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How to Get to See My Kids and Help Other Separated Dads

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 1 Dec 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
How To Get To See My Kids And Help Other Separated Dads

Q.

I feel let down buy all the people I contact. My solicitor won't go any further until she gets legal aid and I haven't seen my children for nearly two months. I have been told it could be another month before she can apply for the aid.

Where does a father go from here? We should be able to have responsibility for our children - we are not here JUST to bring them into the world and then leave. We want to play an active role in their development.

I would like to go to college and gain some qualifications that will enable me to help fathers in distress, as we all suffer from being on our own. What are the best steps I can take to help myself and other dads in this situation? Is there something I could learn about in college that would be useful? I really need to get help with my problem with my ex so I can help others in a similar situation and reassure them that they are not alone.

(M.J, 20 April 2009)

A.

As a father you are setting a good example by wanting to fix problems with your ex and be able to see your children regularly. Unfortunately, the legal system can be slow to sort things out and this can be very frustrating for you, especially when you are unable to see your children in the meantime.

Ultimately, it is still the best route to go down in order to secure your Rights To Visitation and to play an active part in your children’s upbringings, but there are other steps you can take. The legal system is there for good reason and does play an important role in securing fathers’ rights, but is not the only solution.

You do not say what your relationship with your ex is like but you may want to consider asking her to attend some Mediation Sessions with you. You both need to work hard to put your children first and Find A Way To Communicate With Each Other. By agreeing to visit a mediator it gives you both a chance to express your feelings and opinions and to try to understand each other a bit better. You are always going to have a relationship because of your children so the smoother this can be, the better.

This may also be the best route for you to go down in order to help other fathers. Most men who are dealing with this kind of situation have a lot of emotions to deal with and could really do with someone to talk to. As someone who has experienced it, you would be in a great position to help them. There are many counselling and mediation courses available, either through your local college, private classes or distance learning that would be a great start.

Another thing to consider would be for you to visit a support group or talk to other men who are dealing with Visitation issues. There are a number of Internet forums and also groups that meet in person. As well as helping other men, you need to feel that you are not alone and it would probably help you to talk to other fathers who have dealt with the same thing. Why not read up about your rights as a separated dad here.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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wally - Your Question:
My ex's mum has said social services have said I ain't aloud see my girls but I haven't had anything in writing or been told or contacted in anyway so is she lying my youngest girl isn't biologicly mine and uses this as a weapon against me but in her eyes I am her daddy and in mine she is my daughter

Our Response:
If your ex is refusing you access, you would have to suggest mediation, please see link here. If your ex still refuses, then you would have the option to apply to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 1-Dec-17 @ 12:56 PM
My ex's mum has said social services have said I ain't aloud see my girls but i haven't had anything in writing or been told or contacted in anyway so is she lying my youngest girl isn't biologicly mine and uses this as a weapon against me but in her eyes i am her daddy and in mine she is my daughter
wally - 1-Dec-17 @ 1:29 AM
Chris - Your Question:
Hi I would like some advice on how to get to see my child but can't get in touch with my ex to get her to let me see her. What do I do?

Our Response:
If you cannot get in touch with yoru ex because you do not know where she is living, then you can fill in a C100 contact order and a C4 form (which is an application to disclose the whereabouts of a child). This will allow the courts to put a trace on your child, to allow you to bring the matter to court and apply for access. There are tracing agencies that can also try to find where your child is, but this will cost. The former suggestion is more official as bringing the matter to court will make access compulsary (within the terms of the court order) if you are awarded it.
SeparatedDads - 20-Nov-17 @ 12:50 PM
Hi I would like some advice on how to get to see my child but can't get in touch with my ex to get her to let me see her. What do I do?
Chris - 19-Nov-17 @ 7:10 PM
Stix - Your Question:
Hi, just some help or advise really needed. So me and my girlfriend have recently split up say a few weeks now. She has my 3yr old daughter that she is giving me real limited access too? The reason I am looking for advise on the situation is I have a 10yr old girl too from a previous relationship and she obviously loves her sister and they are both crazy for each other. I have my eldest daughter every other weekend where she will stay with me from Friday to Monday morning when I take her to school. But the only access my ex is giving us is a couple of hours on a sat morning. And it’s at her home witch happens to be the flat that I am still paying for while I am sleeping In my parents spare room with my 10year old. I am trying to get access and I am constantly asking how she is and when we can see her and she purposefully does not reply. I understand she is hurting and upset with me because I left her. But I think she is damaging the relationship between the two girls and between me as well. I just really don’t know what to do with any of it at the moment? I want to go mental at the woman but obviously I have kept calm and not used bad language or anything towards her. To that though she has been the reverse calling me dumb and a f*##ing sh*t dad. I really need help as to what I can do to get this woman to realise she is damaging two sisters relationship.

