Can My Wife Change My Access Arrangements?

I take my hat off to the fathers who go to court to see there children and who want to be involved in there childs life ,(i wish I was like that but in reality im just not made that way )and now I realise who I am and have stopped( beating myself up )over my choice to walk away and have zero contact .because( I will be the first to tell anyone I'm just not father material) ,and the child is better off with the mother .(I live and will always live the Bachelor lifestyle) and im not sorry for it its my life .her mother should have realised the men I was before( trapping me )with her pregnancy)I was only 22 a child .I secretly wanted to kill myself (I didn't want kids or marriage I felt like rabbit in a trap )and wastingmy youth stuck with a fat ugly old women when I new I could domuch better .

@loulou ,(I just can't imagine life with 5 children )wow that's alot you would have to struggle to feed cloth them send them to school. Let alone livein the same house with 5 children and your misso .yeah that be to much for me( I would most likely do a runner gods truth )but lucky for me I dont have any children I (apparently) fathered a child but that was (18 years ago) and I have never been involved with the girl on any level not (emotionally or financially) like I class myself as a guy who never had a children .(And I would like to keep it that way) .(my biggest fear is having sum random women in the future calming I'm her father and wants a relationship with me ) that would be terrible. I might sound like a prickbut just think from my side I have zero emotionalconnection to this young women and things like this makes me very uncomfortable I dont want to deal with that kind off thing .I just hope mother told her im no good or even better that I'm dead .so I don't ever have to deal with a situation like that .

Good evening, My ex partner left the family home end of January this year..we have a 3 year old boy and 21 month old girl together we have tried mediation to sort out contact arrangements order but he didnt wish to continue, we then had a court hearing for c100 child arrangements order which he didnt attend ..so i now have a court order which states the chilldren live with me and are to spend day timetwice a week with dad .. he now is taking me to court for overnight access which i feel the children wont cope with at this moment in time as they are very young and never stayed away from me or there own home. There is also 3 older children who live with dad now and im also concerned there is not enough room for 5 children to share 2 bedrooms. The children are all girls age 8 10 and 13. Its alot of change for my little ones and think it will cause more disruption and they wont deal well with being in a house overnight with 3 older children and sharing a room. they have separate rooms at moment and use to just the 3 of us. The find it overwhelming when they have been to dads as there alot more people around and are hard to settle when they come home. i want to wait til they are a little older to stay overnight. My court order was only issued a month ago . How will caffcass see this and do you think i can stop overnight until there is sufficient space and they can deal with being away from me as the whole sistuation has made them very clingy to me.

Good evening, My ex partner left the family home end of January this year..we have a 3 year old boy and 21 month old girl together we have tried mediation to sort out contact arrangements order but he didnt wish to continue, we then had a court hearing for c100 child arrangements order which he didnt attend ..so i now have a court order which states the chilldren live with me and are to spend day timetwice a week with dad .. he now is taking me to court for overnight access which i feel the children wont cope with at this moment in time as they are very young and never stayed away from me or there own home. There is also 3 older children who live with dad now and im also concerned there is not enough room for 5 children to share 2 bedrooms. The children are all girls age 8 10 and 13. Its alot of change for my little ones and think it will cause more disruption and they wont deal well with being in a house overnight with 3 older children and sharing a room. they have separate rooms at moment and use to just the 3 of us. The find it overwhelming when they have been to dads as there alot more people around and are hard to settle when they come home. i want to wait til they are a little older to stay overnight. My court order was only issued a month ago . How will caffcass see this and do you think i can stop overnight until there is sufficient space and they can deal with being away from me as the whole sistuation has made them very clingy to me.

Good evening, My ex partner left the family home end of January this year..we have a 3 year old boy and 21 month old girl together we have tried mediation to sort out contact arrangements order but he didnt wish to continue, we then had a court hearing for c100 child arrangements order which he didnt attend ..so i now have a court order which states the chilldren live with me and are to spend day timetwice a week with dad .. he now is taking me to court for overnight access which i feel the children wont cope with at this moment in time as they are very young and never stayed away from me or there own home. There is also 3 older children who live with dad now and im also concerned there is not enough room for 5 children to share 2 bedrooms. The children are all girls age 8 10 and 13. Its alot of change for my little ones and think it will cause more disruption and they wont deal well with being in a house overnight with 3 older children and sharing a room. they have separate rooms at moment and use to just the 3 of us. The find it overwhelming when they have been to dads as there alot more people around and are hard to settle when they come home. i want to wait til they are a little older to stay overnight. My court order was only issued a month ago . How will caffcass see this and do you think i can stop overnight until there is sufficient space and they can deal with being away from me as the whole sistuation has made them very clingy to me.

