's hard work when there here and my responsibility is with autism son
lin 8 May 2019
Hi my son ex has stopped access after 5 year because he is in a new relationship. They split when child was 6months old . He pays maintenance. And is normally allowed to have her 4 times a year for a week at a time. He face times daily sometimes 2 to4 times a day . What can he do ??the mother has stopped all contact. Please advice
Bullet 5 May 2019
I split with my ex nearly 3 years ago and have 2 young children with her 4 & 6. I had to go to court to gain access to see my girls and finally have a court order in place. Despite Social Services now putting my children on an at risk plan they still remain with their drug taking abusive mother. Social Services have been completely useless, obstructive and have now begun to bully & harass me as I will not comply with their way to do things. Has anyone else had dealings of this sought or can offer advice ?? Thanks in advance
Carl 23 Apr 2019
Just wondering if anyone can help, myself and my ex wife have split nearly 2 years ago, me and our 3 year old son have a amazing relationship, hes my world. I work shifts so on my days off ill have him overnight. This has never been a issue but now i have a new partner my ex has stopped me seeing our son, unless i agree to have him 2 nights a week but bearing in mind i get 2 nights off a week as i got to do extra shift every week to pay a muterel agreememt in child maintenance, so when do i get to see my new partner who also works shifts. Would you say im being unreasonable in trying to keep it one night a week ? I also do see him a couple times a week before i go to work. Everything's been ok for over a year but like i say its only since i have go a new girlfriend.
Clarky29 20 Apr 2019
I use to see my daughter every 2weeks for 3 hours, now I've moved up north with my new partner I see my daughter once every month, my ex is trying to force me to sign a Step-father Parental Responsibility form... I refused to sign this form & now she says she'll just get the court to give me a order to sign it, Is there anything i can do to stop this going forward.
Strings 17 Apr 2019
Since divorce, the ex provides 50% residency of the children and I also provide 50%. This negates child maintenance payments, but the Family Allowance and Tax Credit only paid to 'primary parent', even though no material difference. What can be done to redress this?
Loki 10 Apr 2019
I am going on holiday and got permission from my ex the passports and everything from my ex. Now two weeks before we go she's threatening to not let me take her unless she's 100% happy about demands of phone calls etc while away. Bear in mind she went away last year and all I got was one text. Where do I stand if she refuses to let my daughter go?
dani 8 Apr 2019
My father didn't give his name. How can I have his name legally under British laws? I m sure there must be ways around for this.
Titch 22 Mar 2019
Hi...i was wanting to know if a father is allowed to take his 3 yr old child away from their and their mothers doctors surgery and put his child in his own practice without his ex' girlfriends ( the childs mother) consent?
Keepsmiling 21 Mar 2019
I am looking for any advice and/or free legal advice re: contact with my son and to prohibit my ex wife from trying to get my son adopted by her husband. I do have PR but she has recently attempted to bribe me to give up my PR in exchange for not paying child maintenance.
Dai 20 Mar 2019
I have a son he lives in England and I live in Wales I'm on the birth certificate. I'm wondering if I can have my son on weekends with me in Wales?
Davep89 15 Mar 2019
I live in Swindon and travel back to Manchester every week to see my son my question is is it my responsibility to do all the traveling or should it be split between me and his mum?
Mcgregor 14 Mar 2019
@conor .you are in the same boat as me my only advise is solicitor.i had a child to a women and I was on the birth certificate.she fat out refuses to talk to me .she told me years ago that she got a new daddy and said to me you are like Rodney you don’t realise to it is right under your nose I don’t respect you then I was jailed for short period as I sit in the cell I said myself once I get out off hear she can have her new daddy I am done .that was 10 years ago haven’t seen them sence .
Connor 14 Mar 2019
My ex partner who I have had a child with never put me on the birth certificate and kept me from seeing her , she won’t agree to mediation or a parental plan , every time I ask to see my daughter she ignores me. I don’t know what steps to take first any help would be great .
Jakethesnake 14 Mar 2019
@firsttimedad.you sound like a decent man but in reality brother I know what you wanted but that doesn’t mean that was what (she wanted) not everyone thinks the same it’s the (21 century) .my advice is get a solicitor (ASAP)for rights to children and see your local( g p doctor )for your suicidal thoughts (ASAP)there is help .ok a insight into my personality I am a 37 year old Caucasian male lean body average looking like 3.5 drinks like fish smokes like train unemployed practically technically homeless I have (lodgings)with elementary level off education introverted lonely and bored that lives in my own world with mild disability and speech impediment but we all got something right?now I been trying to see my daughter for the last 10 years I am busted broke everyone is telling me it’s to late and to move on any advice for me ?
Sha 11 Mar 2019
My son mother has stopped me seeing my son cause I won’t give her my new address where I live with my girlfriend and she says by law she has to have my address but cause she has a tendency to make threats and said family to my old address....my ? Is do I have to give her my new address
R3ggie86 10 Mar 2019
Hello i have a son with a ex partner never seen him or her since before he was born. Am not on the birth certificate and have no contact i was paying through the child maintence service however my ex got married and then i got a letter saying the case is closed. Can anyone help me with this has my son been adopted or do you think she just doesnt want my money which is highly unlikely thanks
Kriti 27 Feb 2019
It's about mutual understanding between you and your partner. If your partner doesn't allow you then you can seek the help of the court. You can have to file an application for this in court.
Kriti 27 Feb 2019
@rash He should try mediation process with his girlfriend so that both can get mutually agree to some terms and conditions.
Paul 24 Feb 2019
Hi. My ex partner had our only child 3 weeks ago. It has be tough to start with but I have managed to see my child on and off for the past 3 weeks. My ex partner has not allowed me to be involved with the child day to day maintenance like feeding for example. My ex partner has recently said that I am not allowed to see my child until he is older. I am on the birth certificate and considering mediation route but I do not think my ex partner will agree to this. What can I do ?
Emalou 14 Feb 2019
Hi my partner is separated from his kids mum, they were never married but he does have parental Responsibility as he is on both birth certificates. My question is where do we stand legally with the following? My partner has contacted the boys school and nursery to request a copy of their school reports and paperwork, however, nursery have said that legally they are not allowed to give us copies of these without the mums permission. She does not have “custody” (or Whatever it’s called now) the boys just love with her not us. Do we need her permission or is there something in writing that could support our request for this info? Thanks
BIG P 12 Feb 2019
Hi Im New seowrated devoted father. I'm hoping someone can help my daughter go's to school that her mother chose her mother is in and out of relationships often and I have a feeling that different people are picking my child up from school I have asked the school but they have not told me do I have to be informed and give permission for my child to be picked up by someone else? I have full parental responsibility. Please help.
Dee 5 Feb 2019
Can anyone help My son's (non- biological) children have been taken into care from their Mother. My son split up with their mother 2 yrs ago after 4 yrs together but still saw the children including his own daughter. Last year my son moved his own biolgical daughter from living with her mother to living with him because he was worried for her safety. He has continued to have the other 3 children every other w/end . The social have now removed them from their Mother stating "significant risk of harm" this has been expected for some time, but the social worker, or any of the protection team will not discuss, or even talk to my son about what happens to them because he's not the (biological father) He's going out of his mind with worry, they have 3 sets of grandparents and a step father (my son) who would look after them but they won't even listen to us. Can anyone help, what do we do ????
Ronny 20 Jan 2019
@jsmithe.you sound broken tried and worried .mate I have never in a million years seen men who carry on like this I can see you are from a different generation then me .mate you be right your,children be right .my x,tries to find the good in me don’t understand why she would maybe hoping I will turn into a naive kid,again so she can porn the kids off to me so she can live the single life( I live )and she craves .to bad I said put the child in care problem solved.
Jsmithe 20 Jan 2019
I pay maintenance every month and I want to ensure I’m seeing my children as much as I can, I have been told that I’m only allowed to see them once a week is this right? Surely I’m entitled to see them more.
Lar 11 Jan 2019
Hi... Can I have some adivice. I have 2 daughters 2 years ago around about now there dad tried to hit me and my mum. Both girls saw this happen and were very scared.. he was later sectioned for mental health issues ... Since then he hasn't seen the girls for about 4 months I got a random text or phone call about them and he did give me some money for them.. but that all just stopped... He has set up a contact center 3 times but he failed to turn up I had to physically pull my eldest daughter in there because she didn't want to see him as she was scared of him... Now getting more to the point what rights does he actually have as it's been nearly 2 years no contact nothing.. my girls don't even know who he is anymore but that's all down to his actions... I'm currently in a great relationship my partner worships my girls does everything a daddy should do... Just stuck on passports ect and his rights...
Stace 3 Jan 2019
Does anyone know what rights a father has to his child despite separating from the mother 8 years ago and choosing pretty no contact within those years apart from two visits last year and three visits over four years prior to that Any advice would be appreciated
Wingingit 1 Jan 2019
Hi there I have no idea if this is the right place to post?! My situation is very different and I’m hoping some of you dads can help. Me and my husband separated a year ago, we have 2 biological together and I have an older child from a previous relationship who he took on as his own. My problem is he doesn’t take the kids he sees them at my house, we split due to me catching him texting someone else and told him if he didn’t love me then leave. I have been amicable about him seeing the kids as he was a very hands on dad and had a strong bonds with them all. I’ve always said he can see or even have them whenever he likes, however he refuses to talk about anything he doesn’t pay towards the kids even when I have asked him to buy them shoes he don’t, I have asked him more recently to start taking the kids as he only sees them once a week our daughter is very confused and has big rejection issues as she was very much a daddy’s girl and the bond she had with him was like none I had ever seen he had to be the one to do everything for her and then like a hot potatoe she’s been dropped I try to explain that daddy still loves her and misses her so much everyday but she doesn’t understand why he’s not present. I’m trying to get my life together but I think after a year it’s time he stopped coming to my house to see the kids, I don’t understand why he won’t discuss this nor will he confirm he has a new partner yes the one he was texting, i really don’t get it if we are to work together then we need to communicate but he won’t, I have no one in my life and that’s fine, my kids are my everything I’m not interested. If anyone has any advice I’d greatly appreciate it. Thanks
Alphabetty 30 Nov 2018
My friend has been married for around 6 years, in that time his wife has been unfaithful 3 times to his knowledge. He has a son with his wife, and she conceived and had a son by another man while they were married. My friend, being a good guy, decided to stay in the marriage because he felt that her behaviour was brought about due to undiagnosed mental illness. He has brought up the child that is not his, who has significant learning difficulties, as his own, investing both emotionally and financially to his upbringing. The biological father is not named on the birth certificate and has played no part in his life. Recently my friend learned that his wife had been unfaithful yet again, and since she is now medicated for her previously undiagnosed mental illness he felt that there was no other choice but to leave. He decided to leave the house to enable the boys to have stability, despite it really being his wife who should leave (it's his house) but her behaviour has become a concern-bringing a new partner into the house to meet the boys and stay over against my friend's wishes (within 2 weeks of him leaving), smoking in front of the children, drinking heavily during the week, screaming and swearing at him in front of them etc. He's only just started the divorce process and is considering going for custody, and although it shouldn't be a problem for his biological son, he doesn't know where he stands legally with the child who is not biologically his, and I know he wouldn't want to separate the boys. Any advice on what he should do, where he stands? I've already advised him to keep a log of any concerning behaviour that she has exhibited. Thanks!
Macka 20 Nov 2018
Hi. I had a 1 nite stand with a girl and she fell pregnant. We tried giving the relationship a go but didn't work out after 6 months. Since then we have tried 2 more times and got the same result. I work away 3 weeks of the month and home for 1 week. She keeps threatening me that she's going to take my son and not let me see him at all. He is 1 year 6 months and all I think about is him. I dont want any negative energy around my son. Constant texts and threats from her because she cant have her way. And if she doesn't get what she wants she turns into pure evil. I need some help please. I need my son to see and have his daddy in his life. Please help me
JC 11 Nov 2018
I'm a 22 year old who has been set up by a girl, she has literally rinsed my bank and my parents too. She told us she hated her mum, had no relationship with her, had nowhere to live. She pretty much moved in, said she was infertile. She fell pregnant and the baby was due at the end of August. My parents helped us set up a home and everything was provided, you name it we bought it. She had no contact with her mum. A month before the baby was due she changed the locks while I was out. I had to get the police to get my personal belongings. We had no contact, she told me to drop dead. She called when she was in labour and I went to the birth. She said she wanted me to be his dad. I saw the baby for the first week then she had a headfit and told me she was doing everything by herself. She told me I would be named as the dad but she then said she'd cancelled the registration appointment because she was busy. She lied and registered him without me on the certificate. She's now sent a csa demand and I'm going to do a DNA test. If he's mine I want to reregister his birth and seek contact. Any advice when I'm dealing with a hardfaced, uncaring and unreasonable ex?
Shazza 10 Nov 2018
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JJP-S 4 Nov 2018
Hi all, I'm really hoping somebody can help me with advice, as I can't seem to create an account. So, 6 years ago, I had a 1 month relationship with a colleague. We remained friends and within a week of us splitting she was with another colleague, and that relationship lasted about a year, give or take. I found out that I could be a father 3 months before our daughter was born, and due to circumstances I had an independent DNA test, proving I was the father. Since then, I've paid money to the mother and seen my girl either every other weekend, or every weekend. The mother has mental health issues and at times, our daughter lived with her grandma without my knowledge. She was then in another relationship that was very abusive and there was a lot of drugs and cheating. Throughout the years, I have remained as my girls rock, and she has always called me daddy, and I've never refused to see her or pay money. I've bailed out her mother on several occasions, where she has spent her money on either alcohol or drugs, and it inevitably meant she couldn't pay her bills. Now I'm in a completely new situation, one that has even dumbfounded myself. She started a new relationship with an ex-police officer, who has been on long term sickness, roughly 6 months ago. Within a month, she moved into his house. They were engaged within 2 months, and now, from several sources I have heard that they plan on moving to Germany to get away from the debts that they are both in. My name is on her birth certificate, and I remain in frequent contact with my daughter, however, her mother has become increasingly problematic since denying she take our daughters passport. I plan to take her on holiday abroad next year, and this has never been an issue. For example, last year I took her to Florida to swim with dolphins. In the last 6 month's she now tells me how to parent my child, when she has spent 5 years doing nothing. I lost my previous job due to her unreliability, she would forget to pick her up from school, and I would have to leave work. How do stop her from emigrating with my child? And how can I be sure that she isn't going to try and manipulate people to do this without my knowledge? Any advice would be fantastic, and appreciated. Many thanks in advance, J
Jackie 27 Oct 2018
@A.thats pretty sound advice.i myself have to watch myself because I can easily get in a fight with my x and I will send abusive messages and challenge them to a fight it’s a defect I have working on it .but in my situation I can guarantee I will never send messages or speak to my x ever again .as for my daughter I (disown her gods truth as if I would ever be associated again with people like my x ).she think I am narcissist or have learning disabilities and on the spectrum for mild to severe autism have adhd drug and alcohol issues that I am abusive a rapist that I am gay that’s why I am angry because I want break free you name it it’s quite funny to me .truth is I have just moved on and couldn’t care less about what she thinks about me .go see Gordy instead of making fun of me and My Aunty just come out and tell everybody you are a couple .and leave me alone I don’t want your daughter I think she worked that out with my silence and lack of action and the time frame .goodbye .
A 24 Oct 2018
Hi all My partner and I have been together a while, known each other years as friends. He has a 6yr old son with his ex wife, and recently she has stopped my partner seeing his son (usually 3/4 evenings a week plus every other weekend) and she's based this on the fact that she doesn't want her son to be around me.. They are currently going through a divorce, and he has the same rights and responsibility as her. Can she do this? I think she is punishing my partner for moving on and being with a new partner, but really she's just punishing the child. Any advice? The only advice I've given him is to sit tight, not get into any arguments with her, ignore any abusive messages she sends and just to go through the solicitor, rather than have any unpleasant scenes on the doorstep or petty arguments via sms etc
Misc 23 Oct 2018
Hello My partner has an 8year old daughter who he pays Maintenance for monthly and has done every since his ex and he split up. Over the past year his daughters mother has been reducing the time we are allowed to spend with the child, always giving some excuse or another, however when she is here she has a lovely time and doesn't want to go home. We are just wondering how we can set a firm routine for visits without going to court, what are our access rights and what can we legally do in demanding time with child. Many thanks
Lucky 6 Oct 2018
My partner has been divorced for 6 year. He has 2 children and the arrangement for access works well between him and his ex wife. She is now saying that she wants him to have the children for more periods of time over the school holidays. He is unable to do this as doesn't have the holiday or time off from work. We always take the kids away for a week in the holidays as extra but can do more. She said if not she will take him to court to make him have them more. Is this possible? He has stuck to his access arrangement religiously for the last 6 years and now it doesn't suit her she wants to change it? Please help
Lizzie 3 Oct 2018
Hi. If my daughters father has legally changed his surname and it’s different to the one on my daughters birth certificate does he still hold the same rights. My daughter has my surname as we were never married. I just need to know for future reference as believe our case may end up in court. Thankyou.
boffy 29 Sep 2018
Well there is no justice in my case ! ex partner lied in court and got away with it ! no more contact child brainwashed deliberately against me ! cafcass all on sided no wonder people take law into there own hands ! its disgusting makes me sick ..
Billy 27 Sep 2018
I I am separated from my wife that is pregnant and due in a week she is refusing me to be at the birth Do I have the right to be there because I want to
Lear86 25 Sep 2018
Hi. Is it the responsibility of both parents to drop off and collect children? I live 140 miles away from my children. For the past year I have been expected to travel to collect and drop off my children. Is this a fair expectation or should it be shared - for instance; meeting half way? Many thanks.
B 20 Sep 2018
when my son was born my name was not put on the birth certificate. Ive asked my ex for my name to be put on and she is outright refusing, I see my son and i pay her money for him mutually. Is there anyway of getting my name on the birth certificate.
Timsbrother 15 Sep 2018
Hi, I have parental responsibility for son who is 2.5, but the original court order (over 2 years ago) says that he lives with her mother and I see him one over night a week 'rising by agreement'. For 21 months he has lived with me 3/4 nights every week until mother got new boyfriend and decided she no longer needed me to have my son. Contact now reduced to 1 night a week. I also have holiday booked abroad with mother's verbal and text consent. She is now refusing to allow son to go for booked time although she is saying will let him go for less time. (5 days not 10 booked) Applied for Emergency order re holiday and amended order for contact and mother has delayed process at every stage. Refusing mediation then demanding it 3 weeks later for example. Mediator told her that her demands were unreasonable when we attended and recorded that mediation had failed. Finally got it in front of magistrate 2 weeks ago who said he was too busy to hear it and also that it was above his remit so adjourned it to this week. Went before Circuit Judge. Mother lied and said she had submitted statement to court (That cannot be located) outlining safeguarding concerns from Nursery and that son is unhappy to see me. When pushed by judge to agree to 10/provide evidence, she was 'taken ill' and rushed off in ambulance. Case was adjourned until less than a week til we fly and put back to magistrate. CAFCASS have been asked to file a report but I have still to hear from them. Nursery have put in writing that they have no concerns. Mother was fit to pick son up from Nursery same day as hospitalization. I've paid thousands in sols/barristers fees so far and 10 days before we go I still have no clue if I'll be allowed to take him., and very little hope. Any advice? What happens if magistrate refuses to hear it again? Also, what if it goes in my favour and suddenly passport is 'lost'? I would have 2 working days to replace if that happened....
rach 14 Sep 2018
my son and his girlfriend split up over 6 months ago, the girlfriend wants everything her way. he cannot afford to go to court is there anything he can do without costing the earth he want to see his son on some of his term but she keeps changing the rules
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Sep 2018
The link here should help answer your question in full.
Belle 11 Sep 2018
Hi, my partner was granted a contact order which essentially gave him 6 hours contact, twice a week with a view to that increasing over a 6 month period to a point where it was pretty much 50/50 so he could have his son overnight, take him on holiday etc. This never really happened, the mother allowed 6 hours in total twice a week, would not even discuss the option of extending the time, flat out refused that her son could ever stay over and never a holiday. My partner took his son out once over a year ago and his son fell over as kids do, no issues, he told her straight away. The child wasn't hurt and in fact thought it was funny but she said her son had been put at risk and she was removing access. Since then she has agreed supervised visits once a month for maybe an hour just to go for dinner or something similar. She has told my partner he doesn't have to worry about his son not having a father in his life as he has her new partner as a father figure. She has now said that she is safeguarding her son and removing the risk of danger his father puts him in and that she is not prepared to change anything until her son is considerably older (he's almost 6) and that he won't ever be allowed to stay over. My partner tried to start proceedings by going to mediation but she flat out refused to go and says the original order is worth the paper it's written on as she is the one who makes decisions affecting her son. Yes he has PR but what can he do? He's absolutely distraught and just wants to spend time with his son.
Dee 5 Sep 2018
I am seperated from my partner. My son is 5 and i have booked a holiday abroad next may half term my ex is now telling me that i cannot use the passport my son has as she signed the application last year he has my surname. Is she just being difficult snd can i get my son another passport i have never heard of anyone having 2 passport. Could someone pls shed sone light on this. We have not gone through the court as we normally get on well.
Stocksy 5 Sep 2018
My wife and I have separated and now she is only willing to let me see my 2 children 2 weekends a month as she knows full well I cannot have them over night. I was supposed to be seeing them every Saturday. But this hasn't gone through court or anything. What can I do about this. It seems the step daughter is calling the shots on when I can and can't see the kids
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Sep 2018
I am sorry to hear this. A solicitors' letter to your son's ex telling her it is fraudulent to consciously name a non-biological parent of his child on the birth certificate may help in the first instance. Also, your son can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order through the courts, A PSO, is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. Unfortunately, where parents cannot agree on contact, access then it is the remit of the courts to decide. As grandparents you currently have no rights, it would be up to your son to pursue.
TopDoc 2 Sep 2018
My son and his ex-gf are having a baby. She is cutting him out of all appts etc and saying she won't put him on the birth certificate.. She is also threatening to put her new bf as the father and then move away. What rights does my son have And what legal routes does he have to unravel this mess? And what rights do we have as grandparents?
Greens 24 Aug 2018
I am a stay at home parent my other half owns the house and all our bank accounts we have one joint account which enough money goes in to pay bills and for food, every time we get into an argument I'm told to get out of her house and She will take the children away from me is she able to do this, it's causing me to have anxiety and depression cause I'm to scared to stand up for myself In case I lose the kids.
dadlife 21 Aug 2018
Hi, I have a pretty decent realtionship with y childrens mums, however what are my rights if I take a job abroad? In terms of having them come to me for summer holidays etc? thanks in advance for any advice.
c.laurie 20 Aug 2018
@pablo1.i am not the same man i was when with my x she[ repeatedly cheated] and i did nothing about it[ weak controlled little boy back then] .now i haven't seen my daughter years her mother plays games well this little black duck don't want to play anymore i don't care about [my rights] .i have a peaceful easy life every time with my x there is police and fights f that i can't live that way any more i am proud to live like a zombie as my x would say .i am sorry daughter but i am butting me first have a good life .i am done .ps they talk it up you no what would happen i would snap and bust them up and be sitting in the dock again why they walk free .i have grown up .hey its just a child not worth the stress easy fixed i walk away or even better run away .have as many man as you want x GO HARD you will get no trouble from me .i like the current situation gods truth i am sorry i called it will never happen again .ps i wish them well in life just leave me alone .
Pablo1 20 Aug 2018
Me & my ex partner have recently had two mediation sessions & on both occasions were cut short by her.. we agreed to access & so far so good however she has made threats to me not seeing them I am currently getting the funds together for court.. once court is all sorted out can them threats stop.. also I’m looking at taking both my kids on holiday to Florida but Mum is making it difficult. She’s allowing me to take them abroad but only with her stipulation I get 1 week abroad & it has to be a short flight!!
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Aug 2018
If you fear the real possibility of your partner taking your child, then a Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. We have all heard the stories of a parent taking their child for the weekend and not returning them or going abroad with them and it becoming extremely difficult for the other parent to get their child back. Thankfully, this is one of the scenarios that a PSO seeks to prevent. However, as in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
Zombie 16 Aug 2018
My ex husband comes and goes as he pleseas in my daughters life’s.... he has done for the last two years . My one daughter has adhd and learning problems sensory issues and my have autism.she dose not understand.. it upsets her routine all the time ... I have stopped him from seeing them for this reason ..it’s all about what he wants not what’s best for girls . I think his own adhd clouds his judgement... how do I stand legally with this pleases help
Kezza 14 Aug 2018
Hi. My friends ex partner has just had a their baby. She is refusing him to see his daughter and says she isn't putting him on the birth certificate either. She claims he's an unfit father but this isn't true as he as 2 other daughters and has then every weekend and holidays. She's using this child as a weapon and it's completely wrong because she doesn't like him she isn't letting him see her. What's the best route to go down for him as she won't sign a parental responsibility agreement which would give him rights if he isn't been put on the birth certificate. Any help would be appreciated. Thankyou for reading.
Robbie 14 Aug 2018
Hi , I have been refused contact with my little girl for about 8 months now , I've missed out on her last birthday and surely her next Christmas at this rate. I have tried to contact the mother but she refuses me access to see my child as she sees me as irresponsible and unfit to look after her. She has changed her mobile number and blocked me having other forms of communication , I don't know her address , I have tried to talk to her about mediation so we can come to some sort of middle ground and speak on an equal level but she just laughed at me. Am I right in thinking the only thing left for me to try is a court order ? Help please and thank you :)
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Aug 2018
There are no rules or regulations, it is generally something which is sorted out between both parents (if they can do it amicably). If they cannot, , which will help further answer your question.
L 8 Aug 2018
Is there a minimum amount of time my baby has to spend with his father? We are not on good terms and my mental health is deeply affected by my son being away from me. I'd really rather not have him taken from me more than I have to. I appreciate your help.
Chaz 8 Aug 2018
My partners 7 year old son refuses to come round we have had him every other weekend since he was 8 months old and always paid csa .. 2 n half months ago he stopped coming round and his mother simply says he does not want to come and that he is 7 and can make his own descions where do we stand with this as his father is at his wits end on knowing what to do without going to court as we feel this could make him jut want to come even more.
Luc 7 Aug 2018
Hi I recently got with my best friend my partner who I grew up with since I was little and his ex had a child with him and she uses the child against him in so many different ways she hasnt put him on the birth certificate the child hasn't got my partners second name and she only lets my partner have him when she wants him to have him and the only reason she's letting my partner see his son is becuase her new boyfriend told her too and she was fine me being around the child and now all of a sudden after some months she doesn't want me near him for no reason at all now she has found out me and and the child's father are together and is now threatening to not let him see the child I personally don't know her all I know is she has a few personal issues and she was quite verbally abusive to my partners mother at one point saying that she didn't want her to have anything to do with her grandson she got my partner on drugs through their one year relationship she cheated on him twice but now we can't be happy becuase she's got the child to put a hold on him and if he's got the child for weeks like he has done before where she's had mental problems that means I can't be with my partner for weeks what is there that he can do that he can also make a decision who goes around that child aswell and has equal rights as he's not on the birth certificate
steph 5 Aug 2018
hi i've just had my baby and I would like to not be with my partner anymore. we aren't married and in past have history of violence on his part. I am scared as he is good at pretending he is doing good at being dad and that he will take me to court. I've been reasonable of letting him and his family around baby so far but feel trapped can someone advise me thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Aug 2018
You don't say how old your daughter is, as if she is over the age of 11 she will be allowed her opinion if the matter went to court. Likewise, if the father of your child takes the matter to court it is highly unlikely he would be granted overnight or even unsupervised contact if he has chosen not to have anything to do with her in the past and is only now making an application on the back of you applying for child maintenance.
Mim 1 Aug 2018
I'm very unsure what to do, myself and my daughter's father broke up many years ago due to many reasons he immediately got into a new relationship and didn't see his daughter despite the countless efforts I made for them to have contact. I am now requesting money from him as I am struggling and he's basically blackmailed me saying that if he has to pay he wants her overnight. can he do this what is his rights? he is on her birth certificate but he hasn't seen her from the day he walked out and she doesn't want to know him. He has never paid a penny for her or sent her any gifts over the years. He left and started a new family. She is a lot older now and has read messages and solicitors letters and she doesn't want contact with him. Very unsure what to do next.
Gd51 31 Jul 2018
Is it illegal for a parent(mother in this case) to stop all contact without a court order or any involvement from the police? There has been no crime committed by the father. The mother has issues with her ex having a new family of his own as he has been with a new partner for over a year and this all started shortly after the father announced that he was having another child with the new partner. Also the ex has been with a new partner for 3 years, they are married and also having a child as well. She is also accusing the father of being a domestic abuser which is nonsense to make her case valid. The father has sent the c100 form to the court but meanwhile the ex is not allowing any contact which must be emotionally damaging to the child? Is this illegal as a result?
K 29 Jul 2018
My step son (H) is 17 years old and has a son (E). He split from the mother (T) a few months after E was born. T stopped him from seeing E with no reason and H hasnt seen him since. H seems to believe that he cannot take any procedures to see E until H turns 18. I would like to know where to finds answers on what he can do. Surely it cant be true that he cant see his son just because of his age and the mother decided not to let him. Please any help and advice would be a weight off our shoulders
AdamV Editor 26 Jul 2018
@Deno9999 - that's a tricky situation. Can you not try to communicate more and try to come to some sort of truce while living under the same roof? If you move out it doesn't mean things would get better either and you would be able to enforce your PR, if your wife wants to be awkward believe me she can. Try a bit of reverse psychology and try to get some sort of commuincation going. Sometimes thinking of a different way around a solution can work.
dranny 26 Jul 2018
I have been with the mother of my 5 children for 23yr,I have been in all our kids lives from day 1,my ex partner over the years has been violent towards me in front of our kids,she has become very controlling with money,she will call me a dead beat and scum bag if I take to long going to the shops for our household items,I'm continuesley told to f##k off out of her house,she drinks all the time with makes matters worse,when I mention her drinking she tells me I can do what I want,she needs to drink putting up with me,she has tried to commit suicide 3 times in the past 6months,I stopped her with 20 gabapentin in a glass of wine,she is now saying go through court if I want to see me children,I'm at a loss as what to do than
Ky 24 Jul 2018
I'm afraid my partner will leave me and will take my daughter who is less than 6 months old out of the country (Wales) to Derby and restrict my access. I love my daughter and i don't want to lose her.
Step 23 Jul 2018
My child lives with her mother and i pay maintenance, My ex wants me to have my daughter 1 weekend day instead of in the week when i am not at work. i am working weekends now as cant afford to live without the weekend work. I have my child on the day in the week i am off work. she is saying it doesn't give her a break so wants a court order. Can she stop me having my daughter on my day of in the week while she is at work and make me only see her on the weekend days ?
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Jul 2018
I am sorry to hear this. Your only option would be to apply directly to court for a contact order, You can also fill in a C4 form, which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts, Unfortunately, if you have to take this route (if your ex continues not to respond) then it will take time. There is no short route if your ex attempts not to be found. I hope the situation manages to resolve itself and you get to see your kids before it comes to this.
D 22 Jul 2018
My wife has walked out on me and took my two kids with her ive tried ringing texing and fb in her but shes ignoring everythink i do i just wanna no my kids r ok and wanna see them dont no what to do Help me please
Hi5 Editor 19 Jul 2018
@Hutch1224 - You could apply to court, if your ex won't allow mediation. The standard court access is every other weekend and one or two nights in the week (but not overnight).
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Jul 2018
whichshould help answer your question.
D 18 Jul 2018
Hi. We have booked the date of our wedding and by some random act of fate my partners ex has said that his kids can't come as their grandads getting married the same day and its more important for the kids to be their than at their own fathers wedding. We were just wondering if you had any advice on how to apply for them to be there. Or if she is right and we're not entitled to them.
Jay 17 Jul 2018
Hi my ex partner has asked me to have my 6month old son and I agreed she then said I could only have him if I take the other 2 children which are not biologically mine and has now told me my little boy will be staying with her mother and grandmother for a bit so do I have the right to have him stay with me instead of being passed between grandparents
Hutch1224 17 Jul 2018
Hi, I’m registered as my daughters father and I have her every weekend of every week every month without fail. I’ve been in a relation ship with another person for over a year and a half now and o never get to see her just her and I. I asked my daughters mother if one weekend of every month or not even that I could have a weekend for just me to do stuff where I work Monday to Friday also and she said no. If I try she won’t allow me seeing her. I just want to know if she is within her rights to do so as because of this, I have recently broke up with my girlfriend and it’s devastated me as she believe she has complete control. Thank you.
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Jul 2018
Your only option is to apply to court if she will not discuss the matter. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Jul 2018
If you are registered on the birth certificate, your ex is required to ask for permission before she takes your child out of the country, If your ex is not taking your child out of the country, then the issue can only be dealt with through mediation or court. However, if you opt to take the matter to further, if your ex refuses mediation then you would have to give enough time for the matter to come to court.
Pete 15 Jul 2018
Hi, i have regular routine with my son, i pay maintenance on time every week.. I provide what ever my son needs while hes with me, yet his mother has decided to take him away for 6 weeks without my concent.. So me and my partner (who my son has a very good relationship with) have taken a week holiday from work to see him, and now his mother has just informed me shes taking him away early so we wont get to see him.. Surely this isnt allowed??
Phil 13 Jul 2018
I have a question, My daughter is 2 in August. I live nearly 200 miles away after we split. I have her for a few days every few weeks but when I take her home I have zero contact. No phone, texts pics or updates. I have expressed my frustration to her mother but her mother refuses. What can I do?
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Jul 2018
, which should help answer your question, as there are no right and wrongs here. Whatever access is decided should be decided by you both, or if not via mediation.
Isla01 12 Jul 2018
Hello, I need some advice please on where I stand. I have a beautiful little girl who is nearly 6 months. She’s only ever slept out once before. Me and my partner have recently split. As he is on the raf he is demanding to have her every weekend from Saturday morning till Sunday tea. I have no idea what she gets up to. He’s had her once over night and she’s came back so unsetttled and just wanted to be with me. At the weekends is the only time we really get to do anything. I feel like our special time is being taken away from us. When he took her he refused to take her teddy or dummy he said he’s got stuff for her. It’s like he’s taking a part of who she is away from her. He had no idea what food she eats and is still giving her bottles when she only has them at bed time. As soon as she came back she wanted feeding a meal then desert but she had her tea a hour later but he said she was fed before she came back. Just need advice on how to arrange contact when a baby is h settled when they come back and he lives 3 hours away due to work
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Jul 2018
It is highly unlikely a court would issue residency to your child's father. Only if absolutely necessary would the court take a child from the resident parent and hand a child over to the non-resident parent.
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Jul 2018
Yes, you can take the matter to court, , and here which should help answer your question.
Mark 9 Jul 2018
Hi am the dad to my daughter but the mother won't put me on birth certificate can I take her court to get them put me.i won't be in my daughters life and support her.
kay 6 Jul 2018
Hi my ex went to court for excess to his daughter when my daughter was 3 years old even tho he wasent bothered about seeing his daughter much was always me asking if he wants to see her anyway the court said he could see her an he did for a few weeks says in the court order he would see his daughter on her birthday didn't see her an no explanation why ive asked him to come to parents evening at nursery makes excuses she comes home dirty hungry screaming we have a contacts book ive wrote if it carrys on ill stop contact which i did im i in the wrong will the court fine me? I had my ex arrested which i can't go into social services have been involed nothing wrong on my part im a good mother social services have said now hes stopped paying cms payments ive rang cms up and my ex told them i got him arrested hes not paying he now wants full custody of his daughter plus a dna test even tho he did a dna test when my daughter was 4 weeks old what are the chances of my ex getting full custody
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jul 2018
Your child's father would be able to apply to court for a child arrangement order, However, it is highly unlikely the court would rule to take a child from one parent and hand the child to another unless there was a very good provable reason, such as child neglect.
Stokie 4 Jul 2018
Hi my child’s father has him Friday to Sunday and also in the week in school hols. We have had a big argument. And now he says he taking me court for full custody because my son is in his name. Can he do this
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Jul 2018
No. The fact your child's father has applied for PR, has nothing to do with how much child maintenance he should pay. Child maintenance is a separate issue.
Lou 3 Jul 2018
Hi, the “dad” of my child is applying for parental responsibilty, if he gets granted this does this mean he has to help with costs like her nursery fee, school uniforms, school trips etc? He only pays £30 CSA a week and gettin that out of him is difficult
RobynW 3 Jul 2018
Thanks. I will try that. If its possible please can these messages be deleted, I didnt realise they were public and the last thing we need is his ex discovering them and finding a way to use it against him.
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Jul 2018
I see. Things can be mis-interpreted. The link here may help you further. Or the Separated Dads Forum which has helped a lot of dads, but also there are women who join to request help, which is fine. You'll find fathers who have possibly been through similar issues and who will be able to advise. I hope this helps and I hope your husband finds a way through this.
RobynW 3 Jul 2018
Sorry if I haven't explained myself properly. It is the CMS themselves that have told us numerous times that the case should be closed. And due to the fact that my husband has to pay for flights and travel and sometimes stay overnight to collect her, and also because we have a disabled child so the payments were adjusted right down to a smaller amount. We arent disputing the fact that he should pay for his daughter, in fact it is easier when he does as his ex doesnt make any problems. He is currently still paying so please dont think he isnt. What I was asking for advice on is where he can turn to. He feels isolated and at his wits end and I dont know how to help him. No one ever seems to understand the situation we are in. I am worried he will do something stupid and all anyone ever seems to say is he should pay for his daughter. When his daughter was abducted (I stress, taken without consent, not the mother 'moving on with her life', purposely taken and official documents forged to get her out of the country) the police, m.o.d, hague convention, local mp were all involved. It has taken such a toll on him and I need to know where I can get him help. Without people being biased towards the mother.
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Jul 2018
I am sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, regardless of where in the world your husband's daughter lives and whether your husband has access or not, he is still by law responsible for paying child maintenance for his child. With regards to the CSA case being closed, is this more to do with the CSA closing - rather than the fact your husband is still responsible for paying child maintenance (you don't say why he stopped paying)? You say your husband is being 'punished for his daughter's mum's actions'. The possible mis-understanding here is his confusion between the mother's actions and your husband's paying of child maintenance, in the eyes of the law they are not connected. The fact the mother took the child to another country without authorisation is unfortunate and sad. However, even if the mother had sought authorisation through the courts there would have been a good chance she would have been given it. The courts will not stop a parent getting on with their lives and if that parent can give a justifiable reason why she should leave the country (i.e her current husband/partner has a job), then the court will not try to stop this if it thinks it is in the child's best interests to remain with the mother. In this case, access should be arranged. However, just because the mother decides to move abroad with the child, it does not mean the father is absolved of the responsibility of helping to financially support his child. Therefore, I assume this is why child maintenance payments have accrued. Perhaps your husband has been under the illusion that if he's not seeing his child, then payments can stop. This is not the case. The authorities have provision under a reciprocal enforcement of maintenance order which can help enforce child maintenance orders internationally. I'm not quite sure what to say here on in, accept to say child maintenance payments can be enforced where a non-resident payment has ceased payment. I can only direct you to the link here which may help. At least you are armed with the facts which you can try to work out a way around the situation of trying to pay arrears which sounds like your husband is liable for.
RobynW 2 Jul 2018
Im looking for some help and guidance please. I cannot talk to cms about it as i dont myself have a case. The person who pays cms is my husband. Its a very long story, but in short my husbands daughter was taken out of the country illegally to live in Germany. She continues to live there with her mum and step dad and they dont intend on coming back. The step dad is in the army, so thats how they have been able to continue claiming all the english benefits and cms (even though it is her step dad in the army, not her mum). My husband has had a traumatic ordeal, first trying to locate her, then dealing with court proceedings to return his daughter to the uk, then accepting the fact she isnt coming back. We have been told a few times the case should be closed, followed it up and they always end up keeping it open. We have formally complained and the complaints get squashed as they promised to close the case. Meanwhile they are racking up a huge bill for unpaid cms as we were told the case was closed. Last week, without warning, my husband was told he has been moved from direct pay to collect and pay, and then in the same day to taking £609 a month directly from his wage. We cannot survive on this. He earns £1600 a month, we have 3 children one of them disabled. Our rent is £560 per month. This leaves him £440 a month to pay all utilities, fuel, food for 5 people and also flights to see his daughter in Germany (yes he also has to pay for the privilege of picking her up from a different country, just to rub salt in the wound). He cant continue like this, he has been to the doctor this morning and they have put him on anti depressants. They wanted to sign him off work but he refused. He has expressed to me he sometimes considers wrapping his car around a tree on the way home to make life easier. I dont think cms understand the pressure they are putting him under. He is being punished for his daughter's mums actions, as he can't see his daughter as often. I am so worried for his health and our family and I don't know who to contact about it. Cms are absolutely useless and cant seem to work anything out fairly, as its all based on children who live in england. Please can someone help us. No one will talk to me as Im just the wife, but he is at the point where if he has to talk about it any more it will push him over the edge. We dont know where to turn now.
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Jul 2018
Your only option would be to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order through the courts. A PSO, is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. If you can prove to the courts your children's step-father is moving purely to make life difficult for you seeing your children, then you may have a case. You may wish to seek legal advice regarding this matter. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Jul 2018
There is no right or wrong answer here. Anything you can't agree between you should be resolved through mediation. If you cannot resolve the matter through mediation, then court is the next option to consider. However, the court's standard child access formula rests on every other weekend and one or two nights mid-week. This is viewed to be a fair split. If you have MS, then mediation may be the best option for you to both come to a workable arrangement that works for you both and your kids.
Ems 1 Jul 2018
Hey @nick he knows about the ms. We were together when I was diagnosed a couple of years ago. He clearly hasn't moved on & now he is hell bent on making the children miserable. He does call me names to the children which I thought I had addressed with him. But now I have discovered he has destroyed the children's electric air pump (cut the wires off all my chargers/adapters)
nick 1 Jul 2018
@ems.i am sorry hear this .let me start bye saying good for you on moving on with your personal life .on the[ multiple sclerosis that is serous] .i am sure if you showed your ex sum official paper work that you do in fact have it ?.he would take them every weekend
Ems 1 Jul 2018
Hi. This is really just a feeler to see what is classed as normal contact. I split with the 3 children's dad last year (we were never married). He has been having the 3 children from 430pm on a Friday till 5pm on a Sunday every weekend for the past 6 months. He has now thrown it at me that he is only willing to have them every other weekend, for roughly the same times. I'm fairly sure he has done this as he is angry that I've moved on in my personal life but I feel it is unfair to the children. He is claiming that his hours at work are making it difficult for him to have a life. His hours are 6-2 Monday to Thursday & 6-11 on a Friday 1 week & then 2-10 Monday to Thursday & 11-4 on a Friday the following week. He is making out I am being unreasonable with what we have had in place. In addition I have multiple sclerosis so I do need his help really, it's not because I'm off raving down the pub. Am I being unreasonable in asking for him to have them every weekend? They are 5,3&1
Si 30 Jun 2018
For the last 6 years I have lived 3 hours away from my children after their mother  and step father (they are unmarried), relocated with them when they were young. Anyway I recently got made redundant from my job so I have relocated near to my children and I am planning to make a new life closer to them. But now their step father is trying to get their mother to relocate again with the children. But is there anything I can do to stop her at all? I did awhile ago send a letter to my daughters school saying I refused their mother permission to remove them. But would she still be allowed to? What rights say do I have over where my children live? There is nothing official between us at this time. We are in England UK TIA.
Jay78 Editor 25 Jun 2018
@Simmy - the thing is to aim high and then anything is a bonus. If you haven't had a relationship to date with your son then it is optimistic, you might have to build up the relationship ie contact centre first, then day contact leading to overnight. You will need patience, you can't just step in and expect to have your kid overnight when you don't actually really know him. Put your child's interests first and then yours and it wil be fine. Best of luck.
Simmy 23 Jun 2018
I'll be honest I messed up, I didn't have anything to do with my son for 18 months we then had contact for a few weeks supervised but then that stopped August last year, I contacted my ex in October saying I wanted contact to start again every week but she refused, I am now applying to court for 2/3 days and overnights because that what my solicitor says I should, am I being optimistic?
Kakarot 23 Jun 2018
My ex wife has booked a holiday with her new partner for two weeks during our two children's two week spring holiday. Meaning that I get no time with them for the spring holiday. I was just wondering what rights I have during the school holidays?. I currently see our two children every other weekend and sporadically during the school holidays as I do shift work. I'm now being told by my ex wife that I need to book time off work either before or after their holiday otherwise I wont be able to see our children for almost a month....Is she able to do this?
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Jun 2018
If you are not happy with the arrangement as it stands, , which should tell you all you need to know.
Sutty 21 Jun 2018
HI I have recently split with my wife of 15 years we have 2 beautiful children who she is stopping me seeing and only allowing me 3 windows a week when i can call them is this legal or do i have a legal right as father to access to see my children. There are no safeguarding issues at all. Thank You Sutty
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Jun 2018
The CAB whichshould help answer your question.
Dazz 6 Jun 2018
I'm married and we have a 17 month old daughter, my wife wants me out of our council home tomorrow, I'm not on the tenancy do I have any legal right to stay?
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Jun 2018
You have no obligation to the non-biological child. If your ex refuses you access to your biological child, you would have to challenge this via mediation and/or court, Alternatively, a solicitor's letter to your ex outlining your rights to see your own child without your non-biological child may help and that if your ex does not consent, you will pursue the matter.
Jay 1 Jun 2018
Hello, I am father to a one year old daughter. Me and the mother of my child were in a relationship for about a year, but things did not work out. She already had a 6 year old daughter with a previous partner, and during our relationship I took on some of the roles as a father figure to her daughter; reducing stress for the mother during pregnancy. Once we split up and my daughter was born, my ex said that I could only see my daughter based on the premise that her other daughter was treated exactly the same. Now at first I had no issue with this. For example, If was to take my biological daughter away for a day out, I would not have the heart to turn around and say that her other daughter could not come along as well. The issue I had was that at some point divisions would form as both children could not be treated exactly the same all the time. One is my own flesh and blood. At Christmas or Birthdays I would not spend the same on both girls, being an example. My ex and myself agreed on a monthly payment, based on the GOV website. I have always supported my daughter financially and obviously intend to do so, however the lack of contact is now starting to irritate; I'm missing the early years of my daughters development. I'm not sure how to tackle this, I want to see my daughter but I refuse to sit down and carry a burden that's not mine to carry. I was only in her daughters life for a short period of time, and to expect me to assume a full father role for her just seems ridiculous. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
J 1 Jun 2018
Hi. This is desperate plea for advice/support/help! I have 2 daughters from relationship 1 and 2 from relationship 2 (4 gorgeous daughters in total). My girls from relationship 1 are being supported by myself via the CMS who have made my life hell. I find myself phoning every other week to confirm payments as when I pay the girls mum I receive a text telling me I haven't paid enough and she threatens to go down the route of 'collect & pay' where charges incur. I just found out that the service have messed up by sending all correspondence to an alternative address in where I previously resided despite me raising concerns that I have little to no documentation in the form of payment schedules etc. hence the reason for both my monthly calls to them and the threats of the 'collect & pay' service from my ex. To add to this it turns out I am in arrears despite my monthly calls to ensure I'm paying the correct amounts monthly as they made a clerical error and I had another child on my case to whom I was in a private arrangement for - this in turn reducing my payments despite being completely false. Now due to the clerical error I have a substantial CSA bill covering all 4 girls of in excess of £770 per month. The £770 per month is extremely testing as like most of us I walked out my house after 4 plus years of domestic abuse (Mental non physical) and currently find myself homeless, with a broken down car, anxiety, depression, a gambling addiction (Later 3 brought on by the manipulation/ mental abuse my ex incurred on me during the relationship 2), To make things worse it has been made clear to myself that I am getting no part to play in my younger 2 daughters lives which I am finding so hard to cope with. I have a brother and mother who are there for me but I am constantly crying and thinking loads about how horrible life is and just can't seem to get out the bit. I find myself looking through my phone at photos and videos of me and the girls and mentally cannot bear to wake up or go to sleep without them. I'm not sure what I'm looking for with this post but at least I have put it in writing, all be it probably about 5% of what I really want to write and get out my system. Any help, advice, inspiration, support, experiences would be amazing. I'm just soooooo lost
DB 26 May 2018
My son is 14yrs old. I have not seen him for seven or eight years now. Apparently it’s his choice according to his mother. No court orders in place. I have 50% parental responsibility. I have always paid maintenance direct to the mothers bank account. I have no idea where they live. I have no idea what school he goes to. I know nothing about him. I have not spoken to his mother for years. Do I have a legal obligation to continue to pay even though we do not see each other? Any advice on best way for me to make contact to see if he would like to see me?
RAHUL 26 May 2018
Dear Friends, I'm an Indian born Australian Citizen, OCI card holder, married to an Indian Citizen from last 3 years, and have one 2 years old son, who is born in India and gained Australian Citizenship by Descent. At the moment, he doesnt have OCI card. We have taken visitor visa for 1 year for him. We live in India and are working so my mum takes care of our son all the time. My wife who is an Indian Citizen is creating problems in family. She is not interested in our relation now. She didn't applied for Australian Spouse Visa as she doesn't want to move to Australia because she is very possessive about her family and want to live with them. At the moment we are living together. I have 3 brother-in-laws and 2 sister-in-laws so there is no question of anything like they need her support or financially dependent on her. So now I wish to move back to Australia with my son. My questions are: 1.Can I take my 2 year old son to Australia with me as he is an Australian Citizen. 2.Can She by any means create problems for him to move to Australia with me. If yes, then what is the point of my Son having Australian Citizen. 3. Can I apply for divorce in Australia if i got married in India. My reason for divorce is that my in-laws family are forcing me to live in India. As they know if by Indian law they can stop me taking my child to Australia as he is an infant, so they can force me to live in India and are harassing me in different ways. Please advice. Regards, Rahul
chriso 25 May 2018
Thanks for not giving me advise on my serous question I won't bother you people any more .my friend said get legal help from a profession .but with her age now i think its waste of time And effort .i dont have a leg to stand on with all the years that have past.plus i sent my daughter my phone number on facebook got nothing back stuff them now i tried.
chriso 25 May 2018
So I would like your advise if its to late for legal action .because I know with myself at 14 I had full-time job and didn't live with my parents I couldn't stand the both of them .my friend has said to me that's not normal and I should get solicitor for her .just wanted your legal advice on this matter.
Raheel Hasan 24 May 2018
hi my name is Raheel hasan from london plz contact with me I m so worried about my Child contact case plz
SeparatedDads Editor 21 May 2018
You can see more via whichwhich should tell you all you need to know how to apply for access.
Concerned dad 20 May 2018
Ive been split from my ex for 2.5yrs now , i found out she had been cheating on me with another guy and since the split she has made my life very stressful to the point were i could have MS , i have the symptons tho not yet confirmed by nerologists. I have been the subject of mental and physical abuse at the hands if her and her friends. Ive seeked legal help to assist with a contact centre , what else can i do as a father ?
Bob 17 May 2018
I want to take my son on holiday but my ex won't let me,my name is on his birth certificate and I have hi 3/4 days a week
SeparatedDads Editor 17 May 2018
There is no law to say your ex has to give you this information. Your ex is allowed her privacy, as you are allowed yours and a court would not force her to divulge it.
Lookingforanswers 17 May 2018
Hi! I am a non’resident father and I am just wondering if anyone knows: Does my sons Resident parent need to tell me her address when they move house? (She has told me the area and for now the pick ups won’t be at that address but I feel like I should know where he is living)?
Edmund Matts 17 May 2018
I am recently separated and the arrangements for our 2 children (7 and 10) are still in flex. She is a good but very protective mother. Currently I get them for 7 hours a week. How much time should I be able to seek. What guidelines are they (even in a divorce settlement) for reasonable custody. And any further advice. Thanks.
SeparatedDads Editor 15 May 2018
It is highly unlikely a court would allow your ex to have the children back if you are the primary carer and they have settled lives. The courts will only move children from one parent to another if absolutely necessary. You will not be wasting your time fighting, if your kids are happy and their lives consistent. If you need any further advice and support ahead of any court case join our Separated Dads forum. We're here to help.
Cerioli 14 May 2018
I met a girl celebrating her birthday, 9 months and 18 days later “our son” was born. 20 months later we were married and I had changed my entire life to support her. It took a further six months after our marriage for her to move in with me. I had very limited contact to “our son”, it was decided and controlled by her father. 14 months later “our second child” was born, I was in the army and we had been moved to Germany (I had selected this move to break the hold her parents had and start life as a family) between the two births. I was involved in a near fatal incident and while recovering in hospital she had an affair. The marriage dissolved. In the divorce she stated that I had changed lied about my age when she met me (so why marry me to start with?), after the birth of our first child I had changed (so why marry me to start with?) and that I spent extended periods of time away from her and my children (I was in the army). She ran with my sons and vanished. I was advised by a solicitor not to pay maintenance and this would force contact. This tactic worked as months later I was contacted for maintenance. This I daughter advice about via the CSA and I gave her the agreed amount every time I saw “our sons”. The visits soon stopped, with only three visits over two years. She had gone to the CSA and stated that I had not paid her a penny since the separation. Money was deducted at source, an excessive amount was taken from my pay and I did not have money to pay direct debits; this resulted in a debt management plan and near bankruptcy (13 years on and I am still paying the debt). I had no contact whatsoever, I had attempted every few months (as harassment was constantly threatened) and letters were refused. 8 years later I was medically discharged from the army and received a protected medical pension. Not happy with this I was taken to court. This was the first contact I had, evidence provided had been taken from Facebook (proving she could have contacted me herself, but chose not to), my mothers contact details were given (again, no contact was attempted). The courts acted in her favour, however, stated contact had to be maintened... this did not happen. In ten years I have not had any contact with her children and every response they are referred to as “her children”, I always state “our sons”. In court I was ordered to contact her family to attempt to re-establish contact. Her brother is a mental health nurse and has done everything he can to ensure that I do not have contact with the children. This against the nursing code of conduct, I am disabled and a victim of abuse from this nurse, as he has removed my parental rights. So I have supported her children with no contact allowed for ten years and every time I attempt contact I’m threatened with harassment or ignored. How can this be right? How can “the system” allow this kind of abuse? I have paid in excess of £35,000 since I last had any contact whatsoever. Am I a
Misty 12 May 2018
Hi I'm a mother recently been asked away with kids by my friend and his child in UK. My ex saying his child can't go as I'm going with someone else. Is he able to do this?? I have said when he's mentioned plans about going away it's fine and don't ask questions about who's going etc as I feel she's with her dad so she's safe don't need to know anything other than that.
SeparatedDads Editor 11 May 2018
Your only option would be to apply to court. You may wish to seek legal advice, as if you are not the biological father then it will be more difficult to put together a case. However, it is possible if you have had continual contact througout the child's life and he knows you as his father.
Wallace 11 May 2018
Hi my x wife left my 3 boys with me 2 1/2 years ago and moved to a Scottish island 4/8/11 now she wants them back, there really happy and settled, what r my chances of keeping them or will I be wasting my time fighting please help broken man here
Kenzo 10 May 2018
Hi i have a wee boy who is 3 am not his birth dad but been there since was born he calls me dad and now's me as dad now his mum has stop me from seeing him I still pay money as well for him can you tell me what my rights are
SeparatedDads Editor 4 May 2018
I am sorry to hear this. However, it is rare for a court (you would have to take the matter to court if your ex does not agree with your wishes), to hand a child over from one parent to another without good reason. 'Good reason' would mean your ex was incapable of being the primary carer of your child. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Consistency and parental stability for the child are considered important. If you are working full-time and you do not have general day-to-day care of your child. Plus, if the mother is perfectly capable of taking care of your child, it is highly unlikely a court would agree to moving your child's home. You may be able to challenge the move, via a Specific Issue Order, If the court can see no valid reason why your ex wishes to move out of the area, then you may have a case, especially if the court thinks she is making the move as a deliberate attempt to thwart access. You may wish to seek legal advice to see whether you have a case.
c.laurie 3 May 2018
@heartbroken dad.I was like you with my daughter but its been years for me but.get a solicitor Now don't wait or dwell in self pity .they will get you rights bro to your little girl you can even but a stop to the move though the courts depending.but you will get rights gods truth.I didn't fight for my rights don't be like me you will regret it .I know I do but I don't dwell on that anymore eats up inside .I made the choice I must live with it but I know her mother look after her she is good mum and who knows maybe I will even see her again one day if I don't I don't I made my peace with it and don't dwell on it .it is what is now.
HeartbrokenDad 3 May 2018
Hi my partner has just told me she wants to live on the other side of the country, and is taking our 2 year old daughter, please can you tell me what rights I have, I work full time and want custody of my daughter, I can give her a home and my family can support with child care. We are not married. Thanks
Tss 27 Apr 2018
Hello I am a mother who wants to share custody with my daughters father. I am the primary caretaker and belays Csa. His name is not on the birth certificate, what are my options? I have had to pay out over £20,000 over the last 5 years while he has to only pay £75 a month according to CSA this cannot be fair. M
Batmanreturns 27 Apr 2018
Will have to disagree with separateddads on what they said to paul c. As long as you give mum plenty of notice there should be no problem. If you are paying cms then this covers the cost of the day 2day of your child so they keep telling me...
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Apr 2018
You would have to suggest mediation to your ex and if she refuses apply to court for a contact order
SeparatedDads Editor 26 Apr 2018
Your partner's ex can challenge the decision yes, either to your partner directly, through mediation or as a last resort court. However, if your partner's ex takes the matter to court he would have to have a very good/provable reason regarding why your partner should not have residency of the children. It is rare that a court will take the children from one parent and hand them over to the other unless absolutely necessary. So, if your partner is the usual day-to-day carer of her children, then it is likely a court would allow this to continue. It would be a long road to court. The courts prefer to have such a matter resolved mutually or via mediation.
JayJay85 25 Apr 2018
Hi,my daughter was born 30th December 2015 and my name is on the birth certificate but my ex gave her last name to my daughter and not mine can I change it to my last name?and now she’s just over 2 and her mum is getting her christened without telling me so do I have a say in it?
Sunny 25 Apr 2018
Hi I m father , I have child contact case in East london family court I m student here I Don't have work rights at the moment even I don't have money but my child contact case in East london family court please help me I m soooooooo worried about this
Whopper 25 Apr 2018
Just an enquiry about my new partner of a year now. It’s concerning her ex and their kids, I was just wondering whether the ex has any right or say in whi his kids live with?? Obviously I want them to live with me and the mother (my partner) but can he have a right in saying no?? They have been split up for 5 years now and hasn’t lived with them for the same duration and he sees them from time to time but also pays no maintenance for them. Thank you, Josh
Sam123 20 Apr 2018
Advice please. I have three children with my ex-partner. I see the older two every other weekend for the full weekend. Sunday’s on the weekend I don’t have them overnight. My ex will not let me take the youngest. Stating that if I wish to see him I have to visit him at her house. Please help. I am on the birth certificate. Have parental rights. Yet she will not let me leave her house with him. But all is okay with the younger two.
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Apr 2018
There is no 'legal' situation here - it should be agreed between you. However, if you normally have the children on those particular days, it is not up to your ex to supplement your holiday by paying for and/or arranging childcare. As the children's co-parent, it is theoretically your responsibility.
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Apr 2018
There are no rules or regulations governing what you should do with regards to parental responsibility. Much is based on gut instinct and always thinking and acting regarding what you think is in the best interests of your children. Anything you disagree on should be resolved via discussion and/or mediation in order to try to resolve the situation between you. However, there will always be times when parents fall out and/or disagree, such is life. If either of you can attempt to resolve this without any game-playing, then this will help all concerned.
Concerned 16 Apr 2018
Im in need of some advice , i found out 2years ago my partner had been cheating on me , i then tried to make it work for our kids sake though she wasnt having it and i left the home , since the split ive been subjected to abuse from her friends and she hasnt helped me in any way to secure my kids so it resulted in me having to use solictors , my daughters birthday is appraoching and yet again these issues are starting. Me and my daughter share the same surname . What can i do to keep myself right and the stress ive encountered on behalf of my ex has left me with health coniditions. Please help !!!
M Wolek 13 Apr 2018
Advice please. Im recently divorced from narcissistic controlling woman. We have 50/50 custody over children. Last weekend my 4yo become ill during her shift. Next day, on my shift she emailed me at 6am asking how is our son. I haven’t seen her mail till 10am, responded 10.34am. She was already calling the police and now the whole week stacking me and accusing of parental alienation. What are my obligations to inform her on my son condition. I divorced her for the reason that I could not be her servant any more. Now she is abusing me believing my obligation is to report her everything immediately. I believe I’m providing best care in my time. How does my rights look here, advice please? I appreciate
TJ 10 Apr 2018
Hi Can anyone please point me in the right direction...as we are at our witts end ! My son has a little 3yr old boy who up until recently has been seeing every other day and every other weekend he sleeps over. The mother has decided that he can no longer see or even speak to him on the phone. This came about as we contacted Child Services regarding the health and care of the little boy...whom we have serious concerns about. My son raised his concerns frequently with the mother but he was always dismissed so Child Services were our only option. They called the mother to tell her and also contacted the nursery he attends and they backed her up...so Child Services dropped the case. We are all fearful that something terrible will happen to this little boy...but shes such a good liar that she has everyone fooled. I only want to do whats best for the little boy..but i constantly seem to be coming up again a brick wall....how can i get people to believe us !! Please help !!
Steven 10 Apr 2018
Just requesting info for dads in the UK, If you can give addresses or contacts for organzations in the north, Scotland, Or South with advice for dads on legal issues of marriage separation, and child protection, I have not found as many resources I would like, So any help is appreciated, Thanks, Steven
Grandkids 9 Apr 2018
My son has started a new job were he works 4 on 4 0ff so is unable to have his son ever other weekend as decided by the courts. Can he legally ask his employers to honour this arrangement?
Lynds 7 Apr 2018
My partners daughter lives in Scotland. She's 5. He's not being denied access but she wants him to go up there every 2 weeks take her out for a few hours and take her home. No overnight. This is costly with petrol and hotels and he doesn't even get quality time. The ex and his daughter have separation issues in that they find it hard leaving esch other. His daughter often says she doesn't wanna stay overnight but then sometimes is fine. This is why she's taken overnight off him. She spent a week here in Liverpool with him in the summer and loved it and met us but once his ex found out about this she is now saying she will do everything in her power to stop his daughter being part of his new family. I have two daughters too and is making excuses that it's too far for her to travel but we know it's cos she's jealous. His daughter hasn't seen any of his family since before Xmas. She's clearly using the child as a weapon. He's asked for half the school holidays and she's said no. The visits must take place in Scotland with just him and he must go every two weeks to build a bond before she will consider overnights again. The thing is whenever he goes here she's twists everything and causes arguments which his daughter sees and gets upset. If his daughter Juat says once I don't wanna go she says well she doesn't wanna go so your visit is cancelled after him travelling and paying for hotels. The next step is court but as it's all what's best for the child what are his chances of getting holidays in Liverpool. We are going to say how shes missing out on family life and the comfort of a homely environment with other children around her and she doesn't like the overnights in Scotland as she doesn't like staying in hotels which is understandable.
Paul C 6 Apr 2018
I got divorced from my controlling ex over 2 years ago and we have 2 children that I see 2-3 times a week. I have just told her that I am going on holiday for a week in May (my first holiday in the 2 and a half years since we split). I told her that she would need to get childcare for the days when I normally see the children. She hit the roof and said it was my responsibility to get provide childcare on those days as they are the days when I look after them. What is the legal situation here. Whose responsibility is it to sort out the childcare? I take days off work to look after the kids during the holiday so surely it's reasonable to expect that she can take time off for me to go away?
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Apr 2018
and here, which should help answer your questions. Hopefully, this is a situation that will blow over. If it doesn't, then a court is likely to reinstate access if you have been a hands-on dad to date. Unless your ex can prove very good reasons why you should not see your child, then the court will act in your favour. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Keeping your child away from you as her father, is punishing your daughter as much as you, which will not be condoned by the courts.
Ian Brooks 2 Apr 2018
I see my daughter every Monday, Wednesday and alternate Fridays and Saturdays, in which she stays at mine. I'm I'm shared housing and rent a room, I work full time in a well paid job, I'm a dedicated father as this shows from how well me and my daughter get along. All has been going well until today... I saw my daughter Friday, has her stay and wasn't well. Her mother picked her up Saturday afternoon. I didn't speak contact my daughter's mum on bank holiday Monday as I was doing my own thing and had plans. Late afternoon I decided to see if they were free, they were and happens to turn up without notice to see me, which happens to be at the same time a woman I'm dating left my home. After seeing this, her mum has now said I'm not to have my daughter any more, I can't collect her from.nursery or childcare. She has also said she will be moving far away so i can't see my little one. Also saying that if she chooses to let me see my daughter, it will be supervised visits! I'm on the birth certificate, and we have been split for 2 years. All details between us have been fine, and now this. I also pay more than needed for maintenance, which I offer as I am her dad. What can I do? I need advice as I can't not see her. I'm a very hands on dad, and I do not want to lose this bond.
SeparatedDads Editor 29 Mar 2018
You can , which should tell you and your partner all you need to know about requesting access. whichtells you how to apply for parental responsibility.
Luke 28 Mar 2018
I took my ex to court as she would not let me see or do anything with my daughter, went to court and unfortunately I was only able to gain ever other weekend. I know she needs to eat me know what’s going on with my daughter but she still refuses to tell me where she lives with my daughter which the court said she needs to tell me as I have the right but she still won’t, she barely communicates with me and when she does it seems good but then she starts all this head ache again. I’d take her back to court but I don’t see the point as when I was in court they seemed to take everything she said as word and didn’t care about what I said and my concerns. I don’t even have the money to take her back to court as I’m still paying off the court fees I had to take a loan out. I really don’t know what to do and it’s starting to take its toll on me. I just want to be a father to my daughter but I can’t with all these restrictions. Help please.
K1994 27 Mar 2018
Please help. My partner has recently received a message from his ex partner saying she is not allowing him to see their son. She also refused to put him on the birth certificate, what can we do to get him on the birth certificate n get him his rights that he deserves?
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Mar 2018
There is no specific level of entitlement. If you cannot agree a division of your assets between you, then the only option you would have is to attend mediation or divorce arbitration/take the matter to court for the court to decide. Most separated parents come to an amicable decision as to take the matter to court can prove very costly. If the matter goes to court, the court will primarily decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your children and their financial needs. You may wish to seek professional legal advice.
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Mar 2018
It is not obligatory that you have to pay more on top of child maintenance (which is for the general day-to-day care of your child). Whatever you pay above and beyond child maintenance is at your discretion.
theroonster 27 Mar 2018
Please help. My wife ended our marriage last May (We have 2 young children) but she was not prrpated to leave the house and after 2 weeks i could not bare it and moved out. Whike together all the bilks came out of my wsges and we lived on hers. Since I left the house I have still been paying the mortgage (I earn 1100 a month and the mortgage is 677) The house is on the market with plenty of equity. She has now dropped the bombshell that she is entitled to at least 70% of the profit. Is this right?
Andyt Editor 26 Mar 2018
@Mf - she can't make you if you don't want to. Many dads would jump at the opportunity. There are two people in parenting - so why can't she be allowed to work as well as you? Try to come to an agreement through mediation if you can't agree yourselves. A mediatior will try to find a fair perspective.
SeparatedDads Editor 26 Mar 2018
Shared-residency will only be considered in situations where it is feasible and practical for your child and it fits in with both parents' lifestyles. The court will not offer shared-care as a punishment for your ex, in fact the court is not interested in the relationship between you and your ex. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Therefore, it is unlikely a court would award shared care if you have an army career which only allows for limited access and/or means that your lifestyle is not consistent and/or can offer stability and consistency to your child. A professional family law adviser would be able to tell you more regarding your chances of gaining shared-care. If you are in a career which means you move frequently then this may not be seen as logistically feasible by the courts.
Jeff 26 Mar 2018
I pay £150. A month child support for my daughter. But my ex is asking for more money £35 for shoes spending money to go on holiday is she been unreasonable or should I expect to pay this ?
Mf 25 Mar 2018
My ex has just taken on a full time job, we have two girls in primary school. I pay more than CMS rate ,,I have the girls every other weekend and also two weeks of their school holidays and half of the Christmas holidays, I can work this with my full time job,,,, but now my ex is expecting me to take the girls for 50% of their school holidays. She is still receiving benefits and housing allowance can she make me do this.
Northwest54 24 Mar 2018
I left my ex wife due to domestic violence in 2014 since then I’ve only had contact with my daughter 4 nites a month I’m in the armed forces. A few weeks ago she assaulted me and gave me A Black eye police are dealing with it and I’m Pressing charges. I’ve been to see a solicitor and I’ve decided to go down the 50/50 shared custody route I also informed children’s services about her and they have spoken to her and offered her help amd notes it down on file. Her anger worries me so that’s why I’ve decided to go for shared custody so I can have more of an influence on my daughter. As anyone got any advice.
Dave 23 Mar 2018
Hi just woundering what the law is when I have split from partner how often do I have my kids what is the law plz how many days a week
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Mar 2018
The other parent can bring up any matter which they think are not serving the best interests of the child or children.
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Mar 2018
Your partner and his ex would need to consider mediation if they cannot resolve these issues between them. If his ex has a genuine illness that requires hospitalisation, then as the children's joint parent it is understandable that he is the obvious go-to person to have the children. But back-up plans may be needed here with friends and family pitching in and this is something that mediation could help plan. If this is going to be a future pattern, then your partner may also need to discuss this with his employer directly. Flexible working may be an option -
fiddlesticks 21 Mar 2018
Hello, My new partner has a nightmare ex. They are still married but she cheated on him and is trying to get him to sign a divorce for adultery because she doesn't want to wait 2 years. That's just the start. She has messed him around re: contact long before we met and now it is impacting us both. She has an illness which means she goes into hospital every so often at the drop of a hat. His job was impacted all of last year because of it and his position in the company is in jeapordy. She now says that she will get social services to force him to have the kids if she gets ill again. Can she do that? We can't afford for him to have time off work and it seems totally unreasonable that she can just disrupt our lives at the drop of a hat. She has family and friends. I have 2 kids plus 2 under guardianship so we have a busy house. We see his kids every other weekend but she has stopped phone calls/ week day visits. she is abusive and disrespectful and won't address behavioural issues etc. My partner has worked really hard to keep things amicable and be there for the kids but she is making it impossible and now demanding we have them whenever she needs us to! please advise.
FatherTed 20 Mar 2018
Legally, can a primary parent dictate to the other parent what he discusses with his child?. Surely as a parent you can discuss whatever you like (obviously I don't mean anything strange), eg. things that don't directly concern your child. I thought it was a basic human right.
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Mar 2018
Your sister can refuse to send her child. However, this will enable the father to take action. First of all, where an agreement cannot be reached between the parents, then mediation should be considered. Mediation is when two or more parties meet to resolve problems before the matter reaches court. It is most often used in family proceedings. It is a formal negotiation and courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval. If the parents cannot agree via mediation, then her ex would have the option to take the matter to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
Mullet 17 Mar 2018
I’m hoping someone can give me an answer. My sister and her boyfriend have a 1 year old. They have had to go back and live with their parents because they couldn’t afford the rents. The problem is, the boyfriends mothers house is disgusting,filthy smells horrible and stinks of cigarette smoke all over the house. It’s a real cesspit. She let the child go once but won’t let him go again as the dirt and the cigarette smoke is so strong on the child when picked up, that’s not even the big issue. The child’s father seems to have a serious mental health issue. He’s slurring his words and his memories are not great. Sleeps all day and not very capable of looking after himself but wants to take the child for a day or two up to that house. They lied to my sister before saying they were snowed in and they couldn’t get out, so my sister went up just to check and the roads were fine so she took the child out of there. He’s saying he wants to take the child on holidays but he cant even do basic things to care for himself! We’er very worried and wondering where to go or who to speak to about this. His mother promised my sister she’d make him get help but nope it didn’t happen. She wants him home with her so she’s enabling his mental health issues. We need help please!