Our Response:
Keeping calm and not inflaming the issue is the best approach. If your ex is not allowing you to see your child, then mediation is the first port of call, please see link here . If your ex does not agree to mediation, then please see link here, which explains the process you have to go through. Keep all texts and correspondence that prove your ex is keeping your child away from you as evidence. If you cannot afford legal representation to take the matter to court, please see link here. If your daughter and you and your older daughter have a good relationship to date, there is no reason why the courts will not allow regular access. However, you would need to act soon in trying to bring this matter forward. Contact your ex first and state that you will bring the matter to court if you cannot organise access either between you or via mediation. Keeping rational about the situation and not rising to your ex's insults is the best way forward. Our Separated Dads forum may also help as our dads who have been through similar experiences before can help with further guidance and advice.
SeparatedDads - 13-Nov-17 @ 3:23 PM
Hi, just some help or advise really needed. So me and my girlfriend have recently split up say a few weeks now. She has my 3yr old daughter that she is giving me real limited access too? The reason I am looking for advise on the situation is I have a 10yr old girl too from a previous relationship and she obviously loves her sister and they are both crazy for each other. I have my eldest daughter every other weekend where she will stay with me from Friday to Monday morning when I take her to school. But the only access my ex is giving us is a couple of hours on a sat morning. And it’s at her home witch happens to be the flat that I am still paying for while I am sleeping In my parents spare room with my 10year old. I am trying to get access and I am constantly asking how she is and when we can see her and shepurposefully does not reply. I understand she is hurting and upset with me because I left her. But I think she is damaging the relationship between the two girls and between me as well. I just really don’t know what to do with any of it at the moment? I want to go mental at the woman but obviously I have kept calm and not used bad language or anything towards her. To that though she has been the reverse calling me dumb and a f*##ing sh*t dad. I really need help as to what I can do to get this woman to realise she is damaging two sisters relationship.
Stix - 11-Nov-17 @ 7:30 AM
Hi, just some help or advise really needed. So me and my girlfriend have recently split up say a few weeks now. She has my 3yr old daughter that she is giving me real limited access too? The reason I am looking for advise on the situation is I have a 10yr old girl too from a previous relationship and she obviously loves her sister and they are both crazy for each other. I have my eldest daughter every other weekend where she will stay with me from Friday to Monday morning when I take her to school. But the only access my ex is giving us is a couple of hours on a sat morning. And it’s at her home witch happens to be the flat that I am still paying for while I am sleeping In my parents spare room with my 10year old. I am trying to get access and I am constantly asking how she is and when we can see her and shepurposefully does not reply. I understand she is hurting and upset with me because I left her. But I think she is damaging the relationship between the two girls and between me as well. I just really don’t know what to do with any of it at the moment? I want to go mental at the woman but obviously I have kept calm and not used bad language or anything towards her. To that though she has been the reverse calling me dumb and a f*##ing sh*t dad. I really need help as to what I can do to get this woman to realise she is damaging two sisters relationship.
Stix - 11-Nov-17 @ 7:29 AM
Liam - Your Question:
Here we go. if been seperated with my ex for 2 years. Everything was ok until she got a new man. She wouldnt tell me where my kids were going to school and was being an arse. She the said she wants half of the uniform money which I declined until I know where they are going to school. Faur enough I thought. Next thing, csa letter through the door. I cant pay the full amount so asked if she would take a lesser offer as if I give her the money I wouldnt be able to see my kids as they are in wales and I live in bedfordshire. 120 quid in petrol alone. She declined the lesser offer. Now one of the children in question isnt biologically mune but ive brought him up as my own and done a great job. He calls me dad. But I mentioned this to the csa as I cant afford the payments and now because im not paying for him and I quote "im sick in the head" for mentioning to the csa that hez not actually biologically mine she wont let me see him at all only the one that is biologically mine. Its cruel as we have a great relationship and he loves spending time with his dada. Is there anything I can do about this. Just need asvice