My wife and I split 8 months ago and she dictates when I can see them, I've just asked if I can take them for a couple of nights and she said no, making some reason that the kids won't settle.is she allowed to do that?

Stu - yeah I’m afraid the court won’t look at contact order unless you have tried mediation first even if you go and she refuses to agree it has to happen for court to look at contact order - but £500 seems expensive so look around mine was £250 10 years ago but can’t imagine it’s gone up that much but maybe it has... then when mediation doesn’t work (it won’t because the women that do this to us are trying to hurt us and control us so they won’t agree) then you do contact order application- make sure you start logging things - thats how I won in court I logged all the times I had contact before she took it away and all the times I had tried to negotiate with her ... I made sure all my messages were business like no emotion and she would reply being unreasonable and I printed them off andthe court saw it ... cafcass were good too they interview you before the court date and all the court and cafcass care about is the children and what’s best for them as long as they are safe with you then the court will be on your side .. don’t let her trigger you into reacting negative as she will use this against you just be very calm in texts and make her look unreasonable... you got this !

My ex hardly sees our 4 month old And broke all promises to pay maintenance.Because of concerns with coronavirus I'm asking him and his family to see her at my house. But theyve only been once.He's taken the baby out in busy public places while I've been keeping isolated and refused to tell me where he's taking her and who they are with which concerns me because I need to know where she is in case of emergency. Also I want him to ensure she is changed in private not in public but he refuses to agree. Our family was affected by abuse from a close family member many years ago so this is something I feel strongly about. Is it legal if I insist she is changed in private and that I know where and who she's with?He's threatening taking me to court. He doesnt take the lockdown rules seriously which out us both at risk.Need advice please.

Hi, I separated from my Wife in February 2017 when our son was only 10 months old. Since April 2017 we agreed in mediation to have shared custody and I have looked after our son for half the time single handily whilst having a full time job. Since the beginning of January 2020 our once amicable relationship has broken down to the point it become untenable and now without any notice has reduced my visitations with my son to one night a week without a court agreeing to it. Can my Ex Wife dramatically change our sons routine which has been in place for over two years without the courts approval? I was supposed to get my son tonight and she has not dropped him off and will not answer my phone calls so I can try and reason with her. I'm absolutely devastated and do not wish to battle it out in court for two reasons. 1) Going through an unnecessary potentially lengthy court battle would have detrimental impact on our son as it is a stressful situation for all involved and 2) Paying unnecessary legal costs which can be expensive when the monies could be better spent on our son and each other. What is the first step I should take?

Looking for advice. I currently have my children 3 nights every week Friday/ Saturday alternating. Sunday and Monday night every week pick up from school Fridays Saturday pick up 3pm Sunday pick up 4pm go home to mum 6pm on a Tuesday. My question is, my ex is complaining that I don’t have them through the day at the weekends. I work every single weekend Saturday and Sunday I work in catering, and have worked these shift patterns for the last five or so years. She is threatening legal action on this. Can she force me to stop working at the weekends? I don’t do it through choice it is just the nature of the business I work in. There is no way I can pick up shifts through the week there just isn’t the hours available for that to happen. If I drop days at the weekend the impact financially in my self would be dire. I wouldn’t be able to afford to pay my rent bills etc or the maintenance I pay thst is over and above CMS guidelines based on my current income. Can she legally force me into that position? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

DYSLEXIC USER Hello, I have been divorced for my ex wife for over ten years now and my daughter is now 15 years old, whom live with my ex wife and I have noticve in past few months that my ex wife has made contact arrangements more difficult by doing things like changing previously agreed dates like for things like hoildays. that daughter does not want go on or times and places for collection of my daughter at which is not all possible for us to do at the short notice. I try to accomate my Ex-wife as much possible with dates and times were I can, but feel like it getting more difficult and I am considering weather to speak family lawer about my concerns that my ex wife is not upholding her end of our argreement made in 2008 in family court..Any advise please thank you

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Can you prove your son has lived with you? Are you the parent who is in receipt of child benefit? If you can and you are, then you will be eligible to apply for residency of your son and you would stand a good chance.