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Mar 2018
You have rights to challenge your ex through from moving away with your child via a Prohibited Steps Order, especially if you do not think your ex's reasons are justifiable. Much depends upon the reasons behind the move and as always it comes down to whether the courts think it is in the best interests of your child. If your ex can come up with a valid reason, then there is no reason why the court would stop her trying to get on with her life, especially if she still wants you to have contact with your child. However, if it is deemed your ex is making a move in order to prevent you from having access to your child, then the courts would view this differently. Mediation should be considered first before you make a court application, so that you can try to resolve this matter between you.
Mark 14 Mar 2018
Hi, After breaking up with my ex nearly 2 years ago. I have always had regular access to my little girl. Now she has got a new boyfriend and is planning moving away from home but still in the UK and she is taking my daughter with her. Do i have any rights to stop her?
Richy 13 Mar 2018
Hi, my ex wife and i are separate last july on good term. Not divorce yet. So since then my two little kids had almost every weekend stayover at mine where i live in grandparent house. 5 min away from the kids mother. Also kids see me on every wednesday evening for few hours. My ex got new boyfriend.. it hard for me but i accepted and do respect them as they are for me too. But last week. My ex had to rush out to see her boyfriend in hospital up north. But she leave the kids to stay over a night during the school week at other friend who i know. I didnt know about it until.next morning which i find out through this friend. Im okay with this as i trust this friend. But im not happy for my ex not telling me about my kids stay over friends house. She said she dont have to tell me. But do i have a right to know before hand?. I would rather to know where my kids if not with the mother or family.
IndieBloke Editor 13 Mar 2018
@Mal - Take it back to court mate. It's the only thing you can do if she is breaching the order. You have to keep trying for the sake of your kids.
Mal 12 Mar 2018
Can anyone help me please I need advise I have two gorgeous children both highly talented and a terrible ex wife who has tried every means possible to deny my access to the point of when being told she was about to loose the care of the children moved sixty miles away despite a court order preventing her forcing a whole new court case in a different area after equal custody was ordered and unlimited time for taking my daughter and son to there practise sessions because she will not support them Evan though she has been told by various professionals our daughter is a future gold medal winner and neither of the children wish to stay with her she is now planning to move nearly two hundred miles away again against the court direction which specifically says she shall not take them out of the county relocate to another school or move without my permission now she talking about doing this as our daughter is coming ten
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Mar 2018
You can certainly take legal advice and you may wish to join our Separated Dads forum, which should help you further. In the first instance, you should suggest mediation to your ex as a way of trying to resolve the issues between you. If your ex refuses to negotiate this way, then you would have to apply to court. It is rare that a court would take children from one parent and hand them over to another unless there is a very good reason. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
Gd 7 Mar 2018
I have a 14 year old son that lives with my ex partner. I’m struggling to get regular time to see him and would like to know my rights. I’ve always paid maintenance every month. We were not married and my son was born in Oct 2003 and I’m named on the birth certificate. Can someone help me understand how I can assure regular access.
Jasonp 7 Mar 2018
Thank goodness I found this site.. Several thousand Google pages supporting the mother.. Few for the father. My ex has failed in a sugar daddy relationship for the 2nd time and is moving the kids school/ home yet again. She wants to move back to a rough area as her friends are there. I am trying to persuade her to move to my area as the schools here are excellent, lovely area and she has guaranteed child care for our boys when she's working as cabin crew. She's refusing. As she's cabin crew working odd hours she cannot get registered childcare and dumps the boys at all times of the day ( 5.45am on some occasions) on friends and people taking cash for ad hoc childcare. Would this be enough of a reason for me to get full custody? I read everywhere it's normally only granted if the child is at risk.. Would this be an at risk situation? Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Mar 2018
Unfortunately, if the court has banned you from seeing your children until they are 14 years of age, there is little you can do as the judge's decision in final. You would have to try and seek some free legal advice i.e through the Citizens Advice Bureau. However, it is highly unlikely you would be allowed to appeal or apply for a variation on the order.
Marcus 28 Feb 2018
Ive recently had a baby (25 days ago) but the mother of the child stops me from seeing her when shes in a mood with me and bans me from going to the house to see her or having her on my own, what legal rights do I have and will i be able to have my daughter by herself overnight if i went through a solicitor
John 27 Feb 2018
I am seperated since 2014. My ex wife invented stories and in the last hearing I was cross and sent a letter to the judge saying I don't care about your decision coz I don't recognise and respect lair. I don't want to see my children under this legal unfair system. I didn't turn up in the last hearing. Also the judge decide to ban me to see the children until 14 years old. The children are 10 and 11 yrs old now. I want to have contact with my children, what to do? I don't have money either for solicitors
Jj 27 Feb 2018
I have separated with my ex girlfriend 2 years and we have been close for our 2 children now I’ve been told she’s moving to Devon and as I live in Leeds it’s going to be very difficult to see my kids on a regular basis is there anything I can do to stop the move from happening? I pay maintenance and and have regular contact with my kids.
Troy0619 27 Feb 2018
Hi, Ive been separated to my wife now 2 years...everthing was fine until last week I find out through my 9 year old daughter that there was a man staying at her house. I asked my daughter everything I could in a calm way to not make her nervous. I was at a circus with my daughter and once I could I started texting asking my wife who was that person and why didnt she tell me about him. She didnt want to tell me until I told her I was going to call social services cause I felt worried for my childs well being. Then she answered his name and that he was only a friend and that our child was never in danger.Besides my ex , her mother and her mothers sister all live together...anyways I still feel worried . What should I do...she doesnt want to tell me anymore about the guy who left after staying there a week.
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Feb 2018
Having parental responsibility doesn't mean the non-resident parent has automatic access. Access should be agreed between the parents. However, where one parent is being awkward or if both cannot agree on an arrangement that suits both parents, then mediation should be considered. Or a solicitor's letter to your ex outlining your rights and suggesting mediation, may work. If your ex continues to be awkward and controlling, then your last option would be to apply to court
Dan 22 Feb 2018
I separated from my partner 2 years ago. We have a 4 year old son who I have 3 nights per week. This agreement was put in place by my son's mother and I. Lately I've been denied the normal routine and being told last minute that she's changed hee mind and picks and chooses if/when I can see my son. I'm not sure what's changed for her to do this, but my son has always been a daddies boy and gets very upset when he can't see me, or when I have to drop him off at his mum's. I'm on the birth certificate and have read the details of parental responsibility, but it seems a grey area about contact. What can I do as seeing my son upset causes me to be very upset.
G29980 12 Feb 2018
Hi there. I separated from my wife 3.5 years ago and have 2children, my son age 9 and daughter age 6. I have remained in the village where we all lived and bought a house here, my ex wife now lives 15 miles away and moved in with her new husband 18 months ago and is pregnant with their first child. I have my children 3 nights per week including every other weekend, they have remained at the same primary school since we split up. My ex wife has said that when my son goes to high school she wants him to move schools over to where they live. My son doesn't want to, he wants to go to a school close to our village where his friends will go. At age 10/11 can he make the decision? Do I need to go to court to apply for him to live with me? Can my ex move him anyway even if I object? Thanks for any advice you can give.
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Feb 2018
You can see the courses your daughter is eligible to study via which
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Feb 2018
You can see what having parental responsibility actually means whichHowever, if you cannot agree with your ex, then mediation should be considered as a way of resolving such issues. If you cannot come to an agreement, then court is the final option to consider.
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Feb 2018
You would have to contact the school directly specifying this. If you have Parental Responsibility, you are deemd jointly responsible for the welfare of your children.
Ipsy 8 Feb 2018
My ex girlfriend is keeping our children off school unofficially and taking them on holiday, I no longer live in the family home (haven't done for almost 3.5 years now) I have received a letter threatening me with court action and imprisonment, what can I do? She has another boyfriend now, I cannot force her to send our children to school. Iain Smith
Matt 6 Feb 2018
I am separated from my wife who has residency with our two and a half year old daughter. My contact with my daughter is good (every weekend) and I make strong financial contributions to their maintenance, but she refuses to tell me day-to-day things, like when she misses nursery through illness, and most recently about a hospital visit involving an x-ray after a fall at ice-skating, which meant I couldn’t visit the hospital to be there with them. Can I insist that she share this kind of information with me?
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Feb 2018
If you own your house jointly in a ‘trust for sale’ you may be able to force the sale of the property. This is done by applying for a court order that would in effect allow for the property to be sold, and would provide a timescale within which it should be sold. At this stage, you should make a note of the way in which your ex-wife is being un-cooperative, and in as much detail as possible. A solicitor's letter outlining your rights to have access to your 'jointly' owned house may work in the first instance. Plus, if it outlines your rights to force the sale of the house and financial implications on both of you if you have to take the matter to court, then this may encouarge her to agree. However, if she doesn't, then court is your only option.
Boo 1 Feb 2018
I purchased a house with my partner back in 2005. We then separated nearly 6 years ago in May after having 2 children, the breakup was down to me not being able to live with her anymore.It has been a battle ever since.I have a new partner & we have a baby together & my ex has moved into a large family house with her new partner whom bought the house for her, himself & my 2 children.Our house that we had bought is now empty & I have asked twice for a doorkey so I can enter the property, she refuses to give me back my key.We both want to sell the house.Where do I stand???
Sam 29 Jan 2018
Gods truth when you meet me you where right I not marrying material I stayed because of do the right thing I’m been real no game i was never attracted to you I stay because it was a cover I didn’t care who you cheated with because I’m (gay).there you have the truth I’m been real.terminate my rights .
not dead yet 29 Jan 2018
for record sam i dodge the bullet sucker ha ha.
Chris 28 Jan 2018
Hello i have a quick question... the mother of my daughter and me are separated. ... she have a new bf amd is pregnant in the 9.month with him... with i dont have a problem with... she moved with her bf together and i wanted to know where cuz my daughter lives with her and as a father i have the right where my child lives... but she refuse to tell me where . Reason she said is she doesnt feel comfortable if i know where she n her bf lives... thing is iam a calm person i never beat her or did something wrong to her tht might could give her any legal reason to not telling me. It is not about her or her bf its about my child tht i know where she is.... what can i do
In0007 28 Jan 2018
Hi, my ex (not married) wants to move my son 350 miles away (same country). Can I stop this happening? Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 26 Jan 2018
You’ll need to apply to a court for permission to take a child abroad if you haven’t got permission from the other people with parental responsibility, This should tell you all you need to know.
sam 26 Jan 2018
I like this site what is the sentence for murder if you calm insanity?. Like this is going to happen your advise please .and i think you to a oath you lawyers so between us?.
Rights4dads 26 Jan 2018
Hi, I need some advice about what rights I have to take my two kids (11 & 8 years old) abroad for holidays. I have been living in France for 3 years now and my kids are living in Devon with their mother, and haven't been able to bring them here for a holiday because my ex wife refuses. My parents and other family members live in South Africa and this too has not yet been possible since we separated and divorced. I would like to know what my rights are as father to bring my children to France and South Africa although my ex outright denies us. She is using all excuses possible such as there's too many terrorist attacks, her child from her new relationship will suffer separation anxiety if my kids are away on holiday. My children would love to come and are always asking but I feel that my hands are tied, what children wouldn't love to go to Disneyland? More concerning is that my son feels he'll be happier if lived with me than with my ex and her partner. I feel that mediation and the court proceedings are the only option as trying to be amicable or to discuss anything reasonable with her is simply futile. Please advise me what the best route or course of action for my situation is. Thank you.
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Jan 2018
Your only recourse would be to prove that you are not the biological father via a DNA test, The CMS may help to organise this for you. If the mother has named you as the father and you are certain you are definitely not the father, then you may be able to halt child maintenance payments until the result is confirmed. However, be warned, if you are confirmed as the father, then you will be expected to pay this money back as arreas, and this amount can mount up to a sizeable sum. Alternatively, you may be asked to pay child maintenance until the result is confirmed either way. If you are confirmed not to be the father payments will stop and you may be entitled to claim these payments back. If it is proved that you are the biological father, then you will continue to pay child maintenance until your child leaves full-time education. Please also note that child maintenance payments are based on your taxable earnings, meaning you have to be earning to be eligible to pay.
Rich 24 Jan 2018
Hi - my wife is insisting on having the children 60:40. I am living in the family home and looking after the children after wife moved out with another man. I simply want 50:50 for benefit of the children. I earn more than my wife. Am I liable for child maintenance and who would have the main parental Responsibility? Thanks
S j b 24 Jan 2018
How can I terminate my rights and remove my last name from my (fake )daughters birth certificate?.her mother was a (night worker).i was only 20 a (kid ).she lied to me when I wasn’t the biological father.i was smittened with her( body).and agreed to go on birth certificate so her kid didn’t have father unknown on birth certificate.now she wants (money ).please help i was young .
Vanished 23 Jan 2018
I speak for my boyfriend.hes ex cheated all the time .they have a daughter .hes ex wants him to see the child .but my boyfriend is not the same men she new .i would like to tell her to give up because he will never see that child again even when the child is 18 or older it will never happen .please (believe my words.)it is (heartbreaking) .he wants hes (last name removed )he is serous.i would like to say I feel sorry for the child .
Mil Editor 23 Jan 2018
@ataloss - it can take time. There is no saying how long. Did the court not give your partner access when putting the court order together?
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Jan 2018
Regardless of whether you believe you are the father of your child or not, you are still deemed responsible for your child until you attempt to prove otherwise via a DNA test
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Jan 2018
As a rule child benefit and child maintenance go hand-in-hand, as in when child benefit stops, so does child maintenance automatically, You may wish seek legal advice regarding this, or a letter to your ex might work. If you decide to stop paying without authorisation, and you pay usually via CMS and your child is still eligible, you will be responsible for arrears. You can either trust that CMS are working in line with the child benefit office, or take your own action i.e seek legal advice in order to explore your options.
Albert Hall 22 Jan 2018
My son is 18, 19 this year. I still pay maintenance but as he and his mother made a surprise decision to cease all contact I cannot find out if he is working or in education. The college I believe he started at when 16 do not respond. Child benefits will not discuss due to data protection. My communication with my son has been ignored. Where do I find out if I should still be paying. I dnt want argument nor strife from his mum if I just stop.
Chris 21 Jan 2018
Hi I have a different question .i hate the mother of my child and don’t believe I’m the father anyway so I want my last name removed how do I do that ?
ataloss 20 Jan 2018
Hello, my fiance is a broken man. His ex partner has his 5 year old daughter and he hasn't seen her in 2 weeks. He had access one day a week prior to this, although sometimes the ex would deny the one day a week for no reason, it was when it suited her. She has never put their daughters best interests first. As a mother myself I have never been able to understand this. My ex husband has always had access to our children, despite what happened between us. It is his right as a father and children need their fathers. Anyway, outside this one day a week he has never been allowed access, not even a telephone call or a text reply when he asks how she is. He isn't invited to her first day at school, school shows or parents evenings etc, he isn't told if she is unwell or how she is doing. He just has the one day a week. He has done nothing wrong, other than seperate with his partner of two years, 3 years ago, so she punishes him with restricting access to their child. Even if his daughter wants to speak to her daddy on the phone, mummy says no. We are aware that the ex takes class A drugs and she is not fit to parent at times. My fiance took his daughter into his care on his one day a week and went to police, who confirmed he had right to keep her in his custody as they were concerned for welfare of child. Despite police and social services being informed, the Mother raised court action to get her back and she was taken from our safe and happy home where she was happy with her daddy and my two children. The ex still has custody of the child and has not allowed my fiance to see his daughter for weeks now. He has got a solicitor now, but he is waiting on hearing from her solicitor. Haven't heard anything in weeks and my fiance is broken, distraught at not having any access to his child. What are we to do? How can a child be allowed to be in the home of someone that has drugs in the house? The system is horrendous. How has she more rights than my fiance? He is the better parent. I'm aware the process will be long, he is going to tor full custody, or at least he will come away from this with a court order for set days and more access. How long will it take and can she really stop all access as she has done? He is not the one in the wrong here. And who suffers the most? The child. What an awful system. Any advice will be helpful. We feel powerless.
Chrissie 19 Jan 2018
My sons dad hasnt been around for the last 6 years, ive asked time and time again if he wants to see hes son but doesnt want to bother. So i made a decision to go child maintenance, he is now asking for my sons birth certificate because if hes paying for him he wants hes son in hes name and wants 50 rights. Hes not on the birth certificate so what rights has he got?
sjb 19 Jan 2018
i would like to thank you for your advise .we will do what you said .my man was a fighter and he can prove he has changed he is a home owner and has very good job .he said he wasted to many years fighting for wrong people when he should have fought for he's daughter .thanks again
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Jan 2018
Have you officially applied for flexible working? If not
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Jan 2018
A C4 form, which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts should be filled in an presented to court with a C100 contact form. This will allow the courts to put a trace on the child, which will allow the matter to come to court.
Sons 18 Jan 2018
Hi im married but we have been broken up a few months now we been havin some problems with one of our kids and my son now wants to live with his dad i dont mind that as long as I'm still in his life as much as I want and I still want a say in his life so how can I let him live with his dad but still have all my rights
Sjb 18 Jan 2018
My fiancé and I are getting married at the end of the year .my fiancé has orders against him .its (our dream )to have his daughter in our wedding and be apart of our family .how can we get the orders lifted?.we are not rich people .what are the chances of winning with no legal help?
Sdp 17 Jan 2018
Hi, I’ve currently have a 50:50 agreement with my ex, although there is nothing formal in this, and in the space of a month she has threatened to go to the police if my girlfriend looked after her, and is now not happy with my chosen childminder whilst I’m at work (both of these people have no convictions). Am I right in thinking that whilst my daughter is in my care it is upto myself who looks after my daughter providing there is no risk of harm to my daughter?
Sjb im on to you aga 17 Jan 2018
Please help what legal action do I did after 8years of not seeing my child.
Miss sjb 17 Jan 2018
My husband ex girlfriend is hiding my husband child we don’t no where they are .what can we do ?
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Jan 2018
Your husband can apply for both PR and a child arrangement order simultaneously. However, if there is a restraining order in place, then he may wish to seek legal advice first to see whether he has a case.
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Jan 2018
Yes, if you wish to move from the area you need permission from the other parent who holds parental responsibility. If the mother refuses, then you would need to refer the matter back to court. Some people decide to make the decision without asking the courts, but this action would give the other parent the option to bring this matter back in front of a judge. The court will then decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of the child and it can force the other parent to relocate back to the area. Therefore, it is always best to request permission first.
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Jan 2018
If you have shared care of the children to date, then you have as equal rights as your ex to have the children. However, it's not about 'rights' - it is about agreement first and foremost. Both you and your ex should agree between you either mutually or via mediation. Court is always seen as the last resort and you would not be able to apply until all other avenues had been explored first. Court is stressful and only used when matters have got to breaking point. It seems currently that you have a good working agreement in place. So use mediation where you can't agree on any issues.
CW 16 Jan 2018
Hi, I am asking this on behalf of my husband who has an 8 year old daughter with his ex-partner. He is not on the birth certificate (so has no PR) and due to a domestic incident in 2014 where my husband was charged and convicted for a common assault on his ex-partner (albeit this was actually a two sided ‘fight’ for which only my husband was charged) and was given a restraining order he has not had any contact with his daughter. He has applied for the restraining order to be lifted due to him having no contact with his ex-partner, albeit she often sends his nasty messages which he simply ignores (he still has these as proof); but he has been told by his daughters school that his ex-partner has been risk assessed again and is stating she is still scared of him and because of this school have been advised by social services that because he does not have PR he is not entitled to receive school reports etc. My husband desperately wants to have contact with his daughter but we just don’t know the best way to go about it, is he best to apply for PR first or does he go to court and apply for a child contact order? Any advice would be appreciated.
fleky321 15 Jan 2018
hi all just need some advice. my son is in my care i have 50% parental responsibility, residency and a child arrangement order is in the process all working in my favour. i have the backing of social services lawyers and family. so my question is do i still need my sons mothers permission if i want to move my son to another part of the UK? there is no specific details in the order about access for his mother. what do i do??
Marky mark 15 Jan 2018
Hi all need help My partner moved back to her mums over 9 months ago after 16 years saying that we have drifted apart leaving me to support the children financially as well as doing the general day to day stuff at home. We have agreed that we share every other weekend as well has her taking kids to school in the mornings and dropping them back. What rights would i have to have the children live with me permanently
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Jan 2018
Your ex does not have to give you the address of her new home, that is her prerogative. Likewise, it is unlikely that a court would force her to. Any issues/ arrangements you cannot agree between you, should be agreed via mediation.
Pez 13 Jan 2018
Hi. Me and my ex wife separated in August 2016. We had 2 children together, my daughter who was 2 at the time and my son who was 8 month's. Whilst it was hell for me as my kids are my life, I am now at a position of its all that its all about the kids. We have since divorced and she is now engaged and living with her new partner which she met 10 months ago. She had been living with our children next door to her parents house up until 4 months ago which she then moved back into their home until her new house was ready. Originally my 3 year old daughter told me they were moving so i asked the ex if that was true, she said yes but it's none of my business where they are gonna move to. I was told it was local and nothing would change regarding where they were picked up and dropped off to. I am sick of seeing her family now and In all honesty herself.....but with work commitments etc etc it kinda works but I would prefer to cut ties with them all. For 18 months I've had to go back to a place where I was a happy fixture for 10 years. Courts have not been involved so far although I was blackmailed that I couldn't see my children because of her breaking the law and been grassed on to the authorities which I can categorically say I had nothing to do with, but the stress it caused me and my family at the time as well as paying her money for me to carry on seeing my children won't ever take away what she did. I have travelled back and forth for 18 months now seeing my children 3-4 days a week In between work and they are loved and cared for when in my care. They have been on holidays with me and spend at least 30 nights a year since split with me. I could go on but it's irrelevant at this time but my question is now that they have moved into a new house, is my ex right telling me that it's none of my business where they live? I'm not bothered about my ex it's just about my children. I know they are "looked after " but it pains me not to know where they actually are. Thankyou
Nigetheonion 12 Jan 2018
I'm paying maintenance to my daughter who has just turned 18. She is currently at 6th Form but is only undertaking one A' Level. I believe that maintenance is payable up to the age of 20 if a child is in full-time study, is that right? But, does one A' Level actually class as full-time? It can only be around 6 or so hours of tuition. I just want to know my actual legal obligation so I can make a decision either way. Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 12 Jan 2018
In the first instance, you can contact the school or your LEA to complain and say you do not agree with the school's decision at this important stage in your child's education. The school should have also asked your permission as you are the other parent with parental responsibility and the primary carer of your child.
Tired 11 Jan 2018
My son who is now 11 is supposed to be going to secondary school on 4th sept. His dad got engaged two years ago and has organised to take him abroad on the 5th for his wedding. My son will be leaving a year of 28 to a year of over 200 children. Very shy and takes a while to settle. I don't want him to go, as this is a big time for my son. I have had dealings with his father bfore , when. It getting what he wants , verbally abusive so I am scared to say I will not let him go. The school has sent him an email saying it's fine. But haven't asked me. He's had two years to sort his wedding but has chooses this important time. (Has rang social services in me bfore for my sons lack of attendance at school) he had always suffered from bad to fevers since little, but his father hasn't ever attended a doctors appointment , parents evening ect. So finding this a bit of a slap on the face. Is there n e thing I can do to stop this so my son can have that settling in period with all his new class mates ?
Kumar 10 Jan 2018
Hi, My kids are living with my wife with male friend/cousion. Recently my wife ask me of a seperation but I feel like her cousins almost act like farther where my wife is very happy. Our youngest daughter is very scared to talk to me and very attached to cousin even called him daddy. I am stressed and confused in many ways go to handle this
Slb 9 Jan 2018
Hello ...I’m portuguese and I’m living in uk for 5 years... I have 2 little girls and my name are in the birth certificates 3 months ago my ex partner asked about terminate the relationship we never married and now she won’t go back to Portugal but I don’t want to go... what is my rights about this situation
Tetleytel 9 Jan 2018
My sons name is not on his sons birth certificate, as his ex-girlfriend did not want my son to have any form of parental rights. She now wants to go on holiday abroad and wants my son to look after the baby - who has parental responsibility for the baby if she is abroad? If baby was poorly can my son give consent at hospital etc etc? Should my sons ex-girlfriend provide him with something in writing waiving her parental responsibility to him? Thanks for any information
Raj 9 Jan 2018
Hi everyone I’m separated from my wife 2 year ago I have 2 sons 5 and 2 years old. I paying everything for them house rent ,gas bill, electricity bill, shopping, uniform any school money etc and I’m going clean my children clothes, wash dishes twice a week clean house My wife just lying down 24/7 can I take my kids with me but I’m living my cousin house
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Jan 2018
I am sorry to hear this. If the mother does not register your son's name on the birth certificate - then your son has no rights to his child. In this case, as specified in the article, your son would have to apply to court for Parental Responsibility, , which will give him some rights, but not rights to access. For contact/access rights, he would also have to apply to court, The sooner he applies, the better. Social workers will attempt to keep the child with his/her siblings. Likewise, as in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Your son may not get 'residency' of his child, but he should be able to get access. Also, if he has PR, he will have more of a say in the future of his child. It is also worth getting advice from Social Services, with regards to your son's best options - as much depends upon the circumstances surrounding the situation.
Sjb 9 Jan 2018
Hi the mother of my child is running scared because I’m clairvoyant and telepathic.how do I get her to stop running from me so I can see my child what course of legal action do I need?
Mr_c 9 Jan 2018
I have been having consisyent issues with the mother of my son for the last 3 years since seperating. From the day our son was born i advised her that in no circumstances should my father have any access to seeing my son. My father was never there for me or my brother growing up from the age of 2. Since finishing she has constantly sneeked behind my back and allowed access to happen even after confronting her on the issue she has still contiously kept doing it. Do i have grounds to put in place an injuction against this occuring as im an active single father and have been in my sons life from the day he was born
CareyB Editor 8 Jan 2018
@Sez - you still have to get permission from the school to take your son out for the half day and if the school refuses permission, you can be fined.
Nannie gillian 8 Jan 2018
My son had a baby yesterday with a girl he isn't in a relationship with. He was there for the birth, everything was fine. Now this morning he received a message telling him he isn't getting any access to the baby. The mother doesn't even have custody, her mother has been given the baby as she all ready has the girls other three children as she was unfit to look after them, what can we do. I intend to go see the local social work dept where they live o wednesday. Just wanted to know if anyone has had a similar problem and could possibly give us some advice. Thanks
Sez 6 Jan 2018
Hi, my 8 year old son sees his father in prison every month. Me and his father are separated. But I need to know what the law says if a school denies me taking My son out of school for half a day to travel down. 1h30min each way. Can they do that or do we have rights? He is o to going on a school day because it is as close to his dad's birthday we could get. Thank you x
NJ Editor 5 Jan 2018
@Ed - Whatever you do, don't contact your ex about access to your son as you will find yourself in an even more hot water. If you want to see your son you'll have to apply to court. It's really difficult I know - I have had loads of help from the guys from the forum who advised me to do things in the right order. I now see my son regularly but it's taken two years to get to this point. You have to play the long game - if you try to buck the system then it will take a whole lot longer. Trust me - I tried.
Abec1989 30 Dec 2017
Hello, I hope somebody can help me, I have a 9 month old daughter I have seen her twice a week as me and her mother are separated, now she is stopping me from seeing my daughter altogether since she has started a relationship with someone else, I'm not on the birth cert and Im trying to find my rights as a dad, she said I wount stand a chance because farther is unknown on her birth cert, hope someone can help , thanks
Jakoob 26 Dec 2017
Dear all I need an advise, I have a 5 years old girl she live with her Mum befor she was Bourne we split up, 1- she choose name and use her surname not min while I am her biological father 2- she will not Allows me to take her anywhere without her permision 3-my name is not on birth certificates 4-she always tells me that I should be seeing her 3 days a week to be able to take her out on my own while I am student and working and paying for her £180 a month I couldn’t get extra time to see her 3 days a week but I do spend time towice sometime 3 times a week but it depend. Now is any one can give me some advice what’s my wright and how can I do to wine my right
ReunitedDad 19 Dec 2017
I’m half way through going to court to get access to my 11month old Daughter. After the Fact Finding hearing a was granted weekly access via a contact centre. Has anybody got any tips as to help rekindle our relationship as Harper (my girl) is very young and has not seen her Daddy for 6 months now? I haven’t had any information from her mother about what Harper likes or dislikes..
BLee88 18 Dec 2017
Hopefully someone can help me. In 2013 I was in an abusive relationship- her being the abuser. She got pregnant and ended our relationship and cut contact. In November 2013 I took her to court to get access to my child and was granted parental rights and a child arrangements order. During proceedings I had some contact in various secure settings. After the final hearing in March 2014 my ex and daughter disappeared and ignored the orders. I managed to with the help of my ex's father see my daughter for an hour on her first birthday but she vanished again. Me and my partner have been looking for her ever since, we aren't financially in a position to pay for the court to locate her as well as another set of proceedings. We recently pin pointed her location to a local council estate as we learnt she was in a new relationship with a guy who we know to have a violent reputation. We've been asking around and suddenly we are getting abusive phone calls complete with death threats and demands for our address, which we have reported to the police. We are currently in a position where we do not know what to do now WE REFUSE to give up on my daughter but we have our own 2 year old daughter (who is chronically ill) and my partners 5 year old son to consider. Any advice or similar stories would be appreciated as I've no idea what to do next.. thanks in advance.
Ash 13 Dec 2017
If a father has 50% parental responsibility does he have a say on where the child lives? I'm still in a 10 mile radius from him. And does he have a say on what school they would go to?
Les 9 Dec 2017
Please we need help... My sons girlfriend stopped all of us seeing my grandson in May this year. There was no reason for stopping us we feel it was because she had another child with a different guy and she married him and things changed. She has gone down every route trying to say my son was not a good father to then saying he was violent then knowing that got her nowhere she tried saying he was never interested in his child. My son loves his little boy so much and is in bits he can not see him. My son has had still has a solicitor and has had her send letters ect and ask the ex to go to mediation which she refuses. My son went to a mediation meeting other week and still she won't agree to attend. We are beside our self we don't know where to turn. My son only works weekend or when needed in a security firm and has got into debt due to the solicitors bills ect. He can't efford to go to a court with this and we are in dire straits and don't know what to do. Why should these parents be allowed to play God and do this to people and the children. We have done nothing wrong at all but be there and luv this little one and now our hearts break every day. My son is beside himself. Please can anyone help us we don't know WAT to do next.
SeparatedDads Editor 4 Dec 2017
Your friend can order copies of his children's birth certificates which
G1970 1 Dec 2017
Hello. I hope someone can help. My flatmate and his wife are separated but still married. She has the birth certificates for both sons. He now needs these for a seperate legal matter but she is refusing to pass them over. Can she legally do this. I should have thought that any document that has your name on it, must be surrendered to you if you require it? An email response would be preferred. Many thanks in advance. Best wishes
Goofy 30 Nov 2017
Hi new to this, my ex girlfriend and I split up 2 and half years ago and we have gorgeous twin boys together. The ex seems to keep them away when it please her but I have been to a lawyer and came to an agreement not through courts that I have contact from 4pm on a Friday to 1pm on Monday as they are at nursery. But recently she has been dressing the boys in girls clothing which I think is very inappropriate. I suffer from depression and anxiety through the fighting for my kids. I don't pay CSA to her as I am on benefits and pay for the kids myself when I have my contact at weekends. She will not agree to court or anything else for that matter as the kids arent getting looked after properly when with her. They are unwashed and they both suffer with bad eczema and she doesn't provide their medication to them for it. (Claims they are seeking attention) she moans about not having a life and I have said if she agrees I would have them full time as she suffers with depression too. All i want it for my kids to be looked after and have them full time what can I do?
Dell 30 Nov 2017
Hello Me and my ex have split for over a year now and I have a partner and my ex is saying she will not let me see them when my partner is around. Can she do that? Thanks Dell
SeparatedDads Editor 30 Nov 2017
I am sorry to hear this. In the first place you would have to request that your ex attends mediation in order to try to resolve the issues. If your ex refuses, then you would have the option to apply to court. The court will not judge you, if you are suffering from depression or other mental health issues if you are seeking help. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. If you have been a consistent father to date, then there is no reason why the court will refuse access. If a court order is put in place, then your ex will have to keep to it. You may find our Separated Dads forum useful, as dads who have been through this process before will be able to give you both practical and emotional support. I hope this helps.
etzio 28 Nov 2017
hi. my ex has been mentally abusing me for years. I only recently realised how bad it was. we have split five months ago after I had a mental breakdown. she is now using this against me in relation to me being able to see my children. we have three children together. she has only allowed me two hours a week on a Saturday, in the marital home, with her upstairs, too see and spend time with my children. I have depression and early stages of bi polar. I want to be a part of my children's lives. what should I do please?
SeparatedDads Editor 28 Nov 2017
If your wife wishes to move her new husband into the marital home and you disagree, your only recourse would be to challenge the matter through court (if your ex will not consent to mediation in order to resolve the matter outside court).
om 27 Nov 2017
My wife divorced me last year.She is living in our marital house with my kids.I moved out by court law.Recently i heard that she is remarrying.Can her new husband move in to our marital house which half owned by me?What are my legal rights on it?
Mal 27 Nov 2017
Hi I'm new to this Me and my ex have been split for over 2 years now We have always had a routine when we were together and since we have split that she drops the boys of at school and I pick the boys up they have been staying at mine every tues and Thursday and I drop them at her moms house where she has been living to save some money for a house and the nights that the boys are staying at hers she has been picking them up from mine as I pick them up from school Since the split I have bought a house in the same area to suit the boys staying in contact with there friends and close for the schools Now she's buying a house 20 miles away and is demanding that the routine has to change saying that the boys need to stay over Wednesday Thursday Friday every week meaning I have to drop of and pick up Thursday and Friday meaning I lose money with my work leaving me in financial difficulties Can she make me do this I have threatened to have the boys every other weekend snd pay the correct maintainence if she try's to make this happen If I do this can she take me to court to make me have her routine I'm completely lost in all this and don't know where I stand Many thanks
Safc 23 Nov 2017
Can I stop my ex partners new boyfriend from picking my son up from school ??
Hunter 22 Nov 2017
Me and my wife where together for 10 years married for 7 of that years I got 2 kids with her and now we split I’m still happy to see my kids 2 times a week or more if I can and them to stay with me overnight 2 weekend a month now she said that she will cut contact for 1 day a week and the weekend stay the same can she do that? I’m happy to stay with them 2 or more times a week after school from 3 until 6 and pay child support
Lightning 22 Nov 2017
My ex girlfriend is 14 weeks pregnant , I don’t want a a child I’m only 20 myself , she has told me she is keeping it what are my legal obligations when the child is born and through the pregnancy ?
Tats 20 Nov 2017
Me and my girlfriend split up about 2 months ago she is due to give birth in 2 weeks but is refusing to speak to me or have any contact I don't know where I stand?
Steph 7 Nov 2017
I had to get a court order to get my daughter back from my husband and he refused to come to the court hearing so my daughter is left with no contact with her father her half brother, 3 months have now passed and she wants to see them what can I do for her?
Gazza 31 Oct 2017
Hi me and my wife split up just over 2 years ago I pay child maintance for my 3 girls I was havin my girls 2 days a week which we both agreed on but she has lately moved from Runcorn to Wales with her new partener I gave my eldest daughter a mobile so I can speak to her and her sister but lately my ex is not answering her phone she has taken the phone of my daughter because she is telling me she is being naughty but i think my ex has done thAt on purpose to stop me speaking to my kids as when I ring her phone it just rings or she has it turned of all I want is contact with my kids on a Daley can you help thanks .
Determined Dad 30 Oct 2017
Hi, I have a 1 yr old child with my partner but we are not married. we have recently split up and I would like to know my rights as a Father in relation to how often I am legally allowed to see my child. My partner insists that I cannot take our child out without her there so therefore stopping me from spending quality time just me and my child.Is she allowed to do this? also, where do I stand with my child staying at my house? any help would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Dad0000 29 Oct 2017
Hi, My wife and I separated earlier this year and when discussing access over Christmas she has dictated that the children will be with her for the run up to Christmas, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and that this will be the case every year. I have asked for us to alternate Christmas day each year but she has refused. Does the law grant me any rights when it comes to Christmases and birthdays?
Jackie 24 Oct 2017
My son’s daughter has lived with him for three years since she was 2 years old, her mother has now suggested that she wants her back, she is happy and settled, what are his rights he is very concerned
Jc 24 Oct 2017
Hiya can I get some advice? My ex told me when she was 8 months pregnant that she was pregnant with my child... I said I wanted to be part of the child’s life. I suggested a dna which she refused to do, but I carried on wanting access anyway. When he was born she allowed me to see him for half an hour, then after that I’ve not been allowed to see him, it’s been 4 months and I’ve still not been allowed to see him. I’ve contacted her so many times and she doesn’t reply. What shall I do?
Grays 24 Oct 2017
When we broke up 2yrs ago after 20yrs together, our two children (now aged 14 and 20) chose to live with me (Dad). After 4 months mum started to mess around with maintenance payment which halted without reason and the children decided not to have any further contact with mum because of trust issues., my repeated requests to re-start maintenance fell on deaf ears. (The maintenance agreement was between ourselves). Mum has now re-appeared after 20 months of not seeing the children, asking to see them, which I have not denied but the children don’t wish to restart contact or see her unless she restarts maintenance for the youngest child, there are huge trust issues. We were not married and both children have my name on their birth certificates. Where do I stand as the children are adamant they do not want to restart contact or see her because of trust issues and that mum had no regard for maintenance. Mum now says she cannot currently afford to pay after losing her job 3 weeks ago but was in full time employment during the entire 3yr period but chose to halt payment after 4 months. I have no objection to mum meeting with our daughters on the basis that maintenance is being paid and this is not just a flash in the pan. She says she will pay when back in work but no time frame on this and I strongly suspect that she won’t pay based on the fact that she stopped paying when she was comfortable with money. Obviously this does not appply to the eldest child who at 20 is now an adult and out of parental responsibility. However, the youngest child (aged 14) is adamant not to re-establish contact with mum unless she is paying maintenance., it’s a feeling of mum actually being bothered and great mistrust.
SeparatedDads Editor 24 Oct 2017
You should have been informed through the courts where the hearing was taking place. If you were not granted access to see your children, then you would have to apply back to court. You would have to be able to justify why you didn't attend the last hearing. You may wish to seek legal advice.
Shane 21 Oct 2017
My ex who i was married too for 14 years had 3 affairs behind my back then asked for a divorce.... she too me to court for custody of my kids then lied too me saying she wasnt going then also lied about where the hearing was and ended up getting full custody do i still have rights when my name is on the birth certificate?
MartinV Editor 16 Oct 2017
@topher8 - most dads want to have their kids as much as possible. Many women work full-time and have kids as single parents. I would have my kids as much as possible as it grants me better leverage to have shared care or residency (if my ex ever objects in the future). Think of the kids first and what's best for them, it's time to concentrate on them, not what your ex is up to. I'd say yes to everything to do with having my kids as there are too many dads out there who are stopped from seeing their kids which is more than heartbreaking. But that's me.
topher8 15 Oct 2017
My wife and I have split after 10 years of marriage. Which came out of the blue.I found out shortly after that she had been having an month affair with my sisters husband. My wife has stayed at the family home we rented with our 3 kids who are 9,7 and 3. My wife made me leave the family home as it is next to the school and she needs it for her artist work. She has also has a part time job to earn tax credits and although I work full time could not afford the rent on my own. I am now living at my parents and have been given the short end of the straw as all I have left house with was my clothes. I take the kids to there classes every mon,tues,wed for an hour and have them at my parents every week from Friday 4pm till Sunday 8pm. I work 8-4 everyday so have little time in between. Now my wife is asking for me to have them for more hours and a sunday night. I think the extra hours are unreasonable and I know she is using my love for the kids to try to convince me. I'm not sure where I stand. Am I having them enough already. Any advice???
Valentin 14 Oct 2017
My ex doesn’t allow to see my 5 years old son which I cared after every single day since he was born because the mother was busy studying nursing. She hired a solicitor who is threatening me she will apply for a Non-Molestation Order if I will attempt to see my son at school or at home. I hired a solicitor as well who is only sending letters to the other side, but nothing else. I haven’t seen my Son in a month and I know he really misses me. What should I do?
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Oct 2017
There is no set age - it is organised through mutual agreement between the parents. If the parents cannot agree, then mediation should be the next step to consider.
SeparatedDads Editor 12 Oct 2017
If you refuse, your ex would have to take the matter to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Therefore, there is no guarantee he will be granted this.
Marie 11 Oct 2017
My ex and I broke up when I was expecting my daughter 9 yrs ago, he took me to court when she was a baby and losted access to her due to his criminal record, then he took me again 2yrs ago an got contact through social services, he only sees her 4 times a year supervised an will never be unsupervised, he now wants his name on her birth certificate is there any y I can stop him from getting it put on her birth certificate
Bob 9 Oct 2017
Mediation has broken down, so we have moved on to the courts to settle (only just been sent the letter so) I currently only see my 2 yr old daughter Tues and Wed 7.45 till 4pm. I want more time and over night stays but she will not allow. What advice can anyone offer?? Plus who and how can I fight for more than 2 days per week?
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Oct 2017
You can see more whichHowever, paying child maintenance does not give you a right to control the other parent's movements. The fact you have parental responsibility means your ex would have to request your consent (unless she has a residence order). If you refuse, then she would have to apply to court. As with any application for an order, the court will always decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your child.
Michelle 9 Oct 2017
Hi, my daughter in law has told my son that she no longer loves him (we suspect another man is involved) and wants to end the marriage. They have a beautiful little girl who is nearly four, and was born in wedlock. There has been absolutely no violence or abuse in their marriage, my son wants equal 50/50 split custody of his daughter but his wife is saying no, can he insist for equal custody? Or can he go for full custody? The only issue on both parts that they both have mental health issues, with my son it's anxiety attacks and with the daughter In law it's an eating disorder which has seen her committed a few times and she is heading that way again, my son has never been committed for his problems and receives regular counselling. Please can you tell me what his rights are? He is still in the marriage home.
Cher 7 Oct 2017
Hi at what age do the children get to choice if they want to go I have always given my child the right to choose it they go with my ex or not on the days that they have them
Daaad 7 Oct 2017
Hi! Can my ex go abroad with my child without my permission? ?How and where I can forbid my kids going abroad? If I'm paying child support than I think I have rights to do that??!!
richard 6 Oct 2017
After 16 years together my partner decided to leave saying we drifted apart and has moved back to her mum and dads.Ive always paid the mortgage and bills and she helps out with the food bills or any activities the kids wanted to do. I have the children living with me (age 8 & 10 ) and do all the washing, house work etc and she doesn't give me a penny towards there up bring even thought she gets child benefits money for them. Her excuse is that she spend money on them when she has them for 5 -6 hours of the weekend. Basically what happens is she will pick up the children in the morning to take to school while i go to work,then picks them up at 15.30 after school and takes them back to the family homeuntill i come home from work at 17.30 then she leaves to go back to her mum and dads. I want to have the kids living with me as i have proved over the last 5 months that i can provide for them and support then. What rights do i have to gain custody of my kids as it would brake my heart if i lost them aswell.
Mickey 4 Oct 2017
Split up with my ex 5 months ago and keeps making excuses that I cant see my 3 kids (ages 5, 2 and 1). I havent seen or even spoken to them since July 3 months ago and its breaking my heart crying all the time, filling up walking down the street everytime I see parents with their kids. Just feel my whole world has fell apart, got made redundant in a good paid job I had for 4 years then split up with ex a week later and been in and out of work since. I cant take any more of this its been 5 months since the split things should be sorted out, instead I just feel lost and still at square 1, Ive even just wished I was dead as it seems to be the only option to rid of this pain. I dont have all this money for solicitors etc.
Brenda 2 Oct 2017
My son and his ex girlfriend split up when she was pregnant and my son was really upset, a month later she got a new boyfriend and my son was devastated, she told my son over text that she didn't want to see him or hear from him until the baby was born. I have contacted her and her mother to find out how her and the baby are and all I got told was once the babies born we all can see her 2 hours a week supervised, I have sent numerous messages asking how her and the baby are, even upto her due date and had no reply, my son found out his daughter had been born a week later and was never contacted, she has said unless he agrees to 2 hours a week supervised contact and pays maintenance then he can't see his daughter, we don't know if she is going to put my son on the birth certificate, can anyone help us, can my son get more access and bring her home to meet his family and the baby's
CC 1 Oct 2017
Hi I was wondering if anyone has any advice they could offer as I'm feeling any stuck, my partner and I separated about 6 months ago and I am now with someone else, I have been seeing my daughter regularly (the ex partner tells me when I can have her) but has now changed her mind as she doesn't want anyone else in my daughters life. She is now telling me I will be seeing her at contact centres, I obviously really don't want this but I'm not being given a say, is there anything else I can do? I know people mention mediation and court, this is all new to me so was wondering if anyone could help with advice? Thanks
Sandy 1 Oct 2017
Since my split from my ex i have paid 100 a week over the last couple of years bare maybe a couple of weeks where i have been struggling at times i make sure i see my boy at least 4 times a week and i used to be able to have him from friday to Sunday every other weekend but have had that taken away out of spit for my new relationship i have been told i am a great dad and no this is affecting my son as have been asked to deal with his attitude that has come in the last few months but never with me i just want to no if i have a leg to stand on with me being able to take him to mine as have beem told she will stop me seeing him i would understand if i was a bad father but i would give anything to have him live with me. What are my rights on my time with my son? Can i actually be stopped from seeing my boy?
James 30 Sep 2017
I have a daughter who is 3 years old. I split up with her mum when she was 9 months old. I pay lots in maintenance each month to make sure my daughter has everything she needs. I do have access to see her but it is always at her mum's house. I don't like having to see her there as her mum is always making comments to me and creating a bad atmosphere. She will not let me take my daughter out on my own which is what I want to do. I would like to take her for days out etc.Can she stop me doing this?
Ma 30 Sep 2017
My son separated from his wife ( not his decision). They have 2 children aged 5 and 10 ( both born before their marriage). She only allows him to have them overnight once a week ( and she is trying to reduce that fortnightly). She is calling all the shots. He wants to have them twice a week overnight and possibly see them another time in the week if he finishes work on time. Both children love spending time with him so there's no issues there. He works full time mon - fri. Now rents his own home that he's had to build from nothing ( she kept everything- home and contents). He pays full maintenance regularly. Occasionally buys the children clothes and shoes. Has no spare money whatsoever after he's paid all bills etc. Question is, what are his rights to enforce that he has them overnight twice weekly? He can't afford any legal representation ( I think she is deliberately keeping down the overnight access so that her maintenance isn't lowered!) Thanks in advance
SeparatedDads Editor 29 Sep 2017
If your ex does not allow you to be in your child's life, you have three options. Firstly, you can try to negotiate between you. Where this fails you would have to suggest your ex attends mediation and if she refuses, or if mediation breaks down then you have the option to apply to court to see your son unsupervised. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. The courts do want non-resident parents to have a relationship with their children, and unless your ex can provide evidence of a good reason why you shouldn't, then access will be granted. Once a court order is in place, your ex will have to stick to it.
RR 28 Sep 2017
Me and my ex split up before my son was born, I am registered on his birth certificate but my ex won’t allowed me take him to my home where his grandma and grandpa live. I’m not allowed to have him over night. Every time I look after him she texts me the same day having ago at me. She is not saying that she wants me to go to a contact centre. But what are my rights as a father to see my son and take him to my family home. He is 2 years old and hasn’t met any of my family. Any advise would be great?
SeparatedDads Editor 26 Sep 2017
If the mother of your child wishes to leave the country with your child and you have parental responsibility (which you do), then she has to request your consent. If you refuse, then she would have to ask the courts for permission. If she requests permission from the courts, then, as in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
Tireddad02 25 Sep 2017
My baby was born in the uk and has a uk passport. I am a uk citizen but my partner is a eu citizen living in the uk. What rights do I have if she splits and can she take the baby to love in the eu without my say so. I am the father on the birth certificate.
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Sep 2017
Any changes to a contact order must be agreed by both parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. If they wish to do so, they will need to refer the matter back to the courts. If you pick your son up on the Tuesday without authorisation from your ex, then you will be in breach of the court order.
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Sep 2017
Unless the court specifies that you alone are to have your child, then if you have parental responsibility you can make a decision based upon what you think is best for your child. However, if your ex disagrees with this matter, then it gives her grounds to breach the court order. In which case you would have to refer the matter back to the court for the court to decide.
MRR 24 Sep 2017
I have a court order in place where I see my son every Wednesday night and Thursday till 8:30pm. I also have him alternate weekends Friday-Sunday. He has asked for me to pick him up on a Tuesday as school finishes early. I have emailed his mother who has refused me picking him up as it's "not my day". He is 12 ,can I pick him up outside the court order times without my ex wife's permission??
Joe 24 Sep 2017
If I have a court order to have my son overnight once a week am I allowed to let my child stay at my parents on occasion? Or is this breaching the order?
Rosie 23 Sep 2017
Hi I have two boys that live with there mother we have recently split up and she has kicked me out of the family home for nine years everytime I ask her if I can have the kids shebkeeps making excuses of why I cant have them I do have parental right iam concern about there well being has there mother doesn't do anything for them it was me it breaking me in half not seeing them I dont know what to
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Sep 2017
If a mediation agreement has been dropped, you would then have the option to apply to court. You might wish to ask a solicitor to write a letter stating that as she has reneged on the agreement, you will take the matter to court. If you take the matter to court, it takes the final say out of your ex's hands and puts the final say into the hands of a judge. The courts do want fathers to have access to their children and will do all it can, where it can to make this possible. If there is no justifiable reason why access should be stopped, then the court will issue a contact order, which comes with a warning and means if your ex doesn't keep to it, she will be in contempt of court. Hopefully, a solicitor's letter will do the trick to make sure that your access is regained and any agreement is kept to.
PJ 21 Sep 2017
Hi, I see my 3 children for one night every fortnight. This week my wife and I agreed at mediation that I could have the children for an evening a week, but she's now changed that. She agrees that I have parental responsibility, but says that she has final say on access. Is this correct? She states that I have no legal right to access. Please help
Helpus1993 20 Sep 2017
Hi my partner has a contact order to see his daughter once every two weeks which was set up in court last year however his ex has rung social services stating that her daughter has said she has witnessed my partner being physically violent towards me , however this is untrue. Social services have said that this has to be dont through court is this right? Surely it cant be as anytime his ex just wants to accuse my partner of something she can. Social services have told me that due to it being an issue between contact as social have apparently advised my partners ex to not allow my partner access. As far as im aware noone has taken a statement off his daughter who is 3 and a half, me or my partner? Is this correct and each time she makes an accusation will this have to always be done through court each time as it hardly seems fair that his ex can make lies up and my partner has to pay each time she does by not being allowed to see his daughter? Any advice on this and the routes to take?
Lou 19 Sep 2017
Hi My partner is divorced and has decided to send his youngest to nursery on the days he is in my partners care. Does he need to get consent from his mother to do this? Dad is in the birth certificate so has parental responsibility.
SeparatedDads Editor 11 Sep 2017
You must get the permission of everyone with parental responsibility for a child or from a court before taking the child abroad
Alex 9 Sep 2017
Hi there. My girlfriend wants to take her little girl to Disneyland for Nye. She's now told the girls father and asked him for the permission to do so on a authority form. He's declining to do so. He has little contact with her and occasional visits with her. None of which are more than a hour alone with her. She's 4 years old. They as a couple weren't ever together since birth. My question is tbh...Can he stop her/us from taking the little one to Paris? Thank you.
Nat09 8 Sep 2017
My partners has been trying to take his ex to mediation due to her being unreasonable and unable to care properly for their 1 year old. Last week an incident happened whereby she trapped their child in a car door so my partner took the child and called the police. The police did not follow it up but advised to keep the child in our care and get a solicitor which we have done but the ex has now filed for an emergency court hearing stating that she has done nothing wrong and it was my partner that was aggressive infront of the child. We have spoken to a solicitor who has said the child will be handed back to her mum. How can we prevent this from happening again and will the court listen to us or will he be given the one day per week access to his child that his ex is now proposing?
Partnerofaseperatedd 7 Sep 2017
Hi. Need some help and advice. My partners ex has stopped him from seeing his son, when his son was born in 2015 and when they first went home she split up with him and kicked him out the house ever since then theres been trouble. But he was able to see his son regularly. But in January 2017 her daughters school involved social services due to a bruise on the girls head being said to of been caused by my partners ex so her children were taken off her for 2 weeks. And he had his son for 2 weeks. But since she was allowed the kids back, she has stopped my partner on so many occassions from having his son. Now hes not seen his son for around 6 weeks, due to many different excuses from either shes taken them away, his friends have been rpund treathening, or shes scared of my partner (who wouldnt hurt a fly), accused him of abuse, said she doesnt want her son around his family (who absolutely adore his son). But social services are allowig this to happen. But this is all so frustating and we just dont know what to do. It was due in court on the 7th sept 2017 but again she had am excuse and postponed it. HELP!
Marky 7 Sep 2017
I want to take my son of 11 away to a motocross weekend to watch the world champions, as he does it, at first my ex agreed but has changed her mind since the reason being people will be drinking, can she do this ? So is she saying my lad cant go anywhere where people consume alcohol and surely the same rule must apply to her if this is the case?however i think its a personal reason as she found out i am buying a new place with my new partner
Huggybear 7 Sep 2017
I left my partner of my son in 2013, he's now coming up to his 6th birthday. I have a new partner and I recently introduced my son to her son as a play date just to see how they got on, nothing more nothing less. This upset my ex and she's now cancelled all contact with my son, my ex has blocked my number and isn't replying to any messages I send. I wonder what to do next?
Mike 4 Sep 2017
I have recently split from my daughters mother (1.5 months). We shared a council property in her name which I paid for as she hasn't worked for 2 years. I have had to move 50 miles back to my parents as I can't afford rental properties on my own in London. My ex partner has let me see my daughter (13 months) every weekend so far but has said today that I will no longer be allowed for my daughter to stay as she says I break her routines spending all the time I can with her. Playing and when I settle her to sleep for her afternoon naps I just lay beside her. I just love the moment she wakes and see's her dad beside her. She gives me amazing smiles everytime. I really need advice going forward. I have bought everything in the flat from furniture to domestic appliances and everything for my daughter since before she was born. Please help
Nicc01 3 Sep 2017
My partner has had his children living with him for just over 2 years, most of their time is spent here with us however since their mom has stopped working they spend 3 nights a week at her house. She now has a new baby and is moving into a flat and has told him that she's taking the kids back and he has no say in this. Because we have a child together he has had to go back to work and it's me who takes the kids to school and picks them up she is saying that if he takes her to court she will win and he will get every other weekend like 'all the other dads'. She is also trying to use the fact that the kids living with him was supposed to be temporary however to me 2 years isn't temporary, they are used to living here and spending the majority of their time at ours. Now she is trying to tell their school that they live with her and I'm not too sure how to get around that. What I'm trying to find out is if my partner has a chance against her in court as she has told him he hasn't and that she will give him minimal time with them. Any advice would be great, thanks.
lamb 3 Sep 2017
i was with my childs mother until she was 10 then she moved to england my name is on the birth certificate before dec 01/03 since leaving my visits are less each time this year i had to wait 7 months july from xmas before i really dont know what to do as this xmas she is coming up with her gran to seee her uncle my exes brother and am told that although the mum wont be up in scotland the gran is calling the shots legally what is my position or control of the time she is up i have no criminal records or restrictions i have danced to her tune to much and before i take her away for the time up to a hotel am i breaking any laws any advice would be greatful
Chris 1 Sep 2017
I am living with my partner we have a 15 month old boy together. She has been suffering from depression and anxiety over the last few months. Shes decided she wants to move 6 hours away with our son. Away from both grandparents and other friends and family. Do i have any chance in getting her to stay in the area? Do i have any chance of getting my son to live with me?
Matt 31 Aug 2017
I split from my ex over a year ago . I have my kids after work tuesdays thursday and over night saturday till sunday. Me and my new partner have a new born of 7weeks .my ex will not allow my kids around her . I have my own place where i have to take my kids wen its my days with them . I i jus want to start a new family home where my kids come and stay with my partner and there new sister . What do i do ?
Jj 29 Aug 2017
I have been separated from my wife since January, and I have a girlfriend now that I've known since highschool. Her and my wife used to be friends but no longer are. I was finally allowed to see my kids after 2 months so I picked them up and took them to my girlfriends house. My soon to be exwife flips out and cusses me out for taking them over there. Then calls child services and makes false accusations against my girlfriend for improper child supervision. There is no custody agreement or court order for custody so can she legally tell me where I can take my kids?
Chris 28 Aug 2017
Hi there i split up with my partner(not married) 2 years ago, it wasnt a pretty break up she was cheating on me and living with me and when i found out my world fell apart. We lived together until until one day i came home and she had moved all her stuff out along with taking our daughter with her. I was forced to sell our house by her so have had to move back in with my mother. I have never done anything to hurt either of them but she broke my heart that day. She would only ever let me have her one night a week and a few times i managed to keep her all weekend, but it seemed like i was only allowed to keep her when she had other plans. For the past 2 months she wont let me take her at all. Can you give me any advice on what i can do now and also if i have any rights to see my daughter. My daughter wants to see me and misses me(she has told my friends daughter) as i do her she is my world. I am also paying child maintenance to her which of course i am legally obligated to do. Any help/advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated
Si 22 Aug 2017
I have two children with my ex wife. We split up 7 years ago. I later found out that she was having an affair. She had custody of the children. She has been with and recently split from a boyfriend. 3 months ago she asked me to have my daughter permanently which I agreed. She did not get on with the boyfriend. I obviously wanted my son as well but she wanted to to keep him. She has recently been seeing another man behind her boyfriends back. They have split up, she accused him of rape. This was thrown out. The two men have been fighting. I dl not want my lad in this environment and want him to live with me and my daughter permanently. Please can you give me some advice on how to proceed? Thank you
Chinwe Ezeigwe 15 Aug 2017
My ex is a non British citizen.... And am currently pregnant with his first child. He dumped me 2 months ago for an older woman. He hasn't been to any of the hospital appointments and scans... But he demands I give the baby his name. He does not call to see how things are going and if I call he makes sure to remind me he's with someone else and says if I don't give the baby his surname I should not get him involved... My question is, is there anyway I can make him pay for child support and does he have any responsibility towards the baby when he's born..?
Bob 14 Aug 2017
Hi My daughter was born here in the uk. My girlfruend is Hungarian and we are not on solid ground. She wants to get my daughter a Hungarian passport, can she do this without my involvement? My name is on the birth certificate. Does she need my permission to take my daughter on holiday too? Basically, i am worried that she will take my daughter away.
Zoleen 14 Aug 2017
I'm with my baby's dad but we don't live together should he still pay some sort of maintenance or not?
FuBaRwales 11 Aug 2017
We'll its a complicated case of having a child with a EU national, the relationship was volatile and she drank alot, I found out she was pregnant while separate and I committed myself from the start even relocating to be there for my son, I see him near enough everyday, I pay his nursery I contribute paying for there shopping and even help her, however shea starting now to take the piss, she recently left the country on holiday for 3 weeks on return i found out she had my son christened without my consent or without a discussion, she has also stated that she wants to move back home and she's threatened to take my son aswell as telling me she will be getting him a EU passport and she would move on again, she seems to think that she can do what she wants and im literally at the end of what I can take, I have been a twice a week dad and I can not / will not go back to that. Morally I have done the right thing as a man and I won't have my son used as a weapon against me. What are my options what can I do.
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Aug 2017
Your only option is to challenge the move via the courts via a Specific Issue or Prohibited Steps Order (if you think your ex may move without your consent). A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent (if you have parental responsibility). This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. We have all heard the stories of a parent taking their child for the weekend and not returning them and it becoming extremely difficult for the other parent to get their child back. Thankfully, this is one of the scenarios that a PSO seeks to prevent. Likewise, Specific Issue Orders are orders sought from the family court to determine a particular matter in connection with the exercise of parental responsibility. These orders can cover a wide range of issues that you and your ex-partner cannot agree on, such as the other parent wanting to take a child to live out of the area on a permanent basis. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Schooling, family and the child's ties to the area and family will be weighed up against the other parent's reasons for wanting to move away. Mediation should be considered in the first instance, as a way trying to reach a compromise. However, if there is no compromise to be made, then court is the only option.
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Aug 2017
Regardless of whether you left the relationship or not, a court will not make judgements on you regarding this. If you wish to see your children and your wife is preventing this, then mediation should be the first option and if your ex refuses, you would have the option to apply to court. If you cannot locate your wife or your children, then you can apply to court for a contact order and also fill in a C4 form. This is an application an order for disclosure of a child’s whereabouts. This will allow the courts to put a trace on your children in order to allow you to bring the matter to court. You should not worry that you do not have any rights, you do. The court does want non-resident parents to have a relationship with their children and will do all it can to make this happen, where it can. If your ex has only recently stopped access, then you would need to take the matter further asap.
Bubs 8 Aug 2017
My partner is looking to move to Cornwall and take my daughter , This is 4 hrs away ,my daughter stays with me every other week ,so week with week with out, She is 7 , I have her at least 2 thirds of any year , she does not want to go , and wants to be with me and my new partner , who she adores , she says mum drinks and is always fighting with her new partner , I have always paid maintenance never missed one, Can some please advise me
Jono 8 Aug 2017
Hi, I'm looking for some advice. 2 years ago I split with my ex wife, we have two children together, My son being 5 and daughter being almost 2. Unfortunately my ex wife took the break up very badly. Because of me leaving our marriage she won't allow me to see my children and i haven't been able to form a bond with my daughter. My ex wife has told me that she tells my children that 'daddy no longer loves them because daddy left'. I constantly get disturbing messages from my ex wife and she constantly moves house so that I can't find her. I've tried as much as I can before I have to get the courts involved but I'm worried that I don't have any rights. I just want to see my children.
SeparatedDads Editor 31 Jul 2017
If you cannot agree between yourself and your children's father, then the matter can be referred to court for the court to decide. The court will always make its decision based upon what it determines to be in their best interests. However, it will also take into account the logistics of getting the children too and from school.
SeparatedDads Editor 31 Jul 2017
If your partner and his ex cannot agree to arrangements via mediation, or if your husband refuses to attend, his ex will have the option to take the matter to court. The court is not there to judge the parent's actions in situations such as this, it's main objective to make a decision based upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your partner's children. If your partner can justify his reasons why he cannot jump to his ex'd demands, then the court will take this on board. If he has written confirmation from his employer this will help. Once a court order is in place both parents will have to keep to it, unless they agree otherwise.
Abdullah 30 Jul 2017
Hello my name is Abdullah and I have one son. me and my partner split up just over two years ago and I have been trying to get access to my son and she will not allow me access. We have gone through 5 dispute resolution hearings including what was meant to be a final hearing, Now it has been escalated to a district judge and my child has been assigned a Cafcass officer as his legal guardian and has his own solicitor paid for by the public fund, during this I have only had one session of supervised contact I was meant to have more regular interim access however the mother has objected to this all the way through. The judge has asked all three of us to have psychological assessments to see how our son interacts with both parents and why the mother is reluctant to allow me to have access and she keeps insisting for me to have a psychiatrist assessment although I have already had one and the expert cleared me of any mental health. And the mother keeps trying to adjourn the case I have a wife and we have a child on the way, I am financially exhausted and at my wits end and don't know what to do has anyone else been in a similar situation please advise on what I can do as I cannot get legal representation as I am still paying off my last solicitors off. I would be extremely grateful of any input from anyone. Many Thanks.
Naz 28 Jul 2017
Hi, I want to ask a question.I have divorced and 2 children living with me and me and my ex are following the court order which is relating to our children.My children's school closed permanently it was a private school and dad is paying fee.But now problem is that he wants to enroll the children in a private school and it is far away from my home it takes 1hr drive to go there abs report of that school is also not good that's why I want to enroll them in other private and religious school but dad is not agree.He wants to go to the court. As a mother can you please tell me my rights? Thanks
Monkey_Girl 28 Jul 2017
Hello. My partner's ex-wife is demanding he tell her what annual leave he has booked from work and what and when he plans to do with their 2 daughters over the school holidays. does he have to tell her what days he has annual leave and does he have to tell her what he plans to do with them? Also, he has them every weekend and has asked for every other weekend and a couple of days in the week. My partner started mediation to discuss this arrangement but his ex wife has said if he does not make an appointment next week, in a different county (at east an hours drive from home) she will escalate it to court. He is unable to get annual leave at such short notice (and has a letter from his employer stating this has been refused) so has had no option but to decline this appointment. She has said that if he wants to see them every other weekend then he will only see them every other weekend. He wants to go to court and get a contact order for every other weekend and a couple of days in the week but he's not sure if this makes him look bad. His reason is he works every other weekend and is in a band so quite often the children will stay with grandparents and he misses out. His ex is insisting on a 3 and 4 night share. She has them 4 nights, he has them 3 nights. He wants the childcare arrangements more fair but she is refusing. Does he have any rights?
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Jul 2017
As we are a UK-based website, we have knowledge of only UK-based law. Therefore, you would have to seek professional legal advice in the US. However, please be aware that if you keep your children without mutual consent of the other parent it can lead to a deep distrust and/or your ex withdrawing access if the police return your children. You should always consider any action such as this long term and what the repercussions could be. Mutual discussion and agreement is always best over issues such as this.
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Jul 2017
Your ex has to ask for your consent if he wishes to take your/his child out of the country, If you are fearful of your ex taking your child out of the country without your consent, you can apply to court for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. We have all heard the stories of a parent taking their child for the weekend and not returning them or going abroad with them and it becoming extremely difficult for the other parent to get their child back. Thankfully, this is one of the scenarios that a PSO seeks to prevent. I hope this helps answer your question.
Brett 26 Jul 2017
Hello my question is my rights as a father being that me an the mother are still married but separated for 4yrs now and have 2 children . An there is no custody agreement w courts, just between me and the mother.. I live in Florida she lives in Tennessee and kids live with her but I get them every summer and christmas.. and this summer the mom has numerous cps cases and is under investigation as we speak and I dont feel comfortable taking them back home. What are my rights as to keeping them here with me . Even the cps officer told me to find out the rights before I take them because she was concerned herself... so my question is if there is no custody through the courts an she is under investigation w child safety can I keep them with me or can I get in trouble with the law an courts.. I need to know for there safety before I take them home. Thanks
Si 26 Jul 2017
Hi, my partner has decided to split up with me and we have 2 children, 3 & 1 yo. We are not married. She is blaming this on emotional abuse, however I feel as though this is not as clear cut. Since both our chrildren were born I have worked and worked and within 3 years have managed to obtain 60% equity within our home. I made a conscious decision to work this hard so that later on life would be easier. During this period also I have been carrying out a degree that I have been doing 1 day a week and also in evenings. I have worked most saturdays and after we have dealt with the kids making tea, dishes, tidying, bath, bed etc then I have carried on with my coursework. I accept that times have been incredibly difficult and strains put on the relationship but I do not feel as though I was emotionally abusive. Anyhow since our split the course has ended and work slowed. I have been able to drop a day on Friday to have the kids and would really like to drop another day for Thursday. This is doable as I am a self employed electrician. I also have the ability to produce 50k to buy out my partner from the house. So from my perspective I have the means to provide on all levels. My ex is happy for me to be with my children whereby she has them mon/tues/wed, myself to have them on Thur/fri then we alternate wknds. This seems fair. I would like then for a complete 50/50 split, but I understand they need stability. The problem we are having is that she is suggesting that is morally wrong of me not to move out of home to leave her the house for her and the kids to live in, suggesting that I pay half the mortgage and pay no maintenance and look at it as an investment. Morally wrong as the kids should have a stable and secure furure in a home they recognise. My answer to this is that I too when I have them will also want to ensure they are safe and swcure within a home they recognise. I have the ability to remove her name and secure the house for just me and the children, if I were to move out I would have to pay rent, half a mortgage, half the childcare costs, before I could look after myself. I would no longer be a rock for the children. Morally for me I do not fancy the thought of her living in this house with another man when the time comes, and playing happy family in a home I would not only be paying for but worked so hard to create, while I struggle to make ends meat. I would like some suggeations as to how I should approach this situation. Thank you for reading this.
TrueColours 26 Jul 2017
Hi don't know were to start.Got married for the 2nd time.Been married for a year and separated for two years result of the incident that frethened my older daughter (from 1st marriage)safety,i got a police incident number.Its not point for us to stay married and want to apply to divorce but i do not know what grounds to use as i have a 1 year old child with him and he wants access to take her out a country,and am dead worried to leave her alone with him under any circumstances.
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Jul 2017
Any changes to a contact order must be agreed by both parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. Unfortunately, if you wish to change the terms of the order you would have to refer it back to court.
Sam 19 Jul 2017
Hi. Is it possible to change a court order without having to go back to court. My days off at work have change due to a promotion and my ex partner is beem stubborn.
Thomas Editor 13 Jul 2017
@Rdavies - you would certainly be considered the primary carer of your son. Yes, your ex would have to request your permission as both parents with parental responsibility would need to give permission. You may be entitled to claim child maintenance from your ex, if she is eligible to pay.
dazza 12 Jul 2017
Hi well I've been separated for 1 year my son is 3year old what's happened is I have met my new partner and now I'm being denied acsses to my son but she keeps texting me saying she cant cope I'm allways there for my son and we are close and she is still trying to control me and I'm confused I just need pointing in the right direction to get accsess to my son my dad wasn't there for me I wont do the same to my son please any help will be appreciated thanks in advance
Rdavies 11 Jul 2017
Hi me and my ex spit up 4 years ago after having 2 kids and we are both in new relationships we both have an agreement between us both that we both have the kids 7 on and 7 off each so it's equal share she claims benifits for both and I pay csa and buy school shoes ect this year she is saying I can claim the c/b and ctc for our eldest I was wondering g if I claim these will that mean that I'll have the main parental responsibilities of my eldest as we are both on the birth certificate by that I mean will that mean she has to ask my permission to take my eldest on holiday and I could claim csa from her
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Jul 2017
You can see more via the link here which should help answer your question. If you have parental reponsibility, by law your ex cannot change your daughter's name by Deed Poll without your consent. However, she can change it unofficially. Your only recourse here would be to apply to court and there is no guarantee the court would rule in your favour, as it would decide upon what it thinks is in your daughter's best interests. If her other two siblings have your ex's husband's name, it is likely the court would opt for family uniformity.
Paul 8 Jul 2017
Hi, I split up with my girlfriend after the birth of our little girl I have financially supported my daughter and had her every weekend, not once have I ever missed her. My daughter stayed over every weekend with her older brother who her mum had to a previous relationship. My ex then got a new new boyfriend when my daughter was 2 years old and I stopped seeing her son. She moved this man in very quick, got married and had a baby all in the space of 2 years! My daughter is now 5 years old and is at primary school in her first year. I recently went to parents evening and her name was changed to her mums new husbands surname. How do I get the school to use the name on her birth certificate? Can I ring the passport office or town house to find out if her mum has changed her name legally without my consent?
