With separation, housing becomes an urgent and thorny issue. You might well own your current house with your partner, but what happens to that when you split up, and especially the money you have tied up in it? Even if you’re renting, there are issues that need to be faced. As for where you go, what’s the best path to take, renting or buying another property?
If you need to formally notify your landlord about the tenancy changes or discuss arrangements with your ex, you can use our free Letter Builder.
Your Current House
If you’ve been renting the house in your name and you’re moving out, both you and your ex should be aware that there’s no automatic transfer of lease to her. You’ll need to talk to the landlord and make new arrangements. You’ll also want your deposit back, since the amount will be very useful when renting a new place.
If you own the home, the two of you will need to make arrangements for your property. If it’s owned jointly, as most are, you have two choices. If one of you intends to remain in the house, that person will have to buy out the other. You can also decide to sell the house and split the money. If your partner is buying you out, make sure the arrangements aren’t just private, but registered through the building society, so you’re formally released from the mortgage. If not, then legally the property will still be classed as partly yours, and if your ex defaults on the mortgage, it can adversely ruin your credit rating.
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When you leave, you can either buy a new house or rent. Rental has many attractions in the short term, as you decide what you want to do and where you want to live. Be aware that most rentals are on renewable short-term six month leases. You’ll initially pay the first month’s rent plus a deposit (usually equal to a month’s rent) which can be refunded when you leave, as long as the property is in good condition.
You might consider renting with a friend, but make sure both your names are on the lease, otherwise, if the other person is named as the renter and moves out, you might find yourself homeless.
If you decide to buy, you’ll almost certainly have to downsize, since you’ll be relying on just your income rather than that of a couple. But with most homebuyers needing at least a 20% deposit, this may not be an option for you unless you have a large lump sum.
Before you look at any property, make a checklist of what you need. Apart from the basics, each of your children should have their own bedroom (budget and the number of children might not make this possible), and there should be a garden where your kids can play. (See our article What You Need in the House for Your Child on this site.) If you buy, even if it’s just a small property, it puts you back on the property ladder, and if you can make a good down payment, your monthly mortgage might be less than rent.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Choosing your Location
The other question is where you should live. There are distinct advantages in staying close to your former home, since it makes contact with your children much easier. However, some separated fathers prefer to move away. This can be due to a job, the desire to make a clean break, or cheaper housing prices in another part of the country. There are pluses and minuses to both that you need to weight for yourself.
When You Move
Regardless of where you move, when you do switch addresses there are some things you need to do. Before you transport everything to your new place, go through items – do you need or even want them? Moving is always a good opportunity for a clearout.
You’ll also need to inform people about your change of address. That’s not only friends but organisations such as banks, building societies, the Inland Revenue, credit card companies, DVLA, insurance companies and your GP etc. This will ensure that important items of mail follow you to your new home.
My ex kicked me out the family home 9 months ago and since then I have been sleeping on my mothers sofa.
We own our house, I own the higher percentage. I have been paying the mortgage since I left. My ex is refusing mediation and wants me to take her to court to sort the house out.
She refuses to work and believes I should pay for the house until she can ‘find someone else to take over the mortgage’! 1 - she has never contributed to the bills or mortgage in all our time together as she still doesn’t work. 2 - it was my money that bought the house.
I’m sleeping on a sofa while she lives in a £400k house that I pay for!!
I would never see my children homeless and would give her a bigger % of the sale money for her to buy another property. every time I pick the kids up for my weekends she shouts about daddy taking the house away from them and making them live in a flat with no garden. It’s traumatising the children and killing me to see them so upset.
I work 16 hour days to keep a roof over everyone’s head at the moment and can’t see a way out.
Our mortgage is up for renewal at the end of the year and with the interest rates as they are I cannot afford to pay for their house and support myself.
She’s also changed the locks to my house.
The solicitors are also no help. Just demanding more money for not a lot of output.
Please, someone give me some advice. I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and I don’t know what to do.
Mentally kids are affected by the separation but living with strangers will also affect the kids.
Also, poor dads as most of them leave the house to help the kids and the mums but put themselves in a critical situation. They start from the beginning and have no support from housing and council. It's really sad to see this in Uk.
my boyfriend has two children that he sees as often as possible and I wouldn't dream of ever stopping that I love them like they're mine and I know that I would feel differently about him if he had not bothered with his children that wouldnd be the character of man I would want to be with so I do believe that women out there do need to give people a bit of a break especially to there children dad
it's no different from the way they see there own dad,! my experience its maintenance look after your kid at the weekends which you have to pay for yourself when your looking after them when you have them to feed them but also pay the mum when she's gone in my world that don't work the way I see it whoever has that child at that point if one's got the stuff they need they give it to them if the other one's got the stuff they need they give it to them because at the end of the day is your children isn't it I don't mean that directed at you as in like you're not doing what they're supposed to be I just feel like you're in a really unfair situation because what if she just decided she wants any house mates CBR check or they can't be around the kids you can't win anyway if you would like to chat, have a look at different ideas I would like to trying to help.as I'm unable to work I try and help in any way I can. you can find me on Facebook Kerry whybrow if you want to bat ideas about or you just want to have a rant sometimes we all need a little support hope to hear from you soon take care
but when i asked for help with child tax credits from HMRC they said if my ex wife does not want to let me have any they can't force her even though I have my children with me four to five days a week.
On top of that because I work on and off for agency work and then live on universal credit I have fallen behind on my mortgage the mortgage company are now threatening to take my home from me but can't seem to get help from anyone council can't help tax credits can't help and soon I could be homeless because my ex is down as sole custody of the children trying to explain to authorities that they stay with me more they told me that did not matter to them and it's upto me to sort it out myself. For men like me and millions of other men like me the Goverment and councils just don't care. Just would like to know if anyone out there could give me some advice please as the Goverment and other authorities just don't care unless your a woman or druggie or alcoholic.
I am a single father who has my 9 year old son Tuesday's Thursdays for evening and every other weekend for overnight stays. Since I split from the ex I have lived at my parents on the sofa. This is very difficult when son comes over to stay. Can I ask would I get help with a place of my own as work full time hours a week and Still can't see how I can afford to rent a place with rates these days. The ex is loving life in a 3 bed house and I'm Struggling to find a good night's kip each night. Really beginning to take its toll on me. Any help or advice would be muchly appreciated ??
Dave
I’ve split up with my parter last October, we have 11 years old daughter together.
As a PhD student and part-time employee I’m renting 2 rooms (one for myself and one for my daughter when she coming over for a weekends) in a shared house (3 friends leaving with me). I’ve tenancy until June 2021, and I’ll be able to look for the place on my own after that date. Yet, my ex after sever bad decisions, lack in communication and neglect, make me worry about wellbeing of our child. Is it possible to have full custody for a child when leaving in shared house?
Thanks,
Luke
I'm a single dad and I have a 9 year old son who I get to have 3 to 4 days a week.one whole day and 2 to 3 overnight only...I live in a studio flat which is nice but not much room did house share before for 5 years but my son could not get on well with the person I was living with things just are getting worse with this living situation.i just want to know what my chances are of getting a place with the council for a single dad
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