Our Response:
You may be able to apply through the courts. If you have had a consistent relationship with your non-biological child, the courts can order the relationship continues, especially if your have access to your biological child also. You may wish to seek legal advice.
SeparatedDads - 6-Nov-17 @ 12:26 PM
Here we go....if been seperated with my ex for 2 years. Everything was ok until she got a new man. She wouldnt tell me where my kids were going to school and was being an arse. She the said she wants half of the uniform money which i declined until i know where they are going to school. Faur enough i thought. Next thing, csa letter through the door. I cant pay the full amount so asked if she would take a lesser offer as if i give her the money i wouldnt be able to see my kids as they are in wales and i live in bedfordshire. 120 quid in petrol alone. She declined the lesser offer. Now one of the children in question isnt biologically mune but ive brought him up as my own and done a great job. He calls me dad. But i mentioned this to the csa as i cant afford the payments and now because im not paying for him and i quote "im sick in the head" for mentioning to the csa that hez not actually biologically mine she wont let me see him at all only the one that is biologically mine. Its cruel as we have a great relationship and he loves spending time with his dada. Is there anything i can do about this. Just need asvice
Liam - 4-Nov-17 @ 3:59 PM
I'm a mom. My narcissistic ex has brainwashed my girl since birth. Divorced 12 years and still no sign of letting up. At 11 she refused to see or speak to me. I call every day. He has messages go directly to his cell. If I go there he threatens police and causes a scene. I'm blocked from all his phones. Three years now..If she talks to and sees me he causes drama making it look like I'm at fault. Last week I received emails from his lawyer.He than made fraudulent email looking like I sent it saying I wish to sign off on her.All lies.He showed her this email,, saying he wants her to know what I've done. At Whit's end. I advice and what I've done is anyway I can I tell her mons here and never leaving.I'm a min away .
Caboose - 2-Nov-17 @ 4:39 AM
Devil - Your Question:
My wife has cheated on me had move out with him. I have had my to kids for 3 weeks I stop going to work to have them work has help me. I was on nights now doing days. I not stop her seeing the kids. Now she move in with her mum. She stop men seeing them what can I do

Our Response:
Please see the link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here, which tells you the process you will need to go through in order to regain access again. If you cannot afford legal representation of taking the matter to court, you can self-litigate, please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 12-Sep-17 @ 10:26 AM
My wife hascheated on me had move out with him. I have had my to kids for 3 weeks I stop going to work to have them work has help me. I was on nights now doing days. I not stop her seeing the kids. Now she move in with her mum. She stop men seeing them what can I do
Devil - 10-Sep-17 @ 9:33 PM
Chrissy - Your Question:
My other half has a 3 year old with his ex she wont let him see her and he is not on her birth cirtificate and I was told if he wanted to take her to court he would have to pay does anyone know anything that can help please

Our Response:
The first step your OH would have to do is suggest mediation to his ex, please see link here. If his ex refuses or if the mediation process breaks down then he would have to apply to court, please see link here. Yes, it does cost both in court fees and if your OH chooses to have legal representation. However, if your OH is on a low income he may get a reduction in court fees, please see link here . If he chooses not to have legal representation, he can self-litigate, please see link here .
SeparatedDads - 31-Aug-17 @ 10:24 AM
My other half has a 3 year old with his ex she wont let him see her and he is not on her birth cirtificate and i was told if he wanted to take her to court he would have to pay does anyone know anything that can help please
Chrissy - 29-Aug-17 @ 8:07 AM
I've not seen or had contact with my son for 9 years now. My ex is married and has changed his surname. I am on his birth certificate as his biological father. How do I go about getting in touch with him and do I have any right to?. I've fount him on social media. Can a solicitor send a letter on my behalf explaining my absence and intentions? Thank you
Codge12 - 25-Aug-17 @ 11:56 AM
Thank you for your advice, understanding, support and guidance in relation to this very emotive matter.
GodlyG - 24-Jul-17 @ 11:02 AM
GodlyG - Your Question:
I was unlawfully evicted from my mortgaged home, on 31st August 2014 by my former spouse. having been subjected to harassment and threats over a sustained period of time,This home is jointly owned by my former spouse and myself. She has refused to allow me to see my two daughters aged 12 & 15 respectively. My ex-wife has committed innumerable amounts of fraud and identity theft against me for some time pretending that we are still married and have moved to the same address!! She has even taken out a Child Maintenance Service Order as some form of revenge in order to solicit money from me, everything she does when it comes to me is to try to solicit money from me if it's not through having the utility company send debt letters, it the Council Tax now the CMS. This situation goes beyond belief!! What advice, guidance, support or direction can you give?Thank you for your advice on the above, whilst I appreciate your comments I should have said that it is not me that has been harassing her it's the other way round. Also I had forgotten to say that she did not need to contact the Child Maintenance Service as she receives over £1000.00 per month of rental income from a property which I should be receiving half of that sum namely £500.00 therefore being as she has kept my share for herself she should have spent the matter on my child, therefore I am perfectly justified to state that she should never have contacted the CMS unless it's a matter of revenge and no I have never buried my head in the sand, try understanding a dramatic change of live which has been foisted upon you suddenly then you'd have been more understanding with your comment. I am not asking you to agree with me whatsoever, as the saying goes he who feels it knows it!!