My Ex-Partner left my Son & I to move in with another guy. My ex still sees my son as I pay her to look after him between the hours of school and when I get back (about 2 hours a day). I am wanting to put him in some after school clubs as this is what he wants to do but she is saying that I still need to pay her as she cant afford to live without it. My concern is I can see her going for custody of our son, purely for the money. How would a judge see it if my son has lived with me for the past 7 months and I have allowed full access to the mum whenever she wants but she now insists he lives with her and her new fella. Even a 50/50 living arrangement split would be detrimental to his progress as she would rather put an ipad in front of him than read to him or help with his homework (something we do every night but she never did in the 5 years we were together. Any guidance would be greatly appriciated

My ex-wife regularly uses the children as weapons and withholds access or puts obstacles in the way to make access difficult. She states she wants me to see the children but then makes it as hard as possible to arrange. My new wife and I moved out of the local town where the children live with my ex, to a cheaper area over 20 miles away (a 40 minute car journey at best, frequently significantly longer with traffic), so that we could afford to buy a house with enough room for my 3 children to stay (I gave my ex everything in the divorce settlement and had no equity from the previous house). The children are meant to visit every other weekend from Saturday morning to Sunday night. My ex then started saying we could not pick the children up until lunchtime on a Saturday because my son was playing football on Saturday morning. Then around a year ago, after becoming annoyed about something, my ex-wife announced that there was no point in the 2 girls staying the night any longer because she had arranged for them to do gymnastics every Sunday morning (this is either from 10.00 to 12.00 or sometimes even 2pm). On investigation I found out that there were at least 2 week night options when they could have attended gymnastics. The venue is less than 5 minutes from my ex's house. I previously had to seek legal advice and participate in mediation when my ex stopped me and my wife from seeing the children, but I incurred huge debt from this which I am still paying because my ex is a lawyer and did everything she could to ramp up my legal fees as high as possible. I cannot really afford to go down that route again and she wasn't truthful during the mediation anyway. If this were to go to court, would it be considered reasonable for my ex to arrange weekend activities for the children in her local area, not mine (without any consultation) and insist that I take them to those activities if I want access? The main problem is that these activities do not involve all the children and so the practicalities are not straightforward. Firstly I don't always have access to the car for the full weekend because my wife works long hours and is often away from home for work (and her company car is our family car). In addition, unless I expect the child/ren not involved in the activity to wait around for the whole time that the other children are participating, it means a minimum 1.5 hour round trip to come home again and then another 1.5 round trip to pick up. Because my ex has arranged activities on both the Saturday and the Sunday, if my wife is away and I cannot leave the remaining child/ren at the house, it means the children spending 5-6 hours in the car during every 2 day visit that I have them! After we returned from a recent holiday, my ex began causing problems again and has now stated that because the children only stay with us for 20 hours in total each visit (bearing in mind this is because of the activities she has arranged and so I put my foot down

My ex has decided to not want our youngest son (17) to live with her anymore due to constant arguments between them. She has full custody and I pay the usual CSA amount each month and he stays every other weekend with me. She has told him that he can live with me as long as we all agree to personal arrangements. I am happy for him to come and live with his stepmum and myself but I am worried that she will expect to receivefull csa payments from myself until he is 20 as she was given custody after the divorce. Where do i stand legally and how would i be able to prove residency?

Hi My ex has been removing my access week on week at short notice. She has requested a letter/email of my proposal for shared access. I have replied several times but the format of my proposal is 'unacceptable'; not the times just the layout. Is there a standard template for such arrangements? I cant find one. ps I am well aware she is just being difficult, but need to clear this hurdle.