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Jul 2017
I'm afraid we cannot specify when you may hear back as we have no knowledge of the administrative procedures of the Child Benefit Office etc. You would have to approach each organisation directly to find out.
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Jul 2017
It is highly unlikely he would be granted shared care of your child, firstly because he lives three hours away, secondly because he only has limited contact. The courts will always opt for what is in the best interests of your child and consistency and stability are most important.
Garry 6 Jul 2017
Hi, we have four children and I have had 2 of then living with me four six months and I have applied for child benefit which she is getting plus my sons care allowance is haven't heard nothing from then for 6 weeks only sent there birth certificates back how long dose this take it have asked about helping me with the money she gets her answer she is buying there cloths which is rubbish, she has then registered at her address i have just changed there doctors ect school to my address can she appeal it's disgusting I just want some more advice.
Haz 6 Jul 2017
Hi I was just wondering g where I stand with a real difficult situation. I got pregnant and my boyfriend of 7 years left me when I was only 5 months pregnant I never seen or heard from him until I was in hospital about to give birth. I have allowed him to see the child every other wkend but he lives 3 hours away from me so I have said the child cannot travel that far at such a young age. He was not out on the birth certificate as he was threatening to take her and I wouldn't hear nothing from him. Now he wants on the birth certificate and keeps saying how is going to apply for half custody. I mean does he stand a chance
JT+ Editor 30 Jun 2017
@RAN - go into your nearest police station and speak to the police. They can escort you to pick up your stuff. Joe.
Sam 28 Jun 2017
I split with my girlfriend last year and have a 2 year old daughter whom I regularly see. I want to take my daughter on a weeks holiday to Greece but my ex won't let me even though she has taken her on holiday twice, albeit in the U.K. She says a week is too long for her to be away from her mother. What rights do I have as her father?
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Jun 2017
You would have to suggest mediation to your ex and try to resolve the matter between you both mutually. If your ex refuses to attend mediation then you would have to apply to court. If it does go to court, the court will consider the extent of the problem and where you are with it now. If you are compliant and agree to any suggestions of monitoring etc then this will help. However, I suggest you seek some legal advice in order to fully explore your options.
RAN 26 Jun 2017
QUESTION, my wife and i have recentlysplit up and she wont really let me see my lad who is 5, or isnt being cooperative, i know she is poisioning his mind , but my question is even though i have got the solicitors involved, can i go to the house with the police, to pick up some of my things do i need to tell her.. please, its starting to look like she is not the woman i married , talk about warped....
Raj 26 Jun 2017
My wife and split up 2 years ago we had an informal agreement that the children would live with her Iv always paid maintenance. However when I went to the address I found that the property was empty. I contacted the school who informed me that my ex had left a VM saying she had left and was moving away. I called the LEA who said that no active transfer was on their system! How do I go about locating my children! Im lost help!!!
steve 26 Jun 2017
Ive been separated from my wife for nearly 2 years , she left due to me drinking heavily and becoming hard work to live with , i also had been struggling with stress at work and with hindsight i dont blame her for leaving . Despite having counselling for alcohol and stress , ive lived on my own in that time , never drunk any alcohol in front of my kids or her , ive offered to use breathalysers , she has never allowed me to have the children overnight as she says she cant trust me . Social services have never been involved and never meeded to be . I understand why she left and her initial concerns but despite my efforts to prove myself she seems to have a belief that they are her kids and that i am still likely to be a danger to them , where do i stand on this one , i feel i have been patient on this one , i'm not a teetotal but after the counselling and reassessing my life i feel she is being unreasonable
Shelley 26 Jun 2017
Same question as Darren but what if them children he on about and one them kids under a London hospital and due a operations and Darren just goes away and the mother don't know he even out of the country or if its when there child's operation is a Darren ain't bothered Can that consent neglect loss his rights
SeparatedDads Editor 26 Jun 2017
If your children are not in your care, then unless you have a court order which specifies you should have your children on specific days and you will not be around to have your children on those days. Or, there will be a break in your usual access arrangements, then you do not have to inform your ex you are going away.
rob 25 Jun 2017
out of the blue , my wife seen the headmistress of our childs school, when i went there i was confronted by two police ladies, who told me that my wife did not wish to see me, and it was her wish forme to get some clothes out of the house, post the keys through the door and never return or i would be facing some sort of order, i did not see this coming at all, i was very upset, i still dont know after 5 days why this happened, but now there are panic buttons all throuout the house, and this week end i was supposed to go with my 5 year old on a camping trip, she has been making false allogations about me to the school and others i believe, we have been happily married for 11 years, and this is all news to me, i have never done anything at all to hurt or well anything, anyway after speaking to her last husband, he told me that shedid the same thing to him but also accused him of interfearing with the kids, what happens if she makes the same allogations about me. this whole episode has broken me already as i have only been allowed to see my lad best friend for one hour each day with somebody present.
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Jun 2017
Social Services will carry out an assessment which will determine where and with whom your children should live. It will take your previous criminal history into consideration as any residency order will have the children's best interests at heat. You may wish to seek some legal advice.
darren 23 Jun 2017
Do I have to inform my children's mother who is main career when I go on holiday or not in the country even when my children are not in my care. Thanks
Tom 21 Jun 2017
My partner who is the mother of my child, and with another on the way is in the process of a messy divorce with her ex husband. Between them they have children, and this man wants full custody of his children and has been using dirty tactics. Child services have been involved and in one weeks time we will be told the outcome of the care order. We have been informed that my partner (mother of all children) is likely to loose her children and they will be put in care. Having found a lot of criminal history belonging to the husband, he will not likely gain custody ether, and has been told that the results will likely be the same for him. Where as a father to one, and another on the way does all of this leave me? I want my children home with me and not in care. I do not live with my partner (mother to my children) but that is a recent thing due to their care order. The husband used my criminal record of domestic abuse against my partner. I'm not attempting to justify my actions, I did wrong, but this was an incident in the past. One of the rules of their care order is that my partner was to keep their children away from me, so to help matters I thought best that I moved out until the case was dealt with and closed. Do I have a leg to stand on? Or are they likely to stop me before I speak the word 'custody'? As it is, my children are likely to be taken into care next week and there seems to be nothing that I can do about this dispite me being the paternal father of one and soon to be another, and yes, I'm noted on his birth certificate. I feel totally helpless, I should be protecting my children, but am being prevented from doing so due to their custody hearing mess
Jay 21 Jun 2017
Hi I've been split from my wife of 17 yrs since xmas as she was cheating, I have said to her I would like to take the kids away for 10days uk holiday she said I can do 7 only is this right? I have no issue her taking them away, I see the kids every weekend and sleep in the marital house at weekends with them as she goes off to her new fellas I also see them every night after work but I sleep at my parents as I don't have my own place yet, I pay her £150 weekly plus kids school lunches plus there phones,virgin tv and wifi I also pay for them at weekends because I try and take them out every week she doesn't really take them out as due to her mental health issues she says that it's too much for her, Thanks Jay
Jay 20 Jun 2017
I have split with my Partner who I been with for 6 six years and I want to have them every week end, I work through the week in the night so I sleep the the day and won't see them at all really. Only time I get will be Friday till Sunday am entitled to every week end ?
Supermalc 19 Jun 2017
Hi there...im a separated father for 2 and half years now and if had my son every weekend since the split I originally wanted him every weekend all weekend,but his mother said no,as she needed quality time at the weekend too..to which I reluctantly agreed too(I have him every Friday,then take him home alternate week's,till Saturday 6pm,then Sunday 4pm) Now as he's starting school in September,she's now asking (demanding)that I give up a weekend once a month as she won't see him as much once he starts Iv sent an email to her detailing every minute/hour we are both with him including hours asleep getting ready for school etc,and she gets 40hrs per month actual quality time with him more than i do She doesn't believe that going out to soft play with friends,going to see family members constitutes as quality time,as well as reading etc on the evenings once he's at school...and doesn't realised how blessed she is to be able to getting him ready for school,and kiss him goodnight EVERY night All the above I have to squeeze into a short amount of time every weekend as well as trying to have 1 on 1 time As she works Wednesday and Fridays once the half term holidays etc start..i will be the one taking time off to take care of him,understanding that she has to work to provide..but the flip side is I will never get the opportunity to have a week or 2 off myself to take my boy on holiday..where she has done it twice already! Iv been flexible on many occasions when asked to bring him home earlier or later to suit her social calender(ironic that the Sunday she tried telling me that this is what she wants to do,I get a text asking to bring him home 2hrs later so she can go out for lunch with her mom) I would do anything for my boy,but being called unreasonable for not agreeing to these demands,when the bottom line is she cannot organise her time to prioritise her son without taking away my already small time with him,got my back up...iv every right to want more time myself,but because I understand her situation I don't.. Am I in the wrong to say no
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Jun 2017
It is highly unlikely your ex has been able to change your children's names by Deed Poll unless you gave written consent. Your ex may be able to change your children's names 'unofficially' i.e by using a new name in school and/or via her GP, but their names on passports and other official documentation would remain in your surname.
Buster 15 Jun 2017
ex and I have now split after 8years. We do not talk as she has an injunction on me due to domestics. I am not allowed to talk to her however I have two children with her. Is she allowed to change their surname without my permission I have not seen them for 6 weeks now but she has been able to change their name by deed poll to her dads family name. I am named on both their birth certificates
Noori 7 Jun 2017
Hi I just need to no what rights do dads have that live aboard when their child is in the UK with the mother (as both were married but now divorced) and the mother refuses to let the child have any contact with the father via phone Skype etc the father has contacted the child's school to see if they could speak to the mother but all he got was an abusive text message as he is not in the UK how could he get any communication from his son please help as I'm trying to help my friend have a relationship with his son
Chris 3 Jun 2017
I'm separated from my wife and she is going on holiday whilst leaving my 13 year old daughter to be looking after by her cousin without telling me and threatening her not to tell me during school time,I'm her next of kin her school contact number if any thing happens! What are my rights
Chrisi 3 Jun 2017
I'm separated from my wife she is going on holiday with her friends and is leaving my daughter with one of her family during school with out her telling me and threatening my daughter to not tell me and I'm her next of kin I'm her contact no for her school and just want to no what my rights are
Turtle 1 Jun 2017
Hi my and the my ex partner have two children, I am trying to get the house sold as I can no longer afford the mortage and it's stopping me from being able to rent somewhere for my self and when I have the children. I have offered her half the money sale of the house but she won't except it my solicitor is telling me the only way I can sell the house is by taking her to court the house and mortage is my sole name but she lives there with my children with her boyfriend staying over
TopD 30 May 2017
Recently split with my partner of 13 years, I'm unsure as to what my rights are as a father. She's reeling off a list of demands, some financial and regarding my time with the children. I like to know where I stand before accepting or declining some of her requests
Confused 28 May 2017
My disabled son has not seen his father for 8 months because of our relationship breakdown my son loves his dad n his dad lives him too problem is we have no contact with each other as we parted on bad terms how can I arrange for them to.see each other without going to court
Dolly 26 May 2017
Hi my ex keeps threating me that she is going to sell her house and move away with kids and not tell me where she's going so I lose contact with kids my kids ages are 7,12 and 14 any advice would be good thanks Shane
SeparatedDads Editor 26 May 2017
In the first instance you would have to apply for parental responsibility of your child through the courts (if your ex refuses to grant this - you can ask her directly). If you’re a father who wants parental responsibility and the mother agrees, you can fill in a parental responsibility agreement - If you are not registered as the father, then you currently have no legal rights so have no recourse to question or challenge any official decisions made on your child's behalf. If you have not had much contact with your son, it may be the social services will look for a kinship order. Close relatives (those that have had day-to-day dealings with your son - such as grandparents) can the preferred resource for children who are removed from their birth parents because it maintains the children's connections with their families. I suggest you seek legal advice - plus I hope this helps.
Shaw 25 May 2017
I have just found out that I am the biological father to a baby I have with my ex I am now married to someone else. I am in the army so I am limited to the time I get to get home and see him, I have tried to speak to the social worker for my ex and she seems to be taking sides with my ex and dosent care the fact I only get weekends, I also want to put down the full custody for my son as his mum(my ex) has been deemed by the legal authorities and the court that she is mental/emotionally not able to look after him, as me being the biological father now and the social worker saying I can't see him and only give me 1 date in the mext month when I can, what rights do I have under this? I am not on the birth cirtificate or named father on their either. I am about to get a house through the army I have a stable job and want to put forward for full custody of my son with my wife as his legal guardian what chance have I got to get this? Knowing the court and legal authorities have said his mum os not fit to look after him. Thanks
lan 25 May 2017
I am the biological father of my 3 children(age: 15 a boy, 14 a boy and girl 12) thier mother lift them when my youngest is just 7 year old and due to fenancial problem i myself force to work abroad so my parent's is the one who take care of them... my problem is this... school vacation come my mother inlaw ask for visit of the kids so with all the respect my mother send my kids in their house... all i know is just for the vacation but all of the saddent my mother-inlaw called me and asking all of my children to be with them and she said whether i like it or not they will get my children... i am furious of my in-laws how could they do this to me and to my family... now i am asking for guidance i want to file a case to my in-laws...
SeparatedDads Editor 25 May 2017
We can't specify whether he will be given parental responsibility. As a rule, non-resident parents are usually awarded PR. However, this doesn't mean he will be awarded access. PR and access do not go hand-in-hand. Neither does child maintenance and access. As the father of your children, he is deemed financially repsonsible for your children regardless of whether he sees them or not. With regards to access, the court will always decide whether it thinks access is in your children's best interests and it is certainly not based on the payment of child maintenance. If your ex has been in prison and not had much contact with your children, then it is highly unlikely the court would award unsupervised access. Likewise, as your elder child is 13, he/she will be able to voice a preference regarding whether she wishes to see him or not. We can't speculate whether contact will be awarded or not - but the fact he has has no contact as his choice, will not lend itself to his case. In addition, mediation would have to be suggested/explored first before he would be allowed to apply to court. Only if you refuse mediation, can he take the court route.
emma78esx 24 May 2017
Hi My Ex has had no contact with my children for 8 years they are aged 8 and 13 (his choice) finially the CMS has found him and a deduction of earnings will be in place soon.He is now saying he wants his rights and wants to be on the birth certificate to get parental responsibility, he has been in prison for abuse to myself and sure he still has a drug and drink problem. I have his him and his girlfriend messaging me saying he's taking me to court for parental responsibility, can he do this or if he can what chance has he got to have this granted, he also has told me that if i dont take money of him for children he wont take me to court (great father) !! Tia makes the good ones look bad
Colin 24 May 2017
Hi'my son just split up with his girlfriend and have a 2yr old son and she is stopping him from seeing his son and can't afford solicitors fee's what can he do
Drew 22 May 2017
My ex partner won't let me see my 2 children one aged 11 male and the other 16 female she wants me to go through court to see my children what should I do.
Kass 16 May 2017
My son is separated from his wife and they have 2 children aged 7 & 5 who live with their mother. Does mum have any right to stop their dad from seeing them without any reason. Regards Jean
SeparatedDads Editor 15 May 2017
When a stepparent adopts their partner’s child it ends the legal relationship between that child and their other natural parent and that wider family network e.g. grandparents and other relatives. However, you would have to obtain written consent from the children's father to allow this
Star 15 May 2017
Hi The biological father of my children (one 14 born before December 2003 and the other 10 born after that date, and he's named on the birth certificate but we were not married) has had no contact with them for 8 years and not seen them for 9 years, I had to get an injunction due to abuse. The court advised him to have supervised visits if he wanted to have contact but he never did and has never paid any maintenance towards them. My husband to be who has brought them both up and financially supported them for the past 8 years wants to adopt the children as his own. What rights does the biological father have over this decision? And does he have any rights for information from the children's schools? I would be very grateful for any advice given.
SeparatedDads Editor 9 May 2017
You can see more via Families Need Fathers Scotland here which should help you further.
Steph 8 May 2017
Hi im recently Separeted and wondering if this page covers Scottish law for separated father was due to be married in July and i am on my Daughters birth certificate apprieciate any advice thank you
Pinky 6 May 2017
Hi I am a mother got a son 6 yrs old got into difficulty with drugs few yrs back ,I gave him to the father for him to look after he has been in 2 relationships since mine his new partner is overusing me I want my son back and have been trying there is nothing in court that he has custody of my son I have him 2 nights a week but when it comes to holidays I don't see him so what can I do
garryd 19 Apr 2017
I have a baby girl born last month and I had a bad visit when she was 2 week old and now my ex won't let me see my daughter. I admit that I shouldn't have panicked but I have learned from it and even said that I would have an experienced parent with me in future but my ex is still stopping me from seeing my daughter. What can I do? I work full time so everything is closed when I finish work and I can't afford the time off. Please help
Kev 14 Apr 2017
Hi, I am hoping you can help me, my ex wife and I separated back in February and I have not seen my daughter since then, can my ex wife stop me seeing my daughter as she currently is at the moment and is being very unreasonable, what I am also wondering is if I have parental responcibility for my daughter as she was born in 2015 and I am on her birth certificate as at the time my ex wife and I was not married. I am asking this as I want to know what say I would be entitled to over my daughter having an operation on my eye, my ex wife is saying that I have no rights to have any say so because she is the main carer and my daughter lives with her, I am saying that I do not want her having the operation but my wife is saying it is not up to me at all. Please can you let me know and inform me of my rights and if I have a say so if my daughter has this operation. Thanks
Bugsy 8 Apr 2017
Hi I have a son with an ex I work five days a week and have him from three o'clock on the Friday till three o'clock on the Sunday and now she's trying to force me to have him longer but I have a job to hold down and I have him 50 plus hours a week and give her x amount of money per week were do I stand? I'm also not on the birth certificate
Mick 6 Apr 2017
Hi advice please, My ex has stopped me having contact with my daughter, we've been fine for ages and I'd have me girl for 3 nights a week sometimes more if she needed me to, but now she has phoned the school told them I'm not allowed to pick her up until I get a court order! I've never been abusive or anything for them to have grounds to do it! I'm seeking legal advice but Carnt see someone till next week! So my question is can she stop me going to school and picking my daughter up on the agreed days that me, my ex and school had an agreement in place?
FighterPilor 2 Apr 2017
Hi like his place a lot. Searched around for the simple answer to this question that so many must ask. What's my rights of access before the mediation / court process? Can she totally stop access? I have a 2 year old, been separated 6 months, I'm living with new partner but maintain a flat in same city as daughter in hope of overnight access. Am only granted 3 hours on sat and sun that's all. No overnight. Introduced daughter gradually to new girlfriend, very stable person, both love each other. Now soon to be ex has found this out, can she stop access? First mediation appointment for me alone arranged next week. Help appreciated.
Wes_lord24 2 Apr 2017
Hi Just looking for advice , I have a 3 year old daughter , haven't been with the mum for a while , but makes it really difficult , I see her every other weekend , asked for more but got a straight no ... I'm planning on going court for more time with her . I was told by the mum that she is seeing someone ( which is fine) but my main concern is what type of person is around my child , would I have a right to know That ? Also I pay maintenance and half the nursery bill , but have been told by the nursery that the mother didn't pay it after I had given the money to do that and that she has taken her off a day would I be entitled to know that ? Instead of coming from the teacher ? And lastly she is taking her away strangely enough planned for my weekend away do I have the right to know where she is going and who with ? Any helps would be appreciated
Fairymum 29 Mar 2017
Hi there I split from my partner of 12 years last May, due to him cheating and moving straight in with the lady he cheated with, we have two children I have never stopped contact and never changed contact arrangements it's been him that's changed them on a few occasions, after his last change I have said that enough for the children's sake and their stability and being able to get in a routine contact is staying at this untill the children are older and fully able to make their own mind up. My children are 11 & 6 my 11 year old boy is very vulnerable and has always been scared of his dad's temper due to domestic violence (unreported though) and due to his vulnerability is very easy to manipulate which his father is trying to do he's trying to turn my boy against me by sending message through him and just trying in general to make me look bad. I don't say anything about the children's father to them as I do truely believe they need to make their own mind up when they are old enough too, since splitting up there have been many issues he's smashed my car up and pinned me up by the throat (reported to the police but I didn't press charges) recently there has been Facebook status' shown to y 11 year old which involved violent content such as wording to the affect of "I'll slit your throat" my boy mentioned this to someone at school who made a referral to the nspcc who then informed social services and the police. I have spoke to social services about this and they advised me that as the parent they live with I have the right to organise supervised contact (obviously if this carried on and their father didn't listen to my concerns) I put the social workers advise to their father and that as their responsible adult I would do what's best for them this result in him coming to my home and making a scene in front of the children and him threatening me in front of the kids, I managed to get him to leave my house and recieved a letter from him saying he has full parental responsibility (I believe it's joint as there is no order in place to say he has full parental responsibiity) and that he will have his kids when ever he sees fit and will not ask y permission to take them on holiday (I don't want him to seek permission just to let me no before hand incase I already have something booked) and his recent letter which I recieved this morning says as he is their father and has full parental responsibility he would like their passports and he has put my daughter name on a waiting list for a club when she is with me on a day he doesn't have contact my question is I don't want to stop my children going on holiday with him but due to his controlling nature I no I will never receive the passports back so can I have him put in place something that says they will be returned to me as the children's primary carer and also just to clarify he cannot dictate to me what I do with the children when it is not his day of contact? Thanks in advance and sorry
SeparatedDads Editor 28 Mar 2017
As you have joint parental responsibility, this should be either negotiated directly with your ex, and if she does not agree you would then be able to approach the matter through mediation, or the last approach would be court. However, regardless of what your children's opinions are, a court will always decide what it thinks is in your children's best interests and moving their home/school location may be considered a big jump. The courts will always opt towards consitency and security. You may wish to take legal advice regarding this matter.
Woody 27 Mar 2017
Hi, it looks like my wife and I are separating anytime soon after 12 years, we have 3 children, all biologically mine, 2 boys and 1 girl, aged 6,8 and 11, I want to know if the children are allowed a choice of who they want to live with, as I will be moving from Scotland back to South Wales.... I have a feeling my two sons, the 8 and 11 year old will want to live with me, is this a possibility? As I think the wife won't want this to happen... Thanks In advance
Jamo 24 Mar 2017
Please would you advise me regarding access, I've a daughter who is approaching 5 years old . Her mother and I unfortunately separated after a 10 year relationship. My ex makes seeing my daughter as hard as possible while also trying to control the little time I do see her. For no reason I see her 24 hrs a week stopping me collecting her from school ETC . My name is on the birth certificate and my daughter carries my surname, I've never missed the agreed maintenance money and provide clothes, holiday spends, swimming lessons and so on. Also last year I moved to property within walking distance from her school!! What would you suggest. Kind regards.
Jamo 24 Mar 2017
Please would you advise me regarding access, I've a daughter who is approaching 5 years old . Her mother and I unfortunately separated after a 10 year relationship. My ex makes seeing my daughter as hard as possible while also trying to control the little time I do see her. For no reason I see her 24 hrs a week stopping me collecting her from school ETC . My name is on the birth certificate and my daughter carries my surname, I've never missed the agreed maintenance money and provide clothes, holiday spends, swimming lessons and so on. Also last year I moved to property within walking distance from her school!! What would you suggest. Kind regards.
Shelma 22 Mar 2017
Me and my ex were together for just under 3 years split just before our daughter turned 2yrs. Since the split 6 months ago he had her once which resulted in a number of concerns about him having her on his own such as her travelling in a personal car with out a car seat and feeding her things that she cant have due to dairy reactions. He is consistently arranging to see her and then cancelling the day before. I am not denying him access or insisting that it is me that supervises but for my daughters sake i feel that it needs to be someone who is aware of how many products contain milk or milk proteins and knows her and will relay any slip ups to me, which he didnt until after she had a reaction and i questioned him. He hasnt seen her for 3 months and this last visit he forgot and is now insisting as her dad he can just pick her up and take her and im breaking the law is this correct because me and others who know the situation dont feel it is.
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Mar 2017
No, if you have parental responsibility you do not have to go through any court process. You may however, wish to draw an agreement up via mediation or through a solicitor in order to define the terms.
seankayz 22 Mar 2017
hello there, i have a son who is 7 yrs old, me and the mother we split up 3 yrs ago.My situation is like this, my son wants to stay with me, the mother does not have a problem with me staying with him full-time. My question is, if the mother does not have a problem with me staying with him full-time, does it still mean that i have to go through the court process?
Jake woods 21 Mar 2017
Bascaly I have a son who lives in Wales my name is not on the birth certificate social are involved it has been ordered that me ex has 22 conditions that she has to stick to but social are still doing adoption paper work what as a father can I do please
Dave 21 Mar 2017
Recently split up sith my ex i still see kids as often as i can however ex wont let me take them to see my mum and has expressed im not welcone to their birthdays
SeparatedDads Editor 21 Mar 2017
If your friend did not wish to take the risk of having a child - he would have had the option to use protection. It is unfortunate that your friend has found himself in this situation if he did not want a child. However, the mother of his child will be able to claim child maintenance from him, if she names him as the father.
Teresa 20 Mar 2017
My friend had a relationship with a woman nd she fell pregnant nd lost it after 8 weeks then she said i want to keep tryin for a baby she fell pregnant but split up with him nd didnt tell him till 8 weeks later via a text. He has no say in anything like going to the scans etc i think this is very unfair for a first time farther nd he has been used to create a life. she has the final say over everything even chasin him for money. Surely he has some rights or is he just a sperm donor now ?
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Mar 2017
If your brother is named on the birth certificate, then by law his partner would have to ask his permission to move from the area, otherwise she could face being brought back if your brother took the matter to court. If your brother does not give consent and his partner still wishes to move from the area, then she would have to apply through the courts. However, if your brother fears she may move without his consent, then his only option is to apply through the courts for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Therefore, your brother may wish to seek legal advice in order to explore his options. I hope this helps.
JJ 19 Mar 2017
Hi, My brother has been with his partner (unmarried) for 7 years. They co-own a house and have 2 children. He wants to separate but his partner is threatening moving the kids away if they do. Does he have any rights to stop that happening? He would let her stay in the house with the kids. He just can't cope with her moving them away. Any advice greatly appreciated Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Mar 2017
If the mother names you as the father of her child, then you are deemed responsible for paying child maintenance to help support your child, until you can prove otherwise. In order to prove you are not the father, you would have to ask the mother to supply a DNA sample
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Mar 2017
You would have to speak with the CMS/CSA regarding this as you may be penalised. Really, you should wait until you are authorised so save any possible repercussions.
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Mar 2017
I'm afraid as we are a UK-based site, we can only answer UK-based family law questions. You would have to seek professional advice in your own country as laws will be different.
Ozzy 16 Mar 2017
Hi ! I had an affair with a lady for 2 weeks then went back to my life as I had family . The lady found me with child maintenance 2 year later saying I owe money to this women because I have baby as I'm shocked . She was sayin that she is on pill can't be pregnant . I'm not married to this women and my name is not on the birth certificate . Question is does that women have a right to sue me?
Me 16 Mar 2017
Hi, i need a bit of advice if possible. I found out earlier this week, that my three children have been taken off their mother who has bad alcohol issues (this was the main reason me & my ex split) & I am currently in the process of receiving legal help with regards to actually getting my children & residency with me etc. However, I need advice on the maintenance payments. I was paying maintenance every week,without fail, straight from my wages directly into her bank account, until i got told that my children had been taken off my ex (their mother) due to her drinking. I cancelled the payments due to this, as she does not have the children at the moment & also i am NOT funding her drinking. The money for the children will be saved by me for them. Am i correct to do this? Advice would be appreciated, Thanks.
mikey 16 Mar 2017
My ex and I are separated and we have a 3 yr old son soon gonna be 4. recently she told me that she's gonna move to an other state with my son, and i can't stop her. we had good relationship because of the child, we agreed on doing things on our own so we never had a court order or anything. I'm on the child birth certificate as the father. so i was wondering if she has the right to just move with my son even if i don't agree. first i moved here so i could be with my son and now she wants to go somewhere else.
Nobby 15 Mar 2017
I have just put a msg on here about my ex and I splitting and about a restraining order. Also to add, is that best part of last year my ex wife visited me at my house, she would walk in, have a brew and a chat whilst my kids were there even if she was dropping them off or picking them up. Christmas Day of 2016, my ex popped in with my children and she sat in my lounge and watched them open their Christmas presents, then she took some photos, then when she got back to her own house, she posts the pictures up on social media, now that just proves that she's been in my house and totally ignoring the order. I have txt messages, quite a few that are horrible and a few good ones. Advice needed please.
Nobby 15 Mar 2017
Hi there, I've just recently got divorced and I have 5 children aged from 15 down to 3 years of age. My ex and I split after a row as I had slapped her face in August 2015 ( she was drunk too) and she had me arrested and charged, I must stress that I don't condone what I did. I got fined and a restraining order was handed out to me until further notice saying that she was scared of me and that no contact with her and was not allowed to go back to tje matrimonial home/street etc etc. I was told that I had to make contact with my 15 year old, hence, texting or phoning. 5 weeks after that order was given my wife at the time sat in the same room with me and my children in my new house celebrating my daughters birthday. I took photos of the birthday and my wife is in the pictures......Who's in the wrong. Now I'm having trouble getting to see my children, I saw them quite a bit in 2016 up until June/July then from there very rarely. Saw them at Christmas for 4 hrs and then again on my daughters birthday this February just gone, now not seen them since. I was in touch with my eldest but this has now gone quiet as of this week. What can I do as I don't want to lose my kids and no doubt my ex will be saying that I'm a bad father, a bully etc etc. I need help as I'm gonna fight to see my children. Please can someone help, just feel all on my own and don't know where to turn. Kind regards Nobby
Ia1 14 Mar 2017
Hi, i split from my ex just over two years ago, we have a 5 year old daughter together, I am on the birth certificate, and I have had her every weekend Friday when I finish work to Sunday afternoon, there have also been times when the mother has asked me to have her so she can go on weeks away with her new partner, which I am always happy to do as the more time I get with my daughter the better for me. Her mother now has a new baby with her new partner and since having it our daughter is wanting to spend more time here with me, I received a message tonight telling me that she was reducing the nights my daughter spends with me because she plays up on Mondays for school. She has also been keeping school parents evenings from me until the very last minute too and other important things. Can she stop me having her just like that, I disagree that she is playing up because she is with me and think it is more to do with the new baby. Any help in the right direction would be greatly appreciated.
tj 14 Mar 2017
my ex has my daughter 2 a week and every other weekend, they have a honeymoon coming up in the summer holidays wich means I have to take time off to watch her, im wanting to go abroad aslong with out my child, but they are refusing, is there anything I can do about this?
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Mar 2017
If your ex denies you access to your step-daughter, you would have to apply to court for a contact order. If you have been in your step-daughter's life consistently as a child, then the court will consider this and may award a court order to see your step-daughter. Likewise, as she is now 14, her opinion whether she wishes to see you will be considered in court and the court will decide upon what it thinks is in your step-daughter's best interests.
Chris 13 Mar 2017
I have split up with my wife 12 months ago we had two children and the third I was her dad since she was three I see her as my daughter and she sees me as her dad however my ex keeps throwing it at her I am not her dad and says I have no right to see her she is 14
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Mar 2017
If the biological father does not have PR, then there shouldn't be an issue. You can see more via the Family Lives link here for more information.
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Mar 2017
I am sorry to hear this. You are free to contact your 18-year old daughter as your ex no longer has parental responsibility for her and she can make her own decision regarding whether she wishes to see you. However, you would need to be able to locate her first. With regards to your second daughter, your ex still has PR until she is 18. If the matter went to court, your 16-year-old would be able to have her say and the court would decide upon what it thinks would be in her best interests.
Mark 13 Mar 2017
I have sepereted from my of 7 and a half years, we have 2 sons together however only one of them is my bilogical son, I have brought up my non bilogical son since he was only 3 months old. Unfortunately I never legally adopted him but my ex partner has asked me if I would still be willing to adopt him. She has moved to England with both our sons and I live in Scotland where we lived together for the last 7 years. Is it still possible for me to legally adopt my non biological son? He does not know he is not my biological son as we feel he is still to young to be able to understand the situation, his biological father had all PRR's removed through a court order when he was only a few days old due to him being a violent and abusive person, he has never had contact with my son and will never have contact with him due to his violent tendencies and drug misuse and the fact he has been in prison for the last 2 years and will be for at least the next 8 years. I believe I'm correct in saying that I do not require his permission to adopt as he no longer has PRR's for my son and hasn't had contact with him at any point in my sons life. I just need to know if it will still be possible for me to adopt my non biological son even though we live in different parts of the UK and if it is possible what would be the best route for me to take to start the process of legally adopting my son.
Woody 12 Mar 2017
What rights have got the father of my kids as full parent responsiblite of my daughters who r now 18 and 16 I suffered bad depression back in 2003 but they moved I tried to find them on Facebook tryed everything but no lucky I think of my I kids all the time.
JJ 9 Mar 2017
Hello my situation a tricky one and wondering if anyone can help when my misses became pregnant we split up and ive not been put on birth certitcate of my daughter and I didn't have access to her up to 13months I started gdtung reglaur access to her every weekend from begging of march 2016- November 2016 having her over night on my own and soon as she moved address she stopped me seeing my child, as I use to have regular access and but not on birth certificate and there no dispute I'm the father do I automatically get parental responibilties to her I have plentely enough evidence to prove that I use to have her every weekend between march and November if anyone can help would be much appericatied thank you
Pdw42 9 Mar 2017
Hi there I separated from my wife over 18 months ago and since then I have had to move back to my parents while I try and sort somewhere for me to live. I have been looking for a while now and all I can afford is a room in a house share due to the fact that I am still paying half of my mortgage. Unfortunately renting a room does not allow me to have my children overnight and my ex will not allow them to stay at my parents with me due to not enough room. I was wondering what advice you can give me about my mortgage as someone told me that I can get a valuation of my house , state that I will accept this amount if/when house is sold and that I can stop paying the mortgage now as this would then allow me to rent a flat in order for my kids to stay with me. I would appreciate any advice possible to help me
Crofty88 9 Mar 2017
Hi sorry, I've always had regular contact with my children seeing them as often as I can on rest days and either before or after shifts at work. I've always maintained seeing them and although it's not exactly in a routine (due to shift work) I've tried to always be there when I can and when the kids need me. Thank you for your advice I will try mediation.
sam 6 Mar 2017
hi i need a bit of advice im planning a summer holiday with my kids and i need to get there first passports however i would like them to have my surname, but they have there fathers surname on the birth certificate and he has not seen them in 6 years i was wondering if anyone had any advice?
Crofty88 6 Mar 2017
Hello there I'm in a bit of a situation. Due to changing job and as such losing out on money my girlfriend and I have made the decision to live at her parents house while we save money to get ourselves on the property ladder. With this in mind I have spoken with my father who has a large house with a spare room where my two children can and are welcome to sleep over when I have them (I'd be sleeping downstairs).My ex wife whom I have two children under ten with has stated that I will not be having my children around over night. Her reasoning because she doesn't want them breaking routine. I have checked over and over and I do have PR. I feel I am losing out on time with my children because my ex is flat out refusing me having them sleep over. What would be the best way of resolving this as my ex is not willing to communicate between me and her over this matter. Many thanks
dad twice 5 Mar 2017
Hi I have a 14 year old son and a 19 year old daughter. They left their Mum to come and live with me after bullying behaviour from their Mother 14 months ago. We live very happily but the children do not hear from their mother nor does she make contact at all with my son and rarely with my daughter. We now wish to go to Spain on holiday but my ex will not sign a letter giving the Passport Agency permission to replace the passport he "lost" (suspect she kept it) when he left to move in with me. When my daughter asked her she said "Tell them I'm dead". Point is, is there an age when my son may legally request that his uncaring Mum have no further control over his freedom to live a normal life? Does he have to wait until he's 16 just to replace the passport lost when he came home to live with me? Is he to be deprived of normal family holidays abroad until he reaches 16 just because his Mother is extremely bitter in respect of his choice to live with me. I do have PR as both children were born during our marriage of c.17years. If she remains stubborn what recourse does My son have through Family court in U.K. to obtain permission to travel with his Father, given his extremely settled life in U.K? I have heard that he may be able to take his mother to court himself to obtain an order to allow him to get a passport and permission to travel and that this representation is free to him as a child? I imagine this must happen fairly often, has anybody experienced it and how did you cope? This is not a toddler being removed under cover of night to live abroad raised by foreign grandparents, this is a PR-owning Father taking his son on a well-deserved holiday. Please,any help? Thanks in advance.
Seadog 5 Mar 2017
Hi. I was in a relationship with a girl & we split up. Several months later she contacts me saying she is having my Child. I'm not sure it's my child at 1st. So I didn't attended the birth nor did I have any contact until a DNA test proved that the child was mine. My family (mother & father) as do I would like to get to know the child more. But the mother is a little hesitant atm to let me have the child for more than a few hours a week. What rights do I have to change this? What can I do to change this arrangement?
Dunk 4 Mar 2017
I have 4 children , it is a vomplex story I would really need soom help help with the two eldest Emily and jack living iñ seperate houses please help me
Mj15 2 Mar 2017
I'm a young father at the age of 21, my daughter is now 15 months old and I split up with the mother when she was 5 months old. I have the my daughter for 2 nights on a Thursday and Friday and keep her all day Saturday.I also have her for tea on a Tuesday. I pay for my child every week and also pay for nursery, I have started seeing a girl for the last 6 months who I have became close to. I want to introduce her to my daughter but the mother of my child will not let this happen as she does not like this girl. She keeps threatening me with seeing my daughter if my child is introduced with her. My girlfriend works with children in a nursery, can someone please help and tell me what my rights are? Can she actually not let my girlfriend see my daughter.
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Mar 2017
I'm afraid we cannot possibly predict this. If you cannot agree between you, then I advise you suggest mediation to your ex in order to try to resolve these issues via a third party. If you cannot agree via mediation, then it would be up to a court to decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your children.
Peter 1 Mar 2017
Hi I have been living with my partner for about 19 years, we are not married, we are splitting up but have adopted 2 girls girls 6 years ago. We have shared responsibility, I have told her that I will buy her out of the house and keep the children with me, she would have complete access to the children at any time she wanted. She seemed to agree with this but I received a letter from her solicitor saying she wanted the girls to stay whith her and a complete reversal of what we had talked about. As the girls are adopted and we have 50% parental responsibitly who will be given the right to look after the children?
Fudge 24 Feb 2017
Hi Im a father of a 9 and half month old boy who I only see once a week for 1 and half hours through mediation as my ex stopped me having contact with my son for 3 months. I have stuck to the agreement but she changes days to do other things. I am constantly asking if I can look after my child on own and keep getting refused without any good reason. Can my ex do this? As i feel she isnt being fair and what can I do to so I can look after my child on my own? Any advice would be very much appreciated
MD 23 Feb 2017
My ex partner left 2 years ago after having a 2 year affair we had 3 children together prior he affair since the day she left I've had the children stay with me 4 nights a week at first I wasn't calming tax credits but then I did but then she counter claimed and now she gets it I still have the children 4 nights a week and have recently asked for a share of the money as to pay towards food and clothing at first I got a positive response but now I think she is going to say no am I wrong in asking and what can I do if I'm correct in asking ?
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Feb 2017
I suggest seeking legal advice here. It seems like an amicable/good idea in principle. However, you would need to explore the all options and possible pitfalls.
Andy 21 Feb 2017
I split up with my ex around two years ago and have recently moved back to my parents house and see my 2 children at the weekends. My ex is living in the house I bought in 2014 which is in my name and she has now said she is willing to pay half of the mortgage aslong as I put her name on the deeds. The mortgage is currently only in my name as she wasn't working at the time of purchase. The idea is we both pay it to allow us both to save up and for her to eventually buy the house off me. Would her paying half instantly give her a large percentage of entitlement in the house or is that worked out on how much she contributes to it, and builds up over time? Has anyone else been in this situation and if so could you please give me some advice as I really don't know what would be the best solution. Many thanks.
jamie dad of 3 20 Feb 2017
My ex wife and I had an agreement for a routine for contact with my kids, I live in Bedford and they live in Southampton so visitation is monthly and I'm to call the kids every other day, she can break, swap and change the routine constantly so I'm left without contact and when I need flexibility once in a blue moon I get told mediation is in order. My say in the children's upbringing in school, health etc. Is ignored and I get abuse! And now she wants full custody and wants me to give up my rights which she has no reason for this and when asked I get nowhere! I need to know my rights now and what my rights will be and dont want to go to court as I'm being drained and cant afford rent bills etc. because she is creating debt and bad credit in my name without consent!
Bee 17 Feb 2017
My son currently leaves work 2 hours early every Wednesday and every other Friday to collect his two girls from school in line with part of his access agreement with his ex wife. His new boss has decided that new employees now have to work 9-5 and there is no longer flex time for any employees. He has worked for this company for a good number of years and previously made up any time lost. Where does he stand now please?
Dave caring dad 16 Feb 2017
I've been separated from my wife since dev 2016 , I've not seen my daughter since. Even though I've asked several times. I have parental rights and was wanting to collect my daughter from nursery next week. I've informed the nursery . what are my rights
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Feb 2017
Much depends upon how old the child is, whether the resident parent allows the child to move and the extent of contact the child has currently with his/her father. If the child is over the age of 11, then the child's opinion will be considered (should the matter have to go to court). However, a court will always decide upon what 'it' thinks is in the best interests of the child, regardless of the child's preference. The older the child is, the more influence the child will have to bear on the decision i.e if the child is 16, and has left school, then he/she would have more of an influence than if the child was still of school age and had an established home life with the mother. I hope this helps.
Kierali 1 Feb 2017
What would happen if you would like to live with you blood-related father, would you be able to under the age of 18 or would you have to stay living with your mother?
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Jan 2017
I'm am sorry to hear this. If you wish to appeal, you would have to seek legal advice to see whether you have a case. The unfortunate issue here is that regardless of whether the situation seems unfair, a judge will not force your son to see you, if he does not wish to. Perhaps in time your son may change his mind and wish to regain contact in the future. However, as it stands currently, the courts will always decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your child and if your child (for whatever reason) does not wish for contact, then the court will support his opinion.
Norman 16 Jan 2017
I contacted social services regarding an issue with my husbands son. I have now been banned from picking him up. My husbands exes new partner made threats. My husband works 6 nights per week and it takes a 7 hr round trip to pick child up. My husband will have to pick him up and then start work. After working the night before. This will become dangerous. I don't know what we can do
Jason 15 Jan 2017
I seperated with my partner back in October after issues with DV. I was charged and received a short custodial sentence and a restraining order for 2 years due to messaging my ex asking for some of the money she had moved from the joint account. I pleaded guilty because I was in the wrong. Prior to this I had a good job and everything that we needed. My ex is a pub manager and this meant her working very long hours so we didn't get to spend much time together which we needed as we have a 7 yr old daughter and we needed family time. This is what it revolved around. I am now staying with my family 70 miles away while I get myself back on my feet and have written to my daughter as she will be wondering where here daddy is. I'm going to see a solicitor next week with regards to contact as I haven't seen her now in 11 weeks and its really killing me.
Beany 13 Jan 2017
My wife and i are going on a family holiday. My step daughter's father is in prison. He has PR as he is on the birth certificate. He is not allowed direct contact with my wife in any form. Do we need his permission to take my step daughter on holiday?
Jamierhysh 12 Jan 2017
I'm currently fighting a custody battle with my minioulative x we have currently had the children put on child protection & at the time of the first court hearing I was working and paying for a solicitor recently due to stress and being put on antidepressants I've had to go on the sick & currently getting state benefits would I now qualify for legal aid in the U.K. As social are involved and it's been a case for the last year ?
Caring Father 7 Jan 2017
Hi ive just recently split up with my partner because the relationship got violent with me getting assaulted i had no choice but to ring the police and got advised not to be in contact with my now Ex but go through a 3rd person. My name is on the borth certificate and I have asked to see my Daughter but got shot down when I asked to have her over night then later on she text with times I should have her and times I should bring her back. She says she's a full time mum but works and before we split I was looking after my child while she went to work but now the relationships turned pair shaped shes putting the stops in for me to have my child over night. I thought both parents was meant to have 50/50 access? I just want to no my rights before I go to a solicitors.
Inequality System 7 Jan 2017
I'm divorced and my boy aged 5 lives with his mother. It was a straight divorce. I see my son every weekend and holiday periods ie. Easter, Christmas and Sumner holidays. Access is clearly not an issue and it probably works out I have my son 50% of the year. I also pay the mother child maintenance which is an amount we mutually agreed on. I travel approximately a 1000 miles a month to collect my son and take him home. I provide hus own toys and clothes at my own home aswell. My question is... The system seems to be unfair, mother can claim child maintenance, receives child maintenance from myself, whilst I struggle. I spend a fortune in fuel, (it's worth it!) however feel as a father I have 0 rights or help as I'm male! Technical I have my child as much as the mother but gain no help from the system! The system is unfair! Tell me otherwise or what can I do?
Gemma 6 Jan 2017
Hi me n my bf got a 2yr old lad he's on birth certificate I just wanted abit of advice if we split am I within my rights to take my son cuz every time we fall out and I say am going all I get is ur not taking my son can he do that thanks
Dan 6 Jan 2017
My wife and I separated overall year ago. I had a bit of a mental breakdown and ended up in prison. I have since been diagnosed with mental health issues including ptsd. When I was released from prison back in August my ex wife spoke to a solicitor to find out if social services were involved and learned that there was no involvement as I had already explained to her. After finding out this information she agreed to let me see my son for 1 hour a week with her in attendance and to increase this amount of time gradually. When I questioned how long it would be before she would increase the amount of time, we fell out and she stopped me seeing him altogether. I tried to sort out mediation but she has refused point blank to get involved and told the mediator that seems intends to apply for full custody as she wants me out of our sons life. Our son was born while we were married and my name is on the birth certificate. However she is stating that she will use my time in prison and my mental health issues against me in court. She also has the funds to pay a solicitor whereas myself I am now unemployed and will therefore have to represent myself. She is a great mum and I don't intend to try and split them up I just want a fair amount of access to see my son. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated as I am worried that my poor state of mental health will mean she can separate me from my son for good
UnhappyDad 5 Jan 2017
Hi After a turbulent couple of years of a lot of arguing and not talking to each other, my wife of 17 years suggested we seak counselling last year. We did, but I found the female counsellor constantly looked at the negatives, not the negatives of our marriage. We have two wonderful children who we both love very much. I received a call in December, but no one spoke. I called the number back and it was the solicitor we had purchased our house through 10 years previously. They said they had even trying to reach my wife, but left no message. My wife said it was obviously a mistake, and they'd retained our number on file. But we'd changed our number since, and phone records showed she had called them on 2 occasions. She admitted she had lied, had contacted them after out counselling, but had not gone as far as meeting them for discussion. Yesterday, she hand delivered me documents from her solicitor for a divorce. I haven't slept or eaten since. We haven't sat the children (14 and 12) down to discuss, yet. They will be distraught. As am I. She says there is no one else and that i am emotionally controlling. I dispute this accusation, but do agree I have an issue with my wife adding male 'friends' on social media sites - people she went to school with 25 years ago and had never seen since, and them liking pictures of her doing pole class and wearing very little. Can this really be used against me? I do not want to get divorced. Without this becoming a huge financial burden in the courts, what is my best option for refusing/extending any time period? I need time to win her back. And can she prevent me living in our shared house? She hasn't asked me to leave, but that seems the next logical step. I am not disputing any payments, Ie mortgage, maintenance. Although she has moved a large chunk of change from our joint account to cover this. Please advise. I'm at my wits end! Thanks
Bec 4 Jan 2017
My son is 6 months old his dad is on his birth certificate but only shows up when he wants and smells of beer he's always tried to wake our son when he's asleep and he's threatening me with court all the time he buys him baby milk now n then only bought him nappys once and he has a large German Shepard at home that goes for people he doesn't know I don't want him near my son at all what rights does his dad have can he take him off me? Also the times his dad would turn up to see him was around 7-8pm when he's ready for bed he hardly bothers in the day time what do I do just let him take me to court?
Unknown 30 Dec 2016
I have been split up with my ex for 2 months now and she is only allowing me to see my daughter for 2 hours a week, i feel this is very unfair as i have to be out in public every time i see my daughter she is only 15 months and i dont want her to be out in thew cold or in shopping centers everytime she sees me. I am on the birth certificate i pay my maintenance every month but feel i should be allowed more than 2 hours with my daughter?
Darren 28 Dec 2016
My wife and I have been married for 3 years and have one child between us and her older boy by another man who pays no maintenance as he emigrated to Thailand where there is no agreement with the UK for enforcement. If we divorced, would I be expected to pay maintenance for both boys?
DB 28 Dec 2016
I have my girl every other weekend and also obviously pay my cma without fail. I have gone without my daughter for 3 years now at Christmas Purley because of me ex wife's emotional state at this time due to her somewhat peppered past but this is nothing to do with me or my girl I have recently put down the sugar coated caring ex partner as it doesn't benifit anyone as in she still acts like a crank. I suppose the question is am I well within my right to have my daughter every other Christmas with every other boxing day between. And every other birthday
Timmy 23 Dec 2016
Hi, my wife wants to leave,and rent a house,taking my young son with her,she says i can see him acouple days a week, she works 3/4 days a week, so i look after my child 40 hrs a week,,i work for my self all but part time these days, i own my own home and have no money issues, can she just up and leave and take my child,he is very attached to me,also i worry she will take my child abroad to live as she is forign,any help!!,
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Dec 2016
Child access and child maintenance are in no way related and have no bearing nor are dependent upon each other, meaning his rights to access do not depend upon the money he pays. However, by law your son is responsible of paying maintenence towards the day-to-day care of his child. He can either come to a family-based child maintenance figure between him and his ex, or it can be arranged via the Child Maintenance Service. Only when it goes through the CMS, would your son be responsible and/or be liable for arrears (if he refuses to pay) and should therefore pay the money as instructed. Prior to this, it is up to the parents to decide.
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Dec 2016
If your brother is not registered on the birth certificate, he currently has no rights to his child. However, he can take the matter to court to apply for both parental responsibility, and access. If his ex will not agree to mediation (in order to sort the issue of contact out informally) he can then apply for a C100 contact order through court to request access to his child. Reading all the pages on this site will help him to gain some understanding of his rights and the course of action he should take. Some legal advice may help him also. I hope this helps.
Max 18 Dec 2016
My son has finally split up from quite a toxic relationship. They have an eight month old boy, she is allowing my son to see his son once a week in their house (he moved out 5 weeks ago because of constant arguing) under her careful watchful eye! He asked to take him out for an hour and she hit the roof saying how could he as he had never looked after him by himself and how would she know that he would be safe! Obviously he was working hard to provide the lifestyle that she required! At what point does he start paying child maintenance. He is happy to pay but obviously he has no access unless it's on her terms. He is in the process of a parenting plan and arranging mediation as it looks like she is not going to do anything unless it's goes to court. this seems to be a long process. Does he just not pay anything and keep it aside or pay the minimum or pay extra so it doesn't go to court. He earns a basic salary and then also gets commission. Any advice?
Tictac 18 Dec 2016
Hi. My brother has a 6 momth old son but the mother and his now ex partner will not let him see his child. His name is not on the birth certificate but is undoubtedly his and that has never been questioned. He is desperate to see his child and pays money to the mother every week. Is there anything he can do? Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Dec 2016
If your child is earning a wage and your child benefit has stopped, then your ex child maintenance payments would stop also as your child's father would no longer be eligible to help with his financial upkeep.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Dec 2016
You would have to negotiate this between you both, as there are no set rules.
lou 5 Dec 2016
My child is 16 and @ started an apprenticeship of 25 hours a week. Does his father still have to pay maintenance for him?
Frankie 5 Dec 2016
Hi my wife wants to separate so do I have the right to keep the house and make her move out
nuggy 5 Dec 2016
Hi. I'm in middle of divorce and pay my ex maintenance each month and have my kids everry other weekend. My ex moved another guy in our home 6wks after meeting him. She has 3 kids from me and 2 from another guy. I was shocked she moved a man in but its none of my business. But now I am told I cant see my kids cos she don't wanna see me or have contact with me!!! This is since I met another woman. I'm not even ment to text her. Also her boyfriend burst my 5yr olds ball and my stepdaughter was cryin to me saying he had threatened to smash her phone up if she didn't behave!!! So I went to speak to him but my ex slammed door and he never came out to speak to me so I did get a little angry and shouted for him to stop bullying the kids!!! Now I'm not allowed to see my kids. What do I do??
Russel 4 Dec 2016
Am a mother of one, 5months pregnant ,adviced to have a rest and whoever responsible avoids responsibilities to a point of keeping a distance ad not willing to talk.what should I do for the upkeep now and after birth?please help ?
Herbal 2 Dec 2016
Hi.am living in northern ireland.me and my boyfriend split to separate ways,we have a child.am single now and getting some benefits of housing revenew.my ex boyfriend wants to visit child and be some part of his life,but he wants to be in my house with kid 2-3 days a weak.Question is how long he can be in my house during the month?couse i want to go work and its better that the real father will be with child in my house than i would pay for baby sitter
Pete 30 Nov 2016
Wasn't sure what to do, have a daughter aged 6 for the first 4 years of her life I was a part of her life and had a private agreement with her mother over money. In and around Christmas 2014 her mother wouldn't let me see her anymore, she lets my family see her but not me, it's in and around when I stopped the payments which I accept I'm not the proudest person in the world. I was never the most attentive whether that was down to age or my self centred actions but I would really like to make amends. Can anyone give me advice?
saddad 22 Nov 2016
i live in Torquay Devon, on the 17/11/16 my Ex has taken our 5year old daughter to scotland for the weekend, Today 21/11/16 she phoned me saying she is going to stay & live in Scotland with our child. we have been separated for approximately 2 years and i have had our daughter every weekend without fail and taken her to school each day for the best part. i have a strong relationship with our daughter. what can i do? Please help us
Dazrosic 19 Nov 2016
Hi me and my wife have recently split and we have 2 children, the house is in my name and I still pay the mortgage and also pay her money every month, whilst paying for a rented flat. She has now gone down the csa route and I am paying the mortgage and the csa, which is over a thousand a month and then I have my own outgoings on top...we are now going down the legal route of solicitors and mediators at more expense....this all leaving me completely broke....she is ruining me financially
Shaun 15 Nov 2016
The mother of my 10 year old girl and I have been seperated over 9 years. I have had moments of pure evilness from her over the years around time spent with my daughter. It's not that she refuses me access, it's more that i can only see my girl when it suits herself. I work full time and only have free time at the weekends. My ex has recently split with her current partner to which she has a 1 year old. She started working full time again, and was allowing my 10 year old to walk home on her own and let in the house by her naighbour un-supervised for around 3-4 hours until she returned from work. When i found out, rather than reporting herself or making things hard, me and my current partner supported her and paid my 16 year old step daughter £15 per day to collect her from school and feed and entertain my daughter untill her mum came to pick her up. We agreed that we would do this Twice a week to help her out with child care. This of course ment that i was paying and extra £120 per month on top of my Maintianence, but did not mind with the piece of mind that my daughter was not left to look after herself at 10 years old all week as other family members had her the other days and i had her fri/sat - sun regulary. Meaning with her own days of her family only had to help out one day a week. This worked great for months, my daughter was happy as she gets on great with my partners kids. My Ex started asking for 3 days a week, then 4 and it got to the point where it was hitting my family hard finacially. but i did not want my daughter to suffer. I contacted my ex and said that this is now costing me £180 - £220 extra per month on top of my Child Maintinance, she hit the roof and has now stopped me from having my child. Also she is now leaving my 10 year old on her own or with a new boyfriend that she's only know around a month. Is there anything i can do to stop my child being left on her own?
Soj 15 Nov 2016
My ex wife took my children to London and I live in Scotland and she's saying I have to travel down and back and also to drop them off. I have said half way and she agreed but now she is saying I've to pick them up and return them again because that's I have to. Is this true or does she have to meet me half way? I want to see them but can't afford all the train fares.
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Nov 2016
It is unlikely your children will be removed from you by the courts. The courts will always decide what is in the best interests of your children and stability is the most important. It is rare the court will rule to hand the children over from the resident parent to the NRP's care unless absolutely necessary.
Stu 15 Nov 2016
Hi I have full custody of my children and my ex wife has never stuck to her side of the agreement regarding seeing the children. She is now moving to Scotland where she says she will be entitled to free legal cover and will try to take the children away from me. Is this true?
Jeffrey 14 Nov 2016
Hi, In a seperated non married relationship. Can a mum demand to see where her children will be staying when not with her (with her dad) before she allows her children to stay away from her on agreed days of the week? Also using this as a block to even visit the children at her home. Thanks
Humous 14 Nov 2016
Hi, quick question please...single father to two aged 5 and 6. Mother erratic with contact, tends to make last min requests, iv refused last two. On average sees them once every 3months even though there is a court order saying she can have them alternate weekends/split hols etc she has failed to keep to the arrangement in the last year (since made). Can I stop her involvement altogether as she's done this for 4yrs now, changing address's and partners also etc. Kids don't want to see her...what am I rights ?!
RDL 12 Nov 2016
I am voluntary l leaving our family home and my name is jointly on the mortgage. I will pay 'x' amount to my with a month but she will be paying the mortgage. I will be purchasing my own property separately. What right financially and legal do I have to the property I will be leaving?
Roni 10 Nov 2016
My son has 3 children they split over 3 years ago and all children are in his name . one who is now 14 live with her dad .the other 2 remain with mum .my question is he wont to take all 3 on holiday to spain and wont to know if he can apply for passports on his own as his ex is very bitter about the split . she has said she will do it if he give her the money to pay for it but in the past she has taken money and not used it for it purpose it was given .he doesnot wont the children to loose out on family holiday
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Nov 2016
I am sorry to hear this. If you decide to take the matter to court, then your sons will be asked their opinion due to their age. Once your elder son has reached the age of 18, parental responsibility then ends, so he can make his own decisions. Otherwise, it is up to you and your ex to negotiate and if you cannot come to an agreement, your options would be to suggest mediation or take the matter to court.
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Nov 2016
If your ex authorises you to have your children, you can. If your ex refuses any requests for you to care for your children, if your ex is homeless you would have to apply through Social Services or the courts. I suggest you seek legal advice in order to explore your options.
JohnH 9 Nov 2016
Hello, I have now been separated for a year. Now with Christmas approaching it has all blown out of proportion who will have who when. So it seems to spite me, my ex wife has started to be awkward about me seeing the children out of any agreed times. Obviously this is very brief description of my situation but my question is: If either child on a non arranged day (if they have nothing on) would like to see me after school to play football or whatever, do they have any rights over what the mother says. The boys are aged 16 & 12 Thank you for your help
adam12 8 Nov 2016
Hopefully someone can advise me. I have separated from my partner. We have 4 children together. When we split up she moved to her family house. While she was living they would not allow me to see the children. Then her and her family got into some sort of fight and they through her and the kids out. She is now homeless with the kids. Legally am I allowed to take the children and bring them to live with me and my new partner. I am on all of their birth certificate so from reading what I found on line I have parental responsibility.
SeparatedDads Editor 4 Nov 2016
If you wish for more time, you would either have to suggest mediation to your ex, or apply to court,
Dazzy 4 Nov 2016
Hi, I'm after a little advice. I spilt with my partner over 2 years ago, we were married for 12 years together 14. We lived in the greater Manchester area, but since the split and for personal reasons I moved back to my home town Sheffield. We have no court order,nothing in writing regarding what happens with regards to picking theme up and dropping them off, but recently my ex had insinuated that unless I do as she says I won't be allowed to see my children, where do I stand if I pick them up and request she picks themy up from me.
sean 3 Nov 2016
hope someone can advise please. I have split from my partner and am named on the birth certificate. My ex has offered me 3 times per week contact totalling 8 hours, I am aware this is more than some fathers however still feel it is not enough. Social services are involved as they deemed our realationship not good for our child, so we have split. Things were never bad but we argued and they said that was emotional abuse. I want to know where I stand on asking for more time please.
pen 3 Nov 2016
My son has regular contact with his children, having them stay 3 weekends in 4. His ex partner will not allow him to pick up his daughter from school or let him go to any school events. Does he have any rights to go to the school please?
Tom 30 Oct 2016
My ex and I live about 2hours round trip away and had an agreement (not legal) that one would do drop off and the other would pick up on a weekend (say&sun as he doesn't stay over) She's now turned round and said that I have to do all the pick ups and drop offs. Will I just have to accept this or is there anyway to argue this?
Worried Dad 25 Oct 2016
My ex telephoned me to say my 16 year old son had had an interview for an apprenticeship yesterday and if he got it he would be leaving school and that the decision was made entirely by my son. I would like my son to remain in school. What can I do?
SeparatedDads Editor 24 Oct 2016
While parental responsibility gives you specific rights, trying to impose those rights on an ex who does not respect them, is always a tricky process and one that can only be resolved through mediation or court, if you cannot resolve this between yourselves.
JJ 22 Oct 2016
Hopefully someone can help, I have been divorced for 6 years now with 8 and 10 year old sons whom live with the mother. They stay with me every 2nd weekend, half of school holidays and half terms, I pay regular maintenance and not missed a payment etc. I have recently found out for the first time that my youngest has been diagnosed with a disorder and has been put on medication which was a bit of a shock to the system as I have never had any problems with him that would suggest this. When I found out I questioned the ex as to why I was not informed of him under going tests or medical treatment etc, she told me that she is the responsible parent as kids live with her and she is the one that makes the decisions etc on their well being etc and then to put the icing on the cake, she has informed me that she has been seeking and receiving advice from her new partner of 6 months. Surely as the biological father that has regular contact etc with no barring orders etc, I am the one that she be informed and approached for advice and I should have been informed of what's going on, not just being told out of the blue that he has some disorder. Hopefully there is someone out there that can help and give some advice and info as to where I stand and what rights I have etc to be informed of things like this..Many thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Oct 2016
I'm afraid it is very difficult if the child in question does not wish to have contact with you. Of course, you can go to court to apply to have the order enforced, but if your daughter is now 11 her opinion will be taken into account. I can only suggest you try to resolve the issue with your daughter first and foremost and then the order will naturally fall back into place. At the same time, you need to be careful not to harass your daughter. Asking to talk the matter through and trying to find out the reason why she has somehow taken offence will give you the information you need to try to rectify the issue before you apply to court.
dreamteam 19 Oct 2016
I have a 11 year daughter who I havent seem for 2months I have a contact order in place I have aprroched my ex who suggest my daugther who is going to high school has no time for me . Some how my daughter mind had been poision against me she wont talk to me She has her own phone which now is never answer This has made things harder to for me to make any contact as we have always been so close I am going to try once more to resslove this before I will have to go to court which I dont look forward to exspenive and more delays What do yo suggest
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Oct 2016
Your ex is not obliged to have to give this to you and there is no legal right to say that she should. If you cannot negotiate between you, then mediation would be the next step in order to try to resolve the issue. Have you asked if you can buy your son a mobile? So, he can use it solely to speak to you. It might be worth a suggestion.
Chris 17 Oct 2016
Just wanted to ask a question regarding contact. My ex wife has just moved and everytime I ask for her new telephone number my request is ignored. Ever since my ex wife walked out of our marriage 6 years ago I took the decision to speak with my son every day. Currently I can only do this via her mobile number which, if she decides not to pick up then I am unable to speak with my son. Am I entitled to her land line number or do I just face the fact that I can only speak with him via her mobile. . Any advice would be welcomed.
Matt 16 Oct 2016
As a separated father do i have any rights to take my daughter on a holiday abroad? And if my ex wanted to do the same would she have to get my consent? Cheers.
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Oct 2016
Before you apply to court your ex will have had to have refused your suggestion of mediation. But once she refuses, or if the mediation process breaks down then you can apply to court.
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Oct 2016
The police cannot get involved if both parents have parental responsibility. You may wish to contact Scottish Women's Aid, whichor Shelter Scotland here where you can immediately chat online to an adviser. While your partner's actions may not currently constitute domestic abuse, they do fall in line with emotional abuse. I hope this helps.
nickdevalda 14 Oct 2016
Hi, I was with my ex partner between 1998 and 2007, we have 2 children which were born before 1 december 2003 so i have no parental responsibility. When we split up she moved away and I have not seen her or my children since. I have been trying to find them since, but have heard that she has changed her name and the childrens names, which makes it incredibly difficult to find them as I do not even have a starting point. Are there any legal rights that I have or avenues I can go down to trace them, as it has been nearly 10 years of their lives I have missed out on.
Bt75 13 Oct 2016
My ex after 3 years is denying me access to my 6 year old daughter suddenly after 3 years..I have a good bond with my daughter..I am in the process of going to court however to proceed we need to go to a MIAM mediation session however I know my ex will refuse....can I carry on proceedings without MIAM
Jk 13 Oct 2016
Hi, I've got 9mth old twins and 5 months pregnant. Im splitting with my partner but he won't give me the car keys to leave nor will he let me leave with my babies. I've tried calling the police but they won't get involved even though I told them i don't feel safe. What are my rights in Scotland as a mother? Thank you
kaza 11 Oct 2016
Please help-I am no longer with my daughter's mom-she broke up with me when she was 3 months pregnant. She only allows me to see daughter if I go to her house whilst she remains in the room and watches me. This makes me extremeley anxious and depressed as I do not get on with my ex. Is there anything I can do?? My daughter is going on 5 months old now and the majority of my family and friends have never even seen her. I'd like her at my own house, even if it's only an hour or 2 a week but she isn't allowing this. Thanks,
SeparatedDads Editor 11 Oct 2016
I am sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, you would have to wait until your child is born and it will be up to your ex whether she decides to register you as the father on the birth certificate. If she refuses, then you would have to take the matter to court in order to apply for parental responsibility and access.
dex 10 Oct 2016
My ex an I split up in march and she then finally told me she was pregnant in July, I'm worried she wont put me on the birth certificate as she has stopped telling me anything I've been told about one scan 6 hours after the fact how can I be sure she will let me be a part of my sons life?
JO 8 Oct 2016
A friend of mine who is a lesbian approached me about sperm do donoring a child and I agreed. However it didn't work after a couple of months of trying so we gave up and she moved on. Then we had a one last try 8 months later and she fell pregnant. However we'd had fallen out shortly after and she didnt inform me until 3 months in. I am now in a committed relationship and planning a family of my own, this news has obviously been problematic in my current relationship. What rights do I have? She doesn't want me to have any parental role in this child's life. Would I still be liable for child maintenance if she is refusing to let me have parental rights over her child?
tj 7 Oct 2016
Me and my ex wife have split and she has taken my 3 year old abroud where she is from to live. And is telling me that i wont be able to see him what do i do please ??????
Sam 3 Oct 2016
Hi, I have parental responsibility for my son who is four. I am involved with all that I am allowed/included with by the mother that he lives with. Things are usually amicable and I have a great relationship with my son who always wants to see me! I just keep having issues with the mother when she has arranged a childminder to look after my son after school while she works until she is home. The childminder is needed as I am at work too but as I finish hours before her, I want to be able to collect my son to spend some time with me as the mother is still at work anyway and surely I as the father am best company for my son rather than hired help. This can not be set as a regular thing as I work shifts. But when the opportunity arises I want to be able to collect my son from the childminders and let the mother know and offer to return my son to her when she is home or later on if preferred. But she says she will not allow this as she's paying for the minder, unless I have him on that set day so she can save money on childcare. Which as I work shifts means I can not do this and she won't let me have my son even though he's just at a childminders anyway!!! Can she stop me just collecting him anyway as long as I would let her know, or can she make it so that the childminders will not release my son to me as she's paying etc.... ?
Ant 3 Oct 2016
I'm taking my ex wife back to court for more access since she found out she's made false allegations about my behavior I have not seen or spoke to her in 13 months other than through text or communication book I have just been told by the social worker that he's stepping child in need up to child protection can anybody help all I want is more time an she's doing everything possible to completely cut me out of there life's
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Oct 2016
You can apply for a court order yes, but it doesn't mean you will automatically be awarded the extra time you wish with your child. The court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child and much also depends upon what your ex's reasons of objection are and whether they override your reasons for having your daughter for a prolongued period when home on leave. The fact you pay child maintenance is irrelevant when it comes to child access as they are considered two separate issues.
Rebeeca Almey 2 Oct 2016
Y husband took us all to live in Spain but also took his mistress he then kicked myself out and got the mistress to move in I have got no where to live and I'm in the uk at min but trying to get bk to Spain He has now got bored of looking after the kids and says he's bringing them bk to U.K. To leave them with my parents But he needs to get passports of embassy I've told the embassy I don't give permission for them to leave Spain As they have school paid for and they don't want to come to England Can he get a passport without my permission
Phill 2 Oct 2016
Hey, I have a 3 year old little girl that I adore and I get to see every other weekend. I am in the Army soon my leave I want to see my baby girl for 7 days, however the mother is been so stubburn about it and giving my random days and 1hour on Christmas Day. Can I apply for a court order where on my leave I can have my daughter for 7 straight days, without her choosing random days here and there. Also I pay £800 a month in to a joint account and she still lives in my house in my eyes I can't be any more tidy. Thanks in advance
Mr j 30 Sep 2016
Hi I have a 6 year old son the mother and I had spit a long time ago she let's me have him every other weekend but I would like some weekdays but she doesn't allow it do I have rights as I dad to have him for weekdays and what can I do? Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 29 Sep 2016
Regardless of whether his name is on the birth certificate, if you name him as the father, then by law he is partly financially responsible for your child and you can claim child maintenance. Please see CMS which
Yhyhyh 28 Sep 2016
HI. I HAVE A 7MONTHS OLD DAUGHTER WITH MY PARTNER. WE BOTH AGREED THAT WE NO LONGER WANT TO LIVE together. I mention that we live in a private rent and with us also live her 10year old boy from a different marriage. We aren t married.,but there is no way we can live together. Where can I go from here? Because we can not get to an agreement. I don t know the rules in UK. Thank you
Miss j 28 Sep 2016
I have 4 year old boy, me and my baby daddy we being separate for 4year now he see the child every after two week the problem is that he doesn't what to maintain the child he say he what to be register on baby certificate first because he what to open the bank investment for the baby please help me because we are not long together now
Dadzzz 26 Sep 2016
I've just split up from my fiancee of 9 years. We have 2 children. She has left and I have the children, we both agree they should stay with me. She has cancelled child tax for me to apply for it. She has had the kids 1-2 nights in 2 weeks but I collect well before the time is up. Kids are happy to stay with me as she is not the same person anymore. Were do my rights come in? At anytime in the future can she just come and take them? I think if I applied for a residence order she would get nasty and mayb take. I just want to be secure with them. Any advice please? Thanks
Rps 25 Sep 2016
I have a 4 year old son and have always paid my child maintenance on time every month, and I always see him on a weekend when I go pick him up and then drop him off the following day, but my biggest concern is that I am a serving soldier in the army, and will be posted down south so I won't be able to see him every weekend unfortunately as it would be an 8 hour round trip to pick him up and then bring him back to my house, I am fearing that his mother will want as much money as she can get of me even though I buy him new clothes all the Time, pay for his hair cutting, and she never drops him of at my current house(she has maybe 3 times in 3 1/2 years) and now that he is at school he has been invited to friends parties etc, and this is a problem as it lessens the time I get to spend with my son before I get posted down south, do I have any legal right as I am named on his birth certificate to ask her to meet me half way on journeys to see me and also I can I say no he isn't going to the parties as I want to see him
Emzie 24 Sep 2016
Hi ya, I was in a relationship for about 6months become pregnant and all was ok both agreed to carry on with the pregnancy. I hit 12 weeks and all changed cut along story short the fella has hasn't bothered with my son who is 7mths now. He's seen him twice in that time bought him one pack of nappies and a tin of milk and that's it. Never asks after him ect ect ect..... He's not on the birth certificate as he didn't bother through out the pregnancy..... My question is what rights does he actually have and can I by court have any parental rights took off him as he has denied him for 7mths already.... I just don't want him turning up when he feels like it...
