How to Get to See My Kids and Help Other Separated Dads

Q.

I feel let down buy all the people I contact. My solicitor won't go any further until she gets legal aid and I haven't seen my children for nearly two months. I have been told it could be another month before she can apply for the aid.

Where does a father go from here? We should be able to have responsibility for our children - we are not here JUST to bring them into the world and then leave. We want to play an active role in their development.

I would like to go to college and gain some qualifications that will enable me to help fathers in distress - as we all suffer from being on our own. What are the best steps I can take to help myself and other dads in this situation? Is there something I could learn about in college that would be useful? I really need to get help with my problem with my ex, so I can help others in a similar situation and reassure them that they are not alone.

A.

As a father you are setting a good example by wanting to fix problems with your ex and be able to see your children regularly. Unfortunately the legal system can be slow to sort things out and this can be very frustrating for you, especially when you are unable to see your children in the meantime. Ultimately it is still the best route to go down in order to secure your rights to visitation and to play an active part in your children’s upbringings but there are other steps you can take. The legal system is there for good reason and does play an important role in securing fathers’ rights, but is not the only solution.

You do not say what your relationship with your Ex is like but you may want to consider asking her to attend some mediation sessions with you. You both need to work hard to put your children first and find a way to communicate with each other. By agreeing to visit a mediator it gives you both a chance to express your feelings and opinions and try to understand each other a bit better. You are always going to have a relationship because of your children so the smoother this can be, the better.

This may also be the best route for you to go down in order to help other fathers. Most men who are dealing with this kind of situation have a lot of emotions to deal with and could really do with someone to talk to. As someone who has experienced it, you would be in a great position to help them. There are many counselling and mediation courses available, either through your local college, private classes or distance learning that would be a great start.

Another thing to consider would be for you to visit a support group or talk to other men who are dealing with visitation issues. There are a number of Internet forums and also groups that meet in person. As well as helping other men, at the moment you yourself need to feel that you are not alone and it would probably help you to talk to other fathers who have dealt with the same thing.

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