Mediation as a Solution for Child Custody and Visitation

No one’s going to try to say that separating is easy. Even at its smoothest, it’s a dizzying, horrible experience. In court it can lead to a lot of acrimony, and where issues are contested, legal bills can easily soar into the thousands, something neither you nor you former partner need at this stage.

Before you head into a costly court battle, there is an alternative, and it’s one suggested surprisingly often by solicitors or courts. Mediation is a lot less divisive than court wrangling, and statistics have show that for both parents the results have proved to be more satisfying than drawn-out legal procedures. Additionally, it’s a great deal less expensive.

How It Works

Mediation is a series of sessions with a trained, neutral mediator to sort out the issues around splitting up – note that this isn’t an attempt to reconcile the two of you. These involve child residence and contact (always putting the welfare of the children first), but also cover legal and Financial Issues. If you’re married, it’s not a substitute for Divorce; you’ll still need to go through that, but with everything else taken care of in a written mediation agreement, it can prove to be a much faster, simpler, and cheaper procedure as you’ll have a consent order.

You attend a series of mediation sessions, each lasting between one and two hours; rarely are more than six sessions necessary. The initial meeting can be the with you and your ex or individually, discussing the issues and whether the two of you can meet face to face. At no time does the mediator attempt to make decisions for you or take either side in the discussion. They’re simply facilitators in the proceedings.

Both parties will need to give honest, signed information about their finances for mediation to work. Be aware, though, that mediation doesn’t work for everyone, although it’s successful in the vast majority of cases. Once you start, you’re still free to stop if you wish. Everything you say is confidential, with the exception of your financial information and anything that might come to light about the potential of harm to anyone, most particularly your children. Note, too, that you have to at least find out about mediation before you can qualify for legal aid for any court settlement.

What It Costs

It’s possible to get legal aid to cover the costs of mediation, but for most people, you’ll be paying the bill yourself. Depending on the number of sessions involved, this can run between £100 and £1000; a lot depends on the complexity of the cases and the number of issues involved.

The Sessions

Obviously, it’s simplest if the sessions involve you and your ex-partner together. If so, ground rules will be established regarding no interruptions, shouting and so on. You might need separate rooms with the mediator going between the two of you.

You’ll need to be prepared for give and take. When it comes to residence and Contact Orders, the two of you want the same thing, which is whatever’s best for the kids, and the mediator can help you work out the most viable, practical solutions. But that also includes financial issues, such as mortgages – the kids need somewhere to live, after all. It’s not easy, but the mediator works with the pair of you to establish a solution that’s satisfactory to you both (and to the children).

It culminates in an agreement, called a Memorandum of Understanding or Statement of Outcome. You’ll probably want to have your solicitor review the agreement before you sign it, and once signed the two of you can also have your solicitors sign it to make everything legally binding. It might also be that you only reach agreement on some issues. If so, the mediator will record these, and the others can be resolved in court.

If your children are older, many mediators will suggest involving them in the sessions. It makes sense, since, in essence, you’re discussing their welfare.

Finding a Mediator

The Family Mediation Helpline (www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk) or National Family Mediation (www.nfm.org.uk) can help connect you to a mediator, visit their website to find your nearest service and contact details. It’s not a solution that’s going to work in every single case, but it’s often proved a value solution for separating families. More about mediation can be found here.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Mediation Prep Tool lets you prepare your key points and priorities before mediation. Takes 5 minutes. Try it now →