Jessrenae 24 Sep 2016
Hi I have a son that is 4 and his father has never been in his life and never ask to see him and doesn't want to pay child support but doesn't want me to change my sons last name to mine would I have a good chance for my sons last name to get changed from the fathers to mine?
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Sep 2016
If your child's mother decides to name you as the father, then you would be eligible to pay child maintenance until your child reaches 18, regardless of whether you have/want any involvement with your child. Child maintenance and child access have no bearing upon each other i.e you don't have to see your child, but you are still classed as being financially responsible. If you do not think you are the child's father, then you would have to prove to the courts by way of an authorised DNA test that you were not, If the tests come back negative, only then would payments cease. Therefore, if you feel you are not the father you may wish to put the wheels in motion before your ex decides to claim, as once she claims you'll have to start paying. With regards to access, if your ex refuses you, but you decide you want to form a relationship with your child, then you would have to apply to court.
Rdavies92 22 Sep 2016
Hello I had a child after a one night stand with a girl, she kept the child, I wasn't involved with the pregnancy at all as I didn't want the child, I asked her to have a termination. I spoke to her around 6 months into the pregnancy and asked her about having a Dna test, it became a heated argument because of the way i spoke to her & she said to me respect her or she won't do anything and that was it. I haven't spoken to her since. The child is now around a year old I haven't made any contact but she is saying to my sister ( who i don't speak to ) she's going to get child maintainace from myself for the child. How do I go about this? I don't want contact the child is nothing to do with me .. Do I still have to pay? And will I get contact in result of Paying? Also would I get pr rights even though I'm not on birth certificate
zsola 21 Sep 2016
Hello.Can a Association represent me on court?Thank you
Joey P 20 Sep 2016
Hi, I left my wife a few months ago due to ongoing arguments and a general drift. We have a 2 year old daughter together who lives with her. There aren't any particular issues re access as I generally see my daughter on a regular basis. My issue however is that the ex will not allow my daughter to sleep over at my house claiming it will 'affect her routine' .. Yet she regularly takes her for over nighters to see her family in Ireland for days at a time. What are my rights regarding having my daughter sleep over at mine? Thanks
Nanny 20 Sep 2016
My sons ex is moving away with my granddaughter to live with a man she hasn't long met.She is under social services for varies things. Is there anything my son can do. He has does have parent responsibly. Many Thanks
Wanttoseemydaughter 20 Sep 2016
Hi I have recently split from my partner, we were not married and it was my fault we have split, long story short I gambled and lied for months as a result of having a bad addiction, I spent money for things like rent which put her in a position to lose the house, she didn't as my brother helped out with the money which I am paying back now, since the split she has refused me to see our daughter who is 16 months, I haven't gambled since before we split and she still won't let me see her what can I do to change this? And also do I have parental responsibility as my name is on the birth lines ?
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Sep 2016
Unfortunately, I cannot advise on this as we are a UK-based site dealing with only UK-based family law issues and the laws in the US are very different to here.
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Sep 2016
Many thanks for your comments, I'm sure Kez will find them useful.
Paul 18 Sep 2016
I have been separated from my daughters in the US for 8 years now due to deportation and divorce, and despite filing several motions to court to restore parental rights I have not been granted any parental rights because each of the motions were dismissed by the court because I am unable to show up in person and cannot hire an attorney, because I don't have any money. I used to send letters and gifts to my daughters by mailing them to theirr school (which are never responded). However, the last parcel I sent with a gift for my daughter was returned due to refusal to accept. Can you advise any options I have to alleviate this painful problem?
ke 18 Sep 2016
Hi I was in a similar situation a few years ago. My son had facial surgery at a London hospital. I re married 3 yrs ago and have no children with my new wife, I was insistent that my wife was fully involved, looking back that was for myself so I had someone there for me and that my wife didnt feel left out. This caused a lot of friction pre &post op when your child should feel loved and secure and know that when it counts Mum & Dad can get along. Having over the last few months talked to my son of how well his doing and how the surgery has changed his life for the better we've talked about those awkaward times sitting in his room and his said to be honest dad all Iwanted was you mum and nanna those first few days. Hospitals can restrict visitors to NOK only,if things are critical.
Kez 18 Sep 2016
I have a daughter with a woman I was never married to. My daughter was born after 2003, and my name appears as her father on her birth certificate. I have been continually involved in my daughters life though she resides at her mother's. My daughter (age 9) is undergoing surgery this November, and her mother is refusing to allow my wife, (my daughter's stepmother who has been in her life for over half of her life) any visitation rights pre or post operation. She has told us she has made arrangements with the hospital to restrict my wife from my daughter's ward. Can she do this, given that she and I both have parental responsibility, and my stepdaughter and her stepmother have a profoundly close relationship? She is also telling me I am no longer to contact my daughter via text messages, or she'll take away my daughter's ipad (her ipad is her only immediate means of reaching me when she isnt with me). Thank you for your prompt and thoughtful reply.
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Sep 2016
It depends on how you look at the situation. If you feel you have equal parental responsibility with your ex for your children, then negotiating childcare etc is all part of the parenting process. Likewise, you can always request flexible working to work around having your children more, for instance if both you and your ex have work commitments. There is no right or wrong answer here and we could not anticipate what a court would decide. This may be one for mediation if you can't agree between yourselves.
grey 15 Sep 2016
Hi My wife & I are separated but not yet divorced, we both have parental responsibility and I pay maintenance through CSA. Two children stay with me & my partner for 3 out of 4 weekends a month. My ex has demanded that I have children for a total of 6 weeks out of their school holidays next year but I only have 4 weeks of annual leave from work. Can she force the children into my care? Many thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Sep 2016
Much depends upon the relationship with your ex and how much she wishes to keep you informed. You have no specific rights to know this information - your ex is using her parental responsibility to make a personal decision regarding this.
excluded dad 14 Sep 2016
Having read through your schedule, basically you cannot assist an un-named father (on the Birth Certificate) acting, financial father abused by the mother because she gets more benefits from the Government and Child Support (who have been garnisheeing his income for 20 years). And Community Services say, we can"t force her to admit he is the father. For goodness sake Child Support accepted my wages/income for twenty years, isn't that enough evidence for the Family Court?
damo 14 Sep 2016
Hi i am wanting to know if i have the right to know who is caring for my child as the ex is getting a baby sitter and just wondered were i stand on the situation as i am working on this day and carnt have him
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Sep 2016
You can request to have a conversation with your ex's new partner directly, but he/they are not legally bound and are well within their rights to refuse.
hannahsdad 12 Sep 2016
Can i legally ask to speak to my ex's new partner before she and my 13 yr old daughter move in with him? We have separated for 4 yrs approx but not divorced.
hannahsdad 12 Sep 2016
I have been separated from my wife for approximately four years, not yet divorced. I have recently been released from prison. My wife informed me that she has a new partner of 18mths and is making plans to move into his house with my 13yr old daughter. I have expressed my concearns about this incase the relationship doesnt work out and she and my daughter become homeless. I have also asked to meet her partner but she has refused to let me have any contact with him or know exactly when they will be moving in. Can i legally persue this and would be possible to have a police check carried out on him?
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Sep 2016
You can see how much you should be paying via the CMS calculator here which is always a good benchmark.
Andy 7 Sep 2016
I have been separated from my ex for 3 years and am now married to someone else since separation i have had the 2 kids for 2 weeks nights sleeping and alternative weekends i pay the kids lunch money every week and buy them clothes when i see fit or when i can afford it im working full time but on min wages this is not good enough for my ex she seems to think i should be paying more even though i have them half the time take them on holidays and dont claim any benefits as dont think im entitled this is causing alot of stress for all parties i need some help and advice please
Toots 4 Sep 2016
Hi I'm writing on behalf of my partner. He left his now ex wife 3 years ago after a very volatile and controlling relationship. At the end of their relationship he retaliated during one of the rows and was done for abuse. I don't agree with abuse but he'd been constantly abused by her throughout the 8 years they were together. His ex now dictates everything.. from what car he drives, what roads he uses, where he can take his daughter and even where he keeps his kitchen knives. She undermines everything he says and treats him like a child. If he goes against her she threatens to leave the area so he'll never find his daughter again. He pays above and beyond in maintenance and even pays part of the exes rent. It went to court 3 years ago and the ex played the victim part very well and court ruled contact with his child but at a pace his ex was comfortable with. It's taken 3 years for him to be able to have his daughter for an over night stay and he still cannot take his child put without her agreeing to where they go. It's come to a head recently as the ex stopped contact because my partner changed a social media picture to one of myself and him. My partner is so very scared of losing his daughter that he's playing by her rules, he now wants to stand up to her but what are his rights? They were married and he's on the birth certificate so has parental rights?
Me 3 Sep 2016
We was going through court with social services and I went to jail about 6 years ago so never got to see the outcome however my ex tole me they stripped me of my rights which I have never been told officially/by letter? Could this be true? I now see my children 3 times a week however do not have no say and I cannot even support them on there disagreements she just picks them up straight away. Does anyone have any information support to help me. I have been advised to phone the social services and ask if they did take my rights. Thank you
Chris 26 Aug 2016
Hi.I have been divorced for more than 3 years now .I have 2 kids. We had agreement between me and my ex-wife to keep my kids 1 nights and because I paid her all her almoney in our custom which I could ,not to pay and left every things for her and my kids and moved out just with my clothes. She agreed to don't claim any things in future and now after I got my council house I have my kids 1 nights a week and some night at weekends when she goes out.now she started to changing her mind and asked me to keep kids 2 nights a week and if not she dosent let me to see them.I can't stop my job at the moment and applied for taxi to work more and have my kids 2 nights a week but she says can't wait to take my taxi badge and I have to reduce my job now which is to difficult for me or she takes me to court and doesnt let me to see them.my question is can I see my kids one night a week or by law I have to keep them 2 nights?she says law doesn't let you to see them 1 night if mum is not happy.
Scotty 25 Aug 2016
I need help,, I have 2 children 4 and 5,,, I am on the birth certificate,,, I have took legal advise rang ss and had police involed,, my ex was underwing the influenance of drugs and alcohol whilst caring for my children I ran ss who told me to take my children and report it to the police she gave me the children, I had to leave my job to care for my children and sell my car so I had money for them, whist at the park she took and ran with my little girl I rang police who found her many many hours later who said she was okay to look after my girl I still have my little boy I have made many steps to try and contact her as before this she was going to sign my boy over to me,, I am at a loss I have no income at all I have rang jc but because I had to leave work I am not untitled to any money she is still claiming for my son so I can't and now I also have no way to pay the rent either, I am scared I am going to lose my boy and house he doesn't want to go back to his mams and I have been to citizens advise twice no help rang ss many times they won't help and the police surely someone can help me
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Aug 2016
I can only suggest your friend takes legal advice. If his ex will not assist your friend is applying for a DNA test, he would have to apply through the courts. If he thinks he is the father and believes his ex, then he can apply for access either through mediation, or if his ex refuses to attend he would have to apply to court.
K 25 Aug 2016
My ex wife used to bring my daughter out so i could see her but now she has stopped. She wants me to visit my daughter in her house but i don't want to go there as she's living with her parents and family and it's too embarrassing for me to go to her house as we're divorced now. My daughter is just four, she cannot come out and see me without her mother. I haven't seen my daughter for months now. I want her to bring my daughter out to a public place or my flat the way she did before. Is there anything i can do about it?
andi 23 Aug 2016
my x has stopped me seeing my boys I have pa and the resion is my girlfriend she says she's a danger to my boys even though my youngest ask to see her my girlfriend is qualified in child care and used to teach in primary school so I don't understand this has she any right to do this as she wants me sign a form to say I wount take them any where her
JMB 23 Aug 2016
It's been a year since my boyfriend's daughter moved to Wales with her mum and her partner. As you can imagine, it was very upsetting at the time but we see her every other weekend and things have been going okay, but last weekend my boyfriend's ex told him that she only wanted him to see his daughter every 3 weeks, rather than every 2, as she has to really concentrate at school etc. We did have a conversation with his daughter at the weekend and she is happy with things as they are at the moment but we're worried that she isn't going to convey this to her mum (she's 8). If this does happen, we will only see her once a month and I just wondered if there was anything we could do?
claire 20 Aug 2016
Hi my friend is going through a problem at the moment with his ex girlfriend she has his son and only really lets him be a father when it suits her she's let him see his son before in the past and even recently let him have him over night but when she doesn't get her own way or is in a realationship tells him he isnt seeing him the problem is my friends name isnt on the birth certificate he wants to take it to court so he can see his son without her keep stopping it another problem is she might not do a DNA to prove he's the father but he has messages from her when she's been nice proving he's the father and that's she has bring his son to see him and stay the night what advice could be given so he can get to see his soon without her always stopping it with no good reason
Robson 18 Aug 2016
I'm going through a separation with my girlfriend and she is pregnant. I'm absolutely devastated as I want to be a dad to my unborn. What are my rights?
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Aug 2016
If you are married to your wife and not divorced and she with someone else (I assume she is not re-married as this would be bigamous), then I'm afraid your only option would be to either suggest mediation to your ex in order to try and resolve the matter out of court, or apply for contact/access to your son through the courts.
mwass 17 Aug 2016
I have been married for almost 4years and we got a baby boy,I left the country for one year to look for green pastures,and I was still responsible for the family financialy after coming back she was married to another man,I called my wife asking to see my son she switch off the phone I called later man pick the phone and wone me, not to distab his wife.later i see hime posting picture of my ex wife on facebook and she is pregnant ,what should I do,I want my son.
Lucy 16 Aug 2016
I dropped My daughter off at her dads for a few weeks break in the summer holidays and she has now decided she wants to live there. she is 16 can i just go and get her legally and bring her home ?
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Aug 2016
I am sorry to hear this. If you have raised your son as your own then you should have a case to take the matter to court and apply for access. However, you would have to seek legal advice regarding this due to the complexity of the situation.
Sas 16 Aug 2016
Split from my ex 3 years ago. She has a child from a previous relationship. I raised the boy from birth as my own son. He is now 10 years old and knows only myself as dad. As far as he is aware I am his biological father. On mutual agreement I have paid maintenance to my ex every single week. We have recently had a fall out and she is now threatening to take away my contact with him. I know as I am not his biological father I have very few rights, however as I have stated, he believes I am his dad, he calls me dad and in all honesty I have been his dad from almost birth. Please help me
Eze 12 Aug 2016
Why can't I register without it saying I'm a spammed? . Pls help
Helpless sis 12 Aug 2016
Help please! My brother and his wife split up 4 months ago. The children have been living with him (their father) in the family home. She left and has moved in to another house. She now suddenly wants to take the children and has told him she wants the children mo day to Friday. He is devastated. Neither of them can afford court and she won't go to a mediator saying she has the right to take the children. Please please advise.
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Aug 2016
You cannot be taken off the birth certificate. If you want more access to your child and your ex will not negotiate, then you should in the first instance suggest mediation. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. Mediation is the process to explore before you contemplate taking the matter to court. Before you suggest mediation you may wish to take some legal advice also in order to explore your options. The fact you pay maintenence has no bearing on whether you see your child or not, it is a separate issue and you have a responsiblity to pay regular child maintenance for your child by law. If your ex refuses mediation then you will have to take the matter to court in order to apply for more access to your child. The court does want fathers to have a good relationship with their children and therefore you have nothing to lose by taking the matter further, especially if you are not seeing your child regularly. If you cannot afford the hefty legal fees that a solicitor can offer, you can self-litigate which will dramatically cut down the costs.
RL 8 Aug 2016
Ive got a 8 month old daughter who ive see 3 times since she was born, because the acess has been on my ex's terms or no terms i am asking every week to see her when am home as i work away during the week, she thinks i will try to abduct her and not return her if i have her on my own for the day and i dont know what i can do i pay her matainence every month without fail even if it means i dont pay 1 bill for a month, have i any rights as a farther if she took me of the birth certificate?
Diamond1 6 Aug 2016
Hi, my partner broke up from his girlfriend 2 years ago he has a 3 yr old with her. He is a dutiful dad pays maintenance regularly and sees her daily if possible. I came on the scene as the first girlfriend since they broke up and now she says she won't let him have access unless there is some supervision. She won't let him take the kid to see his family or family birthday functions, he is only allowed to see her at her house or the park opposite. Eventually he wants to have her overnight once a week but seems like we won't get there and she is really unreasonable regarding access and now says his visits need to be supervised because of me. I've done nothing wing and am an upstanding citizen! Pls advise this is getting messy.
martininhull 4 Aug 2016
i split with my wife about four months ago and have taken it really hard i have had no contact up un till yesterday when my other son from a previous relationship took down some clothes i had bought for my son i have since asked about access to my son and have been told i dont know my son and have now right to be in his life he is 2 and a half years old what do i do please
Chucks 2 Aug 2016
In need of some answers! Friend of mine, split with his ex over a year ago! They had a joint agreement with him seeing his daughter regular basis, now he has got into a recent relationship she has decided to go round and say he is a bad dad etc! He is worried what affect its having on his daughter because they saw each other every weekend and also some week days now it's completely stopped! Is courts the only help blokes recieve? She seems to be able to ring Csa take money of him, which he doesn't mind paying but he wants contact yet no one seems interested in helping him seeing his daughter unless he goes through court! Surely there should be other ways for him to have his right back! They was married, he is on the birth certificate, she is preg and moved on with someone else who happens to smoke weed aswell which he is concerned about! Doesn't want that around her, if he you do it go else where!
Babs 2 Aug 2016
Need advice for a friend. He and his ex girlfriend seperated before the birth of their son, she allowed him access to his child for a couple of months and then stopped his contact with the child and moved house and phone number so he cant contact her. He has now found out off her mother that his name is not on the birth certificate her new partner who she moved in with before their son was born is. He is heartbroken and just wants to see his son is there anything he can do to gain access?
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Aug 2016
He can apply to take you to court. But, it doesn't necessarily mean he will win. The court will take into account what it thinks is in the best interests of your child and make a decision based upon this. Whether that is supervised or supervised leading to unsupervised access is impossible to predict. However, if you are not denying him access to see his child and he is refusing it, then the court will take this into account when making its decision.
Mummyyy 1 Aug 2016
I've allowed my babies dad access to her in my home as she is only 6 weeks old and to young to be away from me, and he doesn't have a propa bond or know her properly as he hasn't spend much time with her even while living here .. If I'm allowing him access to her in my home and he's refusing he can't take me to court can he? Advise please
SeparatedDads Editor 1 Aug 2016
You should be able to distance yourself from this if you were not part of the agreement and your ex took the children without your consent and especially if you are living apart. I suggest taking some legal advice here. A solicitor's letter to the council may do the trick.
H 31 Jul 2016
Does the father of a child have any right to take children on holiday abroad if there is no risk of abduction?
tricky 31 Jul 2016
Hi i am being fined by the council for my wife (in process of divorce) for taking my kids on holiday during school time? is there any one who has contested this in court and how did they get on? I feel aggrieved that i have to pay so she can save and take kids out of school without my consent. kids live with their mother.
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Jul 2016
You can see everything you need to know via the CMS link here and or speak to the CMS directly about this, as much depends upon his your ex's situation and the amount he is earning.
Coldon 26 Jul 2016
Hello my ex has stopped paying our agreed child support. They say they don't have to because they are at uni studying but also works at a work base placement earning but still says they won't pay some advice is needed please
Scarface 25 Jul 2016
Hiya just like some advice been fighting to see my children for over 2 years now I just found out through Facebook that my xs husband is smoking cannabis round our children just like some advice I taking her bk to court for enforcement order but it seems the mother can do what she like s
Tedd 25 Jul 2016
Me and my fiance recently split what rights do i have for acces to my 1 year old as she promised id get a call s night and havnt had many she's hid them from me to the point i attempted suicide and was put in a mental hospital. Now I'd just love a few days with him which she says is fine as long as i get something saying i had to bring him back to her which was fine with me but she already has a new boyfriend we don't get along at all which im worried about him with my son and i fear for his safety at her mother's with the domestic violence between the two in front of the kids my boys seen their grandmother spit and swing multiple times at there mum which i fear taking him back if I get him what should i do? I can't sign an agreement while ever i have these fears but it's the only way she will let me take him :/ surely there's something i can do to make things right and get to see him he's the only reason im alive today and im getting shut out of his life
Alf 23 Jul 2016
My son has a residency order mum has refused to return the kids.what can we do
Alf 23 Jul 2016
My son has a residency order the kids see mum Friday to Sunday then a week with her a week with dad.shes refused to hand the children back.what can we do
ABC12 23 Jul 2016
I have been with my partner for over a year, we live together and recently got engaged. I have a 5 year old son from my previous marriage. (My son was born after we married and my name on the birth certificate so I know I have parental responsibility). The majority of the time me and my ex are civil to each other as our marriage did not end on bad terms. I work full time and she part time. At the moment she lives ten minutes away from me, my son's school is a short walk up the road and we have an agreement (between us but not in writing or though mediation) that I have my son every Wednesday and Friday night and all day Saturday and one Saturday night a month. (This is a recent arrangement that we have put in place). He also stays at my parents house every Sunday so effectively he only stays at his mothers (he doesn't call it home) Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and some Saturday nights. Myself and my mum also take my son to school and pick him up on Mondays and Wednesday as my ex works miles away from the town we all live in so she cannot do the school runs on these days. My new partner also helps alot and looks after my son on a regular basis and they get on great. My ex has always taken advantage of other people (her family and friends included) by having people babysit our son and even her own sister has commented to me that she is always "palming our son off on everyone else". When I do have him and arrange a time to drop him off at home she will often text me and ask me to have him longer or change the arrangements at the last moment and want me to pick him up earlier than planned. She really looks like she has no interest in our son whatsoever. She has a new partner who she has been with for a few months and he is clearly her main priority as she is asking myself and her family to look after him on Saturday nights as well, so for example some weekends I pick him up on a Friday and she doesn't see him again until she gets in from work on a Monday evening, during this time she never rings to speak to him or texts to see how he is. My son is always asking where he is sleeping each night and doesn't call anywhere home. My ex has now told me that she is planning on moving about half an hour away nearer to her family and partner as she is not happy where she is. She is moving my son to another school and will not commit to sticking to the current agreement we have in place. (My is not aware of any of this and will not be happy when he finds out). Is there anything I can do to get my ex to stick to the agreement we already have? I believe he would be much better off living with me and my partner having a stable home life, staying at the same school, being near the family he sees all the time and having a proper routine. From the research I have done I know this is highly unlikely to happen as my ex would not give him up and a court is unlikely to agree to this as even though he is not at her house/home everyday I am guessing she is still classed a
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Jul 2016
You would have to seek legal advice regarding this. However, it is very rare the courts would take a child from the resident-parent and hand him to the non-resident parent unless absolutely necessary.
Joda 22 Jul 2016
Im here on behalf of my other half, his ex upped and left with his son who was about 6 at the time,he is now 14, no matter how hard hes tried he cannot find them, is there any legal action we can take so he can see his son? Not necessarily get custody but just some access. Any help would be greatly appreciated, many thanks
Jeffers 20 Jul 2016
I have just split with my partner I really want my son full time but she won't allow this even tho she works full time and I work part time, she has always been very controlling with me as in won't let me go have a drink with my dad or even see my mates, I lost contact with my family because of her and she always claimed I was to blame for her depression and anxiety when it started to get bad, I had concerns for my sons health and safety as she has been violent towards me in the past she has hit me while I have been trying to sleep and has even woken me up to have a go at me for no reason other than she feels like crap, she has never cleaned his bottles and rarely cleans the house our son is nearly a year old and I want him full time what would the courts say about this situation
rob8030 20 Jul 2016
Hi my wife moved out and took the kids after an argument. she wound me up and i punched the wall in front of them. I immediatly went to get help for this as i have ptsd from afghanistan. My wife hasnt filed for divorce yet but is saying i can only see the kids when it suits her and she has to be present. What rights do i have as she hasnt yet got anything legal in place
Bob 20 Jul 2016
My child is 6 years old and does not wanna come stay at my house on the weekends and my ex keeps sayibg its her choice but she is only 6 years old how is that her choice where so i stand with this
RGK 15 Jul 2016
I split from my ex partner after a 12 month relationship. During that time she became pregnant which we had planned. During the pregnancy i was forced to leave. Now our daughter is 11 weeks old and i only saw her Wednesday just gone.....my ex contacted me to arrange this meeting And i was so happy as i had lost all contact other than email. During the contact which was in a public place with witnesses i asked for further contact. My ex said that she didn't believe than either her or I was ready for me to be my daughters Dad. So CE this was the first meeting i just went along with it. As they were leaving i asked my ex to contact me when another contact with my daughter could be arranged. She said that the summer holidays were next week so perhaps after that. Again i accepted this and they left. On returning home very upset i sent her a text pleading for her to reconsider the length of time. She replied that they were going on holiday for 3/4 weeks. I replied stating this was something she could have mentioned. She replied that she believes she did me a favour and that my message has now made her reconsider whether or not the contact was a good idea and has now ceased contact. My daughter was born and my ex partner did not even tell me. I found out through another party. I know her first and second names but have no idea what her surname is or uf my ex partner has named me as the father in the birth certificate. Since i may no parental rights whatsoever i thought that my ex partner wanting our daughter to have a Dad was the only way. My ex partner has 3 other children with another mm and she is in full custody with a court made contact order where the Fad sees them every other weekend. She seems to be well aware of the legal system and has years of experience. I just don't even know where to start to get any parental rights. Any advice appreciated. Thanks.
Redd 14 Jul 2016
I've been separated a year now from my former partner. My daughter's 17 and 13 live with her in our house which I half own and still pay half the mortgage as well as my own rent. Because she has always been controlling with me and the kids they have chosen not to see me or even text. The girls refuse contact which hurts. I've tried everything to see them but they don't want to know. We lived at home separated for the sake of the kids but arguments got so bad I had to leave because she refused to be civil. I want to remortgage her buy me out or sell to move on and start my own life but she refuses all options. Even now she controls my life. Expects me to pay half the mortgage and my rent/bills. I suggested waiting until my youngest is 18 to deal with the house but she won't budge. Since work cut hours I'm struggling. Don't know what to do. Where to turn. I could risk losing the girls forever if I take control and get tough by stopping my share of the mortgage
Dave 11 Jul 2016
I have my daughter every other weekend extra days in holidays etc, we went to court and arranged this a couple of months ago, my daughter lived with me for a short period before this. My daughters mother has told me that she is sticking to the court agreement, until she asked me a week ago to take her on holiday on my weekend (in 2 weeks time) I agreed as she also that she would be flexible for me to be able to take her away another date, I have given her dates for me to take her away and she is refusing them. Can I take my weekend back off of her to take her away or because it's mutually agreed between us I have to still let her have her? Thanks
bungle 8 Jul 2016
Hi i need some advice, My 14 & 9 year old children were placed with me and my partner by social services 2 years ago (having been taken off their mother) i was wondering what parental rights i have to them as they have been living with us for the full 2 years and i am on the birth certs. Many thanks
knockerned 7 Jul 2016
The mother of my 3 children ended contact between me and my children on December 14th 2013, which was the last day I held them and said goodbye. During a three year period from April 2011, she stopped contact for no valid reason and my children and contact suffered as a result. She used every tool in the book to blacken my name with my children and the courts just to hurt me for leaving the marriage for the benefit of my children. The relationship was untenable and had to be ended for their sake, as no parent was to stay in fractious situation that could cause mental harm to their child. I chose to stay away for the benefit of my children's mental and emotional stability and welfare. I have paid maintenance since the day I left after setting the claim up with the CSA due to lack of trust of my ex-partner. Can anyone tell me am I wrong for staying out of their lives till this day or am I doing the right thing in the long run. I still send birthday cards and Christmas cards, but don't send money as I know my ex-partner would confiscate the money from the children. I've been saving as much as possible every month for 2 years in order for them to have something from me when they reach the agent when they can appreciate the value of money. I need views and opinions on my situation as I'm contemplating reverting back to the courts for a contact order for my children. 2.5 years is a long time and would the courts look bad on me for staying away for such a long time.
Pongo 6 Jul 2016
The mother of my son who is 8yrs of age will not let me pick my boy up from school. Only her mother is allowed she claims. I love my boy and he loves me too and when sometimes it's my weekend to have him she takes him away for short breaks so I cannot see him. Also the surname was put in hers at birth and will not change it due to her lost father had threatened her to do so with the surname. Thankyou
Lee 6 Jul 2016
Hi. I have a question. My ex and I have an agreement in place for me to see my 2yr old daughter but if for some reason I need to change my days or skip a day due to work commitments or family issues, she refuses stating we have an agreement. Yet if she needs to change or alter the arrangements, I have to give way or she denies me access to my daughter. What legal option do I have? Please help
Anthony 5 Jul 2016
Hello, I am a father to 2 children, the youngest is biologically mine, the eldest I have taken on as my own but have not gone through the courts as her father abandoned her years and years ago. I separated from the mother about 4 years ago, non married. And I have had the girls on a weekend on weekend off basis with the exception of every Sunday which I have them. I pay 200 every month which is more than I should through the cma and I have never missed a payment. The mother is abusive, threatening and can be violent towards myself. I protected her and her then child years ago from an abusive partner. Now the mother every time she doesn't get her own way threatens me by using the kids as a weapon, I am now moving half hour away and she is trying to pull that same card. I have kept every text for four years. Where should I turn to stop the harassment but also secure myself seeing my child? Also should I legally be paying towards childcare, if so how much? Many thanks, Anthony
Prettyboy 1 Jul 2016
I have split up with my 2 boys mum and i have been paying the mortgage in stead of maintenance for the last 6 years i now what to come off the mortgage and just pay maintenance money will she have to give me half of the value of the house to buy my half
SeparatedDads Editor 1 Jul 2016
It is never acceptable to send abusive texts and if the matter goes to court then these should be kept as evidence, so should any evidence that his ex is being awkward when it comes to making arrangements. As stated in my reply, it would be much easier to negotiate any agreement between you all as parents, but if this is impossible then mediation is the next stop and if the situation can't be resolved through this method then the only other option would be for one party to take the matter to court for a resolution. If your partner is not registered on the birth certificate and he does not have parental responsibility, then he could apply for this through court, as until then he has 'no' legal rights as such. However, any access arrangement decide through court means there can be no unilateral change in the arrangements either way unless agreed by both parties. I agree it is a difficult situation and I can only suggest your partner suggests mediation and hope the situation can be resolved this way.
nats 1 Jul 2016
thanks for getting back to me. I think you misunderstood what I was saying though. We would like nothing more than to share parenting responsibilities for my partners daughters. But his ex dictates when this is possible. It has to be her way, or no way...She refuses point blank to put his name on the birth certificate and when he has asked for her to do so, she threatens to stop the children from seeing him. My point was that she holds all the cards.... is this fair? Also, are you saying its perfectly acceptable for her to send us abusive texts????
nats 29 Jun 2016
Hi, I'm after some advice. We have my partners daughters every weekend from Friday to Sunday evening, work permitted we have them for tea one day a week. Also we have them for a week or more in most school holidays. I also have a son myself who lives with us full time. Recently my partners ex has started demanding we have them more, and doesn't accept that once or twice a year we may have a special occasion to go to on a weekend and are unable to have his daughter's. My partner works full time and works many weekends, I am more than happy to look after the children when this is the case. But now his ex wants me to do it in the week too. Also, our children go to different schools so it is impossible for me to do all the school runs. His ex just says it's our problem and we have to deal with it. We often get extremely abusive txts from her. She doesn't work, but still expects my partner (who works full time) or myself to do so much. Is all this acceptable? Is it realistic of her to expect this? Thanks in advance.
fathertobe 24 Jun 2016
hi my girlfriend at the moment is pregnant she has already given up a child to care we have seperated and she is now saying that our child is going to stay at her mum and dads with her she hasnt got anything for the baby i have bought everything for the baby what the baby will need she doesnt have the finances to support herself never mind a child i just want to know my rights to have full custody of the child so the child is looked after and cared for properly as a father i just want to know my rights and how i can go ahead and get full custody
Jonnyboy 22 Jun 2016
Hi I am currently being denied access as I am in a new relationship I have never been in a relationship with the mother of my child yet she won't allow me to have overnight access as I live with my girlfriend. My girlfriend is currently pregnant and would stay out on the nights I would potentially have my daughter. The mother still refuses to allow me to have her even though I have been committed to my daughter throughout her life and pay for everything. Do I have any rights and what should I do?
Big Sis 21 Jun 2016
Hi I am after some advice please. My brother and his ex (they were never married) split up 3 years ago in that time he has gone from being allowed to have his son every other weekend to stay over, to now being denied access at all. His ex wouldn't put his name on the birth certificate, he does pay money through the CSA. How can help get some contact with his son he's close to breaking point about not seeing him.
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Jun 2016
In this instance, I can only suggest you seek legal advice to see what your best options are regarding taking the matter to court to apply for access.
crouchyparr21 20 Jun 2016
hi im after abit of advice 2 years ago i had an affair and left my family home i have 2 children with ex partner a boy of 5 and a girl of 3 my ex was letting me see the kids every sunday for 6 hours which i diddnt complain about because i was still getting to see them i pay child maintenance 496 amonth she fabricated a story up against me on domestic violence which i proved in court i hadnt done anything then she went to family court and lied to get an injuction against me i havent broken the injuction but she still will not let me see the kids what do i do 2 years is along time and they are growing up fast
Ruth 19 Jun 2016
I have a one year old of which I encouraged a relationship with him and his father. I pretty much did all of the leg work to and from different cities in order for them to have a relationship. I am against keeping child from father but What happens in the situation the Father is not fit too look after child. Has a short temper and creates hostile environment for the mother to leaver her child at the age of one completely in their own with father who hasn't made the effort to know child. Father doesn't like crying and has anger issues what is his rights if the mom is protecting the child.
adambibby 17 Jun 2016
hello I would like to know what line of action I can take in order to see my son me and my sons mother split uo before he was born and she alledged I assaulted her and I got a nfa at court and it was all thrown out on the other hand I was issued to a restraining order stating I wasn't aloud nere my ex partner even though im innocent she refuses to let me see him and from time to time allows contact and stops it she will not allow me to be on the birth certificate and now will allow no contact what so ever what can I do to see my son and be placed on his birth certificate I am struggling now as im being told there is no legal aid for people out of work please help me with some advice thank you adam
Tania 17 Jun 2016
Me and my ex separated recently and he was having the children (we have 2...a boy 4 years old a girl 3 years old) 1 night per weekend. He now said that is too much!!! He wants to have them every second weekend. At their ages this just doesn't seem right to me that he will only see them every 2 weeks? Do i have any legal rights to tell him this is unfair on them and me and that contact should be weekly with at least 2 overnight stays?NOT
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Jun 2016
I am sorry to hear this. The best way to get to see your kids is via court. If you cannot afford legal fees, you can self-litigate, Cafcass would get involved and because your children are older their opinion will be taken on board
Christine 16 Jun 2016
I left my partner after he'd been cheating on my for 11 years with me next door neighbour ,the kids then 12 an half an 15 wanted to stay cause of school,the ex promptly moved next door with my kids ,it's not a good environment for them ,the women is cruel to my kids ,I talk to my 17 year old via media when I can ur my so now 14 I've not had contact for 12 months ,I'm being stopped from chatting to my kids ,my daughter wants to see me but is prevented by her dad am that women ,I've not seen my kids for 12 months now ,not for the want of trying ,my house is empty an they've sold all the furniture ,I pay child maintaince how can I get to see my kids it's killing me help
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Jun 2016
As we are a UK-based site, I'm afraid we can only advise on UK-based family law
Selina 15 Jun 2016
I have a friend that is married to his spouse. They've been married for 3 years and have a 1 year old together. She up and decided to leave him for someone else - so they're not together, but not divorced either. Theread is no actual custody agreement in place, but yet - she holds the child over him like ransom and won't let him have anytime with him... We're fixing to go on vacation and I would very much like to invite him to bring his son along to spend time with him in a relaxed situation - however, it'd be out of state... Is he within his parental rights to travel with his son to another state for 7 days without her approval?
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Jun 2016
Even if your partner is not on the birth certificate, he will have rights if he is the biological father and he chooses to take the matter to court. I suggest he seeks legal advice to explore his options. Please also see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. I hope this helps.
Abs 13 Jun 2016
Hiya, my parter and his ex split a couple of mouths ago, and he is wanting to see his son! She is stopping him from seeing his son and it's not fair on them both... They are both missing out on time together! He wanted to go to court, and she has told him he doesn't have rights becuase he is in the birth certificate! Is this true or does he still have as much rights as her? Thankyou x
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Jun 2016
I am sorry to hear this and it always seems so unfair, especially when non-resident parents just want to be good parents to their kids. This is a comment we get quite a lot and it's always a tricky one to answer especially as you do have reasonable access to your child. With regards to custody; it is rare that the courts would take a child from the resident parent without very good reason such as neglect, child abuse, or if the resident parent cannot physically look after your child through chronic drug or alcohol abuse. The courts will always opt for what it thinks is in the best interests of your child and the continuation of the child's stability is given a high priority. It is unlikely a court would hear your case either if you have access already. The court is only used for last-resort situations. It would expect you to explore mediation first in order to sort out any issues with your ex, please see: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If at any point you think there is a 'real' threat your ex may move away without your authorisation (if you have PR) you can apply through the courts for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. In addition, trying to build an amicable relationship with your ex is always the best way to gain greater trust and therefore access with your child, Don't bombard her with texts or demands, but perhaps ask her if there is a better way you can develop better communications between you. I hope this helps.
RHMDK 8 Jun 2016
My partner and i split over a year ago. In that time i have been nothing but consistent. I have my son every weekend, a week in the 6 week holidays, week at christmas and the October half term too. I have asked that i have him every weekend but he stay over every other and she said no. However, On the weekends i don't have him, She has her friends looking after him and she goes out. She calls me at a days notice and says she is going away with him for a week and that i can't see him. She often puts him in clothes that are too big and unironed, rarely does his hair. I pay full maintenence each month, plus his nursery fees and his clothing and haircuts. She keeps threatening to move 400 miles away with him, Refuses to answer my calls or respond to texts when all i want to do is speak to my son. What are my rights in obtaining full custod and letting her have him every weekend? I don't want any maintenence from her, All i want is my son. It's heart breaking as my son is the only thing that ever matters to me. He is my best friend and Daddie's boy too. I'd understand if there was violence or fear or provocation of in our relationship but there wasn't. I don't drink, Don't smoke, nothing.
Elle 7 Jun 2016
My ex who on birth certificate of my 3yr old girl took me to court last week. We not been in touch for two years since he stopped having her overnight due to few reasons including being tired at nursery. We both agreed on that but instead of swapping days he stopped altogether. After this he used to visit our home unexpectedly turn up unannounced or stay hours. I reduced this to an hour, as it was only while waiting for neighbour to come home to smoke cannabis. My daughter used to either come back saturated in pushchair due to unchanged nappies, or hungry. Eating too fast.... hospital issues -rushed through emergency. He failed to attend hospital, once out of 6 episodes where he made effort. I like it he not tried any effort whatsoever in 2yrs but coz he took me to court. Apparently not good enough reasons in the courts eyes. I stand by my reasons. I think personally it was in best interest of my daughter. As classed as neglect in my eyes. He has 2 kids from previous, not seen for 4yrs and not tried to either. How can this stand up in court? Should I of contacted social services, due to neglect. Do I in future?
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jun 2016
You can either discuss suitable arrangements between you and if you can't agree suggest mediation, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If your ex refuses to attend mediation and/or the matter remains unresolved after the sessions, then your last option would be to take the matter to court and apply for a contact order. The court does want fathers to have a relationship with their children, so it will try to find a way to help you have suitable contact with your son. I hope this helps.
Sweetheart 6 Jun 2016
Fathers rights is a joke there's probably abt 10% of fathers prepared to fight for there children the other 90% are reproducing getting government funding to sit in pubs socialite with any1 but there children, mothers can not force children on the fathers even tho children want to but fathers are waste men getting money handed to them for being a waste man , I'm am seriously annoyed reading and hearing abt fathers rights when it is a small minority.my children's dad will not have because I don't want him in a relationship and insist he not ready it's being 2 yrs now and children are not happy don't understand maybe should talk about CHILDRENS RIGHTS as my kids want there dad but he won't bother !!!
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jun 2016
We can't say whether you are being too demanding and in simple terms no. However, if your ex feels you are, then you will have to take her opinion on board. It is always very difficult in the first few months of a couple splitting up as you are both adjusting to your new parenting roles. Often the resident parent can feel insecure about letting your children stay with you overnight as the whole situation is unfamiliar to them, as well as your children too. I can only advise that you take things slowly and try to avoid confontation if you can. A new routine will fall naturally into place the more you begin to accustom yourself to your new situation. If you have a good relationship with your ex then you can begin to work together towards what you both think is best for your children. It really is far easier to approach matters this way than to begin to argue over issues concerning your children as it hurts and affects both them and you. The fact you have your child one night a week may not be ideal, but it is an OK start that will hopefully improve and develop positively once your relationship begins to find its new feet.
Ariel 5 Jun 2016
I have a six year old son with my ex and she refuses to let me visit him at her house. I do not have means for my son to stay overnight with me but i would like to be part of his life. Please advise.
Lummy 5 Jun 2016
Hi i split up from my wife about two month ago and have a 1 year old and a 4 year old and I currently just get my 4 year old sleeping over one night a week and was after 2 nights a week as I only live 10 mins away from my wife as were still not divorced am I being to demanding
Lee 4 Jun 2016
I'm looking for advice. My partner took my child swimming one day and basicly never came back after a very difficult period we agreed for me to have my son one day aweek. After an argument regarding our son she stopped me seeing him this was 4 weeks ago.t hen 2 days ago I received a letter from a solicter saying that my ex partner would only let me see my son at a contact centre every other Saturday at a cost of £35.00.she has said she has suffered harassment from my self and i have not paid towards my son's up keep both are Fabrication's. I do find it unacceptable that I should have to see my son in this way. Since I have not seen my son it has effected my health and work life due the the stress and missing my son. Please advice me what I can do as really want to avoid the courts as don't want my child in the middle of this.
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Jun 2016
I am sorry to hear this and the fact you are able to keep things rational and on a level in what is an obvious difficult situation is all power to you. When couples first separate hurtful things can be said and actions taken, which are all teething problems that occur while both parents are trying to re-adjust. The parent seemingly with the 'power' (i.e full-time care of the children) can also find the ammunition in this to be as awkward as they possibly can. But rather than rise to the bait it is sometimes better to work around it. You don't say much about your financial situation, but if your ex will not agree to you staying, could you afford to take your children away camping for the odd weekend while the weather is fair? Or have your children one at a time at your mothers and give them 'quality' time? Rather than pushing the issue with your ex and inflaming the situation, be resourceful and find an alternative way around the issue if you can. If your ex doesn't wish to communicate, then make communication as minimal as possible. You are taking the right approach by keeping a rational head. As your kids are now teenagers, you are in a better position as they can make some decisions themselves. The article Developing an Amicable Relationship With Your Ex, heremay help as will Using Reverse Psychology Effectively, here . Our Separated Dads Forum may also be of use. Keep reading and educating yourself and I'm sure the situation will resolve itself if your're willing to think outside the box. Good luck.
PJ 1 Jun 2016
Firstly, thanks for your website. I am still reeling from a days old separation and the reality that I'm now going to be living away from my 3 teenage kids. I spent a day of half term with them today, convinced I would be compelled to criticise their mother in some way. Your site gave me the perspective to take the high moral ground after probably the worst few of days of my life. I need some advice please. My wife is rather neurotic and seems determined to punish me for, well, being me. I have moved in with my 78 yr old mum, my wife (who has no family) is in our house with kids. They now know that a divorce will happen. I suggested to my wife that, until finances etc are resolved, I see my kids every other wkend and stay over Sat night while she makes herself scarce and maybe stays with a friend. (Not really room at my mums and they are in exam seaon which i dont want to disrupt.) She has told the children that I could see them every other Saturday day but since, unlike me, she has nowhere to go, she won't stay away. I am not happy to go from seeing them every night to none at all. I left at her request and after she told me some hateful things about what she and her friends think of me. I know it's early days but I have contacted her to suggest ways to mediate towards divorce and to agree fair access to my kids. She has ignored these despite me asking that we be amicable and don't use kids as go between. I am prepared to accept that she may find it hard to stay away 1 night a fortnight but she seems to have no sympathy for my situation. I could insist that i sleepover there every other Sat and ask her to keep a low profile. Bad idea?? Otherwise I may manage to get 1 (or 2 if lucky) of my 3 kids to stay a night at my mum's. I guess if she wants to be unreasonable in a bit stuffed!!
Maki 1 Jun 2016
My boyfriend want to take a child for three month n stay with him while his nt wrkng anymore bt wen he was working he used to maintein the chld now his not workng n m the one hu is workng n m workng far from home n i left my baby home so iwas asking is ok for him to take child for three month n the chld is only one year n six months expcly while his nt even workng?
SeparatedDads Editor 31 May 2016
If your husband only has his children every other weekend then it is unlikely a court would agree to joint custody, especially if there is no justifiable reason. If your husband wants to apply for time with his children at Christmas, then he should apply through the courts for a Specific Issue Order, If he wishes to apply for a more formal access arrangement, then I suggest he seeks legal advice about applying through the courts.
Wifey 31 May 2016
My husband and his ex wife have an informal custody agreement where he gets them every other weekend. She has had them the last two christmas' and promised that this coming Xmas it was his turn.she is now saying that he can't. Xmas actually falls on the weekend he would have had them. She has agreed to go to mediation but has already said he can't have them unless it is court ordered. I was wondering, does he have the same rights she does? She doesn't actually have full custody of them, she and my husband just agreed it was easier for them to stay there. Should we just go to court and go for joint custody? And is it expensive? And if there is an agreement during mediation, is it enforceable?
SeparatedDads Editor 31 May 2016
You would have to seek legal advice on this. Much would depend on the relationship your husband has with his child and what the courts think is in her best interests. There is nothing to say that living this way is wrong for the child, it's just different. If the child is being schooled and looked after properly and the courts are not concerend for the child's welfare, then it is unlikley to remove her from her mother. If your husband has a close relationship with his child and the courts finds his daughter is being neglected or not cared for properly then he may have a chance of obtaining a residence order. The court will always look at what is in the best interests of the child.
mommy#1 30 May 2016
My husband just got word that his ex and there 4 year old daughter are living out of a van by a lake they are homeless and his ex is jobless does he have a chance for custody of his daughter and how do we go about it?
mummy94 29 May 2016
Hi there. My daughters dad asked me if he could see our daughter on set days, Mondays, Fridays and Sundays. I agreed to this but he never sticks to it and always has an excuse. I find myself having to change my plans on different days to work around him as he isn't sticking to the arrangement. He hasn't shown up for two out of the three days this week but is now demanding that he comes for her and takes her to a friend's house tomorrow. My daughter is unwell at the moment and I wanted her to stay home with me as her dad doesn't know how to settle her and is very inexperienced in looking after her. He kicked off when I said I wanted her to stay home. What are his rights ? Am I as her mother allowed to decide where and when she goes? He hasn't given me a single penny for her for 9 weeks and is constantly letting her down. I've given him loads of chances and even after abusive texts have never stopped him from seeing her. What do I do ?
mummy94 28 May 2016
Hi there. My daughters dad asked me if he could see our daughter on set days, Mondays, Fridays and Sundays. I agreed to this but he never sticks to it and always has an excuse. I find myself having to change my plans on differrny days to work around him as he isn't sticking to the arrangement. He hasn't shown up for any of the three days this week but is now demanding that he comes for her and takes her to a friend's house tomorrow. My daughter is unwell at the moment and I wanted her to stay home with me as her dad doesn't know how to settle her and is very inexperienced in looking after her. He kicked off when I said I wanted her to stay home. What are his rights ? Am I as her mother allowed to decide where and when she goes? He hasn't given me a single penny for her for 9 weeks and is constantly letting her down. I've given him loads of chances and even after abusive texts have never stopped him from seeing her. What do I do ?
Mummy15 27 May 2016
Hi I need advise under certain circumstances my ex isn't allowed contact with my son for being drunk on a day of contact after we split this was my choice he takes drugs sells drugs and commits crime he will never always be there for my son if he doesn't see my son for 5yrs does the law still stand where he automatically gives up his parental responsibility thank you in advance
SeparatedDads Editor 27 May 2016
If your son has PR and he does not give his consent (his ex is obliged to ask) and/or he fears his ex may move without his consent, he can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. The court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of the child, his ex will have to try to convince the courts why it is and your son will have to try and convince the courts why it isn't. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 27 May 2016
I can only advise you to take the matter back to court again. The court will stop giving your ex chances if she is disobeying the court order for no reason as she is in contempt of court, please see link: here. This is the very time when you need to make sure the order is enforced.
happygirl66 26 May 2016
My son and his partner of nearly 7 years split up about 6 months ago. Their relationship was very volatile all the time. They have a 19 months old son together and she now lives 30 minute drive away. She is now saying she is moving away which would take us 2 1/2 hours driving (longer on public transport as my son doesn't drive). Does my son have any say in whether she can take his son so far away from him?
mick 26 May 2016
hi i have taking my ex to court 3 times now and always got contact with my son but she always breaks the court order after a few weeks last time the judge sent social services as my ex keeps failing to turn up at court again i won contact twice a week after letting me bound again with my son she has now stopped contact again the sad thing is my son stays with his nan 4 days a week and they live over the road from me when i see my son at the shops he asks why i have stopped coming to see him i dont want to tell him its his mum who stops me as i dont want to confuse him he is only 5 i feel i cant go to court again as the judge keeps giving her chance after chance and i get no were if i go back to court how hard will it be for me to try and get joint custody as i feel this is the only why i will get to see him i feel defeated
SeparatedDads Editor 26 May 2016
If you can't resolve an issue between you then Mediation may be the way forward for you, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me?
sarahjane 25 May 2016
I split up with my daughters ex nearly 3 years ago and he's been seeing his daughter since then but only on half days never all day and 1 night for tea each week depending on our schedules. well now he's now got a new partner and is becoming difficult wants her from 8.30am when she's not even awake at that time till late demanding when he's having her threatening me with legal action if I don't agree. also demanding that his new partner be involved which I don't agree with as my daughter has some learning difficulties. Any advice please help
jimjam 20 May 2016
Hello, I have a court order in place that states that I collect my two children (5 & 6 yrs old) from an address that isn't my ex's as she refuses to let me know where she is actually living with my children. It has not been a problem so far as she lives very near by to the address on the court order. But she is now intending on moving house again to a town that is around 10 miles away from this collection address. If she does this, and doesn't tell me her new address, is the court order collection address still enforceable? I am not willing to collect the children from a public car park as she is demanding.
loopi 20 May 2016
I split up with my childrens father 10 years ago , when she was 4 he was named as the father in 2001 on her birth certificate, He sees her once or twice a year if his family take her to visit him. He calls her 2 or 3 times a year if they remind him to do so. 1.. In the eyes of the law does he have any parental responsibility?? and 2.. if i died would she be placed with him if i wished her to go to live with my brother and put this in my will? thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 20 May 2016
Unless the parents have shared care then he would have to pay maintenence if his ex decided to go through the CMS, Otherwise, if they choose to make a family-based agreement then both parents can decide how they wish to arrange finances between themselves.
SeparatedDads Editor 20 May 2016
It would depend upon the reasons and if the court thought it was in the best interests of your child. You would have to apply for a Specific Issue Order through the courts
SeparatedDads Editor 20 May 2016
This is always a tricky question to answer as there is no real answer. Unfortunately, we live in an age were many people take drugs, some parents have chronic habits of class A drugs, some parents are alcoholics etc. However, if the Social Services or courts reacted to every parent who had a habit then there would be a crisis. Therefore, the courts can only work with what they have and will always decide what is in the best interests of the child. While living with a parent who smokes cannabis and bringing up a child in such an environment may not be ideal, it does not mean the child is not loved and cared for. Moving a child away from a familiar enviroment is also something the court tries to steer away from as it views stability and consistency as important. I can only suggest you sit down and speak to your ex directly about your concerns and try to come to an amicable arrangement regarding your son. Working it out together or via mediation is far easier than taking the situation to court. However, if you feel this is your only option then I suggest you seek legal advice. I hope this helps.
MSilva 20 May 2016
Hi my boyfriend is separated with his ex for 9 months and they have a 4 year girl together, we normally have her once or twice during the week and a night and a day during the weekend. His ex its receiving all the benefits from the girl. Does my boyfriend have to pay anything else to her as we have the kid 3/4 days a week
pete 19 May 2016
as I'm separated from my wife can stop certain people access to my kid i.e. father-in-law
geogg 19 May 2016
My partner and I have separated after 4 years. We have a 3 year old son. We moved away (5 hour drive) from my home town and away from my two children from my previous marriage who i pay maintenance for and go back and visit every other week. Now we have separated for a multitude of reasons I have no reason to be away from my other 2 children and I want custody of my 3 year old and have him live with me and able to see his brother and sister. I left as my partner takes drugs. I can't abide it even though it's only pot it's just not right in my view when there is a 3 year old in the house. I felt so strongly about this I begged her to stop but she wouldn't often calling me names etc. My argument was always do what you want outside the house orbit friends just not near my son. when my son was two I was working away and came home early. When I walked in the house their was pot everywhere and it stunk, she was smoking and my sons room stunk. I asked her to go outside or I would report her. She goaded me to report her so I rang the police. They came to the house, confiscated it and issues her a formal caution. The reason I am giving the background is I want to know if this would help in me trying for full custody of my son and moving closer to my family and his brother and sister or whether the system will just support the mother. Any advice would be gratefully received.
SeparatedDads Editor 18 May 2016
I am sorry to hear this. If your son has parental responsibility his ex should have asked for his consent to move out of the area. However, now this has been done, his only option is to take matters to court, if his ex wont agree to him spending time alone with his child and/or refuses to attend mediation in order to try to resolve the matter. If your son cannot afford legal fees he can self-litigate as many fathers do these days after Legal Aid was withdrawn, please see link: here and here. Cafcass will get involved in the procedure, and our Separated Dads forum may help for further help and advice where needed. I advise him to read around the Separated Dads site to educate himself regarding his rights as much as he can.
John 17 May 2016
My son and his partner split up and she kept custody of their daughter she would not let him have time alone with his daughter he went to mediation and his wife x went to mediation after her visit the mediator told my son their is no point going any further and he would have to go to court she now she cannot afford a solicitor, after this they moved away and now live 4 hours drive away my son visits as often as he can and as and when he can afford to however his daughter will soon be two and he is still not allowed time alone with her he pays maintenance for his daughter and tolerates the situation but it is tearing him to bits as he only wants to spend prescius time with his daughter her family are allowed to take her out and have family time with her but he is deprived of this, can anything be done. A very frustrated gradfather
SeparatedDads Editor 17 May 2016
Yes, if you know how to contact your ex you can either request access directly, or suggest mediation, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here . If your ex refuses to attend mediation to resolve the issue, then I suggest you go and seek legal advice from a solicitor in order to work out your best approach and options.
SeparatedDads Editor 17 May 2016
Parental Responsibility lasts until a child is 18, however this is a very grey area and your daughter's opinion will be taken into consideration if you took the matter to court. I would seek some legal advice to see exactly where you stand.
Jon 17 May 2016
So I left my pregnant ex a couple of months ago. My name isn't on the birth certificate, I haven't called her in a year or witnessed the birth. Is there anything I can do to see the child?
Tommy 16 May 2016
Hi, my ex wife is trying to stop me from seeing my daughter. My daughter turns 16 soon and I was wondering if she as any rights when she turns this age as she wants to spend some full weekends at my home but her mum, my ex wife won't let her.
SeparatedDads Editor 16 May 2016
Please see the link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here which will tell you the process your brother will need to go through. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 16 May 2016
If your ex is unlikely to accept the suggestion of mediation in order to arrange an access/contact agreement, then you would have to seek legal advice in order to take the matter to court.
nash 16 May 2016
Hi my brother an his wife separated but not divorced. She left the house with there 1year 6mnth baby on her own. She refuses to let my brother see his baby ,shes not responding to his calls or messages so he has no idea how his son is. She sed an refused to take anything for the baby from my brother now shes claiming for maintence for baby an her . How an wat can my brother do in his situation.how does the law help in the fathers rights
George 15 May 2016
I was in prison for 5.5 years prior to that me and my little girl were very close !! While I was gone I kept in the best contact as I could via phone or letters and visits !!!and paid child support the whole time and bdays and all other occasions! !now that I'm out I'm trying very hard to see my little girl I have a few times but her mother talks poorly to her about me about me being in prison etc !!!I bought a phone for my daughter so I can contact her when ever I want and vice versa my daughter doesn't answer my calls or call me I just don't know what to do anymore !!!does anyone have suggestions? ??
SeparatedDads Editor 11 May 2016
It's never a good idea to take a child without consent from the primary carer as this could backfire in court, especially as his ex will obviously apply to have the child returned and is likely to be granted that right. This also may hamper your son's future request for access if by taking his son it causes considerable upset and distress to the mother. Please see article; What Happens If My Ex Keeps the Children Without My Consent? here. I advise if he wants access he should play by the rule book and take the matter to court under a contact order, but unless absolutely necessary it is not advisable to take the matter into his own hands first.
lolly 10 May 2016
my son has a 6mth old. Not long split from girlfriend he is the father of the child.She is saying he can have babe then changes her mind. He can have babe when it's convientnfor her. My son is looking after son & is saying he's not going to give him back. How does he stand. His name is on the birth certificate
SeparatedDads Editor 3 May 2016
If you are the biological father, then yes. You can take the matter to court as it is not legal to knowingly put another man's name other than the biological father on the birth certificate of a child.
Smithy 3 May 2016
Sorry I meant her husband not boyfriend
Smithy 3 May 2016
My ex put her boyfriends name on my sons birth certificate do I have any rights
JayD 2 May 2016
Hi, Me and my ex partner split up 19th June 2014. 17 days after my son was born. Before and during and after I have an physical and verbal abuse off him. Since the day we split from him and family he have said he's completely 'done' with my son. I gave him chance after chance to see him and even agreed on two days for him to come and see him which resulted him to constantly let him down or turn up drunk or hungover or use pathetic excuses such as 'I'm tired' 3 days before his first birthday he arrived to see him he physically hit me with my son in his hands and prevented me from leaving my own home. He didn't arrive to see my son on his birthday same with his family. He gave me abuse down the phone calling me all the names under the son. Now it's almost a year now and he still haven't tried to see him. I've had abuse on every social media account and phone calls ect which resulted to me changing my number. I've got a solicitor who have been with me through it all. Throughout our break up I have had many threats even down to I'm going to throw bricks though your window, beat you up and physically take my son away from me and taking me to court over him but court is only mentioned when his brother have put my name all over Facebook saying I've denied access when my solicitor have advices me I'm doing the right thing with stopping him now I've gave him enough chances. I'm worried that he may take me to court, he's got another baby on the way which is due tomorrow Tuesday 3rd May 2016. Which i think have fired up his family and giving me abuse again, they feel guilty about not making an effort to seeing my son. Any advice on the situation he could gain from going to court? Regards x
SeparatedDads Editor 28 Apr 2016
If your ex has breached the court order and she continues to stop access, you can take the matter back to court in order to get it enforced, please see link: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do, here. If you are concerned over the welfare of your daughter, your solicitor will be able to advise. I hope this helps.
helpme 27 Apr 2016
I split withmy ex four years ago. My son came to live with me last year iIasked her to change his child benefit over to me as she had claimed it for 3years. She then stated she wanted him back which he didn't want to so I took it to court & he got to stay with me! I also have two younger children to her. I have them twice a week for the last month my 5year old CRTs when I take her home because her mums new bf shouts at her all the time she's not allowed to play with toys my daughter as told school. Since then she as been called into school yesterday she wouldn't let me have my children which the court put in place! I've rang ss also cafcaf and seen a solictor. As any fathers been threw this before
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Apr 2016
I assume your ex is on a flat rate of maintenance payments which means he is not earning and therefore presumably cannot afford the train fairs also. This is something you really will have to sort out between you as there are no specific rules to say who should do what and when. Mediation may be an option to consider, if you cannot come up with a solution betweed you and your ex, but this too can cost, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here . I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Apr 2016
Since the withdrawal of legal aid many non-resident parents self-litigate with good results (if they prepare their cases well). Please see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. While there may be some costs involved, it means litigants in person do not have to pay the hefty legals bills that come with hiring a solicitor to represent them. However, in the first instance you partner should consider Mediation as a way of resolving the issues, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here as the court will expect him to have explored this process before applying to the courts. I hope this helps.
chelle 24 Apr 2016
I split up for my partner 4 yrs ago he has had access to our 2 kids every wkend I have always took them and he has always brought them home, now the kids r older and I have to pay over £8 on the train to get them to there dad, he has only just started paying £7 a week child maintained between the 2 kids and still expects me to bring them to him when I can't afford it, can anyone give me some advice on getten access sorted proply please
Vikki 24 Apr 2016
Hands up. I'm a woman, but I'm here to get help for my man. He split with his ex 2 years ago and she only allows him to see his children for 4 hours a week. Nothing has gone to court and he has always been to afraid to rock the boat in case she denies access altogether. My fella can't afford court and pays his ex more than what child maintenance suggest which he is more than happy to do. He desperately wants more access. How can we go about this without it costing an arm and a leg? Where do we go?
Sad 23 Apr 2016
Hi, Im now living in Republic of Ireland, And my daughter age6 is still living in the UK. Her mother is refusing my daughter to come over for visits. (im covering all expenses) do I have any rights and could I get a court order or can she stop this from happening, my daughter is always asking me when can I come for a visit.
PaulT 22 Apr 2016
Hi, I would appreciate some advice please. I have recently completed an FDR and come to an agreement with my ex wife over finances, and moved out of the family home. I have tried to negotiate with her over future arrangements to have my 13 and 14 year old sons stay with me an average of two nights per week, and have rented a two bedroom house and bought two single beds for the boys. I have deliberately picked a home between her house and their school to make this even easier. She is a former alcoholic who still goes to AA sessions on a Thursday night. I have suggested I have them Thursday nights to help her out and we also alternate having them weekends, but she has refused, stating everyone needs time to settle down. I know she did not get the result she wanted on the financial settlement and I believe she is being unreasonable so she can claim a higher rate of child maintenance. What are my options? If I am providing a suitable environment and a regular pattern of contact, surely I am being reasonable?
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Apr 2016
I am sorry to hear this. If your ex has parental responsibility and you wish to further cement your rights to your son, then you can apply for a child arrangement order. It doesn't mean the court will grant you one as the court will also have to hear your ex's side of the story. In the meantime, your ex will also have the right to apply for access to your son if you have denied him this. If you cannot or do not wish to sort your issues out through Mediation regarding access and it goes to court, Cafcass will then get involved, please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here . The court will make a decision based upon the evidence in the report and what it thinks is in the best interests of your child. In addition, as your son is 12, his opinion will also be taken into consideration. I hope this helps.
Kay 21 Apr 2016
My son is almost 12 years old. Me and his father divorced last year and had been separated for 4 years already. It was an abusive and violent relationship and he was arrested by the police.I live with my son only. His father has been upset recently because my son wanted to visit his grandparents abroad and informed me he will take legal action to stop my son from travelling. He stopped visiting our son and financial support altogether. He insists on giving him the passport and became abusive again. He told me he smokes hash every day. Since I found out about his addiction I've denied him contact. What can you advise me. Should I apply for residence order? Please help.
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Apr 2016
I am sorry to hear this, as you say communication is key and just because you separate it does not mean you cannot pull together as parents for the sake of your children, see link: Relationships With Your Ex-Partner, here. Mediation may also help if you wish to discuss things but cannot agree between yourselves. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. Our Separated Dads forum may also help, as many of our dads have been through the same or similar as you and therefore can impart good advice on how to overcome such issues.
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Apr 2016
Unfortunately, we can only give advice on UK-based family law as we are a UK-based website.
Jon Jon 17 Apr 2016
I have two boy's. still married, it's 9 year's but have been separated for 1 year and a half. I haven't gone through any legal action neither her I hope. I don't know really anything of where to begin. For about 8 months now my boy's have been with me Monday through Thursday and she brings them back on Sunday. I try communicating with her cause my boy's are so down here and there. But nothing, so what I'm really trying to say I need help, guidance, advice and opinions what to do to not feel like I have to do what she says so I can see my boy's
val 17 Apr 2016
Me and my wife separated while she was in saudi while me and my duaghter live here in the phillipines,my question is can i have the costudy of my duaghter? Thank you
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Apr 2016
You would have to prove you are not the biological father via a paternity test, please see gov.uk which
gel 13 Apr 2016
i was separated from my wife for 2 years and she had a child by someone else she put me down as the father on the birth certificate even though i am not the byological father what are my rights
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Apr 2016
I am very sorry to hear this and thanks for your advice to other readers, especially the part of not waiting until the dust settles to apply to court. I hope at least you still have the access you previously had to your son.
Damian 6 Apr 2016
My wife walked out on me 2 years ago following an affair with an old flame. She took our 2 year old son, plus all of the available cash held in her name for tax reason (beware!). She hasn't worked for 9 years, got half of everything (including pre martial cash) plus 47% of my salary for the next 9 years. She has been a complete nightmare, rich given it was her affair. Today I finally went to court for a contact order thinking that at last I would be treated fairly, WRONG! I see my son Friday teatime through to Sunday teatime on a fortnightly basis and on a Wednesday evening for tea. What prompted court action was her unilateral decision to stop Wednesday evenings and to cancel any phone calls. So in court I asked for: 1. Handover at neutral location (aggression from her boyfriend) - refused 2. Two telephone calls per week - refused (I am allowed one 15 minute call per fortnight) 3. To have my son alternate Christmas Eves - refused 4. To change the weeks about so that I can have some down time and have chance to develop a new relationship - refused I have completely and utterly lost faith with the English legal system that conspires to work against men like me who are put in this position through no fault of their own. It's disgraceful. My advice, don't "wait until things settle down" to sort contact out legally. Things may never settle down and in waiting a couple of years like I did, you risk the claim that your child is in a routine and that any change is detrimental to them (though of course this is complete poppycock). Delaying in sorting out finances and contact arrangements have cost me dearly, don't let it happen to you.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Apr 2016
You have two options if you can't agree between you and that is to suggest Mediation, or take the matter to court and apply for a contact order, which if awarded will give you specific times to see your boys and your ex must comply with it. Your ex could apply for a Specific Issue Order to stop your current girlfriend seeing your children. However, unless she gives good reason why they shouldn't, this is unlikely to stand up in court.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Apr 2016
I can only suggest you apply through the courts for an access order, which will mean if granted your ex will have to comply with the access arrangements ordered through the courts.
Westie 5 Apr 2016
I have been separated from my wife for almost 5 years now and have been with my current girlfriend almost 3 years. I have 2 boys with my ex and me and my girlfriend are trying for a baby. My ex has stopped me from seeing my boys again because she says I should only spend time with them on my day off not with my girlfriend and her kids. I only get one day a week off so we said we would have them at our house and do things together but she isn't happy with this she also says I have to go to her house to see them. I don't know what else to do as it's now putting pressure on my relationship with my girlfriend and making her unwell as there are a lot of nasty text coming from my ex. Can anyone give me some advice.
Greenmachine 5 Apr 2016
My ex wanted to take my daughter away, so the courts granted me a PSO, since then she has turned even nastier, and is now saying that I can only have my daughter every other week on a friday till monday morning, previously it has been from Thursday till monday morning. Nothing was ever written down regarding access as we have only been seperated 6months but surely as the visits had been thurs to monday since xmas that is actually more of an agreement that has been accepted as it has been on going for over 3 months?
Wall2281 5 Apr 2016
I have seperated from my ex partner for just over 2 months now, we were not married and have been paying her maintenance which i worked out on the csa calculator online, she is now asking for money for nursery fee do i have to pay anymore than child maintenance, also i work 5 days a week she has told me that she has now been to see a solicitor to make me have my daughter more than 2 days aweek i need to keep working full time in order to survive in life and keep paying her child maintenance and pay the debt off that we have occurred together can she do this?
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Apr 2016
The government has made the commitment that from the age of 10, children and young people involved in all family court hearings in England and Wales will have access to judges to make their views and feelings known - However, please note this does not mean the judge will act upon these feelings - the court will still decide on what it thinks is in the best interests of the child, regardless of the child's wider opinion.
Donald 4 Apr 2016
Is there a new law stating that as soon as a child turns 10 yrs old they can decide if they want to see their father.
SeparatedDads Editor 1 Apr 2016
If you have bought the children up, then unless you agree between you, she would have to take you to court. It is highly unlikely she would be granted residency as the court will decide what is in their best interests and consistency and stability are the most important factors. If you wished to pre-empt her move, you would also have the option of applying for a child arrangement order through the courts, please see gov.uk link here which will determine where your children should live. Much also depends upon the opinion of your boys as they are now older enough for their opinions to be taken into consideration.
Jonny 28 Mar 2016
I have brought my 2 boys up for over 10 years they are 12 and 14 now the mother wants to have them what rights does she have
Irie 28 Mar 2016
I have a 6 year old son with an ex. My son has my surname and I have PR. I see my son regularly and have been financially supporting him by arrangement with the mum. Recently mum obtained a Deed Poll change of name without involving me. But when it came to her trying to change his surname on his passport she was told she needed my consent. When she asked this of me I initiated felt helpless and said she can have what she wants. I have changed my mind. I am not willing to give consent but she is threatening to take me to the family court. Where do I stand? I am a professional, will the family court decision impact on my work?
Vivagoon 27 Mar 2016
Hi, my wife left me for someone else 18 months ago and since then I've had our 18 y.o. living with me. Our 15 y.o. son and 12 y.o. daughter live with her. I have these 2 at mine every other weekend (Fri night to Mon morning) and also every Wed night to Thu morning. In a few months I plan to move to a new house with my girlfriend and I need to tweak these arrangements so that I will have the 15 y.o. for one weekend and the 12 y.o. for the other. This is mainly because they are terribly behaved together (ADHD/Aspergers) so separating them each weekend will give them a break from each other. My wife is used to getting her own way, especially with me, so she is refusing to change to this as the current arrangement suits her lifestyle. I am not looking to pick a fight as I want what's best for all parties. It should be in the children'a best interests but what rights do I gave to alter our existing spoken arrangements? Thanks.
Froggatt 24 Mar 2016
Hi, my ex as a prohited steps order on me so I can't go near my own child, the people she hangs around with keep smashing my home up and I have even been assaulted by one of them, can I go to court and get an order on these people so they can't go near my son or will they not allow this because am under a prohited steps order? This battle as been going for 14 months now every time the court date is due she will ring the police and tell them have been round so I get arrested because it's a court order then she goes in court telling the judge so it stop me from having contact with him. Thanks
Abe Editor 22 Mar 2016
@JIS - There is no way your ex can remove your from the birth certificate without your consent and you can apply through the courts to see your daughter if you want. As her father you do have rights.