My access has been removed by my ex-wife regarding her own frustrations egged on by her stupid boyfriend and I have no court order against me, nothing…I have had my children every weekend since October 15, 2 nights 1 weekend and 1 night the next.I hate the fact that you have to go through a whole legal process, at cost, to access your kids again (im on the birth certificate and have an excellent relationship with them).She has demanded mediation, which is fab because people will see her and her boyfriend for who they really are! But its going to cost around £500-£600 and there is no guarantee it will work. If I apply for a contact order at £215, I have to have been to mediation? And all of that still offers no guarantee. Can anyone advise me on what to do or your general experiences?

Me may wife ( soon to be ex) spit 2 years ago and I been have the kids more than 50% of the time but now she want me to have them only 6 nights over two weeks and I want 7 nights over 14 night (50%) like it's been from Jan before that I was having them 5 and 6 nights a week. I just don't know what to do and wear I stand

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We agree when you say that trying to work amicably with your ex is much easier all round and beneficial to the kids, than fighting each other. The court always expects couples to have attempted mediation in order to resolve any issues prior to taking the matter to court. However, we do not agree that all mean are deadbeats, the majority are good fathers that want more than anything to take an active and responsible part in their children's lives.

I think parents need to try and work together and get over there issues. At the end of the day I know fathers are important in child's life however at the end of the day the mothers raising their children majority of the time and this needs to be expected! Meditation would be good as opposed to courts! Solicitors only want your monies whilst who suffers the child. A lot of parent need to try and work together and come to arrangements. People shouldn't have kids unless they are willing to stick together as a family but I think people think having kids will make relationships better it doesn't work! Always make sure ur partner is someone you would marry! Sorry but I'm for the women men walk away to easily they are deadbeats

i have my 2 girls every wednesday and every other weekend in court it is down as 50/50. my works changed so now can have the girls every wednesday & thursday but when i ask my ex for thursdays she said no ,take me to court .can anyone help me

My son has a non contact order on his ex wife's partner not to be in the presence of my grandchildren, either at her home or elsewhere.. I've just found out that she is Facetiming her partner in front of my GKids,. Is that allowed.Strictly speaking he is not at the house but elsewhere, although not present. Bit of a grey areato me.

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Your ex is allowed to do this if there is no court order in place giving you specific access to your child. If you dispute her decision, you would have to take the matter to court and the court would decide what it thinks is in your child's best interests.

Hi can anyone give me advice as I have moved to the USA and my ex is saying when I come back to visit my boy I can only see him 3 days with me then 3 with her.I want him a week at a time. Is she allowed to do this ?

Hello...I'm in desperate need of advice... I got divorced from my ex-wife last year, but we never had a formal written agreement regarding access to my son who's just turned 8. (he lives with her in Bolton) The weekly arrangement so far has been that I collect him from school on Tuesdays and then take him to his swimming lessons before dropping him off at his mum's at around 7pm. I also have him on Sunday afternoons, either picking him up just before or just after lunch. Unfortunately I've been late picking him up from school on a few occasions (the last time was on Tuesday, 1 November), and today, Sunday 6 November, I was late picking him up from his mum's. I set off from Middlesbrough (where my current partner lives) at 11.30am, and received a text from my ex at 12.22pm saying: "Are you coming for Oscar today?" At 12.24pm I replied: "Yes. Should be there 1.45pm" At 12.25pm she replied: "Ok" Due to roadworks I was slightly late, so at 1.48pm I sent a message saying: "There in 10." At 1.49pm she sent me this text message: "Don't bother. You've just lost access. See you in court if you want it back." When I turned up at her house just before 2pm, her car wasn't there and there was no answer when I called her phone. My question is this: can she legally deny me access just like that when there was no formal agreement in place? If not, what can I do? Alternatively, if she can, what are my options? I ought to finish by saying that I've been paying £200 maintenance each month, but recently I was made redundant, so can't currently pay it. (last month, October 2016, was the first payment I missed) I understand this is not ideal, but can she still deny me access on these grounds? What can I do?? Hope to hear back soon.