Our Response:
Unless your ex agrees to mediation to sort out your financial issues, then your only recourse is family arbitration or court. Family arbitration is a method of dispute resolution in which a third party makes a decision about your finances when your relationship has ended. You may wish to consider arbitration if you have been unable to come to a mutual decision through discussions with your ex or through collaborative law, mediation or negotiations between lawyers. Similar to a judge in court, a family arbitrator ensures relevant facts and pieces of evidence are collected in order to make a decision based on this evidence. The arbitrator will also consider your views on what the outcome should be, as well as those of your ex. The arbitrator’s final decision is a binding ruling. The comment was about how if 'both' of you bury your head in the sand by avoiding trying to sort such issues, this is where such issues can spiral out of control. The comment was not aimed at your personally - but as general advice for you to seek some professional guidance regarding how you can try to get the matter under control, especially if you think your ex is taking advantage of the situation.
SeparatedDads - 20-Jul-17 @ 12:43 PM
Just one further point you have also failed to see that the reason wife my former spouse unlawfully evicted me from my own home was so that she could become the "receiving parent" and I would be the "paying parent" i don't know how you could not see the link. That is why I would never pay a penny in relation to this matter as i have always paid for my children's wants and needs and for you to say that she is correct to apply for the order is tantamount to agreeing with some women of who exploit the CMS for their own ends as a means of extortion. The CMS hate fathers period and the sooner it is exposed the better, the CMS is not about the child or the children it's solely about money billions of it.
GodlyG - 19-Jul-17 @ 1:03 PM
I was unlawfully evicted from my mortgaged home, on 31st August 2014 by my former spouse. having been subjected to harassment and threats over a sustained period of time,This home is jointly owned by my former spouse and myself. She has refused to allow me to see my two daughters aged 12 & 15 respectively. My ex-wife has committed innumerable amounts of fraud and identity theft against me for some time pretending that we are still married and have moved to the same address!! She has even taken out a Child Maintenance Service Order as some form of revenge in order to solicit money from me, everything she does when it comes to me is to try to solicit money from me if it's not through having the utility company send debt letters, it the Council Tax now the CMS. This situation goes beyond belief!! What advice, guidance, support or direction can you give? Thank you for your advice on the above, whilst I appreciate your comments i should have said that it is not me that has been harassing her it's the other way round. Also I had forgotten to say that she did not need to contact the Child Maintenance Service as she receives over £1000.00 per month of rental income from a property which I should be receiving half of that sum namely £500.00 therefore being as she has kept my share for herself she should have spent the matter on my child, therefore I am perfectly justified to state that she should never have contacted the CMS unless it's a matter of revenge and no I have never buried my head in the sand, try understanding a dramatic change of live which has been foisted upon you suddenly then you'd have been more understanding with your comment. I am not asking you to agree with me whatsoever, as the saying goes he who feels it knows it!!
GodlyG - 19-Jul-17 @ 12:45 PM
GodlyG - Your Question:
I was unlawfully evicted from my mortgaged home, on 31st August 2014 by my former spouse. having been subjected to harassment and threats over a sustained period of time,This home is jointly owned by my former spouse and myself. She has refused to allow me to see my two daughters aged 12 & 15 respectively.My ex-wife has committed innumerable amounts of fraud and identity theft against me for some time pretending that we are still married and have moved to the same address!!She has even taken out a Child Maintenance Service Order as some form of revenge in order to solicit money from me, everything she does when it comes to me is to try to solicit money from me if it's not through having the utility company send debt letters, it the Council Tax now the CMS. This situation goes beyond belief!!What advice, guidance, support or direction can you give?