SeparatedDads Editor 21 Mar 2016
Please see link: What Happens If My Ex Keeps the Children Without My Consent? here. While you may be able to keep your child without your ex's consent, it is never advisable unless absolutely necessary, as the courts frown upon this kind of action if carried out without consent or negotiation.
Yooo 21 Mar 2016
Do I have the right to take my child of my ex partner if I have pr?
JIS 21 Mar 2016
Hi,I was wondering if someone could help me with my inquiry....I have a daughter who is 8 I split with her mum 5 years ago, she informed me that she took me off my daughters birth certificate. Ive never been allowed access to my daughter, she refuses to let me see her. Is she really allowed to take me off the birth certificate? Thank you
cronin641 18 Mar 2016
Just split with my partner of 5 years with whom I have a 3 year old son, she has two other children aged 8 and 9 from a previous relationship. For the last 2 years of our relationship things were heated, constant arguments over discipline disagreement etc but nothing major. In January she confessed to having a 6 month affair, during this 6 month period there were constant ongoing arguments. These arguments were triggered by my disapproval of the way she was treating the children, not just mentally abusing them but degrading them too. I called the police on various occasions due to her over aggressivness towards me and the children only for the police to remove me and leave the children in her care on three seperate occassions. The social services became involved, I expressed my concern to the social worker during two home visits about the abuse towards the children by my partner. I felt they were not taking my allegations seriously and were brushing it under the carpet! I was also told by the social worker that he does not believe a fathers bond with a child will ever be as strong as a mothers bond, also he does not think my partner is abusing the children! My partner had a meeting with the social services alone last Friday at a local school, 2 hours after the meeting was scheduled I got a knock on the door from a social worker telling me I need to leave the property as soon as possible otherwise the police will remove me. I had no clue what was happening so I reluctantly agreed to this and was set a time frame of Saturday to be gone by. An hour after they had left the police arrived asking me to leave the premises and my son right now. My partner had accused me of being suicidal and demanded the police and social remove me immediately! My partner has played the victim card and accused me of abusing her when it's actually her abusing the children. I'm now denied access to my son and the social don't want to hear my side of events. I just don't know what to do I am being treated like an abuser by the social and I'm worried for my son's safety
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Mar 2016
You have the right to take the matter to court and apply for a contact order. If you do not have her address, you can apply via a C4 form which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. You don't say what the meeting is for, is it part of a Cafcass Report? If so, please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report?
adam 17 Mar 2016
Hi there I need advice in regard to my three years old daughter. My ex couple of months after she was pregnant moved abroad but now she is back in UK. I have been trying to meet up with her but she is not willing to let me see my daughter. She has send me pics but for some bizarre reason hasn't introduced me to my daughter! Now she has got a lawyer and a child psychiatrist which I am waiting to meet in couple of weeks with the three of them. What rights do I have and what should I expect from this meeting. My ex is only communicating via email. I have no address nor a contract number. My thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Mar 2016
There are no specific rules to say your ex must pay, or bring your daughter to see you. You are entitled to take the matter to court if you wish the court to decide on what the arrangement should be, if you can't decide between you. However, just to pick you up on a point; your ex's husband is not officially responsible financially for your child as a result of your ex re-marrying. If your ex wished to, she could claim child maintenance from you, as you are still legally responsible to financially support your child until she is at least 16, regardless of your ex's marital status.
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Mar 2016
I am sorry to hear your brother is having to go through this turmoil. Firstly, you will need to find out if your father has Parental Responsibility of your brother. If so, he can keep hold of your brother without the police intervening, if he fears for his welfare. However, this should be the last resort, as it is always better to agree with the mother regarding shared-care, than to take such radical action, which can often backfire. Please see link: What Happens If My Ex Keeps the Children Without My Consent? here. Please also see NSPCC link here which also has a helpline you can call for advice on the best course of action. However, there is neglect and 'neglect' and if it just transpires his mother is a heavy drinker, but is quite capable of looking after the children, then this is different than neglect of a more serious nature which could be harmful to both your brother and his other siblings and put them at risk. Therefore, I suggest your father takes legal advice regarding the situation, while staying true to the facts. Another alternative is to sit down with his ex and have a chat about his concerns, or if he can't resolve the issue that way, Mediation would be the next logical way forward, see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If your brother wishes to stay with your father, then the best person to talk to this about is his mother and perhaps they can come to an agreement that suits them both. The fact your dad sees your brother frequently means he can keep track of both his welfare and the other children, so at least this helps.
Joinerian 14 Mar 2016
My ex got married and moved to mainland Europe. I have been told that as she moved away she is responsible for bringing our daughter back to see me. She should pay for travel costs and accompany our daughter tI and from my home. Is this right? I stopped paying maintenance when she married. Her husband is responsible for supporting her now. They also now have another child. If I went to court to force her what would happen?
MISSY123 14 Mar 2016
Hi i need some advice on behalf of my dad. My 10 year old brother currently lives with his Mother. My dad is on the birth certificate and sees his son every other day and has done since he was born. My brothers mother has recently started drinking every night and this is taking its toll on my poor brother, he doesn't sleep as he is worried about his younger brother and sister (not my dads children) who are babies and feels he is responsible for making sure they are ok while his drunken mother is out cold on the sofa after a night of binge drinking! Last night when it came to dropping my brother off at home with his mother he was crying saying he didn't want to go in as he knew she would be drinking again....he went in and ran straight back out to the car and begged my dad to take him home with him. His mother made out that he was over reacting and just being plain naughty. After a long drawn out argument she agreed he could stay with my dad. Anyway, he popped back home this morning for his uniform and his mother was straight away on his case saying he was out of order and needs to stop being naughty basically. My dad dropped him at school and the poor thing was so upset. He says he doesn't want to be there anymore and wants to live with my dad. She uses emotional blackmail against him to make him feel bad for just being honest! My Dad is now worries that she is going to try and stop contact for a while as a 'punishment' to her son for causing her a problem. What can we do?? who do we contact? the police or social services? what right does my dad have to just take him into his full time care? and if she phones the police if he does (as she threatened) will they take my brother back into his mums care?? Really need some advice please guys as I'm extreamly concerned about my brothers emotional state with all of this. Will the police listen to what he wants or is he too young to make that choice??
Rose 12 Mar 2016
My husbands ex wife took his children, then aged 11 and 13 to live in southern Ireland without his knowledge. He simply got a phone call saying that they were in Ireland and the kids had started a new school! She has family there. That was two years ago. Contact between him and the kids is sporadic, there are excuses about no internet, the phone is lost etc. The ex makes my husband think that she is bringing the kids over to the UK (we offer to pay) but then makes some excuse at the last minute. When confronted she says the kids don't like me (the new wife!). I had an argument with the son after he had been continually rude to me (14 by this time) which his ex is now saying is child abuse and it's not safe for the children to be in their fathers house. His dad was present at the time of the argument and strongly disagrees as do I. My husband has visited the kids in Ireland and they say they will come over but as soon as they are back with their mum they change their mind. Does he stand any chance legally if the kids say they don't want to come over and stay ( the ex will ensure they say this)
Darren 9 Mar 2016
Hi. I have a daughter with my ex partner. Currently been split up for 2 years now. I'm currently going through the courts. The sheriff continues to side with the mother, which continue to affect my time with my daughter. 2 questions. 1- what can I do if my daughters mother refuses to communicate with me 2 years later? 2 if I don't agree with the judge, what is the process of escalating it? Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Mar 2016
This is a tricky question to answer, as there is no real answer. It would be easy for your ex to take an alternative viewpoint and think you were asking to a) find out about her new man (when she may wish to keep these details private), or questioning her judgement as a mother (when she may think she would not do anything to put her children into danger). However, at the same your concern is justified in wanting reassurance that your children are in good hands. Much depends on how you have approached the issue too. If you have gone in demanding to know details of her new man, then this is obviously going to get your ex's back up. The idea is to approach it rationally and also accept that your ex is moving on by and is free to make her own judgements about her boyfriend’s suitability. If however, you are genuinely concerned and think the new man may not be a good influence, then please see link: Can I Get a Background Check On Ex's New Partner? here. Also see link: When Your Ex Gets a New Partner
john 8 Mar 2016
Hi. I've been divorced for around 5 years. The relationship with the ex is fickled. Sometimes its good others really awful. I'm no phycologist but I believe she's a classic narsassist. She has just starting seeing another man and has quite quickly invited him to stay overnight while the kid are there. We have a rough 50/50 split with the kids time. I found out about the new boyfriend from the kids. When I've asked her about him she basically ignored my emails and messages. My only concern is for the safety of my children. If we have equal custody, but she is the prime carer, is it not my responsibility according to the law (never mind as a worried dad) to ask pertinent questions about an adult that is being pushed into the childrens lives?
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Mar 2016
As he is 11 years old, his opinion will be taken into consideration by Cafcass, however, the courts will always take into account what is in the best interests of your child which is stability, so unless absolutely necessary they will generally prefer to leave the child with the resident parent. With regards to the high school; your only option here is to either talk to your ex directly, and/or suggest mediation as a way or sorting such issues out. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. We also now have a new Separated Dads chat room and forum, which you may like to broach your question to
goodpal 8 Mar 2016
my friend has two children to same mother. he sees them most weekends, he has just found out that their mothers new partner has been beating her for a very long time, to the point where the courts are taking the kids away. he works away and has a great job and stays at his mums when hes home. he is due to go and see courts tommorow i was just hoping i could get some information which can help him, and what he can expect to happen? thanks
Peggy 7 Mar 2016
A male friend of mine has just been divorced from his wife .Up until a year ago he seen his 14 year old son every weekend and they were really close .However a year ago his now ex wife said that his son didn't want to see him anymore .He was given no reason .He has spoken to a social worker who contacted his son last week .His son still says he doesn't want to see his dad and hadn't given a reason and social work say that he doesn't have to give a reason .What can he now do to. Get to see his son .He does not talk to his ex as the break up was acrimonious ,although it was his ex wife wh wanted the divorce . ,
Anonymous kev 7 Mar 2016
Hi I've been separated from my wife for 15 months we have a 3 year old daughter. I have been paying child maintenance and seeing my daughter however she has turned round now and said that I'm not aloud to have her overnight anymore so I can only pick her up and then drop her off this is the second time she has done this and I'm really annoyed she is safe when she is with me in fact when I drop her back home she cries to stay with me I've never let her down there has been cases where she has turned round to me and said that she will sort alternative care? I'm her father!!! When she got desperate before now when my daughter was poorly I took time off work but she seems to forget things like this I just want fair rights I haven't done anything wrong? What are my options? Thank you
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Mar 2016
Your only legal recourse would be to take the matter to court. However, even then, if an order is granted, if circumstances change either you or your ex can apply for a variation. It means nothing is set in stone - but having a court order is the most official way. Mediation is judged to be the next best way to facilitate and agreement, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here which explains all you need to know.
Anonymous Bob 7 Mar 2016
Me and my ex partner have been split for going on 10 years. We have 1 son together which we have a private agreement of 2 visits per week and a agreed rate of child maintenance. Things have been amicable until now. My ex is has decided what High School my son is to attend, without consulting me or him. She has picked the school that is closest to her, not the one that is an extra mile away but of a far better caliber. What can i do to contest this? Anything or nothing? My son has also expressed that he would like to come and live with me and my wife. I have contemplated seeking custody of my son before but have held off as in the past I have been advised that there would be little to no chance of any court agreeing to this. Would anybody have gone through a similar situation as to mine please get in touch? He is 11 years old (if that helps any) Regards Bob
Immy 6 Mar 2016
Hi, I've split from my ex wife. We've not finalised on divorced but it's going through. The situation I'm in is that we performed nikah (islamic marriage) but didn't register our marriage. We claimed certain benefits as a married couple. We have a daughter who is living with her mother. She lives with her parents who is about 166 miles away from myself. Got a feeling visiting her and having my daughter to stay over every so often will become difficult especially after divorce has been done and if I find a new partner she'll create more obstacles. What I can I do regarding having something arranged legally regarding setting visitation and having my daughter stay over with me on school holidays etc and is there a legal document that can be arranged where they have to sign as well? So that something official can be laid down, as arranging between myself and my ex I think will begin to turn sour and obstacles will arise. Also how quickly can a legal document be drafted and what are the general costs involved. Thanks
Rich 5 Mar 2016
I am apart from my partner due to my drinking I usually get to see our daughter evenings to help get her ready for bed. I have turned up a couple of times after drinking and now she doesn't want me around and says she will stop me seeing our girl. I am named on the birth certificate. Can she do this
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Mar 2016
I'm afraid your child maintenance will still apply, as the responsibility of your child is based upon your earnings.
JR 2 Mar 2016
Hi, I am an unmarried father of 2. My children mainly live with their mum. If she moves a new partner in would I be entitled to pay less child maintenance ? Cheers.
SeparatedDads Editor 1 Mar 2016
I am sorry to hear this. Does your partner get on well with his ex? If so then he could try and discuss this informally with her in the first instance. The next stage would be Mediation (however, if his ex refuses to attend Mediation then his next step would be to take the matter to court). While the son coming to live with you may seem like an easy and straightforward solution to the matter, the court may not see it that way - please see link: Applying for Custody: Court Procedure, here which lays out what the courts consider. The court's main interest is what it thinks is in the best interests of the child and moving a child from the resident-parent is rare. I can only suggest your partner takes some legal advice to see what his chances are. Please also see: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here which will give more information on the process.
embly 29 Feb 2016
Hi I need advice my partner has 2 children with his ex they are 8 and 9, the boy who is 9 has had a melt down while with us this weekend. He said he has been getting bullied for some time he said he has repeatably told his mum but nothing has been done I mean hitting too, he and his 8 year old sister keeps telling us what their mums tells them that daddy and her still love each other and daddy is coming back to them soon and they are all going to move together, she gets really insulting by text or when my partner picks them up she has to try and argue all the time. I also have 2 children and they get in so well, his son said yesterday he wants to come and live with his dad as he is so unhappy at home because of the bullying and troubles at home (a out of control 16 year old sister who rules the house her mother can not control her so just lets her do what ever she likes) their mum has a social worker that does everything for them and as soon as anything gets heated she runs straight to her. What is my partners options as it's tearing him apart and he wants his child to be happy what should we do please help!!!!!
Norm 27 Feb 2016
I separated from my ex back in 2009 she had 3 children all IVF and put me as the father, their biologically NOT mine and she told them that back in 2011!!. so I've been paying maintenance ever since however since she told them the kids weren't mine she stopped me from seeing those kids, I only paid to keep the peace stupid or what!. Now CSA has dissolved DWP have taken over they gone straight to HMRC for my income told me I have to pay more. I am up to my eyes in debt and cant pay any more it will tip me over the edge. Should I pay at all with them not being mine what options do I have??
Harriet b 26 Feb 2016
Hello, My brother has recently split up with his girlfriend and their son is nearly 1. My brother has been paying his ex a lot of money as she is blackmailing him staring that if he doesn't pay then he does not get to see his son. I was wondering if there are any visitation rights for fathers. I am also concerned as the relationship was abusive and she hospitalised my brother twice but never pressed charges. She also does drugs and we are concerned for the wellbeing of his son and querying how often the father gets to see a child? Thank you for your time
unusualme74 26 Feb 2016
Good morning can you advise, I have just received a text from my x partner saying I cannot pick my children up tonight, saying she has safeguarding issues and will not let me see the children. It says in my court order that she has to make them available for me Thursday through until Monday. I rang social services as I was concerned about the mental abuse is happening to them and they advised me there was a call made to them by my x partner and no further action will be taken, I rang the children last Saturday and I did shout at them over the phone but they was at their moms, then all of the sudden I have no contact with the children by phone, Facebook etc. then on Tuesday my son called me at 2pm when he should be at school, asking me what is going on, like he was trying to integrate me like someone was listen to the phone call. Then I had a call from my son and daughter on Wednesday making plans for the weekend. Than today had the text saying I cannot see them, I can't even contact them by phone. I have never hurt or hit my children in way shape or form hey have never said anything like this before. If anything I have concerns about the children living with my x and her husband as 3 years ago I was set upon by them 2 and badly beaten up and her husband went into the kitchen and got a 8inch kitchen knife and threatened to stab and kill me. She said she has submitted papers to the court yesterday.. I think she is wanted me to go round and confront her why I can’t see the children but past experience tells me no But all I want is to see my children. Please advise Mike greenwood
SeparatedDads Editor 24 Feb 2016
There are limited circumstances when his ex-partner can apply directly to the court for child maintenance, these include to arrange the payment of private school fees, or when the paying parent has a very high level of income (more than £156,000 a year) – the court can decide whether one parent should pay ‘top-up’ child maintenance to the other, over and above the level worked out by the CMS. However, there is nothing to say the receiving parent will be awarded the extra money if it is deemed to be unaffordable and unfair by the court.
JENCO 23 Feb 2016
If a father pays regular £400pcm towards child support for two kids aged 17 & 19 can he legally be asked to pay more for private schooling? The father NEVER gets to see the kids due to the EX involved. There has now been a letter with a court date brought about by the EX over getting more money for the school fees. Where does the father stand??
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Feb 2016
If your friend is the primary day-to-day carer of his child then he perhaps he should consider the option to take this to court and apply for custody or shared access.
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Feb 2016
I am sorry to hear this - we concur that there are as many parents; both mothers and fathers that are not positive role models. In this case it is advisable that you live apart so that you can each live your own lives according to how you wish. I hope you can now begin to build your confidence back up, and that being away from your ex has helped. Unfortunately, it is always the children who are caught up in the middle of these disagreements and I hope you will manage to resolve your issues and find a way through this for the benefit of both you and your child.
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Feb 2016
If you’re the parent paying maintenance under the 2012 Child Maintenance Scheme and you have certain expenses, you may be able to ask the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) to adjust the amount of maintenance you should pay, please see CAB whichI hope this helps.
societyisfup 23 Feb 2016
I just really need to know how is it fair that my mate has to go through hell because his ex cheated on him and has made his life a living hell but she's the one to keep their kid. Even though he's the one who actually takes care of the kid because she's a horrible mother who goes out every night
Sweets 22 Feb 2016
Hi I think my circumstances may be completely different, I'm still currently pregnant, and I split up with baby's father some months ago as what I went through with him was emotional abuse and financial abuse and it was making my self esteem and confidence go down, he constantly never had any consistency, never comes to my appointments or scans, tells me that he will put his family before me, I've never been a priority not even when I've been rushed to hospital for me or baby, and always holds money that he's given me against me, made me feel like I won't and can't be a good mother but then tries to make out that I will be because he wrote it down and told me, he just overall overwhelms me and makes me feel under powered and intimidated.
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Feb 2016
It will take a while for your family arrangements to settle down, especially as you have so recently split up. Regarding child support, if you have a family-based arrangement then it is up to you and your ex to negotiate how you operate your finances between you. If the arrangement is organised via the CMS, then how much you pay, has to do with how much you earn and is for your children's day-to-day needs which often can't be accountable, or visible, think; gas, electricity, food, water, rent etc, all of which go towards keeping a roof over your their heads. I have included a link: Developing an Amicable Relationship With Your Ex, here which may help further.
luke h 22 Feb 2016
Hi. Myself and my ex split around 1 year ago, we have 1 son which is 4. I live down in kent and she moved back down to brighton. I have always paid the correct amount of CSA. My query is regarding the travel i have to do, initially she was meeting me half way, but now i have to go all the way down to birghton to pick him up and half way when i drop him off. Is this fair? My son was born down in kent near where i live. The travel expensive is costing me a fortune, almost as much as the CSA payment. So my question what are the laws on your ex moving away with your child and who should travel? I will appreciate your advice.
Stewpot26 21 Feb 2016
My ex and I have split 4 months ago I see kids every weekend and school holidays etc im paying money into her account for kids but fail to see where it goes Can I buy the groceries clothes nappies etc my self to give her is this seen as paying child maintenance? I'm on birth certificates I feel she's making it very difficult to communicate lately saying or doing something which she knows will anger me we are in mediation currently and until recently thought we turned a corner with being civil but that has all gone to pot
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Feb 2016
Your only option if you cannot get your ex to agree, would be to either suggest Mediation in order to try and resolve the situation or apply to the courts for a more regular and structured access arrangement. This means if your ex withdrew access once the order was implemented, then she would be in breach of the court order.
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Feb 2016
It depends on what the court thinks is in their best interests and I am afraid impossible to predict. Cafcass will get involved and will construct a report, please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. The court give these reports a lot of weight and will usually base its decision on the recommendations of the report. Therefore, it makes it impossible to predict what the courts may decide is in the best interests of your children. Applying for Custody: Court Procedure, link herewill tell you what a court bases its decisions upon. I hope this helps.
southwestdad 16 Feb 2016
Hello I see my children twice a week , if my ex allows me to. As sometimes this changes as she will tell me on the day of pick up , I am not having them she has made prior arrangements. I am now facing the argument of what I do with my time with them . I make plans on teh time frames I have them , this may be to see my family or days out. Typically I get 1 nights notice if she has decided they are to do other activities away from my plans. I do not think I am unreasonable when I ask for notice on these plans, I then discuss with the children (11/9 &6) what they may like to do. she is dictating that I jave no say in their out of school activities. However surely as I am their dad & have PR as we married and I am on Birth certificate , I should have some rights in what we plan as a family during the time we have together. Is she right in the fact that I do have no say and that I should limit my plans , or can i have this notice form her that i require ?
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Feb 2016
You are free to contact your 18 year old, due to her age (unless there is a court order in place preventing you). Regardless of whether you pay maintenance, if your ex refuses to discuss this through Mediation, then you would have the option to take the matter to court. Your child of 14 will be asked her opinion regarding whether she wishes to see you. The courts would decide whether it was in the best interests of your younger children for you to have access. The court promotes fathers having access/contact with their children, therefore you have nothing to lose, except court costs/legal fees (unless you self-litigate), by applying for access this way.
sparks 16 Feb 2016
My ex partner is refusing access to my 4 daughters aged 18,14,8 and 2. I have not seen them since July 2013. I am not on any of their birth certificates and I have no maintenance agreement in place to pay nothing . My partner refuses to speak to me so I cannot arrange to pay anything. I am desperate to see my children what can I do
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Feb 2016
I'm afraid I can't advise as it depends on the courts and whether you have continued to carry out what the court has instructed you to do. If you have, keep fighting as the court does want fathers to have contact with their children.
ashsh 13 Feb 2016
hello dear how are you ? i hope you well,? well i need some information from you hope you dont mind i am little bit stuck in my life , i am from india i came here in 2009 and that i got married with british citizonship i got one chind right now she is two year old and now we are divorced right now i tried to get dirrect contact for my daughter from court when i had first hearing its was quite long time about 1year i forget to inform cafcass company and court thats why they declare indirect contact with my dauther still i am not having direct contact with her still i am fighting to have direct contact i got my name birth certificate, i cant efford solicitor you know , i am struglling because i am fighting by my self i do some mistake that why all this tings taking time, all i need help is that what should i do ? what i can say to court that pls let me see my daughter she is living in leicester and i am living in london, so disturb in my life , i got final hearing in may , in last hearing they said that i did not maintain well indirect contact and you have not done parenting classes so i dont know if they will allows me see my daughter or not have not seen my daughter since a long time, can you help me pls which law say that i dont have right to see my dauther , thank you looking forward to hear from you any more information pls contact me thank you will be more appriciated if you help me thank you bye take care have a lovely weekend
SeparatedDads Editor 12 Feb 2016
I am sorry to hear this. Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. You would have to go through the motions laid out in the article. Just because you have a new girlfriend does not justify a reason for not being able to see your children.
dylan 12 Feb 2016
Hi, I'm separated from my partner early last year, we have two children together, 11 yrs. old boy and 8 yrs. old girl. We have a joint mortgage on the house which we had owned for 7 years. We haven't gone through mediation yet, but my problem is that I moved out of the family which I have paid for over the last 7 years. Where we currently live it is impossible for me to rent or buy a property. I currently rent a room in a house which is the same as what my mortgage costs per month. My real issue is that I have nowhere for my kids to stay during the cold wet days or overnight. My ex has a new boyfriend which stays at my family home a few days a week, so she wont let me stop over at the house or when the weather is bad allow me to spend the day with them! all I want is to be able to have my kids at the weekend in my own place. we have a lot of equity in the property but she wont be able to release a percentage for me. i don't want to go through the courts but this is not fair on my children or myself wanting to have apart of their life. what can i do?
Dadunknown 11 Feb 2016
Hi I split from my ex three weeks ago I have been paying her more than the correct amount off my own back , I recently met a new partner and she has now stopped all contact and is making life very difficult saying that she can't trust me with my kids all because I have a new partner i have two children a 4 year old and 2 year old and I've been in there life since day one she's confusing the hell out of the children asking me to c them then twenty mins later telling me to stay away its not fair on them .
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Feb 2016
There are no laws to say you need to have your children for 24 hours. You don't say how old the children are, but if your ex wants you to have them for 24 hours, then you could agree to put them into nursery, of arrange after-school childcare. Perhaps you could suggest Mediation if you can't sort the issue out between you. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.
hinzy 8 Feb 2016
Hi I split from my ex -wife last Christmas and up to recently we had an arrangement in place where I got the kids overnight on a Saturday and sunday and 2 days a week for a few hours. However some things have changed for me at work and I have had to change the overnight days as my work rota changes now every week so every week now I get the kids over night during the week on a Thursday and the other days changed from week to week so there is one week ill have them on a Friday and the next ill have them on a Saturday which is fine but she has recently started shouting at me the day I take them during the week because I don't get them till im finished work which is about 7.00pm she is saying that I have to have them for 24 hours which is impossible as im working the following day is there such a law that I have to have them for a minimum of 24 hours don't get me wrong I would keep them all day but she is looking for me to take time off work to watch them till 7.00pm the next day
B_ 5 Feb 2016
Just want some advice please. I have a 14month old boy who spends 1 night a week at his dads. When he found out i was pregnant he didnt want the baby but wanted to support me and i allowed him to go on the birth certificate but my son has my surname. So how does it worth with parental rights? and also his dad wants to take him away this year does he have rights to do that. His dad also lets his son down sometimes and will just have him for the day rather than over night. Is there anything i can put in place for someone else to have parental/guardianship of anything was to happen to me before my son is 18 and legally an adult. I feel if his dad never wanted him in the first place then swaps and changes over having his son over night is it in my sons best interest to go to someone he sees a hell of alot more?
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Feb 2016
I can see your reluctance to 'rock the boat' so to speak when all is quiet. If you have an order for shared care then this will still stand, should your ex wish your child to return to live with her on a 50/50 basis. However, as she has been living solely with you for over a year, this would stand you in good stead to apply for a residence order, or deny your ex's request. While there is no guarantee you would be awarded sole custody, the courts will decide what is in your daughter's best interests and stability and consistency rank high on a level of importance. The fact your ex has not been in touch will also work in your favour. As far as changing your daughter's surname is concerned, then you would have to get your ex's permission for this, which I imagine may create the waves you are worried about. I suggest applying for the residency first and opting for the possible name change later. As while you will still have to ask for your ex's consent, if you have the sole custody, then your ex can't demand to take your child back as a result or your request.
Lee 4 Feb 2016
Hi, I'm looking for advice. I'm a father to a wonderful but sometimes difficult 10 year old girl, I separated from her mother when she was first born bit have always been in her life. When she was a baby she lived with me for 3 months when her mother disappeared, when she returned it was only because I applied for sole custody. Long story short, we had to reluctantly settle on a joint residency. Since then her mother has been neglectful to mine and her other children to the point social services got involved for multiple reasons, multiple times. Subsequently she has lived with myself, my wife and other 3 children since November 2014 as I refused to let her go back to her mother because of neglect among other things. Now she is very happy and doing very well in school and life in general but now wants to change her surname from her mother's maiden name to my surname. Now here's the crux of the situation, her mother has not seen her since October 2015 and not spoken to her on the phone since November 2015 and it's been purely laziness and not for wanting to see her own daughter. Please help as I want to legally have sole custody so she cannot ruin my daughters life more than she already has but all the info I can find is related to non resident fathers... or grandparents.
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Feb 2016
If you can't agree your financial split between yourselves, have you thought of Mediation to sort the matter out? Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. The best idea would be to come to a family-based arrangement between yourselves financially - it's a lot less costly than doing it through a solicitor. Please also see CAB link: Living together and marriage: legal differences, here which may help clarify issues.
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Feb 2016
It is out of the question that a court would award residency to a non-resident parent who has had little to do with his child since birth and has an injunction against him. I suggest you keep all his texts and threatening correspondence as this amounts to harassment, in which case you should contact the police if you want this to stop.
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Feb 2016
This sounds more like a petty spat, more than a case of 'theft'. If you have purchased your children's toys then it is up to you what to do with them and who you give them to. I am sorry to hear you have no contact with your children and they refuse to see you. If you need a route to apply to see them, then please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access
Gary2355 3 Feb 2016
Could some one give me a general indication of my rights in terms of separating from my wife of 15 years. Two children will stay with her in the marital home, I've moved to my parents and she earns £8500 more than me. I'm on £27500. Any ideas of what we are both entitled to do!
vixs 2 Feb 2016
I split from me ex before our son was born as father was violent, cos of his violent attack my son came early but ive allowed my exs mum see he rgrandson every monday as wasnt her who treated me bad but father never bothered wanting see our son. My son is now 4 an i still get threats that me ex gonna kill me (he has tried before an had injunction on him) he is so bad to me an never botheres with his son just threatens me an trys get me to bed him altho i never want him near me im scared of me ex but now cos i wont do what he demands he saying he gonna put in for access an take my son away from me but he has never wanted our son before an not even on birth certificate. Please someone tell me will he get to have access altho he violent an has beat me making my kids see things they shouldnt an often trys break into our home :-( Im scared an just want my kids stay safe an with him they aint :-(
frustrated dad 2 Feb 2016
Hi I am wondering if someone can answer a question for me. My ex wife stopped me seeing my children last July and since then I have had no contact with my children ( even though I phone every week) they refuse to speak to me. Tonight when I phoned I was told that my kids want the toys and stuff that I have bought for them to play with down my house back and if I do not give them to them she will call the police as I am technically stealing my childrens property. Is this true?
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Feb 2016
I am sorry to hear this - it seems that your ex isn't very empathetic to your situation and is doing her best to make the situation more difficult by using your children as weapons which is not in the best interests of your children. I can only advise you suggest Mediation if you cannot resolve the situation between yourselves, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here . If your ex doesn't agree to Mediation, then your only other option would be to take the matter to court, please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. I hope this helps.
Spider 2 Feb 2016
I am a Father currently in a real dilemma regarding access rights to my 3 children. I can't talk to her as things escalate very quickly because I can't have my kids when she wants me to have them due to work etc. We did have an arrangement where I had them overnight from Friday to Sunday depending on whether my son was playing football ( 2 girls aged 8 and 10 and a boy of 7yrs) every other weekend. I had them one weekend at my partners house in Leeds and the other weekend at my mothers in Fleetwood (my children live in Manchester) the reason for this is because my partner is a full time childminder and work pressure was getting to much to have them both weekends. My partners son recently died in very severe circumstances just after Christmas this year which has really made things extremely difficult for us all in general, but my ex partner has also just found out her aunty has terminal cancer, so explaining this with her circumstances isn't getting us nowhere. My Mum is now moving to Scotland and I am finding it difficult to have them the additional weekend at my partners due to her circumstances and now my change in work commitments. I have said I will guarantee one weekend a month overnight stay and take them out as much as I can during the period of the rest of the month, but she won't agree to any of it. She is point blank refusing me any access if I don't have them every other weekend, which I can't commit to. I have tried explaining if I can do additional weekends I will, but she won't give me access. She has now said that if it isn't sorted in the next couple of days and I can't do what she asks, she is stopping me from contacting them by mobile phone or through their tablets on social media etc. I am extremely stressed by all of this and can't talk to her as she is verbally abusive and tells the kids I don't want to see them and not sure what I legally have to do. I am trying so hard but nothing will make her happy unless I agree to her terms which I can't.
Epic 29 Jan 2016
Hi, as grandparents who have had regular contact since birth we are now being denied access as she has started a new relationship. Can we have a contact order to allow us contact. She says we can only see if we have dad there. Thanks.
SeparatedDads Editor 29 Jan 2016
Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here and you would have to go through the process listed in the article. However, before you do this, you may wish to suggest Mediation to your ex, as the courts will have expected you to have explored this route first. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.
Blue 28 Jan 2016
Hi. I split with my girlfriend before my son was born. She agreed I have him Friday Saturday Sunday and I pay money monthly. She now wants to restrict contact What rights do I have and do I need to go to court for a contact order to establish my rights.
SeparatedDads Editor 28 Jan 2016
We cannot predict what the courts may decide, as much depends upon your ex and how agreeable she is and what the Cafcass report says, please see article: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. The court generally will take advice from Cafcass and will adhere to the suggestions in the report.
SeparatedDads Editor 28 Jan 2016
Your partner has no legal obligation to do anything. However, as his wife, she will have a claim on the house despite the fact the house may be in his name. Should the matter go to court, then the courts will also take into consideration where the children should live and what joint financial assets your partner and his ex have between them. The children and their welfare are always considered to be the main priority in any settlement of this kind. If the parents cannot agree between themselves, then they should consider Mediation, as the mediatior will help them negotiate an agreement. If they can't agree through Mediation, the next step would be the courts and then it would become a costly process. Please see link: Mediation: What is it - and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.
Nick 27 Jan 2016
Hello, me and my ex separated. I was in my daughters life for a year before we split up, I have my court date at the end of February. I have PR because I am on the birth certificate. I have no criminal records and have no domestic violence. As a father who has been in my daughters life every day for the first year what do I expect to be offered by the court unsupervised?
Les 27 Jan 2016
Hi my partner has been split from his wife for 3 years now and has 2 kids they share them 50/50 he pays £250 a month maintenance although he doesn't have to and buys them things and pays for hobbies etc when with him. He has a mortgage on a home and has kept his name on his ex house because she couldn't afford to live there on her own as she works part time. Now she wants divorce and £20,000 off him to be able to live there! She claims benefits for them and has a good life. Does he have any legal obligation to do that.
Johnny 25 Jan 2016
I don't see my child through my own choice nor do I pay child support and haven't since i stopped going to see her 3 years ago will I loose pr rights to my child?
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Jan 2016
I can only suggest you seek legal advice. Your ex will be entitled to a part of the estate through the reason of being married and having a child together. However, much will depend on how long you have been together etc.
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Jan 2016
I'm afraid the only choice your son has is to go through the court process (as listed in the article) and apply for access, once the child is born.
Jeffro 24 Jan 2016
Hi,my wife who I have 8 year old child with had an affair,we are now seperated,she is asking me to sell flat which is solely in my name and I pay mortgage for,she is demanding half of sale value,I pay her an aggreed monthly income for maintenance,would appreciate any advice and suggestions.
Jo 24 Jan 2016
Hello my son was seeing a girl for a month snd she became pregnst though she said she couldnt have children he saud if she wanted to have the baby he would stand by her bus as times gone on shes makin life really hard he asked her to mobe in to his home she wont leave her perents home she is 27 he brought a car for her so she could go and see her mum but then said she didnt want to learn to drive shes made no efgort and if hes not at hers hes all sorts of names via text , hes decided its not goin to work but wants to be a good dad now shes sayin he cant said the baby which is due next month he cannot know when shes im labour and the baby wont be in his nane now what can he do hes tried every ghing snd is so stressed we all want to be part of the babys life pleae help .
Jeff1 22 Jan 2016
Hi, I am a father of two. I have recently separated from my wife. I have tried t be as amicable as possible over everything from childcare and finances. She insists on treating me like a babysitter rather than the father. I am in the Army and live on base during the week. I travel home at weekends to have my kids for the Saturday evening. The time I pick them up changes every week to suit her needs, most of the time at extremely short notice. Am I entitled to have them on set times over the weekend? She will not agree to mediation! I feel that set times would benefit the children more as well as me to give them a bit more stability. I pay child maintenance and various other contributions towards the bills such as half of the mortgage. Where do I stand legally?
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Jan 2016
I am afraid your only option is to take it through the courts if your ex refuses to allow you to see your son. If you cannot afford the hefty legal fees of a court case you can self-litigate, please see link: How to Represent Yourself, here. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 21 Jan 2016
I'm afraid she can and as specified in the article, if she decides not to put your name on the birth certificate it will also mean you have no rights. If this the case, you would have to apply through the courts to gain access and/or parental responsibility of your child.
dan 20 Jan 2016
Hi I have recently separated from my pregnant girlfriend in a moment of sheer madness I told her to get an abortion witch I deeply regret she is now telling me I will never see my baby because of what I said legally can she stop me from seeing my child because of this stupid mistake?
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Jan 2016
Your only recourse would be to either suggest Mediation in order to come to a mutual agreement or take the matter to court. However, the courts will not discriminate against your ex, or judge that she is incapable of looking after your son, just because she is living in a shelter. The courts will decide what is in the best interests of your child and whether he is receiving a stable upbringing despite where he may be living.
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Jan 2016
You don't say what response your daughter has to you, and whether she wants to come and see you or your family, or if anything may have happened to provoke such a response i.e such as a family argument that is taking its time to resolve itself. I can only suggest you suggest Mediation to try and resolve the matter in which case your daughter will be allowed to freely voice her opinion. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Jan 2016
It depends on whether he has official consent from his ex to take the child abroad, otherwise he could be charged with abduction.
Pecks 18 Jan 2016
I'm seperated from my wife due to she committed adultery . She has since been kicked out of her moms and now living in a women's shelter with our son . Which he is only 4 years old . We have week on week off Cousdy . A shelter in my mind is not a place for a child . As a response able father I feel that he should stay with me till she has her own place and fully able to take care of him . I offered to look after him while she is trying to straighten her life out but she said no . What rights have I got to this matter .
coowi brookadoowi 18 Jan 2016
Hi there my daughter is 15 and 3 quarters at november of 2015 my ex denied me access to my daughter and she has told my daughter its up to her if she wants to come see me or my family anymore, we had a great relationship before and now i noticed she has been cut off from me in every way, phone social media all sites blocked from connection with me. I communicate with her by letter delivered to her by a friend's daughter at her school who is is in the same year as her, I believe my daughter is suffering from parental alienation syndrome, I am the targeted parent what do i do? my daughter is now disliking my ex is poising my daughters mind and i have 46 days until she is 16 years old?
D 17 Jan 2016
Could someone please help. Can a dad who is from America and is only allowed in the uk because he is married to a uk citizen take a child aboard with him if his marriage is divorced on the basis of adultery?
cd 16 Jan 2016
Please help. .. My husband has two children from a previous relationship. When they first split up we were allowed to see the children. We then had to go through the courts as she was being awkward. After spending thousands fighting we finally got a contact order to which she broke! We haven't seen the children for 12 years! They are now 13 and 15. She blocked his mobile number aswell. We've had a new calculation from CMS they want just under £400 pm. We have 2 children of our own and in a lot of debt so means this on to we won't be able to live. It's getting to the stage of even considering giving up work because we really do not know what to do. Someone please help. CMS are so unhelpful. Literally close to breaking point.
Kay! 16 Jan 2016
My partner has a very cruel and persuading mother. She is trying to make him take our child for a day as he normally would, but refuse to bring her back, and make her stay there. She claims because he is on the birth certificate he is within rights to do so. is this correct? if so how can I prevent this happening? thanks.
Pippa2020 15 Jan 2016
Me and my sons dad have been split up just over a year didn't pay much towards our son until I had to get csa involved, since then he wants our son to sleep over his house all the time!! Also when my ex is working nights and his now new partner looks after our son when he's in work can I have a say in who looks after our some of he's in work??
Kate 14 Jan 2016
Hi I have a 5 year of girl her dad is not on the birth certificate and he pays £5 every 2 weeks csa Does he still have rights ?
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Jan 2016
If there is a court order stating that he can pick his daughter up from school then he needs to remind the school that he has a court order to say he can. If his ex tries to restrict his access again then he may have to take the issue back to court to have the order enforced. Please see link: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do, here. A solicitor's letter reminding his ex of her obligations to the court order can sometimes help before taking this route. If you think mediation is needed, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.
Marie 12 Jan 2016
My partner has 2 complicated ex relationships ... He was married in both is on the birth certificate of all children and has remained in contact all the time when he's been allowed to ... One ex wife of an 8 yr old girl has repeatedly tried to change the court order for visiting , always puts him down and quite honestly makes life as difficult as possible ... We haven't long been to court and the cafcas officer ended up saying to the court no reason to change anything and the mother left the court screaming and crying ... its been fairly quiet since but now it's starting again telling him he can't pick her up from school and he can't see her at the weekend and getting the head teacher involved and even she is telling him he can't pick his daughter up ... If he doesn't pick her up I'm suspecting that she is going to take it back to court saying he hasn't bothered with his daughter etc cos she's done it before .... I'm just wondering what rights he has and who could we go to for mediation or counselling esp for the little girl cos she is apparently telling them she doesn't want to see her dad but yet she's fine when she's at our house .... really need help !!!!
SeparatedDads Editor 12 Jan 2016
You may want to have a word with Social Services and ask what it advises you to do. However, should you wish to take it to court, the gov.uk site here will give you more information. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 12 Jan 2016
Your ex will always have parental rights if he has Parental Responsibility. However, it depends what 'rights' you are talking about. If your ex has not been in contact or wanted contact with your children, and if suddenly he decides he wishes to see your children, you could request because of his absence he takes it to court.
vee 12 Jan 2016
hi my partner need to get parental responsibility for his youngest daughter due to them being takin off the mother by Socile serves and put in his care and need a full baby X-ray they said they need to clear it with the mum first due to his not having parental responsibility. we have downloaded the paper work to fill in but the mother will refuse do it the normal way of filling the paper work in so we need to know if we can go to the court to do this can he do it that way?
Gem 11 Jan 2016
Hello, well basically my ex parner has not seen our children or paid for them in nearly a year! Do they still have parental rights????? since its been over 6 months! Thank you!
Jimbo 10 Jan 2016
Hi all I have split up with ex I have son with and we talk okay. Want to take my son abroad which she is fine with but I am not on birth certificate and he does not have my surname. What would I need to do to go
Adam 9 Jan 2016
Hi I have a 5 year old daughter with my ex partner whe now lives 150 miles away I pay maintenance every month but she won't let me see my daughter can she do this I am named on the birth certificate what are my rights to be able to see her I am willing to travel to her and stay in the area she lives in
Mamas baba 8 Jan 2016
Hi my question is me and my partner broke up he's on the birth certificate what rights does he have as he threatened me to take my son away from me thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Jan 2016
I am sorry to hear this, but it is your daughter-in-law's decision about whether she wishes to move and unless you have been granted parental responsibility there is little you can do to oppose this. If your son is against the move, and has parental responsibility then his ex will need his consent. If he is concerned about her making the move against his wishes, then he may be able to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order, which is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. However, there is no guarantee your son would be granted the order, as the court would have to decide what is in the child's best interests. If the move happens and you are on good terms with your daughter-in-law, hopefully you will be able to come to an amicable contact agreement. Please see link: Dealing With Your Ex Partner and Child Moving Away, here may help further.
Misty 7 Jan 2016
I am a grandparent my daughterinlaw has decided to move closer to her family which is 2hrs away from where we live,she says we can see her every second wkend if we go and pick her up from her house so that would be 2 hrs there& 2 hrs back 4 hrs traveling..then we've to take her back on the Sunday another 4 hrs traveling. Originally she said she would meet half way which would mean 2hrs traveling fair enough bad enough but better than 4hrs surely something can be done about this? It's heartbreaking to think we're not going to be able to do this,but I think this is the reasons behind this. I don't think she's thinking about our granddaughters well being in all of this she only thinking of herself.. Regards Heart broken granny..
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Jan 2016
I am sorry to hear this. This is a very tricky question to answer because of the false paternity name on the birth certificate. I can only suggest you seek legal advice regarding your question, as it may be something that would have to be sorted out through the courts.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jan 2016
In this situation, I can only suggest your partner seeks legal advice. If the mother is adamant about taking this route, and should your partner decide to take the issue to court, then CAFCASS would get involved. Please see: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here . This would allow your partner to have his say and state his case. However, he would have to prepare himself for possibly having the past dredged up. But, as he was cleared of any charges, the courts will take this into account when awarding access.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jan 2016
Your friend can apply for parental responsibility and a Child Arrangement Order of his non-biological child through the courts, if that is what he wishes.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jan 2016
You would have to apply for a c100 contact order through the courts. If you do not know where your child is living, then you can apply for a C4 form, which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. While, the courts may still not reveal the address, if your ex wishes for the address to remain confidential, it will give you the option to be able to apply for contact via the courts. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jan 2016
I'm afraid so. If he does not agree to support his children through university, his ex can request via the CSA, or through courts that he be ordered to help contribute towards his children's welfare. A decision will be made on the basis of whether his children are still in need of his financial support.
divad88 6 Jan 2016
hi all i have just split up with my partner after 2 years we have a little 20 month year old girl my ex is not granting me access to see her she claims she is busy when i say i am of can i see her she changes her mind so much , she said to me i hope you felt good playing daddy but that is it not gonna let me see her again i am on her birth certificate and signed the parental responsibity form she has my surname but she is biologically not mine but i have been the since the pregancy 1 first birthday and paying everything for her what right do i have thanks
KD 5 Jan 2016
My partner is being refused access to his baby because hes wont be in a relationship with the mother (who is violent to him) she said if he wont be with her he can see his baby.....he was accused & cleared of child abuse years ago but she said shes going to use it against him to take his baby away for good? Hes on th birth certificate also...What can he do? Where does he stand?
Kelly 5 Jan 2016
Hi my friends partner died leaving him with one biological child and one he's brought up since he was about 3 and he's now 11. His biological father has never bothered even after the mother died he still didn't want to care or pay for him. Does my friend have any rights or will he be given parental responsibility
Columbo 5 Jan 2016
I am writing on behalf of my husband. He has paid child maintenenance without fail since he left his ex. She got everything the house with no mortgage and half his pension. The children are almost 18 now and after paying a fortune in maintenance (and struggling ourselves- unable to financially offer support to 'my' children whilst at uni who have had to work throughout their degrees, due to his commitment to pay for his!) we are concerned that his ex seems to want him to fork out for them at uni too now!! (Ie post 18)- does she have any legal recourse to do this?
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Jan 2016
I am very sorry to hear this, what a tragic story. If your friend is an unmarried partner he would not have an automatic, legal right to look after his child until Parental Responsibility was registered on the birth certificate or through the family courts. Unfortunately, in UK law, a father can only be a father if the mother or the family court approves him. I suggest he takes legal advice if he wishes to care for his child.
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Jan 2016
You do not have to reveal your new address. However, if you are the non-resident parent and your son is staying with you overnight, then your ex may naturally wish to know his whereabouts. Therefore, it will be up to you whether you wish to release this information. You may wish to re-think if as a result your ex may use this as a reason to try and prevent access. If, on the other hand you are the resident parent, then you still do not have to give this information and can arrange access via text or email if that is what you wish. However, your ex will have the option to take the matter to the courts.
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Jan 2016
This is a tricky question to answer, as it depends on how much his partner is just making idle threats or whether she means what she says. If she refuses your friend access to his daughter after the split, then your friend would have to apply through the courts. Please see article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichIf he has parental responsibility and he is concerned about his ex moving away, then he can also apply through the courts for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. While there is no guarantee his application will be successful, it is an option he can explore. I hope this helps.
Yelly 5 Jan 2016
A friend of mines girlfriend has just died from infection after 3 weeks giving birth to a healthy boy.. They were going to get the baby registered tomorrow morning but unfortunately she died, what rights does he have when it comes to the baby? (mother and baby lived with her parents)
Peddy 4 Jan 2016
My sons mother is asking me for my new address, must I give her this . All communication is Done by text or phone call which has always been the case . Please advise
Taz 4 Jan 2016
Hi I'm enquiring on behalf of a friend of mine, him and his partner are not working out and he wants to leave the relationship but she is blackmailing him with there 8yr old daughter by saying if he leaves she will stop him seeing her and she will move away with her so he never sees her, his name is on the birth certificate but he doesn't know what his rights are or what to do can you please give me the advice so I can pass it on to him as he is slightly dyslexic,he loves his daughter to bits and is upset at her threats what can he do
Dave 2 Jan 2016
Hi. I've been separated for almost 2 years leaving my ex plus 3 children for another woman. My little girls are 11, 9 and 2. So far they haven't met my new partner as the eldest refuses too. I've taken it slowly never forced anything and respected my daughters wishes but now I'm broaching it and trying to move on but she won't. I believe my ex is making it hard and my daughter probably feels bad about meeting my partner. How can I get over this? It would be good for them but I just need to make them see this. Any ideas would be appreciated.
Bluberry 30 Dec 2015
Hello, I live with my partner for over 3 years, we have 18 moths old child, unfortunately the things between us are not going well and I feel like this relationship will be over soon or late. We both are not from the UK and our daughter was born here. Also we don't have marriage. I feel insecure in this case because he is the main income bringer, I DON'T CLAIM ANY BENEFITS so I have no income, I can't get back to work because I look after our daughter. What rights doea my partner have as a father(he is on the birth certificate), can he claim custody for our daughter because he has the money to look after her? My parents live in the UK and they will support me whatever happens. I'm desperate...many thanks in common
challett 28 Dec 2015
Looking for some advice please I was with my ex 7 years and we have 2 children one day she left to visit her family with our children 4 hour drive away she didnt return chosing to stay with them i have sonce discovered her address and sent cards and presents forbthe children one day she lefts me speak to the children next day she doesnt. I have discovered social services have been to her address with the police because she has been reported for Neglect I have attempted to contact social services and even sent emails but they do not reply, I have yet tto be informed of anything I have know clue what going on I am listed on the children's birth certificates do I have any options to get them to tell me what's going on with my kids!!!
meltb 25 Dec 2015
Hi, I am just wanting advice as to what my husbands rights are when it comes to contact with his 6 year old son who resides in the UK with his mother, her partner and now baby sister. My husband and his wife separated in 2011, my husband was the one who decided to leave her in the end even though she had voiced that she wanted to divorce prior to this on many occasions. When my husband left the home, he took only his belongings and nothing more. He contributed 1000GBP per month to the household for a few months and then slowly dropped the amount down (he was paying 500GBP per month there after until the January of 2013) after this until he made a decision to move to Australia to be with me. Up until his move she allowed him to see their son for a couple of hours during the week and for the morning on saturdays while she was at work. She would never allow overnight visitation. The decision for my husband to move here was a very emotional time for him as he was torn between leaving his son and wanting a life here with me (he has no other family other then his son in the UK and lost a large amount of 'their' friends after the separation). Once in Australia, he was able to FaceTime his son whom was 2 at the time whenever he wanted to, he continued with child support payments and was flying to the UK 2 to 3 times per year to see him. His visits were for a week at a time but in this time he was only allowed to spend a couple of days with his son. After approximately 1 year his ex wife told him that FaceTime was to upsetting for their son and that she was limiting it to every other sunday between 9.30 and 10am their time (approx 6.30 to 7pm EST). If he was 5 minutes late, could not get through or if they were out, he was unable to speak with him and would have to try again next fortnight. You can guess where it goes from there. My husband has now not spoken with his son in approximately one year and has not seen him in almost 3 years not even in pictures. We send him cards and presents for all special occasions (unsure if he receives them). His exwife constantly goes on at him about abandonment and that it was his choice to leave and how can he expect to have a relationship with their son when he is thousand of miles away. My husband is wracked with guilt and misses his son terribly. She also now uses the he gives no support excuse even though my husband left their marriage with nothing and accepted less then 10% of the value of their home (not including other assets and savings) in lieu of child support. What are his rights as a father who decided to live abroad? His son now would see him as a stranger. He would love to be able to see him and we would love to have him here for holidays when he is able to however she states he will never come here to see him. Does he have options or should we give up and continue what we are doing in hope that one day his son might seek him out? We are at a crossroads and i have no idea how to he
lucyalio 24 Dec 2015
My ex has completely lied against me, claiming I deny him access to his 3 year old child. He usually visits her as and when he likes, even without notice. She also goes to his house to spend the night. Now he has filed for an access order. I have photos of them together in my house and in his house. What can I do, as this is completely false statement to the court. I don't know what he hopes to achieve from this. Also he when for MIAM alone, and no one has contacted me for mediation.
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Dec 2015
It's never a good idea to keep hold of a child without the resident parent's permission, especially if you are trying to use them as a bargaining tool. It may have worse repercussions when you hand your child back as any trust will be demolished, plus your ex could refuse you access in the future and it will give her ammunition for the courts. If you want more access, either suggest mediation or inform your ex you are going to take it to court. A court order, if granted, will give you a fixed amount of access, and if your ex refuses to adhere to it, she will be in breach of the court order. However, the courts will want to see that you have suggested or gone through mediation first before it will accept any application. Please also see: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichI hope this helps.
Mr Smith 21 Dec 2015
I have recently split with my wife and being held to just a day and a bit of access a fortnight. Everytime I breech the subject of more time, I am threatened with no access what so ever. Would it be acceptable for me to keep hold of my child when I next have access and demand a 50/50 split before returning. there is no court order in place at the moment and we both have parental responsibility.
SeparatedDads Editor 21 Dec 2015
If your ex refuses to put your name on your child's birth certificate, then you would need to take it to court. Please see link: What Rights do I have if I'm not on the Birth Certificate, here which tells you what you can do to become involved in your child's life. I hope this helps.
Lee 19 Dec 2015
Hello what are the actual rights a father has to seeing his child on Christmas day. I never married the mother of my child but my surname is on the birth certificate followed by her surname. My daughter will be 4 at the end of December but my ex said it is her right as a mother and I will never get to wake up and experience Christmas day with my child. Since separating I have remained single and only have the one child. It was my decision to leave my ex as she became impossible to be around and she is on medication as she has mood swings and it was like walking on broken egg shells when I was around her. While my daughter is young all I wanted to do is see her face on Christmas morning for me and my family as she is the only grandchild. Is my ex correct in saying it is her right? Best Regards Lee
Clarkzenbacher 18 Dec 2015
Hello I'm a 19 year old man living in England. My and my girlfriend of two years split up while she is pregnant about 6 months ago I've tried to communicate with her about the baby and she's ignored me and blanked my messages. She didn't tell me the sex of the baby untill 7 weeks after and even then I was told by her brother. I go to the army in January, a week before the baby is born and have no way of getting my name on the birth certificate. I'm a bit lost with what to do, it's caused me to have stress related illnesses because all I want to do is play apart in my childs life and she's blocking my every opportunity. I've tried communicating with people and they've not helped, I know I can't do anything till the baby is born but I like being prepared and organised with what to do. I believe I will have to go through courts.. I need advice.
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Dec 2015
I am sorry to hear this. However, I'm afraid as we are a UK-based site we can only answer UK family law questions.
Mysonsdad 18 Dec 2015
My wife and I are legally separated. We live in California. She had me arrested by falsely claiming domestic violence and was granted a restraining order. The charge has now been dismissed but I have not had the money to have my attorney go to court to have the restraining order removed. My wife has not spoken to me for seven months. She is pregnant with our son and due in a week. Can she prevent me from seeing my son at the hospital when he's born? Thank you.
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Dec 2015
To apply for access when it is denied, please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichYou do not have to accept what her solicitor dictates, and you can take this to court to request more access. With regards to your ex taking your daughter on holiday, you would have to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. There is no guarantee the order(s) will be granted in your favour - it would be up to the courts to decide what is in the best interests of your child. I hope this helps.
Bowesy 15 Dec 2015
Hi I am currently having issues with acces to my 6yr old daughter whom up until the last 3 months have had regular acces with most weekends. However my ex has now stopped this and I am having to go through her solicitor for minimal hours dictated by her. Xmas she is giving me 2 hours! I have up until now also not been allowed to take her on holiday I also don't wish to allow her to leave on holidays without my consent with her new partner whom has served a custodial sentence. I would like more access more hours. Her surname at school is noted only as the surname of my mothers daughters. When it is double barraged with both of ours legally in birth certificate which I am also registered. I would like fair passage at Xmas and birthdays and holidays what are my entitlements please. Regards
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Dec 2015
I'm afraid this is always a tricky question to answer as unless you applied for parental responsibility, then you have no legal rights. Much depends on whether your ex wants you to see the children. If she is set against it, you may be able to take it to court, but it cannot be predicted which way the court will rule. However, it is best if you can agree on an arrangement between you by keeping the relationship break-up amicable. Please see link: Developing an Amicable Relationship With Your Ex, here. I hope this helps.
Hilly 14 Dec 2015
My wife recently walked out and has gone living abroad with another man, leaving me to look after out 11 year old son who has Down's syndrome. How do I prevent her from applying for a passport to take him abroad. I have his current passport
thor 12 Dec 2015
I have been married to a woman who had young twins for 7 years , I have my own son also the twins are not my biological kids but call me dad and i am the only father they have ever known. She wants to divorce separation is already started what are my rights to the twins, do i have any legally to see these twins as i said i am the only farher they know what can i do. thank you
SeparatedDads Editor 11 Dec 2015
You would really need to take this to court. It is your ex's prerogative not to include you on the birth certificate. However, it is also illegal to register another man as your son's father. You can apply for Parental Responsibility and access should you wish, through the courts. Parental Responsibility will give you certain rights and decision making responsibilities over the upbringing of your child, and you will also be made responsible for supporting your child financially. You may find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful, as there are many other dads going through the same thing that can offer advice and support. I hope this helps.
Clueless 11 Dec 2015
Six months ago I had a son with a married woman, with whom I'd been in a long-term affair, and now she has suddenly denied me all access to him (although she will still allow my mum to visit). My son's mother has consistently refused to name me on my son's birth certificate (a sore point for me) because she does not want me to have a say over his life or upbringing. I'm not sure if this gives her husband parental responsibility (he moved back with his parents last year and shares custody of their five year old daughter) but I believe that I have no say at all. She is not a British citizen but has been granted residency in the UK. I'm worried that my son will be told that some other guy is his dad and therefore my objective is to get my name on his birth certificate and to secure at least some access to my son so that we can maintain a relationship. I'm a fish out of water with this stuff and, whilst my story might not be the most straightforward, any advice on where to start would be much appreciated.
SeparatedDads Editor 11 Dec 2015
This is a tricky question to answer because it has no real answer. You also don't say whether you were getting paid CTC when you were seen as the main carer and why this has changed once your ex came back on the scene. The government does not seem to have moved on and taken into consideration that families do separate and do share care. It means Child Tax Credits (CTC) like Child Benefit, can only be allocated to one parent. Where this cannot be agreed, then HMRC consider who to award it to, through its 'main responsibility test' i.e., which parent has the main caring burden for the child. A parent may lose out on this by just a few hours per week, making it seem grossly unfair. Some parents decide to split payments, i.e one receives CB and the other CTC. Or they work it out between them. I can only suggest mediation in order to sort it out, however, if your ex refuses mediation, then it would mean you may have to take the matter to court. If you are not seen as the main carer in the eyes of the court, then you will lose out and have court costs to pay also.
Del 10 Dec 2015
Hi I really need some advice about my children's tax credits, I have been fighting since 2014 when the children were taken from their mother and placed in my care. I have been looking after my children since me and the mother spilt. Now I been to court and payed the fees to get the mother 50/50 access so we both have the same amount of time with the children but not having money handed over from her is really getting me down and feel like I'm not doing the best for my children. I've always worked and finished work to look after my children more at home, but being on jobseeker's on £136 every two weeks isn't helping. I tried to claim the child tax credits through CAB which we posted all the forms they asked for. This is my 3rd try at claiming the tax credits since 2014 but each time I get refused. I ask the mother to send money across for the weeks I have the children but her reply kills me more when she says that she's in titled to all their money, but when I see the girls they haven't had money spend on them. Now their mother has had a new child and it's makes it worse cause she using the money on the new born and not are children. I just need to know what to do now cause with every bit of money I have spent on the children has left in debt with a lot of people. While she's spending the child tax credits on herself and new boyfriend and new born.
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Dec 2015
I'm afraid this is very difficult to comment on as really this is between you both to negotiate and come to a reasonable agreement. There are no rule books regarding how you split your time, but I imagine it doesn't make it any easier to divide your time if you have two jobs. Hopefully mediation may help you come to arrangement. When both parents have parental responsibility it is ultimately about fairly co-sharing the care of your child.
Jay 10 Dec 2015
So currently I have my daughter, who's 4, every Saturday night. I have a 9-5 job but I'm also self employed so have to work some Saturday nights. When I work at the weekend I always see my daughter in the day time and during the day on Sunday but she stays with my mum while i'm at work. My ex has always had a problem with this and causes no end of arguments as she doesn't understand that what I do is work. I've suggested that wee change the access agreement so I will have my daughter Friday and Saturday nights every other week as well as sunday daytimes ever week as thats when my ex works. And i wouldn'tr work the weekends I have overnight visits. I don't want to do this but the atmosphere is toxic so its my last hope We're due to go to mediation and I'm not confident she'll admit to any compromise not even the one I suggested above. Suppose my question is that if we went to court how likely would I be to get the agreement above or even better no change? Suppose my question is that if we go to court could they impose an order
SeparatedDads Editor 4 Dec 2015
Please see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. Plus the Bar Council has a very good guide, Lots of non-resident parents are having some good success taking this route, especially if they prepare their case well.
fenton26 4 Dec 2015
Need advice, Just went to solicitors today regarding access to my new born son and the fees that they charge is sky high, my options are starting to be very limited, my ex partner currently lives in oxford and i live in devon so quite a trek, however she is only giving me 2 hours too see him and with her being there which is fine and her parents will be there. Apparantley legal aid no longer exists, what other options do I have?
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Dec 2015
I'm afraid this is a situation that many non-resident parents are confronted with over Christmas and public holidays. It is too late now to take something like this to court, if you want to apply for a court order for access over Christmas. However, if you are still unhappy with the access arrangements in the new year, I suggest in the first instance you suggest mediation. Please see article: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If your ex refuses mediation, and you still wanted to pursue this, you would have to apply through the courts. I hope this helps.
Scott 2 Dec 2015
My ex is limiting my access to my 2 children to when she sees suitable (mainly every other weekend so she can go out) and is also saying no to seeing them for half of Christmas Day allowing a couple of hours in the evening although I have work Boxing Day she isn't changing the fact I can only have them for a full day then knowing I have work, how can I legally see my children for a fair time during holidays birthdays and a guaranteed period on a week to week basis? Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Dec 2015
Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, herewhich may help you.
Bill 1 Dec 2015
I ain't seen my kids in 4 months the mum is playing god with them
martyn 28 Nov 2015
hi, my ex isn't allowing me to take my children away from her local area when visitation occurs and is also very restrictive with who can see them, also she has moved 6 times in 5 years and I'm at the end of my tether any advice would be great thanks
wa 27 Nov 2015
Please I need help, I have a court order for 7 days dad and 7 days with mum, however the magistrates gave me every Monday till 5pm over school holiday, that gave me 13 days more on the order. 2 weeks before a tribunal on tax credits and HMRC their to see the result my ex sudmited a claim to the police that I assaulted my daughter on holiday!!!!! this of course dident happen ad the police after interviewing my daughter and my eldest daughter and her mum on my character, all the aligation got NFA with no crime committed and in conjunction with this she also put a harassment against me for passing her in the street!!!!! that got NFA is well!!!! as I have a camra in the car to cover my whereabouts!!!!! During this time I was on bail and she submitted a change in order requests to the court!!!! and we only had the standing one in 21/5/15. I dident see the kids for 2 months and after as I was on bail!!! during this tie she refused the contact back? so I put in a enforcement order!!! she never turend up for the tribunal and its been ojurend till 3/12/15 but now I cant see the kids as she has alioneted them from me and my family and has done the same with the school as she has said the kids are petrified of their dad!!!!!!!!! when she took my daughter to the police I had my boys and was toll she was sick so I left it for a few days but it was quit clear whar she was up to!!!!! been to court 4 times in the last 2 months and due to cafcas not turning up an my ex not turning up it has left the next hearing in jan 2016!!!!! and she refused contact over xmas!!!!! on the last court date she ddent turn up due th having a police drugs raid o the house and finding cannabis and drugs equipment!!!!! olso the house was summited to social services for the dirty condition!!!! the judge could not give me access as the mum has concerns but all made up and wors put in the children's heads "parental alienation in a bad way" How can the judge not do something as we know the risks with drugs as her boyfriend is the local dealer and see the da as a higher risk!!!!!!!!!!!! I absolutely put major preshure on him and cafcas on this but he said I have to follow the red book!!!!!! can ou please help me as I need guidance as even the best solisotor advice did not help me!!!! we are at tribunal again in a week on tax credits and as I was the majority present I may get awarded some help with cresh cost and child tax credits as I have had no help over the last 2 years with brining the kids up and had to finance it all my self!!! its a shame that fathers get treated this way when the wish to be a major part of his childerens life? any advice will be gratefully accepted?
SeparatedDads Editor 26 Nov 2015
You would have to agree between you mutually regarding the care of your children. However, if you can't agree and you wish to take your children out or have overnight access, then you could try mediation. Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If your ex refuses mediation, then please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. You would have to go through the process laid out in the article if you wanted to take it further. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Nov 2015
I am sorry to hear this. You can apply through the courts on the form C4 which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. You can do this as part of applying for access and while the courts may not reveal the address (if your ex wants to keep it confidential) it will allow you to take her to court for contact. I hope this helps.
micky 25 Nov 2015
Hello, I have recently seperated from my wife, although we are seperating informally. Can i visit to see my 2 children as my wife has allowed me to visit her place, but she is not allowing me to take the childrens out.
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Nov 2015
I am sorry to hear this. Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. I will also post an edited version of your comment on our Separated Dads Facebook page. Our followers are dads, many of whom have been through this situation before and have come out the other side and are great at giving advice. Please refer to the Separated Dads Facebook page for your replies.
bear 25 Nov 2015
Me and ex splitting up years ago. And I was having my kids on weekends or when it suited her. The thing is this be the second xmas since I've seen them been mediation been to citizens advice and sent letters been up there. And can't seem to find her or get hold of her. Even got csa taking 400 out my wages and they can't even get hold of her, and worse part is she changed there last names. Just don't understand why as we was getting on so well. Is there any help out there that would help me in this situation.
Mr Hawkins 24 Nov 2015
Hello - a quickish question. Me amd my partner have recently separated and we have a one year old daughter. The relationship broke down nd she took my daughter with her to my protests. I work a decent shift pattern, with 2 days, 2 nights and 6 days off. I have made it clear that I would have her for all 6 days off, every night as I know she finds it hard to deal with our girl. I never have a problem with her. She will barely let me have her for 2 nights in my 6 off. She moved back to her parents and her working pattern is erratic. She doesn't even spend that much time with our daughter. It's all on her parents. Now I have said I want my daughter more and she is constantly giving excuse after excuse to not let me see her. It's starting to make me very depressed. She is pushing me to the point where I am considering going to the courts. But I don't know how it will fare and I am terrified that if I do they will side with her and I may end up seeing my daughter less. I really do not know what to do. Please can someone help?
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Nov 2015
I am sorry to hear this. Your only option is to apply through the international courts for access, which unfortunately costs.
dad 23 Nov 2015
please help. my wife and i are seperated we have a 3yr old daughter. we are both zimbabweans but shes stays in england. our daughter is british by being born there. my ex does not grant me any access yo the baby and i stay in zimbabwe. she can come to zimbabwe and stay for 2 or 3 months without disclosing her whereabouts and i dont get to c our child. what can i do to exercise my rights as a father
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Nov 2015
Has she admitted this? Sometimes information via texts or phones can be misleading. If she has, I can only suggest you take legal advice as it is an offence to give false information when registering a birth. If you need more online information regarding your options Just Answer may be able to help via whichHowever, your son cannot force his partner to stay with him, that is up to her to decide.
Lidy 20 Nov 2015
Please some urgent advise It came about just before November that by sons fiancé had been having an affair then last Thursday he saw a picture on phone of a Dna report with the caption "see he is mine" my son is on the birth certificate as the father, Friday morning she left for dr appointment and never returned he is devastated and still wants her and the child no matter what, she has only contacted him a couple of times saying their ok and in a hotel which I expect the other person is paying for I need to know if she can legally do this and if they can go and change the birth certificate. We have not had our own Dna test done and know nothing of the other or what we should legally be doing regarding this terrible situation.
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Nov 2015
If you can't agree between you, you could suggest mediation to your ex. Mediation is when two or more parties meet to resolve problems before the matter reaches court. It is most often used in family proceedings, Contact Orders, residence agreements and divorce. It is a formal negotiation and courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? whichIf your ex refuses to attend mediation and you want to seek an official agreement, you would have to take the matter to court. I hope this helps.
V 17 Nov 2015
Me and my girlfriend broke up 9 month ago our daughter is nearly 1 years old we had set our agreement and its seems like everytime me and my ex argue the agreement change and i was wondering what can i do and how to make sure she cant change the agreements and she has our daughter for every single occasion such as easter Christmas new year, i dont mind her having our daughter for for easter and Christmas as i am muslim but i would like to have her atlest for new years eve and day and eid witch dosent seem to happen
Mark 13 Nov 2015
Me and my spouse have been separated. For 6months and she has just served divorce papers we have a boy of a year old but i now help belive. He is not mine but iam onthe birth certificate is there any way i can have my name taken of it.
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Nov 2015
You don't say how old your son is now and how long this has been going on, which makes it tricky to answer your question. If your son is over the age of 11, then his opinion will be taken into consideration when asked whether he wants contact with you. Therefore, I can only suggest you seek some legal advice regarding your options, as if your ex refuses mediation, then the only way around this would be to take it to court. If you wanted to be kept informed of your son's schooling and you have Parental Responsibility (you don't say whether you have), then you would have to apply for a Specific Issue Order, if you want access then you would have to apply for a Contact Order.
Trottet 12 Nov 2015
Broke up with my partner 11 and half years ago was seeing son every other weekend. This gradually broke down to nothing as he was turned against me. Sent birthday and christmas presents but these where always returned. I have paid my money every month without fail. As followed my son through school going to parents evenings until one year phoned primary school only to be told he had left the school, bearing in mind i have parental responsibility i should of been consulted. I managed to find out new school and set up arrangement as before. Fast forward to him leaving and going to secondary school, phoned his primary school to find out which school he moved to only to be told as ther is a court order against me they cant tell me. Thats news to me that there was court order so ex had lied to school and they took it on hear say that there was. I then contacted local education told them whats going on sent them proof of id and parental responsibiliy. They came back to me and said the head master had asked my son if he would like me to be involved to which ex and son said no. Im at a loss now as local education are going against parental responsibility, any advice would be great thank you
Claud 11 Nov 2015
Hi I have a very quick question. It may seem silly!! Is there any law or right I have over my daughters hair? I have my 2 children (both under 5) half the time, my ex and I are still married but due divorce very soon. She seems to insist on cutting my daughters hair as it gets to a good length! When I pull her up about it and show I'm not so happy, she just laughs and tells me to 'grow up'.
partner trying to h 11 Nov 2015
Just to add to my question below that I meant to say 'set up' in the situation although I appreciate this doesn't matter to a court as he has a restraining order and that will be in in their eyes. And that due to the animosity and complete lack of structure the eldest child is often left in the position of being a go between over arrangements which seems very unfair pressure to put on a 12 year old.
partner trying to h 11 Nov 2015
My partner is subject to a restraining order after accusations from the mother of his two children. No violence was involved and there is reason to believe he may have been up in the situation this resulted from. Even after the order was in place she knocked on his door when I was there which seems odd behaviour for someone who has just got a restraining order! He has never been accused of anything relating to his children and is desperate to see them regularly. However he cannot get an agreement in place with his ex for regular contact. He is allowed to email and text over practicalities but when trying to sort out when he can see his kids is often subjected to abuse, told they are busy or arrangements he manages to make are regularly changed at the last minute. My question is whether a restraining order will affect him getting a contact order setting out when he can see his children to avoid this? I would have thought that a court would see it as in the interests of the children to have regular structure and this would reduce the need for contact between parents in the circumstances but he feels it will work against him. Can anyone in this situation please advise? Thank you.