Help, please!! This question is about access arrangements. I left my sons mother over 5 years ago and had to move into London due to not be able to afford child maintenance, live close by to my son and travel to work (London). Since we spilt my sons Mother has ignored the access agreements we have and is constantly changing them. At one point I had to complete a 4 hour round trip in public transport for 3 months every time I picked up my son (even though I gave her my old car to assist in travel costs etc). By the time I got back home it would be past 22:00 and he would be fast asleep. She dictates to me where I have to pick him up from and drop him off otherwise she won't let me see him. Just two weeks ago she demanded last minute that I take a £100 round taxi journey to pick my son up from a family event of hers. When I explained that I was waiting at the train station and didn't have that sort of money (id just got married) she said I couldn't see him. It's getting really frustrating now as its been like this for 5 years. The examples I have given are a small selection. I need to go through the courts but do you think it would be possible for the courts to outline when I see him and propose fair travel arrangements, as in I pick him up from hers and she picks him up from mine? I only ask because even if the courts set out access times and dates, based on her behaviour she will no doubt not care about that and put as many barriers up as possible... Please help I feel totally helpless and alone. Every can see how badly she is treating me but no one knows what I can do.

I need help if someone could help me, so me and the mother of my child have a verbal agreement on when i see my child, i have her tuesday wednesday every other weekend i pay her every 1st of the month 145 pound which she saying because we had an argument the other day she will be taking my Tuesday away from me, i have a verbal agreement with csi to pay her but i was thinking if she breaks the agreement we have that i will be putting it in to a account isa i dont wanna take her court but shes leaving me no opinion? Any help please

Hi I wonder if anybody can offer me some much needed advice. I have been separated from my wife for 4 months. It appears she has been planning on divorcing me for quite a while so when we split up she was way ahead of the game and I was unprepared. She managed to get me out of the house with a court order and I have had my two daughters age 14 and 15 ever since on a 3 days on 3 days off basis ever since whilst staying at my mums house. I have no contact with my wife only through solicitors. Our legal fees will be at least £80k by the time we are finished!!! Wife refused mediation as she wants to secure a big payout. We are gearing up for the financial settlement but she has hired a top lawyer and I think they are trying their best to fleece me. A consent order was drawn up saying that I would pay the £1200 mortgage every month. It appears she is planning on getting the judge to grant a Mesher order so that she can stay in the house until my youngest reaches 18 or is out of university. I'm not sure if legally it includes university education. My wife has been taking the children to counselling behind my back. I found out about it after they had been to two sessions. She had been telling them to lie to me about going. She is trying to make out the reason for taking them is to help them get over the split. I contacted the counsellor myself and asked if I could be involved. The counsellor has been obstructive and not allowed me to go even to meet her. I know now that the whole thing has been setup. Last week I received a letter from the counsellor saying that she wanted to trial new living arrangements which would change the 3 days on 3 days off arrangement. It's proposed that I just have the children two nights a week and she has them 5. I would get them Sunday afternoon until late Tuesday evening. Sunday is always homework day as will Monday and Tuesday nights so I will have no quality time with them at all. The report is completely biased and basically the counsellor has been put up to this by my wife from day one. I know she is doing this in readiness for going to court so that she can persuade the judge that she needs a bigger financial settlement and also I will have to lay more child maintenance. What has really upset me is that this was all done behind closed doors and she has brainwashed the children into believing this is what they wanted. The children were very happy with the previous arrangement until she took them to counselling. They are scared of going against her as she is a very controlling woman. She is trying to alienate them against me. It's difficult as they are girls and she is really pushing the girly thing with them. I've spoken with the children and they said they preferred being in their own bedrooms. It's breaking me as I am not the guilty party. I was forced out of my own home, I'm paying a huge mortgage and she's trying to come after me for another £800 a month for her income needs. I am taking it to court as

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If you have no formal court arrangement, then your access arrangements are considered flexible and there is nothing to stop your ex from changing them. However, if you apply through the courts and are awarded access, then your ex will have to obey the order, or you can take the order back to court to have it enforced. It is unlikely the court will award you joint custody, as 'shared care' is usually mutually agreed by the parents and rarely awarded in court. The court will usually nominate one parent as the primary carer and one as the non-resident parent with access rights. The court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child and consistency and a stable home is considered important, therefore the court would be unlikely to change these arrangments unless necessary. However, if you do get a court order for access, it will put you in a firmer position then a mutually agreed access arrangement that is not working.

Hi Can my ex wife keep changing the days I see may daughter? My Daughter is 10 years old I have been to mediation once before and she never turned up so I am going to go for joint custody what are my chances of getting this