I feel let down buy all the people I contact. My solicitor won't go any further until she gets legal aid and I haven't seen my children for nearly two months. I have been told it could be another month before she can apply for the aid.
Where does a father go from here? We should be able to have responsibility for our children - we are not here JUST to bring them into the world and then leave. We want to play an active role in their development.
I would like to go to college and gain some qualifications that will enable me to help fathers in distress, as we all suffer from being on our own. What are the best steps I can take to help myself and other dads in this situation? Is there something I could learn about in college that would be useful? I really need to get help with my problem with my ex so I can help others in a similar situation and reassure them that they are not alone.
(M.J, 20 April 2009)
A.
As a father you are setting a good example by wanting to fix problems with your ex and be able to see your children regularly. Unfortunately, the legal system can be slow to sort things out and this can be very frustrating for you, especially when you are unable to see your children in the meantime.
Ultimately, it is still the best route to go down in order to secure your Rights To Visitation and to play an active part in your children’s upbringings, but there are other steps you can take. The legal system is there for good reason and does play an important role in securing fathers’ rights, but is not the only solution.
You do not say what your relationship with your ex is like but you may want to consider asking her to attend some Mediation Sessions with you. You both need to work hard to put your children first and Find A Way To Communicate With Each Other. By agreeing to visit a mediator it gives you both a chance to express your feelings and opinions and to try to understand each other a bit better. You are always going to have a relationship because of your children so the smoother this can be, the better.
This may also be the best route for you to go down in order to help other fathers. Most men who are dealing with this kind of situation have a lot of emotions to deal with and could really do with someone to talk to. As someone who has experienced it, you would be in a great position to help them. There are many counselling and mediation courses available, either through your local college, private classes or distance learning that would be a great start.
Another thing to consider would be for you to visit a support group or talk to other men who are dealing with Visitation issues. There are a number of Internet forums and also groups that meet in person. As well as helping other men, you need to feel that you are not alone and it would probably help you to talk to other fathers who have dealt with the same thing.
I was made redundant December 2009 but secured a job in Dubai January 2010, I came to Dubai and as I always have my youngest daughter Boxing day thru New Year I asked and got permission to bring my daughter with me for 2 weeks. My plan then was to see her every 6 - 8 weeks which would have worked out with half term, easter, may bank holidays. However when I asked my Ex if I could have my daughter end of February 2010 for a weeks half term I was advised she wouldn't let her come to Dubai!! I went home in the August and saw her for 2 weeks and since then my only contact is by Facebook, Email, Mobile phone. I stopped my voluntary payments to my Ex in the May due to my Ex's attitude. She has now relented and said I can have my daughter if I fly back to collect her and fly back to drop her off!!!! Does anyone have any experience of going to court to gain access when living abroad?
Johnbuoy - 28 September 2011 @ 3:14 PM
Hi i split from my ex on 1st sept 2010, our daughter is now 2 1/2 yrs old. about 6 months ago she decided to up sticks and move to plymouth which is about 5 hours away from me. Do i have any rights in this matter? as the usual contact i had which was at least once a week, i will not be able to have as she doesnt drive or have a job. And to top it all off she has been seeing another guy in plymouth now for about 3 months and is pregnant again. Is there anything i can do?
Mark - 13 September 2011 @ 1:49 PM
I just got a letter from the csa (Dated 25th August 2011) saying,
"We previously worked out an amount of child maintenance for your case and sent you a letter to let you know how we worked this out. I'm writing today to let you know how and when you must make your child maintenance payments"
following a review of your case, the amounts you need to pay has changed
to £26.82 a week from 16-09-2005
to £17.88 a week from 17-09-2004
to £8.94a week from 19-09-2003
to £88.50 a week from 14-09-2007
to £88.50 a week from 14-09-2007
to £23.46 a week from 15-09-2006
This review found that you were not paying enough child maintenance in the past. We have therefore added £2,941.20 to your child maintenance arrears. Amounts to pay for your arrears are included in the table below. If you want to know the total amount of arrears you owe please call us on the number at the top of this letter.
The table below shows the amounts you are legally required to pay over the next 12 months
Total £1.23 weekly Payments 1 from 26-08-2011
Total £73.80 weekly Payments 51 from 02-09-2011
The children relating to these payments both left school last year (2010) and from what I hear never went onto further education.
I have always complied with the csa in accesments, this is the first letter I have had since they accessed me taking into account my current family situation. I now have 3 daughters ages 4, 11 & 12
Surely they cant just throw this at me when I should have finished paying last year. (I am still paying from my wage.
I would be grateful for your advice, Regards Ricky
DarkStar - 28 August 2011 @ 5:24 PM
I am way too familiar with the hurt and terrible angish you are going through, It has been a very long and tediouse battle for me to have access to my son. It is heading towards four years since I started my fight to gain quallity time with my son and I am still having a great amount of difficulties in the fight. I thought I was on my own until recently, and yes no matter how many solicitor letters there have been sent and a order of contact too, nothing seems to be sticking the ex justs laughs it of and continues playing the system withouut any ethics or morals. I am yet to see this so called order to be enforced like that would make any differance!!!So yeah you go for it and goodluck with your goal, I am not that confident yet but maybe when things go right I can follow in your footsteps.