Finch 11 Nov 2015
Can someone please advice me? My daughter lives in Northern Ireland and I in England. There is a Residency Order and a Contact Order in place which described the contact I should have in 2015. This contact order is due to run out after a weeks contact in November. The mother is very uncooperative and will not avail of contact without a court order. I had to fight a lengthy court battle in Northern Ireland in order to get any contact. I am unable to travel to Northen Ireland until at least February due to the fact I am in the military and am on 4 hours stand by until then. I am considering, once my daughter is in my care, applying for a Prohibited Steps order in my local court with an aim to keep her within the courts jurisdiction until I have a Contact Order in place; therefore obliging the mother to come to England to attend a court hearing. Will this course of action be approved by the court? Will the Manchester court suspend the Residency Order from the NI court in order for me to have contact? Your thoughts and advice would be most welcome.
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Nov 2015
I am sorry to hear this. Your situation is not unusual and is one that many men face. However, you are doing the right thing by taking this to mediation or to court in order to demand more time with your son. The courts want fathers to spend time with their children, so please continue your fight. You may find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful. We had a recent posting from a father in a similar situation. Our followers who have faced similar problems before are great at posting affirmative and objective solutions, you may want to give it a read. Best of luck.
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Nov 2015
Christmas is always a difficult time with regards to split-parenting and it is where many disagreements arise. If your ex will not consent to mediation to try and sort this out, then in the future, you could take it to court and apply for a Specific Issue Order here. However, you may have left it a bit late for this year as the courts get very busy over Christmas. Otherwise, there is very little you can do apart from try and agree this issue between yourselves and find a way around it that gives you both time with your children.
Craigsmith 9 Nov 2015
Hello there. My wife cheated on my and I left. She has filed for divorce and she is not allowing me more than 1 day a week with my son aged 5. I'm a good farther as we both marriaged and had IVF treatment for a beautiful chance of having a child and we was successful. I'm currently with a solicitor defending myself as her terms do not allow me more access. She's a higher earner than me and she has the family home in which we have joint mortgage. I feel she is using my son to hurt me Into signing over my life and son to a very controlling person that almost distroyed me. I feel that loving caring fathers feel the pain as well as seeing the pain this causes in my sons eyes is very hard to have happen to there life. It's been almost 4 months now and I think my son needs me as much as I need him. Please help
Gman 9 Nov 2015
I split with the mother of my 2 boys around 2 years ago. Since then i have paid for them every month and i also have them live with me half of the time. I buy school uniform, take them on holidays, take them to school, pay for haircuts etc etc everything a good dad should. Last Xmas mother had the boys Xmas eve through to Xmas lunchtime. I have requested that this year we swap and i have them for the same period she did last year. She has refused stating she is the mother and they will be with her every Xmas eve and Xmas morning. I have politely explained that this isnt fairand i as their dad would like us to alternate this so we both have equal Xmas time with them. She still blatantly refuses telling me its tough she wont change her mind. Can i do anything?
Bec's 7 Nov 2015
Hiya I split with my ex when I was 6weeks pregnant with our little girl as he decided drugs over me. She is now nearly 2years old.this year he took me too court and won parental responsibilities. He has not provided for his child.he don't ask about his child.he sees her on a Saturday for 3hours but that's it. Also he's still on drugs after the court told him to come clean before he can have unsupervised access to her for 30mins at a time as we are going by the speed of a child under 2years old as she doesn't really know who he is proper. How can I take his rights from him he aint on the birth certificate either
SeparatedDads Editor 4 Nov 2015
You would have to apply for a Specific Issue Order, If you wish to take your child on holiday. I suggest you apply for this sooner, rather than later, as it can take time.
marvin 3 Nov 2015
Hi I have a 5 year old daughter living with her mother. I want to take her on her first holiday abroad next year but her mum is saying she doesn't trust me. In the past few months I have expressed how I want her to live with me full time. Now she is saying she does not trust me to take her abroad. I realise I need her consent but if she doesn't give it how can I take my daughter abroad?
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Nov 2015
Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. If his ex refuses to let him see the children, then your partner would have to go through the procedure laid out in the article. Many fathers have to take this route when they can no longer tolerate the instability of not having regular access which an official court order can offer. If an official court order is put in place, then his ex would have to abide by this, otherwise she would be in breach. On another note, if you feel as though your are your partner are being harassed (harassment is when someone behaves in a way which makes you feel distressed, humiliated or threatened), then please see how you can take action regarding this whichI hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Nov 2015
She can do this. Unfortunately, a mediation agreement is not an official agreement. The only option your partner has to facilitate an official agreement, is to take it to court. This means if his ex tries to stop access, then she will be in breach of the court order. Please see our partner article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. He would need to go through the procedure laid out in the text. I hope this helps.
peanut 30 Oct 2015
I split from my wife 3 years ago , she accused me of adultery but did not have prof of this neither did she file for divorce , I am in the process of divorcing her she wouldn't pay for it , I haven't had my childen for the last 3 Christmas's this year being no different , my wife still feels she can control me I do see my children not as much as I would like as she always has plans but those plans never materialise as the children never seem to do anything with her , every time I text to ask to see the children I send a list of half terms dates and weekends it takes her a long time to reply then I get a barrage of abusive text messages when we do finally have plans to see the children the night before we end up having a row over texts then when the kids are with me myself and my children are bombarded with calls and texts can my wife do this she is putting our children in the middle of all of this they are 16 & 12 I do have a new partner that this weekend my wife started to abuse over Facebook and text this is putting my children in a awkward position as they feel they need to hide it to protect us
kylie carp 30 Oct 2015
My partners having issues with his ex with-holding him seeing the kids here and there normally for stupid reasons. He has a mediation agreement with her but she keeps breaking this. Now she is stopping him seeing them because he hasn't told her he moved. he has every intention to tell her but he wants to surprise the kids first but shes saying he has to tell her first or he wont be allowed to see them. Can she do this when he does have parental responsibility too? Also she has changed the childrens names on twitter etc without his permission. Can she do this?
SeparatedDads Editor 30 Oct 2015
Mediation has to be agreed between both parties, therefore it is unlikely your ex would consent to shared residency if she is being awkward over basic access. Plus mediation is not a legal/official agreement. If you can't reach an agreement through mediation, then your only recourse would be to apply through the courts, where whatever is ruled will be made official.
SeparatedDads Editor 30 Oct 2015
Please see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. Many fathers are taking this route and having much success if they prepare their cases well.
Dedicated Dad 30 Oct 2015
Hi, my ex and I split when our son was about 15 months old. I am on the birth certificate and have been there since day one for my son. My ex has restricted me to less than 10 hours a week which is ludicrous (Im a good Dad, I pay maintenance, I've got my house all set up ready for him with his own room, I have a good stable job and am a nice person) and she has showed real signs of using him as a weapon to control and upset me with no reason to at all. She has agreed to mediation but she seems to be delaying, I would like 50/50 access to my son or close to 50/50, with three overnights a week. Since the change in the law in 2013 I think it was, would you say this is reasonable? Thankyou for reading.
swoppit 30 Oct 2015
Hi. My question is - how can fathers who haven't got the finances to take matters to court.? They can no longer get legal aid. mediation isn't free.
SeparatedDads Editor 28 Oct 2015
I am very sorry to hear of your situation. As emotional as it is when splitting up, you need to firstly distance yourself from the anger that your ex is causing you, please see: Checklist: the Emotional Stages After Separation, whichSome of the other 'emotional' pages may help you come to terms with this. You should then either suggest mediation, or if your ex is denying you access, then you should think about taking this to court in order to gain access. Please see the most recent question/posting on our Separated Das Facebook page which is along similar lines. Our followers who have been through this situation before have given some great advice on how to best deal with this. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Oct 2015
Yes, I'm afraid court is the only option. Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here which shows you the procedure your son needs to take. I hope this helps.
tam 27 Oct 2015
I have a son who is 5 1/2yrs old now, he is in primary 2 and means the absolute world to me. I split with his mum about 4months or so ago. In that time we still lived together as we have a joint mortgage, up until about 2 weeks ago when she moved back to her mums and i moved into a council flat. I have not been working for the past 6 months as i lost my job, and i have been going through a bit of a hard time at the moment, as i feel extremely depressed every single day but seeing my son makes me feel a hundred times better. But now my ex is now starting to get nasty, threatening with not letting me see my son and even calling the police if i dont have him back by a certain time. My son has more of a home with me he has his own room, bed and his toys etc in it, at his grans (ex's mum) he shares a room with his aunty (ex's sister) and his mum and shares a single bed. There is now 7 people staying in that house and even more when his cousins etc are all in, and its been known in the past for my son to come home with bruises, marks, even bite marks after leaving there. I fear for him when he is out there. I know aswell that my ex would drop my son in a minute to go out with whoever..and i mean another male as i have found that out recently to be true aswell. She seems as if she doesnt care anymore and only seems bothered when i have our son, i have found out in recent weeks she has had pregnancy tests and also morning after pills, how can any respectable mother do something like that? When all they say is they care about there son etc...surely thats putting our son second best? I am now starting to lose patience with my ex as i am sick of her making out she is mother of the year!!! When really shes nothing better than the girls who sell themseleves on street corners.
HELP!!!!!! 26 Oct 2015
Hi, my son and his ex spilt 4 months ago. They had a child who is now 8 months. At first she allowed the child to stay with him the night now she has stopped all access and blocked all communication. If he calls around to talk she calls the police...even threatened him with police when they bumped into each other in supermarket and he said hi to his daughter. She has refused mediation when they first split and been very nasty. None of our family are allowed to see his daughter even to the point of been threatened by her father. My son is on the birth certificate so is court the only option now? Thanks
marva 25 Oct 2015
i ve been separated from my kids mom for 5 years.at first everything was fine we had a good relationship.now that she has a new boyfriend i feel my rights have been violated. she normally stays with me on the weekend but now its changed. he refuses to talk things out but i hear him talking crap in the background when i m face timing my daughter. shes told me she has been left at home alone at night shes only six.what should i do?
Cap Ali 24 Oct 2015
Please some advice I want to part of my son life so bad but struggle to afford to get down to Southampton as I do have daughter to support to I have always said to my ex that it's not problem to go down pick him up and bring him bk to Scotland for a few days and I'd bring him bk which we have done before but last couple of years she won't let him come . I even ly suspended maintance due to the fact I paid for school photos of my son to be sent to me through my ex and the fact she not answering the phone .so hard feel worthless as a father for my son I can't afford lawyers makes it worst as I don't qua!ify for legal aid what can I do
Cap Ali 24 Oct 2015
I have been apart from my ex for over 5 years and in that time she moved to England taking our son with her and it has been difficult to see him or talk to him as I still live in Scotland she is from Scotland to but moved there to be with her now husband taking our son away from both sides of the family hers and mine . I have been down a couple times to Southampton where my son lives . I was told by lawyers at the time that I couldn't stop her taking my son to England law is so wrong I now am married with a daugther it makes it harder to get down to see my son so desperate to be part of his life but his mother won't let unless on her terms which are bad . so confused with the laws on both Scots law and English law makes it worst don't know what to do I pay maintance so my son should stay with me for a short time I think period the law must change as it dosnt help fathers at all .
What's-best 23 Oct 2015
Gill walked out on Mark before Neil was born. When Neil was born Gill gave him to a childless married couple so that they could care for him. Neil is now 18 months old and when Mark saw him recently it was clear to him that he had a strong bond with this couple. Mark would like custody but he is concerned about the potential emotional impact of taking Neil away from the safe, loving environment that he has grown up in since birth. The couple have said that if they have custody they will allow both Gill and Mark to have contact (separately because of the animosity between them). What is best for Neil? (I am a member of one of the extended families.)
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Oct 2015
You may wish to suggest mediation in order to come to an agreement between you. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? whichIf your son is now 13, then his opinion will also be taken into account, which means if your son continues to profess a desire not to see his father, then the father may not have much of a case to answer.
Jojo78 22 Oct 2015
My sons father walked out on his life nearly 11 years ago when our son was 2. He has never shown any interest in his son, no communication at all! Recently the father decides to get in contact and wants access. Bearing in mind he lives in Scotland and us in West Midlands. I agree with his rights to see his son but his son doesn't want to see him after how he left and the way I was treated. With the distance I don't understand how he expects to see his son. I told him visits would have to be supervised as it has been so long and he would have to come up with a plan to get down to England to see him. Do you have any advice?? Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Oct 2015
This is a question that comes up frequently, but is one where there is no real answer. While you may have parental responsibility, there are no specific rules governing when you can and can't see your child, this is to be arranged between you and your ex. If you can't agree, you have two options; either to attend mediation, please see link: Mediation- What is is and is it for me? here . If your ex refuses to attend mediation, you would have to take it through court. Many parents try to hold their children to ransom, so the non-resident parent either finds themselves not wanting to rock the boat and going along with the ex's wishes, or deciding to stand up for their rights and take the issue to court in order to gain official access. This usually happens when either access is denied, or the demands or requests of the resident parent become untenable. If access is granted through the courts and your ex witholds access, then she will be in breach of the court order. You may find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful as many fathers are going through the same or very similar issues. I hope this helps.
Apex 21 Oct 2015
Hi, Firstly, thank you for all of the information provided on your website here. I have a 2 year old son, with my ex. I have a new partner who I have been with for over a year now and my ex is still refusing to 'allow' my partner to meet my son. I pay full maintenance towards my son, which both my ex and I have agreed upon and I only get to see him once a week, for a few hours at my parents house. I'm not allowed to pick my son up from nursery, have him in my car (Mazda 6 Estate), have him on my own for the day (I'm 'allowed' to have him for a few hours on my own). I call him a few times a week, but with my working hours and his sleeping pattern, by the time I get home, he's getting into bed, and I know how excited he is when I call him, so I don't want to over excite him when he's going to sleep... But I digress... I guess I'm asking for information/advice on the rights I have (as named father on birth certificate) for A) My son to meet my partner. B) What rights I have with regard to access & him staying over with us over the weekend (We have dogs, but he is used to dogs, as my ex and I got a dog before son was born) and C) If I do need to go to court to get all of this in writing, or if it's something I can say to my ex without having to go to court. I don't believe that my requests to her are unreasonable, and my partner has even wished to meet my ex before meeting my son, to which there is no movement. If any other fathers have been in this situation before, any help or guidance is much appreciated as well. Thanks you so much for taking the time to read this very long inquiry. All the best.
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Oct 2015
I'm glad you have managed to sort your separation out amicably. If you have parental responsibility, are named on the birth certificate as the father and are integral to your children's lives, then naturally, should anything unfortunately happen to your ex, then you would be considered your children's natural guardian. However, if you wanted to legally ensure this, then your ex could, through a solicitor, draw up a guardianship proviso in her will.
Gutted Father 19 Oct 2015
Hi, I have recently split from the mother of my 2 little boys, whatever I think of her she is a great Mother and I am comfortable that the boys live with her. My eldest is 4 and as such my understanding is that I have parental responsibility for them as their natural father named on their birth certificates. I contribute an agreed amount each month for them and pay by bank transfer so there is evidence, I also call and speak to them every morning and night! My ex has been very good and allows me to see them when I want, so far! If anything were to happen to her however my understanding, as we were not married, is that the boys would not automatically become my responsibility, is this true? If it is could I ask for some guidance on what I could do to make sure that I would please? It is vital to me that, while my ex has been resonable with the boys, I would look after them if anything terrible would happen. Thank you in advance.
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Oct 2015
While he could attempt to apply for residency through the courts, it would be extremely rare for him to be granted it, especially if he has never been an integral part of his daughter's life. The courts will always rule for the minimum amount of upheaval in your child's life and it will always rule what is in the best interests of your child, which is the stability of a happy home.
Bella 19 Oct 2015
Hi,I have a 9 year old daughter, Myself and my her father of split up before I I gave birth. After she was born he contacted by me to ask see her,and if he could be register for her? So we can did register for her together. We are never going ever got back together. For first 3 years possession he was in n out always be had pick between the swing daughter or pick whoever is he was seeing at time? Always be disappeared from the month of to months. Never got any money from him,he's still be hiding from csa £6.077.99 in arrears and I got letter in other day asking me if want to wait move with knew company and that's taking over csa as he in enforcement? . Also he is insisting he has equal rights? Also I have always gave him visiting rights him and family. His family and never got involved till she 3 years old,.I give her to them every Saturday and of motown head.Also give her dad visiting the of my own head.There is no court order for him,or his family. I have put up with it as not about me.Want her no family. But now he's threatening to me get her. Can he do this?
none 16 Oct 2015
My ex will not let me see my son, even tho I have visitation rights. this has been 3 months. Her dad does not mind paying large attorney cost so she keeps me in family court all the time and I always get hit with judgments.I went to family court in Denton owning no one, now I owe $15,000 approx. in judgments, have do testing and classes and pay for everything, which is more than I make. Ex will not let me see my son. I doubt I will ever get out of family court, she just wants me in jail and the judges could care less. All started with her friend telling a lie and I could never face her in court, she show up the first day and never again, Judge did not give a darn, her mind was made up anyway. I really need help but do not have money for attorney. My life will never be the same and I will never see the end of the debts which will probably put me in jail soon, I will loose a good job and be more in debt for not paying child support. will this misery ever end and does anyone really care, no.
azza 14 Oct 2015
My ex recently passed away and we have a 6 year old together she would never let me see her but still paid child matience my daughter is with her grandmother who was allowing me to have phone contact with her hopefully moving towards one to one contact I saw her once then her gran started ignoring my calls and blanking me I haven't sen or heard from my daughter in 4 mths my name is on her birth certificate but me and her mam wernt married I'd just like to know we're I stand could I go get my daughter or would the law not allow this as I'm not getting any were with the grandmother ?
Niki 14 Oct 2015
I'm single mam bat my exs partner father oFf my son want to apply for farst passport for my son.can him apply for
Tina 14 Oct 2015
Hi can I claim parental rights without parental rights order
Kett 11 Oct 2015
My son was given a British passport by myex husband which I was not aware that my ex partner name the child after his husband but I also perform my parental responsiblity can I also stand on the child to get a stay here in the uk
pj 10 Oct 2015
Hi me and my partner split 11 months ago and I left everything at our house which is fine but now I've moved on bought my own place etc she is stopping me see the children and demands more money than the csa say I have to pay. Is the only way I can see my kids is through court ? She says she will call police if I go there and won't even let me speak to them on the phone. I haven't seen them for 4 weeks now
James 10 Oct 2015
My daughter is 8 months old. I am on the birth certificate. We are still legally married we are in the process of getting a divorce. we are not living together. She used to let me see my daughter on my days off work. but she all the sudden stopped because she is paranoid that I'm going to keep my daughter and not return her. so she is no longer letting me take my baby. There is no custody established. we have not gone to court for the child. we are just both on the birth certificate. Can she get away with this? What can I do? I want my time with my daughter! Please help me.
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Oct 2015
If your name is on the birth certificate, then you automatically have parental responsibility. Regardless of whether you have PR, your ex could stop you seeing your son. However, because you have PR, you would be in your rights to challenge this in court. You will be classed as his biological father in the eyes of the court, until your ex consented to prove otherwise through a DNA test. I hope this helps.
Oagy 8 Oct 2015
I'm separated from my wife and we have a son aged 14 I've paid support 4 him since we parted but on several occasions she said he wasn't mine I got in touch with the CSA 4 DNA test in which my ex did not want 1 so they closed the case my name is on the birth certifate as his dad (which in my eyes iam) can she stop me seeing him r my parental rights at risk ?
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Oct 2015
I'm afraid as you are based in South Africa, I cannot answer your question. We are a UK-based site, that has knowledge of, and deals only with UK-based family law.
Rooies 6 Oct 2015
Me and my ex have split up bur still living in the same apartment. She has a 3 year old daughter and then we hav a 10 month old girl together. She is making plans to move far away with the children. Is there a chance that I can get custody of my biological daughter?
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Oct 2015
I'm afraid there are no cut-and-dry rules here, regardless of whether you have Parental Responsibility. If your ex is refusing to let you spend time alone with your child, you have three options. Firstly, to discuss the matter with her rationally and try to come to an agreement. Secondly, if she still refuses, to suggest mediation. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here which will bring in a neutral third party to try to and reach a decision. The courts prefer you to suggest/try mediation before any court application. Thirdly, if your ex refuses mediation, or you can't come to a conclusion via mediation, then you will have the option to apply through the courts for a Specific Issue Order, please see link: Specific Issue Orders, here. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Oct 2015
It is a bit of a tricky subject, and regardless of whether the house is in your name, if you have a partner and children, and your partner is the primary carer, then your partner can apply to the court for the right to continue living there to ensure your children’s welfare. Dependent upon your finances, you may also be eligible to pay child maintenance. You would therefore need to seek some legal advice.
dad 5 Oct 2015
I have a 1 year old daughter and the mother broke things up with me and refuses me to take the child and visit my family. her mother told me I cant be left with the child without my ex. before we broke up I was allowed to have my daughter and visit my family or spend a day with her and bring her back later without hassles now im being told that she is very young to be with me alone and if I me and my family want to see the child we must come to their house. please advise on this matter.
Justice for men 4 Oct 2015
My partner and I have split up and we have an 18 month old baby. The house is in my name but I want to sell it and buy another one. I've told her she can claim benefits for housing allowance but I can't afford to give her the house and pay child maintenance as I wouldn't be able to afford a place of my own. I have automatic parental responsibility as it is my surname on the birth certificate. Do I have to provide a roof over her head because she is the primary carer or do I only have to pay child maintenance? I would provide myself with a house so that our baby can have stay with me.
Lennonrules 3 Oct 2015
Myself and my wife spilt up when my daughter was only five months old. Since then I've done my best to support her the best way I can. I had over night access one day a week for two years and my ex wife has decided now that my daughter can no longer stop because my daughter got a bead stuck up her nose. I managed to free the bead causing no harm to my daughter and now my ex thinks I cannot be trusted. Piror to this she has not had a slip, trip or fall in my care and she loves spending time with me. What are my rights to over night access? Can she stop this and only allow me access at her house whilst everyone else sits there and watches me.
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Oct 2015
I can only suggest that if she doesn't agree and you really want to psuh the issue, that you suggest mediation, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If your ex does not consent to mediation then you could apply through the courts for a Specific Issue Order, You could also apply for an arrangement order which was more official than the access you have currently. However, there is no guaranteeing the court will rule in your favour - I'm afraid this is the chance you would have to take.
Din 2 Oct 2015
Been almost a year since wife left taking our 2 boys aged 12&7 with her .had cafcass report in dec 2014 ,cafccass officer spoke with kids in his report he put kids wanted to come back to live with me.he said kids should live with their mother,that they needed time to settle in new home.kids still say they want to come back and live with me.got final hearing on 23 October what are the chances of me getting full custody
manipulated! 1 Oct 2015
I'm after some advice with regards to my son and ex wife. We divorced a few years ago and since the split I have had access to my son two days a week when I am off work so I can spend quality time with him. I also have him in the school holidays as well as when I am on annual leave. Over these years I have allowed my ex wife to have holidays away with new husband and friends whilst I've looked after him and also swapped days to accommodate accordingly for the care of my son and she has had him on his birthdays and Christmas even though I have wanted him on these occasions she hasn't been keen. Quite recently I have become concerned about the care of my son as he is getting palmed off onto friends, babysitters and family whilst my ex wife is out. My son has also said he is upset about not spending time with his mum and realises he is getting passed from pillar to post.This year I am off for Christmas and would really love to have my son for the day, my ex wife is being totally unreasonable saying that he will spend it with her as this is his wish, he is 10. I have tried to explain to my ex wife it would be fair to alternate and explain this to my son, it's not fair putting the choice to him as he will not want to see her upset. She will not see reason and I don't know what to do as everything has to be her way or the highway and I never seem to get a choice. I have stuck to my days for the past few years, never let him down and always paid for my son. My son has told me he has overheard her even badmouthing me to family (something she denies) I feel she is manipulating my son and being totally unfair. Any advice would be greatly appreciated?
Pete Editor 1 Oct 2015
@Zuly - You have the rights as the mother and the final say whether you put his name on the birth certificate or not - if you don't put his name on the birth certificate then he has no rights, unless he applies through the courts.
Zuly 30 Sep 2015
Im pregnant and not married and i feel like later in the future me and my bf will seperate and everytime we talk abput seperation he says he will take the baby and i said he cant just take my baby i need help who has the rights and who doesnt ?
SeparatedDads Editor 29 Sep 2015
I am sorry to hear this. You would have to apply through the courts for access. Firstly, you would have to try and trace your children, which can be done via the form C4, which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. Please also see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. I hope this helps and you get to see your children soon.
Ardird 29 Sep 2015
Hi My ex and I broke up recently, but I see my two girls regularly. My ex agreed they could stay with me on a weekend & a couple of nights a week. They stay 5 nights with me and I pay full maintenance. I took them to my parents last weekend in Wales and informed her that I would do so and she "granted me permission" to take them to Wales for the weekend. I have mentioned to my ex today that I plan to take them again for a weekend in November. She says she will think about it. Do I need her permission to tie them to my parents for the weekend? She says she will report me to the police for kidnapping if I take them without her permission. I don't agree with this, but also don't know if she's right legally. I have parental responsibility for both children and she agrees they stay with me 5 nights a week. I inform her of my plans out of courtesy, not to gain permission. Will I be in trouble with the police if I take them to my parents "without her permission"? Thanks
Neil47 28 Sep 2015
My partner ran off with my best friend and has taken my two daughters and I don't know where they are what can I do
SeparatedDads Editor 28 Sep 2015
As specified in the article, if you've been part of a couple where the children are yours and you don't have parental responsibility, you can still apply to court for certain types of orders, mostly contact orders to see your child. Also, please see When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichI hope this helps.
mikey 27 Sep 2015
My current partner has spilt with her bf after 14 years we plan to move in together but he's sayin he will go for custody of his child can he do that jus coz I will move in
dazza 26 Sep 2015
I had a baby with a friend while I was married now marriage is over but the mother of my baby didn't put me on birth certificate now she on about marrying another woman then letting her adopt my child I've seen my baby nearly every day since birth and paid towards her but now they nlt letting me see her and won't speak to me about sorting it out between us
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Sep 2015
This is a difficult question to answer, as I'm afraid there is no real answer. It depends on how much you want the situation to alter and what you are willing to sacrifice. If you choose to take it through the court process, then there is every chance you will antagonise your ex, who could realistically attempt to stop access. There is no guarantee either that the court will consent to more access, because it depends on how much your ex is willing to put up a fight. If it goes through the court process mediation will be suggested first. If your ex doesn't consent to mediation then Cafcass will get involved. Please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. This is where both parents will have their say and the report will be presented to the court. If you feel that you can't put up with the situation any longer, then it may be worth fighting for. However, it does mean that you may have interrupted access to your son. On the other hand, not wishing to put a negative spin on it, it could work out in your favour and you would not have to put up with your ex offering you titbits any longer and you may be awarded the opportunity to strike up a meaningful relationship with your son through more access. The courts do wish for fathers to have a more fulfilling relationship with their children, and will award more generous access where they can. I therefore suggest you seek some legal advice regarding your best way forward. I hope this helps.
Andy 24 Sep 2015
Hi i got divorced 5 years ago my son was 2 at the time i see him for 1 hour a week at my ex's house . He is now nearly eight and have asked my ex wife many times to take him out and have more contact with him than this but there always seems to be some excuse as to why this can't happen one being her telling my son that i cannot look after him properly , i pay £50 maintenance every week and have never skipped a payment . Where as my ex is not exactly denying access ' i feel 1 hr a week is severely affecting the type of relationship i can form with my son. Because i only see my ex on my visits to see my son i never get the opportunity to talk properly on matters of access ( as i said i only get 1 hr a week with him and don't really want to discuss this in front of him in case he gets upset if his mum says no). I know i have rights as a father but feel completely powerless in this situation i don't want to antagonize my ex wife because i feel she would cut off all contact if i did. Doe's anyone have any suggestions of what i could do. i tried to fill in the referral form but it is asking for details that my ex simply will not give me.
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Sep 2015
I am sorry to hear this. If she continues not to let you see your child, then you would have to apply through the courts for both Parental Responsibility and access once your child is born. Please see link: Parental Responsibility Guide and Letters, here which should explain what PR entails. I hope this helps.
Heath 22 Sep 2015
What rights do I have while my ex-girlfriend is pregnant? She's blocked my number so I can only contact her through email. She won't send me any pictures of the bump growing or tell me anything about how she feels, like if she's been I'll or anything. She won't tell me when the scans are or let me go to them but demands money to pay for them. She says I'm not going to be at the birth & the baby won't have my surname, I won't have a say in the name & that I won't be involved at all. Someone please help me
SeparatedDads Editor 21 Sep 2015
Not without her consent, unless he is the resident parent. Please see link, Can My Ex Stop Me Taking My Son on Holiday? here. I hope this helps.
pat 21 Sep 2015
Can my daughters ex boyfriend take his 1 year old son abroad for 2 weeks he is on birth certificate
Micky 19 Sep 2015
I have a three year old boy. I separated from my partner and she moved from the small island we lived on and I work on at the moment. I am seeing my son every month for a week or long weekend at her place. She refuse to let him come over. I don't drive and a visit costs me about a 109 pounds just in travel. I am looking to move nearer but I am feeling a bit lost as I seem to usef in to accommodate her social events etc my holidays have run out and I am in a right mess
waynealdo 18 Sep 2015
I need some advice i have a court order not to contact my ex wife directly or in directly but it does not say anything about contacting the kids.i have tried to go through mediation which she has ignored. i haven't seen my kids for 5 months. i did break my bail conditions and was sent to jail for 3 month.i have been out 5 weeks and heard nothing of my children i am desperate to see them what can i do any advice would be helpful dont know what to do next.
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Sep 2015
If your ex is unwilling to pay to help support your child, you can contact the CMS via the link here and they will explain your options. Also, I have included a link to our partner article: A guide to Child Support Payments, whichI hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Sep 2015
With regards to parental responsibility, you already have that, if you are married. If you are unhappy with the access situation you could apply through the courts for official access to your children, which means that your ex would be in breach of the court order if she refused contact at any point. However, this is always seen as the last resort and if access arrangements can be made amicably between you, all the better. Mediation is the most obvious step, if you can't agree between over an issue. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? whichMediation is when two or more parties meet to resolve problems before the matter reaches court. It is most often used in family proceedings, contact orders, residence agreements and divorce. It is a formal negotiation and courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval. I hope this helps.
jo 9 Sep 2015
HI AM JOAN ..my x left en we got a son together every time i ask him to help his son he says he is young en knows nothing en i want us to share his responsibilities wat do i do
AngelStar 8 Sep 2015
Hi, I have twin 7 year old daughters (8 in Oct). I split from my wife (married for 5 years) last June after she admitted to having an affair. Whilst the house was selling, she moved to a cottage and I let her have all the furniture, I continued to pay the mortgage until the house sold, but decided to move in with my mum. The house finally sold after 9 months in July this year and I am now saving to put a deposit on a house and to buy furniture. Everything was going fine and I had the girls 3 nights a week, but recently my ex-wife has said that girls aren't happy living with nanny and has suggested I become a weekend dad until I find somewhere. But when I ask the girls they said they are happy, but do want me to get my own place. Do you recommend I apply for official parental responsibility to ensure I get equal share of my girls? I did agree not to divorce her on grounds of adultery and that we would just divorce next June. I pay child maintenance and work full time, she works part-time (I have no idea how she affords to). I've been more than willing to be amicable since the split, but she does seem to inching the girls away from me and I'm worried where this will end up. Any advice on who to talk to would be great. I'm so worried.
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Sep 2015
While you can keep your child away from his father, his father can take you to court in order to apply for access. You don't say how old your son is, but Cafcass will get involved and they may ask your son's opinion and you will all get to have your say. Please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. I hope this helps.
Andy Editor 7 Sep 2015
@Mrr You should negotiate this between you. If you have parental responsibility, then you are also responsible for the well-being of your children and a share of their care. You say it is to make 'her life easy', when you have children it is about splitting the domestic duties, whether good or bad, difficult or easy. If your ex is working and you can pick up the children, then surely it is in both yours and your children's best interests to be helpful, i.e if your ex lost her job, then she may become more reliant upon your child support financially.
Sol123 5 Sep 2015
I just don't know what to do! My husband left 3 years ago. We sorted out contact of our son privately. My son kept coming home say mum he has hit me, swore at me and shouts at me all the time. I have witnessed on one occasion my son being slapped around the face outside our front door in front of me!! My son also would come home and say his dad keeps saying things to him like - who do you want to live with? My son answers mummy. His dad then shouts at him - that upsets me and I won't bother seeing you anymore and will start a new family with someone else. My son starts crying he gets shouted at again what you crying for! Ok my son says both of you! His dad then says ok and takes him to his house. My son has told me on numerous occasions his dad denigrates me to him also. My son made the decision 12 weeks ago he no longer wants to see his dad. In his words - I can't take it anymore mum I don't want to be hit anymore or shouted at or swore at! I told his dad this and our son has also told him twice. He keeps turning up at the house or at our sons football to try and see our son. Everytime he does so our son is scared and is hiding under a blanket saying to me mum don't let him in he will take me away!! He has joint parential responsibility. The school contacted social services as our son told them what was happening and they say as no marks on the child they can't do anything.
Mrr 5 Sep 2015
Just started divorce Do I have to pick kids up from school and make her life easy ?
SeparatedDads Editor 4 Sep 2015
While I sympathise with your situation, I don't think taking your son without your ex's consent is a good idea as it could have repercussions on you in the future. While the police are unlikely to intervene, because you have PR, your ex will have to take it to court to have your child returned. The courts do not take the non-resident parent taking such decisions into their own hands, and it could affect your access later on because of trust issues etc.Therefore, I suggest you take it to court the systematic way and apply for access. This way the court order will be rigid and your ex will have to adhere to it, otherwise she will be in breach. Please see, When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichIf you need the court to find out your ex's address for the purpose of taking the matter to court, you can use the form C4, which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. I hope this helps.
CB 3 Sep 2015
My ex girlfriend has my son living with her, I have had contact since the day he was born we were in a relationship we lived together until she left to move in with a guy she had been having a affair with, access instantly became a issue, she dictated when and were I saw my son I had no saw I was happy to go along as long as I could see my son . then I got a message saying I'm moving the times you can see him will change there was no option so I again just did as was told. But then 20 weeks ago I had a car accident that has left me with a shoulder injury and I need to change jobs, to do so I have relocated 200 mile to my family in Dorset and I asked if I could see my 2 year old son every other week end Friday tip Sunday evening as before she had me picking him up odd days in the week to suit her but obviously 200 mile makes this more difficult. I have asked could I keep him for a weeks holiday she says No. I ask could I see him Christmas one with her one with me I get no. Now she is starting to make it impossible for me to see him and says its my own fault for moving away. If I collect my son and keep him with me in my new home in Dorset " there are no court order in place " am I breaking any laws and what is likely to happen because she ignores everything I do and she even refuses to give me her address I have to pick up my son from a road side like he is some parcel I can't take much more please advice Regards Chris
Deb 31 Aug 2015
I have two sons and whilst still pregnant with our second me and my bf split. Now our youngest is 8 weeks and up until now the father has just visited at my home to see him but I'm now at the point I dont really feel comfortable having him in my home. At what point should I let him take our baby (who is bottle fed) out for a few hours once a week like he does with our eldest? Advice please...
Nuno 29 Aug 2015
Im a young father and my relationship with my ex ended un august 2014 im portuguese and she is brasilian with portuguese nationality.. well after we brake she get pregnant of my second child with her.. We had a 7 years relationship and lived 3 years with me in Uk since i brought them from Portugal.. after we break up she start forbidden me to see the first one saying i dont have any rights and i said to her without any agreement in law we have the same rights his 5 years now and i gave always everything he needed also to her... and she keeps saying that no i dont have month later she start cutting my family from access to him and i said to her i will fight her in court for my rights.. because i move abroad i calm down and decided to try to make an agreement between us.. but at same time she went to the court and made a claime that i want to take my son from her and shes afraid that i could disappear with me because im living in Spain and im an International Dj she used my work as an appeal and lie and creat storys saying im agressive to win because she were pregnant in the time the court agree with her without having my side of story... but now i can only come to uk and see him nothing more.. she block me in facebook viber the only contact now is from msg so its hard for mi to talk to my sons.. what brings me here his what can i do because the second child she dosent want me to be the father or have anything with him same that her mother did to her father and try to make to my first child and now they are doing on the second... i just want to have the rights to visit them and be part of their life.. my fathers are dead now its hard for mi because they are the only love and most important persons for mi..
Sacha 28 Aug 2015
Hiya, my ex wants to see our son on his terms. I'm not denying him access, but told him about a month ago that he could only see our son in public, due to concerns over him being aggressive. Since then he has not seen him. I'm worried I am making things to difficult for him and am worried that I have made a mistake/done something wrong, taken away his rights or am being unjust to him. I have suggested mediation to which he refused. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
SeparatedDads Editor 28 Aug 2015
I am sorry to hear this. I can only suggest you if you have contacted the Social Services, then you could also contact the NSPCC, whichone of its advisers may be able to help you further and point you in the right direction. I hope this helps.
John169 27 Aug 2015
Recently split from a toxic relationship my ex partner was violent and a drug taker which she still is I am only given access to my son when it suits her...we haven't been together for 8 weeks have saw my son twice each time I've took him back she's been full of drugs aggressive and argumentative have spoke to social work and police have been involved but nothing seems to be working she's still re same have deep concern for my sons safety and no one seems to be helping
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Aug 2015
I am sorry to hear this. Please see our partner article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichHe should go through the motions laid out in the article in order to try and re-establish contact and access. If his ex refuses to re-instate contact, then he will have to apply through the courts for a contact order. Should he not be able to afford the legal fees, he can self-litigate, see our parnter article: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, whichMany fathers are having success gaining access this way. The Bar Council also has comprehensive guidance notes on how to get the best from self-litigation, I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Aug 2015
If you cannot locate the father, it may be possible for you to change your children's name by deed poll without his consent or a court order. In order to do this, the whereabouts of your ex must be unknown. However, you must also be able to show you have taken sufficient steps to contact him to request the name change. Once you recieve the deed poll document and begin sending it to the organisations listed, then you will have to compile a letter explaining your situation and outlining how you have attempted to contact the father and give details regarding how long he has been absent and how there has been no financial help or involvement. Please aslo see the link to Changing Your Child's Surname, here. I hope this helps.
notallwomenarebad 26 Aug 2015
So me & my hubby got married in may & are expecting a child next month.. We were having his 2 children from previous relationship every weekend & extra time in school hols.. However.. His ex decided she wasn't happy we were getting married & the children weren't allowed to be part of it.. She also didn't want them knowing I'm pregnant & stopped contact in april after we'd had them for a week & just before i got a bump! She now gives my hubby abuse whenever he tries to get in touch.. She refuses to let him even speak to them on the phone and tells him the kids hate him etc just to hurt him... We also know she won't be letting them know he's even tried to get in touch.. What can we do about it? So that he is atleast allowed to speak to them? We can't afford to go thru court as pay over £200 in csa a month.. I currently don't work.. We have a house to pay for & all the bills that come with it, aswell as my 6 year old to provide for too.. He is getting really down about it & we just don't know what to do
motherly love 26 Aug 2015
Please can you advise me: Myself & the father of our children separated back in 2007 & are now divorced. Since meeting his new partner he has completely walked away from his children with absolutely no contact at all not even cards for the last 5yrs. Having done this to them everytime he met someone new, our eldest decided he didn't want the same surname as his father as, in his eyes, he feels he doesn't deserve it & wanted the same surname as his grandad (my father). Both children decided this within a year of hearing nothing at all from him. If anyone calls him by his father's surname he becomes upset (although as he has got older he know understands why some may get muddled) & keeps asking me to hurry up & change it. The thing is I have absolutely no idea where he is in the country never mind how to get hold of him to ask for his consent. Where do i stand on changing their names officially? They're already 'known as' but want it doing properly, it's has been almost 5yrs since they first asked & continue to do so. He has absolutely nothing to do with them at all (by his own choice) & doesn't even send cards or letters or anything and we are still in, what was, the marital home. Please help. Thank you
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Aug 2015
Are you wishing to know what benefits you are entitled to? If so you can find out via the Turn 2 Us whichIf you are asking what rights you have as a father, then if you are afraid of losing your boys , you could apply for a residence order, You might find speaking to someone directly from Family Lives may help if you need to resolve other issues, I hope this helps.
tom1955 24 Aug 2015
I need someones advise of where I go from here. I am now separated from my wife as she used me for awhile and she told me she has boyfriend I now have the children and am trying to claim all I can as I have had to give up my employment to focus on my two boys of 5yrs and 7yrs one of my boys has A.S.D. apparently I was a fool and trusted her to out with her mates night clubbing,she even got me to go away on a free weekend hotel break without her just me and the boys and I was able to take them to blackpool for the day! When we came back she went off again without me or the children so I changed the locks on door so she could not get back in only to collect her personal things. This is not the first time,seems she just wants too have a good time! Please bear in mind I normally look after them anyway ie take them to school pick them up because she starts 5.30 am till 2.pm and now I am the main carer of my boys in my house . She does not seem to be interested in the children at all and never turned up the proper time to collect children in the morning like she said ,she phones around 11.40 am to tell me she got up late, that's because she was obviously drunk from her night out and not thinking she has to collect the two boys. Where do I stand in this situation?Any help of what I can do what am entitled to because I have the boys with me and its very hard for me.
SeparatedDads Editor 21 Aug 2015
This is a very tricky question to answer as the main question is whether you are looking at this from an objective level, or an emotional one. Setting aside the fact this man had an affair with your wife, if he was once your best friend, then you will know his character traits and whether he is a positive person to be around your children. The only route you could take to stop this would be to apply for a Specific Issue Order. A Specific Issue Order, is an order sought from the family court to determine a particular matter in connection with the exercise of Parental Responsibility. These orders can cover a wide range of issues that you and your ex-partner cannot agree on, However, you would really need some concrete proof that having your wife's partner around your children was not in your children's best interests.
LeedsDad 20 Aug 2015
I have recently separated from my wife when I found out she had been having a four year affair with my best friend. I have filled for divorce which is proceeding and am now in the process of mediating outside of using solicitors to get an amicable agreement which I will run past my solicitor before gaining a final agreement. We have agreed to 50/50 child care responsibilities, however during our discussions her strong indication is that once we are sorted she intends to move in with the man she'd being having the long term affair with, but I am adamant I do not want him having any contact with my children. I have no proof he is a danger I just know he is not a positive influence and do not want my children exposed to such a person. Legally what are my options? I do not want to stop my wife seeing my children, she's a good mum and the kids obviously love her very much but I am 100% convinced I do not want them sleeping under the same roof as him. Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Aug 2015
I am sorry to hear this. I can only suggest you take them to court as you have nothing to lose, if you have no contact with them currently. Please see our Separated Dads partner article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichYou will have to be aware that Cafcass will get involved and write a report, see article: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? whichIt means Cafcass may take your children's opinions into account regarding whether they wish to see you or not, especially your eldest. However, at least you will be going through the correct channels in order to be given contact, and if awarded, if your ex stops access again she will be in breach onf contact order. I hope this helps.
sd 19 Aug 2015
I have three children to ex partner who has recently got married. We split as a result of my evolvement in druG supply in which I received two prison sentence. I was supported throughout my prison terms by my ex partner and have numerous letters from her stating that she would bring the children to see me. This offer I declined on the second sentence as we wernt together anymore and I was struggling to come to terms with the breakup . I eventually progressed to an open prison and started to see my children again whilst on homeleaves. Things were progressing in terms of rebuilding a bond with my children. My youngest commented one occasion that she had two daddies. This was upsetting for me but I handled it in a responsible manner. on release from prison things rapidly started changing for the worse. Firstly my eldest son who 12 at the time. Had informed his mum that he never wanted to see me again. This was following an afternoon out with me and his younger brother. Both of whome left me that day with a hug and saying they loved me and would see me soon. This was the start of things to come. The Mother. Stated that I didn't have the right to see the children for more than an hour every two weeks And that is never see them again if I took her to court. The regular phone contact dried up and now I'm lucky if I get to speak to them once every couple of months. She never answers the phone and never sticks to an agreement to see them. The result of this is the children have become very distant towards me and never want to see me. I'm not looking for simpathy. I just want to have children back in my life . We we once so so close. I know their mother and step father are doing their best to distance me. My mother has not seen them for years. This is despite them only living a couple of streets away.
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Aug 2015
I'm afraid I can't advise what access you can expect as there are no rules or regulations regarding this. Have you taken this through the courts or through mediation? As this would be the way forward, especially if your ex won't let you have any contact at all.
Daryl Patrick 15 Aug 2015
I am a father and wish to take my son on holiday for five nights within the uk. i have parental responsibility and i am also on the birth certificate with no child arrangements orders. our arrangements are outside of court but i am currently in the process of mediation and awaiting a reply. From what i have learnt i am allowed to take him on a domestic holiday and do not need my ex partners permission. i have made her aware for how long i plan to take him for and provided dates as well as offering to keep her informed on how and when we travel, where we stay etc. she has chosen to ignore me and still has yet to give me an answer on whether she agrees. she has no right to disagree or disallow me taking him on this holiday but i fear i must get her to agree to it to prevent getting myself in trouble. is this correct? what can i do? can my partner get in any trouble for this as she will be accompanying me on this holiday but has no parental rights?
Shawny 14 Aug 2015
Hello I'm a new dad of a six week old baby that breast feeding my ex won't let me see him, what access should I expect ?
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Aug 2015
You have a right to apply for custody. Please ssee link Applying for Custody: Court Procedure, whichHowever you would need good reason as it is rare the courts will change the custody of a parent, as specified in the article, if a child is very young, the court generally assumes that the child will be better off with his or her mother unless the contrary can be proven. However, should you need to take it to court and cant afford the legal bills, you can self-litigate. Please see article: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, whichI hope this helps.
Max 14 Aug 2015
I have recently separated from my wife. We have a 2 year old daughter. My wife was going out and out going a way for weekend and come back home still drunk at times expected to look after my daughter. I am naturally concerned about my daughter's well being. I do get her at the weekend. What can I do if I cannot prove anything? I would love to get full custody of my daughter. I do not have the money to pay for court case.
Tony 12 Aug 2015
Is it possible to be put on child support even tho I'm not in my sons birth certificate ? Ive been struggling for a couple years now because child support take a bit more than half of my check. I wouldn't mind giving money because hes my son but my ex she only let's me see him when its convenient for her
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Aug 2015
It is always better to take this route officially and through the courts rather than taking the law into your own hands. In practice sharing parental responsibility means that adults must put the child’s interests first in any situation. A parental responsible person must do what is reasonable in any circumstance for the purpose of safeguarding the child’s welfare. However, keeping your children without the express permission of the other parent should be carried out only in exceptional circumstances. If you think your children may be in danger then I would seek legal advice on applying for a residence order.
daddydave 7 Aug 2015
Hi i need advice as soon as possible please !!! I have had concerns about my 3 childrens welfare for a while now and tried talking to the mother several times now to no avail and i have got too a point i have told her i am not willing to take them back until she has sorted herself out can i do this?? She has said she is going to seek legal advice where do i stand as a dad with PR?
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Aug 2015
You do not have to relinquish parental responsibility and your ex cannot force you to. It is only under exceptional circumstances that the courts will allow this. I can only suggest you seek some legal advice regarding your visitation rights.
Steviegee 7 Aug 2015
Hi My soon to be ex wife has recently filed for divorce but also wants me to sign over parental rights to our 5 year old? Can she do this? I haven't seen him for over a year as she has stopped all visitation! I do have mental health issues and have had a tough time recently! She also has taken a no contact order out against her self and my son! So it's been hard to fight for visitation!
SeparatedDads Editor 4 Aug 2015
@Oh no! - Please see our partner article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichYou would need to go through the process laid out in the article to gain contact. If you are concerned that your ex may leave the country without your authority (if you have parental responsibility your ex would need to ask your permission), you can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order (PSO). This is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. I hope this helps.
Resourses 3 Aug 2015
My ex wife took my fifteen year old on an overseas holiday mostly during school term for seven weeks. I was not asked for permission .How do I complain formally as Im sure it is not right.
Oh no! 1 Aug 2015
I need some advise. I've been with my partner for a bit over 4 years we have a 16 month old boy who I adore. It looks like our relationship ship is over and she is threatening to make my life hell. What can I do, there's no way I can not see my son. See is originally from Portugal and I'm scared she will try and take my son over there to live.
KL Editor 31 Jul 2015
@Drewsy - yes, she can if you are separated. It is understandable that given your situation that she may want some privacy here.
Drewsy 31 Jul 2015
My wife is scheduled for c-section tomorrow. We are separated for 3 weeks now. She's decided I am not allowed in the delivery room for the c-section. Can she do this?
Lisa 29 Jul 2015
Hi myself and my daughters dad have been split since April . I have offered 3 times to take her to see him and he says he is busy, I have never stopped him cuming here to see her but as he lives in Kettering he says he can't travel on train as it takes five hours, but he used to before, I'm saying this as he is saying I'm stopping him seeing her but I am not so not all fathers want or make the effort to see their kids
i been scammed 27 Jul 2015
apply to court for child Dna first, there are lot of organised scam going on people marry to scam
Vix 21 Jul 2015
My partner has 3 (aged 5, 3 and 1) girls with his ex partner. He was not given the option to be on their birth certificate. He has helped financially with them (not via csa), does school runs, nursery runs etc. police have been called when they have had arguments in the past. His ex partner has now decided for no apparent reason at all that he is not going to be seeing his girls ever again. She has suggested she is either moving out of the area or to Morocco (her mother has a property there). Needless to say, he is going out of his mind and is terrified he will not see them again. Any suggestions on what he can do or his rights as their father. Many thanks.
J 16 Jul 2015
Hi My brother has a criminal record because of domestic violence towards his Girlfriend. They have a 7 year old daughter together and since he came out from his prison terms he wanted to see his daughter. Is this possible for him?
Kels 16 Jul 2015
I met my current partner 2years ago he has a son age 3 but his ex moved to Scotland when he was a baby. My partner works full time he goes to see his son birthday and Christmas and try's middle of year he has to take two days off work but it's making him depressed as he wants to see more of him but it's really expensive as on another island his ex doesn't help she won't meet half way won't come to south when she could stay at old friends ( my partner offered to pay for her to come down) she makes excuses all the time my partners dad is getting ill he had 3strokes in a year but she won't let him be involved either if my partner says he is coming to Scotland with him she says he won't be allowed to see him. We've looked about courts but really couldn't afford it any advise on what we could do to help him please to see his son and she would have to stick to it and help out. Thanks
gaz 15 Jul 2015
Hi all hoping for some advice, I have been split from my ex for 3 years with access to my now 4 year old son always limited however the past 2 months iv not had any access.. The last time I was able to speak to my ex partner she told me she didn't want me seeing him, wanted no money and for me to stay away. I pay £260pcm in csa and have tred to contact my boys mum with know success. I'm struggling with what to do next, not seeing my lad is should destroying, I work 6 days a week so only really have Monday to have contact. If I turn up at her house she will simply ignore the door, I can't turn up at her place of work because she (or her family/friends) will then turn up at my place of work and that would not go down well with my boss. I basically need some advice from somebody who has been through this, do I go to court? Will there be any help with costs? Is she aloud to blatantly refuse me access? I am on the birth certificate, I'm in no way any risk to my child. Thanks for reading and thanks in advance.
Shell 15 Jul 2015
Hi their my fience has two boys 13&14 and they ask us if they could live wiv is full time as their are 7 other children in the house and we have them every weekend but his still married to her but been slipt for 9 years what rights does he have over the boys living wiv is full time
Kwg 14 Jul 2015
Hello, I am contacting you if you can give me any advice on the situation my son is experiencing . My son who is 11 years old (12 next month), he wants to stay with me every weekend but his mother will not let him. I have him every other weekend and it has been this arrangement since I split from his mother. But now he is getting older I feel that he can start making some decisions for him self. Can you please advise on this matter for me as I do not know what rights I have?
Ollie Editor 14 Jul 2015
@b1984 - the maintenance is for the day-to-day welfare of your children, therefore theoretically if your partner is having them for the holidays, he will be responsible for their welfare and could even ask you for a reverse contribution. If you have a family-based arrangement, then this is something you could discuss between yourselves, as it is obviously negotiable. If it is going through an agency, the likelihood is that the payments will remain the same.
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Jul 2015
@Trw - I am sorry to hear this. However, the police station would not be able to help you, as your wife has parental responsibility, therefore she has a right to make decisions regarding your child. If she refuses to let you have access to her, please see link:When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichYou would have to go through the process listed in the article. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Jul 2015
@Father - I am sorry to hear this. Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. You would have to go through the process listed in the article in order to gain access if she has cut right down. However, if it does go to court and an arrangement is made, then should your ex try to stop your access post-hearing, she will be in breach of contract. You also may find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful as many dads have been through the same or similar issues and can help advise. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Jul 2015
@pi**ed off dad - if your ex will not give consent, the only option you have is to apply for a Specific Issue Order, I hope this helps.
grandpaP 14 Jul 2015
I need some help with the situation with my son and his ex wife. Their divorce only happened a month or so ago, but the ex wife has denied my son access to their child, other than under supervised conditions in a neutral environment. My son has moved away from the area as a result of his job, and now only has 1 contact time for 2 hours on a weekend of his ex wife's choosing for the next month. He lives a considerable distance away, and is now considering resigning from his new job, in order to return to the area, so that he can have more time with his child. He has been paying her rent, funds to support his child, even the family pet,has given her the majority of the house equity, when it was sold, but neither he, nor we, can afford legal advice to see what the options are. This does not seem in any way equitable, is there anywhere we can go to get help?
Wantingclarification 11 Jul 2015
I'm a little confused by this article and other things that I've read relating to Child Maintenance. Here it states that having parental responsibility means that you have the duty to financially support your child. So if the biological father has no parental responsibility (wouldn't agree to sign birth certificate), does this mean he has no duty to pay child support ?
b1984 11 Jul 2015
my ex Husband and I are sharing the 6 weeks summer holiday. The children live with me full time, he pays maintenance. I ask, as the maintenance is for everyday living expense such as running a family home, gas, electricity, water and everything else keeping a home running, should the Maintenance be reduced during the 3 weeks?
Trw 11 Jul 2015
I have a question. My ex wife has been away for 2 weeks with my daughter. And now that she's back I have requested from her that I have my daughter for the weekend. We haven't gone through the legal process yet regarding visitation rights. And she has denied me access to her. What can I do. Do I call the police and explain the problem?
Father 11 Jul 2015
I have a daughter six years of age, me and her mother separated when my daughter was one year old, now I have had my daughter every weekend since the separation and have an amazing bond with her to the extend she doesn't ever want to leave my side and this upsets her to the point she cries and I have to hold myself together just handing her to her mother, now her mother has become horrible trying to cut my time with my daughter down to one weekend this is disgraceful and i'm really hurt by this, I do not pay financially for my daughter as our agreement was I buy my daughter anything she needs and I literally do this to an extent I don't have money for myself . what rights do I have and what steps can I take to ensure I d not lose my time with my daughter that doesn't hold judgement against me?
pi**ed off dad.. 11 Jul 2015
I have been split from my ex for over 3 years, I keep asking her to take my son on holiday and get the same response 'No, I want to be first person to take him abroad or its too far away'. Do I have any legal rights to take him away or is there anything I can do?.. I just want to take make sure he isn't missing out on this like this..
Tim Editor 10 Jul 2015
@astoncortina - there's little/nothing you can do about this really apart from go and see the head and explain your PR rights and that you have the right to make certain decisions about your child.
julie 9 Jul 2015
Can I leave my 2 children with there dad while I have a break away without his consent
astoncortina 8 Jul 2015
I have pr for my 3 children , i collect my youngest from school twice a week ,was running late one day and asked a family member to collect my child was told no by school only i could collect him as my ex had told school only i could collect him and that i told her that was ok.the school did no checks with me that this was true and at no time did i agree to this with school or ex.as this is recorded on school records that my ex made this statement. Is this a breach of my pr rights and were do i stand on this false statement she made.
Sergei 29 Jun 2015
Hi, my ex is 3 months pregnant. Admittedly at the start I advised her not to go ahead with the pregnancy due to various reasons but have always stated from the beginning that if she decided to keep it I would support it and be there for it. At first she seemed ok with this, she didn't want me at any of the scans but we were at least on talking terms, but then I (foolishly) went on a date which I told her about and now she's saying she doesn't want me anything to do with her or the baby, she won't tell me anything and is saying I'll have no involvement with the baby, and that I was simply a sperm donor. It seems she just wants to punish me for the things I've done and not thinking of the interest of the baby. As much as it hurts I know she has the right to exclude me from the scans and I just have to accept that, but surely she can't stop me from seeing my own baby if I pose no danger to it and I've made a willing effort to try to get on with her. I've told her I'd rather sort this out amicably but she is insisting on letting it go to court, so my question is what should I be doing now to make sure I have a chance in court (applying for Parental Responsibility, contact order, etc). Any help would be greatly appreciated
Bigsi 26 Jun 2015
Hi I have recently separated from my partner we where not married and so far she hasn't stopped me seeing the kids I recently found out that she has quit her job and is planning to move away to her mums house she also has told me that she doesn't want anymore money from me should I be concerned as I made an arrangement to continue paying her bills and as she is leaving the home I'm not sure if I'm being set up for something anyone on here had anything like this happen
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Jun 2015
@Confused dad - you need to go through the process laid out in the article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichI hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 24 Jun 2015
@sipikki - I am sorry to hear that your family-based arrangement has fallen through, as this really is the best kind of arrangement if both parties are content with it. Your options are to either both go through mediation, see: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? whichor if your ex refuses, you could take it to court for a more official and legal binding court order, see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichI hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Jun 2015
@***** - you could try mediation to see whether you can work around the problem of access and your addiction. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? whichI hope this helps.
Confused dad 23 Jun 2015
I have recently split up with my girlfriend of four years we had a child together my name is on the birth certificate and even has my last name but now she won't let me see him she won't even tell me how he is she's blocked my number and blocked me on social sites I have been there for our child and funded for him since day 1 he's two now what can I do I'm going crazy missing my son help!
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Jun 2015
@rich - I am sorry to hear this. You can only really take it to court in order to force your ex to have the test. If you can't afford the DNA test fees and are on a low income, you may be able to get help. You can access whichIf you can't afford the hefty legal fees in court, you can also self-litigate, see article: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. I hope this helps.
sipikki 22 Jun 2015
I have my daughter on Monday evenings Thursday evenings and Friday till Sunday midday and the mother has always collected her from me as I have already collected her from playschool but now she is refusing to pick her up on a Thursday and wants me to drop her off but I work nights and don't have time to do so. She is telling me not to pick her up through the week now or she will classify it as kidnapping my child and call the police. We do not have an arrangement in place it has only been an agreement through us. Where do I stand? I an going to look at getting Thursday night off just incase she does not collect her so I will be able to look after my daughter over night.
***** 21 Jun 2015
I have separated from my ex 2 months ago my son is now 4 months old. I admit I haven't spent a lot of time with him probably no more than 24 hours in that time. I have worked away a lot but now I'm not and I want to have him over night. My ex will not let me take him away from her house as I used to have an addiction problem. She believes I have relapsed which she is right. What can I do?
rich 20 Jun 2015
Divorced pay for 2 children, no problem , however had a relationship , she has had a baby, I have not been put on the birth certificate, she will not let me see him, but has claimed csa payment which I have to pay unless I have dna test, which she has refused to let me have thd babies dna. Icannot afford the £250 the csa require for the test. I am only left with £850 for my li ing expences £650 mgage £130 council tax, my retired parents pay for everything I work she doesn't. Ex wife doesnt work. Am desperate what can I do
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Jun 2015
@Kubrik - you can claim parental responsibility through the courts, Your ex wife has the right put on the birth certificate who she thinks the father was, regardless of whether she was married to you, or not. I hope this helps.
Jord 16 Jun 2015
I would like advice on where i stand as a father. I left my ex year and half ago and have a 4 year old daughter with. I have done my absolute best with and have a very strong bond, from early stage into the relationship she was controlling and aggressive and always uses the child against me making me chose over everything. Its come to a point where i have had to give up my job because if i didn't id never see my daughter again. She stops me seeing her over big days like Christmas and fathers day. I've had enough of having to chose all the time and its really getting me down and affecting my life in many ways, What steps can i take to solve this situation?
Kubrik 16 Jun 2015
Hello, My son was born when I was still married to my ex-wife but she didn't tell me she gave a birth (we were already separated). During the birth registration, another man's name was put in the birth certificate as she believed that man was the father. And now the DNA confirms that I am a biological father. My questions: (1) Do I have parental rights and responsibilities and if yes, how can I prove it provided I am not on a birth certificate; (2) Was it legally alright to put another man's name on a birth certificate provided she was still married to me. Many thanks for your comments.
deano 15 Jun 2015
i would like advice please since me and my ex broke up she has not let me see our twins im not even on there birth certificate and since this i have heard she has left our twins with a friend and not been seen for 9 weeks i would love to get my twins back n have them live with me as she dont seem to want or care for them no more
phoenix 2 Jun 2015
Hi, I have 2 boys with my ex partner and she has always played games as well as being unco-operative. I have tried mediation twice before finally getting an alternative weekend access in place a few months ago. Today she has offered my oldest (5 years old) a choice between contact with me in a few weeks time on my weekend or going to haven. She has said that what he decides is final. She has also said that he is already old enough to decide if they both should spend time with me or not and if he decides on any day he doesn't want to then he won't be going to contact. Given her first thing was to offer a haven weekend if he doesn't go to mine along her history of putting preassure on my kids to not want to be with me I don't feel there is much hope if this does't change. Everyone I have spoke to has said the kids are too young as I believe they are along with the fact they are clearly being influenced but I have no idea what I can do. Mediation has always failed and she has no intention of talking at the moment so I am stuck. I feel like the only way I can ensure I can see my kids is to go to court but I feel like that is wrong. any help or advice would be great because I suffer from depression/anxiety and this issue happening whilst I am still settling into a new home is starting to get me worried.
Sunny 1 Jun 2015
Hi, My 13 year old son and I have recently moved in with my partner. He has been separated from his wife for 6 years, he has had 3 partners since separating from her, me being the 3rd.His last partner passed away after fighting a brain tumour. My partners wife has always been very manipulative and controlling and uses their 3 sons to try and cause problems within each relationship. My Partner left the family home after she had an affair, she is now using me and my son to try and cause friction between my partner and I,which is not working as we are very happy, however I am annoyed that she has begun using my own son as a pawn and would like advise on how I can deal with this quickly and effectively and if I can take legal action to stop her discussing my son?
Irishbhoy 30 May 2015
I have 6 year old who lives with his mother and I have Skype access two nights a week I have been told that my son has autism and needs a set routine the mother keeps changing this routine and when it changes it is upsetting our son and doesn't want to speak to me and causes him upset .also I have been on a separated parents programme and my ex hasn't which is given on a court order it seems that the court only looks at one side and doesn't think on the the child's welfare as a I seem to be the one losing in contact and I want what is best for our son
SeparatedDads Editor 27 May 2015
@loulou - have you thought of seeing whether you can sort your problems out through mediation? Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. While arrangements agreed through mediation is not legally binding, it is less costly than going to court. If you cannot agree on an arrangement, or you agree and he does not adhere to it, you/he can then take it to court and let a judge decide on what it thinks is in the best interests of your children. I hope this helps.
loulou 25 May 2015
Hi- my ex left me 3yr ago, I av 2 children with him age 2 and 4, since we split iv been trying to organise regular access for my daughters to see there dad, we come to an agreement he turns up like arranged then after a few wk he will let them down not turn up wks at a time then thinks he can turn up all if a sudden out if the blue,I keep saying hes not seeing kids no more cos im sick of the upset im left to deal with wen he dont turn up, ova and ova iv fallen soft and let him bk seeing them agen then he lets them down agen, recently he blocked me on his number and blocked me on all networks facebook ect so I couldn't contact him,I went out of my way to try find him to spend time with his kids as they kept asking for him, I went to a solicitors to see how I go about finding and making my daughters dad take responsibility there was nothing I cud do,6month later he contacted me through text message asking if he cud see his kids he wanted to build an relationship with them and start seeing them agen,at this point I was furious at how he cud just blsnk them out of his life then av the cheek to send me a nessage asking to see them,why not want to see them the 6month previous,at this point I sed no as id got my daughters into a routine and he want just walking bk into there lives distrupting it,he then came up with an access agreement in writing telling me wen he can and cant av his kids,I used his access plan and I worked around wat he cud and couldn't do, I gave him access wed-fri every wk and they cud sleep sat-sun twice a month, he as refused to do that saying im not been reasonable, hes now threatening to take me to court saying I won't let him see his kids, he works and as set days off, I can only offer him to av his kids on his days off wat more can I do, hes also refusing to give me an address where my children wud be and his full time contact number, I cant let my kids sleep out if I dont bo where they wil be x
Gareth 22 May 2015
Hi, I'm a father to a 6 year old who I've had every weekend and once in the week (more recently) since me and her mother separated 4 years ago. We are still friends. But she is planning on emagitating to Australia. I have no idea what my tights are. I obviously don't want my daughter to leave but feel selfish to fight to keep her here, as austrilla is an amazing country and Hull really isn't. But I just need to know what my rights are and what can be done, as it gets ever closer incant bare the thought of my little girl being so far away.
rob 20 May 2015
i request holiday at easter and this half term and refused both and my kids are upset they never stay what can i do any help plz cos im considering quiting over it
C123 19 May 2015
My ex and I have been seperated for nearly 2 years now and we have a mutual agreement to when I see our 7 year old daughter. Which is 2 evenings in the week and overnight 1 night at the weekend. This works fine and there has never been an issue until Recently. we have had a disagreement regarding taking holidays off work. Now she is saying she wants to go 50/50 with custody. I have our daughter 1 week and she has her the next. I have a full time job and without giving my job up will not be able to do this. Since our daughter was born she has always worked part time and around school hours. Can she force me to change my job.
SeparatedDads Editor 18 May 2015
@Frosty - you don't have to give him your address. However, if you were to stop access, then he could find out the whereabouts of your child through the courts, in order to serve court papers should he want to regain access. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 15 May 2015
@leccafiga - no, she needs your consent and obviously the decision is up to you whether you agree to this, or want to fight it. Mediation can be used if you are willing to compromise (but can't agree directly with your ex) and need that third party help to come to an agreement. Also, it is imortant to remember an agreement through mediation is based on trust and is not legally binding, whereas an agreement through court is, and if your ex defaults she will then be in breach. However, while you can apply for a prohibited steps order, there is no guarantee that you will be granted it. You will need to be able to show why it is not in your son's best interests to be removed from the area, while your ex will be making a case of her reasons why it is. But if you are not awarded it, it may mean that you can get some fixed arrangements in place as a result. I don't imagine this has actually answered your question, as it really is something you have to figure out yourself. I have also added a link to our partner article Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? whichI hope this helps.
Frosty 15 May 2015
Hi there, please help - I'm very new to this. My husband and I separated 3 months ago, I have relocated with our 4 yr old girl and he's accepting of that, however, I'm about to move into my new house with our Daughter and my ex is insisting he wants to know where we will be living. Do I have to (by law) give him the address of my new house? I don't want him to know where I will be living... Thanks in advance for any comments...
SeparatedDads Editor 13 May 2015
@sebba I have included a link to Child Maintenance Options, 'child maintenance myths: Myth No. 9 - The CSA doesn’t consider my circumstances', here. You may want to give the CMS a call via the website and ask directly.
SeparatedDads Editor 13 May 2015
@b - if it can be agreed between you and her mother, then it would be classed as a family-based arrangement between you both. If the mother refuses and you want a more official agreement in place, then you would have to take it through court. There would be no guarantee that you would get residency. But the fact your daughter is now 13, the mediator/courts should take her opinion into account. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 13 May 2015
@jay - I can't advise you what you should do as that has to come from yourself. The fact that you spent time in prison for assault may mean it may be difficult to gain contact if the mother is against it. Cafcass with assistance from probation will want to assess you to see if you continue to pose a risk, and it may be that if any access was awarded after a court case, it would be in a supervised environment. However, I would, in the first instance, seek some professional legal advice to see where you stand.
leccafiga 13 May 2015
Hi, my ex, via a text message, informed me that she is moving from 10 mins down the road to 4 hours away taking my son with her. I have him every Wednesday and Sunday but have no formal agreement. I obviously have parental responsibility but have not been consulted on what would be a change of school. Is it best to try to go down the route of mediation with her and her new husband? Or should I apply for a prohibited steps order? Or a specific issue order maybe? Also should I be getting something done about a formal agreement on access to my son? Can she just take him away without my agreement Any help would be greatly appreciated
sebba 11 May 2015
I have recently moved out of our marital home, after trying to make our marriage work for over 12 months. The ex wouldn't move out so instead of dragging the kids through court etc I've gone. I am only able to see our 4 children once or twice a week and every other weekend. I'm trying to save for a deposit to privately rent but, when I eventually move into a suitable home where the kids can come and stay I'm afraid I won't be able to afford the 25% csa and live/eat myself. What happens then?
b 11 May 2015
My 13yr old daughter wants to move in with me.I have parental responsibility for her. I've brought her up even tho she's classed as livin at her mums.I have her Fridays to Monday n every holiday.trainings days bank holidays etc.. her mum is never in and her grandma watches her.. what are my legal rights for my daughter to live with me?
jay 11 May 2015
i have 2 daughters 3 and 6 with a nightmare woman , i caught her cheating in our house and reacted badly i hurt the guy and slapped her . basically no convictions previously , my world went so bad as got a jail sentence , this was 2 years ago when i was released , my new partner says i should fight to see my kids , but i dont want to as hate the mother , so what do i do ??
SeparatedDads Editor 11 May 2015
@Lex - this is a very common problem when it gets to this time of year and one that has a tendency to clog up the family courts. I suggest you write her a letter specifying that she give you the passport by a particular date (asap), so that you can plan the trip. If she doesn't give you the passport by that date then state that you will take her to court for breach of court order (keep a copy of the letter to present to the courts also). However, if she still refuses to give you the passport, then you will have to give yourself ample time (generally 6-8 weeks - you may need to get legal advice on this on timings) for it to be heard in the court. I hope this helps.