Our Response:
Firstly, with regards to CMS, as the father of your children you are legally responsible for supporting them financially and your ex has every right to apply for child maintenance. This is entirely separate from any other financial issue you may have with your ex. If you feel you have been subjected to fraudulent activity via your ex, then you would have to report this to the police. If you have separated and both or you are unable to come to an agreement with regards to who pays the mortgage and/or bills on the house you jointly own as well as access to the children, then mediation is the way forward, please see link here. It is easy to ignore such issues or to react against them, but by both you and your ex burying your head in the sand and not attempting to deal with them rationally, then such issues can spiral out of control. If your ex refuses to attend mediation, then you can apply to court for contact to your children. If you have an harassment order against you, you may wish to seek legal advice in order to explore your best options.
SeparatedDads - 18-Jul-17 @ 11:11 AM
I was unlawfully evicted from my mortgaged home, on 31st August 2014 by my former spouse. having been subjected to harassment and threats over a sustained period of time,This home is jointly owned by my former spouse and myself. She has refused to allow me to see my two daughters aged 12 & 15 respectively. My ex-wife has committed innumerable amounts of fraud and identity theft against me for some time pretending that we are still married and have moved to the same address!! She has even taken out a Child Maintenance Service Order as some form of revenge in order to solicit money from me, everything she does when it comes to me is to try to solicit money from me if it's not through having the utility company send debt letters, it the Council Tax now the CMS. This situation goes beyond belief!! What advice, guidance, support or direction can you give?
GodlyG - 17-Jul-17 @ 4:36 PM
I have tried for the last 13 years with my kids my ex wife didn't take the split all that well,and she surely poisend there little minds me and my daughter has a baby of her own now I asked my daughter through Facebook and she said you chose drink over them I drank on a Saturday at home I was working 70/80 hours a week to give my kids what they wanted nice house and so on my wife was always accusing me of cheating all the time which wasn't true I woke one Sunday with her roaring and shouting at the kids again I got up out if bed an started to pack after texting my boss as he was renting flats so I took one went down the stairs while she was still roaring she saw the case and she said what do you think your doing I turned and said I have had enough of your arrogant manner so I'm leaving both kids were crying saying dad don't go I said I love yous so much my daughter begged me I want to come with you are mother said let him go he will be back I cuddle both kids and I will love you for everI can't go on with writing any thing else folk as would you turn the clocks back with a different women and still have cracking kids
Dezer - 27-Jun-17 @ 2:28 PM
Anonymous- Your Question:
My fiancé lost contact with his son when he was 2 months old do to not qualifying for legal aid and his ex taking his son away. His son is now 8 and we have just had a son and believe he has the right to know his brother. Both the boys do. Is there anything we can do?

Our Response:
Yes. Your fiancé has the right to request access to his child. If he cannot afford legal fees he can self-litigate, please see link here . However, in the first instance he would have to suggest mediation to the mother of his child in order to try to resolve the issue informally. If she refuses, then court would have to be the next option. A solicitor's letter requesting contact may also be an option. Your partner may have to accept that if granted contact it may be supervised to begin with and will hopefully lead to a more relaxed contact arrangement when familiarity and trust is built up.
SeparatedDads - 16-Jun-17 @ 2:06 PM
My fiancé lost contact with his son when he was 2 months old do to not qualifying for legal aid and his ex taking his son away. His son is now 8 and we have just had a son and believe he has the right to know his brother. Both the boys do. Is there anything we can do?
Anonymous - 2-Jun-17 @ 12:20 PM
caitlin lamb - Your Question:
My brother lives with his dad and we haven't seen him in past three months so it like he stop us from havin getting contact all together so when we ring up to get him they always have an excuse but it not only effecting me butility it effect my brother and sisteras well.