Lex 8 May 2015
Hi I have a court order in place to see my son , and in the court order it states I can take him away in the school holidays for 2 weeks , my ex partner is refusing to give me his passport and claims she will not give it to me , can she do this ? Or is she in breach of the order as I can't take him away without the passport ? Any help or advice would be well appreciated
gaza46 8 May 2015
i think its hard to understand this ,im a father of a son who is aged 14 ,when he was 3 years old ,i lost access to my son for 11years and im still waiting for access to him where would i stand ,i cant father kids ,so my son is ivf ,i still love my son no matter what happens ,ive been told i dnt have any parental rights because i wasnt married to the mother ,plus i cant have kids , i pay csa ,and have been paying for my son from when he was 3years old untill now ,hes 14 and i still pay ,can anyone tell me where my rights are ,im at a lose end ,i feel that my rights as a father are nowhere to be seen ,i cant even get legal aid ,to fight for access to my son ,i feel like
Gary Editor 7 May 2015
@t - you would have to apply for an interim order through the courts.
t 6 May 2015
My ex has said I beat her and won't let me see my two girls my court date is in 6weeks can I see my kids now
SeparatedDads Editor 1 May 2015
@Mr.list - I am sorry to hear this. The article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichshould help. You should follow the procedure laid out in the article. If you cannot afford hefty legal bills you can self-litigate, see article: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself here. The fact that you cannot contribute much to your child's daily welfare, doesn't mean you should not have access. I hope this helps.
Mr.list 30 Apr 2015
My son is 6 we divorced when he was 7 months old. I have had a lot of contact with him but recently that has stopped completely and I don't see or hear from him.I have asked my ex's solicitor to ask for and send me proposals for access but have had no reply.I work but don't earn a great wage..what can I do next please?
Sam Editor 28 Apr 2015
@advice needed - it isn't an unreasonable request. However, you might also understand that the mother may not want to let her baby out of her sight just yet. She may also be breastfeeding and as we all know when you are breastfeeding mothers are pretty tied to the baby's demands. The fact that she is encouraging your son to make a relationship with the baby is positive and bodes well for his future relationship with the child. But things may have to be taken a bit slowly at first and it might be something where careful and respectful negotiations are needed initially, in order to get things on a firmer footing later on.
advice needed 25 Apr 2015
My son's ex girlfriend had the baby 2 weeks ago. Her mother wants my son to go there and bond with the baby. He also wants to bond but finds it incredibly difficult to go there. We have suggested that we have the baby for about 3 hours on a Saturday or sunday. Also for our family and friends to meet him. Unfortunately it is very difficult for this to happen during the week as my son is at university also family and friends are at work etc. Is this an unreasonable request?
SeparatedDads Editor 24 Apr 2015
@Thechamp - if you are concerned and you think your child is being neglected, then you can apply through the courts. See our partner article; Applying for Custody: Court Procedure, whichThere is no guarantee that you will be granted residency, but if the Social Workers have been involved, then there is obviously enough concern for the courts to take it seriously. I hope this helps.
thedoc 23 Apr 2015
I've recently split with the mother of my son, who is also currently pregnant with our second. She moved out of our family home in London and moved the children to Manchester. Since then I have travelled to Manchester every weekend and stayed in a hotel in an attempt to see my son. I provide her with a generous financial contribution every month (considerably more than the csa would calculate) and provide extras as well. As it is, she is making things quite hard for me to see my son. I don't have a base in Manchester, which I am working on, nor a car to take him places with. She refuses to let me into her house. To be honest I'd rather not go in her house anyway. And doesn't let me use the car which has a child seat in it. That's fine. So currently I'm stuck in taxis and taking him to soft play areas which is proving quite pricey. My question is my rights in terms of names and visitation. She has threatened to change the surname of my son as I apparently 'don't deserve' to have my surname with my children. She has also threatened that I will not have my surname given to my second child due in a couple of weeks. We have both read up on the matter and what she is suggesting now is that she double barrels the names. Her reasoning for this is so that my name is still there and she still reveives financial support but it's not in the best interest of the children at all. She's solely doing this to spite me. Do I have any rights here please? I know that she cannot officially change my sons name without my consent but she can unofficially double barrel his name just not legally. Is that correct? And what would be my potion in all of this, if any please?
Thechamp 22 Apr 2015
Hi, my daughter doesn't live with me but I have parental responsibilities, always kept regular contact and play my roll as father. On the other hand where she lives seems unstable she hasn't attented nursery in over 3 month, social work has been involved and I have returned her home to a smashed door. What can I do. Is it reasonable to take her to court for full custody ??
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Apr 2015
@Desperate dad - I would say to apply for an interim court order which generally allows fathers to have contact with their children in the period of time before it goes to court. However, if she has an injunction against you, the court may not grant you one. I'm afraid you would have to seek legal advice here.
SeparatedDads Editor 21 Apr 2015
@John - it depends whether your ex-wife appointed a legal guardian for your daughter or not. If she appointed a legal guardian then you would have to take it to court in order to contest this. You would really have to look into this legally. A lot also depends upon your previous involvement with your child and what part you have played in her life to date. However, as you have parental responsibility you do have rights, so you are entitled to follow these up. I hope this helps.
Desperate dad 20 Apr 2015
Hi I not seen my 2 year old daughter in 7 weeks becauae the ex lied about domestic violence, she has an injunction against me, we have a court date but thats not for another 6 weeks, is there anything I can do to see my daughter before the 6 weeks because then it would of been 3 months, thanks
John 19 Apr 2015
Hi my wife and I are still married but seperated and unfortanly passed away 3 years ago she got a residencey order to witch I didint go to court as was in the north of the county at the time I'm on my child's birth certifate and was having her on a mural agreement whilst my wife was alive now she passed away her brother has got my child in his care at the moment do I hVe a legal right to collect my child as I feel she should be with me
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Apr 2015
@Cheryl - You may want to read the article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, link here which may help. There are a lot of parents that attempt to use children as weapons, which the courts are trying to stop. No person with PR should be held to ransom. You or your partner may find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful as around December/Jan we put up a posting with a similar question. If you look back through the responses our followers gave some great advice, as many have been in this position before and have come out the other side. Regarding child maintenance; this has to be paid regardless of whether or not the parent has access to the child as it is to support the child's daily needs. You may suggest your partner tries mediation first in order to come to a mutual agreement, if an agreement cannot be reached then he could take it through the courts in order to get a more solid arrangement. However, there is no predicting what the court will decide, but the fact he has already had joint residency will stand him in good stead. I hope this helps.
Cheryl 17 Apr 2015
i am really needing some advice as i have no idea about any legal procedures or what the best route to go down is. My partner has a 4 year old son who he has over night on a monday, wednesday, friday and all day Saturday. He pays child maintenence plus and on top he also buys his son his own clothes ect. Mother of the child keeps saying she will stop access if he does not do what she tells him to do. She has not told him what school his little one has got in to he found out from the child minders which has upset him. He is becoming increasingly worried that he is going to be pushed out which she has done before when child was a baby. In theory he has joint custody as his son resides in both homes as its 50/50 or more time with his dad. But he needs to get something in writing so his rights are protected. What should he do baring in mind mum is difficult. Would an application for joint custody with the courts be where to go? AS he thinks if he goes to court he will get less time with his son and that he will have to have him every other weekend when from the date of their split and divorce he has had him 50/50. any advice would be much appreciated. (he is on the birth certificate, was there for the registration of the birth and married the mother after the birth). Also if he has him 50/50 but no paper agreement of this does he still have to pay maintenance?
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Apr 2015
@jot - you can self-litigate, see article Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself here. It will save on the hefty solicitors fees and many fathers are finding success this way. You can also enlist the help of a McKenzie Friend, see link Using a McKenzie Friend in Court, here. I hope this helps.
jot 14 Apr 2015
I am from India and came to UK in 2013 on spouse visa. I had divorce from my wife and asked her to see my child she refused so i applied through contact orders and now she has filed injunction against me and not letting me to see my child. Legal cost is so expensive and i have only got visa till Aug 15. Can someone pls advise that what should i do
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Apr 2015
@karl - it's sad that some relationships end up this way, especially when people who have once cared for each other can be so venomous. The best way forward is to take a step back and keep as far away from her as possible and communicate with her only when need be over the children. If she doesn't want your maintenance and it is family-based, keep to the rate agreed but make sure you put it in an account for the children (just in case the CMS come back to you and so you can prove you have been paying). If she tries to oust you out and stop you seeing the children then you may have to go through the process listed in the article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichI hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Apr 2015
@lee - it sounds as though you really need someone to talk to. It is rare that a man will just want to give up his children and move away. It sounds as though this is a gut-reaction to the split, but I'm sure when things calm down you will regret cutting all ties. You may want to speak to someone from Family Lives via whichIts professional advisors can give you some objective and constructive advice. Your ex can't make you see your children, but as you say you love your kids, you might live to regret it if you don't. Also, regardless of your thoughts currently, if you don't see your children, you will still be liable to support them financially, whether you live abroad or not.
karl 10 Apr 2015
I pay maintenance every week without fail , I love my 2 kids to bits ..i have them every weekend ... But everything I do is WRONG .... if only I could show you txt's I have received off my ex.... Basically she has a new fella and is pregnant ... She's trying to push me out completely .. Her txt's are uncalled for... I just want to pay towards my children and have them as much as I can .... Where do I go from this? ... Being told by the ex ..in not so nice terms to stick my child maintenance up my (expletive) ... And I'm blocking your number don't come to the door or you'll get a bucket of (expletive) thrown over your head.... Enjoy your sad existence..you (expletive) daft (expletive)....
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Apr 2015
@SimeyD - you have parental responsibility, he doesn't, However, if your ex wishes to involve him in the responsibilities of your child's life, then she can delegate. As he will be your child's step-father, with consent, he will also be able to apply for PR through a formal agreement or court order if wished.
lee 8 Apr 2015
I'm thinking of moving abroad but ex is trying to enforce that i take the kids every other weekend, our marriage has come to a really bad ending. Can she obligate me to see the kids. Dont get me wrong i love my kids but i don't think i'm mentaly stable enough to be a good parent at the moment, i love my wife but she doesn't love me and we have been together 17 years
SimeyD 7 Apr 2015
I have been separated from my ex for 3 years. We weren't married. We have a 5 year old son. My partner has a new partner and they are soon to get married. She has told me that her new partner has as much rights over our child as I have. Is this correct ????
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Apr 2015
@Kev - you are not entitled to know where your ex lives, if she does not wish that. But you are entitled to apply for contact with your daughter. If you have parental responsibility your ex is supposed to inform you and request permission for any movement out of the area with your child. If you can't locate your child, you will need to fill in the court C4, which is for an application for an order for disclosure of a child’s whereabouts. This can be used to apply for access if you have no address. It does not mean the court has to reveal her address to you, but it does mean they can serve the papers regarding an application for contact. I hope this helps.
Kev 3 Apr 2015
My partner of 25+ years left me 27 months ago and for a year lived in the house we shared while I moved out and paid all bills, ie mortgage, power, tv etc exceeding £1000 pcm, after a year we sold house and she left with my 12 year old daughter who she had taken out of school to home educate without my knowledge she hasn't told me where they are and my daughter told me that her mum said she can't tell me where they live, we lived in essex and it seems that she has moved to lincolnshire but I dont know for sure, I have seen my daughter on only 3 occasions in the last 15 months and have little phone contact as she tells me that she has little or no reception, am I entitled to know where she is, I pay maintenance into my daughters bank account and my ex takes from there.
SeparatedDads Editor 31 Mar 2015
@kris - From this end it sounds like she is emotionally blackmailing him. Some women do this as an attempt of control. You don't say how old his children are, but the courts may take their opinion into account regarding who they want to spend time with. On one hand your boyfriend is being too soft by letting her control him like this, both emotionally and financially, but unfortunately it is a trap many men fall into for the sake of keeping the peace and maintaining the relationship with their children, which should she wish, she could make things very difficult for him. There is no right and wrong answer here, he either kicks up a fuss and takes it to court at the risk of not seeing his children at all for a while, or he continues to bow to her demands. In some respects it is good that the children are teenagers as they can make their own decisions in a few years. In the meantime, it will go on like this for as long as he lets it, or he decides to fight his own corner as father that has as much rights to see his own children as the mother does. You might find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful as there are many men dealing with similar issues. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 30 Mar 2015
@JJuk - daddy day car - regardless of what your ex has done, she still has rights to see her children as she has Parental Responsibility. Yes, she can come and take them from you as she is their mother and the police would be powerless to intervene. Should you wish to prevent this you can take it to court for a Residence Order. A Residence Order is an order issued by the Family Proceedings Court, and details which parent the children should reside with. Paramounctcy is the term used to describe how the court will look upon such requests for the issuing of a Residence Order. Paramountcy relates to the importance to the children of where they should live and also what is in their best interests. For example, if the court feels that the children’s best interests would to stay with their mother, then they are obliged to issue in her favour. The most important aspect of any court proceeding relating to the care and wellbeing of your children is what is best for them. This is something that can become a secondary issue if the circumstances between parents is not amicable. The court will take the view that it is important that the children have access to both parents and also have the means to contact either parent as and when they wish to. I hope this helps.
kris 28 Mar 2015
I need your help!! My boyfriend has been separated for 6 years. The separation was mutual and neither of them could afford a divorce. They have two teen children and he loves to spend time with them but she makes it hard because when she found out he was seeing someone, he is no longer allowed to have the kids around me and he can only visit them if its at her house. She also expects him to come do chores for her now. Like, mow the yard, bring her cigarettes and give her gas money etc... Everything that should not be his responsibility. I have had to help him with her light bill and cable but only did that because of the children. I feel that the only things he\we should help her with IS with the kids only. When she didn't know about his new girlfriend (me) he was able to take the kids anywhere, now that she knows he has a girlfriend, he can only come see them at her house. I hate that for him because he really lives his kids and feels like she's trying to control him and use the kids as tools to get to him. What's right an what's wrong here? Please give me your input. I love him but she makes it very difficult for both of us. If he doesn't do what she tells him then she will tell him not to see his kids AND tell kids not to talk to him. This is so frustrating!!!!
JJuk - daddy day car 27 Mar 2015
Hi Me and my wife have separated after she committed adultery. I left the family home for 3 hours. she proceeded to try and commit suicide by cutting herself in front of the children. I was called the police after she inform me by phone. ambulance took her away and is now staying at her mums me and the kids are in a private rented property in my name i am looking after them full time question: does she have any rights to see them? and what are they? can she just come and take them from me?
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Mar 2015
@Conor - I am sorry to hear this. However, you will have to wait until the baby is born and then apply for parental responsibility, which means you will have certain rights to your child's welfare and support him/her financially, However, It does not grant you access or contact and for this you would have to apply through the courts for a contact order. You may also find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful as there are many dads going through the same or similar issues that can provide advice and support. I hope this helps.
Tim Editor 27 Mar 2015
@takenforgranted - stick with it though, it will be worth it in the long run. If she breaks the contact order then take it straight back to court again. The courts do not like women playing these sorts of games, but you have to be strict about it yourself and any breach of contact order needs to be addressed.
takenforgranted 26 Mar 2015
Parental responsibility isn't worth the paper it's printed on. A mother will do whatever she wants, you do things her way or the children and father suffer. I know, I've been through it once, and am going through it again.
Conor 26 Mar 2015
My ex girlfriend is pregnant with my child and I have left our home after she ended the relationship. She hasn't contacted me and has said if I try to contact her again she'll get a restraining order. I am therefore completely cut out of the pregnancy and refuses to even update me on the pregnancy. Having been blocked on social networking and my number is also blocked by her, I have no way of ever even knowing when the baby is born. What are my rights and what do I do? I want to be part of my baby's life before and after pregnancy.
yaps83 25 Mar 2015
my partner left me a year past xmas in terrible debt and took our daughter, set up a new home etc. From the start i pushed and she agreed to me having my daughter 2 nights during the week and every other weekend. It is pretty much a half and half split. I work hard and cover the length and bredth of the country with my job but i always make it back for my little girl on my nights. my ex hasnt worked since untill about 2 weeks ago and my daughter has now joined a nursery group 3 days a week. my parents look after my daughter 2 days a week after the nights i had her and i was at work. I have been more than supportive to my ex, helping her out and being there as a friend but recently she has turned nasty. i mentioned to her the other day i would like to go on holiday first week of the holidays. She was fine with that Mentioning that the nursery have calculated 6 days holiday before the new term, basically 2 weeks. I get a message today saying i have to pay the 135 nursery fees for that week. She gets it all paid by tax credits anyway so its not like she is losing out. i am on the birth certificate and have been a comitted parent from the word go. Has anyone else been in this position before and what are my rights. I would love to chat to someone with similar experiences and how it turned out for them
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Mar 2015
@Jordan - you can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order through the courts. If you have parental responsibility, your ex needs your consent to move away. If she is planning this without your knowledge, then a Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. You could also try Mediation if you wish to discuss or resolve a matter and can't agree between you. It does cost, but it also means that the two people have to try and reach an agreement and if she is not willing, then it might be better left to the courts to decide. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Mar 2015
@linzi - it is a tough call and may be a tough road through the courts. He can self-litigate in order to try and get some sort of contact, see article; Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself here. He needs to be able to prove he is doing all he can in order to prove he is re-habilitated, so any parenting courses outside of prison may be to his advantage. Ultimately, he has top prove to the courts he is a responsible parent that has the best interests of his children at heart and genuinely be able to demonstrate that he is remorseful about his previous behaviour. I hope this helps.
Spibs 24 Mar 2015
Hi. Never wrote on a site like this site before but wondering if a few opinions or any advice would help me. I separated from my wife 3 years ago for various reasons and we are due to get divorced soon. We have a now 8 year old son who had just turned 5 when she left and he has remained at home with me since. It was certainly the best decision for him at the time and still is now as he is a very happy, bright and balanced little boy. He goes to school in the village and he gets to see plenty of his mum who lives on an annex attached to her parents 5 miles or so away. My problem is there seems to be a constant tug or war over who has what right and who should be doing what etc. My ex doesn't pay anything toward our son although does get school uniform once a year and pay for his football training. She has him for 3 nights one week and two the next although heavily relies on her parents who he stays with when she works or goes out. I`ve recently suggested that she should contribute a little more for him and also that if she is working at the weekend then he should be at home with me so I can take him out more at weekends (I work all week) but this has just lead to the usual swearing, abusive comments and me being told that I have no more right than her and if he has a night at home on a weekend then she demands a night in the week when he is at school.....even though I have repeatedly told her this would disrupt him going back and forth and it wouldn't be her taking him to school but her parents.. Not sure if that all comes across as a bit of a ramble and that's just the tip really but I suppose I am just incredibly frustrated at the moment and sick of feeling like every time I open my mouth with anything I feel important to do with my son I get the same stuff rammed down my throat. I feel on edge, a bit like its me against them (I do generally get on with her parents ) and ultimately it is me in the main that has kept balance and security for our boy since she left let if it came down to it could she demand custody and just get it being his mum. Thanks for listening
Jordon 23 Mar 2015
Any advice would be appreciated me and my ex wife have a 4 year old boy together we split in August 2014 and I get to see him as much as possible 3-4 nights a week but more recently been up to 5 nights a week I work full time also, she is talking about moving away a place miles away from me so my acces to my son is not be as often is there anything I can do? The other thing is she currently suffers from depression and is under going psychological tests she may also has bi polar, how should I best discuss this with her? As everything I try ends up in a argument
linzi 22 Mar 2015
A friend of mine has recently finished a prison sentence stemmed from a domestic with his ex partner (he tried to end the relationship, she was in denial and threatened that he would never see his son if he left, he got drunk and mouthed off and smashed a couple of windows on one of the families house that the children were in at the time, which he was totally unaware of). He very stupidly got drunk, smashed a couple of windows and subsequently was arrested and given a 9 month sentence. The advice I am seeking is that his ex has placed some kind of injunction against him from seeing his son. Whilst in prison he has rehabilitated himself, seen a counsellor and will continue with the councelling on the outside. As I am sure you will understand he is unemployed and living with parents at the moment and cannot receive legal aid, but where does he turn. He is not a threat to his child, his ex partner has made him out to be a monster and he is desperate for access in any way shape or form but forbidden to contact his ex due to this injunction. I have tried to find information on these circumstances but to no avail. kind regards
SeparatedDads Editor 11 Mar 2015
@taffy79 - there are two thoughts regarding Trichotillomania, one is that it is a stress relief from which you get a sense of gratification from pulling out the hair, another is that it is almost a subconscious action akin to nail biting and is no more serious than that. It really depends on the extent of her hair pulling. If your ex has said she has taken your daughter to the doctors, then at least she is aware of it and perhaps does not want to make too much of an issue, as there really isn't much you can do to stop it. It's a bit like nail biting or skin picking it is habit that can be difficult to stop, but at the same time may not have any long term effects on the person. I think it is something you need to keep a close eye on, but not make a big issue of either. We all know what it's like to Google an ailment, it can give you answers that make you think the very worst. I think your issue is more about having a say in your daughter's welfare which is understandable, but if her mother thinks she is doing the right things for your daughter and that she has things under control then this will/can only cause conflict. The best approach really is to try and work together on this and be diplomatic about it. It's hard to bite your tongue sometimes, but sometimes it's a case of having to. The doctor will have given good advice and the most important thing is that as parents you are both fully aware.
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Mar 2015
@Cawsie - you might be interested in our Separated Dads Facebook page, we put a posting up around Xmas on exactly the same problem and had lots of comments and advice from dads who have gone through exactly the same problem. I hope you find them helpful.
taffy79 9 Mar 2015
I have a daughter who will be turning 10 soon the problem I am having is that even though my daughter was born in 2005 and I have 50 parental rights to her my ex still insist I have no say in her life or up bringing after numerous court proceedings and regular access an a court order in place I still feel like I am hitting a brick wall with her.the problem I am having is for the past year my daughter has been pulling out her eyelashes an eyebrows I have googled it an begged my ex to take her to the doctors which she states she has and says that it is only attention seeking and a bad habit but I have read some very sad stories on this condition and fear it will get worse I have been threatened by my ex husband and recently during a phone call to my partner both my ex am her husband have threatened to stop my access which to me is a clear breach of a court order
Cawsie 6 Mar 2015
I split from my ex nearly 2 years ago and it ended badly. I have a daughter with her who is nearly 3 years old. I pay regular child maintenance which was agreed between us without involving CSA and is the equivalent to what would be paid if the CSA was involved. I also see her once a week for a couple of hours which is what my ex has granted me. I now have a new partner who I have been with for over 6 months and have recently moved in with. I would like my daughter to meet my partner and bring her to my new home but my ex refuses this. I am only allowed to take them places if I am on my own and not with my partner. My name is on the birth certificate, can I do the above without my ex partners approval? My ex also has another daughter who is 7 who I have brought up as my own and thinks of me as her father. I see her at the same time as my biological daughter and treat her the same, buying clothes for her etc. I do not want to see one without the other but I know my ex will not agree to her also seeing my partner.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Mar 2015
@John - I am sorry to hear this, but I'm afraid it is something the US court would have to deal with and because we are a UK-based website, we cannot advise on US law due to the differences.
AM1489 5 Mar 2015
Hey..my good friend is on the short end of a break up with the mother of his child who has made false allegations of domestic abuse, playing the system for legal aid. After she decided that she wanted to go through CMS after they already had a monetary agreement. She has stopped him from having his son with no legitimate reasoning. Only after 2 and a half months was he given 2hrs in a contact centre. He is very frustrated and concerned about how the maintainence money she will get will not be used in the child's best interest. The amount she will be due to get will be more then is possibly required for a child under the age of 2yrs old. Is there any advice you can give. Im very concerned about his well being as a result of the stress with no possible resolution thanks.
John 5 Mar 2015
i lived in the us until 3 yrs ago where i had to return home to the uk to help my terminally ill mother my ex wife during this time blocked all access to my son .. i just found out that he has been adopted and name change and i was never informed or contacted .. i thought that this could not happen .. i have been denied access and my son thinks i dont care .. which is untrue this was all done under false pretense. please i dont know what i can do
San Editor 4 Mar 2015
@Mike - really the only way you can rectify this is if you ask her to sell or if she wont perhaps you could do it through the divorce courts and divide the money, (if that was what you were contemplating after the split). If she is on a low income and may not be able to pay the mortgage, then I assume you are going to be liable to pay it on her behalf rather than get into debt. It's either that or her buy you out if she can afford it, but by what you say this doesn't seem the case. If it is not sustainable your staying with your father, and trying to keep the house going at the same time, then you are going to have to sit down with her and ask her to sort something out as it really is no life for you.
Mike 2 Mar 2015
Hi I have just separated from my wife but not in bad terms as such I have access to my kids when I want but I am 50 and have just moved in temporarily with my father as a stopgap as all our money is tied down into the house which has been valued at 425,000 so I cannot afford to rent I have tried to say to her that if we down size still have 3 bedrooms so they have one each then this will release some cash for me to rent and have them overnight because with the mortgage and me paying all the bills I cannot do this, where do I stand on what I have to pay please she works part time and brings in 450 a month as well. thanks mike
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Feb 2015
@Big boy - there is nothing you can do really except take it to court for a contact order. Our partner article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, should help, whichYou will need to go through the process laid out. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Feb 2015
@madge - I don't understand what you mean by 'rights'? Do you not like it that the ex is around? Would she prefer that he saw his father on her own, or not at all? If they can't agree on access then the best course of action would be for the parents to go through mediation to try and discuss their arrangements, it is cheaper than taking it to court.
Big boy 25 Feb 2015
I split with my ex a year ago, things weren't to good to start with but then we came to an arrangement that I had my son on a Saturday night, one time my son said that mummy's man hurt me, instead if kicking off I rang the police, their checked he was ok + left him in my care, my ex came to pick him up early next morning, since then things have got worse, she has had me arrested for harassment through social media and we have now got social services involved, she is refusing to let me have contact and social services say they can't do anything to help, what can I do
madge 25 Feb 2015
my daugther has separeted from the father of their child and after one year have both found new partners .my daugthers ex boyfriend his new girlfriend came to my daugthers house aggresive abbusive and threathning towards my daugther the police was called.what rigths does my daughter have when the child age 5 years goes to visit her dad with the new girlfriend around.
Matthew Editor 23 Feb 2015
@Sparky1973 - I can totally understand your dilemma and once you leave your house it is much harder to get things sorted out afterwards and as you say much more difficult to have your child over if you can only afford one bedroom. If I were you I would stay in the house and if you both want to divorce then sell the house together as part of the settlement. If you could sit down and talk it over with your wife and try for an amicable agreement which is much better than being at war, especially when your daughter might be caught in the middle. It then means that you can both start afresh with your life with the proceeds of the house. It can also happen that if one person moves out, the other person may deliberately sabotage the sale in order to stay in the home as long as possible, so this is another reason why you may not want to move. Being rational about it will be the best step for both of you and in the long run your daughter. I hope it works out.
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Feb 2015
@Jim - if your ex does not agree, then you can only do this if the court agrees. In order for that to happen, you must appear before a magistrate and prove that you are not likely to leave the country and not come back. You would need to apply for a 'specific issue order', which can be made under section 8 of the Children Act 1989 (ChA 1989). The order gives directions for determining a specific question that has arisen, or that may arise, in connection with any aspect of parental responsibility. I hope this helps.
Sparky1973 20 Feb 2015
Hi, my wife and I seperated 6 months ago but are still in the same house but in separate rooms. We have a 5 year old daughter. I was going to move out into rented accommodation- room only as cannot afford more as yet. The house is shared ownership but is solely in my name for both mortgage and rent etc. we split the bills etc. I have decided that I no longer wish to move as this will affect my relationship with my daughter as I won't be able to have her overnight etc. this has now resulted in less than amicable terms and potentially solicitors involved. I have said that I am not kicking them out but if she wants to go then that's fine but she will also take my daughter with her. She would have received benefit if she had stayed alone in the house so she will get benefit when she does move and our daughter will then have two homes where she can stay. Can I ask for any advice, comments etc....I'm i doing the right thing etc. it may cause upset to our daughter short term but surely long term it will be better?? Thanks all, regards Sparky1973
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Feb 2015
@Johnny - if your name was put on your birth certificate before December 1, 2003, you would not have parental responsibility unless you have been married to the child’s mother or if you have obtained it by a court order or agreement. I hope this helps.
Jim 18 Feb 2015
I am wondering if the court will grant me permission to take my 14 year old daughter on holiday abroad. I am my childs biological father and I have seen her every week since she was born. My daughter wants to go on holiday abroad but her jealous mother wants to block it.
Johnny 17 Feb 2015
I am struggling to find out whether i have parental responsibility of my eldest daughter. My daughter was born in July 2003 and my name is on the birth certificate. My ex wife and i got married in 2008. Because she was born before the changes in December 2003 do i have parental responsibility as i married her mother?
Ryan 17 Feb 2015
Me and my wife are separated and I have moved out although the house is in my name only. I pay all the bills yet she dictates when I can see my children. She also wants my children to meet her new boyfriend at the home which I don't agree with. Please, what are my rights?
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Feb 2015
@JDF - You need to deal with this asap in order to gain contact. Firstly, I suggest you read one of our partner articles When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, link herewhich will guide you through the formal process of what you have to do, starting with a letter requesting access. If she still does not agree, then you will need to apply for a court order to put the process in motion. You may find our Separated Dads Facebook useful as it has lots of postings and many dads who have been through this situation can give some very helpful advice. The Separated Dads websites also give all the advice you need, so it would be wise for you to read them all in order to get all the information to carry you forward. I hope this helps and I hope you manage to gain contact soon.
JDF 12 Feb 2015
My predicament is I have called my ex well technically we are still legally married, but I have made two attempts over the phone to try and see my kids and she will not let me see them she isn't even somewhat reasonable. I just want to see my kids I have done nothing wrong and have never gone through this before and don't know what to do. Is it my right to see my children as a father even if she says I can't? Can I show up whether she has said so or not without there being any legal issues? What do I do?
Louis 7 Feb 2015
I have recently split up with my ex and she got a new partner within a week, they had an online relationship for a month before meeting last week. I found out a few days ago that she is nearly 3 months pregnant with my child. She is trying to pass it off as his to other people and im seeing facebook photos with them both and his hands around my ex's bump. I would like to know my rights as far as being a father to my son or daughter. I am extremely committed to this and will stop at nothing to make sure i can be there for my kid. It would be helpful to know a bit more information about this, she is starting to come round about accepting this but she can change her mind at any time and I fear she could take away my child. What can i do to ensure that doesn't happen.
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Feb 2015
@Nigel - If your ex still has a separate home where she pays bills and keeps her and the children's possessions, and can provide evidence of this, through bills etc, then it is would be quite obvious to any benefits agency that she doesn’t live with you. I hope this helps.
Loops 3 Feb 2015
I'm asking for advice for my brother, he has been separated from his wife for 3 years. They both moved out of the house and it was rented out, she now has the house in her name, my brother rents another place. She has the kids living with her and her boyfriend who she split with my brother for. She has made life very difficult for him regarding seeing the kids, when she is in a good mood or it suits her he can have them, but if he says or does something wrong (like getting in with his life) she moves the goal posts and doesn't allow him access. She shouts and screams (swears) at my brother in front of them (they are under 10 years old). It just seems like he has no rights to them. What can he do?? Mediation is completely out of the question! He has limited income and can't afford a solicitor. Any advice would be gratefuly received. Thank you!
DC 1 Feb 2015
I split with my ex after 8 years an went through a lengthy court battle to gain access which I was successful. I have my name on the birth certificate but was not granted residency. Is my ex able to get a passport an take him on holiday without informing me?
Nigel 1 Feb 2015
My wife and I have separated but are still on good terms, I see my children most days and she has agreed they can stay with me aslong as she stays to, as I know she has difficulty being separated from the children I understand this completely and am happy for her to sleep on the sofa! My question is how many nights can we legally share the same house before she is considered to be living with me/ still in a relationship? The uk laws seem hazy on this and I obviously don't want to cause hassle for her to find housing for herself and the children with the help of the local authorities. We aren't together but worry that the time we spend together will look like we are to other people, at the moment the children think that they are just 'sleeping over' at nannies as a treat and we would like to maintain this charade with them untill things are settled enought for them to be sat down and have everything explained, it's been 2 weeks so far but really need to know where we stand for the future. Thank you
SeparatedDads Editor 30 Jan 2015
@dazzler Parental responsibility includes the right to the disclosure of information held by healthcare professionals about your child. Those with parental responsibility also have a statutory right to apply for access to their children’s health records. I hope this helps.
dazzler 30 Jan 2015
i have been seperated from my wife for nearly 3 years i have my 3 children 2 nights a week my name is on all birth certificates, my 15 yr old daughter has been ill and the doctor did some blood tests to which they found there to be something wrong i text my wife asking what it was that was found and her reply was ask her solicitor i then rang the doctors to ask for an appointment for me and my daughter so i could ask him to explain i was told by the doctor that i needed authorisation to do this from my wife and my daughter what our my rights on this.
JasonW 26 Jan 2015
How do i go about getting a DNA test ? as i don't trust that my ex partner only had intercourse with me over the time we were together. the baby is due in April, so i was also wondering when is the earliest i can find out ? also the mother has fallen out with me because apparently im not being a good farther ? ive done all i believe is necessary as we are not together and she has a new partner . but she has threatened not to put me on the birth certificate which i know will make it harder to have child rights. so i just need to know when can a DNA test happen.
LA 22 Jan 2015
I know this is for dads denied access I'm a mum denied access hope I can post as desperate for advice. Divorced 5 years daughter stayed with Dad to finish school now 16 in f/ t education gcse's this year he thinks he can now stop me. Joint custody. Spent a lot of time manipulating her and bad mouthing me. This was never meant to be a permanent arrangement but he relies on her for company. How do I enforce access? Is there a court form?
hoops45 19 Jan 2015
I split with my ex when my daughter was 2, she's now 7. My ex moved in with another man and he acted as a father to her and my daughter was made to call him dad. I wasn't allowed to see her for a year but after arguments I have seen her for the past few years very regularly and take her on holiday with my family and my my daughter etc. I have always paid for her and never treat her any differently to other kids but my ex has now split up with her partner and my daughter goes to see him and stays with him 3 nights a week, he gets christmas and birthdays with her and if I ever want to see her I'm not allowed because he is, he makes choices of schools and goes to parents evenings. I am named on the birth certificate and she has my surname. I want to know do I have to put up with this? I should be the one doing all of this but I'm not given a choice
PG 18 Jan 2015
My ex girlfriend of 5 years seperated in September 2014 by november she was in a new relationship, by December my 4 year old son was introduced to him. I have asked my ex if we could have set days i would like him 3 days a week and every other weekend so he has structure and also for my work life balance. She has insisted this wont work and asks me every sunday what days i want him the following week then we have to negotiate the days, it becoming a pain and im trying to reduce low contact as I am not fully over her, she is still trying to dictate when we arnt together. Iv played the niced guy pay every month being civil, but its got me nowhere, any advice
Chris Rogers 18 Jan 2015
Hi, Me and my partner split up in December 2014, Since then i have not had contact with my 2 children at all (one is 7 months old and 1 is 2 years old). She is stating that im an unfit father to them, we're not married but i am registered on the Birth Certificate for both children, ive been told to goto mediation by a family solicitor? and i have booked in a meeting for this, However since the split she has removed my 2 year old daughter from nursery, can she do this without me having a say in the matter? Also she is getting medical advise for my 2 year old also without consulting me or letting me know why she needs such attention by the medical staff, I thought as a registered person on the certificates i have a say in certain matters and the fact i thought id have the right to know the welfare of my children? Would i be assuming correctly?
jay 16 Jan 2015
My ex has registered the baby and refused to let me go in birth certificate. How do I go about getting put on it tjanks
Chani.. 16 Jan 2015
Hi I need some advice for my partner. He has 2 daughters with his ex partner who he has been split with for 4 years. I'm not sure about contact at first but he got in to a relationship with someone and she made it very hard for him to see them because of his new relationship. But when he and his ex split she let him see the children. We have been together for 2 years and when she found out about me she started to make it difficult for him again now and there's been a few times where we have had to ring the police. I am now pregnant and she has stopped him from seeing them all together because we are expecting. He works but we can't really afford solicitors we was hoping she would come round but that doesn't look hopeful. Where do we start he is worried it will take a long time before he gets to see his children. What can he do.
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Jan 2015
@Summer84 - a lot of parents suffer from this type of reaction in that when things are running smoothly and no questions are asked, then the main carer may appear much more flexible than when an issue is raised whereby they take offence. This is where is becomes wrong to use the children as a weapon, but it remains something that many parents are guilty of. The fact that your son asked to see the nursery payments should not result in his ex reducing their agreed access. Due to the fact he has parental responsibility, he could approach the nursery directly and ask what the nursery bills are and they should give him that information. However, unfortunately his ex being the main carer can do anything she wants which includes limiting your son's access to his child and the only recourse he has is to go through the legal process if he wants to get some structured arrangements in place. Issues such as this legally remain a bone of contention, yet still unfortunately remains one where there are no specific laws in place.
Summer84 15 Jan 2015
My boyfriends x is starting to be funny with him ,he has a 4year old with her and has always picked him up from nursery had at after nursery every night for a few hours and has him over night at the weekend , he has always paid more to her in maintenance then he needs to, but because now he has asked to see the nursery invoices she has turned funny saying she will tell nursery not to let him pick his son up, and stopping him from seeing him like he used to, can she stop him picking him up I know he has the right to pick what schools he goes to but can she stop him picking him up
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Jan 2015
@veruscha - no he isn't responsible to pay for your travel to see your son. If you don't agree with your ex moving away, you can apply for a prohibitive steps order through the courts (he has to get your consent to move away and cannot do it without). Have a look on our Separated Dads Facebook page on December 12, which deals with someone in a similar situation and has lots of comments and helpful advice on what you should do from other parents who are in the same situation. I hope this helps.
ESSBEE 6 Jan 2015
In August after 5 years togetther my partner decided to end the relationship.We have a 19 month old son together She allows me to see him three times a week in her house but wont let me take him out.I am named on birth certificate.Can she do this?
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jan 2015
@singlemumstogether - if he is not on the birth certificate then he has no automatic rights or parental responsibility. You might want to draw up your will via a solicitor and see if you can appoint a specific person to be your child's legal guardian should anything happen to you. If the father has not been consistent in his life or a part of it in any way, then it is unlikely that your will would be contested. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Jan 2015
@MrWise - You can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order - this doesn't prevent her from moving, but it can prevent her from taking the children. You may find our Separated Dads Facebook page of help which had a recent posting on a similar topic and can offer help and advice from dads who are in the same or similar position. I hope this helps.
singlemumstogether 5 Jan 2015
Hi, I am wondering if you can help reassure me. I have a 7 year old son, now his father walked out on me during pregnancy. His name is not on the birth certificate (his choice)has no parental responsibility, since the day he walked out, he's basically never looked. He has never met my son, no contact etc.....but pays through CSA.Pays for a child he chooses not to see or be in his life. I tried at the beginning but he would always say the same thing, that he wants no part in his sons life. So have had no contact with me since. What I really want to know if god forbid something serious happened to me, I wasn't around to look after my son, would his father get automatic custody, bearing in mind he'd of played no part in his life nor his family & would be a total strangers to him. If it went to court I'm fully advised he would have a huge fight on his hands if he went for custody as the family he knows will fight for custody. It frightens me so much I would appreciate your advise. And advise me of what age can a child have a say in this matter.Thank you.
Boxy 5 Jan 2015
Three years ago I was in a relationship that ended pretty badly. My partner and her family were abusive towards me and hence the relationship came to a close. I was informed about twelve months after the relationship had finished that my ex partner had given birth. I confronted the family and my ex with regards to the paternity and was told that her current partner was the father. I took them for their word but have seen photographs of the child since (aged around two) and I am certain that I have been lied to. Without giving too many details I was not allowed to see my ex partner at all and have only seen her once in the three or so years so was not aware of the pregnancy so I dont have many details only my gut instinct. Is there any help out there for me? I have been robbed of the joys and previous moments of a child's life and she has missed out on her father. I am currently not in an ideal financial situation as I have an eighteen month old but would appreciate any advice that could be given to me. Many thanks.
Rooftopflyer 3 Jan 2015
Hi everyone, I need some advice. My wife was admitted to hospital with mental health issues last May, these issues have had a massive impact on our entire marriage but we always lived with it and I supported her. Later despite being discharged twice during the summer she never got over it and struggled, this ended up with her being re admitted. She separated from me in November with no real grounds apart from her claim that she could not live with me any longer, she was still in hospital at the time but was discharged a week later. I gave up my position as a full time employee and went part time, this was to support her more and most importantly to be there for my two daughters who are aged four and six. I subsidised my loss of earning by working my days off with my small limited company. I am now getting letters from her solicitor, I have received two so far, I have sent one in return but I need to know the best way to deal with the following. 1. The children have been resident at our home their entire lives but now my wife has a flat she wants to take custody, I do not feel she is well enough and she cannot work and has also lost her driving license. I would prefer the children stay with me as I am back working full time, I am stable and can support all of their needs. 2. I am being asked to have my home,pension and other assets valued, is this a nor,Al thing and is my home under threat? We are both on the mortgage but I would be willing to buy her out if I can afford it. 3. Can I apply for any benefits, am I already due benefits from the period I was at home alone with the children being mum and dad ( May to Present Day ). 4. How do I stop her emptying our joint account of money and spending erratic amounts on her new flat which she moves into next week? 5. How do I make her realise she still has financial responsibilities to adhere to as she doesn't seem to be taking that serious and I'm worried she gets me into some sort of trouble as a result? Any help appreciated.
Mrk1rkwood 2 Jan 2015
Hi, I'm concerned as my 8 year old daughter has mentioned "moving to Germany next year" with her mother and new step father. They recently married and he works in the Army. He is regularly stationed in Germany and they broke up last year as he had asked her and my daughter to move there with him and she refused. They are also expecting a new child. I have family in the forces and they have said a lot of couples get married to get housing if one is in the forces as its a lot cheaper living or even free. Also in the summer she asked me "why do people need lawyers?". I'm quite concerned as I don't want to loose contact with her and I'm not financially sound enough to afford a lawyer! I don't exactly live close to her anyway and it takes a great effort and money to spend time with her, so a move to Germany would certainly increase that. I'm not sure of my rights regarding this. Is it still classed as emigration if its with the army? Can they move her to a different country without my permission as I do have parental responsibility?
star 30 Dec 2014
My partner has a 16 month old son with his ex. He pays maintenance and has triied to keep it amicable. She has made him seeing his son repeatedly difficult and has also attacked him with his son there. She is now threarening to call social services to get their son taken away as she cant cope. Where does my partner stand? Can he claim custody? How does he go about it?
Mr Wise 29 Dec 2014
My ex-partner is threatening to move my son across the country. What are my rights on this matter, I have Parental Responsibility. A serious medical condition means I am unable to obtain a driving license and the cost of trains/buses isn't economically viable for me. I have, and will continue, to make regular CSA payments and more importantly have a fantastic relationship with my son, something that I fear will be harder to maintain and potentially breakdown if large distances are put between us as I currently see him 3 weekends out of every 4.
taz 26 Dec 2014
My brother has a child with his ex girlfriend. His name isn't on the birth certificate and his ex is refusing a dna test to prove he is the father. She won't accept csa or allow him contact. It is clear he is the father as his daughter is a spitting image of him and was conceived at the time they were in a relationship. How does he get contact and can his ex legally refuse to have a dna test done on their daughter?
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Dec 2014
@sye - if you are concerned then I suggest you follow it up with your local council to see what measures have been put in place. If the council thinks your child isn’t receiving a suitable education, they might serve a school attendance order. If you have parental responsibility over your children, then you should have been consulted. I hope this helps.
sye 13 Dec 2014
I just wanted to ask if i have any say in my children being in school. I have 2 boys age 5-6 they live with there mother as we have been split for last 2 years. She is saying that she is home tutoring them and they are not going into no school. i have noticed that both boys are behind in things. I would like them in school mixing with other children and learning . Thanks
shak 7 Dec 2014
I have been seperated from my ex for the past 3 years and time to time she has made my life hard for not seeing my kids I have been paying for their maintanance since we have seperated including their school meals and clothing ect she has got me arrested 3 times on false alligations that I have tried to beat her up I have no faith in police because they have always preferred women rights no matter how much shes lying btw I have never r been charged by police . I have been assaulted by her bf too and then again police didn't take any action instead they came on my door and gave me warning. I used to see my kids on daily basis and they used to stay with me all thd time last month as usual I went to see them and she called the police and they arrested me again on harassment if seeing your kids is causing harassment then I dont have any answer to that I havent seen them for a monyh and I cant afford solicitors as im paying fot their maintanance and im on a low income Help plz
Phil Editor 25 Nov 2014
@Dean - you as the non-resident parent, if parental responsibility has been acknowledged will get custody. Phil.
Dean 24 Nov 2014
Hi all, my ex and I have three children and she has recently had another with her new partner. She is writing a will and has suggested that in the event of her death I may not get automatic custody of the children. We were never married, I have automatic parental responsibility, I play a huge part in the childrens lives including day to day stuff - I probably have them 5 or 6 nights in a 14 night cycle, sometimes more depending on various things. We all generally have a really good amicable relationship. I live in the village where they go to school, I work full time, I have a big enough house to home them.. Any advice appreciated. Would like to think that I'd automatically get custody but dont want to assume!
DB Editor 19 Nov 2014
@LJ - although he has parental responsibility, he doesn't necessarily have rights to contact, it purely means the other parent has to keep the non-resident updated about their well-being and progress. Contact is a different issue altogether. There are two things here; 1). The maintenance issue, you don't say whether he is working or not, but he should be paying something towards her upkeep. 2). If your step-daughter is genuinely unhappy about going then it might be time to address the issue head on and perhaps re-arrange things where she is happiest. Has your partner thought of going through mediation? It is one way to attempt to resolve the situation if they can't resolve it between themselves. First and foremost your step-daughter's wishes have to come first and if she is unhappy at going you really need to listen to her and find an alternative way around it. Dave.
Sal Editor 19 Nov 2014
@Chrisg...there is nothing illegal about staying with your children at your girlfriends. Some ex's don't like you to move on, or take a dislike to a new partner for some reason, or they just like to make life difficult. It's usually something you have to sort out between yourselves. Perhaps, it's something you should sit down with your ex and discuss the reasons why and what you can do to get around it.
LJ 18 Nov 2014
I have been in a relationship with my partner for nearly 5 years. During this time I have increasingly treated her now 5 3/4 yr old daughter as my own and now fully financially support both mother and child and reside with them in a house we bought approx 18 months ago. We function as a family and she refers to me as both her step parent and "real family". She has never known life without me. Our little girl was less than 1 yr old when her parents split and has no memory of living with her father. We have always encouraged her to have a relationship with her father, although he has been difficult and even violent towards my partner (I have no concerns about the child in this regard or us at this point). He had sporadic access (his choice) for the first few years but now, at our suggestion, sees her every other weekend and in school holidays and has done so for approx 18 months. He does not pay any form of maintenance or provide for his daughter in any way. He refuses to buy her shoes etc and does not even brush the childs hair, such is his level of care. All agreements, other than their divorce, have been made informally &, although he wants one, we have been advised that a court order re. access etc would not be issued unless we were preventing visitation, which we don't want to do. The father officially has parental responsibility as he's named on the birth certificate. Our little girl does not like being "sent away" every other week and cries because she misses her family and her home (he also does not have his own home and takes her to various friends or relatives each time so it's not very stable). Yet it seems there is nothing we can do. Ideally I'd like to find a way to make her (and us) happier about these visits and rather than reduce their time together, but she is becoming increasingly unsettled by being sent to stay with him. It's very upsetting for her and my partner and I. The father says it's tough and she must come as he has rights and went so far as to say she will be forced to go, whether she wants to or not. At what point are the child's rights protected above the legal parent, when their is no "danger" etc? We are approaching christmas and he claims he has a legal right to have her, despite the fact that the idea of being away from home again upsets her terribly. Does anyone have advice on a legal, or sensible way of making him see what he is doing to this poor little girl?
Chrisg 17 Nov 2014
Me and my ex partner have been separated for nearly 2 years. I happen now met someone else who I have been dating for nearly a year. However my ex will not allow me to have my children stay at my girlfriends when it is my weekend. Is this legally allowed? I pay my ex every month without fail and tried keeping it all amicable.
need advice please 4 Nov 2014
My husband to be, has a daughter from a previous partner, they were not married, the daughter does not have his name, nor is he on her birth certificate (no-one is - mothers choice) he pays maintenance and he has his daughter every other weekend and every other opportunity possible that the mother allows.we are due to get married next year and want to take our children, including his daughter, on our 'familymoon' - I guess im just wondering whether this will be possible. Obviously he has asked her mothers permission, she has agreed.im more worried about boarder control, as she has a different surname and im worrying how we can have proof that he is her daughter? I only ask because on our way home through boarder control they wouldn't let me go through with my daughter because she had a different surname, she had to go through with her dad. goodness knows what I would have done if he was not on holiday too. any advice would be much appreciated. thanks
LJ 4 Nov 2014
I am dating someone who has ex issues and she has told him he can't see his kids if he is dating. Legally can she use this as a reason to stop him if there is no evidence of neglect or danger to the children?
Sam Editor 30 Oct 2014
@AMG - Discussing such issues through mediation with your former partner and coming to an agreement is agreeably often better than going straight to court. But, mediation is a voluntary process and will only work if both parties agree on it as a possible solution to their dispute. Have you appealed to her better nature and spoken to her about how upset you are? If not, you should do that in the first instance. If she is not empathetic then perhaps you should then consider taking the next step, which is never easy.
JJ Editor 22 Oct 2014
@KJA Given there is approx 13 weeks holiday per year for state schools including six weeks through the summer, two at Easter, two over the Christmas period and an extra three week half terms which does not include inset days, then don't you think you are being a touch unreasonable expecting your ex wife to shoulder all of these? Women have to work too. If you were caring for your children jointly then you would by rights be expected to take at least six weeks out to look after your children, so I'd think yourself lucky. JJ
KJA 21 Oct 2014
I have been separated from my x wife for 12 months now. We have agreed through mediation what I should pay to her each month based on the time I look after my 2 children each week. She has now told me that I need to take additional days off work to look after the children during holidays etc as she has to work as well. I have a full time job and wanted to know if she can make me take this time off as holiday to look after the children or is it her responsibility as the primary carer of the children to sort out childcare or take holidays herself to care for them? I do not see why when she gets Child Tax credits, maintenance and has a job she gets to dictate when I take my holidays?
maisie Editor 21 Oct 2014
@stuwill - theoretically you will still have to discuss with her mother if you want to change your daughter's school. It depends upon your relationship and whether your daughter still sees her mother, as the mother still has a right to decide.
stuwill 21 Oct 2014
my now 15yr old daughter has lived with me and my fiancee for 2 yrs does this mean i have parental responsibility(i wasnt married to her mother) because i want to change her school.
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Oct 2014
@sappphhh if the prospective father wants rights to a child he thinks might be his then he is entitled to take it to court. Any person with a sufficient personal interest can apply for a declaration of parentage as it is generally accepted within the family justice system that, unless there are exceptional circumstances, it is always best that a child's true identity is made known. Hope this helps.
sappphhh 13 Oct 2014
my son is 3, im unsure who the father is but my ex thinks he is his .. no one is on the birth cirtifiacte but he wants to take me to court and is taking me to court .. how has he got so far with court when im not sure he is the dad ?
sosadgranma 8 Oct 2014
After struggling to cope with raising their profoundly disabled daughter,my Son's relationship has broken down. The child needs 24/7 awake care and has night nurses. The parents care for her during the day. Do you think the father will be able to get housing to enable his child to stay over with him , and continue to share the care? she is the main carer and only one parent is allowed to be registered carer. He can't afford more than a room .
BMD 4 Oct 2014
What age can my son influence a holiday destination. My son will be 12 in June 2015, I wish to take him to my property in Thailand for a two week holiday. I have previously taken my son on holiday twice to Spain with my ex-wife's permission, but my ex-wife is reluctent to allow my son to travel to Thailand due to the distance, although she has never travel outside of Europe. Do I need to apply to the courts or will my son's decision persuade his mothers final decision?
no 4 Oct 2014
Hi my wife and I are separating we have two girls aged 8&3 she wants me to move on and get a new abode let her keep the house until kids are 18 then sell up and split the difference. She wants me to give her 400 a month for kids .we have a bit of debt what can I do
Sharon Roberts 3 Oct 2014
Hi my son has a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship,he has been seein g her regularly every other weekend and everyother tuesday for the past four years since him and his ex split up.he has endured hassle of his ex every month,but has had a constant relationhip with his daughter.over the past year he has had more hassle with his ex and some months he's only been aloud to see her once a month which is breaking his and his daughters heart at the moment he hasnt seen his daughter for over a month he's not aloud to talk on the phone to her either.the ex has got issues and social services are involved with the mother but my son cant reason with her what should he do.
Sharon Roberts 3 Oct 2014
Hi my son has a 6 year old daughter from a previos relationship,he has been seein g her regularly every other weekend and everyother tuesday for the past four years since him and his ex split up.he has endured hassle of his ex every month but has had a constant relationhip with his daughter.over the past year he has had more hassle with his ex and some months he's only been aloud to see her once a month which is breaking his and his daughters heart at the moment he hasnt seen his daughter for over a month he's not aloud to talj on the phone to her either.the ex has got issues and social services are involved with the mother but my son cant resdon with her what should he do.
foxy 29 Sep 2014
I have been separated from my wife for over five years and have two children aged 15 & 14 which i have joint custody, we have an informal agreement where help support my kids finically. I have now asked for a divorce as i wanting to get married again but my ex is saying she won't sign any papers until pay her child maintenance. How do i stand legally on this matter. Thanks
Gazza1 Editor 29 Sep 2014
@Di206, you are the main carer so day to day things like GP and schools are your responsibility and you don't need the permission of the father to change anything. As you said, you have registered your son at your local doctors and your 15 year old is happy with this. If your ex wants to be petty and register him at the another doctors let him, he'll have to prove he's got parental responsibility and that your son lives with him, which he doesn't, so he won't get very far.
Di206 26 Sep 2014
Hi, my son has recently moved back home with me (mum) he is 15 and his dad has a residence order, We have both consulted solicitors and everyone is in agreement that my son now lives with me. I am now classed as main carer and school have updated their records, however dad is saying he will not give me permission to change our sons gp!! their gp is half hour away where as mine is 2 min walk!! i said surely he wouldn't come under their catchment area any more but he said he has checked and they will keep tom there. This really isn't convenient, if i need to get my son to a doctor quickly i can't be expected to travel half an hour to get him their gp!! i have already reg my son with my gp an my son is happy with this but his dad is saying he will re register him with their gp, can i stop this?? This is just a control thing in my eyes.
Stevie 23 Sep 2014
My partner of 11 years left our home on 19th June this year , leaving a not saying she had taken our daughter aged 9 and moved into a council house as she was unhappy. One month later she took our daughter to America on holiday ....to meet her boyfriend who I have since found out via internet they were having an affair for over three years. I do not know where they are staying and my ex partner has not responded to email or text contact and has also ignored two letters from my solicitor asking for visitation rights the first letter dated 22nd August. I went to the police concerned over my daughters safety and they said they could do anything unless I knew my daughters safety was at risk. I have also spoke to my daughters head teacher and teacher and they said they would advise me if my daughter was removed from school , but would only inform me if they had information on her new school. My partner and I were not married but my name is on the birth certificate ....my lawyer has advised my to proceed with court action. My only concern at this moment is being able to have regular contact with my daughter .....but sadly my ex partner has shut off all contact and I only have her works address where my lawyer sent letters to , although I have only seen my daughter four times since she was taken from our home they have been brief contacts. I have done nothing wrong against my ex partner or daughter and can't understand why no one seems to be able to advise or help in trying to make contact with my daughter as my ex partner is the one who took her from our home and destroyed my life ....very concerned father
Putkidsfirst 23 Sep 2014
Karen How old are the kids. If he has parental responsibility he has legal rights. You're obviously in a bad place , but think of the kids first. Is he a good father?If he is a good father then your kids need him more than you don't want him.
fee Editor 22 Sep 2014
@Taff, she doesn't have to tell you where she is living and she doesn't have to tell you that she is moving. Has something happened that she feels she has to stop all contact and move without informing you?
Taff 21 Sep 2014
Can my estranged wife who is Mother to my Daughter a) move home without notifying me? if so, surely an address of where my Daughter is and will be residing must be given to me and b) surely lines of communication i.e. phone numbers etc must also remain open, as she has blocked all telephone numbers I cannot contact her at all
Karen 17 Sep 2014
Hi need sum help and advice im looking in to having my husbands rights removed....
waz 9 Sep 2014
I have been with my partner for nearly 9 years and we have 2 children aged 5 and 3. I am on both birth certificates. we recently split and i have just found out she has been claiming all the benefits of a single mother in addition to me paying atleast £700 into her bank account directly from mine. Now im being threatened with csa by her and her mother. Where do I stand? Ive said im willing to pay towards my children and would never make them go without but I just need advise as she wants the full £700 I was paying before we split.
bazza 9 Sep 2014
My brother in law has had 2 kids...which he was present at the birth...They have been together for a while but have recently split...The kids are 3 and 1.. He wanted his name on the birth certificate for both kids..but each time she registered the kids without him knowing..and also put father unknown. What right does a mother have to do this when she clearly knows who the father is? Can she be prosecuted for this?
B 7 Sep 2014
My partner split up from his girlfriend while she was pregnant due to not getting on, she has been difficult ever since about him seeing his daughter she has allowed him to see her about 3 times for a couple of weeks then stops him. He has recently seen his daughter again for a couple of months once a week or her terms, he then couldn't make one week as we have 3 children of our own and he had to have them due to that she got annoyed and told him he's not allowed to see her again. When the child was born she didn't tell him when she was getting her registered so he had no say in being on the birth certificate. Just wanted to know what rights he would have being on the birth certificate and if he applied for a contact order so it may stop his ex from being difficult. I think she's being very unfair can she do this?
Pam Editor 5 Sep 2014
@vito, unfortunately she can. Has your son considered taking her to mediation to resolve the issues, as this is the first step before court? As grandparents you don't really have any legal rights to see the children and really the focus should be on your son's access for now.
vito 4 Sep 2014
My son is splitting up from his partner of 3 years. They have 2 twins which carry my son's last name on the birth certificate. She has just told him that he has to seek a solicitor, if he wants to see them. Can she do this? What are his rights? and what do we have, as grandparents? Thank you for your answers.
Mark01234 1 Sep 2014
Hi we not married but live apart and not together I have 8 mths old twins and they live with her I am a hands on father I go round in the mrng from 6:30 to 8:45 then I go to work then go back round from 5:30pm til 8:30pm I then go home and do the same every day I have been told I'm not allowed to do this as it will deemed as we r together which is not the car as it will effect her benefits I love my babies and there for them only she has mild learning difficulties so I'm there helping her out so what I want to know is there a limit on when I can see my babies when we not together
Help 27 Aug 2014
I need advice. My son has just been told by his ex-partner that he is not allowed to see his son anymore and to see a solicitor if he doesnt like it. He is named as the father on his sons birth certificate (he was born in 2011) can see do this, what rights does he have as father? Also as a Grandparent have I any rights? Thanks
Mr Brightside 26 Aug 2014
Hiya, Have been separated from my wife of 5 yrs having left the family home around 4 months ago. This was due to the fact that she had insisted I leave as we were living in different areas of the family home for the sake of our twin boys (2 yrs old). Things have been up and down and since leaving she has insisted to all concerned I was unfaithful after I was spotted having dinner with a female friend by members of her family (a month after moving out). She initially insisted that I should pay for a divorce but now has said she would like to petition me for unreasonable behaviour as she will get legal aid. She has also requested that I allow her to add her family surname to my sons surname as she will be changing hers back. Essentially I'm concerned about her change of heart regarding the divorce petition and also the surname change - will agreeing to either jeopardize my ability to see my kids? I have been seeking a divorce and have been requesting the marriage certificate from her for the last 3 weeks but now she has had this sudden change of heart and I feel concerned of her intentions. She has previously posted material on social media and had to be cautioned by the police after coordinating threatening phone calls to a female work colleague. I personally just want to do whats best for my children and move on but I am scared about not knowing all the facts. Please help.
Andrew H 21 Aug 2014
Hi I still married to my ex partner we spilt 2and a half year ago, I have joint custardy and joint pr, my ex has residency order in her favor. My ex ask to take the children 50 mile away on hook day I agreed, but since she has given her house up and went in a woman's hostel with children she has moved 14 times in 4 year and she's has under taken an agreement with the court she won't move she has blocked my number from the children's phones and blocks any other number I phone off, the courts cannt do anything as there isn't an address of where they are and it's impossible for me to find out with them been in a hostel, social services refused to get involved 2 weeks ago when I give them my concerns, even though they only came off child protection 8 month ago and received another phone call today stateing they still cannt get involved, my last port of call is that the school block any attempt to take them out of that school or until I get an address for my ex to be served with papers, but that still doesn't help how no one is will to even find out if my children are safe
adz 21 Aug 2014
hi i need some advice please ive just split from ex partner and shes not letting me see my son ATM .. im not sure what to do
No1daddy 21 Aug 2014
Thanks seperated dads but that only helps if I actually know which practice they are registered too which I don't? I need to know how I find where she is registered to?
No1daddy 21 Aug 2014
How can i find out which doctors my child is now registered to? She moved over a year ago and I still don't know this?
warrior 21 Aug 2014
my son has paid faithfully for his son every week since he was born three years now he has already spent thousands on lawyers to get access he gets access then the mother justs stops it on whim whenever she feels like like he has applied for legal aid twice for to take it to court and twice been refuged because his lawyer said that the childs mother has opposed this making out he isn't trying enough well im sorry he is doing more than I,ve ever seen anybody do how does she have the right to do this
hail Editor 20 Aug 2014
@Pauley, you won't get custody just because she lied to you, albeit the worst lie possible. This doesn't make her a bad parent and it doesn't mean that taking your daughter away from her mother will be in her best interests. You have to do what is best for your child and parent together.
Pauley 19 Aug 2014
I have separated from my x I am on my sons birth certficate since birth now 4.5 years old and I am not the father , I have been paying csa and want remain in my sons life even though I am not the natural father. I also have a daughter by the same mother that is mine can I get custody of her in view of the situation Thanks
Irishbhoy 18 Aug 2014
My ex wife has decided to leave the south of England and move to Bradford with our son I am supposed to have a contact order in place and have every other weekend with my little boy and this is getting to me she has also plastered comments on a social media site as I recently collapsed at work with a T.i.a and under hostipal direction and can't do my job which I hate every weekend that my son comes and stays with me and it's time to go back to my ex wife he cries his little heart out
Coolbeans 11 Aug 2014
Howdo, I'm a 29 year old, still married , heading towards Seperation and divorce. Myself and my "wife" are at a stalemate at the moment. We have been to court twice regarding contact of our 2 year old daughter who at the moment is residing with her. I have been attending visitation at the local contact centre for around 16 months now. obviously I'm not impressed by this arrangement and for the time spent there. The court order though allows my parents to attend at the contact centre. I have made it clear that I don't want the maternal Mother-In-Law present as all she does is continuously stir the cauldron and annoy my elderly father. Then whatever she can get from that she takes it to the local police and calls it harassment, which then involves a call to me to keep my elderly father in-line - But it's right in what he says, the Maternal grandmother should not be present, she is only twisting the court order because it says nothing that the first order did; that we did not want her present. (She kept bursting into the contact room and taking charge and asserting her alpha dominance.) Now the point I want to ask is, how easy would it be to get some kind of restraining order against the maternal grandmother to draw a line between her and my father so she can't keep doing this to get more fodder for when the divorce does eventually happen? I would say i'd like to keep my Dad away from the contact centre, but it's unfair that he doesn't get to see his granddaughter when the Court Order allows it.
manda 4 Aug 2014
Need advice for a friend He has two child same mother but one if not biologically his, they split and they both live with him he is named on birth certificate, but she's threatening to take him to court for the child does he have any right he's brought this child up from birth and he's now 4 and is heart broken at the thought of loosing him, he's also worried about his safety adage mental unstable but worried if things go through and he mentions it he will be put in care
needadvice 30 Jul 2014
Hello, I want to have a child. I am not married. If one of my friends agrees to have a child with me, how can he not be liable to pay child support? I don't need his money, I only want my child to have his family name. Thanks
Hussein Osman 16 Jul 2014
I am a 17 year old male, I have a son who is just 1 month away from his first birthday and if you know me you know that I would do anything for my child. I love my little boy then anyone in this world's. I look after him, he stays mine every Thursday, Friday & Saturday something me and his mother agreed on. However the only thing that annoys me &really knows how to crush my heart is the fact that she believes and also made me believe that she has 100% Right over him. Every argument we have is never todo with me not seeing my son enough or issues about our son but its argument between us issues that she don't want to solve. She keeps bringing our little boy involved and threatens me with "How am never gonna see my son again" this happens allot and not once have I ever just sat down and let it run I'd bug her family off till I get to see him & take in mind I'm only 17 and still in full time education and still taking my responsibility. I really need legal help but I'm just scared that people might think that we aren't able to look after him or something like that & that why I left it for so long but honesty I can't keep living like this. She is rruining my life slowly and I'm the one who is letting it happen
Adrian Leatherbarrow 15 Jul 2014
Need advice, Myself and my partner of 8 years have just split up we are not married and have a two year old daughter who I am named on the birth certificate as the father. We have had a very stormy 8 years in which she has physically attacked me many times and I have retaliated in the past but no reports were ever made as we accepted we were both being stupid, kissed and made up. This has all come to a head recently where she has tried to have me charged with GBH which has been dropped to basic assault as I pushed her over when she tried to hit me in the face which resulted in carpet burn on her knees. Where do I stand in terms of contact with my daughter I am currently not allowed to contact her or go to our home or her parents what can I do I love my daughter and am fraught with worry I will never see her again. Thanks
daddybigheart 8 Jul 2014
Hi, I have a child 1 year old. We broke up with the mum and I am going to move away from our place soon. I love my son more than everything and I will offer him all I can. The mum is studying at college medicine and we hahave to leave our daughter to the nursery. She doesn't work and she gets things like full housing I benefit, child tax credit and child benefit. I was wondering what amount or % I have to pay for yhe nursery if our daughter lives with her and is going to the nursery just because she wants to study. She is 30. Please let me know ASAP as it is a too crucial mayter. Thanks.
trish 3 Jul 2014
Ok ..I have been with my ppartner fr 8 yrs now he has a daughter to another woman she is 9.. Her mum has made it difficult for access from day one of us being together ,, He applied for a court order and got granted it .. He sees her only every other weekend and no school hols as her mum refuses it not for the want of trying to get more contact.. He also pays maintainance every week. She got married 4 years ago and has now seperated from he husband they have a 3 yr old son together , She keeps trying to get back together with her husband but it never seems to work out .. She has asked my partner too change his daughters name to her married name and he refused point blank . now she has stopped all contact and yesterday we received a deed poll for him to sign her to her Ex husbands surname .. What can we possibly do here and to regain contact with the child .. I have 2 girls and we cant afford to take it to court as we dont earn enough money.. She says she can change the surname without him agreeing is this true ?
Proud single dad 23 Jun 2014
I've been divorced since May 2013 and myself and my ex wife settled out of court to avoid costs etc! I work as freelance and December 2013 until May 2014 I did not work and told that until i got work in I was unable to make any Maintence payments from end of January! My wife works and also has income from her rental property so I she was not going to be left in any dire need to support our daughter! Since starting work I made a payment of a month and a half leaving 3 and half months to catch up with! I have told my ex that I'd make another payment at the end of this week but I said it would be half of what I owe as I need what is left to keep me going for July! She is now demanding that unless I make full payment on everything I owe I will not be seeing my daughter! Could you tell me if she can do that, if that legal and what is the best course of action Regards Iain
Julia 15 Jun 2014
I was with my partner for 7 years but left due to emotional and physical abuse. We had a 3 year old daughter - I went back to work when she was 1 as he was on dole so he looked after her for one year. I left and moved in with parents who now look after child while I'm at work. He lives in different town but now wants residency. Is he likely to get it? He is on dole( or sick).
Lis 14 Jun 2014
My son and his partner have 2 children.they are not married but have lived together for 7years he is on the birth certificates .she has said she wants him to move out.he has done a huge amount of work on the land and built the house What rights does he have.he wants to be near his children and will lose everything he has worked for.
Chris 12 Jun 2014
Months after my child, now 5, was born his mother 'ran away'. A few months ago she wanted him back just out of the blue and went to court about it. He now spends 2 weeks at her hous and 1 at mine. But now she is going to court to take him totally out of my hands. Me and my sin have an excellent relationship and he doesn't even like her at all. Surley the law cannot be on her side can it?
dadio 11 Jun 2014
my 12 year old son wants to spend a few weeks with me, he was born before 2003 so i dont have parental responsibilite. his mother is makes things hard as he is under a councillor in school, and when we attended he mentioned he wants to spend a few weeks with me to bond, now in the mean time is mam as been shouting and swearing at me and lied to the school councillor about things, and so they have got the child protection officer involved. like i said he as been with me now for over a week and said he wants a few more weeks with me, whats my rights,
moe 11 Jun 2014
I had a one night stand and was not part of the baby for almost a year, because the mom did not want to do DNA test, at his 10 month she brought him to my house and we started mutual communication, I sent her money since then! after a he turned one she asked to pick him up because he was in danger so he has been in my home in and out for the past year, he lived with me for the last 3 months straight but she took him last night, I an not the legal father but have been a physical, emotional, and financial father! What can I do to get legal rights,if she took him and wont let me see him. Im worried for his safety and stability, I have proof that he has lived with me and not her most o the time!
David Moss 8 Jun 2014
Hi all, I am the very proud father of a 3 month old daughter. Unfortunately, the mother and I are not a couple since before birth.. Things have been up and down due to her raging hormones but I have kept it very civil thus far. I have been to every appointment since we found out she was pregnant and I have seen my daughter every day since she was born. (apart from 2 days when both mum and daughter visited the grandparents far from home) I have found it very hard to see my daughter as I am having to do this mostly when it suits the mum. She is now making it very difficult, buy asking me to stay away as she needs time to herself..... thus I am now not seeing my daughter this weekend. Since she was born, I have bought 95% of the things that my daughter needs; pram, buggy, clothes, all nappies, all wipes, all food, 2 x lots of nursery furniture etc etc... even offered 500pm to make up the shortfall in her maternity pay. I have also offered to look after our daughter when the mum returns to work, wants to go out with friends or just wants a break.. basically anytime she cant look after our daughter, I will.... Basically, after buying everything at a cost of thousands of pounds and offering to look after my daughter anytime she cannot or doesnt want too, I will.... she is now limiting my access and even mentioned the CSA!!! I want to play fair and I think I have been more than fair but its got me nowhere. The mum rents a 3 bed propery and lives there with her two sons (14 & 11)and our daughter, thus no spare room. I own a 3 bed house on my own as I do not have any other children so I have a nursery already looking beautiful for her. My question is, what should I do now? What rights do I have to ask for joint custody? Will CSA get involved if I can prove that I am doing more than they would ever ask for? Help help help, I do not want to take her away from her mum, I just want what is in my mind "fair".... .thank you all David
Titch 7 Jun 2014
My ex partner assaulted my child which is not his I've got 2girls that are I've refused access due to safeguarding them as he's on medication and of unstable mind he's taking me to court for access as his names not on the birth certificate what are the odds of this being granted due to the nature of the situation any advice would ease my mind .
Harry Editor 6 Jun 2014
@need advice quick - you are the children's mother so you have automatic parental responsibility and as the children live with you full time you also have custody. His family are just trying to scare you by the sound of it. He can not just come out of prison and to your house to see the children, this would be distressing as they do not know him and totally unfair on them and you.
need advice quick 5 Jun 2014
I have 3 young children to the same dad . We split up 5years ago . He didn't bother with the children n went to prison two years later . Then the year year after he went to prison. He started weighting to the children who are too young to read the letters a good job with the content in some of them . He is due to e realised and plans on coming to the house to see the children they do not know or remember him . His family say I don't have custody of the kids . Is this true? They have lived with me since the day they was born . Don't know where I stand .
polliv44 31 May 2014
hello, I am looking for a non-profit organization whose goal is to encourage the maintenance of the relationship between children and their both parents after parental separation even if there is a Parental conflict. can you send me a link to a website or a facebook pages on this topic? I would like to find a non profit organization leaded by men and women with an objective focused on the child's best interest. best regards thanks Philippe
TomWales 31 May 2014
I am self employed. At the moment my wife is the main money earner. She wants to separate. Due to a debt problem - which has now been sorted - we've been told by the Building Society we wont be able to get a new mortgage each until next April (2015). This was fine to begin with as she said we'd have to live together until then - and by April the children would be older. She has now changed her mind and insisted we sell the family home and rent a house each until next April. I do not want this as rent on average in the children's school catchment area would cost £200 a month more than an average mortgage.On top of this moving house twice in a year would be so stressful for us and the children.She says I have no choice in the matter as she is paying the mortgage at the moment. She also says that since I'm not earning as much as her that really I have no rights. Do I have a choice and do I have rights?
speng 21 May 2014
I have seperated with my partner but we still live in the same house and pay a morgage. We have a 3 year old child. What rights do i have in regards to staying in the home until we sell it or am i obliged to leave?
Thomo 20 May 2014
I work for a company the uses banked shifts, these are an overpayment of 13 day which the company use to call people in for training or sickness etc. Failure to do 3 days can invoke a disciplinary procedure, where do I stand if doing these banked days conflicts with time with my children. I work shifts so my access days change from week to week
Kinini 18 May 2014
my now 21yr.old grandson has a 4yr old son. he lived with his gf and her parents all the time she was pregnant and up until oct.of 2013. He is birth farther and took on the responsibility from day one at birth. Took care of him got up nights with him and all the parent things. They split up and he got with a new gf and moved to his grandfathers out of state to get new job.. he missed his son so much he quit his new job and moved back home and started to see baby mommy. She let him see son a few times and at the time she had a bf living with her and parents. now the bf answers her phone calls and wont let baby daddy talk to him and told all my fam not to call there or no contact. He is paid up on child support and is working everyday and still can't see his son... a lot to do with the bf of baby mother.. what can he do to see him again or get shared custody.. the family ?
Mooky 14 Apr 2014
My friend separated from his wife over six years ago and they were divorced a couple of years ago. He has two children - one of whom he sees secretly without the mothers knowledge but he hasn't had contact with his daughter for over two years despite going to court and sending her messages twice a week. He had to stop court proceedings after learning it was upsetting the children but it is evident that his ex-wife has turned his daughter against him for reasons unknown as there was no third party involved in the end of the marriage and it came quite unexpected to him. It is heart-breaking to see him not have anywhere else to turn to try and reinstate his relationship with his daughter. If anyone has had a similar experience and can offer any advice...it would be greatly appreciated? Thank you
brico 24 Jan 2014
also need help i haven't seen my son for a year now but always send money for food and now my ex-girlfriend want me to be out of my son life and she get angry at the child when he can ask about me, what way to take to be able to see my son cause he knows i love him and i can anything for him, he is turning 5 on the 25th of March 2014. I really need help on this cause i don't want to lose connection with my son
Craig 11 Jan 2014
My wife and me have split up and she has 'moved back home' Some 200 miles away. We have nothing official in the way of a divorce yet but I'm doing all the travelling collecting and dropping our son back off every 2 weeks. Is it all down to me or should it be split 50-50?
Vee 4 Jan 2014
It seems to me that refusal to allow a father to have sensible contact with his children is emotional and psychological abuse, making the mother guilty of domestic abuse. I believe that this has been in the headlines recently and that the family courts are being instructed to view it as such. However, this won't be the case where there are allegations of domestic abuse vs the father. So while it seems father's might now have more rights to see their children the likely outcome is that more of us will face false allegations. Women will get legal aid if making these claims so men are even worse off now.
Lightning 4 Jan 2014
My ex wife works for the DCP. She will let me see our son. But she will not leave him in care. She is dictating everything. But she has made some unreasonable requests with vistation. She won't lets me and son bond.I have asked for full day visits and an over night visit to be introducted. She says that it not in our sons best interest to be with me at this stage of his development. I need something solid to controdict that statement.we only conact each other via text. She is now changing arrangements. But in her wording, she now demanding changes, but in making the changes sound like the situation is worse than what is truly is.In her requests it gives the appearance something bad has happened. But in reality nothing has changed. We are civil but distant. And if I don't meet her requests she denies me access. All I want is to do is be able to form a strong stable relationship with my and be able to bond with him without her putting up road blockes at every turn. I tried to get her to mediation. she failed to show. I said I would take her court to resolve our issues as she was being unreasonable. She changed the way she worded her message started to implicate false impressions of what was happening between us. I cant afford a lawyer and I need help. I was even complentating going to the media for help. is this advisable.
Vibeke 8 Nov 2013
I have serious problems understanding the law. I have shared parental responsibility with my sons dad. We have recently gone through family court for 2 1/2 years where he tried to get access to my/our 4 year old boy. After 2 1/2 years he was refused any direct contact and can only send letters monthly. It is also in the court order that he is not allowed to apply to court for contact for at least 2 years. In the court order he was allowed to send cards once a month......in the last 7 months since the order There has been only one card...!! He still has got parental responsibility!!! How on earth can that be possible????!!!! We live on a secret address and he has not seen his son for more than 3 years.. The law needs to change!!!
Craig 4 Nov 2013
I want to know how to resolve issues regarding holidays and Christmas breaks as my son spent last Xmas eve and Xmas day with his Mother and family I naturally expected to be having him for the same duration this year also I have planned to take himabroadfor a family holiday to see his Nanny and Grandad in Spain in February 2014 which she is reluctant to let me do although she has taken him away for the last two years with her family.I am comtemplating talking to a solicitor and taking her to court to get these access rights sorted could anyone comment as to whether there is another option ? Thanks Will.
Adam Robinson 12 Oct 2013
I require help! I don't really know how to explain my situation, but simply my ex partner will not tell me anything about my daughters up bringing, i.e, her health, school, her general up bringing, i have tried endlessly to be amicable with her and i have asked time and time again, to be fair, even though i have parental responsiblity as i am on the birth certificate and she was born in 2010, i have had a few people advise me to contact social services to inform them of the situation, but i really don't know what to do.
Kirsty 1 Oct 2013
I need a bit of advice my sons father is using a lawyer to get his name on birth certificate I don't want this as I do not want him taking my son on holiday without consulting me which I think he would as the family have done this with the brothers daughter what can I do??
stokieblairs 19 Aug 2013
My ex partner has change my son's surname by deep poll, I'm on my son birth certificate and pay csa, it's hard for me to see my son because I was in aviolent relationship. So don't see my son as much as I want to. I don't want him see that a his age. But is it possible she can do this. And rub it in my face when I see him. Showing me the papers. Help??
Charley 22 Jul 2013
My 7 year old done has had contact every weekend with his father but this last couple of month he's come home and told me he doesn't want to go anymore he's constantly coming home with injuries and I have always sent my son but its beginning to concern me now I am looking for advice
tick 11 Jul 2013
Having seperated then divorced from the mother of my children almost 7years ago,i have had my children every weekend since.Now i have a new partner all of a sudden she has threatened to stop me from seeing them.My new partner gets on great with my kids.Is my ex allowed to stop me from seeing my children?Thanks
pi 27 Jun 2013
My then girlfriend of 15 years left me for someone else 5 years ago.she told the children and everyone around her I left her.she moved and has been keeping us apart as one of my children has been trying to contact me through fb and she kept deleting the account and sending me nasty texts etc.i've been told to stay away but there as far as I know isn't anything to say I can't see my children.my problem is this,my eldest contacted me from school and asked to see me.now I have the police on my door and aqusations of kidnap.this is how this woman has kept us apart,with lies.my eldest is 14,wants to see me and is distraught that she thinks she can't.am I doing anything wrong and what should I do if I am.its been 5 years since she disappeared with them.
Tam 24 Jun 2013
I separated from my partner (not married) after she ran us into debt to the tune of several thousand pounds which I am paying off. The last straw was when she used my card to pay off her bills despite me taking the card. She had logged the number. After separating (I pay full maintenance) we agreed access to our 2 children (2 & 4 yrs) - I get every other weekend & one evening per week at my house. Invariably I take them to my parents house as this allows me to spend real time with them whilst meals etc are prepared for us. This is especially important on the weekday access as I work until 5 pm. Recently my partner advised that she will refuse me access on the weekday evening if I take the children to my parent's house and has a friend that lives adjacent to me that will advise if I take them in the car. Can she create rules such as this as it appears illogical and very unfair?
Taffdad82 19 Jun 2013
My wife decided she wanted a divorce, asked me to leave and proceeded to take my children and move from Wales to England (all within 2 weeks). She took the children without my consent and abandoned most of their belongings in the process leaving me with a mess to clean up and pretty much homeless. Im unable to travel to see them as I dont earn enough to do so, she's refusing to visit me also. Not seeing my kids is tearing me upart... Any advice?
heartlessman43 17 Jun 2013
Hiya, my girlfriend left me, after 2 years with my 6 months baby son. it has killed me in more ways then one!!! she was 17 when we got together nd I was 41.but she told my daughter that she wanted to leave me over a year ago, but wanted to prove her family wrong!!! and she said that she wanted to leave before our baby was born!!!!! and now she has told me that I can only have our son for only two hours once a week!!! and in the three weeks they have been, I have only seen him for 3 and half hours!!!! is there any thing I can do??????
Confused dad 28 May 2013
My 8 year old son has told me he doesn't want to go back to his mums as her partner hit him and has several times. Heis adamant he isn't going back. What are my rights.
jack 26 Apr 2013
Divorce as a result of infidelity - wife left family home, living with new partner and trying for a babyCouple's children (13 & 15) live in family home with fatherCourt has made a decision father pays mother £200 maintenance, even though children have returned to live with him and have done so for past yearFinancial settlement - mother wants 50/50 split. what are father's rights and possible entitlement. his solicitor seems a little weak in managing this situation
shafted 25 Apr 2013
Me and my wife recently split up,and she ended the marriage,we have 2 boys 10 and 5.I have took on the majority debt and house with no equity.Which means I have to work 60 hours a week and I am struggling to get by, she is renting but has a good job we both get paid the same 27k,we decided I have the boys 3 nights her 4(which she deems not joint)and I pay after school clubs,her dinners, yet she still gets the allowances and we agreed to leave it there ,now divorce is going through.She is wanting maintenance or csa which I just havent got I am going into debt surviving as it is and if overtime stops im snookered.Were do I stand on this as I just cant afford it and I am already providing for my boys my end,just seems very unfair and leave me out of a home.
Ry 13 Apr 2013
Hi my ex has recently given birth to my daughter, we were not married and she has decided against putting me on the birth certificate and denying any access for her to my family. She will allow me to see her but I am unable to take her anywhere. I am seriously considering going down the legal route to get this resolved as she is completely unwilling to come to any form of agreement and as such I cannot have what I deem to be a regular relationship with my daughter. Do you have any advice on my standings in this situation and any possibilities of where to go to get this situation resolved? Thanks, Ry.
BrokenHeart 19 Mar 2013
My brother is a New Zealander who moved to England to be with his girlfriend at the time who was pregnant.She kicked him out of her parents house shortly after baby was born. He has always paid maintenance and extra when he can, frequently not eating or being able to pay his rent. All of his family here in NZ have been in tears as has he it is very stressful for our family. He has been allowed limited access through a third party usually her parents. Now baby is one and a half and she has blocked access. His last moments involved his daughter crying and reaching for her Daddy while mother. screamed at him he was a loser. He asked her please not to yell in front of baby.Her parents are very involved and all three of them have been abusive to my brother. He has had construction jobs and gets messed around and used by employers who let him go when they no longer want him working 16 to 18 hour days. Sometimes they don't pay him. he loves his daughter very much and has tried to take the high road from the start. He has no family there, he has always been a well respected man which high ethics and character. He always has had well paying work until moving there as well. Mediation starts in a few days. Does he have any options for legal help. I'm guessing not but any help would be greatly appreciated. A 31 year old guy does not get up and leave his friends and family and stable income and move to the other side of the world and stay there through all of this, unless he has the best of intentions for that baby. Please help.
Ginger joe 18 Mar 2013
Am seperated from girlfriend , have a three year old , mother ony let's me see her five hors a week what are my legal right as she won't let her meet my new partner , and can't take her out for the day , she says five hours a week is enough
cooper 17 Mar 2013
hi me and my partner have just split up have 2 children age 5 and 3 , i have parental responsibilty as im on both my childrens birth certificates , ive not seen or heard from them in a week now im just wondering how long before i can take actions 2 c them , i have never since they where born had 1 day away from them i was a carer for my ex and full time father to my children . she has accused me of beating her up , along with other things , im currently out on bail . but i cant c how this has anything to do with our children . is she kidnapping them ?
ian 3 Mar 2013
I dont want my ex pulling my 7 year old out of school in june for a holiday abroad. The head teacher as givern her permission on the grounds that my son is a head on his work. How can I stop this school in my eyes more inportant. many thanks
Steph 27 Feb 2013
My fiancée has been separated from his ex for 5 years. He has not seem his children now aged 20 and 17 since the separation.He pays child support, half of medical prescriptions and extra expenses evey month. He has made every attempt to text, phone, email and have a relationship with them and keeps getting rude, negative responses.He has just found out his 20 year old daughter (who is still in University) is just over 3 months pregnant. Is he still required to pay child support for her? Is she still seen as a "child" under the support guidelines? Please respond if someone knows the answer. Thank you.
Caza 25 Feb 2013
My husband has two children from a previous marriage who are 8. They have been part of my life for the last 5years, there birth mother has now stopped my husband seeing them even though he has a court order which he got 6 months after splitting from her. Her grounds are that he gave them a mobile phone without her knowledge which is not true. But my question is do I have any rights to see the children or can they themselves choose to see there dad and me.
jimmy 24 Feb 2013
Hi everyone, my 6 year old daughter has been living with me for the past 16 months, she goes to the local school and has a good network around her. My daughter has always wanted to live with me and her mother agreed to this in sept 2011. I was taken to court in dec 2011 as her mother wanted Christmas access even though my little one didnt want to visit her mother. Contact was agreed along with arranging future visits. It was agreed that mum could visit when she liked and could have her as long as she wanted during holidays, I agreed that mum will not pay me child support and instead use the money for train fares between london and Manchester. I had an interim residence order in my fovour until it ran out in April 12 due to our informal agreement. Now my daughter went to stay with her mother for the holidays and is now refusing to bring her back and saying that she is her mother and it costs her too much money to see her!!! Can she do this???? Even though my little one has a home with me and has school tomorrow? Would things go against me for being male??
skippy 22 Feb 2013
Good mornin.i got a letter from social welfare yesterday statin dat I am not bn granted one parent family allowance on d grounds dat me an as dey put it partner are joint parenting our children.i want to make it clear dat he is not my partner he is my EX. I did live with him for a period of time last year but things started to go pear shaped very quickly.lookily I had started a job when I first mooved in so I had scrimped an saved in case of a rainy day. Well my rainy day dud come an was abl to have d deposit for a house. My ex has since rented out his house as he cudnt afford d morgage but is living with his parents who are our childrens grandparents.he does not pay maintenance as he is on d dole but does bring our children to school an collect them wen I am workig. I no he is their father an not a childcare facility but it would cost me d bones of 70 euro per day to get kids minded an wud still av to organise geting them to an from school to d sitters house. I av inquired with other childminders their price which wer workin out dearer. Wmy work situation has chanced recently, I am not workin as many hours per week as I was, thiz is due to d decrease in resident numbers in d nursing home wher I work as a care assistant.used to work 36 hours per week over 3 days now I work between 18 an 24 hours over normally 2 days.because it can b an early start my ex will bring kids to school an sometimes collect them. It wasnt always great between us but this arrangement works.i am on my own livinving with children in rented accomodation with no other income other dan my care assistant job.i while things av bn tight financially am now wondering how I can afford my rent in two weeks time.i hav always kept on top of my bill but things are goin to b unliveabe now.i want to work an lovey job but to b honest I would b better off now working.i am not asking for anything that I am not intitled to and am bn honest with sociL welfare.i am the working poor an it madens me more because my own country wont help me when I need it most an I see an hear people from other country geting every benifit under the sun an even have theire family coming over to irelaand once a month to collecting money.i was hoping to go away with my kids for a weekend had I got the money which I truely belueve I am intitled to.thankfully I didnt tell them an got their hopes up for nothing.how can this b fair
mikeyb 17 Feb 2013
What rights do I have as a father? I am married to my kids mum and she has two other girls who are 12 & 14 who have mental health issues and contanly bully and hit my younger two who are 4 & 8, my wife and I split because I stick up for my kids as any dad would, now my wife is saying she is going to move far away and not tell me where she is going please help!
Gutteddad 20 Jan 2013
My son is just over a year old and I have had regular contact with him since he was born his mother and I have never been in a serious relationship, however she has always wanted more. I have always paid for my son on a weekly basis. I have recently found out that my name is not on the birth certificate because I work away and was away when he was registered. My sons mother has now decided that I can't see him and has applied to CSa to get money. I'm happy to pay of course I don't want my child going without. Where do I stand on access if my name isn't on the birth certificate?
albw1983 14 Jan 2013
Me and my ex girlfriend are having a current problem with our daughters biological father. She fell pregnant shortly after we got back together 4 years ago and I was told I was the father, went through the pregnancy and I've raised her since, my daughter is now nearly 3. When she turned one my ex told me she was another mans after they'd both done a Dna test with out informing me. He lives a long way away and I adore my daughter so nothing changed, I raised her as my own and we're incredibly close. Although my ex and I have a since broken up we have a very good relationship and have been raising our daughter just fine between us. The biological father has recently got in touch demanding his name is put on the birth certificate and that he has joint custody of our child. Despite having only met her briefly twice, in which she was terrified of him. And hasn't seen her in a year. We want to carry on raising our daughter without him involved but we're not clear on our rights. Any advice or help would be hugely appreciated! Thank you so much.
Angél-Ann 8 Jan 2013
I'm looking for help & support .my daughter got took by social services cause my ex partner was taking drugs during pregnancy . I've seen her once a week for 1 hour for over a year now . I've been to courts & children's panel to get it uped but still only 1 hour . I'm getting so annoyed with the panel members are always on there side & don't want my daughter to be with her father . Thanks very much
furious79 18 Dec 2012
I was in, a obbessive, abusive 7 year relationship with an ex-partner, in which I managed to escape.The problem now, is I can't see my beautiful 8 year daughter unless there is some type of mutual loving feeling for her, which there definatly IS'NT. So I decied to take her to court and represent myself (BIG MISTAKE!!!!!). She never showed then on the second court apperance she turned up grining' I should have know, she conjour up AMAZING blockbusting stroies of domestic violence all lies! to which we're still awaiting fact finding evidence 1 year later on.Meanwhlie my daughter goes without her loving stable father and is lefted with an unstable so called mother. BUT THE LAW FAVORS MOTHERS & BELIEVES OTHERWISE BECAUSE I'AM A MAN AND SHE'S A WOMAN. :-(
Concerned Dad 5 Nov 2012
I need help and advice please.I've been separated from my children for four and a half years, and I have access once every two weeks. Four and a half years ago I caught my partner with another man since then she took our kids and moved into his house.A few weeks ago this man, who is now her partner, rang me up to inform me that he is looking after my kids as their mother, my ex, has gone into prison!I wish to take my kids back, but I don't know the correct way to do this?
Dave 2 Nov 2012
I split with my wife in decembe 2012,we have a 1 year old daughter but she refuses to let me see her,we both have solicitirs but she has not replied to the last 4 letters sent to her,i found out she took her out of the childminders and didnt notify me of this,my daughter was also in hospital and my wife informed me of this 6 days later via an e mail,she said she would only let me see my daughter in a contact centre supervised,(not sure why because I work in a care home so I have a clean police record)can she do this and get away with it.
karen271173 31 Oct 2012
My grandaughters so called dad,has just applied to the court for legal aid,to take a case for rights to see her.My grandaughter is 5years old,and he has never seen her since she was 6months old!!She stays with her mum(my daughter),.Her father is on her birth certificate. can someone please advise on what could happenmy daughter doesnt want him having any contact with my grandaughter,but how does the court judge this?
hello Editor 11 Oct 2012
@ Kermit - what you pay for the house is irrelevant in relation to paying child maintenance for your child(ren). Word of warning - should your relationship with your ex take a turn for the worse and she decides to go to the CSA they do not care what you have provided her with outwith child maintenance. so if you make a private agreement that you will pay off the mortgage and she will pay for your child(ren) it will not count to the CSA. They are only interested in the money you earn.So many guys have lost everything by trying to do the decent thing by their kids and gift the house to the mother. call the CSA for information, Citizens Advice Bureau are good too. With regards to your ex doing something to the house without your permission, I'm really not sure, it might be worth your while asking a solicitor.
Kermit 9 Oct 2012
I wonder if you can help please?I am currently seperated from my wife of 12 years, we have a son who is the same age and currently apart from them.At the moment I am currently paying the full amount of the mortgage of £460 per month plus Council Tax, utility and telephone bills.I wonder where I would stand if I decided not to pay the bills except for the full amount of the mortgage would this effect my credit rating. My wife works part time but could work full time and has the child benefits paid to her if needed and has a large bank balance to cover my bills. Also she wants some work done to my house without asking me, where do I stand on this issue (The mortgage is in joint names)Would I still have to pay maintenance for my son if I pay the whole of the mortgage and he stays with me for 3 days and 1 night during the whole week.I look forward to hearing from you.Yours faithfullyElliott Spencer
micky 25 Sep 2012
in february i was granted a residence order to care for my daughter as her mother was a violent drug abuser. 7 months down the line social services want me to allow the mother unsupervised contact, when she is pregnant and in another violent relationship. what can i do?
Kandy 23 Sep 2012
I split with my husband a year ago and have allowed him to have our 3yr old daughter every other weekend from a Saturday morning to a Sunday evening and every Tuesday night. He now wants to take me to court for more access. Do you think if we go to court that I could lose?
Money doesnt grow on 22 Sep 2012
My ex husband paid no maintenance for the first 18 months of separation then agreed to pay £50 per week for his 2 children.this lasted for 2 years, then he decided to reduce maintenance payments to £100 (when he was earning 35K per year).As a result of me being desperate I contacted the CSA for support, only he claimed to be self employed and manipulated paperwork to show he earned less than £5 per week, (despite holidaying in the USA without his children) I was told he should pay Nil. He then forwarded £1 for 2 consecutive months for his 2 children . Then he decided not to pay anything for 6 months. Thankfully the CSA found out he was working fulltime and recalculated the amount. The payments lasted 5 monyhd, then he claimed to have been made unemployed and I haven't had any financial support for the past 5 months. I have never denied access and arranged via my solicitor for him to have the children every other weekend and half of school holidays. He chooses not to take advantage of this and instead prefers his mum to look after the children instead of him.FATHERS WHO DO NOT SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN FINANCIALLY SHOULD BE NAMED AND SHAMED!!
Not knowing 21 Sep 2012
My sons wife gave my son all signs that she really did not want him around June and July and he went off and slept in another room, finding out that she wanted an old boyfriend back. who lives in the same town, my son could not stand the thought of him being in the same house as him and the children he moved out and is staying with a friend. I am actually wondering if he should have moved out and put the pressure on his wife, if she was the one waited for my son to move out and for boyfriend to virtually come and stay immediately, he does not live there but has been there to stay, at the moment my son looks after the 4 children aged from 9 years to 3 years every Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday lunch and Sunday night, he has had only a minimal number of nights when he has not looked after them and that has been since he moved out, while his wife is working or going out. What I am getting to is whether it should have been my son that moved out or his wife, my son does not have any other woman involved in his life and does not like the wife's boyfriend being with his children. He is very good with his children and loves them very much and they do in return, they love being with him
Rach312 30 Aug 2012
I split from my sons' dad when he was 13 months old and ever since its been a nightmare! I have always pushed for him to have some kind of involvement with his son to form the bond! Constantly text, sent emails to him asking for him to set a date and time to see his son, which works for a week then he disappears for months at a time! With out a text to see how he is doing, when I question him about this he just says he knew he would let him down from the start!!! So for the past 4 months I have not contacted him and out of the blue I get a text saying can he see him! To which I explained I made plans on the particular day he wanted so offered a alternative date and he persisted in sending obsene messages! What are my rights? My son turns 3 soon and he is the most important person in my life and I want and have to protect him from getting let down time and time again! Although I am not physically scared of him he has a temper and that is quiet intimadating!
Pablo 10 Aug 2012
Bit of a strange situation. I'm a married gay man separated from my wife in oct last year after having an affair with another married man. Things have developed and he has now split with his wife. He lives in one of their houses, she lives in the other with the kids. This morning she has drafted an email to him regarding what her rules are:1. Custody of children split equally over term time2. He has children every wed 5:30-9 and every Friday 3:30-10, and Saturday 8-6. 3. No partner must enter his property as this may have negative influence on the children. Can his ex do this in any way?
Frustrated mum 5 Aug 2012
It is soooo nice to hear that the dad's on this page actually want to see and be involved in their kids lives!!!! I have two kids one 12 yr old girl and a 6 yr old son . I split up with their father and I say father, not dad as he has never even contacted me for almost a year now to see or speak to the kids!!! I think it's a disgrace and I would never get in touch now!!! He's lost out on 2 beautiful kids' lives!!! He also has three from a previous marriage. Those kids won't gave any thing to do with him or even speak to him!!!! He was the one who ended our relationship, quoting that I spent too many weeks with my family!!! Hard to do when both at school!!!!! Anyway I hope you all find resolutions to each and every problem!! And just remember not every ex is like that!!! I never wanted this for my kids!!!
Sparky 30 Jul 2012
My daughters mother left our daughter in my care almost 5 years ago and has not seen or spoke to her since, what I need to know is do I need her permission to take my daughter on holiday to Spain even I have parental responsibility as my daughter was born after 2003.
Sparky 30 Jul 2012
Almost 5 years ago my daughters mother left my daughter in my care n since has never seen or spoke to her, now I am in a new relationship n also have a new baby, we want to take the kids on holiday to Spain but do I need my ex girlfriends permission even though she has not seen my daughter in 5 years???
Rich 12 Jul 2012
Hi, I have a 3 yrold daughter with an ex partner, shes recently married someone from america and he now lives with her and my daughter resides with them. I have parental responsibility in regards to when she was born and being on the certificate, ive been known to sometimes go out drinking for long periods, never whilst my daughter is in my care. would this effect any rights I have regarding access as the mother is moving to anougher town and I feel she is doing this to limit my access more so she can build her own little family unit.at the moment I have my daughter on a weds till thurs and then fri till sat but she says I can only have her if my parents are present whilst shes here. could anyone advise on where I would legallty stand. ps ive been done for drink driving twice , im just wondering how my drinking and offences would work against me ? ive since quit drinking as it causes me to many problems. thank you. Rich
mr limey 6 Jul 2012
Hello. My partner has our three children. She has taken them on holiday abroad during school term. Was she allowed to do this without my agreement? Not the going abroad bit, I know about that. I thought she had to agree with me on permanently leaving the country with them, medical decisions and their schooling? Would someone be so kind as to point me in the right direction? Regards, Scott
JohnD 5 Jul 2012
I do not have parental responsibilty but can I ask for a re diagnosis of my son who has just been diagnosed with Autism? I don;' believe that he has got it. Can I intervene?
Funkadelicstarshine 5 Jul 2012
My brother split from the mother of his child just over a couple of years ago. Never married they have a now 5 year old son. They started out OK making arrangements between themselves to share looking after their son and he was to give her money once a month. Then she got a new man and it all changed. Long story short, my brother met some financially difficulty for a few months and so she stopped him from seeing his son. His finances have been much better for at least 6 months, however she has moved house and he has no idea to where. She changed her number, deleted all contact. He hasn’t seen his son for nearly a year. Not sure if it matters but she now has a second child with her new man, who she is due to marry this month. He knows where her mother lives but that relationship is very poor. He’s reluctant to approach her family for fear of getting the door slammed in his face, because they dislike him so much. My brother has never harmed the mother or child, is not mentally ill, addicted to drugs, violent any of that. He cheated. Got caught. Broke her heart. I said to my brother that child support and access are two different things and that after this long he obviously needs a bit of help articulating that and sticking up for himself. That said I want to help him. What should be our next step if we want to get him seeing his son again? I’m worried that when she gets married to the new guy it may change things, or she may try to have him adopt my brother’s son. My brother’s name is on the birth certificate, and has been since his son’s birth.
HLB43 1 Jul 2012
Hi, I have recently split from the father of my 2 children, one of 2 years old and one of 6 months old, we have verbally agreed to contact, where on the week he has his other children he has ours on a wed pm and sat from 12-4 and the other week wed and frid pm then he has our eldest on a sunday to take him swimming, at the moment his living arrangements are not adequate for them to stay over as he is in shared accomadation where kitchen and bathroom are shared therefore we have agreed at the moment it is not adequate. But this weekend he has stated it won't be long before he has them all weekend but what are my rights as the mother to this if I don't want my children in this enviromemt for a whole weekend, cause I know my ex if I say no he will kick off and tell me to see a solicitor. Also what I would like to know he keeps throwing at me he can have them when he wants and for as long as he wants, is this true, I don't appose him seeing is children as I want my children to grow up knowing their father and building a bond with him but I know going forward as we have been very amicable at the moment he will start to demand more and if I start saying no with reasons for saying no he will kick off saying his parental rights says he can have what he wants. Any advise would be great.
nettie 30 Jun 2012
My ex has constant and regular access to our son. He sees him twice a week, every week for a couple of hours on an evening and every other weekend from Friday to Sunday. I don't have a problem with him taking our son away infact I encourage them to have this time together. Recently my working pattern has changed and it has become necessary for me to change one of the evenings that he sees his son, by change I mean swap for another evening not stop it all together. Unfortunatly he is completly inflexable when it comes to changing the evening that he sees his son and has now threatened to take me to court for parental rights. I thought he already had them through a verbal agreement apparently thats not good enough. What difference to his access will it make if he does this because I thought I was being very reasonable?
outofmymind 20 Jun 2012
I split up from my fiancee on the 1st of May, she was diagnosed with bi polar about 14 months ago and unfortunately I could no longer take the abuse. I moved out with the intention of letting her regain some sort of balance in her life with professional help. This appeared to be heading in the right direction, it was clear we still loved each other and at the very end of May we agreed that our feelings and her determination to seek professional help meant we could start slowly again with me providing support. 4 days later I go to pick up my daughter and a very wide eyed ex came to the door, there was her brothers and one of his mates there and her demeanour caused me to comment that she looked high. I have since found out that she is with the friend of her brothers and I am dead to her, this has only been compounded by information given to me about this man is that he is a big drinker, small time cocaine dealer and he is in trouble with some not very nice people. I am very concerned that she is using drugs to make her feel good about herself and that she is doing this with 4 children in the house. Last night I picked up my little girl and at the age of 2 she opened the front door after I knocked and walked out to see Daddy, I waited 4 minutes or so before I heard from the back garden that they hadnt seen her for a while, it was long enough for her to be out in the road or taken. I really don't know what to do as I have no proof of anything but it's sending me out of my mind!
shafted!!! 8 Jun 2012
Hi I feel well and truly shafted by my ex. We split before our daughter was born she will be 7 years soon, the break up I will take partial responsibility for as was drinking heavily. I still had contact through the pregnancy and got informed of things was told under no circumstance she was having my surname though. After the birth things were ok for a while but she would only let me see her at her parents house with everyone there I was already a proven dad to my son who was 3 at the time (different mum). Arguments then started again regarding the birth certificate as she didn't want me on it and due to this I was told I could do nothing to get to see my daughter and I had no money to go through a solicitor. So as it stands my daughter is out there some were her mum has got married and is talking about moving to Australia I have heard. Is there anything I can do about this??? I still don't have the money for a solicitor and a court case as my new partner is due anytime now. I think I've been happy to sit and wait as she would always be some were in the country and possibly one day know the truth and find me, a person she would find to be nothing like the stories she is likely to hear from her mum and family.What if anything can I do? I've already lost her but losing her then her being in Australia I may never get the chance to know my daughter. If anybody can help please please do
rhodz 27 May 2012
Would really appreciate some advice - my ex partner and I split before the birth of our child. Since then she has consistently refused to put my name on the birth certificate. I have asked on numerour occasions in person/text/ and letter to no avail. She says she will only put my name on the birth certificate after we stop arguing (this is the main reason why were arguing as she wont put my name on the certificate!). She also gives me minimal contact with my daughter which is approx 35 min every 2 weeks, which are always on her terms (forever changing times, non commital as to when I can next have contact). In a nutshell I feel shes using my daughter as a tool to hurt me. My daughter is growing soo quickly im missing out. Im currently sourcing a solicitor and looking to go down the legal route to gain some meaningful access. I dont want to go down this route as it will only sour our relationship even further, but I feel my hand is forced. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Kingy 20 May 2012
Hi I split with my ex when my daughter was 2 I use to see her 3 times a week which I had to fight for. 6 months ago she moved to birmingham from liverpool and married someone else I had no say in the matter and my daughter is now 7 I battled in court with my ex and managed to secure a weekend were I collect my little girl and bring her back up to stay the weekend 1 in 3 and she brings my daughter up after the weekend I collect my daughter. It is really hard as I work long hours and do shift patterns were some weekends I have to work, I also have a 10 week old son with my new fiancee. This has made things harder to juggle my time between everything going to birmingham to collect my daughter and trying to balance the time with my son and partner. I also pay maintance every week but the cost of train tickets is staggering, im also on the birth certificate. Just thought id post this to see if anyone else is in a similar situation, im 27.
Shakour 17 May 2012
My wife just gave birth to our Daughter and we live in different countries and she dont want me to live with her and she dont even want to use my surname on my daughter what can i do ??what right have i got?
Felipe 17 May 2012
I'm a father of 2 beautiful little girls, i am not from this country and i'm only here for the sole purpose of staying closer to my kids. I separated from their mum 2 years after the birth of my first girl, i have parental responsibility for my 2 girls, i pay maintenance and see them every saturday from 8h30 till 17h00 ... this is exactly 4 times a month and 48 days a year!!! I'm struggling to convince the mother to let them stay more days or sleep over, despite that i have a spare bedroom for the girls all decorated together with the girls (princess theme) and the whole setup for this to happen. I'm also not allowed the same rights as the mum to take the kids abroad in holidays or even for 1 night camping in the garden. Some of my saturdays are also taken away sometimes when she has a weekend away with them and simply not replaced or changed for another day. The law basically is in my view very bias for the mothers and if there is no amicable agreement the only option left is to go through a very long court process, which can be very expensive and to top it up if you earn just above a certain cap (i think is about £1000 a month) you are also not entitle to any help from "legal aid" .... i would be probably better off in being unemployed as a matter of fact (something that i never want to do). I really don't know what to do and where to go for help, can anyone clarify or enlighten me please???? Appreciate any comments. Thank you!
mommy of a sad child 15 May 2012
Earlier this year my sons dad was arrested for a DUI with our son in the car. I got full custody of our son and he was given supervised visitations and a restraining order against him from myself. He is a very abusive person. Since I was awarded full custody and R/O and he was awarded the visitations he has now stopped all contact with our son. There are stipulations to the R/O meaning he can have phone calls and the 4hr 2x weekly visits supervised. But has not taken any steps to see our son. My question is, being he has stopped calling our son and has not seen our son, what are the chances that the judge will just allow regular visits to resume if and when he completes any of his ordered classes. Drug/alcohol and parenting and anger management? Our son tries to talk to hom, asks to see him but "dad" ignores him. This is now become very emotionally hurtful to our son. Before when he had 50/50 he always made sure he called every night, demanded his visits, demanded I told him about Dr. visits etc. Other than thinking it was just another control thing for him to have on me, is this a way of proving himself in court about his fathers rights?
mike 15 May 2012
I myself have gone from , full care of my daughter as her mother left her in my care. I stopped contact once as mother leaving her at an address where child pornography had been report to police by the mum herself. I had court order for cafcass to file and serve to court , they over turned it. My daugher was then getting beatings from mother and going to school showing teaches and asking to live with me. in the mean time I had twins with another woman , three weeks from my daughter coming back to live wit us my current partner at that time staged an event and fabricated false allergation of assault to stop my daughter coming back to live with us. devastated I was knowing what choices I had to make I loved them all but my daughter would never be aloud back in my house omg. the only choice I had was to fight for all my children. In the mean time my daughter had one to many beating and told cafcass she did not want to see me after two years telling teachers. the mother of twins one of each and my son will be lucky to make 18 because anti psycotics mother takes.will not allow me any contact and assaulted me in contact center. I have had two years of I have to admit to assault to go to court and find out that I gone back to begging supervised contact one to one with twins costing me £40 an hr. cut out of daughters life lost my job because of allergation as I worked with kids , I now suffer ptsd from the mental abuse of cafcass and socail servises yet the mother makes my kids ill and puts them in hospital when they are to visit me , I am not aloud to the hospital. she puts them in hospital when court appearances and on job seekers allowance and cannot afford to pay suppervised contact going out of my mind and lost everything women abuse kids and get away with it dad protects gets cut out. I am ex army and thats what they used against me I am violent when I have never hit a woman in my life or a child. I see all those men coming home legs and arms missing and in boxes, fighting for womens rights and now ask myself why are those peple putting up such a fight to protect what they got if this is what we want them to have. lets show the world we live in an equal society yet sadly we dont. it will always come down on mothers side. if she says no cantact or assaults you or makes allergations then thats it say good bye to your kids. if you say one word about mum say good bye to your kids. thats what happened to me.
tigger 10 May 2012
My ex and i have split since before my child was born i had my daughter 4nights out of the week around my shift pattern which was normaly thurs to a monday up untill she was 2 and when my shift pattern in work changed i've now had to have my daughter two days and three nights i now have her all different days mostly they don't fall on weekend no longer as i work 12hour shifts on weekends but my ex is now angry about this as she now as to spend more time with our daughter and she loves going out every weekend and it's took it's toll on her family looking after our daughter when she wants to go out, she denying access to my daughter unless i have her on weekend only fri-sun i told her i work most weekends but she's not happy about this and states she needs her time to herself and if i don't see my daughter on a weekend i won't be able to have her at all! she's on about going to a solictor to force me to have my daughter on weekends only but can she do this? i offer other days when i'm off but she not interested unless it's aweekend she dosn;t work herself lives off benfits in a councail house and csa even tho she has a new partner she still won't let me have my daughter unless it a friday saturday or sunday so she can go out herself, can she do this??????
tay 4 May 2012
Hi , my ex wife and myself have split up and she wishes to be divorced , I put my hands up and admit that our marrige broke down due to some poor desicions and lies on my part , I never cheated but my actions did leave my wife feeling hurt and let down , the sad part of this is that she is carrying my first child which I have longed for all my adult life , we made steps to reconcile our differneces which were going well untill an incident at the school where her 7 year old daughter attends , my ex partner's child slammed my wifes daughtrer into the floor and laughed, this brought up the question of why did it happen , my wife approched my ex and my ex who is obviously bitter at our split told her a list of my ex's who my wife decided she would contact , these people told her all sorts of stories most of which are utter lies , now after these conversations my wife has started divorce proceedings and has told me good luck seeing my baby , I can fight to see her through the courts, and although my life is in a good place now and I am a member of the teratorial army , I have had a history of finacial problems and soft drug use , I have been drug free for 2 and a half years and I am regularly tested by the army , but my wife says she will use my past as amunition to stop me seeing my child or to make it as little as posible in an access centre supervised, this is destroying me and I really dont know what I can do to stop it happening , I love my wife , her daughter and my baby , please any advice big or small would be much appreciated
faftus 2 May 2012
Can someone please help me I am divorced and was seeing my son on a regular basis, when I said that my hours were changing at work my ex ( she was having an affair) stopped our son from spending time with me, he used to stay every weekend, I eventually met up with someone 1 yr after splitting from my wife I didnt contest the divorce, as I didnt want to "air" my dirty laundry, as they say, I eventually decided to move away and spoke to my son about the decision that was made it was the hardest decision I had ever made, I now see my son only when his mother says I can I pay maintenance, but all she does it phone me giving me grief as to what I have been saying to our son. I have never nor will I say anything derogatory about her to him, now she has stopped all contact, and her new partner is telling me to "pull my finger" out and be a dad, how can I when I have to travel to see my son and can only walk around the city where he lives, I am lucky to see him for 3 or 4 hours when she deems it,i want my son to get to know my new partner but his mother is totally against this but it is ok for her to be living with the bloke she had the affair with, and has had a baby,she keeps phoning to give me grief and saying that I am an unfit father, and she wants me to keep paying but have no contact with my son, what rights if any do I have???
in a pickle 17 Apr 2012
My partner is 17 weeks pregnant and things are getting beyond a joke at the moment it really feels like we are slipping away. things have took some bad turns lately she is getting more and more psychical in arguements. there are signs of worrying bouts of depression for her and I worry about her ability to cope with having a baby at this point in time.i never would dream of applying for full custody if I do feel the need to leave at any point soon. and as I am currently unemployed I worry that not having a permanent residence will decrease my chances of maintaining a stable relationship with the baby upon birth. I just wanted some advice on how to take necessary steps before the child is born to ensure I will have rights as a father to this child ??? help as im going mad !!!! also as my partner is not in a good frame of mind what if she doesnt include me on the birth certificate so many worries.
Fingers crossed 27 Mar 2012
Hi please help.I have a young two year old daughter. My ex refuses me any access more than two nights. Is this the norm, should I be allowed more?
malciboy 15 Mar 2012
Does my son have any say in the education of his 8 year daughter as he lives aprt from his ex girlfriend and she teaching her from home and I honestly believe she is not capable of doing thisMany thanks
sawdustforbrains 14 Mar 2012
Can I just say I wish my daughter had a dad like the ones fighting to see theirs here. my daughter is 11 months and her daddy left us (for the third time) 3 days after christmas. I have emailed and text him about seeing her and he just ignores me. It's terrible to say but im glad she is too young to understand. when im up during the night with her and ijm shattered I actually hate his guts, cos I know he is tucked up asleep whilst im tired.it might seem to soon to many but I have met someone else last week, and if things work out and we move in together in the future, im considering just going and not telling him cos he doesnt give a damn anyway.he pays nothing for her and never really bothered with his two sons from a previous relationship, it was always me that text his ex to get them over. he is a joke and I would like to say to all the daddies who do care, that all us exes are not the same, some people do actually put the child first but sometimes its the dads who dont want to know. good luck to you all
Big g 28 Feb 2012
I am divorced, have two children and have already gone through the courts where I was granted visiting rights, my ex is now refusing me any contact with my children, including all phone calls, what can I do to get the visits and contact reinstated?
sunshine 24 Feb 2012
I have a 3 yr old daughter my ex partner has 2 previous kids which I think ar very spoilt and my child has never been good enough with his family,which caused issues.now split I really dont want my daughter having to b part of their lives and want my ex to see my daughter just being with her,do I have rights?
Gordon 21 Feb 2012
Well to all those Fathers out ther who come across this site and still have faith in the UK legal system. think again. I seperated in 2005. Since then I have spent over £150k on solicitors etc and for the last 4 years have represented myself but to no avail. Next month my precious daughter is 16. I last saw her when she was 9! I am allowed no contact with her and can have written contact 4 x a year. Does she get my letters, I have no way of knowing! Am I a bad father, abusive or dangerous you are asking for such a draconius measure? No. I am a middle class, middle aged co director who had a loving relationship with a child and escaped a very controlling and bitter exife after 17 years of marriage. So how come you are asking did it end this way? Well to start. our solicitors fuelled things to increase fees. Where we started talking ourselves this soon stopped. TIP No 1 go to mediation to agree divorce not a solicitor.Once you stop talking it rapidly deteriorates and your children are used as weapons. visits are stopped or interferred with The court process drags on and on and all the child wants is peace and for the pain to go away. You are the person at fault in the childs eyes as you are breaking up the family causing the loss of security, you are the one not there to comfort , protect and keep safe and very soon with a little help you go from being daddy I love you to Voldemort I hate you. Add to this the fact that it does not seem to matter what the mother does she will never be punished or taken to task. I was arrested and released on 5 occasions -interviewed as to my wherabouts and then let go. Why? Because the mother had called the police saying I was at the house and she feared for her life? What did my child get told? Daddy has been arrested by the Police again! True but for what and why not ever told to the child. On one occasion I was called in Moscow and asked to come to the local station in Kent! When I said where I was and how long I had been there they were apologetic! So why can I not see my child now. It is all about the Childrens welfare checklist! If the courts believe that the child might suffer harm as a result of contact, phyical or mental then they wont allow contact. Quite right! Sadly we assume that harm is us and we know we are no harm and in my case even had the judge agree there was no reason I should not see my child.however. If the behaviour of the resident parent is such that she might do everything in her power to stop contact and cause a scene on contact this puts the child in harms way. As my judge said "Due to the implacable hostility of the resident parent I cannot allow contact even though I believe it to be in the best interest of the child" So if as a mother you make any contact living hell you stop contact easy! Any comeback on the Mother- none. What judge is going to give a penal order to a mum with a young child for contempt of court?? So guys be
Mel 19 Feb 2012
Mel continued - I see this amount of contact over night unnecessary and too much of a desruption to our daughters life. I would also like to point out that he has another 8yr old daughter from a previous relationship who my daughter I close with and she comes to our house for sleepovers. Their father didn't see this daughter on two occasions for a whole year on each! Between when she was 18months and 2 and half and 6&7 he infect only began to see her again when he started the court order against me. This daughter also never sleeps over his house despite only living round the corner from him nor is he demanding her mother to allow her to as he is to me. I am certain that the whole situation is to still try to control my life and have a part of it and to gain a reaction from me. My solicitor and barrister don't seem to be able to tell me whether or not he will be granted Friday - Sunday contact on alternate weekends. Can anyone tell me the likely hood of him being granted this right. I feel as though this will be too much of a disruption to my daughters life aside from the fact that her father is a violent bully! my lack of evidence to support my claims of how he treated me means I cant prove anything. Of corse it was behind closed doors, as it always is! Can anyone relate or help me PLEASE (I'm in th uk btw) many thanks mel
Mel 19 Feb 2012
Hello please can anyone help. My daughter is 4 years old, I delegated from her father when she was newborn for her own benefit as my relationship with him was volatile. He wa both physically and physiologically abusive towards me. He also has a lengthy criminal record mainly to do with violence. Asults, ABH etc. Also includes class C drug related offences and and various burglaries. In the years that I have known him he has used and dealt class A drugs. Mainly cocaine. Ever since our daughter was born both before and after separation I have supervised every contact for obvious reasons with the longest time he was ever left alone with her being about 20 minutes while I popped to the shop. Contact was usually on a Saturday or Sunday (in public places) every week despite the harrasment he constantly gave me interfering with my life, threatening anyone who came neat me and preventing me from starting new relationships. (I'd like to state at this point that his name is on our daughters birth certificate) So this is how contact continued until a day came where he punched me in the chest in our daughters pressense and putting us all in danger when he open the door of our moving vehicle. From this day I stopped contact all together. So from then her fathe has taken me to court. Contact began in a contact centre an progressed nicely to short periods away from the contact centre. Now we are at the stage where he has our daughter for 5 hours every other weekend outside of the contact centre. So far our daughter seems to enjoy the contact but I am well aware that her father has no parenting skills what so ever, he is no more than a play mate. I quit my full time job in order to seek legal aid. My daughters father pays no maintenance except for £5 a week that the CSA take from his benefit and pay to me. Benefit money is not all he earns as I'm aware of the cash in hand jobs he is involved in. He has a lot of money which I believe to be from drug dealing. However this is not about money as I wouldn't particularly want his drug money but am just trying to paint the picture. In the eyes o the court I havnt enough evidence to back up my claims of the domestic violence I endured because (of corse) it was behind closed doors. And because he hasn't been charged with a common assult since 2010 he is apparently a reformed character! Despite this contact seems to be ok at the moment however we are due back in court in 3 weeks to review the situation. I am aware that they are going to ask for over night contact starting at once a month. I am not happy about this but am prepared to give it a try as im totally aware that the court is going to make this decision for me. However I do not ever wish for the over night contact to become more than a once a month basis. Her father taunts me through text message telling me how he will soon have our daughter from Friday to Sunday every other week and there's nothing I can do about it. I see this amount of over night contact u
Jen 15 Feb 2012
My son and his partner separated 2 yrs ago - she left him for his best friend. He sees his daughter 3 times a week after work until bedtime. She also stays over Fridays and sometimes Saturdays and he has her Sundays. His partner left leaving a lot of debt which my son is trying to clear via a debt agency. His partner has not paid anything towards mortgage, insurance etc since and has now moved in with her partner. As my son is left only with around 50 pounds per wk after paying his outgoings - several times we have paid his mortgage for him to try and keep his property - he goes out rarely, cannot afford most of the day to day upkeep/living expenses but his worried that because he does not provide his partner with any payments for his daughter other than buying her clothes, shoes occasionally and helping with school trips etc - that his partner can stop him seeing his daughter. His daughter now 7 has expressed a wish to live with dad on occasions. It is so painful watching my son sinking like this even after 2 yrs. someone has told him that he ought to be claiming benefits but I think he should leave things as they are and not rock the boat. Any advice
Joe 15 Feb 2012
I haver two daughters 11 & 12. They live with their mother, to whom I have never been married. I am on the youngest daughter's birth certificate, but she was born before dec 2003, so that give me no parental responsibility. The girls have stayed with me every holiday plus half-terms. I contribute weekly, plus extras over holidays and especially Christmas. Last autumn their mother took them out of school, with the intention of home tutoring them. ( she never finished her own education) Educational welfare are visiting. Can their mother ask me to look after them, during future holidays, when I actually have no legal parental responsibility? Of course I want them to stay. But I am not allowed to say anything about their education, their non attendance at school etc.Your comments would be very welcom
psteven 10 Feb 2012
I have a little girl to my ex who is 30 months old I havent seen her for fast approaching 5 months as my ex will not let me. I have contacted a local solicitor because it has all got out of hand now to try and gain access to her. I was wondering if you could give me a few pointers in the right direction if possible. Currently im out of work (hoping to be back in work by the end of the month) I have always paid £250 per month for my daughter as its what we agreed, however i have paid nothing for 2months as i am on Jobseekers allowance, i have offered the money but CSA adviser said it would only be £5 per month which is neither here nor there and I would have struggled but paid a lot more for her. Im living back at home with my Mam (even she wasn't allowed to see my daughter for approx 1 month!!) as soon as im working again at the end of the month i will resume my large payment even though i realise my ex will be spending this and not much of it is actually needed by my daughter. I was told by an adviser from the CSA that i should only be paying for my little girl if i have contact with her, is this true?? I would love to put the money into an account for her whilst our ongoing dusputes are sorted. I am named on the birth certficate and my daughter carries my surname, my ex txts me now saying I can see my little girl if i agree to change her surname!!! Surely this can be classed as bribery!!?? I could go on all day with this story but dont want to bore you all with my troubles, just any pointers in the right direction would be helpful, as its killing me now not having contact with my little angel. Cheers Steven
Celticrose 6 Feb 2012
It's very heartwarming and refreshing to see dads who actually want to see their children help support them and take an interest in them and I hope that you all have success in your fight to do so. The father of my toddler couldn't care less about her and doesn't even reply to emails with photos of her much less try to see her. I feel so sad for her that I'll have to tell her one day that her dad didn't make any effort to know her or see her. I feel for those who are the complete opposite of my ex, the law seems to favour the mothers and that isn't fair.
Jay 6 Feb 2012
I have 2 children living in England with their mother, they carry my surname even though we were not married, obviously we separated, I live and work in Austria and I'm French. The issue is that the mother doesn't want me to bring the children in Austria during their holidays. I would like to know what is my right as a father please?
frank 30 Jan 2012
Every father should look up the net for "parent alienation syndrome". I think 50% or more of divorced UK women with kids suffer from it. They use excuse that kids are consulted and no longer wish to see father of their own free will. In reality these women are mentally ill and deceitfully cunning. The UK laws and social work dept are ineffective in allowing this situation to go on without recourse to the mother. End result is destroyed love between kids and decent fathers who like me may never see my sons again.
dlm 29 Dec 2011
I sympathise with all of the items listed on Fathers wanting and needing contact with their children and the mother - seemingly using them as pawns in a very messy battle, I myself am a child who has grown up not knowing my biological father and I know it has had a profound affect on myself, Good on all the fathers who fight for their children - my current partner has 2 children with his ex and they have been moved way - he pays through the nose for them - leaving himself to cut back on basics not luxuries and never sees them & only hears from them when the mother wishes to effectively "play mind games" - this legal system of mothers having total control needs a massive over haul - its unfair on the children - I just wish both parents can see what they do to their own - Please if you love your children - allow them access with both parents for their own well being - unless there is a legal issue preventing contact - but surely a contact centre is still a useful place or a solicitors office etc - to maintain the contact. We did have contact with the children for small sporadic times - but them every single accusation came forward as to what we had supposed to have said or done which were all false. Come on Legal system update yourself to the twenty first century and the current climate. Children deserve better - lets give them the best life possible.
ROCKY 11 Dec 2011
Hi. I am just wanting some advise regarding my 13 yr old daughter. My ex partner is planning on taking our daughter over 140 miles away, still in the u.k. but I am concerned about seeing my daughter. myself and my ex do not drive so it will mean my daughter catching a train every fortnight to ensure that I still see her as an arrangement. I feel that my ex will not be able to afford to send my daughter back and neither can I as I only work 16 hrs and a family of my own to support. My ex plans to leave in less than 2 months and I have only just found out. is there any thing I can do to ensure I still see my daughter. Thank you
olly503 5 Dec 2011
Im currently trying to get pr , how do I get the arragreement do I have to arrange meeting for me and my ex partner.
baby girl 2 Dec 2011
If a mother has residency and father has contact order has he got the legal rite to keep her or have her placed with him by social services even though he has a history of violence and uncle is a convicted paedophile?
loreli 21 Nov 2011
My partner has PR for his child, but has very rarely seen him for the last 15 years. Had absolutley no contact with the mother - her desicion. Shes made it incredibly awkward over the years, the child hasnt even been able to talk to him in the street if hes with mum.Anyway to cut a long story short, we heard from her last week that she was being prosecuted for him not going to school. She says she will try get him prosecuted aswell as he has PR etc. Everyday since then she has been in touch with mundane updates - (just to prove that she has been in touch, I'm sure a judge would realise what shes trying to do)But we really dont know what to do, give up parental rights or just wait and see what will happen?
Fido 14 Nov 2011
Been through a lot over the past 5 years regarding my daughter. I married a foreign national, which turned out to be for a visa. I was one of those dupped. I seperated (my choice) from My EX when my daughter was only 6 months old. Been travelling from Glasgow to south Wales every fortnight to exercise contact, which I have never missed. Had half all holidays and fortnighlty contact, which was eventually granted in court order 2009. I have Been acused of allsorts, with sickening accusations, social reports, police etc. No one was interested in my side. After representing myself in court I had too get a solicitor for a final residencey hearing, costing way too much money, I had to give up my job to get legal aid. I didn't have the money to pay otherwise. what could I do? she had another relationship and had another baby, they have seperated now and the other farther is going throu the same as I did. I helped him in many ways as I didn't agree with the accusations, abuse etc that was put on me. we are now friends as my daughter has regular contact with his son ( her wee Brother - Half sibling). I moved to south wales to be closer to my daughter 2 years ago. finally I was threatened by her again,that she was moving so I would have to move again to excersise contact. Numerous signs wer indicatng to me that something wasnt right, my daughter who is will be 6 in April, was always upset and uncontrollible when going back to mother. Anyway I kept fighting and with social services involved, my daughter was placed on the child protection order along with her wee brother for reasons of neglect, To my disgust. I fought back to court again and again, to prevent her to move, which I eventually did, and fought again for a residence order in my favour. On 2nd of September 2011 I was granted shared residency, however, My daughter lives with me full time now,and sees her mother at weekends, when she can be bothered. I am the primary carer now, and the other father has his son in his custoy too. I have experience in representing myself in court and some knowledge of the children act and types of orders. If a can be of any help, please let me know and never give up, keep fighting.Fido
Richard 9 Nov 2011
Hi - Very early days question - but I would value advice to be ready!Myself & wife in middle /late 50's and been married 31years - 2 kids 27&20.For past 10 years I have been working abroad - back in UK 4wks a year and joining for holidays abroad - she a teacher in UK. V. Good combined salary. I have passed all my overseas earnings through her account for investment. (House owned outright on shared ownership so no issue).Concern is that our substantial investments are in a mixture of Joint Accounts / her name ISA's etc. I have little knowledge, paperwork at home & do not have access priviledges - left that to her.Despite amicability, she says she is considering 'ending' our marriage (sepeartion or divorce?) - I away working - she says she is 'considering'. Question - while she is considering this future - could she clear / change accounts making them impossible to recover in any subsequent financial assessments? Thanks
Karla 31 Oct 2011
Me and my ex partner have a 5 year old son together. We separated 2 years ago and our son has spent as much time with me as he has his father. Unfortunately due to my work commitments and shift hours I rely on my ex to care for our son when I'm working nights etc. up until recently all financial costs for our child were split equally between us. Now my ex has stated that he will no longer be contributing towards costs for my son, so day to day childminder fees which is used by both of us is now left for me to pay, and clothing and school materials! I have contacted CSA but they could only state that £11 per week was all I was entitled too due to our son living with both of us in separate homes 50% of the time. So my wueation is where can I get help or advice? I honestly don't want maintence or any payment to me all I ask is that any cost of our son is paid between us, why should I be paying all of the bills when I have my son just as much as his dad?!? Any advice appreciated.
burradangoe 25 Oct 2011
I am a UK resident but an Indian citizen. I work and live in the UK on a Highly skilled Visa.My partner is German and lived in Germany (citizen).We were not married. We had a daughter 8 months ago. She (the daughter) was born in Germany and has a German passport with my surname. I am on her birth certificate as her father. My ex and I with our daughter continued to live in England after our daughters birth.We have recently split- amicably. But my ex has gone back to Germany and intends to live there long term.What can I do to get better access to my daughter. what are my rights and obligations in the situation? Please advise.
Titch 21 Oct 2011
My partner is divorced, has one child and has already gone through the courts where he was granted visiting rights, the ex is now refusing him any contact with his child, including all phone calls, what can we do to get the visits and contact reinstated?
Bob 17 Oct 2011
I live in Glasgow and split up from my wife 3 years ago due to an affair (hers!). We have two wonderful children from our marriage, children that I dote on. Up until a year ago I saw my kids for 3-4 days out of every 7, overnights, school runs etc., but then my ex made the work-related decision to move to Luton with her new partner and our kids. Access was arranged through lawyers, but my ex feels able to chop and change details like times, locations, even dates whenever she wants to. My finances aren't great, and it doesn't help that whenever I get to see the kids I'm the one doing 100% of the travelling to and from Luton, the cost of which prohibits me from being able to see them outside of arranged times. I am also the one keeping communication going; she won't allow the children to phone me from their landline as "it's too expensive". So I have to arrange most things through my 12 year old son as the ex won't talk to me directly. My lawyer seems unable to do much about any of this and I remain unconvinced her hands are tied by legality. If anyone out there has any advice, I'm listening and would be very grateful.
jez 17 Oct 2011
I have been having regular contact with my two daughters since my ex and I split. The contact was usually when my ex wanted me to have them and not when I wanted to spend time them. I went along with this as I was repeatedly told that if didn't take them when she wanted to go out or had no one else to watch them that I would no longer be able to have contact! In the end it didn't matter that I did what she wanted as I was informed by my children that they were moving in with their mums partner and was changing to the closest school to their new home(They were 5 and 6 when they told me). When I confronted my ex with what my daughters told me she replied in no uncertain terms that it had nothing to do with me that she was moving and that my contact contact was being reduced as I was no longer allowed them over night during the week because there school was a half hour drive away and didn't need me to take/pick them up any more. I work full-time so arranged with my work to be off at least one night every weekend to maximise the time I could spend with children but even this was not enough as in the end she has stopped all contact as she no longer needs me to be there when she wants. This means that my contact dwindled down from the majority of the week to suit her to one night a week to nothing as she lives next door to her partners parents! I am disappointed that any mother can stop contact when they want and get away with it. At the end of the day I love my kids and am fighting to see them but am bemused that it has taken me 7 months and a lot of money just to get to court to probably get told that I can only get a couple of hours of supervised time with OUR kids just because she doesn't need me around
Smfc 16 Oct 2011
I split with my ex 7 years ago. I've been the for my daughter rain, sleet and snow. I pick her up from school every second weekend from school on the Friday and back to school on the Monday. All school holidays and loads of days here and there. I have an awesome relationship with my daughter that even my ex agrees with. In that 7 years, me and my daughter have went through thick and thin trying to rebuild our life together. I'm happy to say we have done well. I've met someone and both my partners kids and my daughter are living together. Two years now and going really well. On the otherhand my ex in that time still lives with her parents. She works all the time and has also moved on trying to build a life for herself but she never seem to involve my daughter. The result is that my daughter is spending more time with the grand parents. This seems to frustrate my daughter. She is 10 now and mature for her age and she is maybe now starting to realise that she wants to move over to me but I know this will be an issue. I'm glad she is sharing her feeling and can't betray her confidence. My question is are there any case studies similar to ours. My daughters mood when going to school on a Monday has always been subdued but now it's tears and not wanting to go in. Im starting to look at my options
mug 14 Oct 2011
I have a daughter who will be 13 in nov,i am an unmarried father who has had his daughter every weekend and for two weks away on holiday since she was 2.i have always paid maintinence for her,her mother has taken her 250miles away to live with a man and his son whom she says was an old school friend but met on face book a month ago.she still demands her money and I am left without my child,the only contact she has with us is with face book and an occasional text,her mother is now saying she will take us off face book as my mum tells my child she is missed and that she is loved by her family.can this be the law for unmarried fathers?we are devastated.we have since found out that she done a runner owing about £40000 in rent,community tax, credit cards and hp.she has let non of the creditors know where she is.she has also left with a very large wide screen tv and a washing machine she pays weekly for,and we are walking on egg shells not to upset her as she wont let us see the child again,what can be done.
Lerone 27 Sep 2011
With regards to Parental Responsibility, your website states the following: Unmarried Couples In general terms, an unmarried mother is deemed to have “parental responsibility” for her children. However, there are exceptions. You also have parental responsibility if: 1) The child’s birth was registered after December 1st, 2003 and your name is on the certificate as the father. 2) If the child was born before that time with no father listed on the birth certificate, but the birth was later re-registered with you named as the father. 3) If you and the child’s mother sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement. 4) If you’re given a parental responsibility order by the court, or a Residence Order for the child to live with you. I am separated from the mother of my two children. We were not married, but I was listed as the father of both children at the time the births were registered. My youngest child was born after 1st December 2003, so I assume I have Parental Responsibility by virtue of point 1) above. However, my eldest child was born before 1st December 2003, so my assumption, based on the points above, is that I don't have Parental Responsibility for them. However, my solicitor has since indicated that I do have PR as I am registered as the father on the birth certificate, but I can't see how my situation is covered by any of the scenarios above. In fact, what percentage of cases would option 2) realistically cover as opposed to those fathers who were actually named on the birth certificate before 1st December 2003 (like me)? Assuming the law was changed on or around December 2003, why does it not appear to grant PR retrospectively to those births registered before that date, only those registered going forward from that date? Is that just the luck of the draw or have I read it totally wrong and my solicitor's got it right?? I'm hoping the latter for a couple of reasons!£! Can anyone clarify this matter for me? Many thanks in advance
angelaconmersa 24 Sep 2011
Hi, My partner has a 12 year old son who is due to visit us every other weekend and half of each school holidays, as per the contact order obtained last April due to mother's request. It happens that last month we moved to Devon (4.5hrs car journey away from mother's address) and she now claims that the son doesn't want to travel for so long for a weekend therefore won't allow him to b picked up. My partner understands that the distance can b an issue but, on the rare occasions he manages to speak with his son, the kid agrees in coming to see us.Despite the father addressing this with the mother she still refuses to let him come over. Furthermore, the child was supposed to come over for a 4/5 days holidays here, on school half term, as per the contact order, but the mother's solicitor has written to us to inform the child s not available has the mother booked 5 days holidays with him. My partner then proposed that the holidays could be booked either at the start or end of school holidays (which last 9 days) and both could have time with him as it is supposed to happen. The reply he got is that he is being unreasonable and the holidays have already been booked and paid for therefore couldn't be changed. Can the mother do this, even though she is going against the court order? Can he go back to court and ask for the contact order to be enforced so she will have to answer for all the times she has forbidden the child to visit us? also, although the kid says to the father he wants to see him the mother says he doesn't. We do believe the child is in a position where he wants to please both parts and says what he thinks each one wants to hear. can my partner request in court that a Cafcass guardian be appointed so the child has a saying in all this through an impartial person? Obviously my partner is very distressed with all this situation and doesn't want to upset his son but doesn't think it's fair what his ex wife is doing. In this situation what is the best course of action? I would appreciate if anyone could help as we can not afford a solicitor in this matter but he needs to do something to resolve the situation. Thank you for your help.
ilove mykiddies 27 Aug 2011
To all you caring daddys ! Well done ! Keep it up your children are worth fighting for !In my opinion courts are extremely biased,my partner looked after he's daughter for 2 years when her mum didn't want to know,she then decided that she fancied trying to be a mum, and my partner who had been her sole career with me as a help, had to have supervised visits ! Not the mum that hadn't been there ? How is that in the best interest of any child ? She then started court proceedings tried to take away he's parental rights, she didn't he got shared residancy, the courts gave her to her mum the majority of the time. Can you guess where she spends the majority of her time now.with her dad because her mum couldn't care about anyone but herself,we have her 5 days a week her mum 1 night one afternoon and her grandparents one night.if only those magistrates realised that not all mums behave like mums ! And some dads do a better job !
catie 27 Aug 2011
I've been seperated for the last two years, I'm in a very complicated situation. My x husband has my threee children, also he as a residency order, I've tried the last two years in seeing my children like going through courts, the last one was going to a contact order which I never heard from. I'm desprite to see my children and I really want them back is there anyway.
Braveheart 23 Aug 2011
Hi guys I am missing my two boys a great deal haven't been allowed to see them in 9 years, my eldest is 14 today and all I want to do is hold them both and tell them I love them both. Their mother will not allow them to speak with me and I have tried over the past 9 years I really have, I am married and the boys have a sister who knows all about them. I currently pay £500 per month due to the CSA losing details, how do I get to see my sons if she won't let me I'm unsure about what is available to me as in help with finances do I go for a visitation order or something else? Please help me see my boys they need their father.
spanner1711 8 Aug 2011
I separated from my ex partner a year ago after an acrimonious split (a restraining order was taken out for a year and I was charged with verbal battery) - in this time my ex has allowed me to see my son every week - I voluntarily pay maintenance and have never missed a payment - recently I have lost my job and have found it hard to gain new work and because of this I have had to sign on JSA, I will now have to contact the CSA and tell them I cannot afford to pay her, she has just come back from a holiday in Turkey and informs me that I cannot contact her and cannot see my son - I cannot believe she would do this and I think there is another man involved, how do I get legal rights to see my six year old son so that my ex partner cannot chop and change at will the access rights I have to my son. I also feel my ex is trying to get me to have a confrontation as the court order is about to end. My ex and her sister and husband where involved in causing a confrontation in the first place - I just want to see my son! Help me please.
nin 25 Jul 2011
My partner was cheating on me, we split in feb, every thing was going fine I was having my boy (2) every other week and more if she wanted me to. Then one time I say I can't have him and she accusses me of a crime which I didn't do. I was arrested and put on bail. The police dropped all charges as no evidence against me, but I have not seen my son for 3 months. She is now saying I've got to see him in a contact centre, but none of my family can see him. All I want is to see my son, how can she be so evil she cheated on me but im being treated as the crimanal not the victim.
LALA 13 Jul 2011
I am a single mother - have been before my son was born. I have been having many issues with the father over the last 2 year (inbetween the period where we just hear nothing from his for several months). I have never denied access and will continue to be a amicable as possible for the sake of my son as that is the right thing to do. The reason I am putting a comment on this site is I have found it to be one of the most helpful sites to refer to. Even though it is aimed at supporting fathers, it has helped me understand that I am doing the right things in my approach to the father of my son. Other sites are very confrontational and aggresive, this site not only lists the rights of father but also takes into account the emotional needs of the children and even the mothers.Very helpful and I will even forward links onto my solicitor.
Nige 8 Jul 2011
I am the non resident Loyal father of two children one is 16 and the other 11. Am divorced nearly a year and have mutually agreed contact two nights per week for both children which has worked and been an established routine for them. Maintenance is paid by me at the relevant CSA rate and has been since my X and I seperated although its not paid through the CSA - I pay it directly to her. She has suddenly last Saturday, moved to the other side of the country to live with the children and possibly new partner. She did not consult with me and forbade the children to say anything. She no doubt will be breaking our agreed and approved contact arrangements with the court because of the distance. Will I be forced to pay MORE child maintenance and have LESS precious CONTACT with my children if she directs the CSA to manage the case ? How can I get justice as their loving father?
matty 1 Jul 2011
My partner and I have split up we have a daughter who is 20 months. I have always had contact and had her overnight, she is now not letting me have her can she do this? I have been to a solicitor how long will it take before I get the right to see her?
Paul McWhirter 10 Jun 2011
I am separated now for 3 years but not divorced my daughter who is 16 and I see weekly lives with my ex partner, I have just spoke to my ex partner who has informed me she has been offered a job in australia and she is leaving england to move there in september she says she gave our daughter the choice to stay in england or go to australia with her she says she has chosen to go to australia please can you give me any advice on what rights I have.
chalkie 5 Jun 2011
I currently see my two daughters every monday and wednesday 15.30 - 18.30 every other week and have them for the weekend every three weeks.I feel that this is nowhere near enough time with them and I know that they would like to see me more too!I would like to have them every other weekend and for one evening every week 15.30-19.00!My ex Wife is making it difficult and I would like to know where I stand in terms of my rights for achieving this?thankyou.
Dragonflycj 2 Jun 2011
I am currenlty having problems with my ex partner over seeing my daughter, i currenlty only see her every other weekend and i have requested that i see her on more occassions, however my ex partner will not allow this and i want to know what are my rights and how i go about gaining more access. She has also refused me a weeks holiday in the UK with my daughter which i also think is unfair and would like some advice on this also, i have read the internet but i dont seem to be any further on Thanks
robbo 23 Mar 2011
i am a serving soldier living in germany, i have a son to my ex who lives in the uk, we were never married however my name is on his birth cert, as my son was born in Cyprus we had to go to Cyprit court and sign an afer david to get a cyprit birth cert with my name on it and then aply through the british embersy to get a british cert, i am now married to someone else and would like to bring my son to germany for the holidays. the ex says i can in the summer because it suits her( she is now with another soldier in germany) and she is visiting him then. i want to bring him over at easter but it dont suit her then so i have to take him to my mothers house. where do i stand leagly with this??? (i pay £390 a month CSA) oh and she wants me to pay for his new pass port

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