Our Response:
If your father is stopping access of your brother, your mother would have to apply to attend mediation to try to resolve the issue. Or, if he refuses to attend mediation, apply take the matter to court to gain access of your brother via a court order.
SeparatedDads - 24-May-17 @ 2:26 PM
My brother lives with his dad and we haven't seen him in past three months so it like he stop us from havin getting contact all together so when we ring up to get him they always have an excuse but it not only effecting me butility it effect my brother and sisteras well.
caitlin lamb - 20-May-17 @ 1:10 AM
Please help me my wife has taken my son , I haven't seen him for 6 months.
Thivi - 3-May-17 @ 10:16 AM
Please help me I haven't seen my child in 6 months my wife has taken him away from me.
Thivi - 3-May-17 @ 10:13 AM
xandy - Your Question:
What rights does my partner have to see my children if I was to pass away?Recently, I have found out I have high blood pressure and a few other health issues. Nothing major, but enough to get the conversation going of 'what would happen to the kids if I passed away?" Their dad has them 2 nights and 3 days a week, but we are about to have talks to reduce and change this as his severe physical disability-muscular dystrophy-and mental health issues (psychosis and personality disorders) and the side effects of the medications for those are making it likely that he will be more and more unable to care for the boys in the years to come, and it is likely he will pass away early, too. My partner has been in our lives and lived with us for the past 5 years, and we are a family of our own. The kids have a different but important relationship to the ones they have with me or their dad with him. Mix of uncle, big brother, and teacher. While I'm here, he is a step parent that has stepped up. If their dad were to pass away, or become too ill to see them one on one, just for short visits etc, then my partner is there to fill in that role of support that they will need. He'll never be dad, but he is a big someone looking out for them. If I were to pass away, they could not safely live with their dad now, let alone in the future. My family would step up and take my boys in to live with them. As it is a real reality, my mum has purposefully bought herself a house the boys can live in if they needed to.I would want them to keep the relationship with their dad if I were not to be here. If my family were to object - grief does do funny things to people, and discrimination against mental and physical health is not uncommon in the world - he can at least pursue a legal challenge to continue access as their dad. It might be accompanied access or something rubbish, but he'd still have them in his life. I was wondering though, would my partner have any right whatsoever to see them again? He is a big part of their lives, and they are a big part of his. If I were to pass away, would he lose his whole family? Would they lose him?

Our Response:
You can set up a guardianship order in your will. A guardian is an individual who is charged with the responsibility of looking after your child/children in the event of your death. Any adult of your choosing can be a guardian to your child/children. This can be a close family friend with whom the child/children already have a bond with, or a family member not already directly involved in their care, such as parents or an aunt or uncle. It is important to take into account beforehand the relationship the child/children has with the person or persons you intend to appoint as their guardian. should any unforeseen circumstances occur - it is obviously important to inform the person/s you wish to be guardian/s. It is something that requires a lot of contemplation and discussion before a decision is reached. If you do wish to appoint guardians then your last will and testament should reflect this. You must include, in as much detail as you can, the reasons why you wish your designated guardian/s to take on the role of caring for your children. It is important to ensure that you clarify your reasons for making this choice so that there can be no confusion over your mental and emotional state at the time of making the will. You must also ensure that once the last will and testament has been drafted or redrafted depending on the circumstances that the person or persons you have chosen to be your children’s legal guardian/s do not sign the will as a witness. This is what is known as a ‘conflict of interest’ and as such can lead to the will being contested. You should be aware that if a will with details of guardianship is contested then Social Services are legally obliged to step in and either; (a) make a recommendation for guardianship themselves or (b) remove your children into foster care until such times as the conditions of the will have been clarified. If you are in any doubt as to how to go about making these provisions in your will you should speak to a solicitor who specialises in family law and they will be able to give you all the help and advice you need. With regards to your ex, if he has parental responsibility he will also have a say in your children's upbringing. This is why you should specify your wishes and if you can decide this between you and your ex then this will be of benefit all round. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 4-Apr-17 @ 11:01 AM
What rights does my partner have to see my children if I was to pass away? Recently, I have found out I have high blood pressure and a few other health issues. Nothing major, but enough to get the conversation going of 'what would happen to the kids if I passed away?" Their dad has them 2 nights and 3 days a week, but we are about to have talks to reduce and change this as his severe physical disability-muscular dystrophy-and mental health issues (psychosis and personality disorders) and the side effects of the medications for those are making it likely that he will be more and more unable to care for the boys in the years to come, and it is likely he will pass away early, too. My partner has been in our lives and lived with us for the past 5 years, and we are a family of our own. The kids have a different but important relationship to the ones they have with me or their dad with him. Mix of uncle, big brother, and teacher. While I'm here, he is a step parent that has stepped up. If their dad were to pass away, or become too ill to see them one on one, just for short visits etc, then my partner is there to fill in that role of support that they will need. He'll never be dad, but he is a big someone looking out for them. If I were to pass away, they could not safely live with their dad now, let alone in the future. My family would step up and take my boys in to live with them. As it is a real reality, my mum has purposefully bought herself a house the boys can live in if they needed to. I would want them to keep the relationship with their dad if I were not to be here. If my family were to object - grief does do funny things to people, and discrimination against mental and physical health is not uncommon in the world - he can at least pursue a legal challenge to continue access as their dad. It might be accompanied access or something rubbish, but he'd still have them in his life. I was wondering though, would my partner have any right whatsoever to see them again? He is a big part of their lives, and they are a big part of his. If I were to pass away, would he lose his whole family? Would they lose him?
xandy - 3-Apr-17 @ 4:53 PM
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